Almost Losing My Business

WIRED: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/wired

I almost lost my business… and nothing was actually wrong.

In this episode, I’m talking about how nervous system dysregulation can quietly lead to self-sabotage, especially if you’re a high-performing woman, business owner, or in a high-pressure career.

We get into:

•  how overthinking, comparison, and consuming too much content can pull you out of alignment 
•  why feeling “not enough” can start running your decisions without you realizing it 
•  the difference between business problems and nervous system problems 
•  and how this pattern can make you want to walk away from work you actually love 

If your work suddenly feels heavier than it should… this will explain why.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up you guys? Welcome back to the Dopamine Diaries podcast. This is Coach Kate. I think if you happen to have a business of any form, and even if you don't, um, if you have a very like high pressure, high responsibility career, because everything I'm about to say still parallels so much from when I was um you know at the peak of my corporate career as well. But I think if you have either of those two things, so basically, a lot of you, um you're probably going to understand what I'm gonna say in this episode. So I almost lost my business, and here's what I mean: nothing actually went wrong, like it's it's not like you know things blew up, it's not like there were no customers, there were no clients, like it wasn't that like, but I almost lost my business in a way of like self-sabotage, um, and it really stemmed from nervous system dysregulation, and how that dysregulation led me to overthinking, over-consuming, over-comparing, and really just like misaligning myself with what I actually like wanted in my life and in my business and in my day-to-day, and so you know, there are a lot of times where I'll find myself online and I do a much better job about this now. Like, you have to be really fucking careful when you are online when you own a business, because even if you don't actively follow like business coaches, that shit will find you. That shit will find you, and I feel like in the land of business coaching online, I actually saw okay, this episode's gonna go a weird place, but that's okay. Um, I saw this reel. It found me. This reel found me. Literally, perfect example of this. I don't even follow this person, I've never followed this person, don't even know who she is, but this reel popped up on my you know suggested content that I might like, and it basically said business the business coaching industry is the new um MLM, and I was like, ooh, I you know, yeah, I think so. I do think so because it's she basically like went on to say, like, business coaching is basically just like um getting someone to hire you because of the money that you make, and then telling them they that they just need to work harder and that they're doing something wrong. And there were definitely years as an entrepreneur where I fell into the like believing every business coach trap. Um, and I I say very boldly that it's a fucking trap because it is. Um, and I also say that as I currently have a business coach, um, but I have a business coach right now that is like far different than any other um experience that I've had. And it's really like that's a whole nother episode. But the the moment that I almost lost my business, um, it was actually multiple moments over time because what I would find myself doing, I would wake up and there would be nothing wrong. It would just be another day that I needed to just get things done, talk about my offers, serve my clients, create some marketing, blah blah blah. But I would see like one thing from one person, and in the back of my head, I would just be like, Okay, I'm not doing enough, okay, I'm not good enough, okay, I'm not smart enough. Um, and then that fear that like I'm not enough, that like really not even fear, that like wound, because I've carried that wound since I was a child. So, like this childhood wound of like I'm somehow not enough, would start to yell at me the minute I woke up. Um, and it would start to dictate what I was doing, and I would find myself um scrolling instead of getting work done, or I would find myself just not even scrolling, but completely avoiding it altogether because it all felt like too much, and I already felt like not enough, and it just became this like weird cycle over the course of time where it was like suddenly this business that I like love so much, and I don't even say business, like this work. I actually hate the fucking business side of things, I hate it. Like, I did not grow up wanting to be an entrepreneur, I grew up knowing that I wanted to help people. Um, and those are two very different things, but I've had to like learn how to be an entrepreneur, and I just I don't love it, but it's fine, it allows me to help people. But you know, I realized like wow, suddenly like this work that I love so much now feels so unsafe to me. It feels so just like threatening to me, and not even like threatening to me as an adult, like guys, like when some of our wounds as kids resurface, um listen, you can't just like ignore that shit. Um, and you probably don't, and even if you think you're ignoring it, it's showing up in your habits, it's showing up in how much you scroll and compare yourself to others, it's showing up in how um inconsistent you are and even talking about your work or your offers. It shows up in your overall feeling of just being discontent with a business that you have built and is objectively on paper totally fine. Like it shows up in so many ways, even if you think you are actively ignoring it. And if you are not careful, you will be so terrified and so afraid to keep poking that very deep wound that you walk away from the business and the work and the stuff that you love all together. Guys, this is exactly some of the patterns that happened when I was in corporate. This has like it doesn't even matter what job, like job or not, this pattern has shown up for me in so many areas of my life. This, like, well, I'm not enough. This, like, I'm not enough. And if something is to like poke at that, anything, you know, a random business coach that said, Oh, well, your business should be bigger by now, or you know, a random colleague that maybe you know put something out that said she disagreed with what I was doing. It doesn't really matter. Like, if you're not careful, some of these like wounds that we all carry will be the thing that has your shit fall apart, whether that be your business, whether that be your career, whether that be your personal life. And I I want to share this because I think it's so important to keep that in mind when you're going through seasons that just feel a little bit harder than they should. Whether that be seasons of life, of business, of work, it doesn't matter. If you're going through seasons where it's just like, man, I don't know. It's just like it's not feeling the way that it used to feel at the beginning. It's not feeling the way that I thought it would feel up until now. Like it's just, I don't know, I'm kind of avoiding it. I'm spending, you know, I'm spending time organizing my email inbox instead of doing the thing that I said I was gonna create three weeks ago, but I'm like kind of deeply terrified to create it, or I'm really doubting myself. I feel like I need to go invest a lot of money or time into certification because maybe if people just think I'm smarter, then I will feel like enough. No, all of these like external things that we try and latch on to to like heal or put a band-aid over that wound, they really are just band-aids, they'll make you feel good for a moment. Like, I am the queen of education, guys. I have more coaching credentials than I would ever need to have. I have coaching credentials that I don't use, okay? Multiple to put it into context. I was the queen of if I just get smarter, then I will feel like enough. If I just get smarter and everybody sees how smart I am, then I will feel like enough. And guess what? I never felt like enough, and it literally came to a head, and I had to face that shit, and I had to be like, okay, I either need to do the real work, I either need to do actual nervous system work, which hello, that's what I literally do for clients, but like plot twist, you can't do it on yourself. Um, like it came to a head where I was like, I either need to do this, um, or I'm gonna lose everything because it's gonna feel way too overwhelming and scary for me, and I'm gonna walk away from it. And I'll and I'll give you know some reason, some why as to why it didn't work, but deep down I will know it's because I was afraid, and it's because I was terrified, and it's because I couldn't understand why I would wake up some days and feel so wildly out of control in this work that I know that I love. Like it was such a disconnect sometimes of like, what the fuck? Why does this feel so insanely hard to just survive through? Yet I love it, and like this showed up for me all the time because like I do a lot of client calls, for example. Um, I do I do I do a lot of one-on-one coaching. I know that like I only talk about HBA and Wired on this podcast. Um, but I do a lot of one-on-one coaching, and I always have, and I have clients that have been with me for a really long time, and we talk every week. Some of us, some of them I talk to every other week. Um and I found that like the days where I would have coaching calls, I that hour where I would get to be coached, that hour where I would get to just be fully immersed into my genius, that's when I would feel enough. That's when I would feel okay. And then when those calls weren't happening, um, and I had to like get back to the admin stuff, I had to get back to the you know, the growth stuff, whatever the fuck. Um, that's when I would start to just feel like massively overwhelmed. And guys, you know, maybe it's icky for me to say this, but that is actually not good business. That is actually not a healthy nervous system operating inside of a business, and you guys better fucking work on that. If you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, you know what? Um, sometimes my work, sometimes my business feels the same way. You better work on that before that shit works you, okay? Like you've got to work on that. Um, because it can get to a place where all of it feels okay, even when it's hard. It can get to a place where you see the things that other business coaches are saying, or you see the things that colleagues are saying, and instead of your knee-jerk reaction being, oh my gosh, this just must mean that I'm like not doing enough, or oh my gosh, I have to do more, instead of that happening, you just feel neutral and safe and secure in what you're doing, but you have got to do the nervous system work to get there, and it is nervous system work, it's not business strategy, it's not education, it's not coaching credentials, it's not promotions, it's not, you know, yeah, busting through quotas, it's not any of that. It is some deep fucking work, it is deep reprogramming of your nervous system, and that does not happen by doing surface level shit. Like I want to say to you guys very clearly, because if you are a business owner specifically online and you're listening to this, I have a feeling that if you're listening to my podcast, that you're a business owner that gives a damn. Because I don't really like, to be honest, if I look at the people that I interact with that own businesses, I don't really work with or even like attract, um, how do I want to say uh assholes? Like, I don't really like I don't have a lot of people in my orbit that like are frauds, you know what I mean? Um, I have a lot of like genuinely talented and like so insanely passionate people um that own businesses. And I and I have to imagine if that's you listening to this, like I see you, I get it. Um, but I also want to tell you the things that you're avoiding doing are the things that will destroy your business that you love so much, and they are the things that will steal away this work that you love doing. And I don't want that for you. I did not want that for me, and I had to do, and I'm still doing a lot of nervous system reprogramming around that. Um, and guys, you know, the other layer to this is when you're online, especially, especially if you're doing any of your work online, and guys, even if you're in a career and you're on LinkedIn all the time, it's the same fucking thing. Okay, if you're using the internet at all for what you do, like I don't want to sound dramatic or scary, but like you are at risk for being more dysregulated than somebody else. Like you are, like, and especially if you are listening to this and you use Instagram for your business, you guys are the most at risk of them all. Um, we are a very uh, I say we because I use Instagram to market my business. We are a very um emotionally sensitive group of people, those of us that run a business online. You can disagree with me all you want, but it's true, and you know it's true. Um, you know damn well you scroll more than you create. You know damn well that you consume everybody else's fucking opinions before you even give yourself enough space to think about your own. You know it's true, right? Like you know it's true. Um, and it's hard, it's hard to break out of that shift because at the root of it, we're consuming more and we're scrolling more and we're like getting all of this information because our system really has us believing that if we just uh like retain if we just um accumulate more stuff, um, we will somehow have more control and have a better outcome. It's the same reason why um people that don't have businesses online will like save a bajillion recipes or save a bajillion freebies and never actually use them. It's that like, well, if I can just stay in control and like hoard as enough stuff, I'll be okay. If you have an online business and you use Instagram specifically, you are the most at risk of this. And I just cannot stress to you guys enough how important the nervous system work is. Um, if you want to maintain and keep doing what you're doing, if you love it and you don't want it to go anywhere, um, it's deeply, deeply important that you do the nervous system work. So, as always, I'm gonna wrap this up and remind you guys that especially if you're an online business owner, you need to get in wired. Like, you like you need to be in fucking wired. I can't stress that enough. Um, and if you're thinking about it or you're even on the fence or you've like half thought about it, you already know the answer. Um, like you need to be in wired because we fully focus on the nervous system work within that program. And the nervous system work that we do shows up specifically in creating a shield. I call it like a buffer or a shield, depending on which one resonates more with you. But like we're really building like that buffer and that shield around like the most important parts of your nervous system that basically influence throughout your day how you feel. Um, the parts of your nervous system that inform you of whether or not you feel safe, or whether or not this feels good, or this feels bad, or this feels scary. Like, we literally build a shield around that. Like, that is the nervous system work that we are doing and wired, and that's so important, especially if you are online, because then what that means is you can be online and not be so easily fucking influenced by it, and not so be not so easily be fucking triggered by it. You're just online, you're just like literally operating online um in a very neutral place. Like, that's why this shit matters. And even if you don't own a business and you're listening to this, same for you. Like, you can just be online and consume technology and consume the internet or whatever else may be and not be so damn reactive to what you're consuming. So, you guys should hop in Wired. I will link it in the show notes. As always, message me and let's talk about Wired. I I would actually prefer that we have a conversation about it so you feel really good about that decision. Everybody that has come into Wired so far, I've had back and forth conversations with. So I welcome that. I invite you to do that. Please message me and let's talk about it. All right, you guys have a good day. Bye.