Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In

#8 Transforming Negative Emotions: The Gradient Method

• Sari Stone • Season 1 • Episode 8

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The Gradient Method offers a powerful alternative to forcing positivity when stuck in negative emotions, allowing you to gradually climb the emotional scale step by step instead of making impossible leaps. This episode explores how emotions create reality through the law of resonance, providing practical techniques to shift your frequency and attract what you truly desire.

• Real-life examples of coaching clients using the gradient technique to move from anger to acceptance
• Step-by-step process for identifying the next best-feeling emotion when you can't immediately feel positive
• How to locate emotions in your body and process them physically for complete release
• The journey from pain to peace following emotional trauma
• Why the brain resists change and how to work with your neural pathways instead of against them
• Scientific explanation of neuroplasticity, the reticular activating system, and mirror neurons
• Practical affirmations to help train your brain for new emotional patterns
• Understanding that your desires exist because they're meant for you

Join me in the Change Masterclass launching in early April, where you'll get the tools, guidance and support to create lasting shifts in your life. Stay tuned for more details next week.


Thank you for joining me!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Just Count Me In, a podcast about coming home to yourself and finding your expression, figuring out who exactly you came here to be also known as living your best life. I'm Sari Stone and I'll be your host. Have you ever felt stuck in some negative emotions and just not able to think positive and move on? You're not alone. In this week's episode of Transform your Life, just Count Me In, I'm sharing a powerful technique that's actually going to help you shift your emotional state step by step. It's called the gradient method. It's something I've been doing with kids and adults for years now and it's a game changer. Basically, instead of forcing positivity, you gradually climb up the emotional scale, turning frequency that actually aligns with exactly what you want. So if you're struggling with negative emotions, instead of forcing positivity, maybe try some of these steps. Trying to force yourself to be positive when you're angry, hurt or overwhelmed rarely works. In this episode, you're going to learn how your emotions actually can create your reality the law of resonance and a step-by-step process that's going to help you move from frustration to being a little bit more peaceful. Albert Einstein said we can't solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. I think he was on to something. I think he knew about the law of resonance. I think he knew that we attract and tune in to the frequency not of what we want but of what we are.

Speaker 1:

So I've got just the best job in the world and I love, love the people that I work with. And I was working with a girl this week. I asked her permission if I could share the story and she said yes, such an inspiration to me and it was actually perfect. Because she was angry. I mean, she was mad, and we don't play a game when I coach or when I'm tutoring about, you know, putting this bandaid of positivity. Sometimes, you know, you get ticked off, you get triggered. It happens to everybody. It's what you get triggered. It happens to everybody. It's what you do with it. Okay, it's what you do with it that determines the outcome. So I thought this is a great opportunity. So I'm glad she admitted that she was mad, because I could clearly see it and we talked a little bit about this.

Speaker 1:

Um, we talked about she was trying to just flip the script. She was trying to just take it and make her thought to be happy, to choose happy, and granted, I've tried plenty of times myself. I do believe sometimes I can choose, I can practice. You know what would it feel like to feel joy and then I think of something joyful and I practice feeling joy, but I also get pulled back and get triggered and she just could not get the joy happening. She was mad and I was talking to her and I said to her you know, when you try to control your thoughts, because you need to control them, you're not really in the best place normally. You're not really in the best place normally and you can't get there from there. Okay, when you can take charge and make choices about the way you feel, regardless of the situations as they currently exist, and almost get the feeling of the situation as if it exists, even when physically it doesn't, then the situation will change. So when you can take charge of the way you feel, regardless of what you're seeing with your eyes in front of you as they exist, the situations as they exist will change.

Speaker 1:

We decided to try something called a gradient and I used gradients when I taught elementary school to expand kids vocabularies, their writing vocabulary, and then I started using it with feelings to kind of pull myself up like I was climbing a rope to pull myself up out of a funk, choosing the next best feeling when I couldn't choose the exact feeling that I wanted to have. I just didn't have it. Sometimes I couldn't flip from feeling devastated about something to feeling peaceful and calm without going through some type of internal process. So I decided to share it with her and it worked really well. So here I wish that we had recorded it. Here was her process.

Speaker 1:

So she started out really, really furious, just like sitting in it, definitely mad. And then I asked her okay, so be with that for a minute. What's a little bit less extreme than that? What's like if you're climbing up a rope, you're pulling yourself up a rope. What's the next rung up? And she said, annoyed. I could be annoyed. Maybe I'm not really that furious about it, maybe I'm actually just annoyed, and so I let her feel the annoyance. We didn't talk about why she was annoyed, because we don't want to keep giving it power.

Speaker 1:

We wanted to let it move and I asked where she felt it in her body, how big it was. What let it move? And I asked where she felt it in her body, how big it was, what color it was. It kind of got smaller at that point. Then I asked her okay, what? Take another grab, grab with your left hand, grab with your right hand. What's the next feeling up? What's a little bit better than annoyed, but still giving credit to your original feeling. But it's kind of fading behind you now, isn't it? And it was? It was kind of like the wake of a boat. And she said frustrated. I think, frustrated really, I'm frustrated, I'm really not furious anymore at all, I'm just frustrated because.

Speaker 1:

And then she went on, we talked about it a little bit and I asked her you know, where are you feeling that in your body? And if it had a color, what color would it be and how big would it be and would it be a dense energy? And so we talked about that for a very little while and I asked her if you're climbing up that ladder, what's next? And she said just unhappy. I was just not happy that things worked out like this. And I said, yeah, you're unhappy, where do you feel that in your body?

Speaker 1:

And we talked about that and she located it and gave it a color. And it helps us because energy is in our body. We're energetic beings and kids and adults can both see inside of themselves where they're feeling something. So she located that feeling and actually it became pretty transparent, kind of dissipated like a fog, which was good. And she said I feel like I've I don't know whether I am letting it go or whether I'm just trying to think about it a little bit differently. And I said I don't know what are you doing. And she said I feel like I'm accepting it. And I thought okay, this is who we're really getting somewhere.

Speaker 1:

And she sat with that for a little while and processed it and she said maybe this is the way it is and it could be a little bit simpler. So either I can choose to get myself out of this situation or, if it's a situation that's being imposed on me which it was being imposed on her at the time, meaning it was a school or authority-based situation she decided that she would have to think about it a different way and flip the script with what she was saying to herself. And she did and her biggest realization was I'm okay either way. It's not okay maybe. It's maybe just not okay with me that this happened, but I actually am okay either way.

Speaker 1:

We have a tendency to say oh, it's okay, it's okay when it's not okay. I don't think we should make it okay if something's not okay with us. I think if we can't figure out a reason or maybe we don't even want to try to figure out a reason, we can it's okay for us to say it's not okay, but I'm still okay, and that's that's the art of it. That's taking charge of the way you feel, regardless of what you're seeing in front of you, of the way you feel regardless of what you're seeing in front of you, and then actually you'll start to see a shift in your situation. So one of the ways that we can look at things when we're going through change, I mean you planted those seeds, you cleared space, and then you think you're done and maybe something came up. Maybe nothing came up yet.

Speaker 1:

To me, being in that place of letting go and knowing that I was at the right energetic frequency for it to come to me, and I did everything that I needed to do on the doing side and now I'm being on the being side the lesson is trust, and when I trust in the process and trust in the universe and trust in that law of resonance, it always works out for me and things do always work out for me. So another example that comes to mind is an example very, very beautiful young woman I'm working with had gone through a very difficult situation, a difficult breakup this winter, and healed and is in the process of healing, and I wanted to just share a little bit of her process, as she explained it to me, with you. So when she was feeling at the bottom, and feeling at the bottom of that deep well, she knew that she wouldn't stay there forever, thankfully, thankfully. And she knew the desired state. The change that she wanted was for her to just enjoy life without all this thinking, all this pain, just live in synchronicity with her life, live in the flow of her life, feel trusting about things. But at that point, when she was at that feeling, trying to solve her problem, in that state, it was just futile to try to flip a light switch on. She needed to go through the steps and it's often in the journey that the greatest healing happens with us. The greatest healing happens with us. So the first step that she did was she focused on just her body and she said, okay, what is it that I need to do to take care of my body at this point? Let's just get my physical needs met, my survival needs met. Let's make sure that I'm putting the right food into my body. Let's make sure that I'm getting enough sleep and that I'm getting enough sun, if I need sunshine for my melatonin production. And really got pretty scientific with what she needed to do with her body, made sure she was exercising and activated her own pharmacy in between her ears, you know. Basically she activated her brain chemicals.

Speaker 1:

Then a lot of feelings came up. So she still wasn't at that place and still in pain and after a while she started to realize that you know what we talk about it, but sure it's a whole lot easier for us to talk about it right now than when we're in the muck of it, you know. And she realized that she had to just lean in to the feelings that she was having. And this is one of my least favorite things to do with myself. I'm okay at guiding other people with it, but even then it kind of grimaces when I say lean in. But I know, I know that it's true that you've got to feel it to heal it, and that's not just a cliche, you really do, or else it just keeps coming up in other forms to get your attention. So we spent some time leaning into those feelings and figuring out what it was and really feeling the pain. And then she came out on the other side of it and kind of worked her way up. So it's the same process. It's like what's the next best feeling up? So it's the same process. It's like what's the next best feeling? The next best feeling from pain.

Speaker 1:

Choosing pain over a situation is accepting the situation for what it is and what it was. And then that point she knew she survived, leaning in, she allowed her feelings to have voice, she allowed her emotions to take over when they needed to and she came to like this peaceful place in the storm, kind of like the feeling you get if you've cried really, really hard and you're all wound up and then you just let go and you get that calm feeling, like a calm after a storm, almost Like the birds will come out and start singing again and the lump in your chest and in your throat starts to dissolve and you feel that acceptance and in your throat starts to dissolve and you feel that acceptance. And so she felt acceptance of what happened and acceptance of the fact that she made it through it, and that feeling of peace and calm was helping her and it was becoming more familiar. And we know the brain likes familiar. Your brain is like a guard dog and it's going to bark at your new changes because they're not familiar. You're going to have to just talk to your brain and say, hey, thanks a lot for trying to keep me safe. I really appreciate you. But this is actually good for me, kind of like when you have a person come to your house. Okay, stay with me on this one.

Speaker 1:

So we had a dog and she barked and she would carry on and it would take a little while before she would calm down and I would be saying it's okay, which is not what you're supposed to say when they're barking. But we learned that later. I was just trying to reason with her like she was a person and say this person's a friend, it's okay, like, let up, you know, it's just not familiar to you. And then after a while, within about a year, our dog would let that person in, even if we weren't home, and be fine, tail wagging, all happy. Where's my treat? I know you, so your mind is the same way. Happy, where's my treat? I know you, so your mind is the same way and what she was experiencing was this anxiety when she was moving forward to unfamiliar territory. And that anxiety I had to explain to her is just the brain thing. It's the brain likes familiar, it likes to keep us safe. It's a primitive instinct and we have to just explain to it when it's acting up, you know this actually is safe, give it appreciation and then move on so that the familiar, the unfamiliar which is the new practice becomes familiar and the dog stops barking.

Speaker 1:

So she started becoming more familiar and stepping into what she felt was a little bit of comfort zone, with feeling peaceful and calm. And we were doing internal work, we were doing visualizations, we were doing meditations together. She definitely was very talented as far as going in and seeing what was going on in her body and in her brain. Just the perfect mix of genius and a beautiful soul in one body, just really a gift to the world. So she started getting this willingness, this openness to open up, to change. I guess she figured on some level well, I've tried everything else and it didn't work. And then the next rung up on the ladder or up on the rope, if you're climbing up out of something. Is that willingness to open up to the change. So are you willing to open up to the change that you actually said you wanted to make in your life and pay the price that there could be for that? Because we often get payoffs from behaviors that keep us safe Unpleasant as it sounds, there's often a payoff. So facing that is also essential.

Speaker 1:

From there she moved from willing and wanting to allowing, and that's kind of where we are right now is just allowing those seats to take, plant more of that divine feminine energy and let's just see what comes up. Because what we want is the feeling of what we actually said we wanted. So let's say I said I wanted a lot of money. Really, if I did the five whys and narrowed it down, it would be freedom and generosity, because I feel free when I have money and I feel very generous when I have money and I love those feelings. So then joy is in there too. So I don't put an exact number on things. I don't put an exact outcome on things. What I try to do when I'm working with people is tap into what the feeling is behind it. And the feeling behind what this young lady wanted was light, free, confident, trusting, living in synchronicity, and she is definitely pulling that in right now and she's starting to notice all over the place how everything is actually unfolding for her, even in the weirdest of circumstances that someone else might look at and say I don't know why you would think that's happening for you. She is seeing it. I hope that you enjoyed listening to the transformation that took place with these two young ladies lives.

Speaker 1:

I use a mix of approaches. I'm not one size fits all in anything in my life, especially when I'm coaching, and the first was an example of a shift that actually took her between 10 and 15 minutes minutes. And the second client is an example of a shift to learn multiple methods and shifted over a few months, recovering from a major life trauma. Everything we want exists at some level and that's why it's tapping on us. That's why it's saying, hey, you might want to do this. It already exists. It's just waiting for us to align up properly and clear what we need to clear and flow towards it and become it. So I know this is a lot to take in, but once we align and once we shift, once we have that right energetic frequency going, we are already the thing that is calling us. Your desires are things that already are here and came here to be a part of your experience, and that's why you're feeling them.

Speaker 1:

Here's some affirmations that you might want to try this week. Take a couple deep breaths in and out. I am subscribed to abundance. I receive with ease Everything that I need comes to me, and all that I need to know is revealed to me. Luck follows me. Love always finds me. So if any of these resonate with you, I would suggest writing them on your mirror with a marker, or putting them on the dashboard of your car somewhere where you're going to see them once a day, because there's a lot of power in repetition and you're training your brain.

Speaker 1:

The reason this works, combined with visualizing and embodying the feeling of the change that you want to be part of your life, is there are a few different reasons. So what we've learned the last 25-30 years about brains is that there's neuroplasticity, and when doing this, you're actually rewiring your brain for success, because your brain doesn't know the difference between what actually happened and what you're imagining. It feels the same and the same neurons wire and fire. Also, there is the reticular activating system called the RAS, and that's the part of your brain that will predispose you to seeing what you're focused on. So, for example, if I'm thinking right now I'm looking at a bunch of trees, and if I think where's the green in the room, when I turn around, when I'm finished with this, I will probably notice green more in the room. So that's the network in your brainstem and it's the gatekeeper for information. Actually, it gets rid of unnecessary data and focuses on what you think is important. Another reason why these work is mirror neurons, because it's what we reflect, it's learning by imitation and when we are feeling this, and it's how athletes have used this for a long time. They use mental imagery before they compete, because the brain prepares the body as if it's actually happening. So just a few reasons the why. I'm a person that likes to know why I'm doing this.

Speaker 1:

So here are some questions for you, and feel free to pause and answer as we go. So can a time come to mind that you tried to shift your emotions but felt stuck? Can you identify a time when your emotions evolved naturally, step by step? Right now, what emotion are you feeling? Where do you feel it in your body? If you were climbing an emotional ladder, what's one step higher than where you are right now, and the big one for all of us. How can you trust the process more in your own life today?

Speaker 1:

So, in this episode of Transform your Life, just count me in. We dove into the law of resonance and how your frequency actually determines your reality. I'm hoping that you got some tips on how to shift your emotions gradually, using a gradient technique to align with the energy of what you truly want. I shared some real-life coaching insights with you, actual cases where people navigated anger, frustration and actually healed from their emotional pain. So, whether you're facing personal struggles, relationship challenges or looking to attract a positive change, this episode offers practical tools for your transformation. I hope you're walking away with some suggestions and a fresh perspective on change and a good framework to help you make some decisions that can transform your life in ways that you haven't even imagined yet. Decisions that can transform your life in ways that you haven't even imagined yet.

Speaker 1:

So spring is the season of renewal, it's growth, it's new beginnings. So why not make this your season for transformation? I invite you to step into this journey with me and let's plant the seeds of change together. Join me in the Change Masterclass launching in early April, where you'll get the tools, guidance and supports to create lasting shifts in your life. Stay tuned for more details next week. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you like this episode, please let me know. Stop by at social media, on Instagram or my Facebook page. Just count me in and please leave a comment. If there's anybody that you think could benefit from this episode, please forward it to them, and I look forward to seeing you next time. We're all in this together.