Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
Just Count Me In is a podcast designed to help us navigate and flow with our lives through conscious awareness. When we live with less resistance and more receptivity it is easier to express who we came here to be and enjoy life. We are all walking each other home.
Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
# 32 Happiness Thermostat: The Science Behind Self Sabotage
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Are you ready to expand your container for joy, love, health, and abundance?
Ever noticed how you sabotage yourself or get nervous just when everything's going perfectly?
Your nervous system maintains a happiness and success "thermostat."
The revolutionary understanding of neuroplasticity gives us hope: we can permanently raise our happiness set point. "
Remember—expansion is your natural state. You don't have to earn it, force it, or fear it. You just need to hold space for it by releasing limits that were never yours to begin with.
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Welcome to Just Count Me In
Speaker 1Welcome to Just Count Me In a podcast about coming home to yourself and finding your expression, figuring out who exactly you came here to be, also known as living your best life. I'm Sari Stone and I'll be your host. Hey, thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate that you tuned in. This is an episode that I think we could all benefit from. That you tuned in. This is an episode that I think we could all benefit from.
Understanding Our Happiness Set Point
Speaker 1So have you ever noticed that just when this life starts to feel amazing, like when your love life is flowing or your business is thriving, your job is doing well, the opportunities are all lining up for you you suddenly feel nervous and there might be a whisper of this can't last. Or maybe you just pull back, almost like you don't want to jinx what's going on, like I'm going to jinx it if I tell somebody or things can't. You know good, things don't last, or everything comes to an end or you're actually not broken. The good news is you're just human, and today we're going to talk a little bit about why we trip ourselves up when things get good and how to expand your inner container so you can actually hold the love, hold the joy hold, the abundance that's your absolute birthright. I mean it is why you're here. Honestly, there is psychology behind this and we all have a set point. Kate Northrup, the author of Money A Love Story, explains in that book that just like there's a thermostat in your house, you've got like a wealth and happiness set point. It's the level of love and money and ease that your nervous system believes is safe for you. It's what you were used to when you were growing up. You've probably stuck with it as you're grown and you might not have ever questioned it because you didn't know, as I didn't know, that it even existed. When life gets too good, too much love, too much success, too much ease, your nervous system actually freaks out Because you remember your brain's job is to keep you safe, and safety means familiar. Even if familiar isn't greatable is safe, and that always trumps the unknown in your brain. So there is definitely a reason why we do it.
How We Sabotage Our Success
Speaker 1In her book Happy for no Reason another book I read years ago because I'm one of those people that is happy for no reason, I know I'm fortunate Marcy Shimoff explains that we also have a happiness set point which they're finding now can be raised. They used to think that there was just an emotional baseline where you tend to hover, no matter what's happening, like, for example, people that win the lottery. Within six months are back at their same baseline of happiness. Or people that are in a serious automobile accident within six months are back to their level of happiness that they were before they've returned. If life goes way above that baseline, your subconscious works to bring you back down to normal, to keep you feel safe, and that's why those people that win the lottery end up broke or go on a great vacation, then feel a weird slump, almost like a letdown.
Speaker 1Afterward. Your brain runs on efficiency and when things feel too good, the amygdala in your fear center and I've got too good in quotes here kicks in and says danger, uncertainty. Sari's never been this happy, things have never gone this well for this long. Good things trigger dopamine. We know that Big reward right. But if your brain senses any unfamiliar territory, cortisol, the eternal enemy, gets released, and that's the stress hormone. We know what happens when cortisol gets released and that's why we start contracting. So it can come in such a sneaky way. But you might notice this pattern. You could sabotage the deal. You could end up picking a fight with your partner. You could get the opportunity of a lifetime that you prayed for, but procrastinate so much that you blow it. Mel Robbins calls this the upper limit problem. It's like an invisible ceiling where, when life starts to feel better that's what's familiar your nervous system actually hits the brakes and she talks about let them and then let me Let them have their thoughts, because very often it's the people around us.
Speaker 1I can remember looking at houses with my husband and I just had this house in mind and I could feel it and the realtor would say you need to reel her in. Well, we didn't need to reel me in. I found that house and better without him, I might add, even though he was great at helping us close and we didn't need to reel me in. We just needed me to align with the house and get that negativity out of my space. When my husband's business was going really well, he had a business partner and literally I would walk downstairs and think that something terrible had happened by the look on his partner's face and they had landed the hugest account that they'd ever gotten and he was in a total state of anxiety over it Not my husband, but his partner and he was like this is too good to be true. This just can't last. We better not get used to this, just like horrible words to say when things are going well.
Signs You're Shrinking Your Joy
Speaker 1When Stan and I first got together, we didn't understand. We didn't know about this. We'd been together a long time and back then we didn't really understand what was going on, but we used to only make it a certain amount of time without having a fight, almost like it was automated or something it was almost like in our calendar. We were just programmed that we can't make it that long, and definitely when we came up against things like our six month anniversary or year anniversary or 10 year anniversary, it was still cropping up. But the spaces were getting bigger between those type of arguments that were just picked almost to ruin a good thing, almost as if we did not believe it was contradicting a belief that we held that it can only be this good or it can only be this good for that long, or something's got to give. It's too good to be true. You name it. There was a lot of conditioning on both sides that we had to overcome, and we did, and we call each other out when we notice it now in our own lives, where we get a little bit nervous when things are going better than they've ever gone, which is pretty much a continuous situation for us, and sometimes I'll be like, oh, I just caught myself constricting about that.
Speaker 1Esther Hicks reminded us that expansion is the nature of life. Your inner being is always expanding. That's what we're here for. When you desire something, you create an expanded version of you in vibrational reality, like your energy gets that big, and the only reason you feel uncomfortable is because your soul is already living at that bigger level and your human self is just playing catch up. When we were moving to South Carolina, I could feel this house, I could feel this land before it was ever here, and it just felt weird because I wasn't here yet. But I could feel it and it was definitely an uncomfortable feeling. You can think of it like trying to run something on your computer on old software. It doesn't work. Your computer needs an upgrade. So if you want to hold more love, more wealth, more vitality, more joy, you need what I call a service upgrade New beliefs, a nervous system that can tolerate more goodness and a willingness to feel a little uncomfortable during the stretch. So if you've been wondering why can't I just enjoy this without waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time, it's because you're literally expanding into a bigger container and it takes practice.
Speaker 1How do you know it when you're shrinking? Here's some symptoms. Some of my clients downplay their wins. Let's say, you delay sending an invoice for service, you sabotage your health habits like you're on a new health regime and you've made those transformations in your life and you're doing really well and for some reason that you're not even aware of, you blow it, or you blow it in the name of celebrating that you've done well. It's a complicated and not logical process. It's almost like a response that happens from our subconscious without us even thinking about it. That happens from our subconscious without us even thinking about it. I have had people who had addictions, who made their greatest progress and were sober for their longest times, and they have a huge success or get a new job that they've been waiting for or start a new relationship and bam, they have a relapse Now. These things are discouraging, but they can definitely be undone. We can definitely rewire the brain.
Speaker 1You can also notice that you're shrinking if you feel guilty for being happy when your friends are struggling or your family members are struggling, so shrinking shrinking so that other people will feel better, shrinking and not sharing your successes or not walking around feeling as great as you actually feel because you feel bad that they feel so bad, or they're going to put something on it Like, well, who are you to? You fill in the blank. And if you've got anybody in your life saying, who are you to want that bigger house? Who are you to think you're going to have that relationship? Who are you to think you can be so joyful? I'd say watch your company, because we do know that we become the average of the people, that we, the five people that we spend most of our time around, and if they are reminding you to shrink instead of at that level where they're reminding you that you're expanding, you maybe need to rethink some relationships.
Speaker 1Sometimes you can just feel restless when things are good and that's what I call static in the receiver, like your soul. If it was broadcasting something, it's broadcasting abundance, but your fear filter is jamming the signal. We said that you needed an upgrade and here are some suggestions on how to expand your capacity. These are science based, because you know me, me, I'm about the science and spiritual. They're spiritually backed tools to help you stretch.
Seven Tools to Expand Your Capacity
Speaker 1Number one, and there's seven of these start an awareness practice. Make it a point to notice when things are good and you tense up, instead of sabotage. Pause and breathe. Just name the feeling that starts rewiring your brain. That's one of the tools that Mel Robbins taught me and she says just count it down. Five, four, three, two, one and lean in, which leads me to step two, the five-second rule. When you want to pull back from an opportunity, lean into it. Interrupt the pattern before fear wins, even if it just means I can't address that right now or I need more time to think about it. Stall before you contract. I need more time to think about it. Stall before you contract.
Speaker 1Number three somatic grounding. We know that the body remembers and stores, and breathwork is a wonderful way to work some of this out. Yoga is a good way. When joy feels overwhelming to you for any reason, put a hand on your heart, breathe deeply and say I am safe to hold more, it is safe for me to be, whatever the word is, and this calms down the amygdala and signal safety. I tell people in yoga breathe as though everything is going to be all right and it immediately calms your body down. Number four is what we call joy tolerance training, and I got that from Kate Northrup. She takes small doses of goodness and actually stays with them.
Speaker 1We did an episode on this. After that, I heard her book and I thought man, this is exactly what we were talking about. Just savor, savor your coffee for 60 seconds. Eat that ice cream cone slower than you want to, even though it might be melting a little bit. Sit with a compliment instead of deflecting it. That's a little bit. Sit with a compliment instead of deflecting it. That's a big one. Sit with a compliment instead of deflecting it. That could be a whole episode letting praise in. I'll have to remind myself about that, but that's a great habit.
Speaker 1Upgrade your beliefs is number five, and that shift from this is too good to be true it's too good to last to it's totally safe for life to keep getting better and better. What's next for me is more joy. What's next for me is even better than what's now for me. Number six Abraham Hicks reminds us to milk it. She says so when something feels good, stay with it longer. It's like stretching your emotional container. When I'm teaching yoga, I have people pull up a time when they felt completely loved and cared for, and if they can't think of a time that happened in their actual lives, I have them think of a time and just imagine that as best they can, where all their needs were met, where their body was comfortable and where they were just totally loved, and I have them stay in it for a while and this is a wonderful practice, just to make more of those neural connections and make that more familiar. Number seven is raise your happiness set point and you can move that set point up If you aren't a naturally happy person or you were raised in a house with a lot of big trauma and your set point's a little bit lower if you just. I think this is the best news, ever the more we've learned about neuroplasticity.
Journaling Prompts and Affirmations
Speaker 1I'm just so grateful to be alive now that we know it's possible, instead of 20 years ago when we didn't realize it were. Even 30 years ago we did not think it was possible. We thought what was was with our brains and those were dark times. Now we know that you can build daily habits like gratitude, because gratitude vibrates at very close to love. Love is the highest vibration, gratitude is there, kindness and self-love and surrounding yourself with positive people as much as possible. These micro habits literally reset your emotional thermostat and you know what.
Speaker 1It might not be that you get to pick and choose every single person you're around, but I'm going to tell you from experience. When I walk into the food store and I'm in a really good mood, I'm like tapped and turned on, just happy. I feel like I get the best of the people that are in there. Somebody will give me a smile, somebody will just turn and start talking to me. People just feel better. So remember you create the flow.
Speaker 1Here are some journaling prompts that can help you open up a little more about this and just investigate. It's kind of like science when we learn this. Where do I notice myself pulling back when life feels good? What story do I tell myself about why I can't have more? That one might take some time. If I trusted myself, where could I hold more joy, wealth or love?
Speaker 1Today and I've got some affirmations for you that I enjoy it's safe for me to receive more than ever before. My power and my presence is welcome here. I am infinite. I am expanding with ease, grace and joy. The better it gets, the better it gets. Expansion is your natural state. You don't have to earn it, force it or fear it. You just have to hold space for it, and sometimes that means letting go of limits that were never even yours to begin with. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you liked this episode, please let me know. Stop by at social media, on Instagram or my Facebook page, just count me in and please leave a comment. If there's anybody that you think could benefit from this episode, please forward it to them, and I look forward to seeing you next time. We're all in this together.