Spiritual Bookshelf Episode 76 : Practicing Being at Ease—Breaking Goals Down to "What Can I Do Today? Part 9

Hi everyone, and welcome back to the show! I’m your host, Phillip. Today, we’re continuing our deep dive into a book that has been a refreshing guide for so many of us: The Practice of Being at Ease: You Don't Have to Live Up to Everyone's Expectations

The author, Ichiro Kishimi—the brilliant philosopher who co-authored the bestseller The Courage to Be Disliked—continues to explore the life-changing wisdom of Alfred Adler. Adler had a famous saying: "It’s not what happens to us that causes trouble, but our interpretation of it." Now, I know we’ve all heard variations of this a thousand times. It can sound like just another "inspirational quote" you’d see on social media. But if you really sit with it for a moment, you’ll realize this sentence is actually handing the steering wheel of your life back to you. It tells us that what truly dictates our emotions and our choices isn't the event itself, but our own internal "interpretative filter."

Let’s be honest: Are we too used to blaming our struggles on our environment? Maybe it’s our family background, a difficult boss, an unsupportive partner, or just "bad timing." While these factors are very real and can be incredibly challenging, Adler challenges us with a tough question: If you give your past and your environment all the power, what do you have left for yourself? When we say, "I can't succeed because of my background," we are essentially telling ourselves, "I have no choice. I am a victim of my circumstances." This chapter of the book brings us back to a starting point that is very simple, yet incredibly brave: Starting from your true self. Not the "ideal" version of you, not the version others expect you to be, but the "you" who is standing here right now—flaws, fears, and all.

Kishimi uses some great everyday examples to illustrate this "filter." Let’s take learning a foreign language. Have you noticed that many people aren't actually "lazy" about learning? They’re just terrified of speaking. Why? Because they’re afraid of a bad accent, making grammar mistakes, or being judged. 

On the surface, it looks like a lack of skill, but it’s actually the ego at work. Many of us would secretly rather be seen as "a genius who just doesn't try" than as "a beginner who tries hard but makes mistakes." We don't want people to see the "unskilled version" of us, so we stay silent. But a true learner—someone who is truly at ease—is comfortable saying, "Yes, I’m a beginner, and it’s completely normal to mess up." When you admit you’re starting from zero, that suffocating pressure to be perfect just... vanishes. You no longer have to perform. You no longer have to pretend to be an expert. You can finally just learn.

Kishimi even shares his own journey of learning Ancient Greek. Now, as a famous philosopher, he could have framed this as a grand academic achievement or a boost to his reputation. But he says he didn't learn it for the status or to impress anyone. He did it because he genuinely wanted to read the texts in their original form.

When we break our big, intimidating goals down to the simple question: "What can I do today?", the goal stops being a giant, scary mountain and starts being a path we can actually walk on. It’s not about "Will I be a master in ten years?" It’s about "Can I enjoy learning one new word today?" That shift in focus—from the result to the process—is the ultimate secret to being at ease. It turns life from a series of high-stakes tests into a series of meaningful moments.

As we wrap up today’s episode, I want to challenge you to look at your own "interpretative filter." Is there something in your life you’ve been blaming on your past or your environment? What would happen if you took the steering wheel back today and just accepted exactly where you are? Remember, you don't need to be at the finish line to be worthy; you just need to be on the path.

Thank you so much for joining me and for letting me share th