Quieting the Noise: What I Learned in Nine Months Without Alcohol

In this deeply personal and transformative episode of Friday Feelings, host Jenelle Friday sits down with Jay Nathan, a respected tech leader and founder of Baloa Solutions, to explore a rarely discussed topic in the professional world: the emotional roots of alcohol dependency.

Jay vulnerably shares his story of giving up alcohol, not for a challenge or a cleanse, but to reclaim his peace, identity, and purpose. What started as a glass to take the edge off evolved into a daily crutch that masked anxiety, insecurity, and a deeper emotional disconnect. Together, Jay and Jenelle unpack how vices often stem from unmet emotional needs and what happens when we stop avoiding and start healing.

This episode is a raw look at what it means to step away from numbing and step into emotional intelligence, radical self-awareness, and sustainable life change.

Key Takeaways:

• Why dependency is often a symptom of deeper emotional wounds
• How business culture normalizes drinking and how to opt out without shame
• Jay’s tactical tools: therapy, consistency, habit stacking, and coaching
• The role of identity, faith, and community in long-term change

Resources:

• Connect with Jay on LinkedIn: 
• Jay’s Newsletter: chiefcustomerofficer.io

Resources Mentioned:

• Program: Celebrate Recovery: https://celebraterecovery.com/
• Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear: https://a.co/d/e3o7e2Q
• Book: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk: https://a.co/d/fYOZW4w

Trigger Warning: This episode includes sensitive content related to addiction and mental health.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Friday Feelings, where we turn emotions into power, vulnerability into strength, and remind you to feel everything, fear nothing, and transform your life. I'm your host, Janelle Friday. And today I have a very special guest with me to talk about a really personal and serious topic. Um I have Mr. Jay Nathan with me today. Jay, thank you so much for being willing to not just share your time, but to be open and transparent with me today.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Absolutely. Good to see you, Janelle.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Yeah, you as well. Um, so really what we're talking about today is the raw truth of what happens when you give up alcohol. Not for a weekend, not for a cleanse, but you did for whole nine months and the drastic impact that that decision has ultimately given you in a sense of personal power, of freedom, of peace, of all those things. Right. So um a little bit of background, Jay and I met because I have been a super fan of Jay, obviously customer success. Most of us know who you are. And I love the persona that you are of just being encouraging and um wanting the desire to help others. So I reached out in hopes that I could grab you and get to know you a little bit. And here we are, made a real connection, building a friendship. And, you know, you shared that this was maybe a moment for you to become a little bit more vulnerable and share maybe not a very well-known piece of you. And so for that, um, I am very grateful. And that's kind of how we got to where we are today. So, Jay, this is a moment for you to share a little bit about you with our audience and and really help us understand why this topic, why today?

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I I can't even remember how we got so deep so quickly, but I think for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

I don't do service level conversation very well.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, I don't either. And and I think um I think you and I really know why, right? It's sort of a God thing that uh these things don't happen by accident. But um, but yeah, excited to to share a little bit. I've not actually shared much publicly about um my story and the journey that I've been on over the past nine, almost 10 months, going on 10 months now. Um, and uh, you know, I've sort of a professional, um, I've been in the software world for for 20 plus years. Um and uh so Janelle and I have a lot in common. Um, but the thing that I I think the, you know, maybe the the one thing that surprised me most about this journey, and then we'll get into it later, is that um, you know, dependency of any kind is actually a symptom of a deeper issue, right? That needs to be dealt with. Um, and I I I heard a quote the other day that said the goal isn't to be sober, the goal is to love yourself so much that you don't have to drink or you don't have to do whatever the thing is that is hanging you up, right? And so I think that's what I'm starting to see. And by the way, like I'm still on this journey, so I'm excited to unpack it with you a little bit and uh and see what else we can uncover.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah, and I I think we're gonna have a lot of people that are gonna relate. I think alcohol, especially in the the business world, right? You say tech, especially we go to conferences, we have corporate meetings, you know, uh it's so it's a way to socialize. It it sort of is a normal thing. And I definitely I tend to not drink because I don't want to let my guard down in in that way. I want to be present and clear-minded. Um, and I've seen the effects, adverse effects of overindulging in a business professional setting and how that's detrimental. And so I think we're gonna have a lot of people that are gonna relate. And in this episode, I want to caveat is by no means judgment if alcohol is a part of your life. And I think Jay, you would agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

100%. It's it was it was a it was a meaningful part of my life for the past 25 years. I have I am in no position to judge anyone.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

So I'm just gonna tell you, you know, my experience and yeah, do that if you want to this is a safe and judge-free zone. Um, so let's just kind of dive in, Jay. So help us understand um the relationship with alcohol and ultimately what led you to making the decision that I'm gonna take this step to sobriety. How did we get there?

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Yeah. Um, so yeah, I guess really to understand my relationship with alcohol, I had to rewind almost 30 years now, back to when I was in high school, started college. Um, I went to college um in the late 90s. And um, you know, I think what what as I reflected on this, the thing about um alcohol for me in particular, and that was my drug of choice, my hang up, right? Um when I lacked confidence, I found myself to be more confident in social settings when I felt like I needed it the most. And so I routinely turned to alcohol. And I and it really started in earnest when I was in college. Um, my freshman year. I'll never, you know, it's very, very, very clear in my mind. Um, and so you know, it where maybe I I did not have the confidence to just go up and talk to somebody, and it wasn't like I was trying to meet girls or anything like that, just in general, like even my peers, guys, you know, um just uh having that little edge taken off, you know, I I found very early on that that was helpful to me, right? Um, and I think you know, through my career as I got out of college and I progressed into the professional world, um that that pattern never stopped, right? Because you're always meeting new people. You're always in, you mentioned being at conferences and um you know, hanging out with you know your peers and your colleagues. Like there's a lot of great memories that I have of being with those people and having a few, sometimes a few too many drinks with those people, um, and having the stories that go with it, right? And there's you know, there's um there's a lot to be said for that, the camaraderie uh of just you know having something in common with somebody, having a uh having had a tequila night or a a heavy drinking night with somebody. There was a lot to that for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Um I also feel like there's like these side glances. If you're like, yeah, no, I'm good, I'll just have water, and everyone around you is drinking, they're all like, what's wrong with you? You know, I've had that look before, I've had someone say that, and there's an inherent and deep desire, I think, in all of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be looked at as part of the collective. Um, and so I I definitely feel that pressure too.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Absolutely, absolutely. Um part of being human, right? If you're missing out, and um, but you know, as you get older, it's like, okay, well, it gets easier not to have to be the last person at the bar. But when you're younger, you're like, you all this energy and you don't want to be left out of anything, right? And so you just you just go along with it and you're you're part of it. So, you know, for me, um that that was how it all started. That's how I continued to progress. And and I think that story is common with a lot of people, right? You it some people have um some people have a great ability to have a drink or two and turn it off. That's great. Some people, you know, my particular thing is once I have one or two, I want one or two more, maybe several more after that, right? Um, so I decided that it was best for me not to do that uh anymore because then I wouldn't have that that risk of continuing to go down the path, you know, in that particular instance. Um you know, some people they just they go all in every day, right? And that's that's a different kind of thing, but it's just it's the same kind of pattern, right? Um, but you know, where I think it really began to take hold of me is um, you know, I had a there was a sermon at our church here in in Charleston where I live that uh one of our pastors gave, like or af after the pandemic, it started to wane. And he said, you know, during the pandemic, I don't know if I told you this when we first talked. I think it was okay, good. So during the pandemic, you know, everybody became one of four things. You either became a hunk, a monk, a chunk, or a drunk. Right. And mine was the last one. I became, you know, sort of that was my indulgence. Didn't indulge in working out, which I probably should have done. Um, but uh, but you know, those were those are tough years for all of us. And um, and I think if you had a hang-up, you probably leaned into it more um during the the pandemic years, and I know I certainly did. Um, and then you know, we can maybe get into this part next, but it's just at some point last year, 2024, not that long ago, yeah, I woke up and I I was like, okay, like this has gone too far. What am I doing? Right? Why why am I allowing this to be such a central part of my life to the extent where you know five o'clock rolls around and I'm ready to have a couple drinks every single day?

SPEAKER_01 9:20

So there wasn't like a you got in trouble, you said the wrong thing, you got in a car accident. There was no massive catalyst that led you to this decision.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

I wouldn't say there's a massive catalyst, so I can tell you that for several years I would wake up in the mornings and and um and sort of have this anxiety about my health, you know, first of all. Um, and then you know I will tell you this, like, and this comes with any any habit that I think you are are are too far down in the weeds of I was not um I was not the friend, the father, the husband that I could be. And so when I when I made the decision on June 26, 2024, to stop drinking, um, I downloaded an app called I Am Sober, which I would recommend to everybody. It's a very simple thing. Um and I'm gonna read to you what I what I put in there. I I I put two things in there. Why am I doing this? Is the question that it asks. And number one is I want to live up to my potential as a husband, a father, a friend, a colleague, and a leader. That was number one. And then number two was to reduce anxiety and maintain a clear mind. Because to do that first thing, you have to have a clear mind, you have to be confident in yourself. And yeah, what I realized was you know, I did I did wake up that morning, June 26th, 2024, just riddled with anxiety. And and you know, about what? Who who knows? Whatever was going on that day, or whatever I was or felt like I was or when it was not getting done, or um, you know, the distractions to my family and and and um my kids. And and I just decided that you know it that was enough. So it wasn't really like the burning bush moment, it wasn't a car accident, okay, a super you know, train wreck. Of course, like um, you know, little things along the way, I would say it added up to a situation where I was not happy with who I was anymore. And I don't think my family was happy with who I was anymore.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

So I think you kind of said this key word that I want to focus in on, which is you had to make this decision. You had to come to terms with the fact that alcohol was a symptom of a deeper issue, right? So in the last 10 months, Jay, talk us through the work that you've done to ultimately get to the place to say this is the root cause, this is the bigger underlying issue that I had to face.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Yeah. Um, well, yeah, it's it's not like a program that I've gone through, right? And I actually have joined a program to be part of because you know, part of this for me is how do I create sustainable, I mean, at this point in my life, like mid-40s, right? I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Like the things that I do in my life, I'm committed to doing all in, right? And and I don't want to go back and forth, I don't want to fluctuate, but I guess the the things the thing that I'm trying to focus on is consistency. And so everything I've I've I've put my efforts into in terms of unpacking this has been you know to get consistent. By the way, when you when you when you stop drinking every night, you can get up early in the morning, you can you know, you you have a little bit more control over your day the next day. Like it's just it's funny how that works, right? Um, but for me, I guess it's been um, I'm still on this journey. I mentioned that before, and so I'm still unpacking that to a large degree. Like, how did I get to that point? And by the way, like just because you get rid of one, you know, call it vice, call it habit, whatever you want to call it, like what you start to uncover is that if you don't address like maybe deeper anxieties or deeper hang-ups or um you know feelings of of insufficiency for whatever reason, it's just gonna be something else, Janelle. Yes, it's gonna be, you know, food, it's gonna be smoking, it's gonna be um, you know, cell phone, right? Whatever gives you dopamine. Yeah, whatever gives you dopamine, you could probably explain this much better than I can. You're gonna be looking for that hit, right? The thing to just take you away momentarily from the realities of the world that you're not able to cope with for whatever reason. So, you know, I'm still unpacking that. I've I've um you know, one of the things I decided to do that day when I woke up was make a make an appointment with a therapist. And I've been seeing a therapist, and that's just to have somebody who is like an objective third party whose job it is to make me talk about you know the uncomfortable, the unknown, the the deeper.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

I mean, and I I my I love the saying that like everyone should have a therapist because even if you don't think you have underlining issues or subconscious things, you do, period. I think every individual, um, I say the word trauma, I've had people like, well, I didn't have trauma in my childhood. And the more I ask questions in probe, they're like, Oh, yeah, I guess that was traumatic. We we all have those things. And so, you know, as I've listened to you talk now about how you started drinking and how that has evolved, right? That that need, that desperation to fit in, to seem normal, to break out of your shell a little bit, I think speaks to what most of us feel as insecurity, as imposter syndrome, as this desperate hole in our lives of I'm not enough. I need something else to magnify who I am. And for me, you know, my vice has been for most of my adult life food. And it wasn't until recently, I mean, I've tried weight loss programs, I've tried going hardcore, I've done um, you know, so many different methods, and I always fail. And so, you know, with my therapist, I'm like, what is my problem? I think that there's a mental block, but I don't even know what it is to start addressing what the block is, right? And so I found the block. I did the work to find the subconscious message that was keeping me from achieving success in that area of my life. And I think for this for you, I mean, I'm so curious by when you look at the last 10 months of your life, what are you seeing through the different lens that you have now? How has your choice impacted the way you think about yourself, the way you process and and um and interact with other people, the way you view your business and your professional life? I just I'm sure you have we could talk about this forever, but you know, the things that you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to know um in a positive way, how has this been affecting you?

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Well, um, first of all, it's it's letting me actually address the the feelings of inadequacy directly, right? Because I I was addressing them before, but it was in a very unhealthy way. Um and with a clear mind, I can now say, okay, I am having a thought or a feeling about something, and I and I'm not just drowning it, right? I'm actually letting it surface, maybe even talking to my wife about it, maybe talking to my counselor, my therapist about it. Um so I mean that that's been one one noticeable change, is it's so much more tuned to what's happening inside of my head. Um so you know, it's also I think allowed me to one of the things I struggle with, and by the way, like quitting quitting drinking hasn't made this struggle go away. But one of the things that I struggle with, and I think we all get in this pattern from time to time, is getting so wrapped up in what we're doing professionally, or maybe that's with your family, or maybe that's with your service, like what you do is service, like getting so wrapped up in that thing that it becomes your identity. And when your identity is something that is subject to the ups and downs of the world, which business is right, like I'm starting a new company right now, and let me guarantee you, like every day is a roller coaster, right? Every week at least is a roller coaster. Um, and and I have been guilty of letting my identity attach to this business from time to time, right? And that means when things aren't going so well, guess who feels down in the dumps, right? I do personally, yeah, like me. Um, so um that's probably the biggest change that I'm still trying to make, Janelle. I'm not there yet, I guarantee you, but I'm trying to separate my identity as Jay, human, you know, Christ follower, um dad, you know, husband, brother, son from Jay, who has interests and pursuits that you know, some of which you know earn earn money to feed the family, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Um so that that to me is a is is probably the biggest shift that I still need to work on, but I think I'm in a much better place to do that with a clear mind. Um, you know, one of the easier changes that I've seen, you know, that that I saw almost immediately was just physically. Like I I got in better shape. I had been working out before I stopped drinking, but guess what? That's like you know, it's like running with a parachute tied to your back. Right. You're working out every day and then you're you're you know having several drinks at night and indulging, you know, and and not paying attention to the other part of the of your physical, the like what is probably the more important part of your physical well-being is what you put in your body, right? Um, so you know that that's been that's been uh a great change. So something I've struggled with for a long time, and just trying to be more physically fit, and part of where my anxiety actually started is like I'm I think I'm actually hurting myself. I'm I'm doing this too much, right? And so uh that's gone, which is amazing. So just one less thing to worry about.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Yeah, so I mean, I'm just curious, do you have moments where you crave alcohol and in that moment you're like, why am I craving this? In that moment when you have maybe moments of temptation or that self-doubt or insecurity is popping up, what are you doing tactically? What are you saying to yourself? Do you have tools or methods that you've adopted that are helping you work through those moments?

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Um, so this is where I think I'm incredibly blessed. Okay. Like, I actually don't crave alcohol. I I do, I don't. Now, I'll tell you this. Uh my good friend who is is probably two or three hundred days ahead of me on this journey. One of the things she told me is what like watch out for the firsts. In the first year, there's all these firsts, right? The first time you go to a July 4th party, the first time you have a birthday, the first time you you know hit Christmas or Easter or New Year's, the first time um you go to a pool party, uh you name it, right? The first time you go to a work function or a conference and you're the only one not drinking, there's all these firsts that you have to just be ready to have a plan to deal with. Those are the moments when sometimes I'm like, Tohom, like boy, I used to be a lot more fun than I am. But the thing that I do there is I always think about what it felt like to wake up on June 26th when I had all that anxiety, when I knew where it was coming from. And that's really all it takes for me is like, okay, I don't I don't want to wake up that way tomorrow. So I'm not gonna do that today. It's like doing my future self a favor, investing in my future self. That I know that sounds so simplistic, but for me, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yeah. So I mean, obviously, my primary theme here is emotional intelligence. And so I I wanna kind of wrap that into what we're talking about. Which is this is a this is a um a self-awareness awakening, I want to say for you, right? Being aware of and asking those difficult questions is well, why did I start drinking in the first place? What did alcohol provide for me that I was missing? That I need to figure out how to provide that for myself, no matter what I'm feeling. Um, and I think it also addresses this idea that, like you said, all of us have crutches, all of us have vices. And when those vices come to light and they're destructive vices, how do you ultimately make the decision that I would rather remove this vice, even if it's uncomfortable, even if I have to go through detox, even if I have to cut things or people out of my life, that the life that I'm living in today is so uncomfortable and so miserable that I'm willing to step out into something new and unknown, which potentially could be fearful, um, and and start on that path. And so, you know, what I want to what I want to praise you for and say, I mean, I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I'm so proud of you for is having that moment, I think it would have been really easy to be like, you know what? It just, I just want to, I'd rather keep the status quo because that's just easier. And, you know, maybe I'll just cut back on how much I drink. You woke up and made a decision that said, I'm done with the status quo because it's not working. And in order to find what it is that's missing in my life, I'm removing what what potentially was a critical part of your everyday life, right? Totally. And here you are in the middle of the process, acknowledging that, hey, I'm I'm still in the process, I'm still learning, I'm still getting to understand not only myself and what and where the need to drink came from in the first place, but then once the drink is removed, what remains? And you know, I hope that you can identify within yourself that just your ability and your resolve to make a different choice for yourself is the true reflection of your character, Jay. And that is such an incredible thing to hold on to. And so, you know, now um self-awareness leads itself to other things to be truly self-aware and ask the question of who are you? So, Jay, if I'd asked you a year ago, well, who are you, right? You could say dad, husband, business leader, coach, you know, whatever those things might be. And I would tell you, well, those are labels because those are some your answer a year ago of then who are you? What do you think you would say in the midst of alcohol being a part of your life?

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Oh my gosh. I well, I think I would have said all those things that you said as a way to get out of that conversation as quickly as possible.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Deflect, deflect, deflect.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Yeah, I mean, that that is such a hard question to answer. Even today, it's it's hard, right? It's like, who are you? No, you are not a label, like that is just an a facet of your life, but who are you at your core? Like, I still don't I don't know how to define that still, Janelle.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

You know, I would say you're resilient, I would say you're very brave, you're courageous, um, you're inspiring. I think you're leading by example to give us an idea of it, doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter how deep the addiction might go, um, it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling with it, that you are capable of changing your life by resolving yourself to choose differently and following through with the commitment that you make to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Well, I really, really appreciate that. And I will come on your podcast anytime I need a lift. How about that?

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Anytime. You're welcome anytime. Um, so so let's let's get into practical, practical conversation. Uh Jay, we're gonna have people listening to this podcast that are gonna go, man, I I would really like to follow in Jay's footsteps, but I don't know where to start, right? I'm not someone that can just wake up one morning and decide that I need to remove the vice from my life, whether it's alcohol, whether it's smoking, whether it's food, it doesn't matter. Um, I wanna I want to offer you a time here to speak to that individual um and share maybe practical advice or some encouragement that you either didn't get that you would have loved to have, or you've gotten through the last 10 months that have helped you carry carry you to this place.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Yeah. Man, it's such a great question. And I hope I can even answer it. The you know, I heard something this week that has sort of stuck with me is is that um, you know, let me just start by saying this actually. A lot of times to make change in your life, it it cannot be initiated by someone else, it has to be your decision, or it's just like you know, we're we're in the business world, right? If you if you want to drive change within an organization, the first thing you do is you make other people figure out how to make it feel like it was their idea to change. Yeah, you know, but that's because that's the way we're wired as humans, and I think that's you know, I think we have a will on purpose, that's the way we were created, and that is special, you know. So, um, so but the thing I heard this week is you know, you can't really you can't really step in and intervene for anybody. You you can't rob somebody of their low, is actually how it was put to me. Oh, I like that, which is interesting, right? Because sometimes people need to get to a place where they they know that there is no to your the point you just made, the pain is so great that the status quo is no longer acceptable. Um, I hope people don't have to to get to that point that listen to your podcast that um that need to make a change. You know, I hope they don't have to get there, but it's okay if you do, right? Because you're still accepted. These are um these are human experiences that we're all going through. Um gosh, I hope I'm not losing the beat on the question either. But you're good, you're good.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

I got you.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Tactically speaking, I mean, for me, it was just about, you know, and and look, I am also gonna say I am blessed in that I was able to make this decision and do it. The hardest part about it was not the cravings, was not the like the withdrawal, which maybe there was a little bit of that for me. Like some people have addictions much, much deeper than mine, much deeper than mine. I would say mine is mostly an emotional addiction. Um, but to um, but for for me, the thing that worked is you have to there's a couple things. Number one is and I did not do a good job of this initially. I made the decision, I created a plan for myself, but I did not go find community immediately. And that is maybe one of the most important tactical steps that you can take, whether it's AA, whether it's celebrate recovery, which is a uh faith-based program for this. There are all kinds of addictions groups for gambling, for you know, deep drug addictions, um, for any kind of codependency, right? These groups exist for a reason, and they're more out there than you think. Um, I was I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who who is actually in the very early stages of this same decision. And we I looked up Celebrate Recovery, and guess what? There's one 13 minutes from his house, right? So there are more of these programs out there um than you probably realize if you if you have any codependency or or addiction that you want to turn from.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Let's I just want to hit on what were what the bigger issue that I think you're um very happily uh kind of calling to the surface, which is the emotion of shame. Um, one of the things I've really keyed into is that most, if not all, negative emotions have a core root identity of fear. That fear of judgment, fear of losing credibility, fear of um tainting our reputation, fear of rejection, fear of fill in the blank, keep us from doing things that we know are good for us. And so if you're listening to this podcast right now and you feel this the pull of conviction that it might be time for you to take a step towards sobriety, uh, to remove a vice in your life that's difficult and the overwhelming emotion you feel in this moment is shame. I I want to call out something very obvious, which is the lie that you're believing that leads you to feel shame is a lie. It is a lie. The truth is that all of us have vices, that all of us want to stand on our own two feet and be accepted and loved and in judgment-free relationships. And often the place that you're gonna find the least amount of judgment is with other individuals going through the same thing that you're going through. And so I want to come from a place of encouragement through this that as you have found community, Jay, and you're helping others find community, that it really is how we are meant to live as human beings in community with one another, lowering our own um hat of pride, taking that hat off and being willing to get down to the nitty-gritty and vulnerable to reach out to someone and say, Hey, I'm really struggling with this. And in these safe groups and these communities that you talk about, you're going to find another person that's going to relate and give you a safe place to let your guard down.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

100%. And you know, the one the one thing that I did early was I I knew there were a couple of people that were a few steps ahead of me on this journey, and I and I did open up to them. Um, you know, interestingly, like just like our first conversation, just like our first conversation when we spoke a couple weeks ago, you know, I opened up to you. I can't remember why. It just felt like the right thing to do. Um, there's been a few other people like that that I was that I've just been pretty honest about. Like, you know, here's a big change that I'm making in my life. And and it it was a way to get just just to be more vulnerable with someone. And and what I found when I did that, at least with you know, a couple of these people, is that they said, Oh yeah, you know, I did that 17 years ago, or I did that three years ago. And it's like, okay, you were never ever alone. Just because you, you know, you think in you know, whatever you're in the middle of, that you are unlike anybody else, you're worse than anybody else, there's so much shame. I guarantee you you're more common than you think, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

I hate to tell you, but you're more common than you think. You're not that special.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

You're special and you're special and you're special.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

We're all we're all we are, yes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Um, but yeah, so I really like what you added there. But community is so important. What and you know, find at least one person to tell that can maybe come back around and and ask you about that later, almost like an accountability thing, right? Because we all need that a loving accountability that just says, Hey, two months ago you told me about this change you're making. You still you still on that path, right? And do that for somebody else too. Yeah, if they tell you that, like you you sort of give them the loving accountability as well. Yeah, I love that. And then yeah, there's your programs, these programs I just can't recommend highly enough because they are the things that allow you to really dig deep into root cause and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

How are you managing the highs and lows of emotions now without alcohol?

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Um well, you know, I'm not I'm not automatically turning to that. I I think what I'm trying to do is just manage that through consistency and routine now. Um you know, when you're by the way, like one other very um practical advantage of not drinking or reducing your drinking significantly is sleep. Everything is better when you get a better night's sleep. It's the boat, the tide that floats all boats, as we said. Yeah, agree. And even half a glass of wine can interrupt your sleep patterns. That is scientific fact. Um, can I like explain that to you, though? Go listen to the uh what's his face on the the the um health guy on the the podcaster, I forget his name right now, but um, but it can interrupt your sleep. And so just just being having a a regular pattern of life with better sleep, um, better eating will allow you to respond to things in a much better way versus react. And don't get me wrong, I'm still human. I'm like I said, I'm still going through this. So so um but learning what triggers me has been really important, and then learning how to um sort of respond to those triggers instead of react to those things.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Um what does that look like? Are you is are there things that you tell yourself? Do you keep motivational things in front of you? What does that process look like?

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Man.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Um I never promised this was gonna be easy, Jay.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

No, no, it's not it's not that difficult. It's just that um I don't know. So okay, let me let me say it like this. I I think coaches in life are really important. Um and that could be anything. It could be professional coach, it could be a physical trainer, which I've had now for a year and a half. Um it could be uh uh in any facet of your life. If you're if you play an instrument, if you um you know, if you are certain kind of professional, whatever, like having people in your life whose job it is to get paid to teach you and advise you on certain aspects of your life is really important. A therapist, I would consider a therapist very much a coach. Yeah, but if you don't like the word therapy, then call it coaching. What we do with our kids, right? You're going to see a counselor or a coach, right? It's all good. So um having some of those kind of things set up in my life has been really important to me. I'm like a I'm a scoreboard guy. This is like the performance equals acceptance kind of thing in me, like the innate thing in me. So I don't know if it's a good thing because what I'm trying to do more and more is perform out of acceptance, not perform to be accepted, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Um, like just little things. Like I I couldn't live without my Apple Watch, right? Because I'm trying to hit my 10,000 steps every day, and I'm trying to burn this many calories every day and only take in this many calories every day. And I know that if I go off the rails and do, you know, go back to drinking or you know, other things, then I know I'm not going to be able to achieve that goal and that consistency that I'm striving for every day. So it's like the the things that I've incorporated into my day on a daily basis are the things that also keep me sane when things go off the rails.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

One of the things I like to say a lot is uh the smallest things often result in the greatest impact. And daily habits have to do with the chemistry of your brain and how your brain is programmed. Uh, one example I use is um most people know Jurassic Park and the scene with I think it was in the second or third one with the raptors in the really long field of grass, right? And you see the trails that the raptors take through the grass lines. And someone explained that, like, that's your brain. You have trails, chemical trails and and established pathways in your brain that have been forged over time. There's no more grass in your pathway. It is mud. Maybe you've worn down the mud and now it's just earth, rock beneath you. Um, it's conditioned. And so to come onto a new neural pathway, you re it requires consistency, like you talk about. Tiny little movements, tiny little decisions, tiny little actions that in the moment seem small. But when you take that tiny action over the course of a week, a month, 10 months, the impact is drastic because you're now taking control of how your brain functions, the chemical makeup of your brain and the way your brain processes emotions. It all of these have a direct correlation because your body, um, I just recorded another episode about how emotions are energy in your body. Right. And when you have negative emotions, those emotions of fear, of shame, of doubt, of insecurity, of anger, of all of these negative emotions and toxic emotions, when they don't go anywhere, when you don't do anything with them, your body digests them into a physical repercussion, into a physical consequence. So, you know, the fact that people are on antidepressant medication and ulcers are happening and headaches and not sleeping, and that's that's that is a direct result of a lot of times unmanaged negative emotions. And so, you know, for you to talk about better sleep and you're feeding your body with exercise and good food and all these things, while it might not seem like big drastic changes, I bet you that when you look back to where you were 10 months ago, there's a physical, very deeply felt change.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

100%, 100%. There's a book that I've I've I've always been remembered. I haven't read this book yet, but it's called The Body Keep Score. Do you know this book?

SPEAKER_01 41:08

I have it actually. I figured you did, yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Yeah, yeah. I've got to read this book, but what you were just saying reminded me of that. And then, you know, the other book that's been, I've read it a couple of times, and my daughter actually read it not too long ago. She's a teenager. Um, is Atomic Habits. And there's so many good little nuggets in that book about how to how to build that muscle tone. Look, anything you want to accomplish in life, whether it's you know, being clean and sober, whether it's writing a book, whether it's um, you know, running a business or being uh playing an instrument, whatever it is, takes consistency over long periods of time. And if you look at the most successful entrepreneurs, the most successful um you know people around you in how whatever you consider success to be, not just business, I guarantee you they have been doing the thing that you think so highly of them for for a very long time, right? Every single, probably every single day. Yeah, um, and so yeah, so that's another great book uh that I'm sure people that listen to your podcast would would probably already know of very well. But uh reread it, right? And like stack your habits. That's a good thing. Like everybody brushes their teeth in the morning, right? That's a that's a well-established neural pathway. What else do you need to stack on top of that? Maybe that's when you need to read your morning affirmation or you know, take a vitamin, whatever it is. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

Yeah. That term stack. I heard that just today in the other episode that I recorded was stack your your gratefulness, stack the things you're grateful for in, you know, and so that's a I might be stealing that term. Um, so we're gonna close here, uh Jay, before we do um, how can people connect with you? What are you working on? You know, give us a little bit of practical how do we find you, how do we connect?

SPEAKER_00 43:04

Yeah, sure. You can anybody can reach out. Um, I am really active on LinkedIn, have been for several years talking about you know things you do very frequently. Um, so you can find me there, Jay and Ethan, on LinkedIn. There's not too many of us. I am right now, um, I am launching a new company. It's called Balboa Solutions. We are a channel service provider for Pendo customers. And so what we do is we help Pendo customers. If you know what Pendo is, Pendo is a product analytics user adoption platform for uh software and commercial applications. And um and yeah, it's a professional services firm. So um that is what I'm doing right now. I'm I'm running a startup and and having a lot of fun doing it. Um but you know, it's har I I don't know if I would have been able to do it at the level that I think I'm I'm trying to do it here uh a year ago. Go right. So it was it was a good time for me to jump into this. But I've got a newsletter that I published, chiefcustomerofficer.io. You can find that there. Um, all kinds of stuff, all kinds of content out there. So would love to connect with anyone and uh feel free to hit me up on LinkedIn and and and we'll talk.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

I love that. Well, I wish you the best with the new company. And um, again, a very deep felt thank you for being vulnerable for being open and honest and willing to share and encourage others. Um, and man, kudos to you today. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Thank you. And thank you for your decision to lean into what you were passionate about in this podcast. It's really awesome, Janelle. And I'm glad we got the chance to meet.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Me too. I appreciate it. All right. Well, as we wrap up today's episode, as always, I'm gonna uh encourage you to be inspired to feel deeply. If those feelings are related to fear or shame, you gotta work through them to get to the other side, to live fearlessly, to not allow fear to keep you from moving forward, to keep you from the things of the life that you've always wanted, and to always stay authentic to yourself. Don't let anyone tell you uh that you're less than, that you're not capable, or that you don't deserve an amazing life of hope and joy and maybe sobriety. I'm gonna encourage you to keep leaning into all of those feelings because as I've said before, real transformation starts from within. So thanks for joining me today, and I'll see you next Friday.