When Depression is in your bed

The Politics of Rest: Power, Privilege, and the Pause

• Trish Sanders, LCSW • Episode 35

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Rest represents one of our most fundamental needs, yet access to it remains profoundly unequal. Some can freely embrace rest without judgment, while others face criticism, shame, and real-world consequences for the same basic human necessity. This stark reality forms the foundation of what I call "the politics of rest."

Who gets to rest without being labeled lazy? Who can take mental health days without facing scrutiny? These aren't neutral questions but deeply political ones shaped by systems of privilege, power, and policy. Wealth-holding households enjoy vacations and help with daily tasks without judgment, while economically disadvantaged people, communities of color, women, and immigrants face barriers to the same recovery time. This disparity reveals how rest has become politicized—a resource available to some while denied to others.

I've experienced firsthand how transformative intentional rest can be. After feeling burnout, particularly following the pandemic, I consciously slowed down and reduced my workload. This choice—made possible by my privilege—profoundly improved my wellness journey. Yet I recognize that many cannot make similar choices. For generations, many communities have carried the trauma of not being allowed to slow down, where resting could mean life or death. This history lives on in our bodies and nervous systems today.

Perhaps most provocatively, I suggest that depression might be viewed not as a personal failure but as a reasonable response to unreasonable demands—the body's last-resort mechanism when proper rest is systematically denied. The collapse that comes with depression isn't truly restful, as it's accompanied by shame and self-criticism, but it points to our fundamental need for recovery. Creating a world where rest is accessible to everyone isn't just about personal wellness—it's about justice, equity, and transforming systems that exhaust us by design. What's your experience with rest? I'd love to continue this conversation with you.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the One Depression is in your Bed podcast. Today I'm going to continue the conversation about rest, focusing on the politics of rest. Are you interested, curious? Perhaps you've had enough of politics, especially these days? Either way, I can understand and I invite you to join me to listen in to today's episode. I'm your host, trish Sanders, and I am delighted that you are here, so let's get started. I'm your host, trish Sanders, and I am delighted that you are here, so let's get started.

Speaker 1:

As I prepared for this episode, I started to notice that I was having a different experience than I usually do. I'm usually very excited as I get ready to record the next episode, and the way I run my episodes is that I don't have a master plan in advance, although I mentioned this before, I do have lots of notes. When I have an idea of an episode that I want to do, I do jot them down and I have a document where that's all recorded. But I tend to choose my topic in a more organic way from the last episode I recorded, so I don't necessarily know what I'll be recording five or 10 episodes from now. I've just been seeing what feels right after I record each episode and deciding if it is a topic that I want to talk more about or if it segues into another topic or what have you.

Speaker 1:

And when I recorded last week's episode, which was about rest and how I was noticing in myself that I was having enormous gratitude for the privilege that I had to slow down and go on this eight days of wellness that I was able to experience a few weeks ago, where I went on a three-day wellness weekend followed by a five-day retreat training on polyvagal theory, which is about nervous system work. And that gratitude that I had and that awareness of my privilege to go and slow down, along with my own experience of the last several years where I very consciously and purposefully slowed down, reduced my caseload of clients that I'm working with, tried to slow down in life. I'm still pretty busy and my calendar is still pretty packed, but in so many ways I have slowed down and I'm in the process of learning how to slow down even further, and that has been so beneficial to my own wellness journey and my own healing journey and my own ability to grow and do things in new and different ways that really work better for me, and so I was really excited about my episode last week and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to talk about rest and the importance and kind of start exploring rest in our society and our culture. So I made last week's episode and I knew that in the next episode I wanted to talk about the access to rest and strangely I noticed that I wasn't really thinking about my episode this week. Usually I have ideas pop into my mind Sometimes, I jot some thoughts down over the course of the week about things that I want to include when I talk, and nothing was coming.

Speaker 1:

And all of a sudden it was occurring to me that I was getting nearer to when I needed to have the episode recorded so that I could release my weekly episodes, and I was like, huh, that's strange, what's going on? So I started to think about it and I realized that I was feeling scared in a way, because as a therapist, certainly you are taught to be neutral, and I'm a couples therapist. I work with people in relationship, I work with families. Being able to not pick a side and hold space for everyone is a key skill in being a therapist, right, and so taking a hard stance on politics and I don't mean this in the way of necessarily picking a political party, although that's one part of politics, but I mean really taking such a hard stand on something in such a clear way, I realized felt scary to me. And I also realized, along with all that I just shared about how rest has been a privilege that I've been able to enjoy and how that felt really important for me to talk about, to think about how to make rest accessible to more people, which, of course, is what led me to today's topic I was able to bring into my awareness that I became a social worker on purpose. There's a lot of different ways that you can go into the mental health field. They all have some overlap in training and some overlap in service, and then there's also a lot of differences. But I chose to be a social worker because I believe in doing social work, I believe in supporting social justice. So once I was able to realign with my values, I was able to feel less scared and much more excited, and then I was able to get ready to record today's episode.

Speaker 1:

So, as I share all of that, I want to acknowledge that you, as a listener, may have a very wide spectrum of reactions to what I'm sharing, and if you are curious or interested or agree with my perspective, or if this episode makes you feel seen, then I welcome you and I hope that you connect with me on social media. My info is linked in the show notes of the podcast episodes so you can check that out. I would love to continue the conversation and I would love to include your voice and hear your voice, because my voice is one of so many and I think it's really important to hear as many different voices as we can, particularly on a topic so rich as rest is. And on the other side, if this conversation makes you uncomfortable or you staunchly disagree with me, or maybe you want to turn this off, or maybe you've enjoyed previous episodes of mine and now you're rolling your eyes, thinking, ugh, she got political. Maybe that's you, and if that's who you are, then I welcome you too and I extend the same invitation to you to please, if you feel moved, connect with me on social media, go into the show notes, connect with me, because I want to hear your voice as well.

Speaker 1:

We live in a society that has a strong tendency to be very black or white either, or right or wrong. Especially today, we live with so much polarization, and the way I understand that is that we are living in survival modes and so if you're not with me, you're against me, and then I have to fight you or run from you or hide from you. And this is the world that we're living in today, and I can talk a lot more about that, but I just want to say for today's episode that I want to create a space around this conversation, and around any and all conversations, where everyone is invited to participate and everyone can feel safe enough to share their perspective, even if it's completely different than anyone else's in the room, and so everyone's invited. And today we're talking about rest, because it's an incredibly important topic for so many reasons, and one very specific reason is that rest is one thing that supports regulation. So if we're living in this highly dysregulated society where everyone is exhausted from fighting and running and hiding and feeling powerless, then we really need a lot of rest as a society to be able to move somewhere new from here. So let's really dive into today's conversation.

Speaker 1:

I've been mentioning access, and you may or may not be thinking why is access political? What does that mean? And what I mean by that is that having access to a certain resource like health care, including mental health care, or education, or clean water or rest, is political. Who is allowed to have access to these valuable, invaluable life supporting resources is totally political because it is shaped by by the policies that we have in place, by the laws, by the rules, by who is in power. It is shaped by the structure, the system that we all live in, whether we have consciousness or awareness of it or not. And when we think about therapy or healing spaces, it is absolutely governed by who can afford it.

Speaker 1:

And when you think about rest, who can take a break, who can take time off, who can afford to go on a vacation and, beyond vacation, who has access to be able to make their lives more restful, without judgment or shame? That's a big question, because we have a tendency to judge people based on many ways of how they identify or how we perhaps incorrectly choose to identify them, whether it's the color of their skin or their religion or their political party affiliation, their gender, their sex and so much more, and we gate who is allowed to have these resources. So, when you think of a socioeconomically advantaged group, wealth-holding households, and we think about the access that they have to rest or vacation. When some multi-millionaire, billionaire or beyond goes on vacation for an extended period of time, do we call them lazy? We often look at that with some longing or jealousy, but if someone from a socioeconomically disadvantaged group needs to take time off, we might shame them or blame them or assume that they're being lazy because they're not putting work in. And again, if we think about the socioeconomically advantaged people, they often have help doing just about everything, right From childcare to meal preparation, to everyday tasks or any number of things, but we don't think of them as lazy.

Speaker 1:

And so this tendency to blame the individual. Through this very limited and narrow scope that we again often incorrectly see through, we make judgments about people as an individual rather than looking at this larger system that doesn't allow everyone to have what they need, including when it comes to rest. We might look at a person of color and attach some sort of blame to their race. Or we might look at a woman and expect her to be taking on many of the household responsibilities and the child care responsibilities and blame her if she is run down or if she takes time off, or shame her for that need. And certainly when it comes to people with mental health struggles, we have a strong tendency to blame and shame and criticize them, as if they have a personality defect because of who they are, rather than looking at this much larger system that is impacting them.

Speaker 1:

My personal, professional and political perspective is that people who are dealing with mental health disorders, generally speaking and I will also speak specifically to depression is that I think that, at least for many, if not all, and maybe in part as opposed to completely, but I think that people who are suffering with depression, I don't think of it as mental illness. I think of it as perhaps a very healthy, reasonable, important response to a system that doesn't allow rest, that expects us to push and strive and be overwhelmed and live in chaos and run on fumes and sometimes our only defense and this is unconscious, by the way, we're not choosing this like oh, I'm going to get depressed, so I don't have to go to work. But if you're overwhelmed and you don't have support and resources and this is overly simplistic, by the way, there's so many different situations I hope you can follow along and kind of hear what I mean in a broader way. But if somebody is mentally ill and they need a mental health day or they need to have a prolonged absence from work because of their mental health struggles, we blame that person Like they couldn't handle it. You know there's something wrong with them for not being able to do what the rest of us are able to do.

Speaker 1:

Yet, as somebody who has struggled so deeply with depression for decades, I know that overwhelm and even though and I've talked about this in previous episodes and we'll talk about in future episodes again the rest that comes with depression is really not restful, because you're in a survival state and it's a shutdown collapse. But you feel the weight oftentimes. Certainly, I have felt the weight even when I'm disconnected and depressed and in my little depressed blanket. I usually think about it as like wrapping myself in this dark blanket of misery and depression. It's exhausting because you know what you're not doing. You are aware that other people are shaming and blaming you and you are shaming and blaming and criticizing yourself for not being good enough, for not being worthy, for not being able to do what you think you're supposed to do. But maybe we're not supposed to be like this. Maybe we're not supposed to push and strive and never let up. Maybe depression is one response to a system that isn't working for us, that isn't supporting those of us who don't have access to these resources.

Speaker 1:

Again, of course, in today's episode we're talking about rest as a resource, but so many other resources are blocked from so many people in our society. So who gets to rest, who gets access, who is not blamed or shamed or criticized for needing to rest, is incredibly political. Black, brown, indigenous people, immigrants, working-class they have historically been denied access to rest. They have no other choice but to push to survive, and this is not something that used to just happen. It goes on today and continues to go on. Historically, people were not only not given that used to just happen, it goes on today and continues to go on. Historically, people were not only not given the opportunity to rest, but resting could mean literally life or death, and so so many people carry in their bones, in their DNA, this ancestral trauma that they can't slow down or recover. When our body, like I said, was depression, I think it could be a very reasonable, very valid response to generations of not being able to slow down when your body gives you no other choice. But there is a reason why people are exhausted. There is a reason why women are exhausted people of color, immigrants, indigenous people. We are carrying beyond personal stress. We are carrying generations of history that have created very political, intentional systems that continue this oppression.

Speaker 1:

Now I will just state as I've stated before, but just to be very clear I am a white cisgender woman. I am not an immigrant, I am not an indigenous person. These are not perspectives. I'm speaking from firsthand. And yet, as a white cis woman, I feel like it's my privilege to not be able to talk about these things, because in so many ways I haven't been directly affected and yet I can see the system and I can see the societies and the people who are being affected and, of course, as a woman, I do firsthand know the experience of society sending a message that I have to and should do it all, be it all to everyone and everything and not prioritize myself. I see that in the world, I see that in my office, I see that in many places in my life. So I just want to name that piece.

Speaker 1:

But I know that silence is a privilege and me staying quiet doesn't help me and it doesn't help anyone else, and I'm here hopefully to have conversations in which many people can participate. I know right now I do these solo episodes, but I'm very much looking forward to being able to have conversations with other people Again those who see the world from my perspective and those who see the world from different perspectives, because I do think that that's how change and growth is possible through regulation and connection and making a safe enough place for all, including a safe enough place for all to rest when they need, is how we will change the world. That's a huge part of the reason I have this podcast to be able to initiate some of these kinds of conversations that I hope serve a piece in helping the world shift in a much more positive way. So there's so much more to say and I will continue my conversation probably in the next couple of episodes. I think there's more than just one more episode left here on this topic, but I'm really interested in hearing how this lands for you, what you think and what your experience is around rest, because, like I said, I wouldn't be here right now being able to have this podcast or be able to be living the life I'm living today without having been able to slow down over the last few years, which didn't come easily.

Speaker 1:

There was sacrifice in it, certainly, which I'll save for another time, but being able to make that choice and to notice that I needed to slow down. I was pushing too hard, I was overwhelmed all of the time, particularly coming out of the pandemic. I was working quite a lot from home and I really got to a sense of burnout, which is very common in mental health practitioners and maybe should be its own whole, separate episode. So I noticed I needed to slow down and I was sitting in a position of enough privilege that I was able to do that for myself and, as a result, I've been able to see the impact the hugely positive impact that has had on me, and I really want to think about how to make rest more accessible to more people. So I will continue to talk next time about this. Again, I'm really open to hearing your feedback and I hope that my perspective opens some conversations that lead to something new happening that works better for many more of us.

Speaker 1:

Regardless of who you are, where you came from or any other quality about you, I truly believe in equity and I do think that rest is something that is vitally important for everyone to have access to, as much as they need to be able to live a healthy life and be able to have space for healing deep, true healing to occur.

Speaker 1:

As our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments, because I want to thank you for showing up today and I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be. The path may seem long or unclear or unknown, and I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay. Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once. We don't travel a whole journey in one stride, and that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one, any type, any size, in any direction. It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize, taking in your mind. It can be a step towards action or towards rest, or connection or self-care, or whatever step makes sense to you.

Speaker 1:

I invite you to take a step today because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed. If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released. I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trishsanderslcsw. Your feedback will help guide future episodes and I love hearing from you. Also, please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared. Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.