Episode 75: Self-Worth, Body Image & Shame: Why Women Struggle to Like Themselves

Do you actually like yourself… or have you just been taught to constantly fix yourself?

In this episode, we explore self-worth, body image, and the deeper layers of self-acceptance that go far beyond surface-level self-love.

Because for so many women, the issue isn’t a lack of confidence, it’s a lifetime of subtle conditioning that has taught us to mistrust our bodies, suppress our appetite, and believe we are always one step away from being ‘better’.

Through the lens of Eve, we look at how shame around desire and the body was formed, and how that still shows up today in body image struggles, fear of ageing, and the pressure to constantly improve ourselves.

We also explore how astrology and yoga can help you reconnect to yourself — rebuilding self-trust, understanding your desires, and learning how to feel at home in your own body again.

Because if you are disconnected from your appetite… how can you have an appetite for life?

This episode is for you if you’re tired of trying to fix yourself and ready to actually feel at home in who you are.

Did you know you can subscribe to this podcast so that it automatically downloads the next episode for you?

You can check out our respective websites and social media here:

Becky:

www.instagram.com/therosealmanac

www.therosealmanac.com

Laura:

www.soulsanctuarystudios.com

www.lauraclaytonwellness.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Okay, hey everyone, we are back this week and um today's topic is something that was inspired from uh one of my training sessions I'm doing at the moment to become a trauma-informed therapist and as part of that training you have to be in therapy yourself for the first half of the training. So we do a lot of really incredible group work sharing with these yeah lovely group of people who are working towards becoming trauma specialists, and something that came up um last week was one of the ladies sharing that she had this kind of really profound realisation um that she did not like herself, and it really sort of hit my heart as to like you know, why, but also how does that happen generally? How do we come to decide that we don't like ourselves when, especially from a kind of yoga spirituality perspective, is like we are always enough as we are, right? And we're not like improvement projects, it's about like accepting. Um, and so yeah, it just felt quite a stark view to obviously not like ourselves, and it it made me kind of ask the question I wonder how many people do actually like themselves, and again, sort of if not, why not? And it made me kind of explore into this. I was thinking, like, is there something around this idea of being a good person or a bad person? Because I understand there can be parts of ourselves that we might not like, but to actually not like ourselves as like a whole feels quite identity-based, and that good person, bad person, identity thing. And is that even real or you know, helpful? Does that show up in our charts anywhere? So these were just some ideas I was playing with, and obviously the person to discuss this with is Beck. Um, so we thought we'd share it on the podcast and just throw some ideas around about liking ourselves and where that comes from. So, Beck, what do you think? What are your first thoughts on this when I asked that question? Do you like yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:09

I think it really goes into what does like even mean? And I think when we're talking about like this concept of self, I think it has to be about acceptance. Um because you're right, yeah, there are going to be certain parts of ourselves that yeah, like maybe are not the most positive things, and acknowledging like nobody's perfect, like perfect doesn't exist. And when we try and distance ourselves from the parts that we don't like, whether that's something physical, mental, emotional, you know, whatever layer that it sits in, we end up projecting those very shadows on the people around us anyway. And so for me, I think my personal journey with liking myself, loving myself, has been very much about accepting the parts of myself exactly as they are. Um, you know, rather than just, I think if you just try and move from a place of not liking yourself to loving yourself, I feel like that's such a leap to make. So I think it's bringing all parts of you into the light and saying, yeah, there's this part of me, I don't know, that could be a bit judgmental, or um, you know, what are some of my tendencies? I guess, like, you know, where I'll maybe try and spiritualise things, I'm pretty not a nice person always when people are ill around me. I'm I'm not always good at dealing with that, and yeah, accepting them for what they are and seeing them for what they are, like flaws, and we all have flaws. So, yeah, that's kind of been my journey with liking myself, very much connecting with acceptance. Um yeah, what about you? Where what where would you begin this discussion?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yeah, it's really interesting because almost what I'm hearing is like it can always come from like a perfectionist trait. Like if it if I'm not perfect, whatever that means, then I don't like it. And you're right, it's like, what do we mean don't like ourselves? Compared to what? You know, so that's where I think maybe the perfectionist thing comes in, and interesting, like in in yoga, when we look at the klasias, so we often talk about koshas, the layers of being, which we can look into, but the klass are the poisons of the mind, and then two of those when we look at like raja, which is attachment, like I like myself when I look good, like this attachment to what feels good, but then devesha, like I don't like myself because it isn't what I want it to be, and this kind of like black and white thinking, um, and those being like toxic to us, like poisons, attachment to what we like, and then um adversion to what we don't like. So, yeah, acceptance feels like a really important part of that, doesn't it? Instead of kind of comparing ourselves to others and what we want and what we don't want, but instead just accepting ourselves with our flaws, completely, as they say, perfectly imperfect in Baron Baptiste's book. Um, yeah, maybe that is the journey to to kind of foster liking ourselves more. Um, and and I think it comes down to this unconditional love piece, doesn't it? Again, it's like if love was conditional growing up, you know, you only receive love if you achieve, if you are good, if you are polite, if you look the part, all of that, then we can inherit that, can't we? And we have conditional circumstances in our own mind about ourselves. Like I am only worthy of love if I look a certain way, or if I achieve a certain amount, and maybe when we start showing ourselves some unconditional love, so loving ourselves with our flaws, then yeah, it's a sort of a route to healing, isn't it? And I mean, you asked, How do I feel about it? Um I you know, I always it shocked me when this lady said that. She actually said, I hate myself, and I like really hit my stomach because I was like, I find it quite hard to believe if I'm honest. Um, and I think I maybe I've overcompensated the other way, where I think had a weird thing where my dad was like highly critical of me and was very like very love, was absolutely conditional. Whereas my mum has always just pumped me with like, you're the best, you're amazing, like you can do whatever you want. And thankfully, I think that that was louder for me. So I'm so grateful for her doing that. And I've always like, I don't know, it's interesting when people talk about not liking themselves. You know, people I like in this therapy session was like that their bodies had let them down, their bodies had let them down in childbirth, their bodies had let them down in illness, and so far, touch wood, my body's been so good to me that I feel really grateful. I love my body. I I love that I can exercise, I love that I can feel like I can kind of eat what I want, and like my body doesn't really change, it's very um reliable, I suppose. And and I at the moment so far, that's been my experience in life, and I feel very grateful for that. And I know liking ourselves isn't just about our body, but you know, when I I sort of go in a layer and I I didn't like how I suffered with depression so much of my life. I hated myself in that period of my life because I just wanted to wake up happy, and I remember feeling like my body was failing me in that way, like my mind was failing me in that way. Um, but since learning yoga and astrology, like I don't I don't open my eyes and want to be happy every day anymore. Like I'm curious as to like, oh, what's happening planetary as I feel like this? Like, where are my hormones? Like, where have I overdone it? Am I in burnout? So I'm I'm less perfectionist about I want to be happy every day, and I'm more curious around oh, why do I feel like this? A lot more compassion, I suppose. And so that's really helped with the sort of the inner world, and then I'm pretty strict on myself in terms of like morals, like I'm I yeah, will make sure that I do the right thing, like I it's just very high on my list, and so I because of that, I feel like I I respect myself, I like myself in that way that I feel as though I do the right thing. Um, and like people that I've spoken to before only in the past couple of weeks, which is sort of what inspired me to look into this. Someone I was talking to was like, I've got this thing with respect, like I just people have to respect me, and they kind of shout it from the rooftops, demanding respect. And for me, that was just like why are you asking for it? Like, if you're having to ask for respect, there's something going wrong. Like, you if you deeply respect yourself, A, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, and B, people are going to respect you because you're walking the walk rather than talking the talk. So for me, I yeah, it's probably a long answer, but I think it's been a bit of a journey. But um, doing the right thing, even when it's hard, for me gives me this sort of I respect myself and therefore I worry less about what others think, you know.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Does that make sense? Yeah, and I can sort of relate to that. I would say for me, it's like always trying to find kindness, even when yeah, life throws you shit, and I can feel good about myself that okay, like I've behaved in a way that is kind or yeah, respectful to someone else, no matter what. Um, I think that allows me to sort of be happy with who I am, and I suppose it's like if you go to the root of that, like what makes someone unable to do the right thing or to be kind no matter what, it's probably because like they haven't cultivated the tools within themselves to be able to do that, you know, like to be kind when there's all kinds of stuff going on, and maybe you haven't been treated in a way that you think is appropriate. Um yeah, like there's a certain amount of work that has needed to be done to be able to not be reactive and just see that situation for what it is and that person doing the best they can. Um, you know, maybe you've tri there's like triggers going on. Um so yeah, if you focused all your time on what you think liking yourself is about, which can be about the physical body and not done the inner work, then yeah, I think I think there's there's that thing of like, yeah, I'm gonna be happy when I'm gonna like myself when I've lost two stone, when I look a certain way. And you know, I live my life definitely uh that way when I was in my early well like teens, late teens and early twenties. I was so fixated on my way and what I looked like. Um, and I feel like I've just been on such a journey with that, and not from a place where I don't care anymore, but from a place of acceptance, like this is how my body is right now. I've had two kids, um, I'm busy, like I don't always have the time that I had in my 20s to you know commit. I mean, and it was gruelling, like the way that I treated my body in that time. Um, you know, it would be like gym in the morning, run in the evening. Um, and like I suppose I grew up as well in a time where, like, in all the women's magazines, it was like very much shaming, body shaming, like celebrities on the beach, and like if you eat 12, just eat 1200 calories a day, like you know, you can achieve the perfect body. And I like totally bought into all of that, uh, and thought that it was through my physical body that that would make me happy. And do you know what? Like, it was never it was never enough, really. Um, no matter what I did, sort of the the self-confidence about what I looked like didn't change. Um, even when I met my what is now my husband, you know, and I never felt like there was pressure from him to look a certain way, but it was about actually me feeling like being worthy of his love, and I suppose this paranoia about him um like probably feeling more attracted to to someone else than to me because of what I looked like, and I guess you know, I just went on a huge journey with that, and yeah, yoga was one of the the things that really helped me like have that acceptance, have that love for my body, like you're you were saying, really, for what it is able to do for me. Um actually realizing like what I look like is the least interesting thing about me. And what I what I also find interesting when I look back on that time is like so much of my energy was focused upon that and like quelling my appetite um for food and yeah, therefore for life, actually, because if you're so focused on what you look like and you know, eating 1200 calories a day, like it's diverting your energy from the stuff that really matters. But I just think there's been this thing since the beginning of time of like women not being able to trust their appetite or being ashamed of eating and owning their appetite. Um, you know, I don't know if anyone's been on a date, like maybe it's a first date with someone, and like the thing that you really want to order on the menu, and you don't you're you're fearing the judgment of the other person, and so you like you order a chicken salad or something like that, like yeah, I've I've definitely been that person, but it's it's just dampening your whole desire for life, and there is a link definitely between appetite and eating and like your sexual desire and yeah, the desire for like the the bigger things in your life, and I really believe like a lot of that programming it is through religion and the you know the story of Eve, where she's the first woman created, first thing she does is eat the fruit off the tree. This causes them to be Adam and Eve to be kicked out of the Garden of Eden, and then Adam's like, it wasn't me, it was her. Like she a fruit, wasn't me. Um, and so there's this shame for you know what did Eve really desire? Well, one of the things was like true, like having true sexual union with a person, which you you know, we can only do in a human body. Um, so there's shame there around sexuality, around appetite. Um and this is even though you know you might not be religious and you might think, well, yeah, okay, I've heard the story of Eve, but I've completely disconnected it because, like, yeah, how it's sort of not a real story, it's about archetypes. Maybe you're feeling like, yeah, God is portrayed as this man in the sky that I can't really relate to, and therefore, I don't see how this story has impacted me, but it is so woven through our culture um and through our DNA. Like, we are the daughters of, you know, the daughters of the women that have gone before. Um, and I remember distinctly sitting around the table on a Sunday afternoon with my family, like my mum and dad. I was probably like 10, like maybe like Zoe's age now, and my grandparents are there, and it was like, you know, you'd have like a Sunday sort of afternoon tea, and it would be like all the most beautiful cakes and things that you didn't eat on an everyday basis, and so you would have like your one piece of cake, and then there'll be part of me that would like really want a piece of that other cake, and it would be like that it wasn't said like don't be greedy, but it sort of lived in the atmosphere around the table that you don't take more than you need, and you don't want other people to think you're greedy, so therefore you don't take the cake, and then it is kind of like that forbidden fruit thing of you want the thing that you know that you desire, but there's shame woven through that. So I think in our culture there is so much like shame and desire are so woven together in our DNA. Um, and so I think to like yourself, I think it's partly accepting as a human, as a woman, you have an appetite and it's not shameful to eat. And I think you know, therefore then owning your desire for the things that you want in life because what are you what are you fearful of being called? Is it greedy for wanting more? Is it selfish? You know, so I just think there's a lot there. If to like yourself, you've got to own the things that you desire, and some of those things are going to be intertwined with shame, like whether that is you know, like sexual shame, shame around food, um, shame around like wanting money uh or a bigger house, whatever it might be. And so I think we have to break the programming that exists around shame and desire.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Gosh, yeah, so much in what you said back, and like scribbling things down as you're talking. Um, and yeah, this shame is such a powerful and like pungent energy, and especially in like trauma-informed studies. Shame is where trauma breeds, is what they say. Um, and it's this differentiation between guilt and shame. So guilt is kind of maybe short term, like, oh, I did something bad, like but shame is I am a bad person, and I think this is where we can get, you know, I didn't like what I did versus I don't like who I am. There's this real like permanence about that, it becomes attached to identity, and shame is really responsible for that. And and where does shame come from? Shame, yeah, as you say, comes from this um idea of like doing something wrong, of critical, of punishing, um, and then attaching that to identity, right? Um, and a lot of the time the problem with shame is like the secrecy. We feel ashamed, so it becomes a secret, and then the minute something is a forbidden fruit, like it's more exciting, it's more attractive, so we do it again, so then we reinforce the shame cycle, and now we convince ourselves that we're a bad person because we didn't even do it once, we've done it a few times because it became a forbidden fruit. And honestly, this is where shame just breeds like uh yeah, darkness is like the only way I can describe it. And so, especially when you're looking at like trauma-informed work, it's about bringing these things into light, removing the shame, bringing compassion and empathy, and going, I get that. I think you know, I would have done the same, or anyone would have done the same, or some people would have done the same. I can totally understand why you got to the point that you did and you took that action. That empathy and that compassion dissolves the shame and the secrecy and the hiding and then the repetitive cycles of the forbidden fruit. So it's really about yeah, trying to just bring compassion to whatever has happened, bring it into light to relieve the shame and the secrecy around it because it's when we are not seeing, they always say like trauma is not the event itself. Trauma is being alone with any event. So we think of trauma and people think, Oh, but I haven't been to war. Oh, but you know, these things didn't happen to me. But it's like when were you alone with something that you found really Really difficult. That's where trauma lives. It's an healing is an interpersonal relationship where it's when we are able to share, when we are met with compassion, that the shame dissolves, that we start to heal these trauma loops, which when they are unhealed, we are just constantly on, we're hyper-vigilant, we feel like we're not safe. Um, and it's this highly critical voice. And so I think that's you know, it's a bit full circle. It's like, yes, I was brought up in a very highly critical environment. And as you say, as I learnt yoga, as I fully embodied like that, that is a nonsense. There is no label inside me that says I'm not good enough as I am, I am enough as I am, and I can understand why I took whatever actions I did and did what I did. I found compassion for myself. Like, I am no longer critical of myself, and so like you come to like yourself because there is this compassion for yourself and understanding why you've done things, and it and if you can meet yourself in that way, obviously then you're able to meet others in that way. But when you are highly critical on yourself because of how you've been brought up, you know, you can become highly critical on other people. So of course the work always starts with you. Um, and I think like interesting what you're talking about almost the reclamation, reclamation of like pleasure, of wanting. You know, when we remove shame, then we're like, oh my god, okay, but if I don't need to feel shameful about this, I'm gonna go to town, right? Like, I'm gonna eat the cake, I'm gonna have the sex, I'm gonna do the thing because there is no shame around it. And there's this classic, like, pendulum thing, isn't there? Where you're kind of like, okay, and we just trying on a new way of being. And then, and maybe we settle further end one end of the spectrum, who cares? Like, whatever feels good for you. But usually there's a settling, isn't there? There's a journey of then coming back from deprivation, depriving yourself to reclamation, to like maybe gorging a little bit on what you haven't allowed yourself to have, and then a settle in the middle of actually, this is enough, enoughness. Um, and that kind of where Santosha and contentment lives, probably having experienced maybe both ends of that pendulum journey, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yeah, and I think you know, in a way, that's what the human experience is about, isn't it? Is the ability we're in a human body, we can experience these extremes, and so then our soul learns through that experience, uh, and that's actually can be a beautiful thing, you know. So, yeah, I like that idea of the pendulum, and and I think it always does come back to balance and trying to meet yourself in the middle, and I think when you can stop seeing that, like when you stop rejecting yourself, the end of self-rejection is the beginning of self-love, of liking yourself. And so when you're no longer rejecting those parts of yourself, I think it's easier to settle in the middle of where you are. I think also like there's a massive problem in our culture around women being believed as well. Um, you know, when you think about things like sexual abuse and trauma, you know, even the way headlines are written, like if a woman is raped, it is always this woman was raped, and like after a night out or something like that, rather than it being like this man raped a woman. Um, I saw a poster on Instagram the other day, and it was kind of saying how uh, you know, like there's always ways written down, and we teach our daughters like ways to protect yourself, like always have your keys or like carry pepper spray or like don't wear things that are gonna attract attention. And this post kind of totally flipped it, and it was saying, like, if you're a man, don't go out alone in case you might get the urge to rape a woman. It was like totally turning it round. And I suppose where I'm going with that is women can feel because women aren't believed and are made to feel like it's their fault, there can then be shame around thing like trauma that didn't it was not their fault. Um, and like that sort of victim blaming that can happen. And you know, like that goes back to the story of Eve in a way, because yeah, she was blamed for the fall of humanity, which is essentially the beginning of Kali Yuga, like imagine being a woman, and then like she just gets blamed for everything, and you know, it said because of Eve and descending in consciousness that that happened for humanity, which is what happens in Kali Yuga in this cycle of time, um that women forevermore will feel pain in childbirth, and then you know, childbirth gets medicalized, and you you know you were talking about on on your training of like then the shame around maybe your birth of your baby not being what you planned for or what you wanted it to be as well, and so I think women are way, way more programmed and receptive to the energy of shame than men are because of the way, because of patriarchy and the way our culture is as well. And I think we're seeing a massive rise in the reclamation of femininity at the moment, and I think there's going to be a massive, I think it's already beginning, um, but this backlash to beauty standards and to anti-aging because yeah, like all of those standards, what what are they rooted in? You know, uh meeting the male gaze and trying to look young, which is actually like pretty disgusting when you think about it. So I think there's going to be this massive backlash of women that are like reclaiming the naturalness of who they are, no longer feeling shame for getting older or their bodies changing, and actually embracing the amazingness of what it is to be a woman and have a woman's body and be able to, even if you don't, if you're not a mother and you don't have a baby, it's like having that womb and that ability to create from your womb space, whether it is a child or you know, a business, a project, a create, you know, this creative energy that is so inherent within woman. Um, yeah, I think there's going to be a huge backlash to that, and it's interesting. Like, I feel a lot more women speaking into that now, but it's sort of being countered by this huge trend of like women being on um things like a Zempic as well.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Yeah, it's so interesting when you talk back. It's like we've spoken about shame, but what we're talking about then is blame. You know, shame and blame, and how blame is almost the thing that fuels shame, right? And shame is the breeding ground for trauma. So, like the blaming aspect of all this is just so toxic, really critical, unforgiving, lacks compassion. Um, absolutely, when we look at promiscuity and women, I mean, uh I studied English at university and we did um forensic linguistics, and we looked specifically at rape cases in court and what was thrown out, what was the language used, and it was all around blame. Um, the sense that somebody was asking for it by wearing lipstick or whatever it might be. And yeah, there's some wonderful, you know, I know Instagram can be full of rubbish, but there are some really powerful videos on there. I saw one the other day about, you know, well, it's just like because you dress a certain way, you're asking for it, and so you get it, and then it's your fault. And it was just hilarious how they took the piss out of that, you know, it's like walked into an office looking like the CEO with CEO round your neck, and it's like, I'm asking for it, so obviously I'm just gonna get it because that's how it works, right? And just taking the mick out of that, you know, turning up to the office in a bikini with your rubber ring. Well, I'm asking for a holiday, so I'm gonna get it, right? That's what happens. Like how ridiculous it is that we can get blamed for, you know, appearing a certain way and therefore it's our fault what happens to us. And I think, you know, all the stuff with yeah, the manosphere at the moment and ridiculing that toxic masculinity, um, coupled with what you're saying around, yeah, looking young and having to look perfect, you know, then we've got Jeffrey Epstein, and it's like how disgusting it is to be, you know, uh harming young children. So we've got this really interesting resurgence in the reclamation of femininity, but also, you know, of a kind of disgust at the young. And so, yes, both of those things playing into like being more feminine without the blame, plus reclaiming age, removing beauty standards, like it feels like we could be at a really exciting point where these things come together, and like hopefully, authenticity is the is the output, and we start getting rid of all this toxicity. Um, and and yeah, so I think you know, does it when it comes down to liking ourselves, like when a lot of the shame and the blame starts to dissolve? Hopefully, that will be an easier path culturally as well, because we won't have all that cultural influence telling us other ways. Um, so what what we have spoken about a little bit there though, Beckett, um, and we could probably go into it a little bit more in terms of like, do we like ourselves, and then what happens from a body perspective when we don't like ourselves, and why maybe subconsciously we almost make ourselves unlikable to the public eye. And why, where does that come from? And is that even in our chart? Is that a carryover from a past life? Like, what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Yeah, I think it I mean it can definitely live in your chart, and I def I believe that you know, we do choose the body that is going to serve us the best in this lifetime, and I think yeah, there have been studies that show, you know, if you're in a bigger body and you've always struggled with your weight, um, like why is that often it can be because there has been trauma in this lifetime, but also probably past lifetimes as well, where maybe you were sexualized or something like that, that there is safety in you know having more body fat for in lots of lots of reasons, perhaps you know, because of the conditioning in society, it makes you less desirable. Um, I don't I'm not saying that's what I believe, but I'm saying that is some of the programming in society, and I think even if you've had lifetimes of um I don't know, like where food was lacking, uh and in this lifetime, like maybe part of the healing is to eat more food, right? So then that's gonna have an impact on your body because of like the pen pendulum effect that you were talking about. And also I've read for people where it has really looked like slavery and not having access to food in their chart in past lifetimes, and then that has echoed through this lifetime because they're doing what is comfortable because it's what they know of things like anorexia and eating disorders as well. Um, even though, of course, it's not comfortable for the human body, but it's the programming within their chakra system and their psyche uh that that comes through. Um and yeah, there isn't always like cause and effect in this lifetime, you know, where you could clearly say, Yeah, it was this thing that caused me to have an eating disorder. Maybe there, maybe there is that. Um, but maybe there isn't, and it and it it's something unknown. Um, and I think things like that can show up in your birth chart, which yeah, I think even having validation of that can be quite healing for people as well. So yeah, it can it can certainly show up in your chart in that way.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

I remember um when I was studying psychology reading about obesity, and it always it really shocked me. I remember when I read it that um so people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse are up to two and a half times more likely to develop obesity in adulthood. Um and it was this like big meta-analysis that found that up to 30 to 50 percent of people with obesity report some form of child abuse. Now that doesn't have to be sexual abuse, it is child abuse. Um but in people with severe obesity, so like BMI, like a 40 plus, um, the rates of childhood sexual abuse can be as high as 40 to 70 percent in some clinical examples. So, and they say it's like what's called a dose-response relationship. So basically, the more severe or repeated the trauma, the higher the likelihood of obesity. And the idea that this is coming from not wanting to be seen. Um, so it's the idea, and it shows up consistently in trauma work that many survivors describe weight gain as like a buffer or a barrier or a distance from attention, um, wanting to kind of be a bit visible. Um, if I'm less attractive or less visible, I'm safer. And again, you know, being really clear that this is not the opinion that we subscribe to, but that this is sort of general study and consensus that people try and make themselves almost less attractive in some way so that they don't get attention because it feels safer. Whether that shows up as anorexia or whether that shows up as obesity, there's something going on around trying to become less visible because it feels too risky to be seen. Um, and obviously there's the added layer that trauma usually involves like a lack of control, like something happened to you that was out of your control. And so the uh ripple effect of that is a real need to control going forward because it wasn't safe when you weren't in control, and this is where we can see the control around food because food is something that we can control, and so much of life feels uncontrollable. Um, that it's quite a sort of natural reaction to that from a trauma perspective. So, yeah, you know, I know we we veer a little bit away from do I like myself, but I think we're looking at the root of, you know, if it's body related and having some compassion for like why the body is showing up in the way it is in the first place, because that is a really natural response to trauma. Um, and I think for always it's like knowledge is power. You bring these things into light when we understand them, then we can find more empathy and more compassion for ourselves, and that is the kind of healing aspect of it. So, yeah, I think it's interesting. I mean, I was with um a lady the other day, and she has had some past life aggressions, and she um has really struggled with relationships in this lifetime. Um, and she in her past life aggression she was a prostitute. And so it's almost this idea that, like, is there a sort of um uh repentance, you know, or a punishment or an idea that, you know, well, in this lifetime, then I'm not gonna, I'm gonna deprive myself of a relationship because I'm not worthy of one or something like that. And there can be these energetic hangovers um that the soul can kind of carry that charge through to this lifetime, can't it? And if, yes, if we have been deprived of the f of food previously, then maybe there is this sort of insatiable hunger in this lifetime. Um, so I think it's really interesting to sort of have all the parts of the puzzles to look at to help understand yourself. Um, because yeah, I think it's it's becomes easier to find compassion, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Hmm. I think with what you were saying, with that example of being a prostitute in a past life, I think you know, with stuff like karma, it's really important to come at it from a uh not from a blame and um having to pay off a debt in this lifetime because I I truly believe like your higher self and God, the universe, whatever you believe, is a benevolent force. And yes, like you're right, there's a hangover in this lifetime, but the way to cure that hangover is always through love and compassion, and not it's not like she's gonna have to pay off a debt and therefore not have a relationship in this lifetime, but it's like okay, knowing this about yourself, how can you learn to love yourself? How can you learn to accept that part of you? Because in past lifetimes, we've all done everything, we've all had good past lives, and we've all done things as well. Like, there's hallmarks in my chart for sure, around like black magic and things like that. And you know, it doesn't mean in this lifetime that I need to repeat that or I need to like only do good things, it is yeah, it's kind of like this energetics that needs balancing, but truly the only way to do it is to like meet yourself with the love and the acceptance for for who you are and everything that you've been. Um, and I think you know, even with some of the horrible things that we read in the newspapers, you know, you said about the Epstein files, but I actually believe that is a massive uh trigger for humanity awakening for us to read those things and see that those awful things have happened to people. Um, everyone is playing their part in that, and consciousness is going to rise as a result of it, and that might be like quite a hard concept to get your head around because there's been serious suffering in all of that, but I think it's also like adding the the lens that at least the suffering is not in vain because consciousness is rising, people are realizing you know the world isn't what they thought it was necessarily. Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Yeah, completely understand. I think it's about if ever there was confusion, if ever anyone was unsure as to what is okay and what is not okay, when we have these like absolutely abhorrent examples, it if anything, I think it's almost it puts it in concrete, that is not okay, you know, and and I think that's useful because especially you know with two boys when we look at the stuff with the manosphere. Like if ever there was confusion as to like, well, is that yeah, maybe that is, suddenly you go, absolutely not, you know, and and hopefully it pushes us the other way, where we just go, you know, it is about respect and it is about actually exampling the bad sometimes so that we know what not to do, right? As awful as it is that that means people have suffered, like if it can turn in the way that we know what to avoid, then in a way that is uh saving humanity, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think you know, with the manosphere stuff, these the men on there like acting so much like they love themselves. But what I see is yeah, a lot of fear. Um, you know, they're the first generation that are don't have their place in the world known in a way because we are moving away from like patriarchy, and yeah, they don't know what to do with themselves, and they've sort of created this whole new reality, and this and I just think they're so fearful of oh my god, like you know, if patriarchy is crumbling and it's no longer about the masculine controlling everything, God, what if women end up in charge and treat us like we've treated them for the last 2,000 plus years? Oh my god, you know, and it's like a lask last clinging on for control. Um and yeah, I think you know, their hatred in a way for Women that clearly shows up, you know, it's the rejection of their own inner feminine qualities that that's exactly what is going on, and they have to reclaim those parts of themselves. So yeah, I think it's just such an interesting time. Like we chose to be alive at this time with all this crazy stuff happening uh to support humanity moving through this massive global awakening that's happening.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

Totally. And what is the work that we do on our teacher trainings, day in, day out, is you're enough as you are.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

What I see is these young boys like screaming for approval, screaming for like respect me, like shouting from the rooftops, I'm amazing. Like, why? Because you do not believe that you're enough as you are, just being normal, kind, respectful, like it's just sad that they they evidently do not feel that they are enough as they are, so they have to do all these hideous overcompensatory behaviours. And it's like the really simple route to all of these complexities is that complete belief that we are enough as we are from the very get-go, and that anything telling us otherwise to that is an untruth, and not to allow that to take hold because that's when all the toxicity then breathes from that untruth, you know.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Yeah, yeah, I think that's just the perfect sum up, really. You are enough as you are. We can desire things and want to call things into our life to maybe, you know, it's part of our mission, our purpose, things that we want to experience, but you're always enough exactly as you are in the moment that you meet yourself.