31: Make Active Listening Your Super Power!

In this powerful episode, Kimberly and Terry dive into the art of active listening—a game-changing skill for anyone who wants to improve communication, build stronger relationships, and become a more impactful leader.

You’ll learn 4 simple but powerful tips to become a better listener:
🔇 Embrace silence and give others space to speak
🪞 Mirror and validate to show you truly understand
📵 Eliminate distractions and be fully present
💡 Listen with your whole body—not just your ears

Whether you're coaching clients, leading teams, or connecting with loved ones, this episode will help you level up your communication skills and deepen your relationships.

🎧 Tune in now to master the skill that can transform every conversation!

#ActiveListening #CommunicationSkills #RelationshipTips #LeadershipDevelopment #MindfulListening #GroupXAppeal

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Stay Connected with Kimberly:
- @kimberlyspreenglick on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube
- email: kimberly@theinspiredlifeuniversity.com
- website: www.theinspiredlifeuniversity.com

Stay Connected with Terry:
- @terryshorter on Instagram & Facebook
- email: terry@rippedplanet.com
- website: www.rippedplanet.com

Transcript

Have you ever been in a conversation where you could just tell the other person wasn't really listening? They were just waiting for their turn to talk. Well, we've all been guilty of that, right? But here's the thing. Real listening is a superpower that can deepen relationships, build trust, and even improve your leadership skills. So stay with us as we share four key tips to help make you a better listener.

Kimberly/terry (01:01)
As Stephen Covey said, most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. I've done that before. I'm being honest. It's true. Well, today we're going to be breaking down how to be the kind of listener that people love to talk to. I'm Terry Shorter. This is Kimberly Spreen Glick. And we're here with GroupX Appeal. We're so happy that you made it to listen. Here's four simple, very implementable tips.

to be that listener again that people love to talk to. And I'd have to say the very first one is embrace the power of silence. But we're talking about talking. Right. So just be quiet while I explain this to you.

So what he's talking about is the power of him silencing me. OK, that's cool. That's cool. Well, just before responding, one of the key things that you'll want to do is just take a moment, just a simple moment, if needed, to process. After someone has made a statement or if they've asked a question perhaps, take a beat or two beats or five seconds. If you need to take 20 seconds, just

taking that pause just allows you to kind of think about how, not just a process, but how to come back with a response that is mindful, that has intention behind it, and it just really stops reactive replies and just creates space for real listening. Right? Absolutely. Victor Frankel said, and this is something that Kimberly shared with me, he once said, between every action and reaction, there's space. There is. Right?

And so what would be some of the techniques that you've ever used to kind of take that pause, take that moment, create that space in a conversation? Is there any particular thing that you do? Yeah, think the first thing for me is back to the Stephen Covey quote is making sure that I'm not in my head forming the reply. Because if you're in your head forming the reply, chances are as soon as they stop talking, it's like, now's my chance. And you jump in. So that's step one. And then honestly, it's taking a deep breath.

It's as simple as that. And if I feel like it's going to be longer than maybe a moment or two, then I will probably say something like, you know what? just want to process what you said or when process what you asked. you know, coaching has given me a lot of opportunity to practice the whole silence is golden thing. it's really helpful in all conversations. Sure. What do you think? Well, I think, you know, I was never a sales person. didn't, I didn't like the, the, label of being a sales person at all.

But one of the techniques that I always loved and it served me, think pretty well, and it allows me to kind of create that space is if someone asked a question, I'll take a moment and say, that's a great question. I appreciate you asking. And then it allows me to respond after that. So that's my pretty canned response. But of course it'll differ and vary dependent upon the situation. you used that on me? Never, never have I used that on you. Now we know everybody. But what was your question again?

I have no further questions, your honor. So just taking a moment. And for some people, it's difficult. For me, it was very difficult at first. I felt like I had to jump in really fast and respond quickly. But taking that moment, it really is golden. When we talked about this deepening relationships, the other cool thing about taking the moment and honoring silence, sometimes it's not about just wanting to jump in with a reply. Sometimes it's just being able to share.

That bit of silence and creating a level of comfort with the other person where you don't feel like you have to fill every moment with right words, right? But being comfortable enough with the person you're with or creating enough of a comfort level that you can let the silence speak for itself sometimes for sure. Yeah, I think, jumping in without, again, without intention, without that space, without that silence sometimes can be abrasive. yeah. Right. Can be abrasive. And then also, we talked about this offline.

by taking that moment of silence. Let's say if it's a conversation that perhaps gets heated, right? Taking that moment of silence also takes the emotion out of the conversation, the unwanted or undesirable emotion as well. of diffuse a little. Yeah, absolutely. So it just works in so many great instances. And so it truly is golden. Thanks for sharing that idea. Absolutely. So I have another tip for you.

And that is to mirror and validate. So when you're having a dialogue with someone, especially if they're trying to explain a thought that they have or a way that they're feeling, repeat back to them. You could either do it in a way that you are paraphrasing. So kind of say back to them what they said, but in your own words, or if they shared maybe a big long story, maybe more kind of summarize, bring it into a nugget, but either way you're kind of mirroring back to them what they shared with you.

And that lets them know that you're tracking with them, that you understand what they're saying and where they're coming from. You might say something like, so what I'm hearing is, or what I understand you to say is, it makes people feel really seen. And I think that the validation as well, we all love to be affirmed, especially if we're in dialogue or conversation, communication with those that we care about and that we have a relationship with, be it friends, family, et cetera.

to be able to kind of validate what the other person is thinking, how they're feeling, taking the time to not only mirror like, okay, I get it. And then also to validate, to affirm like, you know, maybe I've been there before, or it makes sense that you would feel that way, or, whatever the case may be giving them support in whatever it is they're thinking or how they're feeling. Sure. And I think to add to that, I think in a conversation you can get a really good sense or really good feel of

the type of learner someone is through the language that they're using. So for example, if you said, know, Terry, you know, I'm feeling like this, this and this, and then my response would be, I know exactly how you feel, right? I felt the same way. aligning with them. because of that, you know, this is how I feel as well. So kind of mirroring them by the type of learner they are just through their language or they say, you know, I really, I'm hearing that you're doing this, this and that.

I know exactly, you know what you mean. I'm hearing the same thing. using the same language mirroring definitely helps to align and not necessarily redirect, but just be on the same page with them and make them feel validated like you said even further and on the same page. then of course the beautiful words everyone loves to hear if you're in conversation and you're not feeling like you have enough information to mirror them properly to kind of summarize back to them what they said. There's always the

Tell me more. So you can always dig a little deeper, seek more clarity and understanding. Sure. Absolutely. Never hurts to ask. Right? So the third tip, and I think all of us have been guilty of this at some level. I don't know what you're talking about. Is put the device down. Put the device down. we're so distracted by our cell, our mobile phones.

You made it clear Apple, our watches as well as smart watches, right? Right. Our tablets. And, we really do underestimate how much screens steal our presence. Right. Being here in the moment. And so, especially when someone's talking, give them your full attention, no scrolling, no looking down with your, your, your, eyes buried in the screen at all. just put it aside, turn it off, flip it over.

Just so it's out of hands reach so you can really be present in the moment with the person that you're having that conversation with. I think when people see that, I think there's a lot of value in that. When they see that you literally physically put your phone away, maybe put it in your purse, put it in your back pocket, just completely out of sight. I think they appreciate that. And I think that in today's day, it's so rare that it will really stand out.

if you do that. If you choose in a conversation with someone you care about to be so fully present that even if like you had your phone, you turned it over and have the focus be on the person that you're sharing the conversation with. almost could be kind of a, I've been in that scenario where it's a bit of a shock to the system. I'm like, I'm like, the phone hasn't even come out or, know, and it's wonderful just to know that that person is fully present for you. And so I want to be able to do that.

For everyone I'm in conversation with and care about. that's definitely one I'm going to make sure I keep on my radar. There you go. Awesome. Me too. Big commitment. And I think I can't remember what episode it was. That was something that we did as our daughter was growing up. had a tawny time. yeah, yeah. I remember you saying that. got all the devices out of hands reach so that way we could really be present with her and focus on her. I love that. Yeah. So we're going to keep.

Trying to do our best with that pinky swear. Let's go pinky swear. No, it's the wrong hand. There we go. There it is. We got it. All right. So one more tip for you. This is a big one. And that is of course to listen with your whole body. you may lean in, so lean in. So you may or may not know this, but only 7 % of what someone hears from you comes through the actual words that are spoken.

38 % come from the tone of your voice and 55 % comes from body language. even brought up this awesome little chart here and it's Dr. Albert Mehrabian that came up with this. So if you think about it, we're so focused on the words that we want to say and communicate. We forget that 93 % of what's actually going to be communicated doesn't come from the words at all.

make sure you're giving some affirmation, physical affirmation. Maybe it's just like Terry just nodded because he's following on music. Yes, Kimberly, I understand. eye contact leaning in, like Terry mentioned before these nonverbal cues are so powerful. Your body language being open as opposed to closed off when you're in conversation and showing through your physicality.

that you're fully present, you're fully engaged, and you're invested in the conversation. It's so powerful. Oh, yeah. A little bit. A little bit goes a long way. I didn't realize that 55 % is body language. That's lot. Yeah, it's a lot. That's lot. It's a whole lot of a lot. You almost don't have to say a single word. Sometimes. Right. Well, I've been in that scenario. And I'm OK with that. I'm totally OK with that. We can make that happen. Absolutely. So those are four basic tips. First, 

embracing the power of silence, mirroring and validating, put the device down, and of course, listening with your entire body. So four simple tips we can start practicing right now, right away. Pinky swear us. Pinky swear, give it to us, give it to us. But we love to know what's the best piece of advice you've ever received just by truly listening. Please share it in the comments.

Tag someone who's an amazing listener. We'd to hear that. Let us know who's an amazing listener. Well, first of all, we would tag you because you've been listening. You've made it this far in the podcast into this episode. So we're tagging you. Bam. Bam. You have been tagged. So what other, any other tips or, or any other, requests that we can make? I think we're going to leave it at those four tips. And as far as requests, just keep tuning in.

Wherever it is you tune in, you might be on one of the Pag, Pog, Pad, Padclost. I'm very British sometimes. You and your fanny. But that's right.

What episode number was that? So whatever podcast platform you might be on, keep tuning in, download away, share. If you're on YouTube and you're watching us be all silly on video, this is where you can definitely put comments, share your questions. And then of course over on social media, primarily Instagram, that's where you can definitely.

comment on any of our posts or message us and let us know if you have questions or topics you'd like us to cover and we are on it. Yes, we are. So that is it for today. We truly, truly appreciate you listening to the art of active listening. I'm Terry Shorter. I'm Kimberly Spreen Glick. And we really encourage you to make it a great day. And why? Because it is a great day to have. Yes, it is. Much love.