Dopamine Diaries

I interviewed my In-laws &….. 🍷

• Coach Kate • Episode 95

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0:00 | 38:07
SPEAKER_01:

You know me.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, guys, welcome back to Dopamine. Welcome back to the Dopamine Diaries Podcast. This is Coach Kate. I'm here with my husband and his parents, some my in-laws. Do you guys want to introduce yourself really quick?

SPEAKER_03:

Kathy.

SPEAKER_01:

Bill. Uh Chris. Christopher. Christopher.

SPEAKER_02:

So we thought that it would be really cool. Three of us have had some wine. Christopher said water. We thought it would be Hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah, brother. On the rocks. We thought it'd be really cool to do a podcast together because well, it was my idea, and they're just participating. Um, but I'll be very honest. I asked Chat GPT to help me with um some prompting. So if it sounds like I'm reading from a script, I am, and don't judge me for that. So, Christopher, we're gonna start with you. Do you want to just like really quickly? You don't have to give us a dissertation on what you do, but like tell everyone. Some of them know because you've been on my podcast before, but like you spend your day doing like science things that nobody understands. So, do you want to just like give your title, your background, give it a one-minute introduction, and then we'll do that for each of you?

SPEAKER_01:

Sure. Uh so I have my PhD in material science. Um, I work my official title is a materials research uh engineer uh with the Air Force, and I uh work on materials for um high temperature applications.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, Bill William, do you want to introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_00:

Bill Kazhner. And I am recently retired. Retired. What that?

SPEAKER_02:

Whoop whoop. I said whoop whoop, you're retired.

SPEAKER_00:

I retired. Uh I was in the car business for 43 years. I was a partner for 28 years, uh, and I retired as a partner.

SPEAKER_02:

Love that.

SPEAKER_03:

Kathy, you want to introduce yourself? I'm Kathy. I've been a mother and a wife all my life, and I am married to a recently retired man. Enough said.

SPEAKER_02:

You also are the um, what are you, the head of finance or operations for the HOA? What's your actual title there?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm vice president.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, vice president. Of the HOA, of the actual HOA. So like the finance guy reports to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, we it's collectively, it's a bunch of old people kind of running our HOA. That's awesome. All volunteers with various uh backgrounds. Um the president happens to be a lawyer, and uh we have other we have a vice president, myself, and a uh several other people. It's a big HOA, 685 homes.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah, that's huge. And how many kids did you raise total? I think we need to like be very specific because there's a lot of mothers that listen to this and they need to like have in perspective what you've done.

SPEAKER_03:

I started with two stepsons. Okay, then had two biological, then had custody of three grandchildren. So seven. So seven.

SPEAKER_01:

So you raised seven over the span of over the span of 30 plus years. Yeah, something like 30 years. Yes. No, more than that, because I was it would have been closer to 40 years. 40 years, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Seven kids over the course of 40 years. Yeah, that's seven jobs, but we'll come back to that. Um, and Christopher, you anything? I know you can't really like fully talk about what you do, but more than that. Okay, cool. We're just gonna skip that. Nobody ask. Um, okay, so I have a couple lightning round questions. I think sound wise you're doing good. You might want to speak it just a little bit louder. Um, okay, so who who out of you guys who out of you three? Because again, I'm not being interviewed, you guys are being interviewed. Who in this discussion is most likely to argue their definition of success like it's gospel? Definition of success.

SPEAKER_01:

It's gonna be mirrored out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I would think. What do you think, Kath? It's definitely not me. But between them, who do you think?

SPEAKER_03:

I think Christopher more.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, he's super hard-headed and stubborn. I think you would not let up.

SPEAKER_03:

It would have been him 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_03:

But him now, Christopher now.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Bill, would you agree?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, let me say that my son uh has done very well for himself. But I had my my my wife and I both had that expectation that there was nothing else but success for him. Um, you know, my wife and I came from virtually nothing. Uh, through the grace of God, I'm definitely the the rag to riches story. Um came up with nothing, grew up with nothing, and retired as a millionaire. Um woop woop. Whoop-woop to that. Um and so my expectation of my son was always very high.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, fair. Well, he lived up to it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, he did. He'd be very proud of him.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, okay, so I'm gonna ask this question to each of you guys because I think I know what your answer will be, Christopher, but I would really love to know what your guys' answer is. So I'm gonna start with you, Christopher. Back in your 20s, so like not that long ago, six years ago, ten years ago, what do you think the good life was?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man. White monsters, white monsters going to the gym, smoking weed.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm surprised you said that.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, nothing that no one else knows.

SPEAKER_02:

You're right, that's totally out of the other way.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, yeah, I mean, I didn't really have much as far as like what what I considered fun was whatever I just felt like doing. And like that was a good life. And to me, like, yeah, I had it strong goals as far as my career goes. I was working, I was most of my 20s was in my PhD. Yeah, for six, yeah, 24 I started, so yeah. Most of it was working my PhD, so that was just like a constant grind. So the good life was everything outside of that, which was mainly gym hanging out with friends, just yeah, you know, doing something like that.

SPEAKER_02:

You're big on your friend group for sure.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

What about you, Bill? Back in your twenties, what did you think the good life was?

SPEAKER_00:

I really never had a concept of what a good life was. Um, for some reason I wish you guys could see Kathy's face.

SPEAKER_02:

Keep going.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I I really didn't. I mean, I always knew for some reason, even though nothing in my life could justify it, that I was going to be better than what my circumstance was. So most of my life, unfortunately or unfortunately, I was just hyper-focused on how I was going to reach this goal that I never thought I could reach.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. That's right. You played music too in your twenties? Was that not?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean when I was younger, I thought I was going to be a rock star.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh, and that was my biggest focus, music, music. And the really funny part was, even though I had nothing and I was on welfare for a while, because I had the aspirations of being successful as a rock star, I never felt poor.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I always felt that I was a struggling artist, which gives you a different mindset than someone who actually is struggling.

SPEAKER_02:

That makes sense. What about you, Kathy?

SPEAKER_03:

I've always felt good at every level of my life because I've always had more than I started with.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

There was always enough.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like I noticed that about you. I feel like your like your attitude with things is always just like very good. I noticed that. Admire it. I've always been satisfied with my life. Always. I love that. Even in like the hard motherhood moments.

SPEAKER_03:

Even in the hard motherhood. Yes. We've had a lot of those lately, but yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I am grateful. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Um, ooh, okay. I love this question. And whoever wants to answer first, go ahead. You're allowed to cry. I'll probably cry. Um we don't cry this time. We can both cry. No tears. Okay, whoever wants to answer first, but I really love this question. Um, who gave you your original definition of success? Was it your parents? Was it TV? Was it fear? Was it comparison? Like when you think of that original definition, whether you maintain that now, do you know where that came from? And if so, what was it? Whoever wants to start.

SPEAKER_03:

I never cared about success. Yeah. I never thought about it. I don't know. I feel like I've always lived in the moment and never cared about now the future means more because I have kids and I'm a grandchild, grandchildren.

SPEAKER_02:

But what did success and motherhood look like for you all those years? It's just that my kids loved me. My kids were happy. That's all that I cared about. Totally agree.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you were definitely focused on like us being happy, healthy, and cared for. And that was your if that was happening, then you were you were satisfied.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm as happy as my or as sad as your kids are. Or as sad as my happiest child. I don't know what that saying is, but there's a saying.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, whoever's the least happy of your children, that's how happy you are. Because like you're yes, yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Something like that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And it's true.

SPEAKER_00:

That's true. True. William. What was the question again?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, who gave you your original definition of success? I answered.

SPEAKER_00:

What is the answer to that? Chappie. Yeah, Chappie was.

SPEAKER_02:

Who is Chappie?

SPEAKER_00:

Chappie was the the founder and the owner of uh Chapman Auto Group, the one who gave me my break.

SPEAKER_02:

So your boss?

SPEAKER_00:

My boss.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um I didn't meet him until I was in my late 30s. Um, so it wasn't like I knew him when I was younger. Um to me, success depending on where I was, being a famous rock star was that w when I was in my twenties. Um then as I got older, success mean meant being independent and not worrying about money. So there was no individual person, but Chappie was the person that um was kind of like a a father figure to me. Um and and I I love the man for the faith that he had in me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. That makes sense. That's so interesting because I feel like just based off of what you guys like, I didn't expect you to say that. I don't know what I thought you were gonna say, but I'm kind of surprised that it was your boss, but also not because it can be very impressionable when you're young in your career.

SPEAKER_01:

Um I feel like Chappie was the like father figure for you from a like a business perspective.

SPEAKER_03:

Like Chappie was very hard on you, but he was also very good to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean m my parents, my mother I lost when I was 17. Uh my mother was a war bride, she was a foreigner. Um my mother was my mother and father weren't happy.

SPEAKER_02:

Where was she from?

SPEAKER_00:

She was from the Philippine Islands. My my father met her in World War II. Um, my father was a very good man. My father was a functioning alcoholic. Um he was just a simple guy. I mean, I think he was a very loving, very loving, kind man. Um but he didn't really interface with me or my sisters, didn't really play with us. And I was the generation back then. Yeah. Uh kind of growing up. And unfortunately, I was that way with my children. I really never interfaced with them or played with them. Um, I was fortunate that my wife was an outstanding mother. Um, and I just looked at myself as being a provider.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, and that's what I did.

SPEAKER_03:

And you were a very good provider, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, Christopher, do you ever wish you had a job where you could see results instantly, like your dad selling cars and running a dealership? Because like a lot of what you do is you deal with a lot of failures in the lab and in testing and stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I mean How does that not get to you?

SPEAKER_01:

It is weird because it's like the um the job of being a scientist and an engineer, most of your career is I tell people this all the time, I most of my job is to fail until I succeed. And um, at first it was super frustrating, and then it took me a while to get to this point, and it was mostly towards the end of my PhD that I started to think this way, but it was when I started detaching myself from like it being my experiments or my research. It was the research, and the results were just the results, not my results. Yeah. So I was able to kind of detach and look at it as more as progress rather than a failure or success. It was just doing the what needed to be done to make the discovery or whatever it might be. Um but yeah, it's it's it's kind of almost like it's like a dopamine hit, right? So you when you find that one thing that kind of like launches it forward or gets you to the next step, that moment is like a high. It's a rush, and it's so exciting and so thrilling. And then you kind of go back into the lull, back into the grind, but it's the excitement of chasing that high again that kind of keeps you going as well.

SPEAKER_02:

That makes sense. And for anyone that's done HB that's listening to this, do you notice the parallels there of how he said, like instead of making it his research, it's the research, he's just essentially creating distance from it, which is the same thing that you should be doing with the challenging emotions. So just wanted to point that out.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, when I did not do that, it was rough. Exactly. Every time something because like what I had two major por uh parts of my thesis, and one of them um you could have looked at as a a failure if the whole point was to make this concept work, right? The whole part of my research was pretty much showing that it just wasn't going to work, right? So it wasn't like romantic, like I was making the the one half of my thesis wasn't like exciting because it was just like, yeah, this isn't gonna work. I have the data showing it's not gonna work, and it bothered me at first for a while. Yeah, especially because my advisor was like, no, this has to work, right?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, but then when I was like, no, it doesn't, like I have the proof to show that it's not going to work, and here's my really hard work that shows it's just not gonna happen. Um that to me was when I really kind of like was able to be like, no, this is I am I am just answering the questions, right?

SPEAKER_02:

That makes sense. Um, Kathy, I have a question for you. Um, because I have a lot, a lot. I would say the majority of my listeners are either stay-at-home moms, homeschooling moms, or working moms, all the above. Um, what is one thing that you wish people understood about what it takes to run a family that long?

SPEAKER_03:

To me, I'm gonna say it was easy. I was blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. I could not have held a job and raised my kids. So I thank God every day for that, that I was there every day. And I feel bad for mothers, especially. Sorry, Chris, that can't be home with their children. I do. It breaks my heart. Yeah. But I also understand that some mothers need that stimulation outside of the house, too. So that's fine too.

SPEAKER_02:

But what outside of staying home though, what is it, what is it about you and the way that you mothered though?

SPEAKER_03:

That well, my kids would tell you that I was a helicopter mom and I did not let them experience life. I'm kind of like that. But that being said, my son is a scientist, and my daughter is one of the greatest people I know. She's so good. You're great too, Chris.

SPEAKER_01:

Lauren's awesome. Lauren's awesome. But yeah, but my kids are great.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like I can answer that question for you.

SPEAKER_02:

But okay, answer it. You what made you so the question was what essentially The question was what what's one thing you wish people understood about what it takes to run a family that long? And I think it should be specific in like what it takes to run a family that is healthy.

SPEAKER_03:

There's a lot of fear. I have to say, there's a lot of fear in it. I feared a lot of things. They'll tell you, I feared everything with my kids. They would break bones, they would be hurt, they would be sad, they would be just whatever.

SPEAKER_01:

I always Yeah, but I don't think that's what it took. That was part of your experience. What it took for you to do that was just perseverance. Like you always just did what you had, like you are someone that always just did what you had to do. There was no question of like, oh, I don't want to do this today, or this is challenging. No, I never thought of it that way. But that's my I think that's the point.

SPEAKER_03:

I never thought of it that way. It was just I it was it was my job, and I loved my job. Yeah, I loved it.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like you show that same like energy with Lovey when you're around her, too.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that child.

SPEAKER_02:

I know she's the best. Bill, do you have any thoughts on from like what you saw with your wife, like what it took, or what you saw that she was?

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, unfortunately, I mean, I worked all the time. Yeah, and I worked because I loved working.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, and I was uh I become much more engaged as a grandfather than I was as a father. Um and and my wife was able to just keep things in check. Um, and that took a lot off me, and I think that's one of the main reasons that I was able to be successful, because I always used to tell people, you know, when they would ask me what does it take to be successful in the car business, and I would say, a wife that doesn't bitch about things all the time. Uh because you're you're working a lot of hours, you're working a lot of nights, you're working every weekend. Um, and in a lot of cases, she had to be a mother and a father. She's the one who went to the game, she's the one who supported them. Uh but the fact that she did it so well allowed me to focus on my business.

SPEAKER_02:

So that kind of brings me to my next question for you, Belle. Is like now, because like if we babe, you've had a lot of success on paper, but years-wise, your dad has you beat, right? Yeah, absolutely. He's older, so this is why I'm asking him first, but like I'm not downplaying your accomplishments. Okay. So now that you have retired and you've had a boatload of success, like truly on paper, what's your working definition of success today, here in whatever month it is, October 2025?

SPEAKER_00:

What I try to tell people and I try to tell my children if you can find something that you truly love, you'll never have to work a day in your life. I agree. And I was blessed that I found something that I truly loved that made me a boatload of money. But I've learned also money is not what makes you happy. It's trying to climb the ladder of success. You know, I remember, you know, I said when I first made my my hundred thousand dollars that that would be success. Yeah. Then I made a hundred thousand, then it was like a real thing. When I make my next, you know, half a million, that will be success. Then when I made that, then it was when I make my first million, that will be success. So chasing it is fleeting. It really truly is. Um not that anything's wrong with chasing it, but if the I don't think it ever fulfilled me.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you're always gonna be the goalbooks like that.

SPEAKER_00:

The goofball.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

To me, if you can be truly happy at what you do living a simple life, that to me is a true definition of success.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because in my career, I've met a lot of very wealthy people that were the very unkind, very unhappy, and to me their lives weren't successful. On paper, they were successful, but their lives weren't. So if I told if I would say focus on not needing a lot, to me, someone who doesn't need a lot to make them happy are truly the richest people in the world.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I agree. Okay, this is a question for everybody. Um, who do you guys think sacrifices the most and who gets the least credit?

SPEAKER_00:

I think my wife sacrificed the most and got the least credit.

SPEAKER_03:

Her face, Kathy. You're right. Going to totally agree with that. I was I worked at John Montamaker's, nobody knows what that is anymore. I got a call one day from his ex-wife saying, come pick up the kids right now. I quit my job like that and became a mother like that. So that was the end of that life as I know it, and the beginning of a new one.

SPEAKER_02:

What do you think, babe?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I don't feel like I've I feel like I've on the opposite spectrum where I'm able to be selfish because of the sacrifices my parents made.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So I'm able to be selfish. Well, I'm I live states away when there's things at home that I could be working and helping with and all that. So I feel like because Yeah, I don't feel like I've I'm not sacrifice the only thing I feel like I'm sacrificing is time with my family. The for my career, right? That's the only thing that I feel like I'm sacrificing. That's a self-inflicted wound.

SPEAKER_02:

So this next question is for Bill and Christopher because I don't think you'd have an answer for it. Unless you do, please share, but I don't think you'd have an answer for it based off of what you said. Is there a moment in your guys' careers thus far where you realized or that moment made you go, oh, this is not it?

SPEAKER_00:

Um I mean, life just is what it is. It took its course. Um I didn't sacrifice anything to be candid with you in my life. I my kids lived in my family lived a very good life because I had the ability to provide them with a very good life. And I also could do whatever I wanted to do. But more important more importantly, I loved what I did. So, you know, I never felt a day that I sacrificed anything. And, you know, I don't really think much. I mean regret doesn't really have you know, I remember saying that I would never regret anything, but as I get older, um the only thing I regret is I wish I appreciated my life more than I did. Um I never took the moment to be in the now. I always focused on the past, I always focused on the future, never really paid attention to my kids growing up, you know, never paid attention to the the a wonderful wife that I had. And um and I don't think I'm that unique. A lot of people that have had success do that. But I would encourage those people that what you should really be focusing on is living and appreciating and have gratitude in the moment. Because if you did that and made that an art form, uh your life would be far more successful than people that have a big W too.

SPEAKER_02:

That and your health would be so much better.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Period. Babe, what about you? Is there any moment you're like, wow, this is like not it in your efforts?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, there are so many moments during my PhD where I just wanted to pack it up and leave.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's a whole podcast episode aren't so.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, so I can save that for another day.

SPEAKER_02:

That'll be our uh Squirrel. Legends of the Squirrels part three. I've had people DMing me about that, by the way.

SPEAKER_01:

Good, that's great. Um, so yeah, I mean, I think there were so many moments where I I felt like I wanted to quit, like I hate this, this isn't fun anymore. Like it was it was robbing my joy from like what I wanted to do, but just because there was this huge roadblock that was my professor at the time, um, that just I felt like that was constantly dragging me back, right? Like I would take one step forward and then he'd hit me two steps back. Um but there was always this like no matter how close I got to wanting to quit and wanting to leave, I'm I mean my family also I'm as stubborn as it gets. And the second I thought that someone else was gonna make me do something, make me make that decision, and it wasn't my own decision to do it, I said no. And I would just dig in deeper and I would dig in deeper. So for me, there's a lot of moments that are just like it suck, but I I realize that's kind of par for the course with anything. There's gonna be, you know, c coworkers that suck, there's gonna be moments at work that suck, there's gonna be parts of your work that you don't like. But for me, it was always about focusing on the things that I wanted to accomplish and wanted to do, and I wasn't gonna be told that I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I remember having a conversation one time when he was thinking of quitting, and he kind of said that you know, I that he the reason he did this is because he felt I wanted him to be a doctor, and that was something that was important to me. And I remember saying to him, I'd say, Chris, you do what you want to do, you know, it's your life. But at the end of the day, will you be able to live with yourself because you let this one man dictate to you what your future would be?

SPEAKER_03:

And I said, baby boy, you can come home and living in your basement.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, that was a moment where it kind of like, you know, the we call it the school of hard knocks, me and my friends, that everyone that's worked for Bill school of hard knocks. And it was one of those moments where I kind of reflected and was like, you know, it's true, like I'm not gonna let someone else tell me that I can't do this. Like, I'm the one that's gonna tell me if I can or can't do this.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Kathy. Yes. Um, if raising kids came with a salary, what would you pay yourself? Oh, I would do it for free. Okay, but what would you pay yourself? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

One billion dollars.

SPEAKER_03:

One billion dollars. Okay, fair. Now I honestly can say I would never in a million years accept a penny for raising my children. Ever. Ever. Fair. So all the money is mine.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh yeah, brother.

SPEAKER_03:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, then on that note, what is your version of a promotion? Is it a nap? Is it them getting good? Love me! Love you.

SPEAKER_01:

You're gonna wake her up.

SPEAKER_02:

She's still asleep.

SPEAKER_01:

Not yet, she's out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, okay. That's I I respect that. Let's get the emotional. Okay, so let's get the emotional question out of the way because like one day Loveland will definitely listen to this. If you want to, um, if Lovey and any other future grandkids overheard this conversation, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

See how a word is that overheard this conversation?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I said any other future grandkids. Oh, you stop. Stop what the hell? Okay, um, if any of them, including Lovey, overheard this conversation, what do you hope that they would take away about ambition, work, and more importantly, family? Whoever wants to go first, because I want all three of you to answer. We all just love each other. Just love, truly. Love, love. That's why she's named what she's named. Yes. Because she's in a family full of most important thing is love.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll say that's like one thing from a Kazan perspective that family is very, very important to us. Family is the most important thing. You wouldn't be able to tell from our last name, but we come from a very Italian background.

SPEAKER_03:

And we're loud. And we're loud and we're proud. It sounds like we're fighting all the time. I was indoctrinated to this. Yes, but and we do fight, we have some very hated arguments. Absolutely. But at the end of the day, it's all reading in love. Come near my children, I will cut you.

SPEAKER_02:

Listen, she's not lying. She will absolutely cut you. And I'm part of that bucket of children, so don't come for me, Bill. Anything you want, Lovey, to hear?

SPEAKER_00:

Just do what makes you happy. Oh, and and at the end of the day, I've been blessed.

SPEAKER_03:

Just let it go, Lovey. Let it go. We're in the moment. Right now, you'll appreciate how that is.

SPEAKER_00:

One of the things that I never had the opportunity, I had to as you know, fend for myself as I got older. Um, but I think, you know, my hard work has paid off that my grandchildren uh will have the opportunity to to be whatever they choose to be. They're not gonna have to worry about, you know, financially can they afford to do those things? They will be able to. So I would hope that they would take that blessing and be the best thing, not for themselves as far as making money, but what can they do to have the biggest impact on the world and humanity?

SPEAKER_02:

What do you want, Lovia, here?

SPEAKER_01:

That's I mean, definitely that. I think that for me, I spent so much of my life being anxious and like with my you know head down and just trying to be get through everything and persevere through everything. And I think there, I mean, our family, we could probably have 15 episodes and all the stuff that we've experienced as a family. And I just for her, I want her to realize that like so many things are gonna try and take your joy away, and so many things are gonna try to interfere with you being happy and with you doing what you want to do and what you love to do in life. But a lot of it is like how you respond to it and how you react to it is everything because you get to choose your joy, no one else can take that from you, and you get to choose what you want to do with your life. So I would just want her to understand that she has all the power in the world to do all the things that she wants to do in life.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely. I'm gonna add on that. Do not let anybody, because I've had to get rid of people in my life that sucked the joy out of my life and just were toxic in my life. And she's got so much. Don't allow those people in your life to begin with. You know, just don't let them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she's got way too much joy. People will each and I would just say, as your mom, if you listen to this, is use your voice. That's all I would say. Absolutely. Just use your voice. You've got one, Jake. She sure does. Um, I'm trying to think if there's other questions I want to ask. Sorry. The the the prompts from Chat GPT are You're exposing the whole inner workings of interviews.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't want to be interviewed. Maybe we have part two tomorrow night.

SPEAKER_02:

We could do a part two. Oh, okay, okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_01:

We are.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, hold on. I did tell Chat GPT to edit it based off the fact that we drank some wine and I do like some of these edited questions. What would your 25-year-old self say if they saw you now?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know, but wow, I got my page.

SPEAKER_02:

You're still alive? Wow. I'm still alive.

SPEAKER_01:

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_02:

Bill?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I would have never thought at 25 that I would be alive at 70. Um, so I I don't really get wow. I I I look at you know, it's it's amazing. I look I always said to people that life was like a football game. And it was in four quarters. And the first quarter was from when you were born to 20. And in a football game, you're kind of trying to figure out where you're at on the field. You're looking at your opponent. Then from 20 to 40 was your second quarter. That's when you try to get some scores on the board. You wanted to see, you know, what you can do, how you can beat this game of life. Then the third quarter was 40 to 60. By then you better be on the way to winning the game, or you really need to adjust your playbook. And then from 60 to 80 was pretty much you either won the game or you lost the game. And anything over 80 was the same. Unless of the fucking Eagles.

SPEAKER_02:

Have you looked at his Instagram, by the way? The pitcher.

SPEAKER_00:

His Instagram.

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't mean to interrupt you. The pitcher that blew the Phillies game. Oh no. He's fighting for a lot. He had to turn his comments off.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry, keep going.

SPEAKER_00:

But anyway, but that's how I look at life.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

As a football game. So, what would that have to do with you thinking you're going to be dead? What order were you going to die in?

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, at twenty I mean, I I never really thought of were you going to die at home? I never thought of 20. I don't know. See, I don't go back and forth. What the 25-year-old bill is gone, the 70-year-old bill is here. So I really don't think about what the 25-year-old bill would have thought, because it doesn't matter. The 70-year-old bills are here today. That's exactly right. And it wouldn't matter. I am who I am.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Last question. If someone's listening to this and they're in the middle of figuring their life out, what would you tell them about chasing success? Or chasing happiness?

SPEAKER_03:

Chase happiness.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. They're different.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I think that I think you need to have a good spiritual core. Um, you know, I'm a Christian, so I believe a certain way, but you need to find your spiritual core and your spirit or your soul will guide you. And and to me, um the picture of you gotta kind of turn off the picture of success that the world tries to feed you. And really, if you can be at peace and not be anxious and have purpose, you're already successful.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, for me, I would say try your best. It's so easy nowadays a social media and everything just being so available for everyone to see, and you turn on TV, and there's people that are in your age group that are on TV and they're living the high life and all this stuff, and it's so much noise all the time.

SPEAKER_03:

Not real.

SPEAKER_01:

But it's not even that it's not real, it's just that you have like if you if you look at like all the famous people like of history and all the world, right? You know, like that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, right?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But you don't know a damn thing whether Thomas Edison was happy and lived a good life. True, true. Or you look at like the people that founded this, the people you know, nothing but a a check mark of what they've done, right? So people like to like want to be remembered for stuff, but like no one's actually remembered for who they were. They're remembered for a highlight reel of what was done. So like if you chase this, like I want to be remembered like these other people, then you're not you don't know what the life they lived was actually like. So, like, all that to be said, like do what you want to do to make you happy, and don't worry about the consequence of what that means from like everyone else's perspective, because you are the only one that lives with you every day, right? So don't care about like comparing yourself to other people or what is the other person's definition of success or like keeping up with the Kardashians and all that kind of stuff. Like, do what you need to do to be feel fulfilled and be happy.

SPEAKER_02:

Sidebar, the only way you can actually feel fulfilled in that is if you practice presence and being in the moment and gratitude. A lot of the things that you were saying, like it's a lot easier said than done, but um it's true though.

SPEAKER_01:

It is true, but I spent so much of my life trying to like go toe-to-toe with other people. Oh yeah, and it was like none of it, it was just like to show myself that I could do it, not never actually made me happy in the end.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll leave you with this thought.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, and then we'll vocal stem to end the episode. Oh, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Gratitude, remember this. Gratitude is the attitude that will take you to the highest altitude in life.

SPEAKER_02:

Dang, Bill. Where'd you hear that? What book did you read that from?

SPEAKER_00:

From a Stamble cap. From a Stample Cap. There is a um there was a preacher that I used to listen to that said that.

SPEAKER_02:

That's actually, I mean, gratitude's medicine. Gratitude is actually shown from a neuroscience perspective to be one of the most regulating things you can do. We know this. Um, I don't know. Anything else as we close out? Kat, anything? Aside from like, don't fuck with us?

SPEAKER_01:

Join HBA.

SPEAKER_02:

Join HBA. You guys have seen me do that for a year, haven't you?

SPEAKER_00:

We have to do another podcast on the styrofoam cup. Believe you that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good one. Am I supposed to know what this is?

SPEAKER_00:

You're gonna tell me.

SPEAKER_02:

He's gonna tell you. Do you know what this is and I don't know what it is?

SPEAKER_00:

It's gonna be styrofoam cup. This is one of Bill's favorites.

SPEAKER_03:

Favorite stories.

SPEAKER_02:

Is this the story about that book with the boss and the person? Nope. The restaurant?

SPEAKER_00:

Nope.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh what do I know this story? Why am I the only one that doesn't know this?

SPEAKER_00:

I'll tell you, we don't we'll have your listeners tune in to the next one.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel left out.