#79: The Freedom To Appreciate: Finding Joy Without Waiting for Life to Change

Have you ever stopped to wonder if you're truly appreciating your life—or simply reacting to it?

In this episode of Transform Your Life: Just Count Me In, Sari Stone explores the profound difference between gratitude and appreciation and why this simple shift in perspective can transform your relationships, leadership, parenting, and even the way you experience yourself.

Appreciation isn't toxic positivity. It's not pretending everything is okay or putting a smiley face on an empty gas tank. It's learning to see clearly, respond intentionally, and recognize the value that already exists—even in life's challenges.

Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, leadership principles, and spiritual wisdom, Sari shares how appreciation helps us move beyond constant reaction and into conscious awareness.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why appreciation goes deeper than gratitude
• How your brain's negativity bias influences your relationships
• Why appreciation is one of the most powerful leadership skills
• How appreciating children builds confidence and resilience
• The role appreciation plays in healthier marriages and friendships
• Why difficult emotions can become valuable messengers
• How "God's Got It" became a daily reminder to release control and trust the next step

This episode is an invitation to stop focusing on what's missing and begin seeing the gifts, strengths, and opportunities that have been there all along.

Reflection Questions

• Am I appreciating life or simply reacting to it?
• What person in my life needs to know they are appreciated for who they are?
• What challenge is inviting me to grow instead of just survive?
• Where am I focusing on what's missing instead of what's already present?
• What do I appreciate about myself today?

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a new perspective.

Because sometimes the greatest transformation doesn't happen when life changes...

It happens when we change the way we see life.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Big Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, welcome back to Transform Your Life. Just Count Me In, or welcome if it's your very first time joining us. I want to thank you either way. This episode is probably going to change the way you look at things as far as are you appreciating life or just reacting to it. And it's designed to actually help you enhance your relationship with yourself, enhance your relationship with employees, with your kids, with your parents, with your partner. It's designed to really help in all ways. So let's just dive in. I want to ask about something that I think has the power to change every single relationship in your life, including the one you have with yourself.

Appreciation Defined Without Pretending

SPEAKER_00 0:47

This week we're going to talk about appreciation. Before you think that this episode is another episode about gratitude journals, which I strongly subscribe to, or thinking about thoughts that make you feel better, which again is a way of life for me. Stay with me. That is not where we're going today. I think appreciation might possibly be one of the most misunderstood words we use. I, for a long time, it's taken me weeks to do this episode just to tease out the difference between appreciation and gratitude. Because many people think appreciation means pretending everything is wonderful, putting a smile on your face, just ignoring your problems, looking at the bright side. That is not appreciation. It might contain some appreciation, but appreciation in some ways is the opposite of that. Because appreciation is seeing clearly, it's becoming fully present with what's actually here instead of immediately judging it, resisting it, or wishing it was different. And try that one on. It's not as easy as it

The Empty Gas Tank Lesson

SPEAKER_00 1:58

sounds. Here's an example that um Esther Hicks shared in her podcast, and I couldn't think of a better one, and I'm just going to share it with you. She says, if your gas tank is empty, you don't put a smiley face sticker on the gauge and tell yourself everything is wonderful. No, you appreciate that your car is communicating something important. It's saying, hey, you need gas. And because you listened, you can respond. That's appreciation. Not denial, not fake positivity.

Gratitude Vs Appreciation In Real Life

SPEAKER_00 2:32

It's awareness. You may be wondering, isn't appreciation just another word for gratitude? Which I was thinking too. They're so close and in some ways they're intermeshed, or maybe another word for love. All are beautiful, but I think appreciation goes deeper. Gratitude very often focuses on what I've received. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my students. I am grateful for the opportunity to bring this podcast. I'm grateful that my friends showed up for me, and that's wonderful. Appreciation notices value before anything changes. I appreciate who you are. I appreciate this very moment. I appreciate what this challenge right now is teaching me. I appreciate my body for carrying me through every season of my life. Appreciation, you notice, doesn't seem to require perfection. It just requires attention. It asks, what am I willing and able to truly see? And that question really has had the power to change everything.

Your Brain’s Bias Toward Problems

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Our brains are wired to notice problems because thousands of years ago that's what kept us going. Today, it just keeps us stressed. One criticism really outweighs ten compliments. One hard conversation can replay in my mind all day. One mistake can turn into our identity. Our brain is not messed up, it's not broken, it's just doing what it evolved to do, which means appreciation technically isn't natural. It's intentional. It's training ourselves to notice the whole picture instead of what's wrong.

Self Appreciation Before Achievement

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Let's start with the hardest relationship. The one that no matter what else could be working for us, if this one is wrong, your life is not well. That's the relationship with yourself. How many of us only appreciate ourselves after we have accomplished something? After we've lost weight, after we built our business or made our first million, after we raised kids who were doing well, after, after, after, finally arrived. But what if appreciation came first? What if instead of constantly asking what's wrong with me, we asked, what is already worthy of appreciation? Maybe I appreciate my resilience. I appreciate that at least I keep learning. I appreciate that I have not given up. We are so busy trying to become someone else and always a better version of ourselves that sometimes we, myself included, forget to appreciate who we truly are. And this can really work

A Relationship Shifts With Attention

SPEAKER_00 5:34

for you. I have someone who I am close with, I'm in a relationship with this person, and we see each other not that often, a few times a year, but we communicate more than that. And I really love this person, and we trigger each other, like no matter how much work we both do, it just seems to happen time after time after time. And lately, the past few months, I've been trying to just think before I get on the phone, what do I absolutely love about this person? And there are many things. It's not always what comes out of their mouth, but there are many things about them that I absolutely love. And to tell you the truth, I think it's shifting my energy because our conversations have been better and our conflicts have been getting less and less and almost totally dissolved. And I think it's because I shift my energy, my vibrations, so that when I am talking to them, I'm actually really focused on the parts of them that I love and like and attracted me to them to begin with, to be friends with them.

Chronic Stress And Coming Home

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Now, chronic stress. So one of the biggest sources of stress today isn't simply that life is busy. It's that we are always trying to be someone who we think we should be. We compare ourselves, even if it's to the person we're becoming. We perform, we try to meet everyone's expectations. Sometimes we even abandon ourselves to try to fit into someone else's definition of enough. No wonder we're tired. Appreciation invites me back home, back home to myself. It says, hey, this is who I am today, and this is where I begin today. Not from shame, but from acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean that we stop growing. It means we stop fighting ourselves while we grow. We stop resisting as we're growing.

Seeing Loved Ones For Who They Are

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Think about the people that are closest to you. Just take a minute. Think about your partner, your best friend, your siblings. How often do we appreciate them just for who they are, not for doing something for us, not for remembering our birthday or taking out the garbage or making a nice dinner, or because they are great at solving problems, but simply because they exist in our lives. Think about saying things like, I so appreciate how thoughtful you are, I really appreciate your sense of humor. I appreciate how safe I always feel around you. Everybody wants to be seen, and appreciation is one of the purest, realest ways to tell somebody I see you.

Kids Thrive When We Notice Strengths

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Now, as a coach and an educator, I think this is especially important with children. Really, in the beginning, it's really easy to get focused on what needs fixing. And I mean, kids come to me for all different reasons. Maybe homework, maybe attitude, maybe executive functioning skills, maybe anxiety, motivation, screen time. But children become who we consistently tell them they are. If all they hear is correction, they begin believing that they're a problem to be fixed. And they begin believing that they're not enough just because of who they are, that they're here. What if every correction was balanced in some way with appreciation? Like I really appreciate your curiosity. I appreciate your kindness. I appreciate that you kept trying even when it was hard. I appreciate that you admitted that even though it was something you'd rather hadn't happened. Appreciation does not lower expectations at all. It actually strengthens us in a strange way because it strengthens identities. Children who feel seen become adults who know their worth.

Appreciation As A Leadership Skill

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Let's talk about business a little bit because appreciation is not just a nice idea, like most appreciated employee of the month or teacher appreciation week. I'm not discounting those ideas, but I'm saying it's actually a powerful leadership skill. People don't want just a paycheck anymore. They want to matter. Employees rarely give their best to leaders who only notice mistakes. Great leaders notice strengths. Great leaders notice potential. Great leaders notice character and effort. And once you feel appreciated when you're working somewhere, appreciation creates trust. Trust creates engagement. Engagement creates performance, and people grow when they feel valued. It's like a little flow chart. That's what I wrote when I was doing the notes for this podcast. It's a little flow chart. So imagine just walking into where you work tomorrow, asking, who can I generally appreciate today? Not flatter, not manipulate, just appreciate. That kind of thing really changes culture. Appreciation doesn't ask how can I make this different. It first asks, how can I see this clearly? Because what we see clearly, we can respond to wisely. And here's where this gets real interesting.

Can We Appreciate Problems

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Can we appreciate problems? Now, I'm not saying that we enjoy suffering. I don't think anybody does unless you're a masochist, but every challenge carries information. Anger might be revealing a boundary issue. Fear might be inviting courage. Jealousy can show you a dream that you've ignored in yourself. Disappointment may show us what really matters. The emotion isn't always the enemy. Sometimes the emotion is the indicator, it's the messenger. Appreciate asks, what are you here to teach me? Instead of why is this happening to me? Those are really

Emotions As Messengers Not Enemies

SPEAKER_00 12:06

different questions and they're going to produce very different results. I have a little post-it for the last week and I've just been putting it up and remembering, and it says three words, God's got it. Because sometimes my mind starts going, what if this happens? What if this doesn't work? What if I fail at this? I get the what-ifs. Then that little post-it reminds me, hey, you do your part, take the next step, let go of it, because God's got it. This does not mean that I stop taking action. It means I stop carrying the weight of trying to control everything, and there is such a piece to that. I think appreciation is less about feeling

Letting Go With God’s Got It

SPEAKER_00 12:50

and more about seeing. It's how we look at our children, how we look at our business, how we see our spouse, our health, our mistakes, how we see our future, even ourselves.

Practice Appreciation Instead Of Judgment

SPEAKER_00 13:06

When we appreciate, we stop living from constant reaction and we start to live from conscious response. This week, maybe practice appreciation instead of judgment. I have literally tried so many times to go without making any judgments during the week on anything, big or small. I don't consider myself a judgmental person, but I'll tell you what, check it out, try it for a week. It is very hard. I continue to work on that. Practice appreciation a little bit more instead of judgment. Maybe flip to that if you catch yourself judging. Choose one person or one circumstance every day that you appreciate. And if it's a person, let them know that it really has nothing to do with what they accomplished. And please, please choose yourself. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and finish the sentence. Today I appreciate myself for. Notice what comes up. Notice if it feels uncomfortable to say that or if it's easy. Just notice. Because awareness is where your transformation begins. If you only remember one thing from today, please remember this. Where your attention goes, your relationships go. Where your attention goes, your business goes. Where your attention goes, your parenting goes. Where your attention goes, your peace goes. Appreciation is choosing where to place your attention. What are you paying attention to? What are you feeding? What are you actually rehearsing and what are you appreciating? What are you avoiding? What are you reacting to? Attention is the common thread through neuroscience, leadership, parenting, relationships, coaching, and spirituality. Let's try diving in.

Attention Shapes Everything And Farewell

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Thank you so much for joining me today on Transform Your Life, Just Count Me. And please remember to hit the subscribe button and please remember to share this with someone if it resonated with you. It really supports the podcast. Appreciation is not about changing reality, it's about changing the way we meet reality. If you haven't already, please leave a review. This helps and it helps us grow this community of people who are committed to living with more intention, more awareness, and more heart. And remember, life doesn't always change because our circumstances change. Sometimes life changes despite any change in circumstances. It changes because we do. And sometimes it starts with something simple and as profound as appreciation. Until next time, keep growing, keep evolving, and as always, just count me in.