Episode 45: Reclaiming Self-Worth from the Inside Out

Why do humans seek approval — the “biscuits” of praise, validation, and gold stars that never truly satisfy? In this episode, we explore the deep roots of self-worth: not as something earned, but remembered. We look at the childhood patterns, societal conditioning, and inner dynamics (like the inner child and inner critic) that keep us chasing external affirmation. You’ll learn how to recognise when you’re reaching for biscuits — and how to nourish yourself from within instead.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to North Node, the Yoga and Astrology podcast. I'm Becky, a yoga teacher, astrologist, and businesswoman.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

And I'm Laura, founder of Soul Sanctuary Studios, yoga teacher trainer and wellness coach and consultant. In this podcast, we'll be diving into down-to-earth deep soul conversations.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

We'll explore how you can connect and stay on purpose with your true North Alignment through the transformative lenses of yoga and astrology.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Each episode is designed to inspire and guide you on your own journey towards self-discovery, self-love, and personal growth. We'd really appreciate it if you could leave us a five-star review at your preferred podcast platform. Your support will help us reach more listeners who are looking for insightful discussions and meaningful connection.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Thanks so much for joining us. Now, let's dive in to today's episode. So, welcome back to another episode today. And we are going to be building on the last couple of episodes that we've recorded, really, where we've talked about the heroine's journey, we've talked about this cultural obsession with doing, with capitalism, with productivity. And at the end of the last episode, we really started to expand. I did this through one of my personal stories about where this comes from. And ultimately, it's our own self-worth. So we're gonna really be talking about self-worth today. So Laura, I think you've got some psychology that will really help our listeners understand this concept, not just as this fluffy concept of you know, love yourself, but the more depth beyond that.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yeah, exactly. There's a lot written on this in psychology, and it's something that I've looked into a lot because it's definitely something that I've struggled with, and I always want to understand why. You know, where does that come from? And as always, like we caveat this, knowing that our parents are only ever doing the best they can with the tools that they have, and I'm not in the blame game at all. It's just that you know, where my dad and my mum to a certain extent were when they were parenting me meant that culturally, then it was a lot about praising achievement, and so I, and I know I'm not alone in this way, have have grown up very much with my self-worth being attached to achievement, and that has led to, you know, in my younger years really struggling with panic attacks and anxiety and depression and things like that. And yoga has helped me massively come out of that, but I've had to really kind of explore and understand why. Why did that come about? So there's lots of different frameworks, and I'll mention just a few of them. Um, but to start with, we can have a look at uh Higgins. So he looks at self-discrepancy theory, and this is the idea that we hold three selves. We have the actual self, which is who we believe we are, we have the ideal self, which is who we want to be, and we have the ought self, which is who we think we should be, and that is shaped by others' opinions and also society. Um, he says that when there's a gap between the actual and the ideal is when we can feel disappointment or low self-worth, and when there's a gap between the actual and the ought, is when we feel guilt and anxiety, and and interestingly, at different stages of our life, this plays up differently, doesn't it? You know, for me, I feel that massively in parenting right now, and and like mother, the mother role, like what I think I should be, you know, and that guilt and the anxiety of the gap between that and often reality that we've spoken about in previous episodes. Um, and then there is the cognitive behavioural model, so CBT, which a lot of people would have heard about. So, this is the idea that our self-worth is shaped by core beliefs, um, which are formed in early life or childhood, and this idea that I am not good enough, I have to earn love, and that certainly was a belief of mine, and these lead to automatic thoughts and behaviours that reinforce low worth. So, if I'm only lovable when I succeed, then of course I overwork, then I experience burnout, and then because I've burned out, we reinforce that. See, I'm not enoughness, and then the cycle continues and we get trapped in that. So CBT can really help us kind of identify, at least just know that pattern, challenge it and reframe those distorted beliefs. So it's trying to really remind yourself that you are enough as you are. Um, and then we have attachment theory. So this is um like Balby and Ainsworth, and this is again about early care giving relationships, shaping our internal world. Um, and it's about attachments, it's about a secure attachment, so I am lovable and worthy, and an insecure attachment, which is this anxious, avoidant, or disorganised. So I have to learn, I have to earn love, or I'm unworthy, or I'm too much. Um, and healing there comes from reparenting, so really reparenting yourself and trying to kind of recultivate that secure attachment and co-regulation in in safe relationships, but again, starting with yourself. Um, and then there's Carl Rogers, which is my favourite one, and this is the one that we talk about a lot on yoga teacher training, and this is the idea that self-worth comes from some core conditions, um, and we talk about those as unconditional positive regard or UPR, which is this regarding someone completely positively, no matter what, congruence, which is absolute honesty, you know, complete transparency and acceptance, and it and it's when we feel those conditions that we will thrive and that we move from what's called an external locus evaluation, so worrying about what other people think, to an internal locus evaluation, which is just being governed by ourselves, and then we're kind of free because when you when you genuinely in your heart don't care about what other people think, then the anxiety subsides, the the fear subsides, and you can just live a life authentically who you are. And that's why you know I've said before I fiercely protect those conditions in the studio, you know, making sure that the teachers fully embody that there is no judgment, there's no what do you look like, there's no how well do you perform in the classes, like none of that is just not the ethos of the studio. It's come as you are, and you are fully accepted, and we will be completely honest and positive with you whilst you're in that space, so that you can self-actualise and move from that external locus evaluation to the internal one. But it takes a really long time, and and well, it doesn't have to, but yoga is a fantastic tool in helping you do that because what you're doing every time, hopefully taught in the right way, you're choosing a yoga pose that feels good to you somatically, not gymnastically, somatically going, this feels good to me, and reinforcing, yeah, that's right, you know yourself best. Yeah, you can do less, you can take easy, the world doesn't stop spinning. You know you're enough as you are. Try easy, nothing bad happens. Actually, you feel better, and then when you have that lived experience, if I do feel better, taking rest does feel good. Like I haven't let anyone down, you know, I haven't died because I'm not achieving like all of these really deep-seated beliefs that just by practicing yoga poses in a really gentle way can help just rewrite that story and rewrite our very deep belief system. And so when we start, hopefully, we're challenged, you know, somebody asking, Do you want a biscuit? And then maybe asking a following question, you know, where else are you looking for that in your life? And when a teacher is able to truly, truly see you on your mat, and then with empathy, ask questions, where else are you doing that off your mat? We start to see these samskaras, these deeply trodden pathways in the mind, and how we can, when we bring light on them, start to make change. So just some psychology theory, really there, Beck, as to how we can end up with low self-worth being mismanaged as a child, you know, basically when our uh self-worth becomes attached to achievement when we're only loved on a performative basis.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure everyone listening is gonna have some story about that, because we've all got that story. Um, and the story that you always tell on the teacher training around this is you know, you have your baby, don't you? And you know, for the mother to bond with the baby, there's the oxytocin and the father as well, but there's this unconditional love, and then what starts to happen as the child grows up and their behaviour maybe is challenging, or um you know they need parenting because you know that's what parenting is all about, is you know, I always think of it as like the you know, if you have the barriers up on the lane at bowling, it's like I feel like that's our job as parents, and then as a child you start to question and be you know, I'm not loved if I don't do this or I do do that. So we've all got a story with that. And I'd really encourage people who are listening to just think about what comes into their mind as we're talking around that. What is what's their story? What do they feel that receiving love is attached to or not doing, you know?

SPEAKER_00 9:29

I remember reading a book once and there was such a simple excerpt that just said, and I wasn't a parent then, but it said, when your kid comes home from school and they've done you a picture, which is like nearly every day, right? Put the picture down and give them a hug and say, I love you, how was your day? And then say, now let me say that picture, instead of looking at the picture and going, That's incredible, I love you, you're so clever. So that pattern from a really young age is I'm loved anyway, and I've done a picture, rather than I'm loved because I did a picture, and that like pretty much fill I feel like that sums up my childhood, right? And that just hammered that home to me so so strongly. Um, but yeah, it's this it's this idea that yeah, trying to disconnect our achievement from our self-worth. Um, and there's a chapter, I remember I've said this before on the training too, but maybe not on the podcast. One of the guys on the training said to me when I was telling my my stories about how I was basically doing everything in my life to make my dad proud, and then he had a heart attack and he died. And I had a real question of who am I? You know, what do I want to do with my life? Because I'd done everything for seeking for his approval. Massive external low scale evaluation and deeply connected to my dad and what he thought of me, which again I know is not uncommon. Um, and the chapter in this book was live as though your father's dead, because you have to then figure out what it is that you truly want and feel where am I where am I living performatively and where am I living authentically? Um, and you know, well, that was forced on me at a very young age, which I guess is why I'm doing the work that I do now at this age. Um, but it but it's a really true, it's a really true thing. And something that I shared in the last training, which is kind of sad, but I hoped it made them laugh, was considering that I'd spent my whole life like basically trying to make my dad proud, you know, having this job that I hated, living, doing corporate, you know, burnout, all the rest of it, got myself so sick just to try and achieve to get his love. And in his dying days, bless him, when he was on life support, he went a bit do lally. And two instances when I went to the hospital to see him in ICU in intensive care, and I was still working the corporate job, and my sister came out before me. I was a bit late after work, of course, and she said to me, Oh god, he's not happy with you. And I was like, Oh no, like what's happened? Why? And she said, Well, you know, like he's not really thinking straight, but he thinks that you've stolen his meds and you won't give them back. So that was the first instance, and I was trying to convince my dad, you know, the one person I was trying to like make me love and be proud of them in my whole life, and that in his like dying days, I'd stolen the medication to keep him alive. That was the first visit, and then the second visit, you don't think it could get any worse. The second visit, he Lottie said to me again, she's like, Oh god, he's not happy with you this time. But she was sort of laughing at this point. I said, Why? And he basically had believed that I was a stripper and that that's what I was gonna do for the rest of my life, and so he actually, bless him, wasn't worried about me stripping at all, but was just worried that I wasn't gonna make any money, which again says quite a lot, doesn't it? Um, and there'd be truth in that if I was a stripper, but I have to laugh at that now, and and you know, I guess at that point he was so poorly that I did. But isn't the irony of it that I spent the whole of my life up until that point trying to make his him proud? And his dye thoughts of me were that I stole his life-saving medication and that was gonna be a stripper. Um, and and the lesson for me there that the universe taught me really, really harshly was just don't worry about what anyone else thinks, because you know, you might as well just live your life for you, because maybe the one person that you're trying to prove to the whole time is not gonna remember what you did in this lifetime anyway. Um, so it really is just about kind of being authentic to yourself and not trying to get those biscuits and not trying to please and really having that internal locus evaluation, and and a bit like what we spoke about in the last episode, it does change everything, even to the extent of going to the gym of what you eat. Because if you're truly doing this stuff for you, it moves from being a have to to a want-to, and then everything changes, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:33

Yeah, completely. And I think that's really a brave of you to share your story of you know what happened to you uh in hospital with your dad. But I mean, it just says so much, doesn't it? And uh on the training, I remember the last training that we did, and we always talk about Dharma, and there's that idea that doing your own dharma badly is better than doing someone else's dharma well, and that's like almost what you were doing. Yeah, exactly. That's so something else that's really interesting through the lens of astrology is we can often see uh where our self-worth might be challenged in our birth chart, and uh as we've explored on many podcasts, and today we've talked a lot about father wound, but you know, a lot of our wounding is um agitated in childhood because of the way that we're brought up by our mother and our father, you know, the primary car caregivers. And I want to say, first of all, like everything that I'm gonna say is without judgment or uh without blame to our parents, and you know, even myself as a parent, we don't get everything right, but it's this idea that almost it's our parents' job in a way to push our wounds to not always meet our needs, so that we can learn to meet them for ourselves later on. So, this idea that we choose our parents so that we have the best opportunity to heal our karmic wounds and step fully into our dharma, our purpose. And the planets in astrology very much all represent like a myriad of things. But I'm gonna talk a little bit today about the mother and the father womb through the astrological birth chart. So the moon can very much represent our mother in our chart because the moon represents our emotional needs in a child, also sometimes karmic residue from previous lifetimes. So the moon is really what needs to be nurtured within us, and often our mother is our primary caregiver. And we can also see the absence of a mother in someone's chart as well, sometimes. So if our emotional needs were not met, inconsistent or conditional, which is what we've been talking about today, in childhood, our self-worth then becomes linked to external validation. What again, what we've been talking about today, or like emotional survival strategies. So, you know, the work, we always talk about the work, is to realize that's what's happening through the shadows that are showing up in our life because maybe we overgive, maybe we people please, maybe we are emotionally suppressed, we avoid anything emotional altogether, maybe we're emotionally very reactive. And you know, we can see through that that is going to be due to our core relationship with our mother. You know, was your mother emotionally available? Did she model self-worth or martyrdom? Was love earned through behavior or success? All of these things that we've talked about, you know, we can really see that um in our charts. And for instance, my moon is in Libra in the second house. So my journey was very much about being likable as a survival strategy, not you know, not uh I'm making that sound extreme, but this idea of you know, if I'm just likable, then you know, nothing can go wrong. And for me, my moon is conjunct Pluto as well. So I've got like this idea of in sort of emotional enmeshment and power struggle there that's probably transcended lifetimes. So it's like this mother dynamic where emotional expression was suppressed in her, but then also in me, with love being given when you were good, when you were composed, when you stopped crying because you were upset about something. And this has made me the gift of this, I think, has made me very highly attuned to other people's emotional needs. Um, and I can always spot that, you know, or other people are feeling in probably any situation. I feel like it's uh one of my superpowers, but it means that I'm very often very slow to honour my own emotional needs, and so yeah, that shows up as uh martyrdom, overgiving, uh, and all of that type of stuff. So, yeah, that's kind of how your moon I don't want to make this podcast all about me, but that's how the moon can reflect our mother and the relationship, and you know, her the stuff she's here to heal that maybe she couldn't because there was too much of it. She she didn't have uh the environment, these perfect conditions to do that either, and that's what gets passed on, you know, to us as children. So that's the moon, and then we have Saturn is another planet that's really interesting to look at. Uh because Saturn can very often represent the father wound, and we know Saturn is all about um longevity, working hard. So there's this idea of like working for achievement. So Saturn in our in our chart can show us where we feel inadequate. Often that can be because of the absence of a father, a critical father, um, and where we build our resilience, because we've got to learn those hard lessons exactly like you have, Laura, you know, with talking about your journey with your dad, your Saturn is in your first house of self. There's this sense of, you know, that's where the achievement stuff, one of the placements anyway, where the achievement stuff comes in, is really teaching you a hard lesson. Like, I can't show up and live my life for what my my father thinks. And then, you know, almost that belief system that's transferred to you. So there are these like strong father dynamics here with Saturn. And it can also show because Saturn is a collective planet, the societal conditioning, you know, we know that we live in a patriarchy, you know, this is about, you know, the masculine. So we are all conditioned through these uh patriarchal um requirements of success that we've talked about quite a lot on the last few episodes about only being worthy if you're productive, successful, strong, you don't cry, etc. etc. So, you know, then we're gifted, and we've got to look at it as being gifted with the shadows of that that can show up in our life perfectionism, fear of failure, uh, having a really harsh inner critic. And those are the things that you're here to heal. So wherever your Saturn is, um kind of that's your lesson. So for me, my Saturn is in Virgo in the 12th house, and it's right behind my ascendant line. So for me, Saturn is like pushing me from behind there. I can't always see it. Yours is like really visible, Laura, because it's in your first house and you and you've been shown it through this dynamic with your dad. Mine is much more hidden. So there's this self-judgment that goes on and almost like a spiritual pressure because the 12th house to be perfect, to be suppressed, um, and being guilted and shamed from early on from authority. So there's within me an internalized belief that I have to work hard behind the scenes to be endlessly. Selfless to work in someone else's business, which hey, that's what I've done my whole life, and not always been seen or validated for that. And it's interesting because I was tidying out some drawers this weekend, classic retrograde thing to do because we're right in retrograde season, and I found this notebook of some notes that I'd written at work, and it was like I don't even know how many years ago, some years ago, and it's exactly some of the things that I'm feeling right now. Um, around you know, not the work that I do, not always being seen or or valued. So, you know, and I can just see how that's shown up in my life, um through the work that I do uh in the world, and especially because my self node is in the seventh house as well. But yeah, so where you're satin in is is a really cool thing to look at. And you know, it can be quite challenging to look at these things, but really I think it's like it's just about self-awareness, making the unconscious conscious. The other placements that I tend to look at as well for uh all of this stuff around self-worth is obviously the self node, you know, that's our past life identity, potentially our comfort zone, the things that we've repeated lifetime after lifetime, uh old roles, past life versions of us, inherited karma as well that we default to, especially when we don't feel worthy. So, you know, it's like the sulky child that shows up sometimes. My south node is in Pisces in the seventh house of like relating to others and Pisces, this sign of like compassion and sometimes no boundaries. Like I'll just keep giving all of the time, uh, and then I'll feel really sorry for myself and act like a bit of a child around it. So, you know, I think when you become aware of these patterns, like you still sometimes fall into them, but there's an awareness there, and then you can sort of move back to your center. Um, so the south node's important to look at, and also Chiron, which is our core wound that is our deepest soul wound. And it said sometimes that it can't actually be fixed, and what it needs is to be alchemized. So it can sometimes feel like a wound that feels unhealable, um, often tied to feeling fundamentally broken, or just things that show up in our life that are like, oh, bloody hell. Like, I literally can't change that. You know, for you, your Chiron is conjunct your self node in the seventh house in cancer. You know, it is this mother energy of like being forced to be the mother, being forced to caregive, like literally that shows up in your life. It's not like you can run away from it, so you have to alchemise it. And for me, my Chiron is in my eighth house in Taurus, so you know, it's a different placement to yours. Um actually, it's on the the cut cusp of my eighth and ninth house, depending on which house system I look at. And this is like having my wisdom dismissed or punished, uh, especially in relation to my body, my voice, and the things that I know. So, like, you know, for me, like finding my voice has been a bit of a journey. Um and like a fear of being seen. And you know, there's nothing like you learn as we are yoga teacher that sort of makes you step outside of that. So this is like my witch wound uh placement of maybe uh sort of sharing wisdom in previous lifetimes and being killed for it. And you know, sometimes when I I mean we we record these podcasts, and sometimes like you have the most massive vulnerability hangover of like, oh, like I said that thing, and I should I have said that thing, and I you know, I know that you feel like this too sometimes, Laura, but you know, it like that is my deepest wound, and so it's only by looking it in the eye and alchemizing it and speaking about it that you know that that's the path to healing. So, and it's the place where we can develop the deepest wisdom and compassion for others, and I think you know, that's why I love teaching on the teacher training so much, is probably because of that and helping other people like really find their voice. Like, I try and always be everyone's cheerleader, so um yeah, and and this is really a place where our self-worth has been bruised in previous lifetimes, and so we're here to transmute it. So, yeah, those are like four placements. Uh, you could look them up on your chart, you could run your chart, but also you could, you know, you could put it into chat GPT uh and just see what it says about it. It might not be fully accurate. Uh, and as always, like having a reading is the best way to fully understand it because there can be links between the different planets, like aspects, like Laura's Chiron is like exactly with her south node, um, which you know, then the planets start to work together, and sometimes planets can be opposite each other, so then you've got tension. So, you know, it can be a little bit more complex than that, but you know, learning all this about myself, there were things that I kind of knew, you know, through going through the yoga teacher training and things like that. But what I love about astrology is like the precision of it, so I can truly understand it, and then it's like I'm so aware of when you know the sort of shadow energy shows up for me. Uh that yeah, I can sort of not snap out of it, but yeah, make a change in what's going on in my inner world or the things that I'm doing in my outer world so that I'm not acting from the shadow and I start to live from the gift instead. The gift state is the same energy, you know, but it's just whether you're behaving from the shadow or you know, from the from the gift aspect.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

So yeah. Yeah, it's funny when you talk like that, but because we kind of started off this episode being like, we don't like we don't want goals, but and I agree with that, but I think what astrology gives me anyway, speaking from I is like the wisest goal, is like not focusing on a goal which is materialistic, which is is not uh fused with identity, is not a title, it's not, but instead it's a quality, so you know, mine is compassion. So in that sense, I feel like I always have purpose because no matter what I do, whether I rest, whether I perform, whether I do one job, whether I do another job, you know, I'm no longer seeking my dad's approval. Actually, what I'm working towards is self-actualization within myself, and my focus in this lifetime, my north node, hence the name of the podcast, is about transformation through compassion. So that does give me a focus. I wouldn't call it a goal, but it gives me a direction. And I think that's where astrology has been so incredible is that kind of zoom out. Yes, we have many lifetimes, you know, we've got south nodes, we know what we're working away from in terms of qualities, and we know what we're working towards in terms of qualities, and that does give us direction and clarity and helps us understand when we are struggling and we are feeling frustrated, or we, you know, we can feel ourselves, our wounds coming up. It really helps me anyway to understand why. And then, as you say, what is the fruit in there? What is the lesson that I can learn from this to help me transform and move towards my north node? So, yeah, astrology plays a huge part in this, and it and it's interesting how you know, we started off talking about how the Western world is disconnected, and when we talk about astrology, we're talking very much about connection, connection, and it's very an Eastern philosophy, you know, this much bigger picture of you know, how do the stars, how how is our birth chart related to our way of being and our day-to-day on this planet and our lifetimes previously and our lifetimes ahead of us, is a very deep level of connection. And one of the ways that yoga can teach us to let go of this stress and the anxiety and the doing and the self-worth attached to achievement is this understanding of Atman, which is inherent worth. So in Vedanta, they talk about your true self, your Atman, which is this pure, whole, divine, unchanging, beyond all roles and achievements that we just are, you know, that we just are worthy. We are consciousness itself. Um, Satchit Ananda is what they say in yoga, which is truth, consciousness, and bliss is what we already are. Self-worth is not something to gain, it's something to uncover by actually dissolving, by doing less, by dissolving the false self-ego, um, the hamkara, which they call it, which is this like don't feed the hungry wolf, the thing that's like asking for more, more, more, you know, starve it by doing less and practicing just being. But interestingly, it's you know, we look at okay, what's the answer to that? Can I just stop and do nothing? I've tried. And in a way, what that is, it's a really harsh mirror, it's a mirror that goes, you can't do this, there's a problem here. But it doesn't necessarily give you the tools to actually do that as a sustained way of being, as a way of living differently. And for me, it's it can't maybe it starts with a mirror and going, okay, I'm gonna look into this, but then it's about practices, you know. So, what are those practices that we can actually do to improve self-worth and to stop needing to be doing this doing, like we were talking about in the previous episode? So, you know, people with low self-esteem are disembodied, so living in the mind, judging the body or numbing out. So, yoga, as always, we say is amazing to bring us into the body with awareness and helping us feel rather than fix. So they say that self-worth starts in the body and not in the mirror, but in sensation, in feeling. Um, so poses like Charles pose, like restful poses, you know, Shivasana, yin would be amazing to just practice, just practice doing less, like that inoculation, a little bit of doing less and being okay with it. Um, introspens is amazing. So building this inner trust, so that sense of what I was talking about earlier, like I know what's best for me, you know, in that that internal locus evaluation, be here for me, I am here, and I matter, and it's not about performing for someone else. Releasing shame stored in the body, so shame and low self-worth are often held in hips, belly, chest, and throat. So, like gentle intentional movement in those areas can actually really help release those emotions, things like hip openers, lizards, heart openers, throat openers. Um, and you get empowerment as well through strength and grounding. So some of the stronger, like warrior poses, and also it's this idea that it's like not competitive, it's about self-acceptance, which in a world which is kind of filled with competition, we really need to do that, you know, just practice this non-competitiveness and it balances the nervous system because you know, like through the polyvagal lens, when we look at the vagal tone, vagal nerve, a lot of the issue with this self-worth is how it leads to stress, and I believe this is what leads to illness. So it's this idea that you know, self-worth is conditional or fragile because it's completely conditional, isn't it? So whatever we do matters. So we're very fragile in that way. You know, are people gonna like me if I do this right, if I do this wrong, if I mess up, my self-worth is connected to that. So then we overwork to prove our value, be people pleased, to avoid rejection. We feel failure because it feels like proof that we're not enough. So then we avoid um circumstances that put us in a place where we could potentially fail. So then we self-sabotage. So all of these behaviours come from trying to protect ourselves because our self-worth is connected to our achievement. Whereas if we can let go and dissolve the self-worth being connected to achievement, none of that matters. So the stress is not prevalent in the body, the hormones are not released, and we don't have that, you know, acidic environment, and then the depleted immune system or the autoimmune diseases that attack us as a result of it. So it's not just nice to have self-worth, it's really integral to our health. Um, and really it is just a practice of those mantras like I am enough just as I am, and practicing practices that help you let go of achievement and performing and practice non-competitive, like feminine expression rather than the more masculine achievement-based activities. What else would you add to that, Beck?

SPEAKER_02 35:33

I feel like I just want to say a bit more about yoga, really, to say, yeah, this was my journey with yoga, and it's that sense, and we say this a lot as teachers, but I remember a teacher saying it to me, and it like really landing was like it's your body and it's your practice. And what I found when I first really started regularly practicing yoga was yeah, like it is my body and it is my practice, and you know, choosing something for me just at that micro level on the mat, you know, you know, what version of this pose do I want to take? It kind of really showed me like where I didn't chose choose myself in other areas off my mat as well. So yeah, I just feel like yoga, you know, you're on your mat, like your little magic carpet by yourself, no one else is caring what you're doing, and it's such a powerful way back through the layers of the body. Um, you know, yes, the poses themselves like have an energetic impact, but yeah, it really becomes this place of like where for me anyway, I start to realise like the microcosm of my mat was so much a reflection of the macrocosm of off the mat. And then yeah, I feel like everyone probably also needs to do a yoga teacher training because then you know you're sort of just taking it to the next level then. Um, because it it is through standing up and teaching that you know the self-worth story is really come up to be healed, and that's what we see so much of on the training, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 37:22

It is, and and how often have we had that the feedback of like, I just thought I was gonna do a yoga course, you know, and for us anyway, our belief is like you can't teach yoga authentically if you don't work through your own work, you can't stand up and truly be seen and hold a space that is genuinely safe, and people feel like they're not judged if you haven't done the work to not judge yourself, right? We've got to work through our own stuff to be able to hold a safe space for others, so we really work through that stuff. Um, and it couldn't be more valuable. I mean, it's like when we look at, you know, an incredible book, The Body Keeps the Score, um, by Bessel Vanderkock. So he basically like writes in this book about how the body physically keeps the score. So we store our emotions, and there's lots of stories of trauma in that book. It's quite a difficult book to read in terms of it being fairly triggering, but it's incredible the information that it shares. And what I wanted to say is the importance of doing this work and releasing our um self-worth being connected to achievement from that health perspective because of the impact that it has on us physically. So when we look at a nervous breakdown, a nervous breakdown is a total collapse of these coping mechanisms emotionally, mentally, and physically. Um and it's not the problem, it's that it's a signal of this deeper system in absolute crisis. So it could look like complete emotional exhaustion, numbness, panic attacks or chronic anxiety, depression, apathy, inability to function, disassociation or feeling out of your body, or the physical symptoms of fatigue, pain, illness, and flare-ups. Um, and usually it's caused by a long period of unprocessed stress or self-suppression, you know, combined with chronic overdoing, lack of rest, lack of support, lack of expression, disconnection from body and boundaries, internalized shame or pressure. And it's the body's last resort to try and get help and to try and force you to rest. And so, really, it's like the nervous system just collapses because it's completely overloaded and overwhelmed. So the fight, flight, freeze, fawn is just you've maxed it out, there's none of that left, so the body just has to shut down, and it's this stored trauma and unworthiness that rise to the surface, and the body just says, like, no more, no more pushing, no more pleasing, no more performing. Um, and then you know, often we're kind of forced to really look at ourselves. So the healing happens when we learn to self-regulate, to regulate our nervous system, to truly believe in a body that we're enough as we are without performing. So redefining the self-worth, you know, who am I underneath it all? You know, why do I feel the need to perform or to achieve? So I think it's really important, and and it's a you know, as I say when I was researching this episode for myself, it's a it's a massive reminder because I can definitely get swept up in all of that stuff, and you know, we we are as human beings, like we're not immortal, you know. And at some point, if we don't listen to the whisper, the body is gonna shout. So it is really, really worth doing this work to keep ourselves well, to keep ourselves healthy, um, and you know, so that we can be there for the little people in front of us as well.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

So to close out, I feel like it might be nice to reflect, like, you know, this self-worth thing is definitely a journey. Where do you feel like you are with the journey? Like, what's coming up for you right now?

SPEAKER_01 41:09

I feel like a beginner, if I'm completely honest.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

I feel like I have like all the information, and yet I'm not practicing it like I should be, like, I need to be doing more yin, and but it is interesting when I look at astrology, you know. I shared with you, Becky, it's like I know our children choose us, and when I listened to Lenny the last few nights, and I was even really looking into his chart as well to try and understand it. Like, his South Maid is about perfection, and oh my god, I just see this striving to achieve and please and perform, and it breaks my heart because it's like the one thing that I want him to realise he doesn't have to do, and obviously that's why we've been put together, you know. He is triggering my wounding, I'm trying to teach him from my karma from my past, and he's trying to learn these lessons to evolve in a similar way. Um, but yeah, we're sort of struggling through it, and this is why I'm really excited about this kids' yoga course because all the things that I'm trying to teach him about letting go of perfection, it's more important that it's fun, get messy, like Mr. Messy. We were drawing these cartoons last night, trying to make flowers out of mistakes on his writing, and just yeah, I think it's a constant practice for me. It is so hardwired into my signs, it's very, it's a very lived long childhood of it in the same way, and so a constant practice, even with all the information, which is absolutely incredible. I'm so lucky that I've had access to that information, it's something that I want to practice more to look after myself better. Uh, what about you, Beck?

SPEAKER_02 42:50

Yeah, I feel like it's just a lifelong journey, isn't it? Uh, and even when we might heal one aspect of, you know, what might be our south node or you know, uh a shadow aspect of our moon, like it just shows up somewhere else later on. Uh, and that's because yeah, like being on living on Earth is hard, it's hard. Um, so for me, I feel where's it showing up for me? Or like my north node is in my first house of self, but then I've got, as I've said, like this Saturn that's behind my first house, and it like pushes me, and my south node in Pisces. So I feel like you know, I'm still working in construction at the moment, a space where it feels really important to be, you know, a woman and leading a business. It feels powerful, but it feels compromising, and it feels, you know, I watch the men in the business, like they're so confident and they speak with conviction and they don't soften their tone or I don't know, like can contract their bodies inwards, they're not making themselves smaller to be received. Whereas I notice, like I still do that. If I've got something crunchy to say, you know, there's that part of me that is like my Libra moon wants to be palatable and it wants to be light. And then that Saturn is like, I haven't done enough to earn the authority and the position. Um, and I think for me, you know, my kind of antidote to that has been starting my own business as well as, you know, still working at the moment uh in construction. Starting my own business has been huge for like embracing visibility and just trying to like be authentically who I am, and I, you know, I still feel like there's probably layers to go through there to kind of not dilute myself or shrink or um try and be what other people think I should be. So I feel like that's where I'm at right now.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

Well, I'm very glad that you're doing your work. Your Instagram account is my favourite Instagram. I love hearing your wisdom, it's so important.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Your time is precious, and we truly appreciate you spending it with us. We look forward to having you join us again soon. So, take care, and we'll catch you in the next episode.