Spiritual Bookshelf Episode 68 ：Practicing a Sense of Ease – Changing Your Thinking Through Psychological Tracing Part 1

Hi everyone, welcome back to the show. I’m Phillip.

Let me start with a simple question. Have you ever felt tired of living? Not physically tired, but emotionally tired. Like you always have to perform well, achieve more, prove yourself, and get approval just to feel like you’re enough. As if your value depends on your grades, your job title, your income, or how others see you.

What if one day you didn’t have to prove anything? What if you didn’t need achievements or recognition to feel secure? What if just being yourself was already enough? Today, I want to explore that idea with you.

Today I want to introduce a book called The Practice of Ease: You Don’t Have to Live Up to Others’ Expectations. The author is Japanese philosopher and counselor Ichiro Kishimi, who also co-authored The Courage to Be Disliked. His work is deeply influenced by Alfred Adler, a psychologist whose ideas are both simple and revolutionary. Adler famously said, “It is not events themselves that disturb us, but the meaning we give to them.”

At first, that sounds almost too simple. But if you really understand it, it changes everything. It shifts the focus from what happens to you, to how you interpret what happens. And that’s powerful.

Kishimi introduces a method called “psychological tracing.” It may sound technical, but it’s actually very intuitive. It means going back to the source in order to understand the present. Many of our current anxieties, perfectionism, or people-pleasing tendencies didn’t appear out of nowhere. They were strategies we developed as children.

As kids, we needed love. We needed attention. We needed safety. So we learned what worked. Maybe you were only praised when you got first place. Maybe your parents compared you with your siblings. Maybe your home environment was tense, so you learned to stay quiet and not cause trouble.

Over time, these strategies became your “life script.” And here’s the key question: that script may have helped you survive back then, but is it still serving you now?

Why do childhood patterns continue into adulthood? There are three main psychological mechanisms at work.

First, those patterns once worked. If you discovered that “being perfect gets me love,” your brain stored that as a success formula. And your brain loves formulas that seem to guarantee safety. So you carry that formula into your career, relationships, and adult life.

Second, there’s something called confirmation bias. Once you believe something about yourself—like “I’m not good enough”—your brain starts filtering reality through that belief. 

Third, there’s neural pathway inertia. The more you repeat a certain response, the stronger the neural connection becomes. 

So sometimes your anxiety today isn’t because you’re actually incapable. It’s because you’re using an old map to navigate a new road.

Now, psychological tracing is not about blaming your parents or your past. It’s about three important steps.

The first is awareness. You begin to notice that your current pain may be coming from old patterns. You realize, “Oh, this reaction isn’t random. It has a history.”

The second is loosening. You understand that your personality is not destiny. It’s a strategy you learned. And if it was learned, it can be unlearned or reshaped.

The third is re-orientation. Since you learned those patterns once, you can learn new ones now. With practice and intention, you can choose different responses.

Awareness. Loosening. Re-orientation. These three steps are often at the heart of major personal transformation.

If we don’t allow the past to become the past, it quietly becomes our future.

Let’s practice living with more ease—and with more happiness. I’m Phillip. I’ll see you next time. Wishing you peace and joy.