Overcoming Imposter Syndrome with Emotional Intelligence

Imposter syndrome can creep into the minds of even the most capable individuals, casting shadows of doubt over their abilities and achievements. In this episode, we take a deep dive into how emotional intelligence can be a powerful tool for overcoming imposter syndrome. Together with our guest, Bayron Toruno we unpack the emotional and psychological roots of imposter syndrome and explore how EQ can help reframe self-doubt into confidence and clarity.

Bayron shares his personal journey of navigating imposter syndrome before and after the LionHeartCS EQ Bootcamp, offering practical insights into how emotional intelligence has played a transformative role in his success. From understanding emotional triggers to developing self-awareness and resilience, this episode provides actionable strategies to help you silence your inner critic and embrace your authentic self.

This discussion is filled with tools like mindfulness practices, reframing negative self-talk, and building supportive connections to boost self-worth. By the end of this episode, you’ll feel empowered to harness your emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and step into your potential with unwavering assurance.

Key Highlights:

• Identifying emotional patterns and triggers linked to imposter syndrome
• Practical applications of EQ for building confidence and self-awareness
• Techniques for reframing doubt into opportunities for growth

Guest Contributions:

• Personal stories of overcoming imposter syndrome through emotional intelligence
• Proven tools and strategies to build self-validation and self-confidence
• Insightful takeaways to inspire deeper self-awareness and resilience

Join us for a powerful conversation with Bayron Turuno and learn how to use the power of emotional intelligence to embrace your worth, celebrate your achievements, and take bold strides toward your goals.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:05

Welcome to Friday Feelings, where we turn emotions into power, vulnerability into strength, and remind you to feel everything, fear nothing, and transform your life. Today's focus is combating imposter syndrome. And as we go into today, I am just absolutely delighted to introduce our guest. Um, Baron and I met through back channels. We've been connected now for a couple of years. He has his own podcast, Customer Success Talks, which has been wildly successful. Um, and Bayron is also a participant of the very first emotional intelligent boot camp that I did. So I'm delighted to introduce Byron Turno.

SPEAKER_00: 0:50

Well, it could be like in English and anything that is not Spanish is Toruno, but in Spanish will be Toruno.

SPEAKER_01: 0:57

Toruño. Oh, I like that. I want to get better at pronouncing people's names the right way. Well, thank you so much for joining me, Baron. Um, I would love for you to just share a little bit about you and uh why you were willing to come be a guest today.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11

Yeah, absolutely. Well, first of all, thank you very much for the invite. It's super exciting to have a place where we can talk about this. I think it's uh imposter syndrome is something that we are sometimes scared to talk about. And I know I with time, and as more I'm aware about this and more I talk about it, I notice that there's a lot of people going through the same either imposter syndrome or anything else in life. So um it's nice to be here, and I'm super happy to be in your podcast, Janelle, and talking one more time about uh being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01: 1:47

Yeah, I I appreciate that so much. So let's first start with when I when you say imposter syndrome, for you, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_00: 1:57

That's a good question. I was actually thinking about this before, like you know, preparing for the for the episode. And the definition for me is just not giving myself time to digest uh all the success or to dig to digest the present. Why am I saying this? Because sometimes it's not necessarily imposter syndrome itself, it's not necessarily lack of confidence, it's just that you are going through something new, either a new project, a new country, a new language, a new behavior, a new um uh job that you have, right? So it's just about maybe change management too.

SPEAKER_01: 2:41

I love that. That's a really uh unique perspective on imposter syndrome. And I'm curious, can you give us an example of um something recently that triggered those thoughts or emotions? What you know, what was the circumstance and and how did you work through that in the moment?

SPEAKER_00: 2:58

So recently, I will say maybe five minutes ago. I think I'm still recovering about this. I'm still recovering. Okay, okay. But like I said, this is something that it will not disappear. It will it will always be with us. It's like when you have fear, when you're nervous, it's just an emotion that comes from decades, it's telling you something. So it's about knowing how to work with it. And I do I can tell you that the first time that I met this term imposter syndrome was almost two years ago when I recently moved to Germany, actually. And I think that since the day I moved to Germany, moving from another country, another weather, language, culture, food, etc., from a tropical Costa Rica to the uh uh a big country with a lot of culture and so on, that process triggered me something that I couldn't I didn't know how to manage and I didn't know how to identify it. I also was new, again, new, not only in a country, but in a new company, international people around.

SPEAKER_01: 4:00

That's a lot of new.

SPEAKER_00: 4:02

It's a lot of new, but then I was not feeling well. I was not feeling well, but I didn't know what was the issue. And then I decided to talk about this with one of my colleagues, and she said something really, really interesting, Janelle. She said, We just have to live the present. And then in the company, they have at that old company, they had like uh every three minutes a quarter meeting personally, and then we all talk about something. And I decided to talk about this with another colleague who was going through the same, and that's when I met this imposter syndrome, and since then I'm aware of it.

SPEAKER_01: 4:39

I love that. What do you what do you think is a core cause of imposter syndrome? Like when you break it down to the root cause, what's the key driver behind imposter syndrome for you?

SPEAKER_00: 4:56

Trying to be perfect.

SPEAKER_01: 4:59

Ah, perfectionism.

SPEAKER_00: 5:02

That's one.

SPEAKER_01: 5:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:04

I think that the other one is not taking the time to digest what you what you have done. Like not being able to eat because uh imposter syndrome, it's uh doubting of your skills, accomplishments, despite the clear evidence of the success. And that's the part that I want to highlight, despite the clear evidence of their of our success. So why are we scared of eventually being exposed? Exposed to what? You know, so that that fear is because we want to be per perfect, and maybe we're comparing, or I'm sorry, I was comparing to other people around me too.

SPEAKER_01: 5:51

So, did that expectation of perfectionism come from a place that you've been able to recognize?

SPEAKER_00: 6:00

That's a good question. I haven't been able to recognize that yet.

SPEAKER_01: 6:05

Maybe something for you and I to work through sometime.

SPEAKER_00: 6:09

Those are really good questions. I haven't thought about it. I have been always really curious. And I think that this thing about being really, really curious, Janelle, makes you ask a lot of questions, makes you learn a lot. But at the same time, when do you have time to digest all of that?

SPEAKER_01: 6:28

Yeah, well, I mean, one of the things you and I have talked about that we talk about in Lionheart is being intentional and purposeful with our time when it comes to the time we give ourselves, meaning throughout your day, there are so many different things that pull your attention. There are so many things that fill up your emotional brain capacity that you are not gonna naturally find time in your day to sit down and go, hmm, I wonder why I strive to be perfect in everything. You know what I mean? Like that's that's not a question that just happens. And so for those deeper dive questions to really understand root causes, because I think understanding imposter syndrome is part of becoming self-aware. And we know the self-awareness is the front door to emotional intelligence. And so from that perspective, I want to encourage you and listeners specifically that if this is one of those areas in your life where you've not really developed, you've not really put in thoughtful and intentional time into asking these difficult questions, that is really where you start with self-awareness because you're asking these questions that are self-defining. You as an individual who seek perfectionism, you weren't born that way. You learned that somewhere in your life, whether a parent taught you, whether it was an expectation of perfect grades, whatever it might be, you know, I had a mom that kept a very um, well, not perfectionism, but the expectation of getting A's in every class. That was an expectation of my household. That fed into my need to have everything perfect all the time, 24-7. And it's something that as I've worked through my own imposter syndrome and digging into the whys and root causes of my life, it's still something I struggle with. I know that it's there. I know where it came from, but I still catch myself going, why am I trying to be perfect in this area? Oh, yeah, that's right. This is where it comes from. Okay, I got to get past that and just accept it. So from that perspective, then I'm gonna ask you, what do you think the difference is between feeling unworthy, imposter syndrome that says, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and being unprepared, meaning you're not coming with the right information. So you feel like you don't, you're not, you shouldn't be there, you shouldn't be a part of the conversation. How do you recognize the distinction in your life between those two?

SPEAKER_00: 8:59

I think that definitely what you said before, Janelle, is is key, right? It's super important. And actually, as you was talking as you were talking, I was also thinking about this and reflecting on myself. And if I can go back a little bit on what you said. This part about being perfectionist, it also comes from my family as well. Now that you said it, you talk about your mom. I will also talk about my mom. Hi to my mom if she's listening. Because something that my mom has is that when she has a goal, she wants to accomplish that goal. Doesn't matter how. And that's something that my sister and myself, when we talk, we also notice that it's like, oh, but we're never satisfied with what we have. Well, because we always want more. And so that comes from that part.

SPEAKER_01: 9:50

That's really insightful. And that's one of those takeaways that you write that down, and the next time you feel like yourself working towards something to be perfect, you get to reference back to that, be like, oh, that's right. This is where it comes from. And I get to give myself grace, or I get to address the fact that nobody's perfect and I'm gonna do my best instead.

SPEAKER_00: 10:10

Indeed. Indeed. And what was your what was your question? Sorry.

SPEAKER_01: 10:13

Yeah, yeah. I moved too fast. Okay, so help help us understand for you what's the difference between imposter syndrome feeling unworthy and imposter syndrome being unprepared.

SPEAKER_00: 10:32

I will say it's about self-awareness well. Like you are you know yourself by thinking taking the time to rest and analyze what you have reached. So it's like if you take a paper and you track your quick wins, then it's easy for you to remember versus not having visually because we are visual human beings.

SPEAKER_01: 10:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 10:57

So having that and going back constantly, if you want to have it somewhere visually great, or if you can if you can have one or two or three always in your mind, I think that that's definitely the the the the part. And if you're not prepared, well, it's not about not being prepared, it's about the intention of curiosity that you're gonna bring.

SPEAKER_01: 11:19

I love that. And and that's definitely something I talk a lot about, which is the work that we need to do, the language that we need to adjust our minds to using about ourselves, that change doesn't occur just thinking, right? It starts with thinking, but if you leave it in your brain, the chances of you remembering all of it, the chances of you um tracking your wins and and remembering those really critical, insightful thoughts you had are low because again, our minds are consumed with so many other priorities. And so one of the things I teach in that practice is write it down. Whether you're a journalist, whether you write the Dear Diary, you know, entry, whether you have a gratitude journal, whether you have a um, like you said, a quick win list of all the accomplishments that you're really proud of, you got to get it out because again, what I found is the way that I think and then how I write something down are two very different things. You know what I mean? And to see my words makes me go, oh, I don't think that that's how I really feel. Or, well, I was thinking this and then I was writing it. They're two different things. So I love that you've highlighted that because I think it's one of those tools that I I did not realize how impactful it could be.

SPEAKER_00: 12:44

Yeah, and sometimes we also don't set realistic goals.

SPEAKER_01: 12:48

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_00: 12:50

Or so I I keep saying we, I will say I myself. I'm gonna talk about my myself. Yeah, goals are sometimes that I said are really not realistic. And um, so why not creating a big goal and then creating small, easy goals towards that, right?

SPEAKER_01: 13:07

Um, so I want to kind of shift us into talking about the hidden costs of imposter syndrome, right? How when you have unresolved imposter syndrome, uh it leads to things like burnout, it can um hinder your ability to identify opportunities for growth and it creates chronic stress in the long term, right? So what have you seen on a personal level, the cost of your imposter syndrome?

SPEAKER_00: 13:39

Not being in the present. Just not being present because I was also scared to make mistakes. When I started the podcast, I was I was editing every single word that I was um saying, and only mine, not about the other hosts or not the guest. I was editing mainly my my words. So nowadays that doesn't happen. And now I live more in the present, I'm more aware as well. And I think that this change, no, I know that this change came after your bootcamp because I became more aware. But being having this fear of making mistakes, it's just something that how can how can you fight against that if everyone will all make mistakes?

SPEAKER_01: 14:28

Yeah, well, I mean, to address that, the bigger word you use, which is fear, right? Fear is the primary root cause between or behind most negative emotions. Fear, when you let fear drive your emotions and your behavior, the end result is never good. And so I'm curious, have you did you have you I'm trying to think about a free system? Um has self-doubt and imposter syndrome led to self-sabotage in your life?

SPEAKER_00: 14:58

100%. And not only that, like imposter syndrome will is basically the first step for depression and um burnout because I want to prove someone that I'm better than someone. So it's just it's just the first step.

SPEAKER_01: 15:18

Yeah, so talk me through an example. Give give our listeners an example of okay, I had this thought, the imposter syndrome thought, and these are the emotions and the behaviors that followed, and it ultimately led to me self-sabotaging this.

SPEAKER_00: 15:34

So the clear example was the podcast. The podcast has been a whole experience, a whole journey for me personally, also professionally as well. But at the beginning, I never I just started something that I didn't know what was gonna come because I was curious and I had this perfectionalism of if I have a goal of transitioning into customer success, I have to do it yes or yes. So that's how I found out about trying to record uh episodes and and bring them to the world. But that means that I was trying to invite specific people that I have had always followed and learned from them. And I wanted to now bring them on the episode, but then it's not that easy, like everyone is super busy as well. And that not being able to do something was making me feel bad and doubting myself. So you see how not do not doing realistic goals because it was just my first, second episode, uh, not not making that realistic pause, and then that makes me generate that negative thoughts. And negative thoughts is something another episode as well.

SPEAKER_01: 16:51

If we can invest in the world, I think it happens, yeah, yeah. So so what's what was the self-sabotage piece?

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01: 17:02

So self-top sabotage means I mull over something that is negative so often and so consistently that the end result is a complete disaster because I led myself to that negative result.

SPEAKER_00: 17:22

Burnout. It's just that I sabotage directly just made like for me it was reflected as having constant burnouts. So I was a I was at some point a disaster. I was not enjoying what I was doing, and it was early on, like I was just maybe five, ten episodes. It's just small. I was not giving myself time to give to process that I was going through a change of some new project, and also at the same time trying to find a new job in something that I haven't done before. So the self-sabotage there is that I never stopped and under and realized what was going on. And that generated me burnout and of course depression. Thanks God that I have an amazing wife, right?

SPEAKER_01: 18:11

I love that. Well, and and I love that let's just highlight that for a sec. This is this life, you are not meant to live alone. Self-awareness is not achievable without insight from other people, especially the people that we love and rely on and trust the most. And you and I have talked a lot about the relationship that you have with your wife and what it means to have a best friend and a support system and someone that breathes life into you on a regular basis, right?

SPEAKER_00: 18:40

We need to talk about what we feel. And we we are not talking about it as much. And that can be family dynamics, that could be cultural, that could be age, that could be your surroundings. So you need to find a way and the people to have a circle of people that you trust that you can talk about stuff. Because if we don't talk about it, we believe that we are the only ones going through that. And at least in postar syndrome, I will say 70, 80% of the people suffer that.

SPEAKER_01: 19:10

I agree. So I want to shift our mindset into let's get beyond the self-doubt mentality and let's talk about how to rewrite your narrative. So you talk about the boot camp and where you kind of began mentally and emotionally with the boot camp, learning the skills and the tools to ask the difficult questions, be introspective and reflective, and ultimately led you to the place that you're at today. So I think a lot of that is identifying the limiting beliefs that you had about yourself and then replacing them with affirming truths, right? The truth about who you are. So walk us through uh that process a little bit.

SPEAKER_00: 19:51

So the bootcomb came in a good, good timing. Or if we would have come today, I will I think I will say the same. If we would have come two years ago, I think I would have said the same. Uh good timing, but the bootcomb was allowed me to understand what was this that I was feeling. I knew I was going through something, I didn't know what it was. Now I am more self-aware, and now I'm more confident as well to talk about this because uh we all have this as well, not only imposter syndrome, we all have fears and and so on. So being able to identify them allowed me also to be able to know what to search for. And since since they bootcome, I have been able to kind of breathe at least one, two, three seconds to not think inconsciously, but think more consciously about myself and also about external communication.

SPEAKER_01: 20:55

Give me one or two beliefs that you had about yourself that were limiting on who you are and your capabilities before the boot camp. And are those beliefs still a part of your internal dialogue?

SPEAKER_00: 21:10

You'd really want people to be um open, right?

SPEAKER_01: 21:16

I do, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:17

I I can notice about your questions, and I'll I loved it. Yeah, um, I was self-doubting about myself, I was self-doubting about coming to another country and thinking that I was starting from zero, but I already started from zero back home in Costa Rica. I already had leadership um experience, I already have customer facing role experience. So I just need to apply this in another field. Now, in customer success, it was something new. So I was constantly um doubting of myself because I always felt that I was not enough. So when I when I now am able to learn how to talk with Myself and use the logic for those negative thoughts that come to mind. That now changed. And that I think is key because after your bootcamp channel, I was able to increase my confidence, which means that I was more in my present, which means that I was able to talk to myself and manage those negative thoughts. Before I was trying to hide them, now I try I'm trying to understand them. So it's a constant conversation, but now it's not I'm not burnout anymore. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 22:31

I love that. Well, because we're we're into our last couple of minutes, can you give our listeners, if there's a listener today who is resonating with everything that you say, and they're like, I just don't know where to start, or uh offer best practices or tips that worked for you to get you to the place that you're at today?

SPEAKER_00: 22:52

I would answer this thinking of who I was a couple of months ago or before the bootcamp. And I will say to myself to listen to what your mind is saying and your feelings, because they are there for something, but learn how to deal with that in a logical way. That's it. I mean, what is logic? I think it's each one of us have our own background, but as much as we are able to get out of our soft uh so uh our um comfort zones, we have more to more information around us to prepare us better for something. So I will say that stop comparing to yourself if you're comparing, I mean, stop comparing to others if you're doing that, and just take the time to to breathe and write down what you have accomplished.

SPEAKER_01: 23:53

Well, we uh the saying is that comparison is the thief of joy, right? Um, but let's let's break that down into a tactical offering. So, what's one thing that a listener can take away and do today to start to move in the direction of becoming more self-confident and and quieting the voice of imposter syndrome?

SPEAKER_00: 24:17

There's a technique that I learned from your bootcom called 4321 technique.

SPEAKER_01: 24:22

Five, four, three, two. Five.

SPEAKER_00: 24:24

Don't forget five.

SPEAKER_01: 24:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 24:25

But sometimes the fifth one, you're you know, that's why I took it into one and then break it out as well. Okay, okay, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_01: 24:33

Walk us, walk us through your four, three, two, one, there.

SPEAKER_00: 24:36

So, but this technique is basically you are um distracting your mind, and this is something that I'm not using anymore because now I'm I feel that I'm more confident, but at the beginning it was a good way to start. So basically, is that if you have a negative thought or if you feel uh anxious for something or anything is triggering, you can use the four three two one technique. Uh four things you can see, uh three things you can touch, uh two things you can hear, uh, and one thing you can either smell or taste. Uh this was the the the debate before. So this is something that you can use and just by taking maybe 10, 20 seconds of your time, and it will be something that that you will see how it's gonna slowly help you.

SPEAKER_01: 25:25

When you first started this, give me a timeline of okay, I I learned this methodology, I started to implement it. When did you see a difference? How long did it take you to really uh uh um understand the impact?

SPEAKER_00: 25:41

Approximately three months for me. Okay. Because first it's a continuous fighting of myself into do I really have to read this book? Do I really have to talk about this? Am I really kind of um uh sick because of talking and thinking like this? But then I realized that I was actually healing.

SPEAKER_01: 26:02

Yeah, I love that. Well, um, we're gonna wrap up here shortly, but I want to just offer a final piece of advice that if you're dealing with imposter syndrome, Baron's story is a beautiful example of not being afraid to face the internal voice within him, face it head on. And yes, it's painful, yes, it's uncomfortable at times, yes, you might not like where you're at and who you are in those moments. But the truth of all of this is that when you take action, when you take intentional and purposeful steps forward to face that head on, there is victory that's possible on the other side. There is freedom and hope and excitement about what the future holds, but it means that you have to step out and do something. And I and I love the the line in Top Gun, which is think or uh don't think, just do, right? Don't overthink this, don't criticize or don't dismantle the idea and and come up with all these reasons why it won't work for you. It does work. Now, the five, the well, it is five, four, three, two, one, but it may not work for you. The point of it is there's two things. One, he did it for three months. You're not gonna start something new and overnight or in a week see radical change. It takes time to allow these methodologies to sink in and take effect. And two, he did something different. It was something he'd never learned before. It was something that was probably very unfamiliar. And at the beginning, you were kind of probably like, uh, really? Is this really gonna help me? But you gave it an honest effort and you found that it worked. And so for listeners today, it's it's not gonna, every method is not gonna work for you. You have to be committed to finding the one that does work for you and then lean into it and allow it to change you from the inside out. Um, and so as we wrap today's episode, I want you to be inspired to feel deeply, fearlessly, and authentically. Keep leaning into your feelings because transformation starts within. Bayron, you've been an absolute delight, as you always are. Thank you again for joining us. Where can people find you to connect with you?

SPEAKER_00: 28:18

Yeah, uh, thank you for the time, Janelle. Again, love talking to you as always. Hope I can meet in person one day. And people, you can find- Don't say someday.

SPEAKER_01: 28:27

It's gonna be that second or the third week in January. Oh, it's a confirmed your way. It is confirmed. It's a confirmed day.

SPEAKER_00: 28:32

Okay, perfect. So see you in a couple of weeks, basically. And everyone, you can find me on LinkedIn. I will be there. Um, I will always do my best to answer every every message.

SPEAKER_01: 28:45

So in Customer Success Talks, you can subscribe to the Customer Success Talks podcast. Where? Where can I find you?

SPEAKER_00: 28:52

So, also, yeah, Janelle, thank you for that. The podcast is on Spotify, it's also on Apple Podcast, and it's on YouTube. So you can hear us and see me. And I sometimes I do really some bad jokes. So, yeah, expect that.

SPEAKER_01: 29:05

Well, I love them. I'm a massive fan of the show. So definitely tune in. All right, we're wrapping today. Um, thank you so much for listening in, and I can't wait for next time.