Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
Just Count Me In is a podcast designed to help us navigate and flow with our lives through conscious awareness. When we live with less resistance and more receptivity it is easier to express who we came here to be and enjoy life. We are all walking each other home.
Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
#13 Breaking the Misunderstanding Cycle
Has someone ever completely misunderstood what you were trying to say? That moment of disconnect can feel isolating, frustrating, and even painful. What if I told you this common struggle could actually become a gateway to deeper connection?
The fear of being misunderstood runs deep for many of us. We over-explain, second-guess our words, or hold back entirely. During this transformative episode, we explore why miscommunication happens so frequently and how to break free from this pattern. From our culture's reliance on sarcasm to our tendency to speak to the "ghosts" of who people used to be rather than who they are now, we unpack the complex factors that create disconnection in our conversations.
Drawing wisdom from Brené Brown and years of coaching experience, I share practical strategies for clearer communication that honors both yourself and others. Learn how to check your intentions before speaking, paraphrase effectively, and courageously express what you're thinking when you feel misunderstood. These approaches have transformed my relationships and can do the same for yours.
This spring season symbolizes new beginnings across many traditions. What better time to let go of old communication patterns and plant seeds for more authentic expression? When you step into your power by communicating clearly from your authentic self, you give others permission to do the same. Your voice matters, your truth is powerful, and your transformation has already begun. Just count yourself in.
Thank you for joining me!
Hey, welcome to Transform your Life. Just Count Me In the podcast where miracles meet mindset. I'm Sari Stone, a holistic coach and a heart-centered guide here to help you live a life aligned with purpose and spirit. Each week, we're going to take a deep dive into stories, insights and soulful strategies to help you clear out the clutter, find your truth and step into your inspired life. Today's episode is all about a challenge so many of us face being misunderstood, and how to turn that fear into a chance for real connection. Let's start. Welcome and thank you so much for joining me.
Speaker 1:I just came out of the most heavenly visit with my daughter and her husband and my little grandbabies and I'm just so thankful, so happy to be here. And we talked she's an expert about lunar education, so we were talking about how this moon is actually a prime opportunity for letting go of old patterns and letting go of old behaviors and planting the seeds that we want to come into fruition in our lives, for our new opportunities. And it's spring, I mean, it's Passover. That's about freedom. Easter is about new beginnings. Look all around you. It's life. So it's the cycle earth-wise and also the cycle astrologically, and I decided that I, my best bet is to get rid of the old pattern or the fear of being misunderstood. So, of course, no. Sooner did I decide that what does the universe give you? An opportunity that shows you, hey, this is what you're doing to be misunderstood. And if you've noticed, you could decide to do something. And as soon as you do that and you put it out into the universe, the universe is going to then give you what you need to clear to achieve that. So what could be perceived as an obstacle, I've realized now is like okay, this is what you have left to work on in that area, or one of the things. And it had to do with a conversation where I was immediately misunderstood.
Speaker 1:Misunderstood and I realized that it happens so often that there's a disconnect between our intentions and what we really mean to say and the other person's perception of what we said. And there's so much misunderstanding. And I'm wondering why is this such a problem? Why does this happen so much? I realize that parts of it have to do with our culture. Parts of it have to do with the fact that cynicism and sarcasm is so valued as an intellectual means of communication that sometimes there are some people I can't figure out what they're actually saying, because I have to ask them like are you just being sarcastic or for really, really mean this? And I think that's part of it. To be honest with you. Word choice is another thing. That another contributor. I think people are careless and I'm guilty also of not choosing our words carefully enough.
Speaker 1:And self-awareness meaning checking yourself at the gate like, hey, before I open my mouth, what's my intention in saying this? Why am I saying this? Do I feel my ego in it at all? Am I just trying to make myself right? Am I just trying to prove a point here? Or did I really even listen to what they had to say? Or am I just waiting for them to stop talking so that I can say what I want to say to make myself right? Often when that happens, I just end up pausing and not saying anything for a while and really doing a check because I want to make sure that I'm having honest, kind communication with people. So that's my part of it, that's my self-awareness part.
Speaker 1:The other part that I think is also our responsibility is to be aware of our audience, be aware of who we're talking, to. Be careful if you're talking to a new mom and their child is out of control in the grocery store. Maybe be careful if you're, you know, talking to somebody who's sensitive about their weight and you tell them how great they look, because you have to be careful of your wording. I've noticed, and I mean saying to somebody you know your hair looks great today. They could turn around and say, but what do you mean? It doesn't usually look good. I mean, and to somebody you know your hair looks great today, they could turn around and say, but what do you mean? It doesn't usually look good. I mean, and that's about them.
Speaker 1:But still still, you know, knowing who you're talking to, I'm not saying to walk on eggshells, but I'm saying, if you can feel out who you're talking to, part of it is on them and it's all on them how they interpret it. You know, I mean, and our perceptions are our own perceptions and it's our truth for us and nobody's arguing anything. I mean I can look at the house and say this house is trashed and my husband will just say to me this house looks like people live here and we're both right. Right, but like to me it definitely is trashed. To him it just looks like people live here and he doesn't want to live in a museum and I don't want to live with things cluttered all over the place. So I mean there's that too. So I mean it's knowing your audience and it's being sensitive to their body language and to your honest agenda.
Speaker 1:When you say things, I mean when you think about it. Even Jesus Christ was misunderstood. How many interpretations are there of the Bible? How many different ways do people interpret art? So some of it is out of our control. But since this podcast is about us, being more true is being true to ourselves and being more authentically ourselves and I say it and I mean it I would rather be disliked for who I am than loved for being somebody I'm not. So within that comes the responsibility that we communicate with people.
Speaker 1:Nonverbal is great and nonverbal communication is about 90% of our communication, and that's true. But the words that come out of our mouth definitely leave impressions and the odds are that the words I say somebody will say over and over and over again in their heads when they're thinking about me. So I try to be more mindful of that. So I wondered why these things are like, why we have such a problem with this, and I do think that some of it is societal, some of it is our form of entertainment, some of it is the cynical, sarcastic nature of things, of some things it's not really so much in my world, but I do see it and some of it is the communication, or lack thereof, that we see in movies. This all leaves an impression on us. Some of it is the music that we listen to, the words.
Speaker 1:Ultimately it's our responsibility, so we can play the blame game and disempower ourselves, or we can take the power ourselves and become more aware and more aware of others, and then it's less likely that you're going to be grossly misunderstood. It can still happen and, trust me, it can happen with your family. It can happen with people who have known you a long time. It's probably more likely to happen with people that have known you for a while, because they see you and they associate a certain identity with you and they associate a certain pattern with you, and sometimes they're really not hearing or seeing you for who you are in the moment anymore. They're not seeing you and they're not hearing you for who you are now. You're locked in this role of what you were five, ten, even two years ago, let alone 20 years ago and to the extent that they're not present and don't see you, and to the extent that I'm not present and don't see them, we are not communicating with the people that are standing in the room, we're communicating with ghosts of who we were. So it's just something else to be aware of Some of the ways that I've tried to work on this, because I have in the past had a huge fear of being misunderstood.
Speaker 1:I mean to where I would say every, I think probably three years in a row I've said, yeah, trying really hard to not like over-explain myself anymore, and then I over-explain why I'm trying to not over-explain, which is really bad, but I try to when I over-explain. Or if you're ever around an over-explainer, there should be an over-explainer's anonymous. In my opinion, it's just that we're trying to not be misunderstood and it is obnoxious to hear somebody over-explain, but on the other hand, no, it comes from an insecurity and a fear that you're not really hearing them. So what helps me is if somebody just says I get you or I heard that, or they'll repeat what I'm trying to get across, and then I'm quiet.
Speaker 1:One of the things that you can do is paraphrase, but not the old way, not like the 1980s way where I would say something and you know, I really don't like you in the color blue and I heard you say you don't like me in the color blue, like it's, it's not like that. That was pretty obnoxious, I think, for all all of us. And paraphrases have evolved and they become a little bit more. There's clarifying paraphrases, there's different ways to frame them, and I think it's easier and gentler if you can just say so you're saying blank, you know, and then say it. Or just to clarify this is what I think you're saying here. Or to mirror back what you've just said to me. And I just know because I know in coaching people respond in different ways to these things with the cognitive coaching and I think that that's really helpful. Just to make sure that we're clear on it.
Speaker 1:And if somebody says something that hurts you, I mean my favorite go-to is what made you say that? And I let them tell me you know, like what just happened that made you say that? You know, or you know, did you realize that that was hurtful to me? Because usually they don't, and then if they do, they're not my people anymore. I don't hang out with people that hurt me. So I mean, it happens by accident, but we clear it up. But I mean, if they're intentionally hurting me, no, not, we just move on. Too many good people in my life for that. So the most vulnerable one to try and this is only for people who you're very close with and who you trust and you can be vulnerable with I don't recommend that you do this with this person that you just met, or you can if you're brave. You're braver than me.
Speaker 1:Brene Brown actually came up with this and when I read it I fell in love with it and I told my husband this is what I'm going to do. When I'm worried about something or you say something and I'm, you know, upset about it don't know whether I'm just being insecure I'm going to say in my head this is what I'm saying. So in my head, when you look at me in the bathing suit, you're thinking, thinking man, she looked better 20 years ago. I mean, what a horrible thing. And he not thinking that at all. But in my head I couldn't tell and he was really thinking like I hope I'm not getting a work text right now, right, completely off, completely off. So that's just another thing that you could do.
Speaker 1:It does take a lot of vulnerability. You go right to your own pain point there and you leave yourself very wide open. But I can tell you, with your high stakes relationships, there's nothing like it, because most of those people don't mean to say something hurtful, they don't mean to say something critical, they don't mean to sound like they're arguing with you, so I would just get right to it. You know, it does take courage, but you've got to be brave. I mean it takes courage. It takes courage to just come home to yourself and embrace that space that surrounds you and just come home and trust yourself. And it takes courage also to have conflict sometimes, and the price you pay for avoiding conflict is often your own inner turmoil Just something else to chew on a little bit. Just something else to chew on a little bit. So if this is something that you ever deal with and if you've ever put your foot in your mouth or said the wrong thing to somebody or God forbid we've all done it. We've all hurt somebody without meaning to or said something that triggered someone and we can't figure out why.
Speaker 1:I'm hoping that this episode might have given you a couple of strategies to help you navigate this complex part of life and that's our verbal communication. And every morning, when I'm meditating, the last thing I always say is please, please, see through my eyes, hear through my ears. Let me hear the love and the truth in all things and let me speak my truth with love and show me why I'm here today. And I would invite you to do the same and see what happens, because by stepping more into your authentic self and communicating in a way that reflects what you're actually thinking and feeling, you step into your power, and when you do that, you give other people permission to do the same. And that's what we're here. We're here to be in our power. We're here to be expressing what came to express through us, and clear communication is part of it. So I hope this helped.
Speaker 1:So I hope this helped, and please DM me if you have anything that you are working on clearing up this spring and letting go of and if you would like help with anything. I love, love coaching, and I've got a couple slots available still in April. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. If something resonated with you or if you've ever felt misunderstood and you're ready to shift that story, I'd love hearing from you. Follow me on Instagram, saristone25,. Just count me in and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time, remember your voice matters, your truth is powerful and your transformation has already begun. Just count yourself in.