What's up you guys? Welcome back to the Dope Main Diaries Podcast. This is Coach Kate. I it's Monday. And I want to talk about a few things. This is gonna be like a charcuterie board of a podcast update. But uh this is my this is my safe space, right? Um I've been working with a client for a few years now, and I've worked with her in many ways, and she's done HBA and she's also in therapy, and I talk to her every single week on our coaching call. And one of the things that I'm seeing, and I know she probably listens to this podcast, she's gonna love that, she's gonna love that I'm talking about it, but her ability when things in life get really, really hard, or when emotions tend to be really, really overwhelming, or when different stages of her healing bring up a lot of grief or rage, her ability now to stay neutral is wild. And I say wild in the sense that, like, duh, I knew that is the result that we were going to get to. That is the beauty of nervous system work compared with the right type of neurowork. Like, duh, why am I shocked? But I'll be very honest, it hits so different to witness someone over the course of a length of time go from one state to another. I've been doing this for a long time and I see it, but I don't think I've ever had like this level of like a front row view to it, but she has completely changed. She has completely changed, even down to when her and I do our coaching calls, the tone of her voice is completely different. One of the things, and I don't think I've ever talked about this on the podcast, but one of the things that I do a lot when I'm on the phone with people, I'm really big on tone. I'm really big on cadence, I'm really big on the actual words that they're using. Any of my clients listening to this would say, Oh yeah, Kate's a stickler on words. Like she will, she will point out, I point out specific words that people use, and I offer adjustments to them because words do matter, right? But like I'm super, I'm just super aware of cadence, the tone, the urgency, the emotion behind the voice that is speaking to me. And in some ways, again, the nature of my work is I have to. If we were doing Zoom calls, I'd be really attuned to their body language and other cues there, but we're on the phone, so I'm like hyper locked in on that because it matters and it provides me with a lot of information sometimes without them even saying saying anything, and to see and just like witness the change in her, even down to the tone of her voice and the way that she explains things. I think there's a big difference when we talk about like being neutral um or like not reacting. Like, if you're someone that says, like, well, things don't bother me, well, are you feeling them and pushing them down and are you completely numb? Or are you allowing every single emotion to be felt but still remaining neutral throughout that? There's a big difference. There's a big difference between I don't react, I'm numb, to I know exactly what's happening, I'm feeling all of it, but I'm in control of these feelings, and I know ultimately my job is to witness them and observe them. This is like this is like peak level progress, like peak level progress. And her and I were talking about this yesterday because she's like, you know, for years I wanted the like flashy before and after picture, and I was like, Yeah, totally get that. Everybody wants that. Everybody wants to be able to sit, like, show people, like, look at what I've done. It's tangible. Look at what I've done, right? It feels good, but the progress picture that actually cannot be captured via a camera, the progress that comes when you suddenly wake up and the things in your life that have previously knocked you on your ass just kind of make you feel neutral. I can't even explain to you how incredible that progress is, and how so many people are not reaching that level of progress because they're not focusing on it. And so it was just really, really cool. Again, I talk with her every week, and just our last discussion, just like listening to her and witnessing it. I'm just like, this is like it's so rewarding as a coach. It's so rewarding as a coach to see anybody shift how they are experiencing how they're experiencing their life. Like it's I think from a personal standpoint, like I am somebody that has always struggled with like big feelings, big feelings. I've always had them. I've always been like very insecure about them. I've always been like, oh, that was I need to like tone it down. And sometimes my big feelings have felt like I don't know, like have felt like they're in control of me, right? So it's just always been something in my life where I'm like, man, it is just like exhausting being me sometimes. And I know the progress and the freedom, and that's one of the words that she used on our call. She's like, it just feels really freeing. I know that feeling so well because that is one of the biggest reasons why I pursued this type of work and I pursued the education that I have and I pursued the credentials that I have because I realized I saw what it did for my life, I saw what it did for my relationship with myself and my relationship with others, and I saw the gap in the industry, and I was just like, no, we have to do this differently. Like, women deserve to have this type of work alongside the okay, well, here's your habits, or you know, here's your fucking diet or whatever, right? Like, we deserve something so much deeper than just the things that can give us like an epic progress picture. Like, what does it matter if we can't maintain that, right? So I just like feel like today I'm super grateful for just the fact that I've been able to witness this person, this woman change like right in front of my eyes. Um it's truly been like such a such a cool experience. Um, and so I wanted to share that because I don't know, just felt like it. Gratitude is one of my um KPIs for life. How often, how often am I letting myself recognize gratitude? How often am I naming the gratitude? So I just wanted to share that. But on the note of KPIs, man, I'm like trying to walk away from everything that is noisy, and it's like all the noise is following me. So frustrating. But um, on the topic of KPIs, um, I want to quickly touch on like the KPI that people don't talk about that much, and that is the motherhood in family KPI. And if you don't know what a KPI is, in the business land, it is a key performance indicator. It's basically a data point, it's metrics, right? It's being able to look at okay, how many, how many times did you pitch the deal? How many no's did you get? How many yeses did you get? Doing the math and figuring out what that is, how many leads came in, how many of those converted into calls, right? Like KPIs are simply a way to make business or your job or whatever it is that you're doing less emotional and more data-driven. I just did a workshop for a bunch of high-level leaders a couple weeks ago, and the topic of this workshop was you know, how to handle slow seasons in business and like not let the emotions of slow seasons kind of like take over you. Basically, like how to stay grounded when revenue or whatever it is is not happening the way it wants to happen the way you want it to happen. And if you are someone that is like newer in the business world or in the entrepreneurship world, like slower seasons in business can feel super super confusing because you may feel like you've done something wrong, or oh my gosh, it's all falling apart. When really, if we can just look at the KPIs and the data and the information and the metrics around that, it's a lot easier to kind of see that it's pretty standard. But on this workshop that I just did, one of the things that I brought into that discussion was um when you're in a slow season of business and you just are making it mean everything about you, like, oh, I'm a bad business owner, this is not gonna last, I'm doing something wrong. See, nobody wants this, bring in data, bring in information because data and information is a very like non-emotional thing. You can kind of just like look at it for what it is, and oftentimes um for those of for those very emotional seasons of business, it really tames that down. But the KPI being motherhood and family is one that I don't see a lot of people to be honest, I don't see anybody in business that has talked about that. I've listened to a lot of people in business, and I've not heard anybody mention motherhood and family as a um target KPI, but I'm a working mom, and more specifically, I'm a business owning mom, and motherhood and family time is absolutely a KPI that I focus on. And I bring this up today because if there's one thing that I hear all of the time in all of the conversations that I have with working moms and with business owning moms, is this guy walking with a stick? This is either a harmless guy getting his gloves on, I don't know. I don't like this at all. I'm going to play it cool. Good morning. That was bizarre. Okay, but he said good morning, so he's harmless, right? Um there's one thing that I hear, and I'm not even gonna edit that out. Oh geez, no, I don't edit my podcasts. There was there's one podcast I think I did like last summer, and I was walking downtown by the river, and some kid was like like being crazy in the background, and it was just a completely like chaotic, unhinged part of the episode. So if you know you know, but um the KPIs of like motherhood and life and family. So one thing that I hear all of the time because I primarily work with working moms and business owning moms, I work with the women that are doing like all of it, and there is this perpetual feeling of doing the wrong thing. They could be having the best month in business and they will feel terrible about it because they feel like they've somehow neglected motherhood, or they will be having a mediocre month in business and a super fun summer, and they will feel terrible about it because they feel like they are less than than a business owner, or should they really be doing it? And it's just like it's this lose-lose game that I see working moms and business owning moms do, where it's like, well, if I focus on my career, I can't focus on the other, and really all it comes down to is like all or nothing thinking, right? And that's a whole nother episode for a whole nother day, but it's this like forever feeling of you could be doing the best in the world, and you feel terrible about it, and you feel like you've done something wrong, and honestly, the fix for that, in my opinion, is looking at motherhood and family time as a measurable KPI. And sure, some of you guys might be thinking, like, okay, why are we like measuring motherhood and why are like we measuring family and fair, but I also think if you look at it from the perspective of bringing that KPI in in those moments that you really need it, or in those moments where again, if we know that sometimes business and career in life outside of motherhood is volatile and emotional, well, the one thing that acts as like a fire extinguisher to the emotions is data. So bringing that in. If you have an epic month in your career and you feel like you failed as a parent, sitting down, looking through your phone, looking through your calendar, and writing out in great detail all of the things that you did while being mom. Even the little things, the super fun lunch that you packed for them on you know, whatever day it was, the little note that you made, the craft that they had that you spent so much time in, the way that you showed up for the sports games, like it's so unreasonable to me when working moms and business owning moms come to me and they say, like, I just feel like I'm making a mistake and I feel like I'm hurting my family by trying to you know excel in my career. And I'm like, this is a self-imposed feeling because truly, if you're looking at the KPIs of all of it, how did your business and career perform, and how did you perform, right? And again, maybe this is like the more masculine, like, we shouldn't have to do this as moms. Well, the only other option is to be completely in your head about it and stay in the emotions of it. And if the emotions that you're feeling around it are bad, why not bring in some information that tell a completely different story? Like, why not do that? Going back to the workshop that I did with those high-level leaders in the slow seasons. I gave them very specific, very specific metrics they could focus on, right? Um, some of them are like, well, summer was just slow, nobody's buying, blah blah blah. And I'm like, that's just summer across the board. Nobody wants to do anything. It's summer, it's time off. Why are we gonna commit to doing anything or spending more money when we want to take vacations? It's summer, it doesn't matter what business that you're in, unless you're in the vacation business, then you're booming. Like that is just the nature of business in the summertime season. But one of the examples that I gave them in that moment of like, you know, they're just you know overwhelmed with the business and where their revenue is. I said, let's bring in the KPIs of how many people did you talk to, how many people did you follow up with, how many people told you told you no? We know that it takes X amount of no's to actually get a yes. Are you saying no one's buying and you only heard three no's that week? Well, you that's actually not true, right? And giving them those very specific KPIs to bring in, I could see on that call the relaxation go across the entire Zoom room because it was like, oh, okay, this is like information, these are like plug and plays. I can like tell or see a more clear story about this business if I just know what these numbers mean. It's the same thing for motherhood. It is the same thing for motherhood. Why are we constantly in the cycle of, well, I just I really want to excel in my career, I really want to grow my business, but I'm constantly like teetering the line to feeling like a shithead mom and I'm not doing anything about it, and I'm just kind of hoping or exhausting myself in the feeling and just praying it goes away. Why not bring in data and information to treat the what we could call slow season of motherhood, aka just the season of motherhood where you really feel like you're failing, why can't we bring in data and information and numbers around that to help tame some of that feeling? And no, it's not gonna tell a perfect story. And yes, there's still gonna be probably situations where you're like, you know what, I should have been off my laptop and I should have watched the family movie. Yes, it's gonna be imperfect, but if it can take you from feeling like 99% a shitty mom to like 30% a shitty mom just by looking at the data and the information in front of you as it pertains to motherhood, treating motherhood and family as a KPI that you are measuring alongside everything else in your career and business. Why the fuck not? Why the fuck not? And again, I feel like this is probably one of those things where there's gonna be people that are like, this is a great idea, Kate. I can absolutely start doing this and feel so much better. And then there's gonna be people that are like, This is so toxic. You should not have to measure motherhood. Why? We measure everything else, we measure everything else down to like the food that we're eating and the size of our clothes. Why are we just assuming that motherhood also doesn't need to be measured? And we're like leaving it up to chance of what our emotions are, and no matter what we do, we live in a society where we're told, no, no, no, live in the home, don't focus on your career, don't do it too much, you'll mess up those kids. It's a losing game. Why not bring in numbers and metrics and data to make that game feel a bit easier for you so you don't suffer as much? Nothing really changes. This doesn't change how you parent, this doesn't change how you operate within your career, but it gives you clarity around what's actually happening. So in the day-to-day, in the monotonous things that you're doing, you are not suffering as much. You are able to remain a bit more neutral about it versus being overcome by the emotions of oh, this is too much, what am I doing wrong? Why the fuck not are we measuring motherhood and family as a KPI? I am, and maybe you should too. Okay, bye guys.