Episode 68: What Your Friendships Are Showing You

Friendship is one of the most important, and often most confusing relationships in our lives.

Some friends stay for decades.
Some disappear after a season.
Some arrive like lightning bolts, changing the course of our lives before moving on.

In this episode we explore the idea that friendships are not random. Many of them arrive through soul contracts — agreements made at a deeper level of consciousness to support our growth, activate our purpose, or simply accompany us through a particular chapter.

We explore the idea that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and how recognising this can soften the pressure we often place on friendships.

We also talk about how my own friendship circles have shifted dramatically since practising yoga and stepping more deeply into self-awareness and spiritual work. When our values evolve, our communities often do too.

In the second half of the episode we explore the astrology of friendship.

Ultimately this episode is an invitation to see friendships with more compassion and spaciousness.

Did you know you can subscribe to this podcast so that it automatically downloads the next episode for you?

You can check out our respective websites and social media here:

Becky:

www.instagram.com/therosealmanac

www.therosealmanac.com

Laura:

www.soulsanctuarystudios.com

www.lauraclaytonwellness.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Hi everyone, welcome back. This week we are talking about friendship. We haven't done an episode on friendship and like always we try and make this information which can sometimes be quite kind of lofty and spiritual with yoga terminology and astrology terminology, but we're trying to kind of um make that really grounded and relatable and practical. So we've looked at relationships before, but we haven't specifically looked at friendship, and that is obviously a really key part of our life and also our sort of social health as well. Um, so we're going to explore that a little bit, both from the lens of yoga, psychology, and of course astrology. So, Becky, can you give us a little whistle stop tour of what has your journey been with friendship? What has it taught you?

SPEAKER_01 1:52

I feel like I had some lessons quite early on with friendship in my life. Um, because I used to live next door but one to this girl, she was my best friend, and we went to primary school together, and then I think it was like the year that you went into juniors, then I think it was like probably like year three now. Um she decided she didn't want to sit next to me anymore, and she became best friends with somebody else, and I was absolutely heartbroken. Um, and I ended up having to sit next to like a girl who had just moved to the area who didn't know anyone, and it was fine. Um but I just remember feeling like this grief around the loss of her as a friend, and also like the jealousy that went with that around, yeah, like the girl that she chosen to be her friend. A lot of comparison came up for me then. You know, I'm like, how old am I then? Like seven or something like that. Uh, what does she have that I didn't have? Was she prettier than me? Was she cleverer than me? You know, was she funnier than me? What was it that made her choose this girl uh over me? And I'm so grateful for having that lesson so early in my life, actually, because it taught me so many things. It taught me, first of all, that like friendships are not always forever, they can be transits, they can be there for a moment in time. Um and then our friendships can change. And I also learned not to put all my eggs in one basket and not to expect one person to fulfill kind of all of my needs in terms of yeah, connection. So I learned to diversify early. It meant that I had to go and make new friends because I'm pretty sure if we had just stayed friends, I probably would have just like been in her shadow forever because she was quite a big character. So yeah, I learned to make new friends, I learned uh to make connection, and yeah, from that point on, I always had a lot of friends, but none that were like really, really like super close. I never had a best friend after that, and that feels so right for me. Uh, and I think about all the things that it it taught me around comparison, and I sort of I remember I must have been going to high school and kind of thinking like I never wanted to be in that place again where I'm comparing myself with other people and thinking, you know, why does that friend choose that friend? I really just stayed out of all the drama then through high school. So yeah, forever grateful for that lesson. And I think those lessons that we can we earn learn earlier in life can often be like the most powerful ones because you know you're learning them so young, and that ability to shape your whole whole future, really. So yeah, I definitely had a soul contract with that girl. Um, and I'm so grateful that she came in and she did treat me badly, but yeah, grateful for it. Is there anything you would share from kind of early life that impacted you and and taught you lessons around friendship?

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Well, it's so interesting listening to you because obviously we sort of summarise before the session, but not necessarily go into the like granular detail of our stories. And there is some overlap, but as I'm listening to you, I'm wondering like, was I that person? Was I the person who dropped my friend? We were similar, and it was really unusual, like now I know astrology not, but our parents were both our parents were divorced at the same age, our parents got divorced, and um both our mum and our dad lived about three houses apart, so it didn't matter which parent we were visiting, we were always like together, and we'd obviously just go and play wherever we were. So we were really like sisters, we just came as a package, um, and that was all through both primary school and secondary school. We were in the same boarding house at secondary school, like we were just always together, and everyone kind of knew that. And then um, there was a weird, like competitive thing. I was more sporty, she was into like singing, and then like if she did good at sport, it was weird, and if I was okay at singing, that was like it was this strange like you learn how to navigate like competition and identity. Um, and then there were some horrible rumours that went around. I mean, we both got, you know, boyfriends and they were like out of school, and rumours started, as it does when you're like what you know, I think what we must have been 15, 14, 15, and people were really staring the pot. Anyway, we she moved boarding house and we split, and we hit we never spoke after that, and it was again it was like a huge, a huge deal because you know, up until that point we'd been together most weekends. Um, and then suddenly it was this yeah, it was like a end of a relationship. So, and that I think I mean, I was so hurt by what I heard that I sort of like cut the contact. So I don't know if I dropped or if it was, I don't know, who who knows? Either way, the contract ended, and I think you know, we talk about also trauma bonding, you know, maybe we clung to each other when we needed each other, and then sort of, you know, our parent everything gnawed out, and then we didn't need each other anymore. I don't know, but for whatever reason, yes, that taught me that relationship taught me so, so much. Um, and then it came to an end. And interestingly, the way that you describe how that taught you never to have, or it just has happened that you haven't had a best friend again. I went the other way, and I was like, you know, I I have Sess now who um is again like a sister to me, and obviously, I I always say like friendships almost like you have like the yoke and then you have the white bit, it's like you know, and she's sort of the centre of the yoke, and then I have you know other people who are so close to me in in my sort of daily, weekly life, and then all those other lovely people around the edge, and I sort of you you know you know where you are in that sense. Um, but yeah, we have a pretty intense relationship, I would say. I mean it's calm, but it's like we speak daily, um, and yeah, that's just how relationships have kind of played out for me. Um, but I think you're right. I mean, I think like I look at Chloe and she's navigating her relationships now at 11, and it's so difficult. It's so difficult. And trying to explain to her how you can have lots of friends, you don't have to have one friend, and it doesn't really matter if someone doesn't want to sit next to you. But of course, at that age it does, it absolutely matters because it matters because you're saying, Why are you not choosing me? What's wrong with me is the like theme, isn't it? I think that's where we have to parent so brilliantly, I hope, at that point, because you kind of you know, you go to Tony Robbins 30 years later and you realise that like that limiting belief that there was something wrong with you, or you're not likable, or you're not lovable, came from some of those early relationships, unless you can reframe it and go, That's okay. Like, you know, people are here for a season and a reason, and they teach us something, and we let them go, and there's nothing wrong with you. Um, so yeah, they set us up, don't they, those early relationships for how we approach like our probably our self-image and our relationships going forward. Um, so then Beck, as you've moved on into the world of yoga and astrology, what else have you have you learned and added on to that learning from childhood?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Well, I think yoga really taught me so much more self-awareness about myself and you know, perhaps where I'd had friendships before and they'd ended maybe not in a good way, or I'd got very triggered by uh the other person, or maybe they got triggered by me, or you know, maybe I'd behaved badly and never apologised for it. I think yeah, just that increase in self-awareness was huge because I was able to see, you know, that those things were triggering in me because of something unhealed, you know, that I wasn't accepting about myself. So I think that's one thing that yoga massively did for me. And I guess I just started also spending time around different types of people and really learning well, becoming more attuned to things like gossip, um, and perhaps where before there'd been things around competition, like if you were doing well and someone else wasn't, or that kind of thing. Um and also like friendships that felt fake and a bit performative as well. So I think the greater you can only know other people to the depth that you know yourself, I think. So the more that I got to know myself like on this journey, the more I was able to connect more deeply with other people that were like the right energetic connection for me, I suppose. Uh, and I think also, you know, doing the yoga teacher training, you know, you spend that 200 hours with people, and um you know, you you create deep friendships on that training as well. So yeah, I think I think yoga is probably like the one thing like the journey that I've been on that has massively changed the people that I connect with. And then as I've started to teach more, uh, and also like mentor women and coach women, uh, I often end up being friends with either my teachers and my mentors that have taught me, a bit like us. And then also for the people that I teach and mentor, I end up creating quite strong friendships there. And I feel like that's one of actually the things that I'm here to do is, you know, women should be shoulder to shoulder. There should not be hierarchy when we talk about patriarchy and you know that dominance of masculine energy, and we compare that to matriarchy, where it's like this idea of the children being in the middle of a circle, and the women are all kind of shoulder to shoulder. It is about breaking down that hierarchy and that you can be someone's teacher, but you're also you know, you're also learning yourself. Every single person in this world has something that they could teach me. Um, and I probably have something that I could teach other people as well. So yeah, it's been a really rich journey so far.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

It's so interesting. I think, yeah, we witnessed that, don't we, on the 200 hours? And I I remember experiencing it myself. You're right, it's the depth that you go into on a 200 to learn about yourself. What you know, why do you need to step out of your own way? Why don't you feel comfortable being seen, you know, or sharing? And you you dig deep, right? And you dig deep with a group of people. And I think when maybe I shouldn't over-generalize, but when you truly understand someone's perspective, it's hard not to get close to them. When you truly understand why they behave how they behave, and you find empathy for it, you sort of you love them because you just see that they're human, and so I think when you do all of that work together and everyone's vulnerable and you can understand why they've done what they've done, and maybe other people don't, you feel this sort of like bond and closeness together. And obviously, within that group, you know, after the training, some people stay super close and other people are just there. But for me, like I never felt lonely again. I always felt like those people know me, they know my heart, they know why I've done things, they know what I struggle with, and I could pick up the phone to any one of them and just be like, What do you think? And that they'd be like honest, and yeah, they're probably not the people that I hang out with on a weekly basis, and you know, maybe I don't even invite them to parties or whatever. That sounds a bit childish, but you know, they might not be like my social group, but they're there, and and that that trust and that respect and that love really will will not go away. Um, and that's why, yeah, I think partly why a 200 is is so powerful, it's what you learn about yourself, but it's also like the relationships that you make on on the way. And I think what we often hear and what we often see is like sometimes like we can call it the loneliness gap. So when people come on the training, they're sort of like they are living their life as their life is, and they sense this like there's something missing. Like a lot of them, like that's why they're there, like they they're looking for something more, they're not quite sure what it is. A lot of them have like loads of friends, maybe. Um, and then as they go through the training and they change, so they become more aligned, they become more sure of their standards of what they do accept and what they're not willing to accept anymore. And friendships naturally fall away, and there's always this sort of moment of panic. I think when they get kind of like I don't know, maybe three-quarters of the way through the training, and they start going, I'm not sure I like my friends anymore. Um, and that's really normal. And we have to do quite a lot of work around like it's not that you're better, it's that you're different, and you can still love and respect people, even though they're different to you. So your paths are now you're walking alongside each other, but you're certainly not better just because you've learned this information. Because I think that's where the danger really comes along. When we start getting into the territory of, like, oh, they just don't understand how the world works. Like, well, you know, up until two months ago, you could argue that nor did you, like, and it's and it's one of those things where it's like it doesn't make you better or worse, it just means that you've changed, and and I've seen it so many times. I was only talking to a friend about this the other day, actually with their mother, how they feel like she's lonely because she thinks she's different to everyone, and no one's like her, no one thinks like her, you know, and with that, is like you know, it's really difficult when you go through this evolution. There's a real balance between going, I've raised my standards, and I'm actually not going to accept that dynamic anymore. And there can be questioning within that, which is like, am I arrogant? Is that like, you know, what's going on there? And no, of course you're not arrogant. Just because you've done a lot of self-work and you've raised your standards, you're letting relationships go. You're just aligned, it doesn't mean you're arrogant. However, the shadow side of that is that if you do start moving into not that I've changed and I'm different, but I'm better. And if you start moving into that territory, that is the shadow side of it, where it's this like spiritual superiority piece. No one understands me, everyone else is unconscious, you know, I'm consciously living, so I'm different to everyone else. And this is actually this is ego just disguised as growth. Yeah, it's spiritual ego, it's spiritual ego, exactly. But it's kind of more dangerous because you think that, yeah, you think that you're best like you think that you're more healed in a way. So it's not ego going like, you know, I've just got a massive ego and I don't care. It's going, oh no, no, I've done all the work.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

You know, the moment you think you've done all the work, I'll tell you now there's a load more to go if you're in that place, because what you've done is stop seeing the human in other people. And I think I do think it's a kind of a you do go through that, but you can't get stuck there. You have to come out the other side and be like, shit, I was so like far at my own ass there that you know I'm judging other people, and I can't bear to be around that person because they're just so unhealed and you know, they're triggering me. Well, that's showing you there's still more work to to go. Um you know, I think of me when I finished my yoga teacher training. Actually, I was probably in a place where I got even more triggered by people because I was aware of it. And yeah, there were times where I thought, oh, you know, I don't know if I can stay in my marriage, I don't know if I can, you know, see family that are close anymore because I you know, I'm so aware now and so awake and they're so asleep, and you know, the sheep and all of that. And yeah, I I do feel like it's something you go through, whereas uh me now hardly ever get triggered, or if I do, it's for a moment, and then I'm like, okay, why is this so triggering for me? And that you know, again, that's not me coming from a place of ego, uh, because I think we're forever on a journey of healing, but I'm just comparing me when I finished my teacher training and thought that I was awakened to me now, like not getting triggered as much, and I still know like there's so much more to work on. Um, so I do think it is part of the journey that you go on, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

So we talk about those the pendulum, don't we? You swing like in so many ways, you know. We we often reference this when we're doing the mask. So maybe like for me, my journey was like perfectionism, and then I did my yoga teacher and I was like, okay, I'm not shaving my armpits, I'm not dry dyeing my hair, like we're way the other end of the spectrum, just like I don't care. And in a way, I went too far, and there was a bit of lack of like self-care going on, and then you find the middle ground, right? I think same with your like relationships, and you can kind of come in and be like, Yeah, I've got it all knuckled down, I know who my tribe are, then you kind of undo it a bit, then you kind of go, none of those are for me, and then you might come back to the middle and go, actually, like I can see the beauty in all of those people, and understand that of course they're all doing the best they can with the tools they have, and I think there's a real difference between choice, like choosing who you give your time to, and drama, like the two that it does not need to be dramatic, it can come with love and compassion. I think when you choose to like cut your time off from someone because there's so much drama around like how triggering it is for you, yes, that's a sign of healing. I think when you choose to like yeah, just switch where you're putting your time, but with love and compassion and without all the drama that needs to come with it, then it's like you're just using you're designing your life, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah, absolutely. Um, and I think also, you know, what we learn at yoga teach training is like sitting shoulder to shoulder with people, and you're all in the same boat, right? Nobody, it doesn't matter what job you've had that you might be, you know, super successful in whatever industry that you're working in and earn loads of money, and then next to you might be like a mum who is not working at the moment, like she's devoting her time to caring for her children. You might have someone who is unemployed, you might have someone who has been a drug addict, you could be in circle with all of these other humans, and they are on the same journey as you doing this teacher training, and you know, and and you get to know them and you admire their bravery, and it's such a powerful journey. And if we just think of like life being like the yoga teacher training, like everyone's just on their journey, everyone makes mistakes, you know, and for a lot of that journey, so much of what we do and how we do it is unconscious to us, even when we kind of wake up and and become self-aware, you know. So the thing that you always say, right, people are just doing the best that they can with the tools that they've got, and I think that sentence will just stay with me forever.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Yeah, because it's it's just a human truth, isn't it? And it's really interesting when you talk about the power of that group dynamic. Uh, yeah, there's there's really nothing like it. I mean, obviously, group therapy is similar, but you know, it's quite unusual, I'd say, to go into group therapy unless you're doing your training. Um, or you know, maybe addiction, things like that. You can be put in those um groups, and yes, that's what partly why they're so powerful because we see our ourselves in each one of those people, and we realise that we are all connected, yoga, union. You know, we all come from that source energy, don't we? Like you taught me, like, and when you come back together and you see the reason people do things and you like learn to love them, you learn to love yourself again because you understand, okay, yeah, we do all make mistakes. So many of the questions that I get before signing up to teach training, am I too old? Am I too young? You know, um am I good enough at yoga? You know, all of these things. And like when you get in that group dynamic, it that those questions, like with love, but you can kind of chuckle at them because you just see how powerful that diversity is. You know, even like this weekend we ran the art of assisting, we had people on that course who were still in university and we've got people in on the course who are retired, you know, we've had people do our teacher trainings from 16 to the late 70s, all sat in the same room together and all learning from each other. You know, oh my goodness that's how my granddaughter must think. I've been so blind to that. Oh my goodness that's why you know my grandmother acts how she and you just gain so much love for the people in your life who you didn't understand because you can fully understand where someone's coming from. Like we're all doing something for a reason and when you understand the reason for it you can have so much empathy for it. And that's where I think you know it's really hard not to sort of like people when you when you fully understand the motive and if it doesn't align with your values then you kind of go look they're just trying their best and you can just yeah let those people go with love. But it's difficult. I mean like when we talk about this we talk about as though it's quite simple but it's very complex. I mean you know when you look at the koshas which I so often refer to in yoga but you know you've got the anamaya kosher that sort of physical sheath where am I who am I spending my time with the pranamaya kosha energetically who do you resonate with the Manamaya kosha like is the mind like what are you thinking and the the the vijhnanamaya kosher is like the wisdom sheath now a big word that comes up there is discernment and I think this is this is the skill that we're learning or at least like it keeps it keeps popping up for me in my day to day at the moment it's like you know you do a lot of the work you're always doing the work but and then it comes down to discernment so you go okay I I do know my values here there's no drama around it but I'm just trying to figure out what is aligned me with me now and what isn't and it is it can be subtle you know you that balance between like the difference with a marriage and a friendship right is that you're sort of there's that soul contract but there's nothing written on paper so it's like you can just let it go. Then you have a marriage and of course you can just let that go too but there's a bit of admin that comes with it and it isn't it interesting how like what we learn about staying with someone and and in some way I wouldn't want to say being forced to stay with someone but there's more red tape around it in a marriage right whereas a friendship when you don't and then how do you use that discernment piece to go should I stay or should I go? Whether that's in a friendship or whether that's in a marriage it is really subtle isn't it it's hard because you have all this empathy you could love anyone so you could stay in any relationship really if you're healed and you see compassion and you love them.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

But then there's that is this aligned with me anymore and where's that where does that live what do you think about that yeah I think it doesn't have to be like a big yeah like if you're divorcing someone you know there's finances involved there's all kinds of things isn't there but with friendship that doesn't apply so much I just don't think it has to be a like a loud decision the way you're like you know we're not at primary school where you're like I'm not your best friend anymore. I think friendships are yeah okay there can be like events that make you know things come to a head but I think for the most part you know when I'm looking at the friendships that have ebbed and flowed in my life you know it's not like with an overnight like we're not friends anymore. It like a distance sets in and often you're just shown through like the different paths that you end up following. So yeah I have people that I wouldn't say there's many people that I'm not friends with now that have been friends in my life like I've not massively fallen out with people and never spoken to them again but have they drifted into the distance absolutely and if I see that person like it'll always be like oh hi how are you and you know you have a little bit of chat or whatever and sometimes there's the like shall we meet for a coffee thing and it kind of you know in your heart like we're we're never gonna meet for a coffee and that's okay like I just wish you so much love and hope that you're happy and I think you just know and so for me that's always what I've tried to teach my children as well is like don't but don't burn your bridges unless you have to and I think this applies in so many areas of life like with your friendships your family um and even in business you know you can get you can have business relationships which can be similar to friendships in a way like there's often karma involved and they go really really wrong um and if you can make an endings happen like with love and forgiveness is a massive piece as well in friendship I think like forgiveness for yourself if you you know maybe have not acted in a way that is like for the highest and greatest good of that other person or yourself and forgiveness for the other person as well. I just think yeah so I just don't think it has to be like a loud bang and I think you know people who have a lot of friendships that end that way probably have a lot of childhood wounding around friendship that maybe they need to go back and like revisit you know and I'm saying that not from a judgment place but with love because yeah it's really powerful to do that that kind of work um I see it now you know with sort of people that I have in my world who I would say are close friends and some of them would I identify as being highly sensitive people and this is like a term I think somebody came up with it in a book like a psychologist highly sensitive people and I get that right you're you know you're recognising that you are sensitive to the environment to other people and thing and things like that but like where is it holding you back? Where is it giving you an excuse you know for the very things that we were just talking about like is it because you don't want to be triggered yes of course when we're with people we often take on their energy and of course we need time on our own as well um but yeah I just think some of those things some of those terms can be not always helpful and I think can keep us separate from other people when really what we're here to do is like truly connect and truly see each other so how can we how can we do that if we're basically saying I'm just a more sensitive person than you are yeah yeah it's ironic isn't it because that by doing the work ultimately we're trying to reconnect and what we're saying there is like doing the work has created disconnect.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

So you've got to you've got to question a bit of the work there haven't you um but it's I mean I understand it because it's this idea that like if you've done a lot of nervous system healing it is it is really hard to just like comfortably sit in like a dysregulated dynamic you know in that way you are you know if you take the layers of the kosher you go okay I'm very connected to my pro-perception where is my body now I'm pretty connected to my interception like what am I feeling and that sort of wisdom piece of like this isn't right for me you are more sensitised to dynamics because you are more connected to the subtle sensations within your body that's a great thing but if you've lost the the macro picture of connection and of union then you're kind of using that heightened sensitivity to create distance so like I understand where it comes from but I think you know it's this idea that like growth doesn't require blame you know like we can we can grow but why there's no need what you know what is there to blame really um and it's just kind of sending love when you do find that distance naturally evolves and like just wishing them well on their way right without like all of that yeah drama that might come with it. And that's where like meta meditations are so powerful aren't they? Yeah I love a meta meditation. Yeah if you haven't looked at that it's really it's so powerful it's sending love to yourself sending love to somebody that you feel like indifferent to and then sending love to somebody who maybe you find challenging and and that is yeah I think that's really really powerful.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Yeah such a good practice so then Beck like we talk about how some people's relationships like it doesn't need to be a big bang right as you say there doesn't need to be these dramatic endings and we're saying how you know we can evolve without blame but then when we look at people's charts like what what do we see in people's charts is it is there like Mars involved you know in terms of like drama and conflict and relationships is that more present in some people than others like because we can talk about this doing the work and healing and not being triggered but what if their what if their chart has just got a lot of drama in that area how does that work yeah so the place you want to look in your chart for friendship is the 11th house which is you know the houses are the different areas of life the 11th house is about friendship community networking and I think it goes beyond that really because then it's about shared ideals and the collective and the 11th house understands at its highest frequency that we are all individuals and it is through embracing each other's individuality that we can form a collective that come together. And I mean we're so far from this on the planet right now you know when you look at what's going on in the world um but that's where friendship lives. So yeah it's worth looking at your chart and thinking okay what sign rules this area of my chart um and then what planets have I got in there so you know for instance if you have Saturn in your 11th house Saturn is all often the planet um where we're being asked to grow uh and mature so we might be sent a lot of lessons around friendships we might have less friendships because saturn restricts we might have lessons through community we might not feel like we belong until later in life and we might feel more like an outsider and this placement where wherever you have saturn in your chart but if you have saturn in the 11th house and you have to grow into that placement over time. So it might be you struggled with friendship as a child but then as an adult you've learned all the lessons and then you can establish like these really loyal long-term friendships whereas if we flip it and say the opposite sort of energy to Saturn is Jupiter it's an expansive positive energy we can have like networks that are very expansive um like community that comes together are some of our opportunities for work and travel or whatever could come through friendship and it's the energy of being a natural connector so for someone with Jupiter in the 11th friendships feel you know sort of abundant I have Jupiter in my 11th house and yeah I had like that one lesson early in my life but then you know kind of friendship is not something that I've struggled with and I feel extremely extremely blessed to have you know the network of people that I have around me. I think it's worth talking about the north node and the south node here as well. If you have your north node in the 11th house then like your journey your path is about can learning to connect with people um because your south node will be in the fifth house opposite you know which is opposite to the 11th house so you know often people with a north node in the 11th house probably have shru struggled with their place in the world um haven't found their people and it's about changing the focus from self to to the group um that way and if you're the other way around and you have your south node in the 11th house and some people listening might not have either of these but I'm just talking about it because obviously our podcast is the North node but South node in the 11th house is like an overdeveloped energy. So it might mean past lifetimes where there's been a lot of karmic entanglement in groups um identity has been lost in a community or a movement um perhaps friends that have taken advantage and of course always with the South node it echoes through like this lifetime. So that person's journey might be really about learning to discern in friendship and having less friendships. So I think it all depends on yeah like the past lives and of course then our early environment is almost like an incubator to bring out the the wounding in a way so that we can come out the incubator and and learn to access the sort of the highest the higher frequency energy in this lifetime. And the other place to look in your chart is where you have Gemini as well. So Gemini is the archetype of the of friendship really it's the social butterfly energy. So wherever you have Gemini whichever house it's in is kind of like yeah how how friendship could show up for you there. So for me for instance I have Gemini at the very top of my chart in my 10th house so it's like having to be social and um speak as well Gemini the energy of speaking for a living but for me I have my son at the very bottom of my chart in my fourth house of home so there's this real push pull for me of being like outwardly social but needing time to retreat. So yeah I would definitely say like I'm an omnivore like that and very nourished by being around people but also there's that need to withdraw and have time on my own at home as well. Yeah so like there are definitely places you can look in your chart and yeah if friendship is something that you have found challenging through your life I can pretty much guarantee it will be somewhere in your chart as one of the lessons that you're here to to kind of learn and grow from as well.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

So useful so I'm gonna go and have a look and find out where where mine are but I remember like we talk about those key lessons when we were younger um and actually yeah Seth and I always have this phrase like I was as we're teaching our children as well as they struggle with friendships. I think the important thing to remember is you say like if it's a theme and it's showing up like I'm not gonna use her real name because yeah just not fair but like let's say there was this girl at school called Sandra right and Seth really struggled with this person and Seth's dad was Buddhist actually at the time and I remember learning so much from him like I used to go to her house and just like sit and listen like so different to the way I was brought up and he would say like there's always going to be another Sandra so like you can't focus on Sandra we've got to focus on you.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

And I just remember that being so profound and like you know it's one of those things that I hope I can teach my children like there's always going to be another Sandra you know and so the most important thing to do is to heal yourself and realize why are you being triggered by that person to help you kind of walk peacefully rather than like give that one person all your energy and then look what happens you move school and there's another Sandra you enter the office and there's Sandra again like just wearing a different face like you know and that you're right like though if it's a theme like it's the lesson that we're here to learn right absolutely yeah um and like you said you know there's free will you can choose not to be friends with Sandra anymore as well if if she's behaving in a way that yeah doesn't meet your standards and your values um and I think that's great if we get to that point but so many of our friendships actually feel way more karmic than that. And I think the fact that we can choose our friends we can't choose our family right well we do but you know once we're born you know there's that sense of like being stuck with them forever. You can't kind of disown them well you can but you know whereas our friendships are like our one of the first choices we make for ourselves like who am I going to be friends with when I go to school um and I think that can be like a really empowering thing and they say don't they like the what is it the top I'm gonna say seven but I don't know if that's true. The top seven people that we spend the most time with um like have the big biggest influence on us and we we become like them. So I think it's really like looking if you look at that and you were to like put the top seven people that you spend time with like are you happy with that? Does that feel like a good reflection of who you are right now and I think that is also the people the journey that people go on on their yoga teach training isn't it because yeah we change and so we need a different outward reflection all of our relationships are mirrors so that we can see something deeper about ourselves yeah and isn't that interesting how we have it's almost like family teaches us how to be with something uncomfortable and in a way friendships teach us like natural endings and letting go like we could you know you have both opportunities there to practice those um and I think like part of the reason that we're talking about this is like friendships have a huge impact on our health.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

I think it's easy for me you know I guess like with the sort of Capricorn energy and like often very achievement based and like career and work work work friendships can often feel like this sort of like fluffy nice thing but like not really that important to be honest. Like and I maybe that's why I'm like I've got Cecilia and then I've got my yoke and then yeah and I just kind of like I've got work and then my kind of key people and that's all I have capacity for because career is like a big part of my life or achievement whatever you want to call it but actually like when we look at friendship there is a real connection between friendship and health there was an actually a meta-analysis done by a lady called Julianne Holt Lundsted and she found that loneliness increases the risk of early death by around 26 to 32% which is comparable with 15 cigarettes a day. Wow so when we talk about loneliness and sometimes that can come with that sort of social arrogance um I you know I think there's like a really fine line like we've said of like sometimes loneliness can can actually signal that's okay like you've just raised your standards there's that loneliness gap but making sure that you don't get stuck there or frame it as something too positive because actually for our health like yeah being lonely is equivalent to 15 cigarettes a day and that's why you know we we need to see more when we go to the doctors of social prescribing you know I I know there's a place for antidepressants and things like that but there's been so many cases shown like go out socialise see your friends come back and like the health changes in these people are enormous so it's like we always say yoga gives you the tools to like live this life and astrology kind of gives you the map of where you're going and I think like friendships are a perfect example of that like you need the tools to be able to navigate friendship to be healthy and be well and astrology is going to show you the map of where you're gonna see kind of challenge and the lessons that that is teaching you but it is essential for your health yeah it feels like a good way to close out doesn't it yeah

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Okay, perfect. Good.