Episode 44: Being Over Doing - Reclaiming the Feminine in a World Obsessed with More

In a world that celebrates hustle and constant productivity, how do we return to simply being? This episode explores the subtle, often misunderstood difference between authentic feminine presence and anima possession — when the inner feminine becomes distorted through performance or projection. Through the lens of Jungian psychology, astrology, and embodied wisdom, we unpack how to slow down, soften, and live from a place of wholeness rather than burnout. This is an invitation to remember who you are beneath the doing.

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Becky:

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Laura:

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to North Node, the Yoga and Astrology podcast. I'm Becky, a yoga teacher, astrologist, and businesswoman.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

And I'm Laura, founder of Soul Sanctuary Studios, yoga teacher trainer and wellness coach and consultant. In this podcast, we'll be diving into down-to-earth deep soul conversations.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

We'll explore how you can connect and stay on purpose with your true North Alignment through the transformative lenses of yoga and astrology.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Each episode is designed to inspire and guide you on your own journey towards self-discovery, self-love, and personal growth. We'd really appreciate it if you could leave us a five-star review on your preferred podcast platform. Your support will help us reach more listeners who are looking for insightful discussions and meaningful connection.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Thanks so much for joining us now. Let's dive in to today's episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

Alright, everybody, hello and welcome back. So, this episode we are going to go a little bit deeper on a topic that we've been kind of skirting around a little bit, and we touched on in the last episode where we were talking about how we really want to embrace the feminine and stillness, and yet the kind of demands and relentlessness of life sometimes mean that that is really difficult. So we thought we'd do an episode this week, which is looking at moving from doing to being and how we might do that. Um, so to start with, we thought we'd have a look at where does this obsession with doing really come from? Um, and I'll hand over to Becky on that one because I think you've got some great insight on this, Beck.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Yeah, so when I was tuning into this and feeling into this episode and what it brings up for me, especially as someone, you know, who does work in the corporate world, who is engaged with a business that is all about the profit that we make. And to do that, we the kind of underlying message for so long has been around productivity. So I feel like we all carry this massive productivity wound. And I just wanted to start actually with a definition of what capitalism is for everyone. So capitalism is an economic system built on private ownership and profit. Its foundation is simple: more production equals more money. It thrives on growth, competition, and output. And over time it has evolved into a belief system, not just an economic model. So I think we can really see how that applies to business, but how that has totally engulfed our lives and our ways of being, right? It's not just how we earn money or contribute to business, to work, it's literally how we've been taught to see the world and ourselves. And I just feel like we're so conditioned into this way of being, this capitalism, from the moment that we sort of step outside our front door. You know, you go to school, and it's all about you've got to get good grades. It's not about, I mean, people do talk about happiness more now in school, but really the pressure, the exams that are just constant all the way through the school system, get good grades, get a good job. Because you must get a good job. Then you get your job, and you must be productive in your job, and it's being so productive and making more money that gets you recognized at work, and then you can be successful, and then you can have all these things, you know, the house, the holidays, the handbag. And I'm not dissing money here because I fully appreciate we live in a world where money is, you know, part of the deal. But it's this sense where I think we need to, what we need to work on is this connection between wasting time and time is money. So we we're literally trained in this, right? We're trained to sit still, to perform, to produce, and we're taught that rest is a reward that we get at the end of the school day, the end of the working week, rather than something that is woven through everything that we do. Rest being reward, not the other way around, where resting is seen as something you need to do in order to produce, maybe produce your best work, but maybe it's more to give your gifts to the world. So it's always about more and more success, more money, more stuff, more Instagram followers, whatever it is. Like that is the reality we live in. So that's how I felt we should open this episode. What are your reflections and thoughts on that, Laura?

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Yeah, I think that is exactly the context we're in, aren't we? And for that reason, it's unsurprising that we see so much chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease, you know, walking into the studio, walking to unteacher trainings. Um, and for me personally, this has been a huge journey, and doing the research for this podcast has been really interesting. Um, and you know, put a lot of mirrors up to me, which I know if there's areas that you know I need to work on in life or work less on, as ironically this may be, is like this is it for me. You know, I'd say that I absolutely have kind of all the conditions that are being described here, and that my practice is certainly in doing less these days, which I think if I give myself some slack in the stage of life that I'm at with the age of the kids and you know, career and stuff, it's pretty difficult. Hence, you know, what we spoke about last week, but that's no excuse for me not, you know, practicing just what does it feel like to slow down and do less, and really looking into where is where could my self-worth still be connected to achievement, and that has been my pattern. So this is something that I'm really uh passionate about because we see it a lot on the trainings where you know people are really struggling with that. Their self-worth is connected to their achievements and it's leading to panic attacks, you know. Like I used to get when I used to stand up in public speak, it had to be perfect because if it wasn't perfect, then you know what would people think of me and what would I think of me? And my self-worth was so attached to my achievement that public speaking was like the biggest threat for me. Um, would put my body into fight or flight. You know, I couldn't catch eye contact with someone in the tube in case they thought that I looked strange or whatever it might be. I was just trying to be perfect so desperately, and I've come a huge way with that, like I'm really comfortable speaking about things, I don't care what people think in that way anymore. I feel like I've let go a lot of what I look like, although there's probably always a baseline of that somewhere, but certainly much less attachment to where it used to be. But it's yeah, it's something that I am very aware of and working on, and something that I recognise a lot in a lot of people these days and have huge empathy for. So I'm really interested as to where do the roots of all this come from, and importantly, what are the tools that we can use to practice a new way of being. Um, so when we when I looked into this, one of the phrases that was coming up a lot was this anima possession, um, which we are hearing about more and more, but it's not something that I was familiar with that long ago. So it's this Jungian psychology, so it's the Jungian theory, um, and it's basically that you know collective complex around achievement that we have, which you've just perfectly described, and that culturally we live under this spell of the hero archetype, which we've we've mentioned on the last episode, which is all about striving and conquering, producing, ascending, like going up in the world, and that this archetype, when inflated, really disconnects us from the soul, which is the psyche's feminine aspect, and it binds us to this endless doing. So Jung saw modern Western life as imbalanced, really over-identified with the ego and the masculine principle, which is all about you know, order, direction, productivity, and alienated the feminine principle, which is about connection, being, and depth. So he recognised this, you know, a long time ago. And I think, yeah, we've we've come a bit further. You know, I was a parents' evening the other day, and the focus was when the question was asked, you know, what would you like your kid to get from school? And it was like a lot of people were just like happy to enjoy it. There wasn't so much that like achievement productivity thing. I feel like parents are kind of clicking onto this, but I still feel like we're in a culture where that hasn't embedded and isn't fully evolved more towards the feminine yet. So it's I think we we're in a bit of a lag where it's something that we desperately want and believe in, but our own inherent ways are still there from how we were brought up, and we're still in a culture that doesn't really value it yet. So it's this idea that anima possession, which is in men and women, the anima is basically the feminine archetype with the male psyche, so it can possess a person if it's not integrated. So you really are like possessed by this needing to achieve and produce and be productive. But if it's not integrated, it can lead to moodiness, projection, emotional irrationality, um, and a pull towards ideals, fantasies, ungrounded achievement. So there's real unrealistic perfectionism, and then being really irritated when that doesn't happen. Um so a disowned or distorted anima is about internalized patriarchy, so compulsive perfectionism, equating worth with performance, over-identification with the animus, which is this internalized masculine, the voice that says you must do more to be valuable, um, which is a real split from body, from intuition, and from self. And this we spoke briefly, Becky, like there's a term floating around that I'm hearing more and more as well, which is like, oh, being soul dead. And I remember somebody saying that on the training, and it hitting me thinking, Oh gosh, that is such a powerful phrase. What does it mean? But actually, I think I think we see it a lot. I think there's a lot of this numbness, just complete disconnect from body, from soul, from feeling, from intuition from the feminine because of this anima possession.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yeah, and I feel like you know, as children, well, and as adults as well, but we're just conditioned to not see spirituality, a connection to the soul, to spirit, to what's beyond the flesh and bones of our body as important. And it and we live we've got this massive superiority complex in the West where we think our culture is so much better, you know, because we live these comfortable lives, you know, but they might be comfortable physically, but yeah, like the where's where's the soul in all of that? And I think you know, in a lot of the more eastern cultures, there's more of a sense that like every person and every soul is worthwhile and important, whereas in the West, as we've said, we sort of value this achievement and having and doing, and so no wonder we become literally possessed by this need to do and to show up in our masculine. And it's interesting because you talked about Jung as um, you know, he really understood all of this and was at the root of a lot of his teachings, but he used astrology a lot as well as a model to uh help people understand where they need to come back into balance because that is really what astrology is all about. I've said this before on a few of our episodes, but every sign and every planet has a masculine or a feminine quality. Well, some of the planets are neutral and they they're neither. Um, but what our birth chart shows us is really that like, what do you need to bring back into balance? And that's your work in this lifetime. Um and this phrase that you used of like being soul dead, like I really, really feel that, you know, with so many of the people that I interact with and meet on a daily basis. And I've been doing some studying recently and studying some of the original sort of Hebrew and Aramaic teachings that were taught, you know, um before before Christ. And what my teacher says is that when we're born, only five percent of the soul inhabits the human vessel, the human body, and our job is to get more of the soul to inhabit the human body, and so if we've only got five percent of the soul, you know, which is like our purpose and all of that, then it is so easy for us to become can conditioned and for this like animus uh possession to take place. And the more that we embrace spirituality, spiritual practice, which doesn't have to look fancy, like it can look like showing up on your yoga mat, it can just be a realization that oh yeah, like I know that I'm more than just the human body, more of our soul starts to enter our vessel, and that's when we light up and things change. And we were sort of talking about this a little bit before we started recording today, and Laura was saying, you know, this um phrase of soul dead, what we feel like we see people go through on the yoga teacher training journey is to become more alive, and I feel like that is the process of literally more of their soul entering their body, and like you see it in in their eyes. I posted something on my Instagram stories at the weekend where I I showed a picture of like what I was like uh in I think it was 2015, um something like that, before I'd been on like a big spiritual journey, so like 10 years ago, and what I really noticed was like what was behind my eyes was so different to what I what I feel is there now.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Yeah, I barely recognized you in that face in fact. It was like, yeah, but with so much love, like it's funny how I feel like I was there in those early stages, but I kind of only remember you how you are now, you know. Um, but yeah, we do, we all go on this journey, and it and you're right, it's like the well, you know, we again just bringing in these frameworks to really embed them into our day-to-day kind of thinking is the root of suffering in in yoga, is the klashas and avidya. Avidya is that uh spiritual ignorance. So without awareness of spirit and spiritual health, that's what then allows the other trunks of the tree or branches of the tree to grow. So avidya is you know, a spiritual ignorance, which then can pave the way for other areas like asmita, the more I make the world about me, the more stressful it becomes, which again connects to this. Um, and so it's like avidya really is forgetting that our true nature is whole, connected, and divine, and identifying with roles, labels, and successes and goals as that kind of the poisons, the toxins. So yoga like it invites us to dissolve that misidentification through practices that still the mind, or what we call in yoga the yoga chitta vrti naroda, so stilling the chitta chatter of the human mind or the fluctuations of the mind. So we're trying to find stillness within the busyness of the human mind. And I guess first identifying that yes, it is busy, yes, you know, the mind is looking to the future to try and keep us safe and it will look to the past. And the whole practice is about trying to stay present and realise that this is the moment, the only moment that exists right here, right now. Um, and that you know, our our soul, however, is gonna live on forever. And so when we have that spiritual realization or understanding or connection, then as you said, Beck, it almost lessens the need for this constant productivity in this lifetime because this isn't it, it's gonna go on forever. So why waste it and constantly trying to achieve? You know, it's like being on a hamster wheel, really. Like the wheel's never gonna stop, so you may as well enjoy the ride, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah, exactly. You know, we have so much to resolve, experience, and move towards in any one lifetime. Like we're probably not gonna hit every, you know, everything that we need to, and that's okay, you know, and the the more I used to think about spirituality as about ascension and um, you know, like yes, connection with the divine, but the more that I've learned, the more I realize it's really a practice of embodiment and living the teachings that you and you you sort of start to understand. It's about a descending into the the body, into this moment. Um, you know, it's a practice of yin, of becoming rooted rather than yeah, trying to trying to escape this reality in some way or escape this present moment. And um yeah, like yoga is just such an amazing practice for this, and even we know yoga is in spoken in Sanskrit, this amazing language, which doesn't translate so exactly to English, and we know that yoga means to yoke, but it means to yoke so many things, you know. It's not just yes, it's the masculine and the feminine energy within, um, it's the soul with the human, it's the mind with the body, which we do through the power of the breath. Just you know, that that single word yoga just means so much.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

Yeah, it's connection, and and when you were speaking earlier, Beck, it's like, you know, how can we idolize the West when for me it's just it's complete disconnection, it's disconnection from spirit, it's disconnection from self. And I believe it is that disconnection that leads to disease. It is that lack of feeling within ourselves of knowing, are we going too far? Are we doing too much? That real lack of honesty with self in that way because the ego is so loud that we can't even hear our heart, we can't hear our teacher because the ego is out of control, and you know, that is what leads to this to the body being in disease because it has to shout because we're not listening to the whispers because we just can't hear it. Um, and that is so different in the east, you know, their value system is completely different, and I know we're generalizing, but I, you know, I am in a in a general way that you know, the West, we are very much more obsessed with achievement and productivity than we are with, you know, health. And I'm not also talking about even health, people consider health in the West as looking well, but you know, nothing to do with appearance. I'm talking about like cellular health, chemical health, um, and trying to get reconnected in that way. And it's interesting, you know. We I think we're kind of clear on the setup where we are in the world, and it's kind of like, well, what can I do about that? Um, and there's lots of different things you can do. I mean, talking about like integration, so trying to reconnect back with yourself is really is a bit of a step one, like it starts with you, and then that echoes out to the world. So, you know, looking at your shadow work, so being really honest and going, what part of me feels unlovable and less I achieve, and maybe journaling into that a little bit, journaling with the doer part of yourself, um, or reclaiming the anima. So engaging in either symbolic, sensual, or intuitive practices, so it might be like dream work or dance or art or rest or nature, um, and befriending beingness as sacred and not lazy. So, you know, there's lots of frameworks in yoga that can help you with this, things like looking at the Rajast. Rajast is this quality of restless activities, it's one of the gunas, one of the three gunas, and it's driven by like desire and ambition. But excessive Rajas is this like keeping, doing, becoming, striving, which is actually a This state of dissatisfaction and it feeds the illuso it the ego's illusion. If I just do more, then I'll be enough. Um, we've spoken about avidja being the root of suffering, and then karma yoga as well. For the Bhagavad Gita teaches us to act without attachment to outcomes, something that we can really practice on a day-to-day basis. So this obsession with achievement is usually tangled up with like fruits of action, you know, wanting praise, wanting status, wanting legacy, wanting reward, wanting finance, you know, or more materialism or whatever it might be. And that true liberation or moksha comes from doing as an offering and then letting go, you know, so not being attached to the outcome. So, in that way, it's about practicing satcha, which is truthfulness, and santosha, which is contentment, being radically honest about your motives and trying to practice enoughness now and not later. So, in that way, yoga practice really moves from when maybe we first come to yoga as this like asana is not to like sculpt or progress or achieve, you know, but instead to listen and to soften. So it's it's you're moving away from performance and much more into feeling connectedness, and that's absolutely the journey that we see, don't we, Bet, when people join at the studio and then what they move on to afterwards.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

I loved it when you just said about performance because I feel like you know, capitalism and this culture is so much about performance, and the journey that we see people go on is like this performance, whatever their mask is, whatever they're wearing, whatever the things that they think they need to do, back to truth of like who who am I really, and what do I want? What does enough look like to me? What does um, you know, what are my value systems? And you know, often they're things that can't be monetized, you know. It's like rest, creativity, the time that we spend with our loved ones. You know, those are not things that make money, but they're the things that make life meaningful. And funny because I've been in my day job, we've got a few people sort of coming up to retirement age at the moment, and we're having to put in place like almost like retirement therapy, counselling, like packages for people because they've worked all their life, they don't know what their values are once they stop working, you know, and and it we're so conditioned, we go out into the world, do all this stuff, earn all the money told that we must save for our retirement, and then retirement comes, and it's like I literally don't know what to do when I'm not working. Um, and you know, there's also this fear around if I stop working, then I'll just die because I've seen that happen. You know, people just stop working and they die. But maybe it's because their self-worth, their purpose is so inherently connected to uh their work. It it's it's actually a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? So for me, you know, it's also about getting comfortable with the fact that we are mortal beings and we are gonna die one day, and so we've gotta live this life to enjoy it, to experience it, because yeah, every moment that passes is not repeatable.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Yeah, it's funny when you mentioned that, Beck, when Ads and I were driving the other day on our anniversary to go surfing, and we were talking about that retirement, you know, been together five years. What do the next five years look like? When would we want to retire? And Adam's instant reaction was like, I'm not retiring, why would I retire? Why would I sit and do nothing? And and I and I hear him like, yeah, but it was such a reflection to me on it's almost for me, there's a real parallel to how people come to yoga, and and even through the yoga teacher training, like we know yoga's such a parallel for life, right? So when often when people first come to yoga, it's to do the power classes, you know, and it's to prove that like yoga isn't wafty, you know, there's so much you can achieve, and look how strong and fit you can get, and it's the most balanced form of exercise. And here I am becoming like the perfect athlete, right? This is definitely me speaking from eye. Um, and then as your journey progresses, and as maybe you achieve the poses, maybe you don't, but you realise that there's there's no one giving you any biscuits, you know, it's mistake, but you know biscuits, and we laugh about that because I shared a story in teacher training. I went to um quite a well-known yoga teacher's class when I was younger, it's called Marcus Vader, really cool teacher. Actually, it's funny, some of the best teachers in my life have been like the most rude, I think, or the most direct. Like, I actually really like that because they're not having to people please and all the rest of it. So this isn't to like this isn't to criticize his teaching at all. I really loved it. But I was in one of his classes and he was practicing this rocket, and so we were doing a lot of like flight and jump throughs, and I did this jump through, and I was so proud of myself, and I was at the front of the class. But I looked at him as though, and I didn't say the words, but I might as well have apparently with the expression on my face, like, did you see that? Right? It was like what my face was saying. And he looked at me and went, Do you want a biscuit? as a way of like how obvious it was that I was looking for praise, and wasn't that uh symbolic for the rest of my life. And I always tell that on the yoga teacher training because I always say to them, like, don't be here for us, you know, we're not, it's not about performing for us. You're you're here for you, and like, do not be looking for any biscuits. And and where else are you looking for biscuits, you know, in your life? And and that's kind of the journey for me. It's letting go of needing biscuits, it's letting go of needing rewards, of doing things to please other people. And I think as you learn in yoga to really start to devalue in many ways that achievement, and instead to move into feeling, the journey inevitably is moving from some of the more uh physical practices into more restorative practices like yin and like nidra, and we see this on the yoga teacher training. So the 200 hour is this like mind-blowing transformative process where they understand that principle, but they're still in a vinyasa training and they do need to qualify, and how we do that is very different. So we take the focus off the exam and all the anxiety around that, and like you know, self-worth being attached to their grade and their percentage, and there's lots of work we do around letting go of that, and then they step into yin training, and then they really embody what it means to slow down and to rest. And I think you know best, Becky, because you lead that training, but equal, if not bigger, breakthroughs come at that point, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah, it's it's interesting because often on the training you'll get people who are really into yin, you know, they've experienced it, they love it, they want to teach it, and then you also get people who are like, Well, you know, I know yin's really popular, and I feel like I should learn more about it. And I I probably know that I do need more of it, but they're almost like not that they don't want to be there, but it it's always like a bit of a challenge to see like how are we gonna win these people round? And you know, it really is not a case of me winning anyone round, or because the practice does that, um, and it's just like this undoing. Um and yeah, I was doing um an astrology session with somebody earlier this week, and you know, she was really struggling with self-worth, and she'd stopped drinking, and what she was realizing was her um need to num and escape was being replaced with like food. And it's just an interesting process because she was so um what's the word that I'm looking for? So attached to like this outcome of like what what's on the scales, and like I need to do all these practices, and I need to eat this many calories a day, and then when I don't do that, like I'm not worthy, and then sort of then that spirals. And I honestly believe as well, one of the things that Yin has taught me is to come back to centre and this sense of neutrality, and I've been like on a real journey with this with my own body and fitness as well, you know, like very attached to the poses when I first started yoga, even after I qualified and did my vinyasa teacher training, and yeah, I did my yin teacher training and loved it, but I did uh PT for a while with someone, uh, got very obsessed with counting calories, and but I was so miserable, so miserable and so attached to it as well. Like if the number on the scale was, you know, whatever it was, like a couple of pounds higher, or it wasn't going down, then you know, I it would be about self-punishment. And what I really taught myself was like my self-worth was not attached to whatever that was, and then what I've what I've seen as a result of that is almost a rebellion from me where I haven't wanted to go to the gym, I haven't wanted to push hard. Um, and you know, at the at the time sort of when I'm going through perimenopause, like I definitely put on weight, but actually I'm so much happier, and it's really about making peace with that, and it's only now I'd say, in the last six months, that I've really got a passion again for going to the gym and sweating, and I'm noticing the impact on my body, but I'm not attached to it. I'm like, well, you know, that's just the output that that's just the outcome of going and doing what I'm doing, but I'm doing it from a place of wanting to do it in and of its own sake, rather than it being so attached to, you know, a specific goal. And you know, even that when you go and you do coaching with people, it's always all about goals and you know, whether it's a goal to be able to lift a certain amount of weight or a goal to be a certain weight on a scale. But what's gonna happen when you when you actually achieve that? Like there's no biscuits, there's no biscuits, and then it's just okay, what's the next thing that I need to achieve? So I'm not saying like we shouldn't have goals and aspirations, but we shouldn't become so attached to them that our self-worth, you know, becomes so intertwined with them that you know it becomes obsessive.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Totally, and it's that thing that we're gonna go on and speak about, Beck, isn't it? About self-worth. Because I think it's funny, of all the books that I read way back when, and I've done fitness instructing and all the rest of it, Cameron Diaz wrote this book called The Body, and actually it was incredible because it was not about calories one iota, and she's very anti that. It was about nutrients, it was about going, here's your cell, here's all the incredible things that are going on inside of your body, and here are all the things that you can eat to really nourish each cell, and that that was game-changing for me because it was no longer like, Oh, I shouldn't be having the chocolate or I shouldn't be having this. It's like I just wanted to like nourish my body with like all the best things that it could have, and I think when our self-worth, when we we put ourselves up higher and we really go, Do you know? I just really want to look after myself, I'm not doing this for anyone else, I want to look after myself. Then I think like you're itching to get to the gym, you know. I can't wait to go on my run because it's for me, like it's you know, to look after myself rather than to punish myself. So it's interesting because the action could look the same, and that's why I think it's really important. Like you never judge the action, but you're always just curious about the intention behind it, um, and staying really honest with yourself about that. But yeah, it I think self-worth has got a huge part to play in this. Um, so a quote that I've seen a couple of times, but I feel like is very relevant to what we're talking about today, um, is a quote from the Dalai Lama. So he says, Man sacrifices his health in order to make money, then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health, then he's so anxious about the future that he doesn't enjoy the present. And the result being that he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as though he's never gonna die, and then he dies having never really lived, which is basically what we're talking about today, and trying not to get trapped into this anima possession, which is so easy in today's culture, and instead, you know, practicing ways of being to help us slow down, or at least the first step, just have an awareness of that this is going on and that we really are enough as we are without doing all of that.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Your time is precious, and we truly appreciate you spending it with us. We look forward to having you join us again soon. So, take care, and we'll catch you in the next episode.