#75: Keep Your Spark Alive

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Dedicated to Teddy and Griffin; may you always keep your spark alive! 

What if the secret to a more fulfilling life isn't achieving more—but reconnecting with the spark you already have?

After spending time with her grandsons, Sari reflects on the contagious nature of curiosity, imagination, engagement, and joy. Drawing from neuroscience, flow research, coaching experience, and personal observation, she explores why so many adults lose touch with the activities and relationships that make them feel alive.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• The difference between stimulation and true engagement
 • Why dopamine isn't the same as fulfillment
 • The science of flow and why it matters
 • How mirror neurons and social contagion influence our energy
 • Why leaders, parents, teachers, and coaches need to protect their spark
 • Practical questions to help you reconnect with what makes you come alive

Key Question:

What helps you feel most alive?

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who could use a little more spark in their life.

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If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. If you are interested in summer coaching with Sari, or would like to offer your children this gift, please message Sari.

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Remember:

Life is always inviting us into the next version of ourselves. It already exists, we just need to align with it.

Just count me in.

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Thank you for joining me!

If this episode resonates, please share it with a friend who needs a little inspiration today!

Transcript

A Grandkid’s Spark Returns

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Transform Your Life, just Count Me In. If this is your first time, I'd like to personally welcome you to this community. I'm so glad that you're here and giving this a chance. If you're returning, thank you so much for coming back. I'm Sari Stone, and today I want to invite you into a question that's been sitting in my heart for a while. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, a business leader, an entrepreneur, a coach, a partner, or just maybe somebody who wants to live with more energy, purpose, and joy, this episode is for you. Because today's conversation isn't really about children. It was sparked by my experience with my grandchildren, but it's about all of us. A few weeks ago, I had the ultimate joy of spending some time with my grandkids, and one moment in particular stayed with me. One of my grandsons has had this incredible spark. He's really curious, imaginative. He loves to build, he loves to move, he throws himself completely into whatever captures his attention. Over the past year, I found myself wondering where some of that spark might have gone. He's six, so it was his first year in kindergarten. He seemed a little bit less engaged and a little bit less like the child I had always known. Then something remarkable happened. Once school was out, and I got to witness this because I came a week after school had gone out, and he had time to just be a kid again, to play, to explore, to move, to create, to laugh, to use his imagination. I watched that spark come back. And to be honest with you, it's not just Teddy. Over the years, I've worked with so many children and their families, and I've seen similar patterns in a number of them. I can't say the reasons are the same for every child. I'm not here to blame teachers or schools. Everybody is doing the best that they can every day. But watching Teddy reminded me of something that I really can't ignore. Our environments matter. The people around us matter. The questions we ask matter. The opportunities we have to move, create, connect, and contribute all matter. And then I realized something even bigger. This is not just a conversation about my children and my grandchildren. I've noticed business leaders who have lost their spark. I've worked with parents who feel disconnected from the joy they once had. I've met successful people who have built amazing careers but no longer feel fully alive or fully engaged in their relationships with their partner. So today I want to explore a question that connects every single stage of life. What keeps our spark alive? What does neuroscience tell us? Why do some environments bring out the best in us while others slowly drain our energy? And more importantly, how do we create lives and families and workplaces and communities where people don't just perform but come truly alive? Let's explore that

What Spark Really Means

SPEAKER_00 3:14

together. So let's start with a simple question. When I say spark, I am not talking about being happy all the time. I'm not talking about constant excitement. I'm talking about, I'm also not talking about chasing one dopamine hit after another through social media or buying something else or another achievement or another promotion or a milestone or another notification on my phone. That's stimulation and it's temporary. The spark is something a lot deeper. It's that feeling of being completely like, as Esther Hicks would say, tapped in, tuned in, turned on to your life. It's that feeling of just being completely engaged. It's curiosity, it's purpose, it's creativity and connection. It's that feeling that you're fully present in what you're doing so much that you just forget about yourself, which is wonderful, and you just go with it. You just are the experience. So have you ever been so involved in something that you completely lost track of time? Maybe you were gardening. Maybe you were coaching someone. Maybe you were building a business or painting or cooking or playing with your kids or having an incredible conversation. That's different. That's what psychologist Mahay calls flow. Those moments we are fully immersed in something meaningful. Research shows that these experiences are linked with greater well-being, learning, creativity, and performance. And I believe that's one way that the spark shows up. Our brains were designed for more than consumption. One thing I learned over decades of studying people and coaching and working with children is that our brains are really remarkable.

Neuroplasticity And Why Environment Wins

SPEAKER_00 5:12

They're constantly changing, they're constantly adapting. Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity. The experiences we have, the environments we spend time in, the people we're around, all of these things help shape our brains over time. That means environment matters more than we realize, not just for children, but for every single one of us.

Dopamine Versus Meaningful Engagement

SPEAKER_00 5:36

So let's talk about dopamine for just a minute because it's become a big buzzword. I even find myself using it a lot. And there is a difference between dopamine and aliveness. People often think dopamine is the happiness chemical, and it isn't. Dopamine is actually involved in motivation and it helps us pay attention to opportunities. It encourages us to pursue rewards and keep learning, and that's actually a wonderful thing. The problem isn't dopamine. The problem is when our brains begin chasing quick rewards instead of meaningful engagement. That is a problem. So think about it. We scroll, we click notifications, we like, we repeat, we share. Our brains get little bursts of stimulation. But afterwards, do we actually feel fulfilled or do we feel tired like we've done something? Are we feeding ourselves or are we being consumed? We usually don't feel as good as we could. Because stimulation is not the same thing as being on purpose. Entertainment is not the same thing as engagement, and distraction is not the same thing as joy. And those are strong statements, so I'm actually going to say them again. Stimulation is not the same thing as being on purpose. Entertainment is not the same thing as engagement. Distraction is not the same thing as joy.

Energy Is Contagious In Groups

SPEAKER_00 7:17

One of the things I noticed when I was with my grandkids surprised me because their energy actually affected me. Their curiosity made me feel more curious. Their imagination made me feel more playful. Their excitement made me notice things I had actually stopped paying attention to. Research into mirror neurons and social contagions suggests that human beings naturally influence one another. We know this. While scientists are still learning exactly how these system works, we know as humans that this happens. Emotions, attitudes, and behaviors very often spread through groups, just like a cold. Hope, but in a good way. Hope spreads, curiosity spreads, kindness is contagious, energy spreads. Unfortunately, on the other side of this, stress also spreads and fear spreads, negativity spreads, disengagement spreads, apathy spreads, sarcasm spreads, and that made me stop and ask another question. Who am I allowing to influence my spark? And maybe more importantly, whose spark am I influencing?

Why Kids Come Alive Off-Schedule

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Over the years I've had just the absolute honor of working with many children and their families. I'm very, very blessed that I get to do what I love to do and get paid for it. Every child is different. Every school is different. Every teacher is different. All parents are a little different, but I have noticed something that's made me increasingly curious. When many children have extended time away from the structure of the school year, like time to move, imagine, play, create, rest, explore, just be kids, I often see something begin to return. Even in my older kids and my teens and my college clients, curiosity comes back. It's like I see the life get breathed back into them. Joy, spontaneity, imagination, energy, lots and lots and lots of questions. So many questions. Creativity. Again, I'm not saying this is true for every child or that school is a cause. There are many, many wonderful teachers there creating amazing classrooms every day. But it does make me wonder what environments are helping our kids come alive? And then I realized that's really the wrong question. The better question is, what environments help people come alive? Because as adults, we are not that different.

Recognition That Actually Fills Us

SPEAKER_00 10:06

We all want to be seen, whether we're five or sixty-five, we want to be seen, we want acknowledgement, we want recognition, we want to know that we matter. Sometimes we get hooked into what's giving us that recognition, and we start looking for that recognition in places that really are not going to satisfy us. Like more money, more followers, more titles, more accomplishments, more approval. None of these things are wrong. Let me be very clear. Nothing is wrong with any of these things. But if they become the only place that we receive our sense of worth, we'll keep chasing them. Because external recognition can never completely replace internal fulfillment. Real acknowledgement sounds different. I see you. I appreciate you. You've made such a big difference. You really matter in my life. Think about how powerful those words are. And imagine building families and classrooms and businesses and communities where people regularly hear these messages. What a world it could be. Oh my gosh, the possibilities are endless.

Stress Habits That Dim Or Grow

SPEAKER_00 11:18

And another thing that neuroscience teaches us is that when we're under stress, our brains often become more efficient, meaning they do stop exploring and experimenting, and we don't take risks even if they're healthy. Instead, we go back to familiar because the brain loves familiar so that it feels safe. Sometimes that's wonderful. It can save your life. Sometimes, and usually it's not. Some people just go back to scrolling, some people go back to overworking, some people withdraw or just do something that they know they're good at, like, well, I'm not having a good day. I'm just gonna clean the house because I know I can make that happen, and literally guilty of that myself sometimes. Some people just withdraw. Some people become critical of others and some just avoid it. Other people reconnect with nature, music, exercise, their faith, family, their creativity, their sense of belonging. The question is not whether you're going to return to familiar habits or not. Most of us go back and forth. We vacillate. The question is: are the habits you're returning to helping your spark grow, or are they dimming it? Are they just to soothe you because temporarily you need something, you need some kind of acknowledgement, so you go back to something you know you're good at already? Hmm. A question for all of

Create Psychological Safety To Bloom

SPEAKER_00 12:45

us. So leadership, parenting, and life. So whether you are raising children, leading a company, teaching a classroom, coaching a client, or just trying to be the very best, happiest version of yourself, you are creating an environment. Yeah, you. Every single day. People don't respond to systems, they respond to environments, they respond to culture, they respond to encouragement and curiosity, and they respond to feeling safe enough to contribute. Psychological safety is huge. They respond to being seen. So as leaders and parents and partners and friend, maybe one of our greatest responsibilities, I'd say definitely, is not fixing people. Maybe it's more about creating environments where people really bloom.

The Questions To Find Your Flow

SPEAKER_00 13:44

So I'm gonna leave you with a few questions because I like doing that just to make you think. So when do you feel most alive? What activities make you lose track of time? Who helps your spark grow? Who leaves you feeling drained? What did you love doing when you were a kid that you stopped making time for? And what environment brings out the very best version of you? Most importantly, I'm gonna ask you what's one small change, just a small change, that you could make this week to create a little more of that environment for yourself and for someone else? Because maybe the goal is not the pursuit of happiness, it's creating the conditions where your spark naturally grows. When do you actually feel most alive? What brings out your spark? What activities make you lose track of time because you're completely engaged? And equally important, what parts of your life are quietly draining your spark? Maybe it's time for all of us to spend a little bit less time consuming and a little bit more time creating. Maybe a little bit less time reacting and a little bit more time connecting. A little less time doing what you think you should do, and a little more time doing what helps you become the best version of yourself, or just plain having fun. Because here's what I believe: your spark is not gone. It may have been buried under stress, responsibilities, disappointments, distractions, years of just surviving and being focused on that. But I promise you, if you're alive, your spark is still there. And when one person reconnects their spark, it's like lighting a candle. It doesn't just change their life, it changes everybody. The people that they run into at the food store, it changes people that they see on a run, their family, the workplace, their relationships, their community. Just like I felt my grandson's joy and curiosity reignite something inside of me, and I had so much fun. Your Spark has the power to inspire someone else. We never know who's watching, learning, or finding hope just because we chose to show up fully alive.

Coaching Invite And Final Charge

SPEAKER_00 16:28

If today's episode resonated with you and you're looking for someone to help you reconnect with your own Spark or help your child, your teen, or your family thrive, I would be absolutely honored to walk alongside you. This summer a lot of my students are traveling, so I have a few openings for one-on-one coaching and tutoring for students who actually just want to build their confidence and strengthen their skills and rediscover the joy of growing and learning without the distraction of being fully immersed in school. It's a wonderful confidence builder and it's so relaxing for them. Whether you're a business leader seeking more purpose, a parent navigating a challenge, a young adult searching for direction, or a student who just needs the right support, trust me, I would love to help. It's why I'm here. You can find my coaching and tutoring information in the show notes or connect with me through my WhatsApp or message me on LinkedIn. If this episode encouraged you, please, please do your part and share it with someone who could use a reminder that their spark is still there too. It's 4th of July. I think it's time for all of us to bring it on. Thank you again for spending this time with me today. I really do appreciate you. And until next time, remember, transformation doesn't have to happen all at once. It's maybe a lot of moments put together. It happens one choice, one conversation, one little spark at a time. I'm Sari Stone, and this is Transform Your Life. Just Count Me In. I will see you next week.