THI's Live Transformed Podcast

55. Rebuilding Your Health After Years of Neglect Episode 1: How to Begin Again Without Burnout, Shame, or Regret

• Adam Kelley • Episode 55

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We lay out a humane plan to rebuild health after years of neglect by dropping shame, rejecting all-or-nothing rules, and choosing small, flexible actions that fit real life. You get a four-step framework to restart with confidence and build self-trust that sticks.

• why shame and regret stall change
• how self-compassion improves consistency
• the failure of all-or-nothing plans
• the “always something” alternative
• small wins that rebuild self-trust
• a four-step reset: decide, simplify, stack wins, expect imperfection
• why lifting is a high-leverage first anchor
• foundations before overhauls
• a fire-building analogy for momentum
• practical examples for workouts and nutrition

If you want help building a restart plan that works in real life, that's exactly what we do at Transform Health Initiative. So when you're ready, we will help you live transformed!

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References for Show Notes:

  • Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity.


  • Sniehotta, F. F., et al. (2005). Behavioral strategies for physical activity in adults: a systematic review of intervention studies. Psychology & Health.


  • Transformed Health Initiative client outcomes.




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SPEAKER_01:

So, if that's you, if you fall into this category and you're like me, then hear me clearly. You are not broken and you're not too far gone. You can begin again. Okay. If you are breathing air, if the most high has given you grace to live another day, you can do something about your health. I promise you. I don't care where you're at. You may not be able to undo everything. You may not be able to reverse certain things, but you can make yourself better than you are today. That I can promise you.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Live Transformed, the podcast from Transformed Health Initiative, where evidence-based truth meets real life transformation. Lead yourself, integrate health, value what matters, engage in the process. This is how you live transformed. And now here's your host, Adam Kelly.

SPEAKER_01:

What is up, my Live Transformed Family? So glad you guys took time out of your day or out of your night to tune in to this episode of the podcast. Rather, if you're listening to it when it's released, a month later, years later, I'm so glad that you're here. I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you for giving me your ear and allowing me to speak truth and hope and just reality into your journey so that you don't make all the mistakes that I and so many of my clients made for so long and took so long to get it right. You have the opportunity to skip a lot of that or at least minimize it and benefit. So so glad you guys are here at the Live Transform Podcast. I'm your host, Coach Adam McKelly, and today, guess what, guys? Guess what? We are starting a brand new series that I think is gonna hit home for a lot of you, okay? Right for my people. And that is rebuilding your health after years of neglect. Okay, so last series we just came out of was Fat Loss After 40, the tools and how to do it, okay. Basically, so that was all about fat loss specifically. Now we're gonna talk about rebuilding your health, okay? Your health is trashed. Now it's time to rebuild. So this series is for anyone who feels like they've drifted, they've struggled, or they flat out have given up on their health at some point. Okay, maybe now, maybe in the past. Maybe you've been caught in cycles of dieting and quitting, okay? The yo-yo cycle. Maybe life got busy, career, kids, stress, and health slid to the back burner. A lot of us start to not prioritize ourselves because we have so many other obligations in life, but that's a big mistake. Or maybe you've been through pain or illness or trauma or major injuries that left you feeling like you've lost yourself. Okay. And I can promise you, the reason I can speak on this, the reason why I feel qualified to speak on this is because I have been in every one of those shoes that I just mentioned, okay? Been there, done that, have the receipts, and here we are. So I feel like I'm definitely qualified to speak on this subject. So if that's you, if you fall into this category and you're like me, then hear me clearly. You are not broken and you're not too far gone. You can begin again, okay? If you are breathing air, if the most high has given you grace to live another day, you can do something about your health. I promise you. I don't care where you're at. You may not be able to undo everything, you may not be able to reverse certain things, but you can make yourself better than you are today. That I can promise you. So today's episode is about how to restart without burning out, without drowning in shame, and without dragging the weight of regret into your next chapter. Starting with a fresh perspective and a fresh mentality. Okay, this is so important, guys. Please, please do not skip this step. No matter what you do, start with this episode. Don't skip around, guys. Start with this one because this is setting the groundwork for everything that is gonna transform who you are. Okay. So this first part we're gonna talk about is why shame and regret keep you stuck. Okay. We're gonna just dig into the pain here, all right. So we're gonna start here because this is where most people live, all right, either short term or long term. So when you've neglected your health for a long time, it's easy to beat yourself up, right? I can't believe I've let it get this bad, or I've failed so many times. Why even try again? Or I used to be disciplined. What happened to me? Like we've all experienced these feelings, okay? If you've been on this journey for any given time, especially in a long term. But here's the truth, all right? Shame doesn't drive change, it paralyzes it, okay? Shame is our enemy. And the research backs this up. So studies on self-compassion show that people who forgive themselves for slip-ups actually recover faster and stick with their goals longer than people who punish themselves, all right. Shame all it does is it fuels quitting, all right. It is the fuel for quitting. Self-compassion fuels consistency, it fuels getting right back up and right back to those things we know we need to be doing. And regret, all right, regret keeps you living in the past. You cannot get past it. You replay old failures instead of building new wins. The longer you stare backwards, the less energy you have to move forward. Okay. So we want to keep our eyes on the prize, accept what was, analyze what could have been done better, but then move forward. Get out of the past and start living the now, preparing for the future. Okay. So here's the reframe: your past attempts weren't wasted. Okay, it was not a wash, regardless if it felt like it was, it wasn't. Why? Because they were data points, especially if you did any kind of tracking of anything during this period or those times. Every failure taught you something. What doesn't work, what triggers you, what burns you out. And now you get to use that data to build a smarter restart, okay? Learning from the past. That's what makes the past not a mistake. That's why, you know, like they say, you know, I don't take losses, I take lessons. If you turn your losses into a lesson, it becomes a blessing. Oh, I need to put that on a shirt. That's good. All right. So, next up, the problem with the all or nothing restart. Okay, you guys have heard me. If you've been following, if you've been listening to the episodes, bless your heart. Thank you. If you've been following along, I've talked a lot about this all or nothing mentality. And it's always going to come up in discussions because it is one of the biggest cripplers in our society. So when most people finally decide to restart, they go all in, right? A new diet, new workouts, new supplements, new rules. Day one looks like a complete overhaul. Okay. And then what happens? You tell me from your experience. Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me. Let me just continue. Two weeks later, they're exhausted, they're hungry, they're frustrated, and back at square one, restarting on Monday again. Why? Because the all or nothing mindset sets you up to fail. All right. Life will always throw curveballs, work deadlines, family emergencies, travel stress. If your plan can't bend, then it breaks. I've seen this a million times, just within myself, not even with clients. I've seen it with clients, but even with myself, I've seen this over and over again. So, what works instead? The always something approach, okay? Always something instead of all or nothing. So instead of I'll work out six days a week, that's my mistake because my my neck, the surgeries I've had, I can only handle so much training per week. And I would train eight days a week if my body would let me. So sometimes I get comfortable and like things are feeling good. I'm like, hey, let me push it up and we'll go to six days per week. Always backfires. So again, speaking from experience, but instead of saying I'll work out six days a week, a week, you could say, I'm gonna move my body most days, even if it's just a 10-minute walk. Okay, having some sort of standard that's implemented. Instead of I'll cut out all carbs and sugar forever. Say I'll focus on protein and whole foods at most meals. Guess what's gonna naturally happen? You're gonna naturally start cutting out some of those unnecessary carbs and unnecessary sugar because you're focusing on the good things, okay? Instead of I'll lose 30 pounds in 30 days, get beach ready a month before. Say, I'll commit to building habits, I can still do a year from now. I'm not having to continuously work for my beach bod every year. I'm just gonna maintain a healthy place. So if anything, I just clean it up a little bit and I'm good to go. So here's a client example. I'm not gonna name any names here, but here's a client example for you, okay? I've seen people start with nothing more than just a daily walk and adding one source of protein at lunch. All right. That doesn't sound sexy, right? Doesn't sound impressive, doesn't sound challenging at all, doesn't even sound motivating, but two months later, they're down inches, they have more energy, and they trust themselves again. That's the power of small, consistent wins. Okay, it's building yourself up to become something better. Not just doing something in the meantime for a measly outcome in a short amount of time. Look, I know what it feels like to be frustrated with your health, trust me. To feel like you're doing everything right, but nothing seems to be sticking. That's why our coaching isn't about perfection. It's about building a system that works even when life gets messy. At Transform Health Initiative, we help busy adults rebuild their health, rewire their habits, and redefine their identity without shame, without overwhelm, and without starting over every Monday. If you're tired of trying to do it all on your own, we're here when you're ready. All right, back to the episode. So the bottom line, guys, don't try to fix everything at once. All right, focus on the next doable step. Build momentum, let progress compound, okay? Better than yesterday. 1% better every day accumulates to a large improvement over time. All right. So next we're gonna look at a framework for restarting right. Okay, now let's get some structure. Now we've talked about some of the negative. Let's work on some application here. So, how you actually begin again in a way that lasts. How do we do this, huh? So here's the framework we use inside T Chai, and you can apply this right now. Okay, I'm giving you these nuggets for free. You better use it because I charge a lot of money for what I'm about to give you. Okay, not a lot of money, but it is an investment. You know, when you guys skin in the game, tends to make us a little bit more accountable when we actually have something to lose. But I want to help you guys out because you took the time to listen in. You guys are rocking with me, so I want to give you as much value as I can. So step number one is decide. Okay, sounds simple, but let me explain. Number one is decide, not dabble, not try, not have good intentions, but decide, okay? Decide that your health is non-negotiable. And at this time, it's not about quick fixes, it's about rebuilding your life. Okay, this is non-negotiable, life or death, okay. That doesn't mean all or nothing. That means understanding that you've put this off for so long, it's been a negotiable for so long that you're now deciding, you know what, no matter what happens, I am going to transform one day at a time, one habit at a time, will you? One habit per month, will you? But I am going to change. It is non-negotiable. Step two is simplify. Pick one or two anchors, okay? Not trying to overall our whole life in one day. Pick one or two anchors: sleep, protein, walking, lifting. Don't stack 10 things at once, okay? Simplicity is what prevents overwhelm and burnout. All right. So if you're maybe you're doing one of these or a couple of these, then add another one. That that you're only adding one thing that's new, regardless of how many habits you already have established. Because the habits you have established are easy, you know, for the most part, because you're used to it. It's a habit. You're not stacking a bunch at once. Pick one thing that you're gonna focus on. Okay. I would say, out of all of these, I it if I'm coming from doing nothing and I'm like a couch potato, and you know, my life is is super sedentary, my diet is horrible, everything is off, my sleep, my everything is off. I'm probably gonna start with lifting. Okay, now it may sound weird as it's like, whoa, shouldn't you be working on your sleep or your diet or moving your body or something? Here's why I start with lifting. Lifting lifting has an effect on basically all things health. Okay, so for example, when you can build more muscle, boosts your metabolism, burns more calories, makes you stronger, more resilient, you can move better, less pain, less difficulty, less limitations, better mobility, better range of motion, better flexibility, all these benefits. Um training helps you, helps to improve sleep. It can definitely help improve sleep. Uh, it can get your body moving without having to feel like you're doing cardio all day long or your feet are blistered up from trying to get 10,000 steps in when you only average a thousand. You can spend 30 minutes in the gym fairly easily, okay. 20 minutes even with with focused, with focused, purposeful exercise, purposeful lifting. Okay, so that's probably where I would start. Protein is easy to follow with that, you know, a lot of these things, but you need to focus on where you're at, okay? Regardless of what I say, focus on where you're at, simplify it, pick one or two. Number three is to stack wins, okay. Once you're consistent with the first anchors, then add the next. And it could be a month, it could be six months down the rock down the line. There's no need to rush this, guys. You are building a foundation. We all know that typically, well, we don't all know this, but a lot of times with buildings and houses, the foundation can take the longest time, all right? Because there's there it has to be exact, right? It has to be strong, it has to be firm, it has to be unbreakable. We need that foundation to be super legit, as my daughter is hooked on saying, legit right now. But we want that foundation legit, all right? We don't want it cracking and breaking and shifting and all that. So we spend more time building the foundation because once we've done that, then every other step on top of that takes way less time. Like building mostly is just waiting on supplies and permits and stuff. Once you got that foundation down, everything else comes so much quicker. That's how it is with our health. So stack those wins, start small, add one, continue on, make that become a non-negotiable, non-thought, non-thinking habit, and then add another one. So success is addictive, guys. When you prove to yourself that you can do one thing, you trust yourself to do more. This is self-efficacy. This is the ability to believe in yourself, hold yourself accountable, and to accomplish things on your own. And it starts with being able to do one thing. You show yourself that you can live for six months. Guess what? It's gonna be a lot easier to believe that you can start moving your body more, or that you can really fine-tune your diet, or you can change this or change that. Every time that you do something and you show yourself that you're capable, you start to believe in yourself more, and that builds upon itself, that's compounding interests. And over time, that's what makes you become somebody that's completely unrecognizable, but yet you don't feel any different because you're you're the same person. You didn't overhaul everything, you just changed one thing at a time until everything became just natural and your new normal. That's what we're after, that's what we help people with at THI. That's why you should be working with us. Okay, let I digress. Let me calm down. I get it passionate, guys. I get passionate. Let me calm down and continue on with step number four, which is expect imperfection. May sound weird. What? Plan to fail? No, but expect imperfection. Okay, you are going to slip. I don't care how much of a robot you are, how consistent you are, any of that, you're going to slip. That doesn't mean that you failed though, okay? Big difference. Progress isn't perfection, all right? Perfection is a myth on this side of eternity. Progress isn't perfection, it's persistence, okay? Plan to miss some days, not plan missing days, like, okay, next Tuesday, every Tuesday I'm gonna miss just because you know, I'm gonna fail anyways. No, just know in your mind that some days you may miss. You may get sick, you may get injured, you know, you may have to travel, you may have family in town, you may have a kid that's sick, you may have a kid having surgery, something's going on that may throw off your routine, okay? Holidays, whatever it may be. Just know that that's going to happen, okay? The key is how you bounce back from that. And when you know it's gonna happen, you have a much higher probability of bouncing back from that than people who just think everything's gonna be perfect, and the moment that it's not, they're like, crap, it's all a wash. I failed, and here I am. See, I can't do it, because they had expectations on themselves that were never fair to begin with, okay? Do not expect perfection, expect progress, all right? Persistency, consistency. That's the key, guys. So this is the reset formula. This is what we start with, with people, especially people who are really just not in a good place and they they need to overhaul, but we need to do it correctly. We focus on decide, simplify, stack wins, expect imperfection. Okay. So think of it like building a fire. Here's another example. You don't just dump a log pile and hope that it lights, right? Just like, oh well, I put the wood there, surely it's got to light up. No, no, no, no, no. You start with the kindling, right? Then you have some small flames, then you add more fuel, and before you know it, that fire is roaring. But if you don't start with the beginning, you don't set that foundation properly, you don't use the kindling, you don't use the fuel, you don't light the match, you don't light the lighter, you don't do those things, then having the best, most elegant stack of wood, fire pit, fire pile is not going to do anything for you. And that's what happens when we have a perfect plan that would work normally, but we haven't set the groundwork. We haven't, we haven't created a baseline, we haven't created the foundation that's going to help us to do that long enough or for the rest of our lives so we keep reaping the benefits of that plan. Okay. Super important, guys. So here's the takeaway for the day. I love to leave you guys with a nugget. Here it is. If you're starting again after years of neglect, you don't need shame, you don't need regret, and you don't need to punish yourself with an extreme plan, okay? You need compassion, you need small, consistent wins, and you need a framework that builds trust with yourself, okay? Learning to trust yourself because you live with yourself 24-7, all right? You're only with your spouse so much time, even if you're a stay-at-home parent, you're only with your kids so much time, you're only with family members so much time, you're only with your employees and your coworkers so much time. You're with yourself every moment of every day of your life. And being able to trust yourself in your decision making, in your discipline, in your habits is so empowering, guys. Like literally, it is so it's a driving force to keep you locked in and keep you progressing and getting better for the rest of your life. Okay. It is really that serious, it's really that big. Because once you start stacking those wins, guys, you're gonna realize you're not starting over. The starting over days are gone. You're starting again, stronger and wiser than before. You're better than you were last time, okay? That is progress. And if you want help building a restart plan that works in real life, that's exactly what we do at Transform Health Initiative. So when you're ready, we will help you live transformed. But until next time, or until that time, until the final time, do something good for yourself, something good for your health, something good for those that you care about. And whatever you do, make sure you win on purpose. Talk at you next time.