#77: The Family Patterns You Don't Even Know You Are Repeating. Leaving The Line

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What if the life you've always dreamed of isn't waiting at the end of the line everyone else is standing in?

Many of us inherit more than our family's eye color—we inherit beliefs about money, success, relationships, work, fear, and what's "possible." Some of those beliefs helped previous generations survive. But they don't have to define your future.

In this episode of Transform Your Life: Just Count Me In, Sari Stone explores what it means to leave the line—to honor those who came before you while choosing a different path toward greater freedom, purpose, and possibility.

Drawing from her own journey, her grandparents' immigration to America, and inspiring stories from history and the remarkable guests she's interviewed, Sari explains why courage often requires stepping away from what's familiar—and why that's exactly where growth begins.

You'll also learn the neuroscience behind why change feels so uncomfortable, why our brains are wired to conform, and how every courageous choice strengthens new pathways that make future growth easier.

Whether you're starting a business, changing careers, becoming sober, ending generational patterns of poverty or abuse, improving your relationships, or simply deciding to stop settling for less, this episode will remind you that someone has to be the first.

Why not you?

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why we naturally follow "the line"
 • How family beliefs shape our lives
 • The neuroscience of courage and conformity
 • The hidden price—and incredible reward—of choosing a different path
 • Why honoring your ancestors doesn't mean repeating their limitations
 • Reflection questions to help you identify the line you're ready to leave

You don't stand in your ancestors' shadow. You stand on their shoulders.

If this episode inspired you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to step into the life that's waiting on the other side of the line.

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Thank you for joining me!

If this episode resonates, please share it with a friend who needs a little inspiration today!

Transcript

Welcome And The Line Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome. Welcome to Transform Your Life, Just Count Me In. I'm Sari Stone and I'm your host. I want to thank you so much for joining us. And if you're joining us for the first time, thank you and welcome to this community. If you're coming back again, thank you so much for spending your time in this way. I think you're gonna get a lot out of this episode. Have you ever stood in a long line and just wondered if everyone knew something that you didn't know? We naturally assume that the crowd is headed in the right direction, but what if they're like just following the person in front of them? What if the life you always wanted isn't waiting at the end of a line that everyone else seems to be standing in? What if it's behind door number three or a backstage pass, maybe even, that nobody is really willing to open? What if where you want to go isn't the direction that the line is facing, but you've just been too caught up in following the person in front of you? Today's episode is about leaving the line. It's about leaving expectations, it's about leaving fear, leaving your inherited limitations, which I had done ancestral clearing last year, and it was a huge, huge process for me. Not because you don't appreciate where you came from, but because you appreciate it enough that you want to build on it. Sometimes honoring your family means continuing their traditions, definitely. Sometimes honoring your family means becoming the first person who has the guts to create a new life. This podcast today is for you. If you know you're meant for more, but you feel a little bit guilty wanting it sometimes. It's meant for entrepreneurs out there building something that no one around them necessarily understands. Parents who are really, really determined to end unhealthy family patterns, professionals who know that they're staying in their wrong career or just checking the boxes and really inside a part of them is dying. Maybe you're somebody who just hears, be realistic, be real, put strings on that idea. Anyone who feels pulled towards a different life but worries about disappointing others, anyone who's ready to honor their family sacrifices by building on them rather than by being limited by them. So you want to stand on their shoulders, not live to their limitations. And by the end of this episode, I believe you're going to understand why leaving the familiar feels so frightening, even when it's the right choice, and learn the neuroscience behind the courage, conformity, and growth that you're going through. And hopefully you'll recognize some of your inherited beliefs that may be limiting your future. I came across a quote in this little quote box that actually one of my students gave me, and it said, You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is. And I love that thought because the fruit never grows at the trunk of the tree. It grows out on the branches. And the farther out you go, the more vulnerable you become. And you know, if you've ever climbed a tree, this is true. But also, that's where the sweetest part of the life of the tree grows. That's where the fruit grows. Most people never even reach that fruit because they are afraid to leave the safety of the trunk. Or more importantly, some people will not even climb the tree. And we all stand in lines. We inherit more than our eye color from family.

Inherited Beliefs And Family Stories

SPEAKER_00 3:56

We inherit family beliefs and money stories, relational patterns, we inherit work ethics, we inherit fears, we inherit dreams, we inherit limitations, and we inherit a lot, a lot of messages. Too many messages to list here, but some of them might sound like people like us don't, or our family has always, or be realistic, or don't get too big, or we don't rock the boat. Sometimes those beliefs protected earlier generations, and I do respect that, but I don't believe that they're meant to define my generation now. My parents, my grandparents actually left Romania, and when I think about it, they were 18 and 19, and I think about what that required. They left what was left of their family. They left language that they knew, they left the only culture that they had ever been raised on. They left everything familiar. And I am sure some people, because I still have family back in Romania and Russia, I'm sure there were some people who questioned them. Some people probably thought they were making a mistake. Some people thought that they were going to be in danger because of it. Some people thought that they were abandoning the family. But because they had the courage to leave the line, generations later, I had the opportunities that they could only dream about. The greatest way that I can honor the courage of my grandparents is not by limiting my life. It's by using the opportunities that they sacrificed to give me. Every generation should have something better and should leave something better for the next. My husband left the line when he chose to stop cycles of abuse and alcohol in his family, and he's actually the first person that was really successful, not only materialistically, but in a way that he lives his life and expresses himself in his relationships. I've

Choosing Differently In Real Life

SPEAKER_00 6:09

had to leave the line several times myself. I didn't wait until retiring before I decided to start living differently. I left behind familiarity of where I was living for almost 30 years and moved to South Carolina. Before that, I had left behind two other states that I was familiar with and moved. And I'm not saying these things are necessarily right for everybody, but I'm saying follow what's right for you. For me, it was right to rebuild and start a new business. For some people, it's not. But the point is, are you happy with where you are? Do you feel aligned or do you feel like you might get to your end of the life of your life and be saying something like, I never quite got it figured out what I wanted to do. Sometimes you leave a line and you have to go back. And that did happen to me because I figured out what I really wanted to do. I didn't go to college because I knew what I didn't want. What I didn't want was more school right out of high school. And what I did want was to see the country. By me not going to college after I graduated, it that decision was so frowned upon in my family. That was not what we did at all. And college was such a huge opportunity that not everybody had had. Not where I used to live, but where I somehow ended up. So sometimes God makes my plans. Always God makes my plans. I got back in line, but only after realizing that I couldn't do what I wanted to do without the education degree for it. But I had to see this on my own, or I always would have wondered. I left the line when I stopped partying with people. Not meaning I don't enjoy going to parties, but meaning alcohol and that whole thing. And that made people really, really uncomfortable around me. For a while, none of these decisions were easy. Every single one of them required stepping away from what was expected. And that to me felt like I knew I was going to be rejected by some people. But inside of me, I always realized that I have to accept myself. And if I did those other things, I would actually be rejecting myself. Every single time I've left the line, it eventually has led to more freedom. Then I think about the guests that I've interviewed on this podcast, and one thing I've noticed interviewing entrepreneurs and thought leaders is almost every one of them, actually, I'm going to correct that, every one of them left the line. Max left Germany and built a whole life around purpose and flow. Zach left behind what was already good, and he created something that is unquestionably great and ever expanding. It just keeps getting better and better. And he helps others break through too. Stuart, who you're going to be hearing from next week, left behind old beliefs about success and he gained and lost millions and found something much deeper. Others have walked away from careers, from countries, from relationships, from expectations, from identities that no longer fit, from addictions that they had. None of them necessarily were hating where they came from. They just stopped believing that their yesterdays had to define their tomorrows.

The Hidden Cost Of Stepping Out

SPEAKER_00 10:17

There is a price for leaving the line. So let's just be honest. Leaving the line creates dissonance. It costs something. People often misunderstand you. Some will tell you you're making a mistake. Others may shame you because your courage might remind them of dreams that they've abandoned. Like, who are you to do this? Do you think you're better than we are? Sometimes the people who love you most actually can become the loudest voices in telling you to stay exactly where you are. And it's not because they don't love you, it's honestly because they're afraid and they don't really understand what they're afraid of, but their fear almost gets disguised as advice. So you may lose relationships. You're definitely going to lose certainty for a little while. You may lose your old identity. You have to, but you gain something priceless. You gain you, you gain yourself. There

Neuroscience Of Courage And Conformity

SPEAKER_00 11:18

is a neuroscience behind courage because I needed to look that up to find out what exactly and why is it so hard. What exactly is happening here? There's actually a biological reason that this feels so different. Your brain is designed to keep you alive, not necessarily help you grow. The amygdala constantly scans for danger, and that's good. It's doing its job. Thousands of years ago, being rejected by your tribe could possibly mean death. Today your brain still reacts to social rejection as though it's a survival threat. That's why changing careers, moving countries, moving states, starting a business, just being different can feel terrifying. It's not weakness in you when you feel that way. I want you to hear this loud and clear. It's part of your biology. The really good news is that your brain is also designed to change. Every courageous decision strengthens new neural pathways in your brain. Every time you survive something doing something uncomfortable, your brain learns, hey, I can do hard things. Confidence doesn't come first. And this is what we were taught. Get up the confidence and do it, and then you'll be confident. It's more like courage comes first. Confidence follows experience. When we start doing it, we become confident. Psychologist Solomon Ashe made a decision about these famous experiments and publicized them where people knowingly gave the wrong answers simply because everyone else in the room did. We all feel the pressure to belong. But belonging should never cost you becoming who you're meant to be. Sometimes you've got to disappoint the crowd to stop disappointing yourself. History

Breakthroughs Require Disappointing The Crowd

SPEAKER_00 13:15

is full of people who chose the harder path. Rosa Parks didn't accept that place society assigned her. John Newton, after participating in slave trade, he had a successful career going. He radically changed his life in the middle of a storm on his slave ship and wrote Amazing Grace. He then became an abolitionist against slavery. Walt Disney was told that he lacked imagination and went bankrupt before he created one of the world's most beloved companies. The Wright brothers ignored experts who insist human flight was impossible. Every one of them heard some version of stay in line. Every one of them stepped away. Even Oprah Winfrey was told she wasn't pretty enough for television. The same principle applies in business. There is not an innovative company out there that was created by copying other people. Every single breakthrough starts with someone being willing to hear that's never going to work. If you are building a business that reflects your heart and your gifts, don't expect everybody to understand it because they won't. Vision almost always looks unreasonable to some people before it becomes obvious. That just fits business perfectly. The companies changing industries left the line. The entrepreneurs succeeding left the line. The innovators left the line. Every single breakthrough starts with someone who is willing to hear that won't work. Leaving generational patterns is hard. We can leave patterns of poverty, patterns of addiction, patterns of abuse, patterns of just being miserable. It just goes on and on. Patterns of not supporting children in the way that they need to be supportive. And families, parents, teachers, everybody right now is very focused on this generation that's coming up and meeting their needs and helping them to become and evolve the best versions of themselves and not just to be frank, mucking it up with our old beliefs. So leaving family patterns can be really scary.

Questions To Find Your Right Line

SPEAKER_00 15:44

You might ask yourself some questions like, where am I standing in line just because everyone else is? What's at the end of this line? And what belief have I inherited from my ancestors that doesn't really serve me? What dreams are knocking on the door of my heart right now? And then I ask myself things like, who's actually benefiting by me staying small? Because it does benefit some people. And who actually benefits if I become fully myself? And the answer to that is you have no idea. You have no idea until you do it how many people's lives you are going to help transform and inspire by becoming yourself. So if fear wasn't making this decision for you, what would you decide? I am not asking you to lead the line recklessly. That's a very bad idea. I'm asking you to just look up because sometimes we spend so much time just watching the backs of the heads of the people in front of us that we forget to ask and make sure that we are in the right line for us. The life we want may not be at the end of the line you're standing in. It may be behind a door no one else is walking towards. Sometimes faith is not really taking a giant leap. Sometimes it's just having the courage to get out of line.

Standing On Shoulders Across Generations

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I remember being little and being up on my dad's shoulders, and when my legs were tired, and sometimes when they weren't, sometimes I would say they were tired and just wanted a ride, I would ride up on his shoulders, and I loved it because I could see so far. So I imagine a parent lifting a child onto their shoulders and the child seeing farther than the parent, not because the child is taller or wiser, but because someone lifted them up. This is what every single generation is meant to do. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. My grandparents gave me a view they never had. My parents gave me opportunities they never had. Now it's my turn to see farther still. Not because I'm any better, but because I was lifted. And if I choose not to use that higher perspective, then the sacrifices they made don't continue to multiply. Each generation is supposed to become a launching pad for the next. Leaving the line does not always look like success. Sometimes it isn't becoming wealthy. Sometimes it's becoming healthy. It's becoming peaceful. It's becoming sober. It's becoming the first person in your family to go to college or not to go to college. Sometimes it's being the first entrepreneur. Sometimes it's ending generations of abuse. Sometimes it's refusing to pass trauma to your children. Sometimes it's learning how to love without control. Sometimes it's ending cycles of poverty. Sometimes it's choosing abundance over martyrdom. Sometimes it's saying the pain stops with me. And that's one of the bravest sentences any human being can ever say. What's the line you're leaving? Maybe your family taught you something like we don't talk about feelings, or we don't need to ask for help, or when we work hard, that's our success. Money's always a struggle. Success changes people. People like us never. You fill in the blank. Because those beliefs, at some point in your generational history, helped somebody survive. But survival is not the same as living, and we are in our times now. We're in new territory. You can honor the people who carried those beliefs while choosing beliefs that help your children flourish. You don't stand on your ancestors' shadow. You stand on their shoulders. Every single generation should inherit the wisdom of the last, not its limitations. The goal isn't to become the most successful person in your family. The goal is to become the healthiest, most authentic version of yourself so that generations after you inherit more freedom than fear, more possibility than limitation, more love than survival. And that is how we honor the people who can't be for us. We don't simply repeat their story, we pick up the pencil and write the next chapter. Their dream wasn't for you to repeat their struggle. Their dream was for you to have the freedom to choose. Honor them, yes, but don't confuse honoring their sacrifice with limiting your own future. Sometimes the greatest way to thank someone who came before us is to become the person they hoped someone in the family would one day have the courage to be. And that's what I believe about leaving the line. I want to give you one final thought. Maybe your grandparents crossed an ocean. Maybe your parents had to work three jobs. Maybe someone before you survived poverty, addiction, heartbreak, discrimination, fought or war, their greatest hope probably was not that you would repeat their struggle. It was that someday someone in the family would have the freedom to rise, the freedom to choose differently. Maybe that someone is you. You don't dishonor your ancestors by growing beyond where they stopped. You actually honor them by carrying their courage forward. Someone has to be first. Someone has to leave the line. Why not you? Because on the other side of that line, it isn't just success. It's freedom. It's purpose. It's the life that's been waiting for you all along.

Closing And Share With A Friend

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Thank you so much for joining me today on Transform Your Life. Just count me in. If this episode encouraged you in any way, please share it with someone who's standing at a crossroads or maybe just standing in line and their foot is itching to get off. Remember, you don't need the crowd's permission to step into the life that you were created to live. Until next time, keep growing, keep trusting yourself, and as always, just count me in.