Confidence Is a Skill—Not a Size: How to Build It at Any Weight

Building True Confidence: Myths and Realities for Lasting Self-Trust

In this episode of the 'Muscles and Mindset Revolution,' host Anne Jones—certified life coach and fitness professional—discusses the misconceptions surrounding confidence. Anne debunks the myths that confidence is tied to body size or an inherent trait, instead emphasizing that confidence is a skill built through consistent practices and positive self-talk. She introduces actionable strategies for developing self-trust and highlights the importance of aligning actions with goals. Anne also announces the upcoming 'Loving Discipline Challenge,' designed to help participants build sustainable habits and routines. Tune in as Anne unpacks why 'fake it till you make it' is less effective than 'acting as if' and learn how to make lasting mindset shifts for true personal growth.

00:00 Welcome to the Muscles and Mindset Revolution
00:39 The Confidence Myth: It's Not About Size or Personality
01:17 Introducing the Loving Discipline Challenge
01:46 A Personal Story on Confidence
03:10 Debunking Confidence Myths
07:27 Building Confidence: Act As If
10:29 Positive Self-Talk and Reframing
14:02 Conclusion and Challenge Details

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the muscles and mindset revolution. The podcast for busy, ambitious women who are tired of chasing quick fixes and are ready to finally achieve real lasting results. Strong bodies, sustainable habits, and longterm weight loss. I'm your host Anne Jones certified life coach and fitness professional for over 15 years here to help you break free from inconsistency, overwhelm, and burnout. Build strength, feel confident, AF, and lose weight without obsessing or stressing over weight loss. No BS. Just simple, sustainable strategies. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm Anne. I'm so excited that you're here today. Have you ever felt like confidence is reserved for certain people? You know, maybe those who are naturally outgoing or can fit into a specific body size or weight range? If so, this episode is a hundred percent for you. Today, we're diving into why confidence isn't about your size or your personality. It is a skill anyone can develop. So today I'm going to share why fake it till you make it is not the answer to build in confidence. How positive self-talk ties into sustainable self-care and why setting unrealistic lofty goals can actually hold you back. But first I'm thrilled to tell you that we were running our loving discipline challenge again, this year. And it is coming up soon. It's beginning on February 10th. This free challenge is designed to help you to create habits and routines that stick. Realistic sustainable ones. So we've got fun prizes, like a hundred dollars gift cards, beauty giveaways, and even a one-on-one breakthrough coaching session with me. So stay tuned for more details. At the end of the episode, you'll be able to add yourself to the waitlist. So the reason that I'm talking about confidence today is because of a recent experience I had. So last week I was in Las Vegas for a mastermind with other female health coaches in my field. And while packing, I made a reel, showing me trying on my cute outfits for the trip and the text over the reel said point of view, you're packing for a quick trip to Vegas, feeling confident AF, and not like you have to lose a quick five to 10 pounds. And someone on Facebook commented. Yeah. You're, you're confident because you're freaking beautiful. But what about those of us in bigger bodies? First of all, I want to say. Thank you to that person for their kindness. This is a valid and important conversation, So I want to kind of unpack this a little bit. So the reel actually wasn't about confidence being tied to beauty. It was about consistency and fitness and nutrition, creating freedom from body worries. Right. I wasn't thinking about my size or shape, I was focused on the trip... And that's the result of consistency over time of playing the long game of getting to a neutral Headspace about your body, that you're not picking yourself apart and worrying about it all the time. Like trying on clothes is pretty neutral, to be honest. And I actually love this. Because it really highlights a misconception, right. That shape or size equals confidence. And that is absolutely not the case. And so today we're going to bust some of those myths about confidence. Myth number one, confidence comes from being a certain size. So one of the most common beliefs is; hear this all the time. Yeah, I just need to lose 10 pounds or fit into this smaller size and then I'll feel confident like then I'll be okay. People even say to me like, then I'll be happier. And I totally understand this line of thinking. But. To be honest. I know this to be true. I know you're not gonna believe me, but I've been in this industry for a long time. confidence does not come from how your body looks. It comes from how you feel about yourself and how you show up for yourself daily. I totally got it. Society reinforces the idea that a smaller body equals more confidence, but as a coach, as a fitness professional, I've worked with women of all ages shapes and sizes. And I have seen it firsthand confidence doesn't automatically come with weight loss because I have had clients who have had transformations in their body. And if they haven't done the mindset work, then they still feel the same as when they were in a bigger body. I have also had clients have very subtle physical progress or, or even no physical progress. You know, in a short amount of time, but they work on their mindset to the point that it doesn't matter anymore. The skill is actually they learn to be confident in the body that they're in and then they still move forward. In fact, then it's easier to move forward on your fitness and health goals because it's coming from a place of acceptance and love versus fear and shame because fear and shame are very short term motivators. So, if you don't shift your mindset, hitting her goal will not make you feel confident. Like, if you do this, have you ever looked back at old photos of yourself? And thought, wow, I really wish I had appreciated myself back then. That is proof that the confidence is internal, not external because you, you know, Perhaps, you're looking back at those old photos when you didn't appreciate yourself and that body, you know, aesthetically you're like, that's amazing, but you didn't have that feeling of confidence in it. I remember. One of my clients a couple of years ago, we were having a body image conversation. And she said, she read recently that, some quote from Megan Fox about feeling insecure in her body. Like Megan Fox is insecure in her body. And she was like, I was shocked. And I was like, I'm not shocked at all. That makes perfect sense to me because. Megan Fox is like people are critiquing and criticizing and looking at her all the time. So it's so easy for her to fall into that comparison trap. And that's all a mindset game. Megan Fox aesthetically has a desirable body from a visual perspective to many, many people. And yet she's in that body feeling insecure because everyone's talking about it and everyone's critiquing and criticizing, and she's coming from a place of like, I have to look a certain way, which is just evidence that it is not about the aesthetic. It's all about the mind. Myth number two, confidence is something that you're born with. This is another myth is that confidence is a natural trait that some people just have. But the truth is that confidence is a skill. It is built through practice habits and intentional thought patterns. It is a state of mind. When I was in university, even, growing up in my career, I thought that I would feel confident, once I got fit enough or once I was making a certain amount of money, but what I learned and what I see with my clients is that confidence actually doesn't come from achieving the perfect body. It comes from building self-trust forgiving yourself for your mistakes and aligning your actions with your goals. I love Brene brown describes self-trust beautifully in Atlas of the heart. If you haven't read Atlas of the heart, that's right here on my bookshelf. I think it should be in schools, to be honest with you. It's literally. Education around what emotions are from a very, it's like a dictionary or encyclopedia for emotions. And confidence is actually not an emotion, but I would say that the one that is closest, the emotion that is closest to confidence is self-trust. So Brene brown describes self-trust beautifully in Atlas of the heart. She says, self-trust is the first casualty of failure or mistakes. We stop trusting ourselves when we hurt others, feel shame or question our worth." And that's why leaving behind all or nothing thinking and forgiving yourself quickly, are essential. And so I want to, now talk about building confidence. So the two sort of myths around confidence are the competence comes from being a certain size and confidence is something they're born with. So, We have eliminated those two things. But now, how do you build it? Right? How do you practice this skill? Well, I think some people would say, you know, fake it till you make it. And I don't hate that, but it doesn't quite land for me. And so I prefer the term"act as If." You've probably heard people say fake it till you make it right. So I prefer the the tweak of Act As If. This means that you are embodying the version of yourself, who you're working to become. Okay. So I always say you can love yourself and work on yourself at the same time. And I think it's easier and more fun that way. In fact, I know that it is. So. Aligning your current actions with the future version of you is acting as if and there are a few steps before this, right? You got to know what your goals are, and if you've ever had a conversation with me about goals, you know that if you come to me saying, I want to lose weight. Cool. Great. Why do you want that? Or like, why is that so important to you? Because you don't actually want to lose weight. You want to feel and think how you believe that you're going to feel and think when you lose weight. Right. Which is probably confident and sexy. Like that's what you want. If you lose weight on the way amazing. Like do those things, you know, often are they correlated? Sure. But you can feel confident, sexy, and happy without losing weight. But also you can feel confident, happy, and sexy and lose weight. Like that's great. we call this like your future paced heroin. So. You need to know your goals. And then see her. How does she feel? How does she act? And I will actually do this exercise with my clients. It's a future self visualization. There's a couple of ways that I do it, but. I walk them into a meditation, a visualization where you are imagining yourself, whatever, six or 12 months from now, five years from now. And I want you to see her. And how she feels. So these goals that you have in that time, Okay. Cool. You have the goal. What does that woman who has that goal say? look? feel? do? How does she show up for herself? How does she feel? What kind of thoughts is she having? How does she carry herself? Maybe? What is she wearing? Where is she? And then acting as if is stepping into and embodying that energy now. You can act as if you are already that woman, you can. The only reason you think you can't is because you have lies and thoughts in your head that are telling you. You're not allowed because of what you look like or whatever, that's all in your head, my friend. So acting as if is, knowing where you're going, seeing her. And then acting like that now, and we're titrating it, right? if you don't even like to be, in a photo, you're not just probably, it's not going to feel safe to just jump into the front. Although I would love that for you, but it's titrating with small actions. One of the ways that we can do that is positive self-talk and reframing. Confidence begins with how you speak to yourself. And if you've ever worked with me, You know, this I'm very specific and intentional with my language. I almost never use the word, but I never used the word cheap. I don't say that I'm cheap. I don't call things expensive. Because I don't want to get into that energy. I very rarely use the word hate. I don't hate anything... Because our language reflects our thoughts. So the things you're saying to me, I know you're probably thinking that more often and your thoughts inform your actions and your actions inform your result. I'm actually launching a course on this, on your language in the summer. It will be free for muscles and mindset clients. And then it will be, very affordable for people who just want to actually do the course. So that will be A seven week course. But. Let me tell you how to do it here. So confidence begins with how you speak to yourself. Negative. Self-talk like"I'll never look the way that I want," or"why even bother trying?": That reinforces the cycle of doubt that creates your result. So, as I said, Your thoughts? Inform your feelings, your feelings inform your actions and your actions create result. So if we reframe those thoughts into empowering ones, instead of"my legs will never look the way that I want," try,"my legs are getting stronger every day." Instead of"I'm so far from my goal, this is taking too long." Say I'm making progress every single day. It seems subtle, but it's huge in how you think, feel and show up for yourself. By constantly shifting this inner dialogue, you're actually training your brain to focus on growth and possibility, which is what you want. Focus on the end result. We can also have a brief conversation about affirmations here. I love affirmations, but I don't love like just reciting them or writing them over and over without meaning. I like my clients and myself to choose a few that speak to me the most and not just speak to me the most, but really feel relevant and achievable for me. I love this example from Kara Lowentheil. Who has the unfuck your brain podcast, which is one of my favourites. She uses the example of, if you've been telling yourself for years,"I'm disgusting, I have a disgusting stomach," it's not going to be possible for you to believe in the affirmation"I have a perfect body. Perfect stomach." You're just going to shut that down. In fact, it's going to create more resistance. But you can probably get on board with something like,"I have a human stomach." So it feels pretty neutral, right. But neutral feels a lot better than disgust and shame about your body. So we always want to choose something that's a little bit stretchy, but not gonna blow you out of the water and create a whole bunch of resistance. So thinking about identifying the thoughts that you're having now that are making you feel crappy and not confident, and then thinking about your future self. Who is she? How does she act? What does she think? What does she do? And then if the things that she's thinking don't feel achievable just yet, just find a middle ground, just find a middle ground. If you want to DM and workshop this, I love this like totally send me a message and be like, this is the thought that I'm constantly having about myself. How do I make it feel slightly better? Happy to do that. Because confidence is not about your size. It's not about your genetics actually, even it is about self-trust. It is about showing up for yourself. It is about shifting your mindset. You can build confidence, you deserve to feel confident, no matter what. So that's it. Thank you for joining me today. Don't forget to stay tuned. Go to the show notes, to get on the wait list for the loving discipline challenge. If you are A Muscles and mindset client, don't worry about it. Cause we're gonna be doing it all month long in February. So you will automatically get access to that, but if you are not a client, make sure you go on the wait list for this free challenge. It's going to be super fun. It's going to be amazing. And so until next time, please keep showing up for yourself. You've got this. You've got this! Have a good week!