Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
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Transform Your Life - Just Count Me In
#37 Meet Erin! How To Shift From Identity Crisis to Renewal
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In this episode my former coaching client shares how she found her way from heartbreak to healing, from identity crisis to spiritual renewal. The journey from darkness and uncertainty to a grounded, fulfilled life she loves. We talk about courage, change, perseverance, faith, divine timing, and the beauty of letting go so something greater can flow in. Don't miss this one!
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Reunion and Setup
SPEAKER_02Right, so it is so good to see you, and I'm so happy to see you, and I miss you so much, but it's good to see your beautiful face, and it really is. I know, I know. So, can you take us back to the season of your life when you first reached out for coaching? Because when I met you, you were a yoga student, and then we kind of got to be friends, and then the pandemic happened, and you were coming over for yoga.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
Life After Divorce and Career Strain
SPEAKER_02And I knew we ended up coaching. So where were you in your life then?
SPEAKER_00Um, so um, I had been through a divorce and then um was kind of in the midst of ending a very troubled and long ongoing relationship that was very often on. And also, on top of that, um I had taken a new step in my career that was so challenging for me. Um and I just felt really lost and unsure where my life was heading, and feeling that I needed support and strength to get me through um the career I had taken on.
SPEAKER_02Okay. And what was the hardest part? And I know this might be difficult to talk about, but the hard part for me when I left my marriage was that everything looked great on the outside, and there wasn't like he wasn't, you know, evil or criminal or anything like that. It was just not right for us anymore to stay married for my journey. And so what was the hard part about that? And I know that you did this for yourself to be authentically yourself and for your kids. What was the hard part about that? And tell us a little bit about finding the courage to do that.
SPEAKER_00Um, so I I felt that when all that happened, um, I I kind of felt like I lost my purpose in life because um from you know being a a child, my dream had been to have a family and you know, the perfect the perfect life and the marriage and all the things. I've always wanted to be a mom and a and care for my family and um and my husband too, and I just it it felt like such a failure. It felt like I lost my whole purpose in life, and I just really struggled to find what does that look like going forward now? With you know, how do I still have a sense of that and rebuild?
Losing Purpose and Finding Courage
SPEAKER_02So when we coached, do you remember what specifically helped, what turned things, what we did? Um as far as your beliefs go, as far as your identity goes, as far as clearing things. And we don't need to go into what we cleared, but just the process of it.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I definitely like revisiting some of uh of the things that I was holding on to from from being, you know, an adolescent or a child um experiences I had been through that I felt like kind of knocked me down as a person, and um, you know, we reframed those in coaching and totally changed my beliefs about about all of those things and um I I one time we worked on um my I think in order to move forward I know that I needed to be okay with change, and change was something that was always hard for me. I had a huge resistance to change, and um that one was really powerful.
SPEAKER_02That was really powerful, and I think what amazes me most about you is that when we met, we went really, really deep. It was a lot, and then it was like, whoo, that's a lot, okay, and and you worked with that, you integrated it, you figured out your ways to integrate it into your own life, and your transformation was really exponential transformation, so powerful, so deep, and every time you changed, it lasted.
Coaching, Beliefs, and Embracing Change
SPEAKER_00So you and I still um I still rely on those the things we worked on. Um, you know, like we did a visual of like are you you telling me that you know change can be fun, like um you know, imagine your feet moving forward, imagine you picking up those legs and making those big steps and being like, I can do this, you know, this is fun, I can do change, and I still think that all the time.
SPEAKER_02So that just makes my heart smile. It totally does. So, what and that is incredible about you. That's a testimony to what you'll do because it's not easy. No, not at all. No, and what gave you, what did you come to have a stronger relationship with as you got in more alignment with yourself and less reactive to what it was going to look like for other people if you made these changes? You could feel in you, and you're such a gifted teacher and such a devoted mom, you could feel in you something else coming that needed a stronger connection to give you strength. So, what gave you the courage to make those changes and let go of the things that just weren't feeding your soul? Because if you don't feed yours, what you dish out for your kids isn't healthy. It's like if you don't put good ingredients in the soup and you feed them the soup, even though the soup might look really good, it's not gonna be healthy. So we as as women and as men, as parents, we have to be healthy in ourselves.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02You know, so what gave you the courage?
SPEAKER_00Um, honestly, I would just I felt like I I had um the right things in my life at the time, the right people in my life. Um you were in my life, you and my church, and um I think I realized that um I you know it's often said like you can't you can't change other people. You can't change other things. What what you can change is yourself, what you can't affect is yourself. So when all these things around me, you know, are happening and not going how I would like them to, and a lot of negativity, I just you know, decided to work on myself instead.
SPEAKER_02I remember that.
SPEAKER_00So you know, you happen to be in my life and and always giving me support and wisdom and which um I thought, hey, let's take that to the next level and do the coaching. Like let's let's invest in myself instead of this toxic relationship anymore. And not my marriage toxic relationship, but no the second relationship I got I got into.
SPEAKER_02Um the second relationship, tell us a little bit more if you're comf only if you're comfortable about that and where that came from, where that ended up and how hard that was because there are people out there listening that are in similar relationships.
Self-Alignment Over Others’ Expectations
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um so after my my marriage fell apart, um and and how I said before I I just didn't I wasn't sure what my purpose was, I wasn't sure where everything was headed, and um there was someone that had been in my life kind of as a an acquaintance, um, so it felt very easy and um started seeing seeing this person, and um I think that you know, looking back, there were red flags immediately, things in my gut that weren't right, but um he made me feel good and beautiful and you know was really good at like what they would say, the love bombing was really good at that. Um, so I kept hanging on and ignoring all those red flags and things looking back, I can't even believe I let myself, you know, go through or or be treated that way. But um and um I always gave this person chances. I was always disappointed, always hurt, um, but always hoping that it would change. He he kind of gave me enough little breadcrumbs to always keep me hanging on and right, because you're such a kind, compassionate person. Yeah, and he took advantage of that, I feel like.
SPEAKER_02And some people do, some people do, but what shifted in you where it almost I just seem to remember it was painful, painful, painful, back and forth, back and forth, really hard to let go a hundred percent. Like he would seep back in, seep back in, seep back in. And people that are tend towards narcissism, which I think he was, although I'm not sure we throw that word around a lot right now, but yeah, self-centered or you know, people that have those types of problems, um, that's what they do, and they're very charming normally. And so and they figure out what exactly you needed where you felt like you couldn't give it to yourself, like the verbal affirmation, the divine feminine worship type thing, and and and then you started to realize that you could provide those things for yourself, actually.
The Toxic Relationship Pattern
SPEAKER_00Right, exactly. I just think like again that I had the right people in my life at the time, um, the right support, you know, and started just thinking like you know, like I I can just I can do this myself. Like I can't there's so much drama involved with this man, and I just reached my breaking point, and I had you know, all of you around me to be like I I don't need him, like I I can do this myself. Like that I can't change him, but I can change me and I can make myself better so that I can uh find the right person, and when I do that I'm a hundred percent like ready and the best version of myself that I can be.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and we we remember we felt this person coming, remember? Right, we felt him coming a few because I think it was Valentine, it was some holiday, and I said, you know what, you really need to celebrate yourself because I have a feeling this is the last one you're gonna be single for, and you're like, you know what? I think you're right. Um you did do something else, and I'll let you explain it. I mean, in the morning, my habit is to get up every morning and I try to get it right with the universe, get it right with God. I go inside and connect. Um, and I remember even though you had to get up at like, and you're a mother of two, and you were a single mother of two at 4:30 in the morning to do a hard commute. So she's in Colorado, people, and the the commute was not easy at the time for her. Those mountain roads are not like just going down a road here in South Carolina, and you still made the time to connect with yourself and do devotional every is this true every morning? Am I quoting this correctly?
SPEAKER_00Every every single morning, yep, absolutely. Yes, uh, yeah, and it's still still a part of my day. And um, yeah, yep, yeah, that's my time. I'm not a morning person, um, but that's my sacrifice um to God and to myself and to set me right for the day. And I have I have a challenging job. Um, I work with very young children, um, children that are impacted too, and um, it helps me align with my my purpose and what I I found my purpose to be um after all the work that I've put in and through this journey. Yes.
Building Inner Worth and Boundaries
SPEAKER_02Um and you're so gifted. So gifted at that. Well, I was I was nervous because sometimes it can take a while to find the right circumstances, and I know that there was a lot of negativity in some of the previous jobs, and I was really just praying that you would, you know, align yourself with that energy and bring in, believe that it's possible that you're gonna have a job that works for you and honors your gifts because you are very gifted with children and with young children, God bless you. I think you're probably gonna be distinct, you know. I mean, I taught first for a couple years and I loved it, but I couldn't do it repeatedly. You know, I ended up going with older kids, and um it is a true gift to to work with those littles, and it's their most formative stage until they're seven, so really important that you stayed in the profession, but not if it was killing you, and not if your environment was toxic.
SPEAKER_00And that's part of of this whole journey. Is um when I was married, I stayed at home for nine years with my children, and um as part of the divorce, I kind of had to start putting myself back out there in the workforce, and I was not a teacher and I made a complete career change at uh 36 years old. I remember and you know I had to go back to school for a while. Um and and really pushed myself it, um, you know, if I hadn't gone through this whole journey, I might not have ended up being a teacher and finding my purpose and being here to help others. So you know, I like looking back, I have that clarity now of of where thank goodness you did finding a new purpose.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and I can remember because we talked and I said, well, I was home with my kids, and if I worked, I worked at night waiting table, so I waited for Stan to get home, and I didn't start till I was 35, and I can remember telling you like a lot of people don't start until later doing what they're gonna do for that period, the next chunk in their lives. And think about all the people's lives that you've touched by doing that, and you're getting them at such a young, a young um age, really, really great, and it took a lot of work, and when you did get into the teaching, anybody who goes into teaching, anybody who goes into any career that doesn't automatically walk in, you know, knowing that you're gonna make six figures in a few years. What did you hear about that from people? Did you hear encouragement or did you hear discouragement? Like about going to teaching?
Devotion, Mornings, and Difficult Work
SPEAKER_00Um, I I feel like both. I mean, there's definitely people that, you know, there's people know how much that teachers put into it and how how needed we are and how we do it because we love it. And so people, you know, will encourage that way, but then there's also the realists who um are like, gosh, well, you could make, you know, McDonald's employees make$21 an hour now, you know, like so many other things. Um, yeah. But I just think aligning with that purpose, like I just really, really love being a light for those children and those families, and um yeah, and I mean that's more important to me, I guess, than than money at this point in my life. Well, and you've got both.
SPEAKER_02You're fine, right? So you've got both. I mean, you're living in a nice house, you travel, you go places, your kids are doing well. It all ended up being just fine. And sometimes the income doesn't always come from our job source. Sometimes the income comes from other sources, from unexpected sources, but when we take those steps in the right direction, the universe lines up and it says, Hey, you're doing what you came here to do. I'm gonna help you out. I think I think there's a line that says, My daughter just quoted it to me, God funds what he commissions. I think there's a line like that, and it's kind of like when you're called, it's gonna be taken care of, and you will always be taken care of, and you will always be taken care of, and you have been throughout this whole transformation. So when you look at your life now, how does life look and feel different for you now than it did like your relationships and your career and your day-to-day happiness? I mean, you were just glowing, and you always glowed, you always had that inner glow, you're always beautiful, but there was just a lot going on for a couple years there. So, right, how could you explain like just how life is now?
SPEAKER_00Um, I'm just so grounded. I feel like um, like I did ultimately find my purpose as a human. I'm still a mom. You know, I love my children to death. I still do all the the things in the same capacity I did when I was married. Um, still there for them. I um sorry, hold on, I'm losing my train of thought. You repeat the question. Yes, like how does life look and feel different from you? I said and I know I said it grounded. Um I think that I'm just I'm I've finally become who I was meant to be. Um and I had to go through all of these things to become that person, and it was such incredibly hard work and focus and dedication. Um but God got me there in the end, and I can look backwards now and understand why I went through those challenging times, and um yeah, I just I'm proud of myself.
Purpose in Teaching Despite Doubters
SPEAKER_02Yes, yeah, and yeah, and you're lighting the way for other people, and I think I texted you that about this interview. It's like you are such a teacher, and some people come in and that's their thing, is to teach. Some people, it's other things, but for you, you light the way for others just by your presence, but your your hardest battles, your your deepest wounds become teaching points for people later on. You just don't know it when you're in the thick of going through that mucky, you know? Right. Just having faith that and you and I remember you saying to me, I know that this is happening for a reason, but it hurts so bad. I know that this is happening for a reason, but I'm really ready for it to be over. And we've been there, you know, and we'll be there again for other things. But it's just the fact that you always had faith in the fact that it it was happening for your greatest and highest expression. And here you are.
SPEAKER_00I'm most proud of myself. I think for the focus and the dedication that that it took to to pull me through. Um I I tell this story a lot to when I try and help others, but like, you know, I've spoken about how crazy things felt around me that I couldn't control, other people, things going on that you know, I I decided to put the work into myself because that's what I could control. And um being a teacher, I um this was a few a few years back before I was in the relationship I'm in, and um I think like right before you were moving, or kind of maybe in that time frame. Um, so I was I'm off for the summer, you know, just got out for the summer. I have the whole summer off now, and I was just ready to like start socializing. I had been in school for teaching, I had been, you know, 12 hour days every day all school year, and um was ready to like get out there and start hanging out with people and doing things, and I I just started getting this feeling, I kept having things just like not work out correctly, where like I'd make plans and they'd fall through, or like friends that were always reliable or available or not available, and I just kept finding myself by myself often, and and I just kind of I I felt this voice from God telling me like you just need to be alone, be on your own, and and block out everything else in the world and everything going on around you, and just focus on me and your children, and and so I did. I spent the entire summer just kind of like devoting myself to him, listening to my inner voice, listening to him, um, spending time alone. I went on hikes once a week all by myself. I I didn't end up doing anything socially that whole summer, you know. I kept, you know, I wanted to start going out and meeting meeting people and dating again, and and and I didn't because I just thought I I need to be on my own and just clear out all the junk and all the stuff and just focus on myself and God and my and my kids, and I did. And that's probably that's one of the best things I've ever done in my whole life for myself.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
Provision, Calling, and Trust
SPEAKER_00Um and I came out of that so connected, spiritually, and grounded, like I was saying, and like so confident in myself, knowing myself better than I'd ever known myself before. And um, and then one day, boom, everything, you know, just kind of fell into place.
SPEAKER_02Right, because you were the person you became the right person, and you attracted the right person because you attract what you are and not what you want.
SPEAKER_00Right, exactly. When you give it all up and just let it come to you instead of you know, you going out and trying, trying, trying, trying.
SPEAKER_02Um the pull and not the push.
SPEAKER_00Right, absolutely. Um but it but but that was hard. Spending a whole summer, you know, blocking everything out and and being alone, you know, was hard. But the the patience and the effort, the hard work that I put in really paid off, and that's what's made the biggest difference. And I'm so proud that my kids got to see me go through all this. Because I was always a good mom before, but um I had it easy. I didn't have to work hard. Um, and I didn't also didn't know myself and like I do now, and and they've got to watch me through this journey, and I'm so happy that they've got to, and and I hope that it helps them as they grow older.
SPEAKER_02I am sure it will. So for someone who's listening, who feels stuck out there, like in a relationship or a job or like a life circumstance where they just feel like they're not all all themselves and they're not all in and they feel stuck. What would you want them to know?
What Life Feels Like Now
SPEAKER_00I guess I would say that you're never stuck, just take that first step forward, you know, connect with someone that can help move you forward. Um connect with God, with the source, like who you are, who you were cre you know, your creator, who were you created to be, you know, take those steps forward, like like we said with the change, the the coaching we did with change, pick up those legs and then step them back down, keep going, you know.
SPEAKER_02So take one step.
SPEAKER_00One yes, surround yourself with the right people. You know, I was so blessed to have you in my life. I I I was so blessed. Um, the one thing I will say about my toxic relationship that I had after my divorce, the you know, I always try to find one positive thing of like how this negative thing, you know, what's one positive thing I can take from it because everything we go through shapes us as a person, and every you know, you can find a positive in everything. There's always a positive thing. And one positive that I take from that is that um him and I started going to the church that I became such a big part of. Um so you know, lean lean on good people for support, get help, you know lean on faith, those things. Surround yourself with the right people.
SPEAKER_02Really important.
SPEAKER_00People that lift you up.
SPEAKER_02Yes, people that feel good, that you feel good around, and it might not be the people that you did feel good around anymore, and that's kind of weird for a while, you know. They sort of fall away as you get to be more and more aligned with yourself. Sometimes they'll stick and they'll make it through the transformation with you. Sometimes you're just not at that frequency anymore, and they will be, it just won't feel right, and that's the hard part because we feel like oh, friends forever, this forever, that forever. I mean, my forever is my relationship with God, my relationship with God, my relationship with myself. Um, I do believe it's also going to be my relationship with my husband because we've evolved through a lot in 40 years, but it has not always been easy, and we stay in in alignment with who we are, and it's because of that, it's because I never feel like he's trying to or that I'm trying to do that to him, try to limit him.
SPEAKER_01Right.
A Summer of Solitude and Faith
SPEAKER_02Um, and we respect that, and so I think finding the situations where you were like something felt good here in the church, something felt good here when I coached. This person feels good, these people don't feel good, so you withdrew giving your energy to people who used to feel good, so logically you could have talked yourself into still going out because it made sense for you to do that in your mind, but you listened to your heart and you listen to your gut, and those are that's where you're gonna find the answers. That the head is only good for certain things, mostly to keep us alive and then to recall facts and stuff. It just wants to keep us safe. Our answers lie in the heart. Your answers lie inside, but not in the head, and that's what you did. If you could sum up your transformation in one word or phrase, what would it be?
SPEAKER_00There's a we had values at one of the schools that I worked at, and um, there's one value that I don't know, just always sticks with me, and I I would say perseverance.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um it's not always gonna be easy. Um, you just have to keep going and believing that that you're meant for better, that you're gonna get through this. Um, there is so much good out there, but you just have to you have to keep trying, you have to keep showing up. Even when you get slammed down, you have to keep showing up. We only get one chance on this planet to affect others, you know, show up so you can be there for someone else, so you can affect others, and it's it's a ripple effect.
SPEAKER_02So beautifully said, and this is just what I love about you. I really I'm hoping that people listen to this, and I know that they will, and they'll get the feel for what a gift you are to this world, not just to your family, and not just to your students, and not just to me, which also you are, but I mean just to the world, just what your presence does for lighting up the world. So thank you so much for taking time. And I know it's homecoming weekend of all weekends, and you're still giving up your time for other people, and I really, really appreciate that.
SPEAKER_00Yes, of course.
SPEAKER_02Thank you, Erin.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for everything you do and for you being there for everyone as well.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. It's my joy and it's why I'm here. All right, I'll see you again soon. Take care. Sounds good. Bye-bye. Take care. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you like this episode, please let me know. Stop by at social media on Instagram or my Facebook page, just count me in and please leave a comment. If there's anybody that you think could benefit from this episode, please forward it to them. And I look forward to seeing you next time. We're all in this together.