Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
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Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
#33 Failure: Your Doorway to Transformation
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What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? In this episode we'll explore why failure is not the end of the road but a doorway to growth, realignment and flow through brain science, spiritual wisdom, and practical insights to help you reframe failure as a sacred part of success.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi repairs broken pottery with gold, highlighting rather than hiding the cracks. What if we approached our failures with the same reverence? What if the cracks in our plans are precisely where the light gets in? In this episode, you'll discover how to transform your relationship with failure, seeing it not as proof of weakness but as evidence of your willingness to grow, try new things, and live fully in integrity with yourself.
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Welcome and Gratitude
Speaker 1Welcome and welcome back to Just Count Me In. This is Sari Stone. I'm your host and thank you so much for joining me today. I think there's something like 4.5 million perhaps I don't know, you can Google it podcasts that are registered and only 450 or 460,000 that are active. That's still a lot of choices for you, so I do want to take a moment, just a little moment, of gratitude today. Thank you so much for taking your time to listen to this one and being a part of our community In this episode.
Speaker 1Today, we're going to explore why failure is not exactly the end of the road, but it's a doorway to growth. It's also a doorway to flow and more confidence. It's also a doorway to flow and more confidence. We're going to take a look at this with brain science and spiritual outlook, and some practical insights to help you reframe failure more as what I believe universally it's meant to be, and that's just a step towards your success as a human. It's such a powerful question to ask yourself. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? I used to have it written on my mirror. I've done it during coaching workshops that I've been a participant in, and I think about this a lot. I ask myself and my clients a lot if I knew I couldn't fail? If there was no fail, what would I do? Because failure actually is one of those words that makes people just flinch. It even feels heavy. I was even nervous about doing an episode about it, but here we go. It's a full moon, there's an eclipse why not? It feels very personal when we fail, but yet it's also where growth happens in our lives and we know that it's the breaking point that allows other things to take root. It's honestly, not so much a four letter word as it's our teacher. It's a compass and it redirects us back towards the flow of life when we were going upstream. So today I just want to invite you to a ritual which usually on the full moon. I like to just take a moment and think about all my successes and celebrate all my successes, and do that with friends. And instead of celebrating only your successes this month, what if you lit a candle for your failures, like the big ones, the small ones, and then take a moment to honor what they've taught you and what they've acknowledged, what they've opened up for you?
Speaker 1One of my students is in a STEM school and her STEM teacher actually has Fail Friday, and I love this. To get in the door, you have to give an entrance ticket. I think that says something that you tried and failed. She uses the word a lot just to desensitize people to it, I think. And what did you do? How did it turn out? What came out of it? How did you work with it? And that is so crucial in our society today. I don't know whether it's always been like this, but failure is a big problem for people. It becomes an obstacle towards us trying new things. It becomes a way that we sabotage our own success. It becomes a way, a confidence block.
Speaker 1So this year, just for an example, in my garden, which you haven't seen pictures of on Instagram, probably since I planted it I planted it with a lot of love and intention. We expected to be eating the vegetables and the greens from the garden all summer. I was so excited, didn't want to buy produce, really pumped. We even put in whole new garden beds. It's only our second summer here, so we're still figuring it out. Well, I got to tell you, some of the seeds never even sprouted. Some of the plants wilted, like when they just got to be very tiny, before their time even, and some made it for a little while and produced nothing, or maybe one or two, which I was grateful for. Albino cucumbers, which is not what I planted, but we still ate them. You can tell by my voice. This was really disappointing to me and at first it felt like I had failed as a gardener and I was really excited about moving here and trying to grow as much of our food as possible. So I was pretty sad because this is my thing right now and I'm trying to learn it. Then I noticed like failure in the soil was actually gonna be making way for something unexpected the soil, I'm sure, is richer now for next season, which is now because in South Carolina we can plant. Now I'm getting ready to plant my lettuce and say a prayer again.
Speaker 1I stopped keeping my focus on the failure and started figuring out which parts were within my control and which were not in my control aka the unusually hot summer that we had, which resulted in a lot of other people's gardens failing, but still mine could have succeeded and notice how well all the herbs I planted were doing. My rosemary plant is like a rosemary bush. I also noticed how the healthier plants, which which is so sweet, and we know this about plants. They actually were leaning in towards the sickly ones, and my wildflowers that I planted went crazy. My wildflowers, literally and I will post a picture of those on Instagram are probably five, five and a half feet tall. I've never grown wildflowers like this in my life and the hummingbirds and the bees love me and the butterflies, so it's been really a gorgeous experience. But it didn't yield much food.
Speaker 1So I studied the whole thing and I thought how many times when we fail, do we resist Like what's actually flowing, because we're so focused on our plans not working out? How many times do we stay focused on the problem, like on the launch pad of what's launching, why we want something different and not pull ourselves up out of it and start focusing and aligning with getting stronger and coming up with something even better, maybe even discover some new possibilities? So it depends on what we do with the failure which you know, I'm sure so my garden is a small light kind of failure. I know some of you are probably thinking, oh my gosh, I'm sure so. My garden is a small light kind of failure. I know some of you are probably thinking, oh my gosh, I've had such a word, you know like take out the violin. Her garden failed too bad.
Speaker 1Well, our friend also died this year and that was also very sad, hugely sad, a lot worse than the garden. He lost his fight, he failed to beat the cancer, his body failed. This kind of loss and failure that doesn't have the easy answer. I wasn't about to look for a silver lining for a while and yet even then, as it was happening, we started to notice there were some gifts was happening. We started to notice there were some gifts During those final months and he didn't have much notice. He deepened his connections with people. He became more present and a little bit less. He was kind of a cynical guy, a great guy, all heart, but kind of a little cynical. I didn't even get that energy from him at all. He healed a relationship that had been damaged with a good friend, and everyone around him I'm sure has a rarer new appreciation of life. Love was shared in ways that maybe weren't expressed otherwise. People open up to each.
Speaker 1Failure is everywhere in life. But maybe it's not really failure, maybe it's just a transformation and we're looking at it the wrong way. So you know me, I always go to the brain, like what exactly is going on in this pharmacy between my ears, and why does this feel like the end of the world when it fails? Because it does sometimes because it is the end of the world. As we had planned in that specific topic, it's done, it's not going to work. When we make a mistake, the anterior cingulate cortex lights up and it says, hey, pay attention, let's adjust. Kind of like when you're navigating, when Waze or Google Maps is on and you make a wrong turn, you know that rerouting and depending on how quickly it reroutes is essential because if you live where there's traffic, you need to know pretty fast that it's rerouting. It can't keep thinking that you're on the right road for five minutes. When we develop that rerouting signal, the quicker we get at it and the more we go back to our faith in looking at the big picture and knowing that ultimately there has to be a reason. This signal in our brain can help us rewire and help us grow.
Speaker 1Another thing that happens and this was really surprising to me and I looked it up again thing that happens and this was really surprising to me and I looked it up again dopamine. Of all things, the feel good, the happy, the one that gets us addicted to things. That neurotransmitter comes up, so turns out dopamine doesn't just reward success, it's not just about anticipation. It rewards effort and it rewards learning from trial and error. So maybe that's why scientists get so lit up. They're getting a dopamine fix In my classroom. And when the growth mindset first came out, written by Carol Dweck, this was huge and our district studied her.
Speaker 1When we see failure as feedback, we unlock resilience and instead of I failed, it becomes it failed. And I learned Because, honestly, you are not a failure. Failure. I'm going to say it again you are never a failure. You can't be. You're here expressing your gifts. What you were counting on just didn't work out. So don't personalize it. I mean, maybe you had something to do with the failure, maybe you didn't, but it's not you that failed. Stay unattached.
Speaker 1Abraham Hicks reminds us that it's not failure that feels so bad, it's resisting it. And when we continue to fight against what is actually going on, we clench and push and resist the flow. That's when the pain intensifies, when we release and flow with it to see what's next for us often better, it's gone and we start to open up to new possibilities. If you look around you in nature, this is present. I mean seeds. When I used to plant bean seeds with my second graders like Jack and the Beanstalk Beans, the seeds split apart and it got really, really messy. Before they sprouted and started to put down roots, they had to split apart. Stars actually collapse, they fail under their own weight and then there's whole new galaxies that are born. Even our own bodies shed millions of cells every day. Failure and renewal are literally built right into our biology. Maybe failure isn't the opposite of success. Maybe failure is actually a component of success, actually a component of success.
Speaker 1Often, after a failure, we let go, we stop pushing so hard. I mean, haven't you ever been to that point where you've just said I can't take this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I'm done, I'm taking my hands off it. We drop the struggle and suddenly we find ourselves back in flow, like the light comes back on. Inspiration returns, solutions appear, life feels easier again. We've all gone through this.
Speaker 1Failure can be the very thing that frees us from resistance. It turns the ship around and points us to go with the flow of the stream. So there are small failures, like failing a test at school or a project at work or a garden that didn't thrive. These are opportunities to practice resilience. There are big failures, like the end of a marriage, a business closing, a body not healing the way we hoped, and these bring grief. And they also carve out depth. They grow compassion. They break us open for new ways of being.
Speaker 1Failure stretches us into who we came here to be, and it does Without the resistance and it does Without the resistance. Without that push, we don't expand. Without expansion, we stagnate. Nothing that's living stagnates. Think about it. Everything is expanding. So we're at the beginning of a time of ideas, innovation, connection and flow. Air is not about clinging, it is all about movement. It's all about ease, it's all about lightness and everything is moving quickly. It's about circulation, it's about fresh breath. So, instead of gripping onto control, what if we allowed failure to be the wind on our sails?
Speaker 1So, this full moon, I would invite you into a practice. You can write down the failures that you've experienced this past month, small ones, big ones, the ones you're still carrying around. Light a candle and hold those failures in gratitude. Ask, wow, what good is already coming out of this, what seeds are planted in this? Breaking open and instead of hiding your failures. Maybe you can honor them. The crack is where the light gets in. Rumi said it. The Japanese have the art of kintsugi Wabi-sabi embrace imperfection is what that means. It means see the beauty in flaws, celebrate them, let them be your teachers. We could learn from this.
Speaker 1I'm going to give you some journaling prompts, some affirmations, and then I would really like to do a meditation with you. If you want to get out your pen, what is one failure that I can now see as a stepping stone? Just choose one. How has failure redirected me into greater flow? What if failure wasn't shameful? What if it was sacred? What if it was sacred? What if it was? How did your week go? Hey, this didn't happen. This failed. I mean, nobody wants to hear that if you're complaining, but if you're, you know if you're trying something new, if you're trying a new recipe, if you're trying an idea out on a podcast or a business and it doesn't work. I'm excited when I hear that because you're trying something new.
Speaker 1Failure is feedback. Every ending holds a beginning for me. Show me how much fun and ease I can find in seeing the lessons in my failures. I release resistance and allow flow to carry me. My failures are seeds of transformation. They help me transform my life. So I'm going to ask you again what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail this week? Maybe let failure be your ally, your teacher, your compass, let it point you back towards flow. If I failed, it means I just need to go back towards flow again, towards alignment, towards the miracle of being alive in this moment, not dwelling on what you wanted to happen.
] Guided Meditation for Releasing Failure
Speaker 1It didn't happen. You can reflect, see if there's something you can do about it, see if it was something out of your control, and then move on. Don't stay there. It happened already. It's done. If you stay there in the failure, you're letting the wake drive the boat. So this is a real quick meditation script for you.
Speaker 1If you're in a good place, you can take a moment and close your eyes and drop in. You can roll your eyes up even though your eyelids are closed. You can roll them up. They'll probably flutter a little bit. Or you can just look up and focus on the space a couple hundred feet above your head and then just allow that light to be a cascade of light. It could be different colors. It could be a cascade of light. It could be different colors.
Speaker 1I want you to allow the light that you need to come in and feel yourself arrive in this moment In your body, in your breath, in your breath Settling into safety, feeling the earth beneath you because you are so supported. You are exactly where you're meant to be right now. Imagine roots extending from the soles of your feet into the earth and anchoring you, grounding you. You're safe, you've got stability. Go back to your breath inhale ease, exhale, flow, inhale ease Exhale flow Inhale ease Exhale, ease, inhale softening Exhale. Where can you soften more? Exhale. Where can you soften more? Take a moment and feel if there's any resistance anywhere and just let this warmth feel supported by you. Let the space around you feel calm. Be aware of the air on your skin.
Speaker 1Now let it come into mind one time that you've had a failure the past month. It could be something small, like a plan that didn't work out, or it could be a pretty big goal that you missed something you've put a lot of time and energy into. It could be something heavy, something that now still feels tender to you, and notice how it feels in your body. Where do you feel it? What color would it be? Is it dense or is it clear? Just no fixing, no judgment, just noticing.
Speaker 1Now imagine placing this failure gently into your hands. See it as a small glowing ball or ember. Glowing ball or ember and this carries warmth and light and possibility. As you hold it, ask what good is coming from this? What new seed is planted here? Can you show me the teaching? Help me see the direction? And let it be easy. Trust whatever arises. Or nothing may arise right now, it may take a while, or it may come to you in a dream. It could be an image, a word, a feeling, something that pops out from somebody else, even a quiet feeling.
Speaker 1Now imagine lifting your hands high above your head and releasing that glowing ember into a flowing river of light and watch it flow downstream just like a moonbeam, carried with ease. The river knows exactly where to take it, because it's not yours anymore. Feel your shoulders soften, feel your stomach untie, feel your heart open and feel your body relax Silently. Repeat after me Every ending is a new beginning. I stay in the flow and release resistance. My failures are seeds of transformation. Failure is only feedback. Let those words sink into your heart like medicine. And let those words sink into your heart like medicine and let those words be received. Take a final deep breath in and exhale fully. So, when you're ready, gently wiggle your fingers and toes, open your eyes, feel your elbows and knees, take a big, deep breath in again, noticing that lightness in your body.
Speaker 1You probably didn't even realize you were carrying this around, kind of like putting down something that you've been carrying. Just put the burden down, lay it at the feet, let it go, send it down the river. Carry with you the knowing that your failures are not your heavy stones anymore. They're your stepping stones. They're guiding you back into the flow of your life. Take a moment to notice how you feel right now A little lighter, a little softer, maybe a little more open to the possibility that failure is maybe not so much of a dead end but more of a stepping stone.
Speaker 1You can return to this practice anytime, especially when a failure feels heavy or overwhelming, and each time you're going to remind yourself that you are never stuck. All roads lead to your own life, all roads lead home. When you stay in the flow, when you stick to your own truth, you honestly can't go wrong. As you move forward from here, carry this with you. Your failures are not proof of weakness. They're proof of your willingness to try to grow, to live fully, to transform your life, to live in integrity, to live the life that you were meant to live, which is your best life. Let's do it together. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you liked this episode, please let me know. Stop by at social media, on Instagram or my Facebook page, just count me in and please leave a comment. If there's anybody that you think could benefit from this episode, please forward it to them, and I look forward to seeing you next time. We're all in this together.