Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In

#15 Dancing With Fear - How to Move Beyond Fear of Success

• Sari Stone • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Fear of success often hides behind perfectionism, procrastination, and turning down opportunities we secretly desire. Without realizing it, we develop subconscious beliefs connecting success with negative outcomes, causing us to self-sabotage and play small even as we consciously pursue our goals.

• Our inner dialogue forms the blueprint of our lives, with subconscious beliefs running 90% of our behavior
• Fear of success often stems from childhood experiences or witnessing successful people encounter tragedy
• Society teaches us to "stay humble" and not shine too brightly, reinforcing our hesitation to succeed
• Success isn't something to chase—it's a natural byproduct of living aligned with your purpose
• When fear arises, thank it for trying to protect you rather than fighting against it
• Like swimming, growth means leaving the safety of the shallow end to experience the thrill of the deep
• Your success doesn't threaten others—it shows them what's possible
• Fear appearing means you're doing something meaningful; it's a growth light, not a stop light
• Special reflection prompts include identifying where fear of success appears and writing new affirmations
• Use the new moon energy to commit to one small action or mindset shift this month

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone you love who's been playing small but is ready to soar. If you're ready to dive deeper into this work, DM me and we'll talk about coaching together.


Thank you for joining me!

Speaker 1:

Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me again today. Welcome to Transform your Life. Just count me in. This is the place where miracles, mindset and mastery meet. So today we're going to dive into something that I work with a lot, with my students and my coaching clients and I've actually worked with it myself and I've actually worked with it myself.

Speaker 1:

It's something that might be holding you back without you even realizing it. It's actually fear of success Not failure, but success. In some of us there's a part that's actually scared of our own light and we're afraid, on some level, that success might change our relationships, raise expectations, force us to let go of the old versions of ourselves. And it can be pretty well. Let's just say it's not always obvious. When it's fear of success that's holding us back, it shows up in several different ways. So thank you for joining us. Let's dive in.

Speaker 1:

So fear of success is tricky. It doesn't always make an announcement. It's not always obvious. Sometimes I see it as procrastination. Sometimes it shows up as perfectionism. Other times it can look like when you can't take a compliment or even saying no to an opportunity of a lifetime, not because we're afraid we're going to fail, but because inside, a part of us is panicked that we're actually going to succeed.

Speaker 1:

The first time I noticed this fear in myself was back in eighth grade. I was put in the highest section. It was eight one and I absolutely begged and pleaded with my parents and my guidance counselor to move me back into the regular section. Why? Because back then being smart came with a negative label, like I was a nerd. I was some kind of brainiac. Who am I for showing off? And even today, the kids I coach tell me that that judgment still exists in schools. We don't always grow out of it. It just shows up in different ways in adulthood, in business and in our relationships.

Speaker 1:

Fear of success is confusing, but it's worth talking about because awareness changes everything. Our inner dialogue forms the blueprint of our lives. This we know. And if our subconscious has internalized a belief that success is pressure, success could be linked with loneliness, guilt or risk, then no wonder we hold ourselves back, no wonder we play small. We don't feel safe. Sometimes the roots go really deep with this and we know that the subconscious is running the show about 90% of the time. So, without paying attention to this, it's like we're doing the work from the outside in.

Speaker 1:

I prefer to go to the root cause and do it from the inside out when I coach. So maybe you, like me, saw a parent succeed and then experience something painful. In my case, my mom reached the height of her personal and professional power, had her own business, fell in love, had everything going for her and within two years got cancer and died, and she was barely 52. So this left a huge impact on me and at a young age my brain linked success to tragedy, without me even questioning it. We write these stories when we're children, when we're young, when we don't yet have the intellectual depth to realize that we're writing them and that they're then going to become the handbooks that we live our lives by. Unless we uncover them, we live by these old, outdated scripts.

Speaker 1:

So fear of success also has to do with external expectations from people and energy in our bodies, and it can also come in those ways. Society says stay humble, don't brag, don't make other people uncomfortable, don't blow yourself up too big right, don't be too big for your britches. But what if your light isn't meant to make others uncomfortable? What if it's really meant to show them what's possible? Wayne Dyer said that the only real failure is when we disconnect from our purpose and when we are aligned, when we live in alignment, when we're tapped into service and authenticity. Success is actually a natural byproduct of that. We don't have to chase it, we just become it.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do when fear still pops up? So I have a little trick that sounds kind of silly. Do when fear still pops up? So I have a little trick that sounds kind of silly but it works. I actually thank my fear, just like you'd reassure a dog. Hey, buddy, it's okay, I know you're scared of this new person, but like they're safe, you're safe. You'll get to know them and then you'll probably be best friends. I say to myself hey, thank you for trying to keep me safe. I've got this, I'm okay. It's just new. And new is okay Because success has never brought me misfortune. Success has never opened a door to tragedy or loss. Success has always led to more growth, more expansion, more joy and actually more love in my life. I think about it like swimming, and I was coaching a student about this a couple weeks ago. So I'm thanking her and I did thank her for giving me this.

Speaker 1:

When we first start, we stay where we can touch the bottom. It's familiar in the shallow, and it's familiar, it's safe. But if I stayed there forever, I'd never experience the thrill of diving into the deep and I wouldn't meet other people who could dive and play and grow with me. So I ask you, where are you still standing in the kiddie pool? Where are you capable of swimming? But you're clinging to the shallow because it's what's familiar to you. You're not going to lose anybody. That's really a friend. They're going to be happy for your growth. They're going to celebrate your success and if they don't let them go, they're not your people.

Speaker 1:

So take a breath now and wherever you are whether you're driving, walking, sitting just breathe. Inhale I am safe, I am free, I am safe, I am free, I am ready. Exhale I am safe, I am free, I am ready. Remind yourself, success follows me. I'm safe to succeed. I live grounded in my purpose and I rise in love. When I shine, I shine the way for others. When I rise, I lift myself and I lift all of those around me around me.

Speaker 1:

So when fear shows up again and again because it will it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Don't fight it, don't freeze. Learn to dance with the fear, seth Godin says, if it works, things are going to change, and that's scary, but fear doesn't mean you stop. Scary, but fear doesn't mean you stop. Fear means you're doing something meaningful. Fear means you're onto something. It's not a red light, it's a growth light. You don't need to kill fear, you just can't let it drive the car. So today, maybe maybe take a moment and ask yourself. Maybe maybe take a moment and ask yourself where am I ready to swim in the deep end of my life? Where can I thank fear and still take the next step?

Speaker 1:

Your success is not selfish. It's actually sacred. When you rise, you show other people what's possible and when you let your light shine, you invite others to do the same. If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone you love, someone who's been playing small but you know is actually ready to soar. And if you need to listen to this every day or for once a week for a while, until you've put these changes into effect, it's worth it. Do it. If you're ready to dive deeper into this work, dm me and we'll talk about coaching together, because this journey is so worth it and you don't have to do it alone. Wishing you success beyond your wildest dreams and love in every single step that you take. I am safe, I am free, I am ready, I am successful and I am sacred. I wanted to give this to you just a special bonus for listening and I so appreciate. This is my 15th episode and I'm starting to hear from people and I'm so grateful to be here to do this and so grateful to be here taking these steps with you.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to give you a little present, so, to reflect, part one would be acknowledging the fear and and you can ask yourself where in my life do I feel a fear of success showing up? Examples could be career relationships, creativity, health goals. Prompt number two what story might I have unconsciously written about success when I was younger? Prompt number three how has the fear of success tried to protect me? Can I thank it lovingly? Okay, part number two is going to be stepping into the deep end. Prompt number four when in my life am I standing in the shallow end, even though I'm ready for the deep end, and what new skills or inner strengths do I already have that are preparing me for the next level? That said, what do I need to be able to swim in the deep end, and what skill set, what help, what supports might I need? Can I take a step towards those? Even just acknowledging and becoming aware is important.

Speaker 1:

Part three is affirmations for rising. You can write your own and please message me. If you come up with some for these, I'd love to share them and share them with the Facebook group. I'm safe to succeed. I rise in love, not fear. My success serves the world, I shine and I light the way for others. So I would also invite you to use the power of the new moon which is on Sunday, the 27th so you'll be hearing this on the 28th and think about one small action or mindset shift that you can commit to making this month. It can be small. Even planting the smallest seed can lead to miracles over time. So take a breath and put a hand on your heart and say to yourself again I am safe, I am free, I am successful, I am successful, I am sacred and I am ready. You're not just chasing success, you're embodying it. Thank you for choosing to rise. Have a beautiful week, thank you.