When Depression is in your bed

Step Towards Your Senses, Movement, Rest & Play: Creating Your Path Out of Depression

• Trish Sanders, LCSW • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Are you caught up just going through the motions each day? Stuck in a cycle that doesn't feel terrible but certainly doesn't feel good either? That familiar static place can become surprisingly comfortable, even as it drains our sense of aliveness and meaning.

Today we explore how to break free using what I call the "Take-a-Step Approach" – a gentle, biology-based method that works with your nervous system instead of against it. Instead of forcing massive change through willpower (which rarely works), we focus on accessible micro-steps involving your senses, movement, rest, and playfulness that create sustainable shifts toward the life you truly desire.

The biology behind our stuckness explains why change feels so difficult. When our dorsal vagal system activates, we experience that familiar shutdown, collapse, and freeze response. This isn't a character flaw – it's a protective mechanism designed to keep us safe. Understanding this completely transforms how we approach healing. Rather than blaming ourselves for not "just doing better," we can work with our nervous system's natural pathways toward regulation.

Some of the most powerful steps involve anchoring through sensory experiences – truly tasting that piece of chocolate instead of mindlessly consuming it, feeling the weight of a blanket, or gazing at nature through your window. These simple actions activate the ventral vagal pathway – our biological route to feeling safe, connected, and alive.

We'll also explore why genuine rest differs dramatically from depression (hint: one restores while the other depletes), and why playfulness – so often dismissed as frivolous – might be exactly what your nervous system needs to experience freedom and joy again. Each small step builds neural pathways that make the next step easier, gradually creating momentum toward the life you want.

Whether you're struggling with depression or simply feel disconnected from what brings you alive, this episode offers practical, compassionate ways to begin moving forward today. Remember: you don't need to create the whole path at once – just take a single step.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the when Depression is in your Bed podcast. Are you caught up just going through the motions day to day? Are you stuck in a cycle that doesn't feel terrible but it also doesn't feel good? If so, join me today as I talk about how to take a step using your senses, movement, rest and playfulness in order to begin to move towards your best life. I'm your host, trish Sanders. Let's get started.

Speaker 1:

Today is the third episode in what I think will be a four-episode series that dives into the take-a-step approach and discusses specific things that you can do in order to step your way out of the stuckness that you're experiencing and move into creating a life that feels joyfully, alive, connected, meaningful and uniquely suited to you and your desires. Does that sound good to you? I really hope so and I hope that I can help get you there. And if it sounds too good to be true, then I encourage you, if it makes sense, to keep listening and see if you connect to anything, because changing your life for the better may actually be more possible and more accessible than you realize. If you've been feeling stuck in your relationships and in your life, then the take a step approach may be immensely helpful for you because it works with your nervous system instead of against it. Our biology the actual nerves that make up different parts of our nervous system actually can transmit messages slowly and can contribute to progress being slow or feeling slower than we want it to feel, and understanding this is completely vital because it can help us shift from feeling frustrated that we're not getting far enough, fast enough, or we're not sustaining our progress, or it can help us to not blame and shame and hate on ourselves because we're somehow defective, because we don't know how to do what we really want to do or we can't get unstuck, and it can begin to allow us to have a little bit of self-compassion for ourselves because we understand what's actually happening on a biological level and we can use that knowledge to begin to create a path towards the life that we really want to live.

Speaker 1:

In the last episode, I explored various steps you can take towards connection and breath. Today, I will talk about steps towards your senses, movement, rest and playfulness. Steps towards your senses, movement, rest and playfulness. Taking a step that allows you to anchor in ventral through your senses can be profoundly powerful. Focusing on your sensory experience can help you take a step towards being lifted out of a dorsal experience and moving into a more ventral experience where you feel that calm grounding that can help you to take action or take rest or take care of yourself in the way that you really need. And for many of us though of course not all, especially in today's world where you are in this exact moment, is probably safe. Again, I know very well that this does not apply to everyone in the world right now, but for many of us who are privileged to be sitting in a safe room, anchoring through your five senses can be really helpful and can be very available. So, thinking about what that can look like, listening to music can be incredibly helpful.

Speaker 1:

It is often recommended to listen to calming music to support regulation. I have to say, when I'm in a depressive episode, I tend to listen to music that is probably not considered calming by many people. I sort of listen to something that probably would be considered emo or metalcore or something like that, and for me that can help feeling my heartbeat. I notice that that can help me feel alive. I also have noticed the more that I regulate and am able to anchor in more of a ventral experience. I do notice that my taste of music is expanding and I am liking more calming, more peaceful, beautiful music than I've ever liked before, which is very interesting and I will talk about, I'm sure, on another episode. But again, tune into what works for you and what feels like it's taking a step towards the place you wanna be. So, whatever kind of music you wanna listen to, and if it feels like you've been able to move into a place that feels a little bit better than where you just were, then I would say, go with it and keep tuning in.

Speaker 1:

You can also, of course, use your sense of smell. There's a lot of aromatherapy out there. I love lavender and use essential oils for many different things. I have oil diffusers around so that I can have the smell of lavender easily accessible to me when I want it. I have sage leaves and things like that. There's candles, that kind of thing. You can have a smell that reminds you of somewhere you've been or something you've done, or even someone that you've been connected to and love and hold warmly in your heart, and you have that kind of scent available that can be very regulating and really start to anchor you in that ventral experience.

Speaker 1:

When we anchor in ventral. It helps us move out of dorsal. So that's the step. We want to invite some energy in that helps lift us. So that's the movement that I'm looking to create through talking about this sensory experience. If I think about anchoring sometimes, I think about that as the opposite of moving. If you're anchored, you're being held. Still, anchoring at ventral actually can pull you out of the dorsal experience. So that's what I'm really talking about.

Speaker 1:

And, of course, you can use taste to elicit some sensory experience that is nourishing or delicious. I love chocolate and I will say that, for me, if I think about putting one chocolate covered almond in my mouth and letting it melt and really tasting it and being present and savoring it, that is the kind of experience we're looking for, which is different than if I pop two or three chocolate almonds in my mouth, you know, while I'm walking through the kitchen, and then pop another two or three in my mouth and I don't even notice that I eat them. That's not anchoring in a sensory experience and that could actually be a sign of dysregulation. If you're mindlessly eating, that's definitely something that I do when I'm dysregulated, I find myself mindlessly eating. But this is the experience of actually really being present and, of course, with touch. There's things like weighted blankets or fuzzy blankets or fidget toys or things like that, that good to touch and that really bring you into a sensory experience of being able to connect in a tactile way. And then, looking around, using your sight, I really like to look out my back door in my kitchen because I can see my backyard and I can see trees and grass. That's something I use a lot and for me that's an experience where I can feel really connected to nature and I feel really rejuvenated and restored and I feel grounded and calmed and so that all happens just from looking out my window. So that can be something. If you have a picture that you like to look at or something, I really encourage you to think about what you could put around you that helps with creating those ventral anchors that lift you and help you take steps towards where you really want to be and how you really want to feel. You can also take a step towards movement, and, I would add, in gentle movement. If you want to take a step towards movement that feels bigger or more active, that's also totally welcome if that's accessible for you.

Speaker 1:

But movement can be truly transformative, especially when we're talking about coming out of that dorsal experience. Because if you think about dorsal from a biological perspective, it is the state of shutdown, collapse, immobilization and freezing, right. All of that is the opposite of moving. And so it might feel really tough to think about moving, like if you think about somebody who's in a really severe depression and can't move out of bed and it seems ridiculous, like why they can't just get up and go brush their teeth while their nervous system is in a state of freezing for survival and protection. Movement feels impossible in certain moments. And so if you think about that as an extreme example, you can start to picture why movement might feel so hard. We're frozen to protect ourselves, we're hiding to protect ourselves, we're immobilized because we think if we move we will be harmed in some way. Right? So from a biological perspective, our nervous system makes movement difficult, and so when we can notice, okay, I'm not in any danger, my nervous system is perceiving some sort of danger. Obviously, but what kind of movement feels like it might be accessible. So that's why I qualify it saying gentle movement, because this can literally be just moving, it could be walking, it could be just stretching, and those can be really helpful things and can be really nourishing, just to start to get yourself to move out of that freeze that stuck that numb place, and it can be really beneficial.

Speaker 1:

I personally like yoga quite a bit. I find that to be more accessible a lot of the time than doing something that is perhaps more intense. Although when I'm really well anchored in a ventral state and I have some really healthy, sympathetic energy going that's supporting my movement, then I really love exercising. I love biking and strength training and that kind of stuff. But sometimes that doesn't feel accessible for me. But yoga or gentle stretching or foam rolling, things like that that feels more available to me a lot of the time so I'll allow myself to start there. Or something like dancing also might feel more accessible to me, like a dance party with my kids sometimes feels available, even if a full workout doesn't feel like I can manage that at the moment.

Speaker 1:

So again, playing with this experience and seeing what kind of movement feels available and doable to you with compassion, like feeling mad at yourself because you can't do the workout you plan to do, can be counterproductive. But if you say, okay, the workout I plan doesn't feel like I can make that happen today. What can I do instead? Can I do 90 seconds of stretching? And you might say like well, that's ridiculous, that's not enough, that's not good enough or that's not what I wanted to do. But if you can allow yourself to start somewhere, then you can take another step. And that's really the gift in this strategy If you can take one step with compassion and self-love and some grace and some kindness, you're probably likely to be able to take another step. If you beat yourself up along the way, you're likely to create more of an environment of threat where you have to protect yourself more, which can look like you shutting down and withdrawing even further. So please keep that in mind as you take any step towards movement or any other step.

Speaker 1:

Again, the dorsal experience is a state of immobilized freeze, biologically speaking. So movement can feel really hard, and I will say that, even though I do think that getting to a place where you can feel the ability to move it can be totally liberating and really freeing. Again, getting there can be tough. So this is a really good place to take a step using visualization, and so you just start in your mind being able to play with maybe a time when you were able to go on a walk in a beautiful place, you know, walking through nature or walking down a beach or something like that. Or it could be a time when you were dancing and you were really enjoying it and you can allow that experience of when you had been able to move. Or maybe, if that feels sad, like oh, I was able to do that then, but I'm not able to do it anymore Then just imagine something you would like to do in the future. If that feels safer Again, play with it and see what feels more accessible to you and start to envision those things and see if you can allow some of that experience to come alive in your nervous system, even as you stay perfectly still. And perhaps as you increase your ability to have that come alive in your system, you may find maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few days, maybe next week, you'll be able to actually move into the physical experience of movement, even if it's not available to you right now. So it's just something again to play with and see what really works for you.

Speaker 1:

I talked about this in my last episode a bit as well, but I really want to emphasize the idea of taking a step towards rest and just remind you that, at least from my own experience, depression can be a warm, comfy, familiar blanket wrapped around us and yet at the same time it's also not just warm and snuggly and safe. It's also a very painful, empty, miserable, stuck that comes along with feeling depressed and that obviously is not very comfortable at all. And it's also really draining to be in that experience where it's like, oh, we feel safe and warm and protected in our depression blanket, but also it's miserable and depleting and I'm aware of all the things that I'm not doing, that I'm supposed to be doing or that need to be done, or even that I want to do and feel incapable of doing, and I feel like I'm disappointed in me and everyone else is disappointed in me, and there's just like layers and layers of what just sucks energy out of us, and so it seems sometimes counterintuitive to think of a depressed person needing rest, because it might seem like that's all they're doing is resting, they're doing nothing, they're not doing much of anything, so really they need more rest. And we can feel that way about ourselves. We can be pretty mean to ourselves, I know I can and think like, well, really is what I need rest. But I want you to start to think about this because, biologically speaking, the function of our nervous system having the option to be in a dorsal state is and you might have heard this term before rest and digest. It's the shutdown our body needs to go in to conserve energy and replenish and restore. So there's this really powerful function in the dorsal experience, right? So if you can start to shift this and think, hmm, my dorsal vagal system came online for some reason, and if it came online, that must mean that it's trying to protect me from something.

Speaker 1:

And perhaps it's a feeling of overwhelm, like too much is going on, or maybe I feel like I don't have the resources that I need right now to handle something, or I don't know how to do something. So I need a rest, I need a moment. How can I let myself take a break? How can I let myself take that breather that my system is telling me I need Now? This might be hard for a lot of people and it really was a huge aha moment for me not that long ago, because for me, and perhaps for you as well, I know it's true for many that when we're in a state of overwhelm, when we're stressed out when our to-do lists are in a healthy, restful way, and it's not restful to be depressed and avoidant and distracting yourself from your to-do list it's not restful at all. But we don't really think about slowing down when there's so much to be done, right. But yet that's actually what our systems might really be longing for and biologically needing for us to be able to do the tasks that we actually need to do or want to do.

Speaker 1:

And also we do not live in a society that really values time to recuperate, to rest. Especially in the US, where I am, we do not get a lot of vacation days. We are not encouraged to take vacation days. People, if they don't use all their paid time off, they often will get bonuses or some sort of reward. Sometimes they'll just lose the days if you don't use them. You just don't get the days. They don't roll over the next year.

Speaker 1:

So we are not encouraged as a society to slow down and take a rest, and so it can feel very selfish or wrong, or we can feel like there's something wrong with us If we say, hey, you know what. I'm actually going to slow down, I'm going to take a break here. Going to slow down, I'm going to take a break here, and that can feel like something absolutely negative, right, something really awful for us to do. However, if we start to really understand that this is a biological need rest and digest is a thing that our system really needs and if we can give ourselves the rest that our nervous system is actually longing for, in a true way of saying, this is going to be a time of restoration for me. I'm going to get to my to-do list. I just need to take a real break that feels like a break, not where I avoid stuff and then I feel worse afterwards. That's not the kind of break I'm talking about. Then we can start to really create some shifts. So please remember that taking a step towards true rest can be exactly what your system needs, and it totally counts as taking a step right. So when someone says do something, why don't you just do something? Sometimes you say I am doing something, I'm taking really quality rest time. It may or may not go over well, depending who you're talking to, but if you can tell yourself that with some compassion, that can go a really long way.

Speaker 1:

Another kind of step that is often overlooked is choosing to take a step towards fun, or what I would maybe more accurately even describe as a step towards playfulness. And again, we do not live in a society that values adults having time to play. We barely value children having time to play, I think, as a society, and so adults just enjoying themselves can really not feel very supported, and we certainly don't often support ourselves or understand the importance of it. So this is something that is frequently neglected and not even thought about as something that we need to really have on our self-care to-do list, if you will, and it's also the kind of thing that a loved one may consciously or unconsciously end up shaming a depressed or disconnected person for doing. You know, for taking a step towards fun or playfulness, you may get really negative feedback from people who care about you.

Speaker 1:

I know for me a story that my husband has remembered for almost 20 years now and refers to sometimes is a story of when we were pumpkin picking, when we were early in our dating life, and he jumped up into this wagon like this little pull, pull wagon, and I sort of was like hey, get down, get out of there. And he felt really shamed and really shut down and I at the time I was like what? They were not very sturdy wagons. I was afraid some kid was gonna see him and jump in a wagon and hurt themselves, right, and that's why I told him to stop doing it. And at the time I honestly didn't even realize why he was upset with me or had a reaction at all. I really didn't get it at the time. But the truth is is that what I came to really understand is that that was a moment where he felt playful and alive and free, and he was in this beautiful moment and for a person who deals with depression which he was, is just as I was and am that moment of feeling playful and alive and free is super valuable, and I unintentionally crushed it. So I didn't know at the time.

Speaker 1:

I did eventually understand though that wasn't my intention, it really was what happened and how it landed for him, and so that's an example of how we can shame somebody totally without realizing it, and it's very easy to see someone being playful or doing something that's fun or lighthearted and sort of feel like, hey, is that the best use of your time, or don't you have anything more important to do, or you have energy for this, but you don't have energy to help me out. Or is this how you wasted your time today? You could have been writing your resume or something like that. So choosing fun can be very easily judged by others or by ourselves, or on the other side, choosing fun might be something that we feel is not even possible if you're stuck in a depressed or dorsal place because you may feel undeserving of happiness or you may feel too heavy to have fun that sort of thing, or you might feel numbed out and you might not actually experience joy from things like you once did.

Speaker 1:

So of course, there's a lot of things that could potentially get in the way of someone taking a step towards playfulness or towards fun, but if you need permission to be playful and to allow yourself to have that kind of joy, that aliveness, that freedom I am just one other nervous system in this world and I don't really have any authority over you to tell you this but if it helps, I will absolutely tell you with full confidence that playfulness is vitally important for everyone of all ages, and if taking a step towards something fun feels like an option for you, if you are receiving an invitation to come play, I give you full permission to accept. I will say that, when it comes to taking steps towards rest or playfulness, I would encourage you to check in with yourself to see how taking that step is supporting you and feeling better, because I think that fun and rest can be used. I know I can definitely use them in avoidant ways, like taking a nap or doing something that feels easier or fun. It can be a good distraction and there's a really fine line because sometimes the distraction is what we need. We need that space to take a rest or to be playful so that we can have a sense of restoration and kind of build back up our resources so that we can be ready to take on the next thing.

Speaker 1:

But sometimes we do the fun thing, the easy thing, take the rest, take the nap, and then we feel worse afterwards because we're like, oh my gosh, we didn't do the thing that we needed to do. We didn't take any action. I had free time today and I didn't use it quote unquote productively. I say quote unquote productively. I say quote unquote productively because if you rested or were playful and it felt good to your system and nourishing, I would say that's incredibly productive. I also know the feeling of like, oh gosh, this thing really needs to get done, and I didn't do it again today. So really check in with yourself and sort of see where that step will bring you after the step is over. Will it help you be more available for whatever?

Speaker 1:

The next thing is that you want to take a step towards, or will you feel worse afterwards? And I really ask you to not put pressure on yourself around this. In time, with continued self-attunement, you'll learn to listen to your body more closely and you'll get more accurate answers of what your system really needs, if you really need rest or playfulness or if you really need to do one of the things that you feel like you really need to do or that's important to you. So I just kind of put it out there as something to think about and consider, because I know how these sort of things have landed for me in my own system.

Speaker 1:

In the next episode, I will begin to talk about how to begin to take a step towards hope, which may feel like a huge leap or even an impossible jump, but tune in next time to see how I break it down to make it more accessible, more available and more possible to you, starting now as our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments, because I wanna thank you for showing up today and I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be. The path may seem long or unclear or unknown, and I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay. Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once. We don't travel a whole journey in one stride, and that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one, any type, any size, in any direction. It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize, taking in your mind. It can be a step towards action or towards rest or connection or self-care, or whatever step makes sense to you.

Speaker 1:

I invite you to take a step today, because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed. If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released. I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trishsanderslcsw. Your feedback will help guide future episodes and I love hearing from you. Also, please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared. Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.