1 Surprising Thing that Support Showed Me

Let yourself be supported. I say it all the time, but holy fuck, you cannot possibly understand what that feels like until you just do it.

In this conversation, I'm sharing what happened when I finally hired support for my business after being a one-man show for five years. I talk about why it was so hard to do, the moment I was filling out a form that asked what's weighing on my mind and I literally couldn't find a problem, and why motherhood chaos feels completely different now.

I share what changed when I stopped believing I could do it better myself, why the discomfort of doing something for yourself as a mother is so short-lived, and what happens when you finally have the energetic bandwidth you've been missing.

If you know deep down there's something you want or need but it feels really bad to say out loud because you think it's taking away from your family. 

If you've been listening to this podcast for a year and still haven't done HBA (yes, I'm talking to you). 

If you believe that energy, money, time, and resources belong to your kids first and asking for support makes you less of a mother.

Be selfish. Your kids get a different parent when you're supported. And I'm kicking myself that I didn't give this version of me to my daughter sooner.

Take the first step.

Grab HBA at 20% off: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

Transcript

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What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the Dope Mean Diaries Podcast. This is Coach Kate. I want to share some things about what happens in your life when you let yourself be supported. So if you've been around my page, my emails, or whatever it may be, you know that I say all the time, let yourself be supported. Let yourself be supported. I feel like as mothers, and especially as working moms, it's like we know, like we could say on paper that, yeah, I really want someone to help me. I really need help. I really need a break. I really want support. But then when we're given that opportunity, whether it's free, costs money, or requires us to ask, or just be okay with setting things down, man, do we not have a hard time doing it? It's almost like we're in this like um middle ground of wanting support, but feeling so threatened when it actually comes time to take it, or feeling so selfish, like that money or those time or that time or those resources um needs to be spent on our family or on anything else. And I want to share with you an example of how I've seen this come up in my life. And I'm hoping that by sharing some very like detailed things, like I'm gonna go pretty detailed, you know, pretty pretty much the norm for this podcast. Um, I'm hoping that it inspires you to look at an area of your life that like intuitively, like your gut knows you need help and you are deserving of help, but you're just not doing it. And I hope that this is the little push that you give yourself to take the next step towards getting it. So um, you know, a couple months ago, I well it's back in the summer, I hired someone to help me with like admin things within my business. Well, it ended up being a bad hire, and so it's already hard enough for me to hire. I've been a one-man show for five years. Um, part of that is because, you know, I'm not a huge business, I don't need a massive team, but the other part is I didn't want to give up control, and I just believe that things can be done better if I do them myself, and that is very true. That's true, but also um my life can get a lot better if I let other people do things slightly less to the standard that I would do them, and that is the tough pill to swallow. So um, in this summertime, I made a hire. Really, really difficult for me to do that. I felt selfish, I felt all types of ways about it, and then it ended up going sideways, and yeah, that made the prospect of hiring again feel very impossible. But I was in this situation of, well, I know I need help to get some of these things up and running for the new year. Like I just do. Like I my time and my effort needs to be spent on other things. That way, at 5 p.m., I am able to go into mom mode. Um, I was finding very quickly that my evenings were spent with my child, but in my head about work, and I did not like that. I was finding very quickly that like how overstimulated I got was more frequent than it really needed to be. Like, I think it's pretty par for the course to be overstimulated as a working mom, but I feel like to be overstimulated all of the time with no breaks, um, that's where something's off or something needs to be addressed. So, you know, after that bad hire happened, I was like, okay, um, I'm just gonna tough this out, see, I don't need help, see, I can do this. And I, you know, got to a point um where I had to make a decision to hire again. And so, fast forward, I hired someone new, and I've been working with her for two months now, and she's great. Like, I have a completely different feeling with her. Like, she treats me like a queen. It's almost like suspicious, like the way that she is just like so thorough in how she communicates. I'm like, why are you being so nice to me? It's crazy that I'm that suspicious of someone being so nice to me. But she's like, I mean, she literally treats me like I am paying her to help me, and so she is going to do that job. It's bananas to be supported. But I say this to you guys because I had a call this morning with my um business coach, and um every Friday before our call, she sends me just a short questionnaire. And in that questionnaire, one of the questions is what is something that's weighing on your mind? Um, to just describe it so we could talk about it on the call. And it was last night, so right, today's Monday. So Sunday night, I'm filling out this questionnaire because you know I'm late on it always. Um, and I read that question and I just kind of sat there and I'm like, man, I like there's really nothing weighing on my mind. And it's crazy because as I was standing in my kitchen, I found myself starting to like search for a problem. Um, like I was literally trying to find something to put in that piece of the questionnaire because I was like, I don't, I don't really see. There's, I don't, I don't know. Like, I don't really feel like there's anything catastrophic happening right now. There's really nothing on my mind. Like I'm in mom mode right now. Like I like it, and I described it to her on our call today like this. I said, it's almost like I have gotten so good at when I am mom, I am mom, that challenging myself to even shift over into business owner mode was like nearly impossible. But also it was nearly impossible because there was no active fire. And I say that to you guys because the reason why there's no active fire, the reason why, you know, it's Sunday night and I'm looking at a form that's asking me what's weighing on your mind about your work or your business. And I'm literally like, nothing. There's like, I mean, that like there are a bajillion problems, sure, but like all of them have answers and all of them will be fixed, and I'm not worried about any of them right now. And none of them are too big to be weighing on my mind. They are just things to exist and things to get done. The way that the way that that feels when I have spent definitely the first five years of being a business owner in this capacity with coaching, um, constantly carrying problems, like constantly having fires in the back of my mind that need to be put out, constantly having big projects that need my attention, need six hours of time that I don't have. Like the way that entrepreneurship and business owning and coaching has felt so heavy for five years. And then now suddenly, when I'm asked that question, it's like nothing changed, but everything changed. Like nothing about the load of coaching and being a business owner has changed, but the but the heaviness of it has. And it's because I knew that on Friday, when I checked in with my um support, I messaged her and I, you know, I had extra hours for the month, extra billable hours that I already paid for. So I said, okay, cool, I want you to work on this. And the thing that I gave her has been this big looming thing, big looming task that like drains me of my creative energy, drains me of my ability to feel energized for the things that I want to feel really energized about. And guys, for what it's worth, I have hit now 5.1 million views in 30 days. Ironically enough, in those same 30 days, I have been so held and supported by this person that I hired that every single time I look at something on my list that you know what, I don't need to be doing this. I've given it to her, and I've been able to fully unload that from my headspace, from my thoughts. Like, I can't explain you, like it's impossible for you to understand what that feels like until you let yourself experience it. And I think that's part of the reason why women struggle so much with getting support is because we our brains have no way of wrapping themselves around what it's going to feel like because I'm telling you, you can't possibly understand how much freedom comes from letting someone help you. And as a mother, when I sat there in the kitchen last night and I was like, it's actually crazy that I cannot like I like ask me that question two years ago, I would have a laundry list of problems, of things that were weighing on my mind about my work. And now, simply because I let one person help me, simply because I said, Yeah, you know what, I need support. I'm gonna pay the money for the support. I'm going to take the time to get her up to speed on how she needs to support me. And I'm gonna trust that even though this feels like a stretch, that even though I feel like this is selfish, that even though I feel like this money could be spent towards anything else to put into my family, to put into this house that we live in, I'm gonna trust that it will actually help me be a better working mom if I put this money over here, if I put this money selfishly into something for me. Like, you cannot possibly understand what that feels like until you just let yourself be supported. That is why I say let yourself be supported. It has been such a game changer to, even as chaotic as the weekends and the evenings are. I have a two-year-old, chaos, chaos city. Chaos is her middle name. Her middle name's Charlie, but we should change it to chaos right now. Sure. And like, yes, there's a level of just like overwhelm and overstimulation that comes with motherhood as is. Like, that's just part of it. That's what you get. And anyone that says that they don't get overstimulated or overwhelmed, just fucking lying. It's just part of what you get. It's part of the beauty of motherhood, the beauty of the chaos. But to go from it just being like, oh, this is just motherhood chaos. This is not motherhood chaos mixed in with the work chaos that I'm constantly carrying around, no matter where I am or what I'm doing or what time it is. I cannot tell you how worth it that is when it comes to looking at the just action of saying, okay, I want this help. I want this support. I know it's going to be uncomfortable. This, I like feel so wrong doing this for myself, but I'm going to do it. It has changed so much for me. It's changed so much for me. I've been able to hit 5.1 million views because I have enough creative energy in my brain to make content that is popular enough to go that big. I've added over 2,000 followers. I like that did not happen by chance. That happened because I had the energetic bandwidth and space to do that. And the only reason why that happened is because I got to a point where I said, I deserve to be supported, and I'm going to ask for it, and I'm going to spend the money on it, and I'm going to feel selfish, and I'm going to feel wrong, and I'm going to feel guilty. And I'm going to let myself feel the range of emotions that comes with doing something for myself as a mother. And that is just going to be okay. The discomfort that we are so worried about and making that decision, I just want to tell you, is so short-lived because the minute you get that first taste of support, holy fucking shit does it make you feel like a brand new mom, a brand new woman, and a brand new wife and a brand new career person. I cannot stress it enough. Whether it's you're looking at hiring a coach, I've had two women come to me in the last two months and they say and run into the same problem, and they've hired me, and within a couple weeks, they're like, this is the best thing I've ever done for myself. Whether it's looking for someone to support you, whether it's looking at doing HBA, if you've been listening to this podcast, you know, I've been talking about this for a year. I've got I've got religious podcast listeners that have never done HBA, and yes, I'm talking to you. What are you doing? Let yourself be supported. It would make such a difference for you. It would make such a difference for you. Such a difference for you. Regardless of what it is. Maybe it's therapy. Maybe it's asking your significant other to do more things around the house. Maybe it's finding people, even if you don't have a village, finding people to create that village. Like, I don't care what it is. There's something probably in your life that you know would make you feel really good. And there's something in your life that deep down you really, really want. But it feels really bad for you to say out loud that you want it because you feel like that's somehow taking away from the people in your life that you love. And I just hope that this episode nudges you and encourages you to take that first step. Maybe it's just saying out loud that you want it. Take that first step. Maybe it's going onto the website and buying HBA and coming in and letting me support you. Maybe it's that first step and connecting with me on coaching. Maybe it's that first step and setting up a consult with a therapist. Maybe it's that first step and asking your in-laws for a date night with your significant other so you can regroup as parents. I don't know what it is, but there's something deep down that you've been wanting for a while, and you're not letting yourself have it because you believe that it makes you less of a mother and that that energy, that money, that time, those resources deserve and belong to your kids first. And I just want to say, be selfish. Be selfish. Your kids, I know we know this, but your kids really do get a different parent when you are supported. And I'm speaking that to you from complete experience. My child has got a different version of me since I have decided to have this support. And I'm kicking myself that I did not give this version of me to her sooner. So have a good day.