The Brilliance of Blended States: Nervous System Flexibility & Creativity

What if feeling energized, creative, connected, rested, and even grieving aren't separate experiences, but examples of your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do? 

In this episode, I explore one of the most important, and least talked about, concepts in nervous system education: blended states.

While we often talk about ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal as separate nervous system states, the reality is far more nuanced. Our nervous systems are constantly mixing and matching different forms of energy, helping us adapt to whatever life is asking of us in any given moment.

Because the goal of nervous system wellness is not to stay calm all the time.

And it’s not to live in ventral energy 24/7.

The goal is flexibility.

The ability to move, blend, adapt, recover, connect, create, rest, and respond to life with the right kind and amount of energy for the moment.

In this episode, I explore how blended states show up in everyday life, from play, creativity, and movement to rest, grief, parenting, relationships, and some of our most meaningful human experiences. 

In this episode, we explore:

• What blended nervous system states are and why they matter
• Why pure nervous system states are likely the exception, not the norm
• How ventral energy acts as an anchor for regulation and connection
• The difference between sympathetic self-protection and ventral-anchored action
• How rest, reflection, and restoration emerge when ventral and dorsal work together
• Why some of life's most meaningful experiences happen in blended states
• How creativity, play, movement, restorative rest and flow depend on nervous system flexibility
• What it means to be "safely still" versus shut down
• How blended states show up in parenting, relationships, grief, and everyday life
• Why nervous system flexibility, not constant calm, is the true goal of regulation

Your nervous system was never designed to stay in one state.

It was designed to move.
 To blend.
 To adapt.
 To protect.
 To connect.
 To create.
 To grieve.
 To rest.
 To love.

And perhaps some of the most beautiful moments in life happen when all of those capacities work together.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! 

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Transcript

Nervous System Labels Miss Nuance

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the When Depression is in your bed podcast. Sometimes we learn something that can be incredibly helpful and practical in our lives. And at the same time, the things we learn can also be incomplete or at least oversimplified. And I definitely think that that's the case with a lot of the nervous system education that's out there and available today. We often hear about being regulated or dysregulated, safe or activated. We hear about fight or flight and shutdown. And I think that those are very, very powerful concepts, and I often talk about them right here on the podcast. But in truth, our nervous systems are so much more complex than that. Through my own education and experience, I have come to truly appreciate just how nuanced and flexible and absolutely brilliant our nervous systems are. And today I want to explore some of that complexity with you. I'm your host, Trish Sanders, and I am delighted that you are here. Let's get started. Over most of my podcast episodes, I talk about nervous system states, dysregulation, regulation, and nervous system flexibility. It's really at the core of most everything that I share and talk about. And after doing my episode on nervous system myths a few weeks ago, I started really thinking more and more about the information that I was sharing. Because while I definitely think and certainly hope that I share helpful information, I also realize that I too oversimplify nervous system education. And in part I do this because it's actually easier to understand that way. And in part because when we're talking about nervous systems and mental health, depression and anxiety, shutdown, overwhelm, self-protection, all of that, it could be useful to think about the three branches of our nervous system and their primary functions ventral, safe and connected, sympathetic, mobilized response to threat, and dorsal, shutdown to preserve life. That model works, and I think it's incredibly useful and incredibly practical. And it's also not the whole story, because in reality, the nervous system is so much more complex than that. And so

Blended States And The Car

SPEAKER_00 1:55

today I want to talk to you about what I think may be one of the absolute most important concepts in nervous system education, as well as one of the concepts that is least talked about, which is blended states. When I teach about blended states, I use the analogy of a car. You are the whole car. And inside the car, we have two branches and three nervous system states, and all three are present all the time. And in any given moment, at least one of the states is in the driver's seat. One might be riding shotgun, another might be in the back seat, and from time to time, you might even find that one is locked in the trunk. And if you could think of two of these states, or even sometimes all three of the states, having their metaphorical hands on the wheel at the same time, this is what it means when I talk about experiencing a blended state. And honestly, blended states are really much more common than experiencing any one of our nervous system states in its pure and separate form, which is how we often talk about it and how I often talk about it on the podcast as well. And the brilliance of our nervous system is that it is constantly working in the background. We are not aware of it, we are not conscious of it, and we're not thinking about it or telling it what to do. However, it is constantly, moment to moment, mixing and matching these different energies, these different ways of showing up in the world so that we are able to respond to whatever is happening to us at any time. And I think that is incredible.

Regulation Means A Ventral Anchor

SPEAKER_00 3:21

So when I talk about regulation, as I often do, it essentially means that when you're blending the states or mixing and matching, there is some ventral energy in the blend. Not only ventral energy necessarily, but enough. You could think of Deb Dana's term having a ventral anchor so that you feel safe enough, connected enough, and grounded enough to be able to have clarity about what to do in a situation, what action you can take that will hopefully likely or most likely get you closer to what you actually want, and really to be able to respond in a way that the situation in the present moment actually calls for. When ventral energy is present, again, not complete, and not even necessarily a lot of ventral energy, but some, we're able to stay connected to ourselves and those around us, even in moments of challenge. So when you hear me talking about getting regulated, I'm basically saying that I'm trying to get more ventral energy in the driver's seat. Not because sympathetic or dorsal energy is bad in any way, because they are certainly not, but because ventral energy being present helps our system function more effectively. When

Mobilization With Connection

SPEAKER_00 4:27

you hear me talk about our sympathetic state, you often hear me referring to it as fight or flight. And I do that because people often can quickly identify that in themselves and in others, and they know exactly what I'm talking about. That fight or flight energy allows us to mobilize and do something when we're feeling a threat. And it's really helpful that we have that kind of response. But when we add ventril to the mix, something really awesome happens. We move out of self-protection and into things that I personally would say are probably some of the best experiences that we can have in life. Play, flow, purposeful action, or what I refer to as anchored action, adventure, and movement. So think about going for a hike, having a dance party with the kids, working on a meaningful project at home or at work, playing a sport, feeling energized and alive, and even having sex. These are not anxious or rageful experiences. They are mobilization with connection.

Shutdown With Safety And Rest

SPEAKER_00 5:21

When you hear me talk about the dorsal state, you'll also often hear me say shutdown, collapse, avoidance, and withdrawal. But the truth is that dorsal is not just a state of being broken or unable to function in any way. That certainly can happen when people are stuck in that dorsal state, but dorsal is actually just another way that the system can protect itself. And again, when you add ventral energy into the mix, you get something different. You get true rest, restoration, renewal, and moments of reflection. Think taking a restorative nap that when you wake up from it, you actually feel rested or enjoying a moment sitting in the shade after doing some yard work, curling up with a good book at the end of a long day, sitting in meditation or at the edge of a lake watching a beautiful sunset. These are moments of what Deb Dana refers to as safely still. These are not moments of collapse. They are moments of renewal and nourishment. Now, you don't often hear me talking about someone experiencing pure ventral energy. And there's a lot of reasons for that. In part, it's because if you think about someone struggling with depression or anxiety, having an experience of complete safe groundedness is not something that many of us who struggle with that frequently experience. I know that that certainly has been true for a large portion of my life. However, it's also true that even people in the population who do not identify as struggling with mental health challenges do not actually experience what would be considered a pure ventral experience very frequently. And again, as I said, really we're designed to be in blended states and ventral is that anchor and creating blended states is really much more useful in our life as human beings. However, when I do think about ventral energy in its pure state, I think of it as a state of being or a state of pure consciousness, of being purely connected. So perhaps sitting in silence with a really close friend and feeling completely at ease, or think about holding your baby and watching them as they sleep at night, or sitting with your cat or your dog curled up in your lap. It could be a moment of gentle laughter or of having the experience of looking into someone's eyes and feeling truly and deeply seen. These are also some of life's most beautiful moments. And yet, the goal is not to stay in pure ventral energy all of the time. Life requires more than just being. There's a lot of really wonderful parts of life that come with doing. It requires movement and action and rest and creativity and grief and connecting and leading and knowing when to step back and so much more, which means we need to be able to blend states.

Flexibility In Grief Conflict And Crisis

SPEAKER_00 7:56

We can even experience a blend of all three of our nervous system states at the same time. It's when we have some sympathetic energy present as well as dorsal, and we also have our ventral anchor. It's a state where you can hold the awareness of a potential threat or danger or challenge alongside the experience of knowing that there's grief or exhaustion or softness or vulnerability. And through it all, you're able to stay connected to yourself and those around you. Think about the experience of anticipatory grief sitting beside a loved one in their last days or weeks. It's that energy where you know that something is happening and you want to take action to do something about it, and yet you can't. And so you sit with the heaviness, with the grief, and also you're able to stay present with yourself and with the person that you love. Think about parenting during a crisis when you have to stay connected and be aware of those around you that you love so much and you have to take sometimes extreme action in order to protect them. And yet you can feel the exhaustion, but you push through. Or it could be that moment before giving a big speech that you're terrified to give, and all of you wants to run or hide, and yet you take a deep breath and you step out onto the stage. These are not moments of calm, and you're also not free from activation or impulses to collapse. Yet you're able to stay connected. So if I haven't made it clear already, some of the absolute best moments that we can experience in life are moments we experience in blended states. And this is why nervous system flexibility that I talk about often is so incredibly important. It is our system's ability to move in and out of not only these three different distinct states of the nervous system, but also, like I said before, to mix and match and pick just the right amount of each state that is needed in any given moment so that we can show up and respond as life needs us to. The goal can never be to not be activated or never shut down or to never feel overwhelmed. The goal is always flexibility. Can your system respond appropriately? Can you act when needed? Can you rest when needed? And can you reconnect through it all? Think of those stories where you hear about a mother who is able to lift a car in order to save her child. That requires a massive amount of sympathetic energy in order to make that kind of thing happen. And then after her child is safe, all that sympathetic energy is no longer needed and it can be let go. And ideally, that mother can go back into a more connected and calmer state, and certainly hopefully into a state of deep restoration and renewal as well. That's what nervous system flexibility can look like. In a more common example, and this is something I often refer to, if you think about driving down a highway and you get cut off by a driver, the ability to either jam on your brakes or quickly turn the wheel to avoid danger, again, surge of sympathetic energy there. And then once the danger is over, you can hopefully release that sympathetic energy and go back into more of a blended state that has a more ventral anchor, where you're like, whew, huh, I'm safe now, I'm actually okay again. And you can continue driving and continue on with your day. You don't get stuck in that state of panic because it's no longer helpful since the danger has actually passed. Or if you think about a Friday night after a long week of work where you just want to take some time to relax and unwind, rest and recover. And then once you feel better, maybe either you go out for dinner on Friday night or you get a good night's sleep, and Saturday morning you're ready to go about your day, spend time with those you love, hopefully have some fun and actually enjoy your weekend, not be stuck in complete and total shutdown until you have to dreadfully head back to work again on Monday. And then one of my most favorite examples, of course, is about being in relationship. Think of those moments when you and your partner are having a challenge and one of you goes to start a conversation and it might feel scary and you might get an urge to protect yourself either by trying harder, putting in more energy in, maybe yelling, maybe criticizing or judging, even if you don't really mean to, or perhaps you have an impulse to shut down, hide, and avoid the conversation. In those moments when you have those impulses, but you recognize them and you say, okay, this is a person who's important to me, and this is a situation that I believe that we can handle. And so you're able to self-regulate or co-regulate together so you have enough of that ventral energy present. And then you can figure out how to have that conversation or deal with that problem in a way that is actually productive and helps you feel connected and stronger in the relationship together. All of these situations demonstrate true nervous system flexibility, and that really is the goal. So in today's episode, I hope you can hear that your nervous system is not broken or forever stuck. It's actually brilliant and it's not designed to be in any one state for any length of time. It was designed to move, to blend, to adapt, to protect, to connect and create, to grieve and rest, to love and to be in relationship. And nervous system wellness is not about being calm all the time. It really is about being able to blend our states so we can respond to whatever is happening in our life in the present moment. And being able to have that level of flexibility to move through life while feeling connected to yourself and those around you is what life is all about. And I think there's something incredibly hopeful about that. And I hope that there's something in today's conversation that feels hopeful for you too. As

One Step Invitation And Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 13:27

our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments because I want to thank you for showing up today. And I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey. In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be, the path may seem long or unclear or unknown. And I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay. Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once. We don't travel a whole journey in one stride. And that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one. Any type, any size, in any direction. It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize taking in your mind. It can be a step towards action or towards rest or connection or self-care or whatever step makes sense to you. I invite you to take a step today because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed. If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released. I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trish.sanders.lcsw. Your feedback will help guide future episodes, and I love hearing from you. Also, please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared. Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.