Episode 32 : Happiness, why it'a trap and how to find bliss every day

Ever catch yourself thinking, “I’ll be happy when…?” In this episode we unwrap that sneaky happiness trap, swap real‑life stories of chasing (and finally catching) contentment, and share the simple mindset flips that stop the endless waiting game. 

We explore how yoga is an amazing tool to transcend the happiness trap, and why your birth chart and astrology can illuminate the cosmic patterns behind your pleasure, purpose, and pitfalls. 

Tune in for down‑to‑earth chat, a sprinkle of star wisdom, and actionable practices you can roll out—on the mat and in daily life—to cultivate happiness right here, right now.

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You can check out our respective websites and social media here:

Becky:

www.instagram.com/therosealmanac

www.therosealmanac.com

Laura:

www.soulsanctuarystudios.com

www.lauraclaytonwellness.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to North Node, the Yoga and Astrology podcast. I'm Becky, a yoga teacher, astrologist, and businesswoman.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

And I'm Laura, founder of Soul Sanctuary Studios, Yoga Teacher Trainer and Wellness Coach and Consultant. In this podcast, we'll be diving into down-to-earth deep soul conversations.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

We'll explore how you can connect and stay on purpose with your true North Alignment through the transformative lenses of yoga and astrology.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Each episode is designed to inspire and guide you on your own journey towards self-discovery, self-love, and personal growth. We'd really appreciate it if you could leave us a five-star review at your preferred podcast platform. Your support will help us reach more listeners who are looking for insightful discussions and meaningful connections.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Thanks so much for joining us. Now, let's dive in to today's episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

So, hello and welcome to today's episode where we're going to talk about happiness, the subject of happiness today. So yeah, for me, happiness is it can be like a more complex subject than you think. Because when we when we sort of plan to talk about happiness on this episode, I was like, oh, are we going to be able to fill like a whole hour or 40 minutes or however long we go for today talking about happiness? And then as I started to reflect and plan for today's episode, I was like, wow, there is actually just so much to unpick and uncover here. Um, so yeah, Laura, I feel like you should start and maybe talk about your journey with happiness because I know this has been a big theme for you in your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Yeah, thank you, Beck. Um, it has, and it's funny again, like when I was preparing for this podcast, like I was similar in the way that I was like, oh, I'm in like a really good place, so this is gonna be quite hard for me to tap back into that the struggles with happiness that I had. And then and then I was like, let's have a go, and it was all at my fingertips in the way that I had all these experiments that I used to like research, and when I say used to, it was like pre-twenties, right? I mean, in your teens, like reading about happiness experiments now, as like a mum, I look and I go, that's that's pretty unusual. Um, and it's interesting now looking back on that, but I I think the reason that I've been like a bit obsessed, actually, I would say, with happiness um growing up, was because I didn't have it. And and then I don't mean that in a really like smallest violin way. I mean it in a way that like I just had it all wrong. I I had my expectation of happiness all wrong. And I wish that somebody had said to me earlier, like, you know, you just you're not supposed to wake up happy. And that was my problem from from such a young age, I would, well, probably forever, really. I would literally, my eyes would open in the morning or even like just that moment before, and I'd go, how do I feel? And and it was never happy, right? Like elated, like I want to jump out of bed in the morning. And because it wasn't that level of happiness, I'd be like, oh no, I'm still not happy. And then I'd think of all the things of why I was feeling like that, all the things that I was nervous about at school, all of the stresses that were going on in my life. And honestly, within minutes, every day growing up, I was like, Well, I'm I'm not happy, I'm nervous, I'm anxious. And when I was so worried about all of those things, you know, like the stresses of school or achieving or exams or whatever it was for so long, I would get to a point where it was just crippling, and it was like this anxiety would then turn into depression because then I was like, Well, I can't do it, and I just want to stay in bed because I want to hide from all of it. And and like, love my mum, but she she's a big one on like think positive. And she, and we'll talk about this, but like she's Aries and she's quite like yeah, fiery, lighthearted, kind of immature in a way, and like our bedrooms, you know, we live together, we'd be getting ready in the morning, and she would whistle. So she'd be like whistling, this really like happy tune, like a cartoon, and me in my room would just be like rocking on the bed, like fretting about the day ahead. I mean, I'm exaggerating, I wasn't rocking, but I was pretty anxious about the day ahead and not happy, and hearing her whistling just made it worse because I was like, why aren't I like that? Why don't I wake up and whistle? Like, what is wrong with me? And I had this like complex about what is wrong with me because I'm I don't wake up happy like that. Um, and mum would always do like, well, you have to think positive, you have to try. And I was like, it that's like square peg round hole. Like, I can't try at this. This feels like it's really hardwired into me. And that's why I became a bit obsessed with like, why is that? And it and it and then I'd look into all these experiments which have been incredibly helpful. And one of the most helpful ones was Martin Seligman, who is a positive um psychologist, and he did lots of different experiments. And one of the ones that stuck out in my mind was about the happiness set point, it was about a genetic set point. And it was really validating because it says that yes, 40% of our happiness is genetic by the levels of serotonin and dopamine that are naturally released in our body. Just like the length of our legs and the length of our nose, yes, we do have a natural predisposition to waking up happy in the morning, is what I took from it. And that made sense to me because my dad was not a happy chap, right? Generally, like he was an alcoholic and he definitely was doing that because he had anxiety and depression and the same levels of drive, and which made his life stressful, which meant that he drunk, right? So I I definitely feel like I have a lot of his genetics in that way, very different to mum. So having that as a natural baseline and then waking up next to Snow White whistling in her bedroom, like made me feel like there was something wrong with me. And so but what was great about the rest of that experiment was that he goes on to say that 10% of your happiness comes from your environment, and everything lumped into environment the car, the house, the country you live in, your you know, your relationships, money, your appearance, like just like circumstance is a 10% effect on your happiness. And when you think about like how often, how much time and energy people pour into that 10% and then wonder why they don't change their happiness. And then the the most overriding factor that you can make, you know, the biggest difference on, so the 50% that is remaining was about intentional thought. And I want to get the exact phrase here for you. Um okay, so 40% is intentional activities. So just to clarify, so 50% is genetic set point, 10% is life circumstance, and 40% is intentional activities. And under intentional activities are daily thoughts, actions, and habits, like practicing things like gratitude, um, cultivating positive relationships, helping other people, um, engaging in like Dharma, purpose, flow state, all of this stuff. So I was like, right, okay, so genetics do have a part to play, it's nothing to do with all the other stuff that I've been focusing on, and it's everything to do with thought. How do I master this? And and really that's like where yoga came along. Um, and then you know, everything changed, and I think we'll go on to then explain how I got to a point where I felt like I'd mastered that to a certain level, or I had a lot of knowledge about it, and then astrology came into play, um, and that changed things again. So, yeah, that's a kind of introduction, I suppose, of how it started and why I was fascinated about it, and how um expectation management was really wrong there and never got explained to me. And so I hope anyone listening who maybe hasn't had that explained to them either found that useful. Um, but I know you've got you know so many learnings as well on this back. So, what have been some of your biggest realizations about this?

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I think really it's what you said there, you know, it's like this idea that 10%, all the things that we blame um or think are gonna make us happy are a massive trap, aren't they? You know, and we're just brought up in this world, this environment where if we buy this, if we achieve this, then we will be happy. And if I had to sum up my journey from, I don't know, being like in my teens to my twenties, it would be my my kind of mantra in my mind was I'll be happy when, I'll be happy when we buy our first house, I'll be happy when I earn X amount of money, I'll be happy when I've lost seven pounds. You know, that was my mindset constantly. And yeah, realizing in the framework that you've used there, you know, like that is all to do with my mindset and also folk focusing outwardly on that 10% of things that are not really gonna bring happiness and are really placing me in um you know, a state of victimhood. So that was definitely my journey through my 20s. And if I reflect on like where that came from for me, I was thinking about this earlier, sort of when we were planning for the podcast. And I think oh, I guess as a child I really did suffer with like not enoughness, I'm not enough, and that came from a really early friendship that I had, and yeah, this girl decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore, like perfectly normal stuff, right? That goes on in childhood, but it really like scarred me. Um, and then also as you've talked about your parents. I think my parents, my dad was always working, and he was quite happy. I would say, like, his genetic uh set point for happiness is probably quite high. And my mum, she didn't work, or she had like odd part-time jobs, and I know I remember her talking to me and telling me like she was depressed, and I remember like my pocket money, like going to the shop and buying her chocolate and things like that because I felt it was my purpose and my goal to to make her happy. But in my mind, what I equated this with, I'm only able to do this now, like looking back. I it was completely unconscious, obviously, at the time. But going to work makes you happy, staying at home, having no no real focus makes you sad. And I'm not saying like my mum had no focus, but that was my wiring around it. That was my programming as a child. So, guess what? Like, I thought work makes you happy, and I mean this started for me as a teenager. I was like into ballet, did loads of dance, and so yeah, I would be like, I wasn't always the best dancer, but I would be the one that showed up, did the most amount of training, helped the teacher the most, and therefore got recognition from that. And so that started in me really early, you know, like 12 of oh, okay, like you work hard, you get recognition, and that has been my pattern through life, is yeah, working the hardest, working the hardest, serving everyone else, pleasing everyone else, and that has been a huge pattern for me. And yeah, my south node in my birth chart is in Pisces, in the seventh house, the seventh house of other people. And Pisces really struggles with boundaries, overgiving. So now I'm able to look at it through that lens and realise hey, you know, like this has been in my chart all along. And I guess for me, um I had a certain amount of happiness through work. I did, you know, I think work gave me a really good self-esteem because and and work is sometimes the first place that we find that in our life, you know, like high a place where we're recognized, where we can uh show our worth. And so I definitely my self-esteem was built around work, and I thought I was happy, you know, like I progressed really well in my career, I got married, uh yeah, had my kids, like had all the nice things, had a house like on paper, everything, all good. And then I think it was something happened at work that made me realize how on the flip of a coin that can change, and then and that my happiness was very attached to that, and that was the path that sent me down the path of yoga, you know, in into teacher training, and my relationship with happiness and contentment completely changed. So, you know, I had in a way some of the same things as you, and I think a lot of young people have this, you know, you're trying to work out who you are and all these feelings of lack and the outside world telling us we should be happy, but I certainly didn't have the I don't know if it was the critical thought or the ability to think, oh, like there will be a book on this that I could go and read for sure, which you which you did. I just really struggled with it. Um and then yeah, and then yoga came along and sort of changed everything, right? Sort of flipped everything on its head, and I think a big part of that was learning about the concept of Santosha. So I don't know if you want to talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Well, it's just I was just gonna reflect back because I think it's really interesting that you say that you know, maybe you didn't pick up a book, but like I picked up a book, it didn't really help. Like it gave me information, and this is what I do love about psychology, it gives you information. But what I love more about yoga is it gives you a practice, it gives you an embodiment, right? An embodiment like it's not just something you conceptualize and you go, okay, must work harder at that thought, which is a pretty difficult thing to do. It goes, and Ellie and I just spoke about this on the last podcast, it's almost like meet yourself where you are. Like, actually, just how about we just breathe different? How about you just move and you shift your state from like a different way, you know, you've thought your way into it, you can't think your way out of it. Movement and breath are like the the escape door, you know, like the fire exit. And studying that was yeah, was a game changer for me. So it's interesting that we both, yeah, we had a slightly different, as they say, journey to yoga, but like all rivers lead to the same ocean, you know? It's that like we came to it in the end, and yeah, so Santosha itself being about contentment, right? And is similar to Ananda. So in yoga, they talk about like true happiness, Ananda. So that it's innate, and this was like a game changer, you know. You can kind of see that from what I've spoken about before. Like before happiness was something that I was trying to like do, get, like, get hold of, um, just like you. I'll be happy when, you know, and like waiting for that in the morning. But it's funny how um in yoga they're basically saying like it's about bliss, that our deepest nature is sat chit ananda, being conscious bliss, like we just are not necessarily happiness, and I think this is the expectation management thing, it's like the definition of the word, like happy is too happy clappy, right? I expectation management on that is pretty dangerous because for me, like if I didn't wake up wanting to do the hokey kokey, then I must have been depressed, right? Whereas when you start looking at like Ananda and you're just like, okay, contentment, that's different. That was a that was a real, that was a defining moment for me when I was like, oh, okay, okay. I can wake up and feel content. That feels more in reach than happy every single morning. That feels like unrealistic. Um, and that that bliss didn't depend on external things. It's just our human essence. If we can peel away and remove all the noise, the ego, the conditioning, the attachments that obscure our perspective of how we feel. Like they say, like clouds covering the sun, right? It's like the sun's actually always there, it's just that there's stuff in front of it, and that that is what really contentment is all about, and that being our pure human nature, that it's already there. We just have to actually clear away all the rubbish that gets put on top of it, and that's really what yoga does, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Yeah, completely. Yeah, I've I wrote down here Santosha is rooted in acceptance of the present moment, which contrasts like so heavily with this constant chase of happiness, like you're chasing something. Whereas, yeah, how you've explained it there, Santosha, it is just being with what is and being able to accept that. And yeah, yoga teaches teaches us that at a practical level, right? Doesn't it? You know, we're in a pose, we don't want to be there necessarily, like it feels hard. And it's about trying to find that sense of peace, contentment in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Well, that's exactly it. That's what I was gonna say is like when we talk about yoga, you know, we actually talking about the word union, and yes, we use asana, the poses as one of those. The only the reason that it works, and we go, you know, oh, we are true, our true nature is is bliss, is contentment, and yoga taught us that. That can be a bit like, well, how the buddy hell did it do that? And like how it did that is that yes, exactly that. We are present, so we're not wanting or worrying about things in the future, or we're not attached and craving things from the past. And for me, it was that again, it was like, okay, I get it. So when my mind's running off the future, that's making me really bloody anxious, and when my mom's my mind's going to the past, now I feel depressed. So the aim of the game is stay present and like in walks meditation and goes, Yep, that's the whole point. The whole point is to train your brain to stay present. And asana's yoga poses are just a moving meditation. So some people find it really hard just to sit, hand up, that's me, and just focus on breath and do meditation without any movement. My body really needs movement to like help clear my mind. That's why I love running. It's my mind, it's my meditation. Um, and it's the same with yoga, you know. The benefit is that it's not only clearing the mind, it's aligning the energetic system, the chakra system, like the breath work, everything. It does everything at once. It just gives you this absolute clarity mentally and physically and keeps you so present that all of those layers that we spoke about that were clouding the sun like melt away during a yoga practice. And it's when you then lay there in Shavasana and you feel that you go, oh my god, this, this that's the feeling, that's the bliss state. Okay, okay, now I know I've got a get to point. Now I know that feeling, I've felt that experience. I can tell when all this other rubbish is in the way that until you experience that, it's really hard to tell what is rubbish and what isn't, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Yeah, completely. Um, and I wanted to kind of add on to what you've said because one of my yin teachers, Sarah Lowe, I remember doing her yin teacher training, and what she talked about was like emotion and how sadness is the same, uh, really the same thing as happiness. It's just on a scale, you know, and and those things are opposite. But she also spoke about how like an emotion is something that you feel for a few seconds, and if you're if you don't accept that emotion and then move on from it, it's it actually just then becomes a thought that gets lodged in your mind, and thoughts are sticky, and then they become your way of being and a story, they're just a story that you're telling yourself. So we might say, like, I feel sad, you know, sadness would move through your body in seconds, and yeah, I'm not necessarily talking about you know deep, deep grief, but sadness or jealousy or anger, you know, it's a fleeting moment that that is in your body, and what we do with that is start to it becomes a thought and we start to construct a whole story around it. So we're constantly living our life as stories in our head and thinking, you know, that person is whatever, you know, thinking that about me. Or, you know, maybe we're feeling angry because something happened, but we're not really feeling that. What we're doing is just making a whole story up. And that's what yoga also taught me. Is you know, it it made me more aware of the stories that I tell myself in my head through my yoga practice, you know, those things of I can't do this pose. Well, you haven't even tried. Or, yeah, I can't be still. Well, or you know, there's no value in stillness. I mean, that was a big one for me. There's no value in being still, and you have to earn rest. And you know, so it it became about unwriting the stories that I told myself my whole life.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

It's so interesting. And you're absolutely like spot on there. It's this, and I love this analogy we keep coming back to about the clouds, right? The sun's always there, the clouds come along, and like we can just let them go. They're fleeting, they're there for a second, or we could fixate on like, oh, the clouds are here. I want the clouds to go away. Like, what's that cloud? Make up a whole story about the cloud, right? And essentially work ourselves up. And it's about trying to detach and let go from that. I remember when I was doing my psychology training, so I did my yoga teacher training and then I did my psychology training, and we had to like write essays after each session, and I'd been so I was right in the thick of my TT, and we were talking about bits like this, and I really, really realised that like all of these things that I was telling myself were just stories. They weren't true about me. Like, and Peter Crohn does this great thing where he says, like, nowhere in you is a label. If I was to cut you down the middle, I would find nothing that said you're not enough, right? It's literally just a story that we make up. We make it up about ourselves, taking on other people's opinions, and then we live by it. And we could just choose not to tell ourselves that story, like it's not true, so why do we keep telling ourselves a story? And I remember being like, Oh my god, it's that simple. And then I was in the psychology training, and everyone is a psychology trainee, so your check-in is like, oh, this is happening to me, and this is happening to me, and just like stories, galore. And I had like checked out because I was like, This is ridiculous. Why don't we just keep all talking about these stories? They're only stories anyway. Like, none of it's actually true. And my essay afterwards was like, Well, it's all just stories, so like this is all a load of nonsense. And it's funny how actually it took me a while to come back to empathy, and that is like an interesting journey when you kind of really detach from it and go, okay, detachment's the way. That's when I was like, gonna become a monk and all that nonsense, not nonsense, that is a valid way of living, but it was not right for me. Um, and and then I had to come back and go, okay, okay, like there's still they're real for those people in that moment, and they're real for me in sense of feeling, but it's the awareness that we can choose to how attached we are to them, and that our true essence underneath all of that is still there if we can kind of practice clearing it away. Um, there's a framework in yoga which is really useful for this about the gunas. So when we're looking at the gunas, but there's three parts of it. So we look at sattva. So sattva is about clarity and harmony, and this is about what brings peace and deep contentment, what we're talking about. So clarity and harmony. Then you have the Rajas. So Rajast is about activity and desire. So it brings excitement, but can bring restlessness, and the tamas. So tamas is about inertia and heaviness and can bring like apathy and dullness. So sattfa is like the state most aligned with true lasting happiness, and again, just another useful framework to go, where am I on that balance, you know, uh, in order to feel that sense of deep contentment. Is there Rajast or is there tamas in the way of that? And there's such things as like um tamastic food, you know, there's certain foods that we can eat that block that. So it was all this real journey like of interweaving the psychology and all these yogic frameworks and principles together that kind of helped me find my way to feel to feel what was right for me, you know, in this understanding of it all.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Yeah, and I think also like just viewing emotions as visitors and messengers, and that they're not bad or wrong or good and right, they're they're just messengers and they're here to show us like what we need to do. You you talked about um food there, and I think we all know when we've eaten that kind of food that makes you feel like you know, heavy or agitated, whatever it is. And so, what do we need to come back into balance? You know, you it's the same thing, you know. We're looking at it there through the lens of food, but it's everything, isn't it? You know, if you're feeling um, I don't know, if you're feeling frustrated, it's about getting underneath. Like, where is that frustration coming from? Um, and what can I do about changing that?

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah, and as you were talking back, it's funny, it's like often I think to myself, like, even when I hear myself do this podcast, I'm like that. I'm so I'm always I'm grasping in some way, I'm trying to fix it, I'm trying to make it better, I'm trying to improve, I'm trying to, I'm very like that way, and that I'm just sort of explaining my journey on to trying to understand that and happiness. And and always what I love about your way, and and I guess you know, this it's so connected with like yin and why you love yin and why you're so good at teaching yin, but it's just this acceptance. You just have a much more accepting way, and you know, I often like often in my head, it's like, what would Becky do? And always I think if I message you, it would be like it's okay, is it's the kind of reaction, it's like it's all okay, like it's all just okay. And I just love that. I love that that is the clarity, that is the harmony, like the less grasping. Um, so yeah, I just I admire you for that, really.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I mean, it's been a whole journey, and you know, one that I'm still on, you know, and I think we all are as as humans. Um, we're emotional beings, we're affected by the moon, we're meant to feel emotion and take that, not be attached to that emotion, but take it as a message about what we need to do next. Or also, you know, sometimes we pick up on other people's emotions through our auric field and our energy centers. Sometimes what we're feeling or think we're feeling is not even our our emotion to feel. Um and so, you know, I think the more time that you can spend then in stillness, really, is when you assimilate what is yours and what is someone else's. For me, that you know, that is the process of a yin class. You come in, you might be really agitated from your day, your week, you've got a million thoughts rushing through your mind. You can't be still in the first pose, you're fidgeting, and then things start to drift out of your field that are not yours, and what you're left with is yeah, maybe some things that you do need to contemplate or work through. Um, but it can take a period of time for that to happen, and you know, you've got that that time in a yin class where you're in the poses and a 60-minute class or whatever, where yeah, where that process happens. Um the other thing that I think I'd say about emotion as well, and you know, this idea of acceptance, right? Whenever we have a low point, it's showing if we didn't have low points, if we didn't have those days, those weeks, those years, which we're like, oh, you know, this is really hard, you know, I feel really sad, or you know, or you're in that, you know, just that story of it, how would we know what the what the high points felt like? And human the human journey is experiencing all of that, you know, it's through this contrast, which is really the scale of yin to yang, that we're able to find the depth of the human experience. And you know, when we're at our very lowest point, often on the other side of that is like a huge leap, a huge quantum leap into something better, into something more positive. Like you've got to feel the lows in order to experience the highs as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

Totally. And I think what like has helped me so much on that journey is is astrology, because it's like in Patanjali sutras, they say they say yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind. So when the mind is quiet, free from craving, judgment, comparison, that's when happiness naturally arises, right? And so it's the chitta vrti niroda is often what you hear, which is that it's like stealing the chitter chatter of the mind. And it's that comparison thing that I think gets a lot of people today, I think with Instagram and stuff like that. And even like then, you know, I'm like, oh Beck, you're so peaceful, and like I'm very different in the way that I'm very like active and maybe aggressive on things, and that's where astrology I think is so beautiful in the way that it comes in and it goes, yeah, and that's okay too, because you would be like that. Because look at your stars, and it's about knowing yourself. You know, in yoga, they say like self-realization is the source, like the ultimate goal of yoga, if there is one, is not flexibility or even really peace, but it's moksha, it's liberation. So when you realize the self or the Atman as one with the universe, so really understanding, you're no longer like tossed around by these external highs and lows. And and for me, that's because of this understanding of you know, purpose, but on such a deep level. And that's why we called this podcast the North Node, right? Because for me it was like, yep, I I get a lot of the yoga, I get a lot of the psychology now. I'm still quite up and down, and I'm still quite like um driven, and like I understand all this peacefulness stuff, but like doesn't that doesn't feel like my true nature either. Um, and that's when you know, you kind of explained a lot of the astrology to me and like how much Capricorn there is in my chart. I mean like nearly 100%, right? Which is just about, you know, climbing up that mountain and and progression. Um, that I kind of went, okay, yeah, this this real self-acceptance and like management of expectations of yeah, of course you're gonna feel like that. Of course these second things are gonna come up. But the purpose of you being here in this lifetime is compassion or is whatever your north node is. So you have a purpose, but it's not attached to the material things. It's not like I'm trying to achieve this goal, that's my purpose. It's you know, it's that is growth. Growth is our purpose. And when I think we have clarity on that, for me, it's just given permission for like all the other struggles, because life is hard, as Scott Peck said. That was another great book, The Road Less Traveled. Scott Peck, thirst line, life is hard, yeah. And again, that was imagine the sigh of relief. And I was like, oh my god, it's not just me that wakes up like that in the morning. It was this like, okay, life's hard. And now my favorite mantra, like what I put on the top of my personal website, was like, life is hard because we're here to grow. And like, and that's okay, it's supposed to be hard, like it's not supposed to be easy, you're not supposed to wake up happy because you're here to grow. So if you want to be on that train, like let's welcome the challenge and let's know what you're here to grow towards. And then all of those challenges are that they're challenges, they're opportunities for growth, they're not terrible things, even when they feel it at the time, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:59

Completely. Um, I think you know, with astrology, what it does, we and we often know what our struggles are in life, actually, especially as we, you know, we get older and we've experienced them for a longer period of time. What astrology does is make what is unconscious conscious so that we can join those dots and be like, oh my god, yeah, now I get like why I've had this challenge over and over and over again, and why I'm so you know pulled towards this or that. And it's said that being human, choosing to be human, choosing to be born on earth is like your master's degree. It's like we we chose this challenge, it's like about mastery. Um and yeah, when I think about purpose, I think it's about three things. I think it's about resolving karma, um, our self-node, right? The the the parts of ourself that are wounded um and need integration is about um evolution, growth, like you've talked about. And I also think it's just about experience, it's being here on earth and like seeing the beauty in things, and that's why they say that awe, this feeling of awe, like when you see you know, a beautiful sunset, is so so powerful because that is like the epitome of the human experience.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

It's the most beautiful way to live, isn't it? Um, so back then, what would you say? Because we're all human, right? And like to be human, as Buddha says, like we just choose our suffering. So, what what is it? What is something that you're struggling with at the moment? Like, what's the struggle with happiness, or should we say contentment for you at the moment?

SPEAKER_02 35:49

I think you know, as we've explored, and I don't mean this to sound like egoic or big-headed, like actually, happiness is not something I struggle with any anymore, as in like I'm trying to pursue it. But I what I would say is like, what is the emotion or the situation that keeps reoccurring that is perhaps trying to show me a lesson which feels uncomfortable? Well, I don't know if you remember, but at the beginning of the year, we sort of talked about like our intentions for the year, and I talked a lot about okay, this year I'm really gonna lean into the word of peace, the energy of peace. And okay, what happens when you say that out loud and you know, and you really mean it because you see your own patterns and you realise that you've been creating peace in your life through people pleasing, through not facing the hard things, through avoiding confrontation. Well, you get sent a lot of challenges that bring all of that stuff up in order to find true peace. That you know, this is actually the law of opposites. And when you're facing something really challenging, it's often the universe or your higher self or what what God, whatever, you know, whatever term resonates with you, you know, you're being presented with that as an opportunity to get to the thing that you want. Like you have to go through it. It's a bit like that book, you know, going on a bear hunt, like you can't go round it, over it, under it, whatever. You've got to go through it. And um, so yeah, for me, I think there's been this year quite a lot of conflict and in you know, many areas of my life, you know, with relationships at work, um, with myself as well. And so, yeah, I would say like that is my challenge at the moment, but what I know through the work that I've done and through the way that I live, you know, is because I called in this energy of peace, and I know that I'm gonna come out of it more peaceful. So I'm not I'm not mad about it. You're just on your bear hunt, babe. I'm just on my bear hunt. You are smashing your bear hunt. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 38:12

What how are you feeling? Uh yeah, so interesting reflecting on this, you know. Like, do you know what I'm so pleased to say? And I and it's actually quite nice to take a moment and go, yeah, I don't feel depressed like I used to as a kid. And like that's huge for me. Um, so that's really nice to feel that. And and when I ask myself, like, why? Like, why is that? And it's hard, like I said, to pinpoint one thing. I don't think it is one thing. There's not one silver bullet, it's a whole way of being, it's a new learning, you know, going on this journey of self-inquiry and and yoga and really facing some pretty hard truths and my own bare hunt going through it in that way, um, has led me to all these like incredible realizations. And then bringing astrology into it has just brought me so much peace and acceptance. I think having children has had a huge part to play in that too, because I think when I look at the claciers, which are the poisons of the mind that we've done an episode on, so do you have a look at it? But you know, I think it's really natural in your younger years to be pretty Esmita, pretty focused on I, you know, the more I make the world about me, the more stressful it became, and that's where I was. Um, and I really feel for people who are stuck in that place because it's it's really hard. It's really hard to take yourself out of that. I think charity work and you know being of service can help, but children forces you through that in a whole nother way because you just it just isn't about you anymore, you know. To your core, you've built you've believed that that you know, and and that's been a game changer for me. Like it's not about me. Um, it never was, but like it certainly isn't now, and um, and that means like I just haven't felt depressed for a really, really long time, but doesn't mean I'm still not waking up like doing the hokey kokie. I think I've let go of that expectation. Um, there's other struggles, so life is still hard, but that's okay. So my expectation management has changed massively. I'm really clear on my purpose in my bigger sense in personal growth rather than any kind of career purpose or anything like that. Um, and I just feel really lucky. I think when you kind of accept that and you kind of get what life's all about, which is about growth, so you accept all the challenges, you go, yeah, I'm going through a hard patch. Like this life stage is hard, there's a lot to juggle. Um, you know, but I chose that. I chose that hard and it and it was all my own doing, and and and I love the challenge of it all. And yeah, I get really tired, I get really bloody tired, but that's you know, I'd rather be tired than depressed, right? And so I think that's that is my struggle at the moment, is just probably like many, many other mums out there trying to and caring so deeply about their children, but also really wanting to have a successful career and be a great wife and you know, do all the things that you want to do. Yeah, we're gonna get tired. But I mean, I can't complain about that, right?

SPEAKER_02 41:13

No, and I feel well, for both of us, we both have our north node in the first house, so of course, like there's gonna be a lot of ambition there, a lot of desire to fulfil self in this lifetime. So, you know, the fact that you feel that, you know, is a really positive thing, and I think it's just trusting, isn't it? That you're not gonna run out of time, you're not gonna run out of time, like there's plenty of time to do all the things that are meant meant for you.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Totally, yeah. And I think the thing that I care most about, like you know, I talking about Lenny because he's so verbal. I mean, Theo's very verbal, bless him in his own little way. But Lenny's really clear on what he talks about. And he said to me the other day, like, Mummy, like, I just wake up and I just feel really sad, and I was like, oh, like the triggers of all of that. So I really want to focus, like, I don't, I don't want to let my drive and my achievement, you know, be kind of passed over to him and him feel that pressure in the way that I did. So I think part of my growth is like being really present with him and just so accepting of like whatever he wants to do so that he doesn't have to go through that same struggle that I feel like I went through for so long. Um, but yeah, like we're constantly learning, right?

SPEAKER_02 42:31

I feel that, and I think also like with struggle, we all have Saturn in our chart, and wherever Saturn is, it's like you know, where we have the most challenge for both of us. I think your Saturn is in your first house, it's fairly close to your ascendant, and my Saturn is right behind my ascendant. So I think there is that sense of seriousness that we have around like you know, this stuff. But what I was gonna go on to say was Saturn takes what 29, 30 years to go all around and visit all the places in your birth chart, and then you know, and that is part of life. Part of life is the struggle and is the learning the lessons and learning who you are. So I think also like it's really natural and really normal to have these struggles up until your Saturn return and beyond, like, you know, if you especially if you haven't been doing the work or kind of satisfying the urges that you have within you to towards your own purpose. So I think you know, life is especially hard up until your Saturn return. And then I think you become an adult. That's when you become an adult in astrology, and everything changes then. And yeah, you know yourself, and then yeah, and then you move forward. So I I don't know like how many younger people are listening to us. But, you know, I think when I'm looking at my daughters, I'm like, yeah, you are gonna go through some hard stuff. And that's okay. And I've got you. And you know, I talk to them all the time, as you they probably get sick of me, you know. But like emotions are just visitors, and you know, they're not you, and you'll wake up tomorrow and you'll feel different, and you'll eat your dinner, you'll feel different after that. Like they it's just a constantly evolving thing, don't get fixated on it. Um, but you know, uh I think we've sent our children, each sent our children, aren't we, to to sort of shape them and give them what they need. Well, they you know, they choose us, and I often think about that, you know, and often our children can do the opposite, right? Of what we what we say, because that's that's just how it is. Um, and I think about that as well. So I think we can only do our best with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah, totally. And and if you know, if they're healthy and like we're so lucky in that way, that you know, it's just being grateful for it. It's like, yeah, Lenny, Lenny's, he teaches me, you know, we're here to sculpt them, but my god, like, don't they teach us? Like, he's my teacher for sure, you know. Like, he throws a mirror up to me, like everything that he does. I'm just like, oh my god, and I try and help him with it. You know, he's so particular about when he wants something to be perfect, and he wanted this tiny, tiny lunchbox for his teddy bear, and I had to make it and it had to have stickers on, and then it was a little bit crumpled, and we needed to do it again, and just this perfectionism thing. And I just had to give him a hug and be like, Len, you know, things just don't have to be perfect, and it's okay. And and I just hear myself like teaching myself, right? So, yeah, it all of these things are just lessons, and I think when you start seeing life in lessons, like it's a really nice way to be, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

Yeah, it's just this beautiful tapestry that we're weaving, you know, with the people in our world and our children, and yeah, I wonder what it'll look like at the end of life. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

Well, maybe we'll find out. I loved speaking about all of that with you, Becky, as always, and yeah, thanks for all your amazing insight.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

Oh, I loved it too. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Your time is precious, and we truly appreciate you spending it with us. We look forward to having you join us again soon. So, take care, and we'll catch you in the next episode.