23: The Impact Of Relationships On Your Well-Being

How much do your relationships really affect your well-being? Spoiler alert: A lot! In this episode of Group X Appeal, hosts Kimberly Spreen-Glick and Terry Shorter sit down with relationship expert Jonathan Van Viegen for a powerful, heart-centered conversation about how relationships shape your mental, emotional, and even physical health.

Jonathan shares his inspiring journey from contractor to couples therapist, offering practical tips on how to build stronger connections, improve communication, and focus on what you want in your relationships (instead of what you don’t). He also explains why conflict can be a gateway to growth and how curiosity can transform challenges into deeper connection.

Whether it’s romantic, family, or friendships, you’ll walk away with actionable strategies to nurture your relationships and prioritize connection—even in the midst of a busy life.

💡 What You’ll Learn:
✔️ The impact of relationships on your overall well-being
✔️ How to approach relationships as an opportunity for growth
✔️ Practical ways to improve communication and connection

🌟 Tune in and start creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships today!

#HealthyRelationships #CommunicationTips #ConnectionMatters #RelationshipGoals #WellnessJourney

Follow us on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube - @groupxappeal.

Questions or topic ideas? Email us @ groupxappeal@gmail.com

Get your FREE Guide To Holistic Well-Being here: https://gxaguide.com/

Stay Connected with Kimberly:
- @kimberlyspreenglick on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube
- email: kimberly@theinspiredlifeuniversity.com
- website: www.theinspiredlifeuniversity.com

Stay Connected with Terry:
- @terryshorter on Instagram & Facebook
- email: terry@rippedplanet.com
- website: www.rippedplanet.com

Transcript

Love is in the air and so is the power of connection. Welcome back to Group X Appeal, the podcast where we bring fitness, wellness, and real life inspiration together to help you live your healthiest, happiest life. And this week we are diving into one of the most important aspects of wellbeing, relationships. Because as we know, as scientists taught us, we are hardwired for connection, we are social beings. So whether it's family, friends, your romantic partner, or your relationship with yourself,

The quality of your relationships impacts every part of your health, mind, body, and spirit. Yes, and to help us strengthen those connections, we have an incredible guest joining us, relationship expert and couples therapist, Jonathan VanViegen. You may know him from Couples Therapy with Jonathan, where we found him, where he shares powerful insights on love, communication, building stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Yep, in this special Valentine's edition, Jonathan will break down the secrets to keeping love alive, the role of self-care in relationships,

and how to create deeper connections without waiting for the perfect moment. Yes, so grab your partner, your bestie, or just a cup of coffee and settle in because this episode is about to bring the heart to your health and boost your relationship. So hit play. Let's talk love, wellness, and making every relationship thrive

Kimberly/terry (01:52)
Hey there, Terry Shorter here with Kimberly Spreen Glick, And as we mentioned in the introduction, we have a very special guest coming to you from Panama City, all the way from Panama City. Jonathan VanViegen is in the house. Thank you so much for joining us, Jonathan. How in the heck are you today?

Jonathan Van Viegen (02:10)
Fantastic. The sun is shining. It's like 35 degrees out. It couldn't be better. So I'm a big vitamin D person.

Kimberly/terry (02:19)
There we go. so

coming in from Panama City, we have a city of Panama here in California, which is near Bakersfield. Really? Yes, we do. So when you told us that you're in Panama City, we're talking Central America, yes? All right. And so what, first of all, what brought you out to Panama City, Central America? It's, it's beautiful there. Yes.

Jonathan Van Viegen (02:26)
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Yes, not the Florida Panama City, Central America Panama City.

Yeah, no, it's fantastic. We honestly, came for a visa run. were living in Mexico at the time and we decided to go surf for a week, found a surf lodge, bought it. And three years later, we just found ourselves living in Panama. So it's kind of like one of those places wasn't a destination. It was just like a vacation that turned into a life changing moment.

Kimberly/terry (02:52)
Okay. Okay.

love that. So fantastic.

The beauty of being able to do the work you feel called to do from anywhere in the world. Right. Well, great. Well, technology knows no distance and we're so happy that we have it so we can connect with, you know, incredible people like yourself. And so, you know, we found Jonathan via Instagram. And so again, technology knows no distance and, just loved his messaging, loved, you know, the advice that he's giving people in their relationships, whether

Jonathan Van Viegen (03:15)
Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Mm-hmm

Kimberly/terry (03:37)
you're a couple, you, whatever type of relationship you're in, you can apply a lot of his principles and ideas and advice. And so Kimberly, you want to kind of kick us off? would, mean, I'd love Jonathan, if you'd be open to it, maybe just a couple of minutes, letting us know what brought you into supporting couples as you're calling.

Jonathan Van Viegen (03:40)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sure.

excuse me, I started off as a contractor. I had worked in corporate Canada. originally from Toronto, Ontario. And obviously I didn't like the fluorescent lighting. So I had to escape from fluorescent lights and I had to get out. So I started using my body, but it was just killing my body so much. But it was funny, I would walk into people's houses and I'd give them a quote for their basement or to remodel their kitchen.

Kimberly/terry (04:12)
Yeah.

Jonathan Van Viegen (04:26)
And I literally have the husband and wife giving me different versions of what they wanted. And they were playing, playing each other off against me. And, you know, it was, it was absolutely stunning the amount of effort I had to put into balancing both of those interests. And so that kind of kicked it all off. And then I decided to go back to school because my body was just killing itself. And so fast forward.

Kimberly/terry (04:30)
Uh-huh.

Jonathan Van Viegen (04:54)
Well, it about 10 years ago that I went back to school. So, yeah.

Kimberly/terry (04:58)
Fantastic.

So we've got a handful of questions for you. Do you have a handful of answers for us? Maybe they'll match. That'd be awesome. Fingers crossed. I'm sure it will be fantastic. So the first question we have for you, Jonathan, how can people prioritize their relationships while at the same time balancing the demands of work and fitness and family life, friends, et cetera?

Jonathan Van Viegen (05:04)
Yes, yeah, of course. I hope so.

I think I kind of go back to this idea that we need to operate from a place of abundance, not a place of scarcity. So I like to think that rising tide lifts all ships. We just got out of January, we just kicked off the new year and everyone's like, let's get back into the gym. But if you kind of see that as an opportunity to get better at the gym, get better with your diet, get better with your families, get better at your work.

I like to think that we're capable of everything. so this particularly when it comes to your own personal well-being, I know that when you care for yourself, you're better able to show up for your partner. But the only thing is that you'll only do that if you know it's going to be well received. And so you've got to be 100 % certain that whatever.

Kimberly/terry (06:08)
Sure.

Jonathan Van Viegen (06:12)
Whatever you do on your own is going to be matched by your partner because that would be devastating, right? It would be absolutely devastating for you to work hard on your relationship knowing that it fell on deaf ears or vice versa, right? People only make change or try to make change when they know in their minds they'll be successful. And so if someone doesn't think they're going to be successful, they won't make the effort, right? So you really essentially got to believe that you can accomplish everything.

Kimberly/terry (06:31)
Sure.

Yeah.

love that belief. Start with belief. Yeah. Fantastic. And what are some, would you say some smaller intentional actions that couples can take to strengthen their connection in everyday life?

Jonathan Van Viegen (06:58)
I have two vows that I articulate and I make all of the couples that work with me take with one another. And they're really quite simple. The first vow, or I call them actually the covenants of marriage. So the first one is I endeavor to show up today in our relationship better than I did yesterday. Now what that does is that shows self-reflection. That shows, that communicates clearly to your partner that you want to learn how to be better.

Kimberly/terry (07:27)
Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (07:28)
Right?

Kimberly/terry (07:28)
Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (07:29)
The other is that the other covenant of marriage or, you know, the vow that I like to have my couples do is I ask them to say to their partner, I endeavor from this moment forward to put your wellbeing ahead of my own emotional wellbeing ahead of my own. And that is a clear way to communicate thoughtfulness. And I don't need to worry about my own emotional wellbeing because you've got mine front and center.

Kimberly/terry (07:44)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Jonathan Van Viegen (07:57)
and I've got yours front and center. And so just those, just that simple vow is going to inform the way you, you know, walk around. Are you, are you cutting? Are you gaining? Are you bulking? Like, what are you doing in your fitness routine? What are you doing in your, are you, are you trying to do yoga teacher training? Whatever it is, right? Whatever you're focused on, that's what you're going to look, you know, to become, right? And so if I wake up and I know that I've made this covenant with my wife, that I'm going to

Kimberly/terry (07:57)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (08:26)
put her emotional well-being ahead of my own, and I'm gonna show up better than I did yesterday, that informs what I see. And see, I think this is the difference between me and my peers, other couples therapists out there. They want you to process your hurts, process your pain, boundaries, needs, all that garbage that gets you focused on the thing that you don't want, right? So as a couples therapist, I can't walk around telling you,

Kimberly/terry (08:38)
Mm-hmm.

Sure, sure.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (08:56)
you know, the key to life is exhale the carbon dioxide because you're not gonna have a North star, right? You're not gonna do anything, right? What you need to do is inhale oxygen. So for, I think it's borderline unethical to take a couple that's in distress and get them focused on their problems or their fights. And this is why people end up in couples therapy for months and months and years.

And then they invariably DM me, say, Jonathan, we've been in couples therapy for six months. It's not working. It's making things worse. And it doesn't make it better because you're locked into a conversation about what you don't want. Right. So you really want to inform yourself. What do you want? I want my wife to know that I love her. So I'm thoughtless. I put her before me. And then the second is I want her to know that I want to change, which is I endeavour to show up better than I did yesterday. Right. So when I communicate those two messages to her,

Kimberly/terry (09:26)
It's not working. Sure.

Right. Yep.

Yeah.

Jonathan Van Viegen (09:51)
How connected do you think she's going to feel to me? Right?

Kimberly/terry (09:53)
Sure. go ahead.

gosh. I was just, I, a couple of things I love that were jumping out at me while you were talking, Jonathan one, you know, Terry and I often say where your focus goes, your energy flows. Thank you, Jim Rohn. And so what you're talking about is putting your energy in the direction of what you want instead of focusing on trying to fix what you don't want. And then I love that you use the word endeavor.

because that means you're setting this intention. I might fall short, I might make a mistake here and there, but this is my intention and you know I've got your interests at the forefront. And Terry, we are not a couple romantically, but I endeavor to show up in this friendship better every day. Likewise, and I'll do better today than I did yesterday. There we go. I love it. See, it applies there too. Absolutely.

Jonathan Van Viegen (10:16)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Imagine how it works with parents and their children. So it's just, just, it's the message, you know, to break it down, what everyone really wants is to receive the message that they deeply, deeply desire in life.

Kimberly/terry (10:42)
yes, I'm using it. For sure.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (10:58)
And so

for 99 % of people, they wanna be lovable. And I just recently coined this term, they wanna be tetherable. They wanna see themselves as someone that their partner would wanna tether themselves to, right? So when you wake up and all you're wanting to do is to send your wife or your husband or your partner this message that they're extremely tetherable and all you wanna do is connect to them. And this is the message that you focus on every single day.

Kimberly/terry (11:05)
Right

Yeah, connected.

Jonathan Van Viegen (11:26)
The way a bodybuilder focuses on bulking or cutting, the way someone like my sister is going through yoga teacher training. When that becomes your life's mission, how can you fail at that? Right?

Kimberly/terry (11:32)
Mm-hmm.

So how do you

manage couples if one of those couples is afraid to be tethered?

Jonathan Van Viegen (11:44)
Or the worst case scenario is where they don't want to be tethered. So what I typically do is I say somewhere along the lines, if someone's stuck in fear, they believed two things, two falsehoods that I try to get them to flip the script on. The first is typically they don't believe they deserve the relationship of their dreams.

Kimberly/terry (11:48)
Yeah.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (12:12)
and they don't believe they're capable of building the relationship with their dreams. And so usually, typically, if someone is feeling very insecure, people that a lot of women I get DMing me about, they're feeling anxious. I love this one, by the way. I don't know if any of your folks that follow you guys are like in their 20s, like mid to late 20s. I get a lot of women that DM me, they're like 27, and they're like, I just found out that I'm anxiously attached.

27 years old, my boyfriend of three years really makes me feel insecure about whether or not he's serious. And I always like to say, I always have to ask their age and they'll always tell me that they're like 28, 27. I'm like, well, no wonder you're anxiously attached. At that age, you want to know that he wants to marry you or take this to the next level. If he's delaying or taking his time or dragging his feet, what woman wouldn't be insecure in that moment?

Kimberly/terry (13:01)
Right. Sure.

Right.

Jonathan Van Viegen (13:07)
So your attachment style is not insecure. He's just dangling a carrot that he doesn't intend to feed you, right? So what I truly try to do is help people understand no matter what life stage you're in, everyone deserves the relationship of their dreams and everyone's capable of building a relationship with their dreams. Now, if you believe those two things that you deserve it, then that 27 year old woman whose boyfriend of three years talks about marriage but never produces a ring, would that

Kimberly/terry (13:11)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (13:36)
would his behavior measure up to her vision of what she deserves? Likely not, and she'll kick him to the curb, and rightfully so, right? And so it just goes on and on. So when you look at your relationship in your life through, deserve everything I want, and I'm capable of building it, well, then you'll have hope, and you won't have fear.

Kimberly/terry (13:40)
No, her expectations. No. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Sure. Mm-hmm.

Well, what would you

say to those who feel they have the ability, they feel they deserve it, they feel they're capable, but they fear a loss of autonomy?

Jonathan Van Viegen (14:07)
Yeah, I mean, that's a good question, but that's a tough one because I think there's, you know, I go back to the Bible and I say to become one flesh. And so for me, I don't want independence. I also don't want codependence. want interdependence, which is what I call sameness, right? Now, I think that we all have our own. Now, I shy away from the term boundaries because I don't think it's important to set boundaries. I don't think it's necessary.

Kimberly/terry (14:23)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (14:35)
I think you're better off just asking for what you want. But that said though, I think if my wife were to meet a guy online and the guy said, hey, do you want to grab coffee? I would have a big problem with that. So yes, that's a certain degree of autonomy that she's going to lose, right? But other couples, they're fine with that. But I don't think you need to see yourself, see a relationship as a threat to your autonomy. I think a good relationship is going to be supportive.

Kimberly/terry (14:38)
Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (15:02)
you're going to build, you're going to co-create a reality that you guys want together. So.

Kimberly/terry (15:02)
Mm-hmm.

Beautiful. Yeah. So what are some, you know, key first steps in relationships that we can kind of take toward better communication and understanding? What'd you say?

Jonathan Van Viegen (15:22)
You know, I think the the a lot of people blame poor communication as the problem for for, you know, poor intimacy. I've even heard couples that say infidelity was the cause of bad communication. you know, communication becomes a catchall. I would. That's really not a North Star like, you know, that's like.

Kimberly/terry (15:33)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Van Viegen (15:49)
That's like the personal trainer saying to the client, you want to build muscle? Okay. You know, your workout routine is go to the gym and lift weights. Like, does that help any newbie client? No, they need specificity, right? They need to know, right? So what does that look like? Now I like to begin with an intimacy dashboard, which is what I created. Every couple has a natural flow or a natural balance of their sexual intimacy.

Kimberly/terry (16:01)
No. Right.

Jonathan Van Viegen (16:16)
when it's two times a week, four times a week, whatever your number is that feels good, not forced, but what feels good. I say write that number down. Like when things are really going well between you guys, write that number down.

Kimberly/terry (16:25)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, no, that's great. And one of the quotes that you shared most recently that I had to, I had to copy and share, share with Kimberly and I'll share it here. You had said conflict is an opportunity. And this is like, not just for the guys out there, for everybody out there, conflict is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to grow and an opportunity to get curious. And you know, when you're significant other, you said gets mad at you. You have two choices. Number one, get defensive or get curious.

And so I think it's actually more fun to get curious. Yeah. And when you're curious, instead of, instead of there being some form of, okay, this conflict happened and because it happened, I'm going to add that into the loop in my mind of the story I'm creating about who I am and what a good person I am or am not. The curiosity leads to let me know more about who you are. That's beautiful. Brand new conversation.

That's so good.

Teamwork makes a dream work. Yes, it does. that's a beautiful thing. And we're so grateful for your time today. We're so grateful for you sharing your treasure with us, with other people, with the listeners and everyone else in the world who's going to have an opportunity to, to find you and to, to kind of get some words of wisdom that'll help out their relationships, whether it's couples or just any relationship like we were talking about before, so they can show up better. It applies. It certainly does. Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Fantastic. make sure that you follow Jonathan again on Instagram Couples therapy with Jonathan. That is it. And he is very, very accessible, like he said, and which we are so grateful for. And make sure that you share this episode with anyone else out there who needs it, who could find value from it. I know everybody can, by the way. you can follow.

this podcast Group X Appeal on just about every single platform. All the things. All the things. All the platforms. YouTube as well. And again, we're grateful for you, Jonathan. Thank you. Thank you for listening in. I'm Terry Shorter. Kimberly Spreen Glick And we encourage you as always to make it a great day. And why? Because it's a great day to have. Yes, it is. Peace out. God bless. love.