A Passion Crash-Out (Explicit)

WIRED:  https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/wired

This episode is a full-on passion crash out, I hit record because I couldn’t not say this, and I mean every word of it.

I’m talking about the thing so many of you are doing, asking for help, but not actually letting yourself receive it.

Inside this one:

•  why it feels so uncomfortable to be supported (even when you need it) 
•  how hyper-independence keeps you stuck, exhausted, and overwhelmed 
•  the real reason your brain resists help (hint: it’s not about timing) 
•  and what it actually takes to start letting people show up for you 

This is blunt, a little aggressive, and coming straight from lived experience.

If you know you need support but keep finding reasons not to take it…well, you know what to do.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the Dope Main Diaries Podcast. This is Coach Kate. Alright, I feel like I'm crashing out. Okay. I feel like I'm fucking crashing out. It's a good crash out. This is a passion crash out. I have passion crash outs where it's like I just can't mask or filter what I really want to say. And this is one of those moments. Like I'm having a full-blown passion crash out because, guys, can I be honest with you for a second? Like, there are so many of you, like, okay, Kate, just like stop thinking about this being a podcast and just fucking talk. Give me a second. I'm gonna take a drink of water and I'm gonna stop performing like this is a podcast. And I'm just gonna be so fucking blunt because that's what I need to do. I need to express myself. That's how I will feel better. You motherfuckers have to let people support you. Fuck. And I say this like, listen, this is a this is a like passion crash out reverse Uno card back at myself, too. Okay, I like you have to fucking let people support you. And here's the thing: I know that it is so fucking hard to let people support you. I know, I know, I know. There's like so many layers to receiving support. Like deep down, you really want support, but like if support was staring you at the face, you would like not make eye contact because like your ego is like, bitch, we got this. Like, I like I'm the type of person that's like, oh, I need help, oh, I need help, oh, I need help. And then I'll wait until nobody's looking and when everybody's asleep, and then I will like deep dive my phone looking for help, and then I'll like find things that feel like help, but I'll be way too fucking exhausted to do them. And then I'll just wake up and be like, wow, I'm so fucking miserable, and like why can't I change this? And like, guys, like I have really had to work on it, and I'm still actively working on it. I've had to really work on what my relationship to suffering is. Yeah, I've really had to work on what my relationship to suffering is because unfortunately, the reason why I have had such a resistance to letting people help me or letting myself do things that would also fucking help me, guys. I'll be so fucking honest with you. I have been talking about Wired in some way, shape, or form for the last couple weeks. I have so many people that know goddamn well they need to do it, and you you guys can't give me any fucking good reason other than it's not the right time. I I uh I just it's not the right time. No, motherfucker, you just feel uncomfortable not saying that you need help. It's not that, it's not help. It's literally, it's literally not admitting that you need help because you admit it to yourself all day, every fucking day. It's getting past the physical block of actually receiving it, it's having the energy to tell your ego to sit the fuck down and let somebody come in and fucking help you. That is the problem. And I will say to you from a place of experience, the minute I started letting myself be helped, the minute I started letting myself be helped, so much shit in my life got better. And I'm still very much in the thick of it, thick of this. I have a coach right now who tells me all day, every day, I want you to reach out when you're having a bad day. And guess what happens when I have a bad day? I feel like she's gonna think that I'm stupid. I feel like she's gonna think that I'm childish. I feel like she's gonna think that um she doesn't want to help me or work with me anymore because I'm too fucking needy. Guys, do we not like I like listen, whether you've done inner child work or not, all of those feelings stem from your childhood. All of those feel like our childhood literally shapes the type of adult life that we have. Whether you are a parent or not, some of you guys have got to let yourself be fucking helped. And I will be so fucking for real with you right now. Asking for the help is totally one thing. I don't think that that's actually your guys' problem. I think that it feels so like it makes you want to fucking throw up to even think about it. It makes you want to throw up to even think about it. And that level of discomfort just leads you to, well, I'll just like keep search, like I will literally find the answer myself. I will just watch these things and learn these things myself. I can do it. Miss Hyper Independent Fucking Queen, I got it. No, you fucking don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. This is a podcast that on my bad days, I'm gonna listen back because motherfucker, do I need to hear it? No, you don't. No, you don't. You don't need to keep looking for and searching for and doing the research on the help you need. You need to let somebody come in and fucking help you. Do you want to know why? Because if you have those types of beliefs about yourself, the I don't deserve it, I'm too needy, she's gonna think I'm stupid. Guess what that tells me about probably what your childhood was? Nobody was fucking there to help you. So guess what you need now to re-wipe, rewire that fucking pattern and no longer struggle with those god fucking awful inner critic beliefs about yourself. You need somebody to help you. Why? Because it co-regulates you, it helps you feel safe enough to finally take the help, apply the help, and then have a completely new story and narrative about what help means for you. I say this from a place of experience. I'm sorry that I'm cussing so much, but I'm not fucking sorry. Because God, the amount of time that I spend in conversations with so many of you that listen, I love dearly. I love you guys, and I hope it's not weird for me to say that, but like I am somebody that if you are in my DMs, if you are in my email, if you are commenting on my stuff, like I don't just like not engage with you, like I fucking talk to people. If you're listening to this podcast, there's probably a good chance we've had a conversation before. Listen, I fucking love you guys. I really do, but god damn it, I can't do this work for you. You've got to fucking meet me there. You've got to meet me there. And so many of you guys know that you need to be, you do, you just you want to, you fucking want to. Like deep down, you want the help, but there's this like little part of you that's like, I don't deserve the help. I don't deserve the help because that makes me weak. And if I am weak, I am not safe. If I am not controlling everything on my own, I am not safe. And I get it. I get it. That's what your system adapted to, and I don't need to know why that is. I don't, we don't need to talk about the specifics in your early life that created your system that allowed your system to adapt to be that way. Unpack that with your fucking therapist, okay? But what you've got to let somebody do. If you're listening to this podcast, especially by now, if you haven't turned this episode off, it's because even though I cuss a lot, you do find me to be safe. There's a comfortability with me. There's a like, she gets me. I can talk to her. I the fucking conversations I have in my DMs, I'm like, people would not be talking to me about this or sharing these things about their life with me if they did not feel comfortable with me. The safety is there. I see you, I get you. I know it's so fucking hard to just actually let yourself be supported versus try and do all the support and all the learning and all the rewiring yourself. You guys, you can't fucking do it yourself. Like, I'm sorry, but you can't fucking do it yourself. And for every single one of you guys that are on the fence about wired and you're listening to this, like I'm not trying to be aggressive. I don't want to be aggressive anymore. I was aggressive for years in my work. I really don't. Like, this is truly like passion through my own lived experience. Fuck, my life got better the minute I started getting so uncomfortable with receiving help. And guys, I will be so honest with you. It is uncomfortable to receive help. It is still uncomfortable for me to receive help. But guess what I did a couple days ago? I told my coach I was having a rough day. I told my coach I was having a rough day. And then when I felt that little part of me like in my head start yelling, like, she's gonna think you're fucking stupid, she's gonna think you're fucking childish, she is gonna think that she made a mistake by offering to help you. She's gonna fire you as a client because you're too fucking needy, Kate. Figure it out, control yourself, get your shit together. You're too emotional, you're too this, you're too much. The minute I felt that little voice creep up in my head after I sent that message that that, like, hey, please help me, I'm having a hard day. The minute I felt that inner critic creep up, I was very kind to her. But notice how I said I was kind to her, I separated myself from that inner critic voice. The gap between getting the help that you need and staying exactly where you are, which is stuck, and it's okay to be stuck. There are a lot, there are pieces of my life that I'm still stuck in. But the gap of getting where you need to be truly is on the other side of you being able to separate yourself from that inner credit, even by just a foot. Even by just a in that moment you notice her come up, you literally pivot and say, Hey babe, I know you believe what you believe about me. Like, listen, I know you think that I'm needy, but I'm actually trying to help us, and I'm actually trying to make this better for us, and I need you to trust me right now, and I need you to just trust that I got you, okay? I got you. I know you had to do it all on your own. I got you. The gap of actually getting the help that so many of you guys need is truly on the other side of being able to do that. And so, like, I feel like I could cry right now. Like, it is what it is, like this is just what I want to say. Like, I told you guys I was having a passion crash out. I'm gonna like trademark that. Like, that's like that's like what my crash outs are. Like, I I'm a very expressive, like, very expressive person, and I get man, I get so passionate about this stuff sometimes because like fuck man, it's not fun to struggle. It's not fun to struggle, it's not fun to feel like you're doing fucking 8,000 things with no fucking help. It's not fun to wake up every day fucking exhausted before you even get done brushing your teeth. Like, it's not fucking fun. And I don't know, I didn't work this hard in my life to wake up every day and feel like that. Did you? I don't think you did either. So sorry for cussing a lot, but I'm not fucking sorry. Fuck. Fuck. I just am not sorry about it, okay? I am not God, I'm not sorry about it. Some of you guys just like, ugh, like I just want to fucking squeeze your shoulders. I just want to like look at you, squeeze your shoulders, and tell you that you're fucking awesome. And you're great, and you deserve it, and you're not needy, and you're not fucking stupid. Okay? And like, I got you. Like, some of you guys, I just want to squeeze your fucking shoulders and be like, bitch, I got you. Okay? Okay, relax, unclinch. Fix your fucking posture. You're so fucking tense. So many of you guys, you know who you are. That's what I want to do. Others of you that happen to stumble upon this podcast episode, you are probably going to think that I'm crazy. And that's okay. I love you too. See you unwired. Bye.