What a Full Year of Commitment Taught Me

This is a special episode. A very special episode because one year ago, today, I started day one of the very first round of HBA.

In this conversation, I'm talking about what it has been like for me to 100% commit to something for a year. I share why I've never maintained this level of energy with anything else, what I learned from launching HBA every single day for 365 days straight, and why the reasons you think you're sabotaging something are not actually the reasons.

I talk about building tolerance to stay in discomfort when you're not getting the dopamine you want, the all or nothing pattern that was stronger than I knew, and what it's like to close my laptop and feel satisfied even when things aren't going the way I want them to.

If you're stuck in the disconnect between what you say you want and what you actually do. 

If you've always been either all in or all out. 

If you've spent a lot of your days being brutally mean to yourself.

Life is so much different when you're not spending most of the 24 hours you have each day fighting off a fire alarm in your head for reasons that aren't even obvious.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up you guys? Welcome back to the Dokeme Diaries Podcast. This is Coach Kate. This is a special episode. A very special episode because one year ago, today, I like launched, not really launched, uh day one started of the very first round of HBA. So essentially, this is the one year anniversary of HBA being around, being alive, being a living and breathing experience for over you know 200 women, and it's been so incredible. But I want to talk today about what it has been like for me to 100% commit to something for a year. Because if I'm being brutally honest with you guys, the level of commitment that I've had to HBA in the last year has never wavered. You might recognize that in the way that you've seen me show up. You might recognize that in some of these podcast episodes, but like I've never been committed to something in the way that I have been committed to HBA in the last year. The same energy that I had a year ago is what I have about it today on day one of this of this anniversary round, which by the way, we have 106 women participating in, which I think is so incredible. But um, I've I've never maintained this level of energy. So for context, I've launched and like quote unquote committed to so many things throughout my um career as an entrepreneur and even like my career in the corporate world, but those commitments always fizzled out the minute they started to get hard, or the minute I wasn't getting the results that I wanted from them, or the minute that um, you know, the potential of what I could do with it felt a bit scary or a bit big for me to hold. And if you guys, you know, were listening to my podcast this time last year, you heard me talk about, and I even still talk about it, but you heard me talk about just like a delulu type of energy that I had with HBA. It's just been a like, I don't care what it takes, I don't care how uncomfortable it makes me, I don't care how much it stretches me, I'm committing to this. I'm committing to HBA for a year. Now, for those of you guys that are not online business owners, um, I'm gonna explain the other piece of this that is pretty interesting. For those of you guys that are online business owners, you're gonna know, you're gonna know what I mean when I say this. I have launched this experience for a year. Nonstop. Nonstop. So for those of you that are online business owners, think about the energy that it takes to launch things. It takes a lot of energy, it takes a lot of planning, it takes a lot of strategy. For those that are not in the online business space, I want you, I just want you to understand that like when you are launching something, one, you're essentially exposing yourself to be told no over and over and over again, which no matter who you are and no matter how successful you are, nobody likes being told no. So it's like exposure therapy in like the craziest way of essentially being rejected, which hello, childhood wounds. But like if you're if you're if you don't run an online business, like it launching is one of the most like energetically demanding things that you can do, and most people will launch programs or experiences like this maybe once or twice a year, um, you know, every six months or so. I I have never stopped launching HBA. I have launched HBA every single day for the last 365 days. Some of those have been live rounds, some of those has have been private rounds. I have launched and talked about HBA in my emails, on my stories, in my content, in private discussions with people because hi, I don't use robots to communicate in the DMs, it's always me, which is why if you're waiting for a response from me, it's because quite literally there's only one of me and I do my best. But like, I have not stopped for a year, and I was talking to my coach this morning and I told her, I was like, I am launch tired. I am like I am launch fatigued. I am so tired, but I'm also so incredibly proud of what I learned about myself through this, and and that's really what I want to share. So, whether you are an online business owner or not, I know a lot of my online business owners, specifically coaches that listen to this, this is probably really gonna speak to you guys. But even if you don't own an online business, it's truly just like the takeaways that you're gonna hear from me around sticking with something, whether that be your health, can you commit to new habits? Can you commit to eating better? Can you commit to exercise? Can you commit to using your voice? And can you do it for a year, even when the results are not always guaranteed, and even when you have days where all you want to do is give up on it, which I had many of those, and I'll talk about that too. But I really think no matter who you are or what you do, you are gonna take away um something, something helpful from this. Um, and I first want to say, um, I have to give credit where credit is due. If you asked me what what was it that allowed me to be this consistent and not just consistent, this fucking loud, this fucking all in on one thing for an entire year. Like, no, no, not once ever hitting the brakes. If you had to ask me what was the thing that allowed me to do that, I would tell you it was HBI. And that is the cold hard fucking truth. Every single round of HBA that I have launched and ran for people, I participate in it. I participate in it. Why? Because every season of life, it pulls something out that is extremely helpful, and you you just it, I don't know, it's it's hard to explain until you're in it, but essentially, like, think of it as like there's so many like micro efforts that are valuable and tangible takeaways in the experience that no matter where you are at in your life, you can experience HBA and walk away with nuggets of wisdom, with progress, with new perspectives, with reframes that hit harder than any of the other self-help bullshit that you've been doing for the last you know decade or whatever. So it's it's important to note that like a big reason for my commitment. One, yes, I believe in it, duh. But two, in the seasons of my life in the last year that have been fucking hard, which listen, I'm a I'm gonna tell you, like, these are these haven't just been like, oh, work is stressful and my child is not sleeping. Guys, I went through like I went through a stalking case in January, bro. Like, I went through legal stuff to protect my family. I have been through a lot this year, and I really don't say that from a like woe is me standpoint. I truly say that to you from a like, if I can be this committed to something for a year, given the hardships that I have experienced, I want you to know that whatever hardships you have experienced or you, you know, are looking at facing while you're also trying to be consistent in something, it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't have to be the barrier between you being consistent. Do you know what I was doing? The the the time I was not in court, like fighting to have my name heard and to have my rights protected and to have my family safe. I was launching HB fucking A, believe it or not. I was literally parking in the court parking garage and talking to women about HBA. I've never stopped. And that is it's truly one of those things. I like need to get off my soapbox and like talk about the lessons, but like I would be remiss to not say that a big component of me being this committed and this consistent with it has actually been HBA itself and everything that it's taught me and the safety that it has helped me learn and just being uncomfortable and not running away from the discomfort. So let's talk about the things that I learned. One, the things that like you think like the reasons you think you are sabotaging something, or the reasons that like you think you're gonna give up are not actually the reasons. They're really not. And a good way I can explain this to you is like there were so many times where say a live launch wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, or it felt like I was just getting no after no after no after no. There may be some of you guys that listen to this that you're like, oh yeah, I was one of those no's. You know what? Thank you, because you guys truly taught me some things over the last year. But like there were times where it was like two weeks all I was getting was no's. And it's one of those things where you just kind of start to question like, is there something wrong? Is the program not good? Wait, maybe all of this, you know, feedback I have from people that have done it, maybe that's maybe I'm crazy or maybe it's just not good enough, right? Or whatever it may be. But I was getting a lot of no's and I remember thinking to myself, like, oh, I'm just uncomfortable with this, I'm gonna stop. You know what? It's not even worth it. It's been a good run. Let me focus on something else that will give me like a quicker win or like a quicker hit of dopamine. So the constant exposure to nose and truly the staying in it when it wasn't going my way. So for those of you that have health goals when maybe the progress isn't progressing the way you want it to, or those of you that have business goals when the revenue isn't revenueing the way that you want it to, or those of you that are really trying to like completely overhaul your life and it feels like you're getting one setback after another, maybe the medicine is to not run away because it's uncomfortable and it feels out of control. Maybe the medicine is to like, you know, reality check yourself and say none of this is actually life-threatening. And if I just stay in this discomfort and like ignore the need for dopamine, it's actually gonna build my tolerance to stay in it in the long run, which is exactly what it did for me. So when I looked at like wanting to give up sometimes, my reasoning for that was well, it must be a problem with the experience, it must be an issue with my marketing, or it must be an issue with I don't know, whatever, the the reels that I'm making or the content, or I don't have enough bonuses, or whatever it may be. No, it none of those things are the problem. And in fact, they're never the problem. The problem is I just felt uncomfortable not getting the things that I wanted, and I wanted to go chase dopamine elsewhere. So it's like when you can like really reality check yourself and say, what am I actually trying to run from right now? Is it something that I can specifically name, or is it just discomfort? And I'm trying to find a way to soothe or ignore the fact that I'm uncomfortable and I'm not getting the things that I want. That pattern has actually shown up in so many parts of my life. Like, more than just launching HBA, more than just being ruthlessly committed to something for the last year. The pattern of I feel uncomfortable, I'm gonna give up, shows up in so many pieces of my life. I don't really want to have this conflict with my significant other, I feel uncomfortable, I don't really feel comfortable voicing my needs, I'm going to ignore it, I'm going to distract, I am going to rage clean or do whatever. I have actually found that in so many other pieces of my life, I have actually taken steps to do very uncomfortable things. I've shown a level of vulnerability with my significant other around my feelings, completely unrelated to HBA. But like when you have a history of abusive relationships, you kind of don't feel safe being vulnerable, even with someone that is safe, right? And everyone always says, like, you know, you heal how you show up in relationships when you're finally in a safe one, and that couldn't be more true. But like, truly, like, I can name so many situations where it was like I knew I just needed to like explain how I was feeling and be vulnerable and like be held and supported by someone in that moment that was safe, but because it was so vulnerable in the past and even in the early years of our relationship, I wouldn't, and I would just kind of shut down and he would even tell you this. But what I've noticed in the last year is I'm communicating more because I'm recognizing that like tipping point of like, oh, this just feels like really, really uncomfortable. Oh, he just wants me to express myself. I don't know, that feels super, super unsafe. And I've actually chosen to express myself. Why? Because I now feel like I have enough bandwidth and tolerance to feel that level of discomfort and not run away from it. Where did I build that? One in HBA, but two, by being ruthlessly committed to it for the last year. It's been crazy to see the parallels and how this has shown up in other parts of my life when it comes to being okay with being very uncomfortable and not just like as a knee-jerk reaction trying to sprint fucking far away from it. The building of the tolerance to be, ugh, this makes my stomach crawl, but still have enough like logical thinking to say, well, it's uncomfortable, but it's not unsafe. Let me tell you, is fucking everything, regardless of what area of your life it's you know being applied to. Another thing that I've learned from being like ruthlessly committed to something for a year, especially through some really, really hard moments, um, is it's really given me a sense of confidence. Um, it's really given me a sense of confidence of like these longer and like bigger, bigger vision goals that I have that like require more than just like a week's worth of effort. Again, it's like being ruthlessly committed to HBA for the last year has just become this biggest like book of evidence for me. Like, truly, like anytime or anything that I'm looking at now, like when I look at planning for 2026, whether that be business or personal life, anything that I think I want to do that even feels remotely overwhelming, I now get to say, Well, this, you know, 2025 was pretty overwhelming. Um, launching HBA for a year was really hard and really overwhelming, but you found a way each and every day to get it done. So you can do this, you can focus on this little thing for the next three months, or you can spend the next 30 days completely locked in and build out this funnel or whatever it may be for your business that's gonna set you up long term. Like, oh yeah, like these all of these like previously larger goals that I always said I wanted to do, but then never felt like I had enough energy to do, or it just never felt safe enough for me to do. Now I have this piece of evidence that says, hey, you did this for a year, you can literally do everything, do anything that you want. And it's interesting because again, this is one of the things I talk about in HBA. In HBA, we build through micro efforts, micro steps. We build evidence, and we build evidence for our body and specifically our nervous system to start to believe that we can do the things that we say we want to do. Because isn't that often the disconnect? It's always like, well, I have these goals and I can name these goals, but when push comes to shove, I always give up on these goals. The body, the effort, the action never matches the thought or the thing that you can write down on paper saying that you want. There's always a gap, and that gap is having evidence and having your nervous system believe that it's safe enough for you to stay in the discomfort of the time it takes for you to get there and still let it be okay. It's withholding the need for instant gratification, it's withholding the need for getting dopamine as quick as possible. And damn, what a testament to the society that we live in that I could stick with something for a year and not always get the reward that I want from it when I could have literally done anything else to get the reward. And I still chose not to. If that's not evidence, I don't know what else is. There are so many goals that I have had for my life, both both personally and professionally, that I've always wanted to do, but they've always felt so lofty that now after doing this year of like full commitment to HBA, they still they still seem a bit lofty, but they're like they're like 40% less terrifying. And that 40% is the difference between not doing anything for it and actually taking actions towards the things that we say we want to do, right? There's always the disconnect between what we say we want and what we actually do, and that is always a felt sense of safety within our body and specifically our nervous system to actually fucking stick with it and do it when the rewards and and when the end result isn't right away. I see this all of the time. So that's another thing that it you know really, really taught me. The other thing that it it I mean, and it's still teaching me this, is my like my hmm, my pattern of being like either all in or all out, like very extreme thinking, black and white thinking, was definitely a lot stronger than what I knew about myself. And this really showed up in the last year, specifically in those moments where like life was lifing, and I was tired, or I had been up all night putting together, you know, court documents, or I just was having some really rough mental health moments from that experience, or some really difficult parenting moments, or personal life stuff, right? Like, there were so many things that happened that basically like took away some of my capacity for that day and for that moment to give the best that I thought that I could give, and it really challenged me every single day in the last year to give give the bandwidth that I have, and like the analogy I like to use for this is and I just I just talked about this analogy and the all-or-nothing roundtable program that I ran um two weeks ago for uh people in HBA, but the analogy I like to give is like we wouldn't expect ourselves if if if our body was like a phone battery, right? It'd be silly to assume that we could only do things if that battery was working at 100%, right? Um, it'd be silly to assume that your iPhone could only do iPhone things if the battery was at 100%, right? No, your phone can still work when it's at 30%, your phone can still work when it's at 7%, your phone can still work when it's at 98%, right? The point is, as human beings, and especially as human beings that are under like a lot of stress or have constantly lived their life in like a pretty urgent state, or you've always been go, go, go, or you've always given up and you've always moved in the goalpost on things, it's really easy to want to like control down to a T the experience and the results that we're having. And I noticed that come up so many times in the last year, so many times where I'd be like, Well, I'm not really feeling it today, or my energy feels off, or you know, I'm working through some trauma and I just feel sad today, or I just feel kind of shut down today. And I really had to challenge myself to still give what I had to give. And guys, some days that look like giving literally like five percent effort. Some days that also look like giving no effort and also not assuming that because I gave no effort that it was somehow like a break in the chain of consistency that I had. No, like the bigger gift is to be able to understand what your limit and what your capacity is at every single day, and to be fully supported and encouraged and proud of giving that much, even if it's five percent charge, even if it's 30% charge, even if it's 98% charge, and even if it's a hundred fucking percent charge, the real win is saying whether it's a hundred or whether it's two. It all means the same because I chose to give it. I am not somebody historically that has been able to do that because I've been somebody that it's like if I like I've always said to people, I'm either all in or I'm all out. I've said that. I probably said that before I did HBA last year. In fact, I'm pretty sure I remember saying that on a podcast. I'm either all in or I'm all out. That's a huge problem, and really it just comes down to in beans, hey, I don't feel safe not having 100% control, and that's something that again can be taught and re-retrained and repatterned in HBA, and that's exactly what I noticed happen, right? It was the exposure to challenging myself to show up in all of those ways, yeah, but it was also the reprogramming that was done in HBA that on top of giving that year of consistency, like I'm a different fucking person a year later. Like, I'm a different fucking human being a year later post-HBA. And like I'm sitting here recording this podcast at one of my favorite spots by the river, which is probably why you've heard noise this whole time. And I can remember when I first launched this podcast, I would record a lot of the episodes outside, and I would would record a lot of the episodes here because I told myself this was the space that I felt like I was in like my best energy, and I only wanted to record a podcast when I was at my best. Well, if you actually go back and listen to all of my podcast episodes, I record them all over the fucking place because I no longer subscribe to that narrative that I can only give when I am at my best. If I want to give that day, I'm gonna give what I have. And again, whether it's 2% or 100%, the level of satisfaction that I have felt, even on the days where it's only been 2%, unlike anything else I've experienced. I am somebody that I'll use health as an example. I used to beat myself up so bad if like my workout was half-assed, or I just like needed a rest day. Like I used to beat myself up so bad, and now I'm just like, oh, you know what? I gave 10 minutes to lifting today. Up that's good enough. I feel really good about it. And it no longer takes up any other chunk of my head space. Do you guys? I mean, if you know, you know, right? All of my like crazy type A perfectionists when it comes to your health, maybe you don't know, but maybe you should know, and maybe you should do HBA to find out. There is so much freedom in giving up that all or nothing thinking that truly is just like staying in a cycle of being hyper focused on control. And one of the things I talk about in HBA is it's not that control is bad, and it's not that we're not allowed to want to have control. Control is a form of safety, and safety is a basic human need. But when it gets to be out of hand, and when we start dictating what we can do and our worth and our value based off of how much we can control, or we dictate our lack of value because we feel out of control, that's when it becomes really problematic, right? Like, so it's just been really interesting to kind of see that shift in me as well of like I don't really have this like expectation of perfect anymore. Like I just it's crazy. Like I end the day feeling satisfied with what I gave, and what I gave is so vastly different each day. And some days, some days I just fuck off because that's what I need. And then other days I'm super locked in because that's what I can give. And it's just the the level of just like I close my laptop and feel good enough now. Like I close my laptop and feel like I gave what I gave, and I can just come home and be mom and be fully present in that moment is fucking everything. And one HBA gave me that, yeah. But two, like truly challenging myself and my mindset to shift out of that all or nothing mentality in the last year of launching has also contributed to that. It's just been like there's been so many things that have that have changed for me. Like I just I don't know like how to fully articulate it sometimes because I feel like it's truly such a felt like sense of change more than just here I can explain to you what this relief feels like. I can't really explain to you guys what this relief feels like, but all I can say is that like I've learned so much. I've learned so much about what happens when I stick with something. It's built so much confidence, it's built so much evidence for these other things that I want to accomplish now at this season of my life, and more than anything, like it's HBA has just like made me a better person. It's made me a better person, it's made me more connected to myself. It's given me tools and solutions to be more present at home. It's given me like a greater muscle of compassion and acceptance when I have a hard time. Like I'm no longer like mean to myself. Like like I have moments maybe, they're brief moments, but I'm no longer spending like full days and weeks being an absolute dick to myself. It's just moments, and it's moments that I can kind of like witness and catch, and I know how to respond to them. I know how to like figure out what those moments need to then shift to a better place, not a perfect place, not a like happy place, but a better place. A place that isn't so like hypercritical of myself. And you know, if you're maybe that will only resonate with anyone else that has like spent a lot of your life or a lot of your days, maybe even recently, being like so brutally mean to yourself. But I just want to tell you that like coming out on the other side of that, like life is so much different. Life is so much different when you're not spending most of the 24 hours you have each day like fighting off a fucking fire alarm happening in your head for reasons that aren't even like obvious when there's like no actual threat, but it feels like you're being chased by a bear no matter what you fucking do. Like, I don't know how to explain that other than believe me, it's worth it's it's worth investing money, it's worth doing an experience, it's worth being uncomfortable, it's worth like saying out loud what your goals are and like putting it out into the universe what you want. Because again, like this time last year I had no idea if HBA was gonna make it a year, but I was like, ah fuck it, I'm gonna try because I I don't know. I just I have to. I have to be Delulu. I have to be trusting, I have to be confident in it, and it it just it's just really been it's been the coolest thing. And if you've done HBA, then you know. If you haven't done HBA, well you don't know until you know. Um it's just been a really, really cool, crazy experience of being fully committed to something for a year. Some I mean, I've never been fully locked in like this um for a year to anything else. Truly, I haven't. Um, yeah, I'm trying to think if there's anything else I wanted to add. I feel like this episode was kind of all over the place, but if you get it, you get it. If you don't, that's okay. Um, oh yeah, I guess I could do a couple updates with HBA. So obviously, the anniversary round is happening right now. It is a live round. Um, you could still hop in if you want, you could get caught up pretty easily. Um, but even if you're listening to this, like you know, two weeks after I upload it, you can hop into HBA whenever you want. HBA is becoming a forever open um no matter what day of the week it is, you can hop in. So it's just one of those things where if you've been telling me no for a year, that's fine. Maybe you're gonna tell me no for a whole nother year. Or you you know what, you're not gonna be telling me no because I'm not gonna be asking anymore. You'll just be telling yourself no. Um, and that gets really exhausting arguing with yourself. Ask me how I know. Um, but just know that you can hop into HBA whatever you want. Um, it's been a really, really great experience. I'm so excited for this anniversary round. Again, we kicked off yesterday with the very first Sunday reset training, and then they got their first um 6 30 a.m. brain's app this morning. It's been really, really cool to kind of see some of the feedback and like realizations of what they're feeling. Like they're able to kind of like make sense of it and name it now versus it being this like, oh, I don't know what's going on, I just feel out of control. Like already on day one, they're like, Oh, this is what I'm experiencing. It's crazy. It's crazy when you can start to put like actual reasoning behind these things and realize that there's actually nothing wrong with you, and it's not something that you're just like destined to struggle with forever, it's just an experience that you're having, and when you know how to meet that experience with what it needs, you suffer way less in it, and it's just really, really cool to see that already happening on like 36 hours of the program um running with them, and we have you know four weeks, so um, I think I'll end it there. This is kind of a longer episode, but I just wanted to get it get it out there. Um, there's gonna be a lot of things coming in 2026 that I'm so excited about. Um, I'm gonna keep it vague because yeah, I mean, it's gonna be another year of commitment for me, and I'm excited to do it and excited to see all of the lessons that it brings me this time. But yeah, if you've listened to these episodes for the last year and if you've heard me harp and harp and harp on HBA like my life depended on it, um, thank you. For those of you that have said yes, it has been my greatest, greatest joy to deliver this experience to you. And for those of you that have said no to me over and over and over again. Well, some of you guys, I I finally got you to say yes in this current round, you know who you are. Um, but for those of you that have told me no for a year, um, when you're ready. When you're ready, it's not going anywhere, and it is only going to continue to get better. So I will probably talk to you guys maybe tomorrow. And maybe, maybe tomorrow. But otherwise, we'll talk soon. Bye.