When Depression is in your bed

Mosh Pit Magic: The Brilliance of Nervous System Healing

• Trish Sanders, LCSW • Episode 33

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What do mosh pits have to do with mental health?  Everything, at least that's how it turned out for me. 

From the moment I stepped into my first mosh pit at Woodstock '94 with my dad at age 14, something profound happened—I felt alive again. As a chronically depressed teenager trapped in that collapsed, shutdown state, the vibration of bass against my chest, the permission to move freely without being watched, and the immediate acceptance of a community of strangers offered something my nervous system desperately needed.

For thirty years, across countless concerts, these energetic spaces have served as unexpected medicine. They've given me embodiment when depression disconnected me from physical sensation. They've provided community when isolation felt crushing. They've honored my full emotional range—joy, sorrow, and sacred rage—when the outside world was often more comfortable with me pretending I was fine.

This realization speaks to something much larger than music or dance preferences. Our nervous systems are brilliantly designed to seek what they need, often without conscious awareness. That hobby you've loved since childhood, that oddly specific comfort activity, that thing people don't understand why you're drawn to—these aren't random. They're your system's attempts to regulate, connect, and heal.

The wisdom lies in noticing these patterns. When we identify what needs are being met by our natural draws—whether healthy ones like movement and community or potentially harmful ones like substance use—we gain clarity and choice. We can consciously expand our wellness toolkit beyond our instinctive solutions.

What unconscious brilliance has your system shown in finding what it needs? What activity makes you feel alive, accepted, or embodied? Your path to healing might look nothing like the textbook version—and that's perfectly okay. Your nervous system knows exactly what it needs, even when you don't.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the One Depression is in your Bed podcast. Today I want to talk about our inner brilliance and how we, often unconsciously, are drawn to things that help meet our needs, even when we don't realize that that's actually what's happening. I will share something that I have done for decades that has been a truly important part of my life and has served me very, very well, even if it's not everybody's cup of tea. If you want to hear more, please keep listening. I'm your host, trish Sanders, and I am so delighted that you are here. Let's get started. So the topic that I'm going to talk about today, the specifics of it, may not be something that most people relate to, but it is something that I've been thinking about for the last several years, and I didn't know I was going to do a podcast episode about it, because when I first started really noticing and realizing the importance of this activity that I participate in, I didn't have a podcast and didn't know that I was going to have a podcast, but I knew that this was something that is so near and dear to my heart and is special to one of the communities that I'm a part of. That I knew I wanted to address it in some way, because it felt like revelations for me as I started to understand how me being drawn to this particular thing has served me over 30 years of my life. And the specifics again may not be something that you relate to directly, but I think the idea of how we are truly brilliant and as young children and as teenagers and young adults, and certainly later on in adulthood, we do in fact find ways, without even knowing, to get our needs met, and I think that this is truly extraordinary and I have really been appreciating that about myself. And I'm inviting you today to think about the things that you are drawn to and maybe you are aware that they're things that you are drawn to, and maybe you are aware that they're helpful and that they're meeting needs for you. And maybe there are things that you do and you think they meet one need, but perhaps there's some deeper reason that you do them and if you bring consciousness to those reasons, those deeper reasons, sometimes we can use those things either more consciously when we need them, or if we're aware of the needs that are being met, that are being met, that are so important to us, then we can sometimes find even additional things to do to help meet our needs, and that's really the purpose of today's conversation. So the specifics that I'm going to talk about today is that I myself am somebody who has found a love of mosh pits.

Speaker 1:

I go to a lot of concerts and my husband and I both enjoy music and I've always enjoyed music that tends to have a mosh pit. It's not the only kind of music that I listen to or my husband listens to, but if we go to a concert, for me I usually say that I measure a concert based on how sweaty I get, which means how hard I'm dancing and how active and bouncy and fun the mosh pit is. And in case you don't know what a mosh pit is, it is just that down front section at a concert where people are kind of jumping around, and there are different kinds of mosh pits. If you're not familiar with being in them, then it really doesn't make much of a difference. But I will say that there are mosh pits for heavier music that could be more aggressive and more violent, and I'm not talking about those types of mosh pits, although I think to a certain degree a lot of what I'm saying would relate to those mosh pits, but I'm not supporting or encouraging violence in any way. I'm talking about moshing as a form of dance and I'm going to share a little bit about my experience being in mosh pits, since I was 14 years old and still in my 40s, going to mosh pits pretty regularly and what I have noticed. And again, you may or may not directly relate to the idea of going into a mosh pit, but I bet you do, whether you know it or not, have things that you've done for a lot of your life, whether you did them as a kid and no longer do them or found new ways to do those things, or whether you found things later on.

Speaker 1:

But, like I said, I think that we are so brilliant and if we give ourselves credit and we start to notice how we are really built for wellness, we are designed in such a way that our nervous system knows what it needs. Unfortunately, sometimes things get lost in translation because when our nervous system has an experience and it sends a message up to our brain that there's a need, a need for safety, is often the message that gets triggered and then our brain goes into the self-protective place and we only respond with that fight or flight, sympathetic energy or that dorsal shut down and withdraw, collapse energy, and we can really limit ourselves in our response because we're trying to take care of ourselves and that's what our brains and our nervous systems are really designed to do. But when we can sort of slow that down and notice that that's not what's happening we're not always in danger, even if we feel like we are we can start to really understand what we're drawn to, what gives us a feeling that we want to move away from, what does make us want to hide or collapse, and we can start to really identify and address our needs in a much more helpful, productive way. We don't have to live stuck in that survival place and the perspective that I take is that being depressed is being stuck in a dorsal nervous system state, which is the nervous system state of collapse and shutdown and being withdrawn and avoidant. I have noticed as a depressed teenager that I was really drawn into mosh pits and I went into my first mosh pit when I was 14 years old with my dad and it was actually at Woodstock 1994, the 25th anniversary of Woodstock and it was for Metallica and Nine Inch Nails, which was a pretty sweet mosh pit and being at Woodstock was a pretty amazing experience with my dad. He stood with his two arms around me so that, as I was getting kind of like pushed and knocked over a bit by the crowd, I never fell and really it was just joyful. It was just a fun experience and it really set the tone for, like I said, the entire rest of my life.

Speaker 1:

I tend to be drawn to sort of like punkier, bouncier music and, as I referenced, there's sort of different kinds of mosh pits and if you were in a green day mosh pit, that might have a different energy than a Metallica mosh pit or some heavier metal bands. But I go in mosh pits for a variety of different type of music. But back then I would just say like, oh yeah, I just like mosh pits. They're fun, they're energetic, I just like them. I'm not sure even really what I would have said at 14 or 16 or 20 about what I really liked about them specifically. They were just a way that I knew I had fun.

Speaker 1:

However, over the last several years particularly because it's also something that I have continued to do and my relationship to it, while I still really enjoy mosh pits quite a bit, as a matter of fact, I was just in a mosh pit last week, which I think made me really think about doing this episode today. I have noticed my relationship to mosh pits have changed in some way, and I've been not in any negative way at all, but there's more consciousness around it. I really understand why I have been so drawn to mosh pits over the course of my life, and I've really started to see what benefit they've had for me, and so that's what I want to actually talk about today, so that if you yourself like mosh pits, perhaps you'll relate. And even if you don't like mosh pits, I do think that a lot of the things that have drawn me to mosh pits are needs that many people have. So, even though the specific way I've gotten the needs met may not be your thing, I think that some of the needs I have are somewhat universal or common, and so that's what I really wanted to address and dive into today.

Speaker 1:

The first thing that I started to really notice about the benefits of mosh pits for me is that they made me feel alive, and again, I was a very depressed teenager, and as a very depressed teenager, my nervous system was often in that dorsal state that shut down, collapsed, lack of energy, immobilized state. Doing things felt hard. I didn't have a lot of motivation a lot of the time, that kind of thing. And I noticed pretty quickly again, not totally consciously, like I wouldn't have described it this way when I was 14, but I felt alive in a mosh pit. I came alive. There was so much energy there and I really felt in my body, which was also something that was not something that I felt particularly comfortable with. In a lot of other areas in my life I was pretty disconnected from my body experience.

Speaker 1:

But in a mosh pit it's a very visceral experience, very sensory experience. There's sights and sounds, you're touching things and you're feeling things and even the taste in your mouth. It's really everything you know. You're hearing the music. All of that stuff is really happening. So it really helps you be present in the moment. And the music I listen to whether it's like punky sort of bouncy music or the heavier metal sort of music literally I can feel the beat of the music in my chest. The heavier the music sometimes, the heavier the beat, of course, but I can literally feel it. I can feel my heart beating with the music. That's a pretty key experience of aliveness, to feel your heart beating and you know you're alive, you know you exist.

Speaker 1:

And when you're depressed and when you're shut down, you don't feel that way, you feel like you don't matter, you're not there, you could feel invisible and being in the mosh pit really supported the need I really had to know that I existed and I was there and it also gave me that experience being in my body, that I was able to move in whatever way felt comfortable and safe to me, which might sound interesting. If you don't go in mosh pits, you might not identify mosh pits and safe sort of together and admittedly, they can be a little bit dangerous. I've certainly gotten some bruises and things out of many years of being in mosh pits, but generally speaking, I do not come out of mosh pits injured Although, like I said, you certainly could but again, not being connected to my body. I did not like dancing in other places because you can be seen if you're dancing on a stage or even a dance floor where there's space between people. I didn't want to be seen. That was very uncomfortable for me. I was extremely self-conscious. I think I'm probably still kind of self-conscious. I have my moments where I'm more so and moments where I'm less so. But I didn't really want to be seen. I didn't want to be perceived. That felt scary, that felt threatening to me.

Speaker 1:

I didn't participate in sports as a kid either, so all of those ways that I could have been in my body didn't feel safe and I wasn't drawn to them as a younger person. Later on, more recently, over the last several years, I have gotten more into my body and I am much more drawn to things where I can be more physical in other ways and feel my strength and my power which is, of course, another thing that comes out in mosh pits feeling strong and powerful but the need to move my body when I didn't have access to other ways that felt safe. The mosh pit was pretty extraordinary because I could move my body again in ways that felt safe and good to me. But I didn't have any of the self-consciousness because I didn't worry about anybody looking at me because you know you can't look at anyone's body too much because you know you're pressed pretty closely together and so I had this little space that was mine in the world. That felt really protected and I felt like I could just be myself in the mosh pit, and I think that that's another thing that the mosh pit in many ways provides.

Speaker 1:

It's a space of community and acceptance of who you are. There's sort of like a show up as you will mentality, I think, in mosh pits, because people come looking all sorts of ways and all sorts of makeup or costumes or anything and it's kind of like anything goes, like just be yourself, show up how you want, and that welcoming environment that you could just be a part of this community and it was so immediately accepting. And again, I'm aware that this might not be everyone's mosh pit experience, and there are mosh pits that are perhaps not like that, but by and large, for the most part this has absolutely been my experience that I could just be a part of a community and it's like plug and play you're there, you're ready and everybody has this shared interest because at the very least you're all there to see the same band right, and so you have some common interest already and it creates this community and there's a lot of kindness in mosh pits. If you do get knocked over, then people make room and pick you up. Or if you drop something, your keys or your phone or your shoe comes off or whatever things that happen in the mosh pit, people will make space for you so that you can get on the ground and look for it, so that you're not being harmed.

Speaker 1:

Being harmed, and all of this really serves as creating this space where, again, as a depressed teen, I didn't feel like I had a lot of community, a lot of the time, and so to be able to go and just feel completely accepted by these people. However, I showed up, whatever I looked like, was a pretty profound experience for me, certainly, and it was a very grounding experience for me as well. That body piece but also the energy of the crowd. I think I felt, as I mentioned, alive and present and grounded, like I felt, like I was there and I mattered and I felt seen in a way that, again, as I mentioned before, felt safe, it didn't feel threatening, it didn't feel intrusive to me and some people might feel like a mosh pit is intrusive. Again, this is my experience and I'm not saying that everyone should feel this way or does feel this way.

Speaker 1:

I think that people who come into mosh pits may relate to this certainly, or at least in certain parts, but a mosh pit experience, again with that community, that connection, that acceptance. It's a very intimate experience because you're really sharing very close space. You're skin to skin with people and you don't know them, but yet you feel like family, you feel like you're all a part of each other and you know. Again, many people might be like, oh, the idea of being skin to skin with all these sweaty people that I don't know may sound totally gross, and I totally understand that. I definitely do shower after I come home from every single mosh pit, but being there, it just feels to me like this very human experience, like you're just accepted for who you are Sweat and grime and dirt and all. We're our messy, human selves and it's okay. And to me that has been a very reassuring message that I didn't always have Me feeling messy and me trying to hide that or that not being okay has definitely been one of the stories that I've carried with me for as long as I can remember in my life and I also felt very I guess I would say criticized or unseen.

Speaker 1:

You know, growing up I did have black hair and wore all black makeup and all black clothes all the time and people would say like, oh, you know, you'd be so pretty if you didn't wear all that makeup or you know, why are you wearing so many dark things? Why don't you wear colors? And I didn't feel understood, because to me I think this probably is a related but maybe different conversation wearing all those clothes, like, I really felt like I was sort of just showing myself, like I felt a lot of darkness on the inside and I just reflected that on the outside, and people didn't always understand it. They tried to make me feel better, which I get. I totally understand. If you see somebody who's having a hard time, there's certainly an urge to make them feel better and that could be really lovely.

Speaker 1:

But I didn't feel validated in my experience. But in a mosh I did, because there were a lot of people who I knew felt similarly to me and validation doesn't have to be agreement, which again is a whole other episode too but I didn't feel like I needed to be somebody else in the mosh pit, no matter who I was, no matter how I showed up, if I came in with black hair or you know, if I come in with purple hair, or if I come in with makeup or if I come in with no makeup, whatever it is, however, I show up, it's okay to be me and that feels like a message that I really received and have always received and continue to receive going into Mosh Pits. And the last piece, which I've really grown to have a deep appreciation of in the last few years, is that mosh pits are a place where, I would say again, my experience and not every single mosh pit is exactly the same, but I do think that mosh pits are a place that really honors all feelings, including joy and excitement. Of course you're happy to see the band and hear them play your favorite song kind of thing, but also deep sadness or connecting with deep sadness I mean people cry from certainly sometimes big excitement but also, you know, singing a song that touches your soul. You can be holding this space in a safe way, in a protected way, where you're feeling again this community and you're not feeling alone, but you can feel very deep, painful feelings. I would say that mosh pits are also a place that tend to honor sacred rage and it's a place where you can be angry and it's accepted. And again, I'm not talking about when mosh pits are violent and people are overly aggressive. I'm talking about mosh pits where there is a respect for everybody and you're allowed to just show up as you are, with the feelings that you have, and it's a place where you can scream and cry in community, and I think that for me, again, that has been a place I didn't have to hide anything or deny anything or pretend. It was a place that I could just really be me and experience and release all of my feelings. I don't really know why I exactly started thinking about this, except I do know that the very first time I started really thinking about it was I was like wow, I found a way to move my body in a way that didn't feel self-conscious and that felt like a big aha moment.

Speaker 1:

Many years ago, and as I've considered mosh pits and the needs that they served, I've just started to deepen my appreciation for my nervous system, but also in general for our nervous systems and how we know exactly what we need. And if it's not readily available to us as oftentimes it is not in childhood especially the things we need are not always readily available to us we find ways, and I think that that is something that is very reassuring and is a powerful coping thought for me, and so I'm here to offer it to you that, even if we want things that we can't quite have. We have needs that can't quite be met in the way that we wish they could be met, like if you wish your mom was this way, or you wish your dad was that way, or you wish your family was able to provide this to you in a certain way. Maybe they couldn't, but that doesn't mean we're stuck or we're totally out of luck. We actually have a whole world of opportunity to connect with. We have ourselves to connect with in deeper ways and take care of ourselves. We have others, we have the larger world. We have, whatever it means to you, nature, spirit beyond. There's always a way to find a way, and that's kind of what I've been thinking about, and so I invite you to think about yourself and your life.

Speaker 1:

And, like I said, maybe mosh pits are not your thing, but I would bet that you have found things in your life that meet your needs, and maybe that means that they're healthy things, like forms of dance or sport or some sort of hobby, and maybe they're not healthy things, right. Maybe they're things that harm you. Maybe it's drinking or drugs or gambling or shopping too much, or sex or whatever. But when we start to really identify what we've been drawn to and the needs that it's meeting, we start to have a lot more clarity and a lot more choice. We can start to see is this having only a positive impact or is this having a negative impact as well? And again, I can talk about that on another episode, because I think that that's a really valuable piece.

Speaker 1:

But for me, mosh pits have always been something that are really important, and they're also really important to my husband, ben. So we've always gone to a lot of concerts and if you would have asked me when I was 16, what are some qualities that are important to you in a future husband I don't think at 16, I would have said to you he has to go in mosh pits. But after being with Ben for 21 years and being able to continue going into mosh pits together and sharing music and this experience of community and now we've moved on to sharing this with our 13 year old son as well, because we bring him in Moshpits he enjoys a lot of the music that we like and he is now sharing the experience with us it really has been something that's just been really special. It's a very connecting and joyful experience for us, and it's something that I feel really fortunate to have. I also have started to see how I've evolved and how things have shifted, and I feel much less self-conscious than I used to, and so I feel more comfortable going into other types of body movement, like a yoga class, where technically there's people seeing me, but I feel safe there.

Speaker 1:

I don't only have to be in a mosh pit when it comes to moving my body. I find other ways to feel strong with, like weightlifting or other kinds of exercise. I find community in many places now, although I do still find a strong sense of community at concerts oftentimes, and in a mosh pit still, and so the more I start to become clear on this, the more I can start to use this consciously. And you know, a mosh pit might not always be available when I need one, but I definitely do get the feeling of like, ooh, I could use a good mosh pit right now. And if I don't have a mosh pit available, what else can I do if I can really identify the need underneath it? And so sometimes I need a space where I can express that sacred rage, where I can honor the anger inside of me. And how do I do that today and I don't just do it in mosh pits and I don't feel restricted.

Speaker 1:

I feel like more myself, certainly now, than I did myself, certainly now than I did, I think, when I was a kid, when I was a teenager. I'm discovering more and more of myself and I like a wider array of music, which I think I've mentioned before on the podcast that I listen to music that I would not have liked five or 10 years ago because it didn't have a heavy bass that made my heart feel alive and gave me this experience of like I'm here, I exist and I feel my heart beating. I can listen to music that's softer and more gentle, that, honestly, I would have said was boring a few years ago and certainly as a teenager I would have said was boring. But now I connect with it differently, because music serves many purposes in my life beyond just what historically it has done for me, which is a lot. And certainly music is something that Ben and I have connected on since we met and it's been something that has been unifying for us.

Speaker 1:

So as I move to close today's episode, I do invite you to think about what you do, what you've always done, without even knowing that meets your needs, that helps you feel safe or have community, gives you a place to express yourself, gives you a place to move your body, gives you a place to feel strong or powerful, because sometimes we don't feel those ways, we don't have those needs met, and it can feel really awful Again when you're depressed. It can be a pretty painful experience and we can feel really stuck, feeling like we'll never get those needs met or maybe even worse, that we don't deserve to get those needs met. And those are just dysregulated stories that come with a dysregulated nervous system. And I would like to invite you to think about the ways that you can get those needs met, because, of course, you deserve to have your needs met and there's not just one way that our needs can be met. And if we honor the brilliance of our systems, then we can actually trust that we can find the things that are just right for us.

Speaker 1:

As our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments, because I want to thank you for showing up today and I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be. The path may seem long or unclear or unknown, and I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay. Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once. We don't travel a whole journey in one stride, and that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one, any type, any size, in any direction. It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize, taking in your mind. It can be a step towards action or towards rest or connection or self-care, or whatever step makes sense to you. I invite you to take a step today because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed.

Speaker 1:

If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released. I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trishsanderslcsw. Your feedback will help guide future episodes, and I love hearing from you. Also. Please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared. Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.