How to Set Boundaries & Fully Unplug Without Anxiety

Embracing Rest:

The Importance of Unplugging and Self-Care for Ambitious Women

In this episode of the 'Muscles and Mindset Revolution' podcast, host Anne Jones discusses the transformative power of unplugging and self-care. Through her own experiences and practical advice, she sheds light on the importance of prioritizing personal time and rest amidst busy family and work life. Anne shares actionable steps for truly disconnecting, such as setting non-negotiables, communicating boundaries, and leaving work devices at home. Listeners will learn how to create a rest strategy that is both realistic and rejuvenating, and the significance of viewing rest as a critical part of success. Anne also introduces her new eight-week mindset coaching program, 'Flow,' which helps women balance work, family, and personal time effectively.

00:00 Birthday Wishes and Self-Worth Realization
00:39 Introduction to the Podcast
01:13 The Journey of Disconnecting
02:00 Maintaining Self-Identity as a Parent
03:11 Prioritizing Solo Time
05:49 The Importance of Unplugging
11:18 Setting Boundaries and Non-Negotiables
15:48 Leaving Work Devices Behind
17:07 Managing Phone Usage and Notifications
20:27 Cultivating a Relaxation Mantra
23:24 Recap and Actionable Steps
28:15 Final Thoughts and Get on the waitlist for Flow

• Get on the No-Obligation waitlist for Flow, my 8-Week Mindset Program
• How to Break Up With Your Phone Book
• Indistractable Book

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

really for my birthday, all I wanted was to go stay in a fancy hotel or go to the spa. I was like, I just want to go downtown, stay at a hotel, go to the spa by myself. Which I was comfortable doing with my family, but I was like, Oh, there's no point in doing that for just me. Like spending that money and time away from my family for just me. And I kind of lived with that thought for a bit.

Speaker 3: 0:17

And when I heard myself say that out loud, I was like, wait, why do I think I'm not worth that? Why do I believe it only counts if it benefits other people? That moment made me realize something big, so big that it changed how I approach rest, self care and unplugging from both life and work demands. And that is what we are talking about today.

Speaker: 0:39

Welcome to the muscles and mindset revolution podcast, the podcast for ambitious women who want to build strength, feel confident AF and lose fat for good without counting calories or BS. Quick fixes. I'm your host Anne Jones, certified life coach, personal trainer and mindset expert. After 15 years plus in the fitness industry, I know the real key to lasting change isn't just what you do.

1:04

It's how you think.

Speaker: 1:05

If you're ready to shift your mindset, build a lifestyle you love and feel confident AF you're in the right place. Let's dive in. Today's episode is inspired by my own journey of trying to disconnect. One of the things that I've been working on for several years is, well, since becoming a mom, really one of, honestly, my biggest concern for becoming a mom, becoming a parent, my biggest fear, I was not worried about labour and delivery. I wasn't worried about my body. I was like, I've got that. I was worried about losing myself because even before having a baby, I had spent, Probably 10 years, almost 10 years working, training, coaching, teaching fitness to women who were mostly moms And all I heard about was how hard it was, how terrible it was, how they didn't get any sleep. They don't have any money. They have any time for themselves. That's what I was afraid of. I was like, well, that sounds awful. I don't want that. So I very intentionally wanted to maintain my sense of self and one of the ways that I know that we do that is by spending time with ourselves and spending time alone and I'm lucky enough that this was modeled for me by my mom who, when I was baby and a toddler. My parents both had busy careers. My mom was a educational resource coordinator traveling all over the territory, sometimes all over the country and she would go do that and my dad would stay home with me even though he also was running an airline. So that kind of independence was modeled for me, which I'm so grateful for. Still as a parent was challenging. My husband and I went to Disneyland, when our daughter was almost one, cause I had wanted to go to Disneyland for my 30th birthday and then I was super pregnant waiting to have a baby. So we went the next year instead. 10 days when she was almost two, when she was two. Like I really prioritize those things. But I found it harder to do it for just me. And if you've been here for a while, you may have heard this story before, but after those two trips with my husband, I really prioritized our time together. After those two trips, I was thinking like, and I'll come to this too, I had, my life was so good, everything was good, I kind of like, I had all these things that I had desired. And really for my birthday, all I wanted was like, to go stay in a fancy hotel or go to the spa. And I think it was the year, it must've been 2019. Cause it was not 2020. It was not COVID yet. I think it was 2019. for my birthday, I was like, I just want to go downtown. I lived in Vancouver at this time. I was like, I just want to go downtown, stay at a hotel, go to the spa by myself. Which I was comfortable doing with my family, but I was like, Oh, there's no point in doing that for just me. Like spending that money and time away from my family for just me. And I kind of lived with that thought for a bit. And then it came back to me and I was like, Ooh, I heard myself saying it. Maybe I said it to my husband or something. And he was like you know, do whatever you want. But I was like, I heard myself saying it's not worth it for just me. That statement was what made me realize I don't want to speak that way about myself. I don't want to think that way about myself. I want to be just as worth it as like all of us are. Like both are of value to me but I don't want to be speaking to myself. Like I'm not worth doing it if it's just me. That's not the way I want to think of myself. So, I did it and then I basically made it a habit. Now I do it a couple times a year. It was challenging to prioritize myself to, go away. there's no problem leaving my husband. He's a competent adult man, but mom guilt can be sneaky, right? Any kind of guilt can be sneaky and I just choose to unsubscribe from it.

Speaker 4: 5:00

So I started making solo time non negotiable. It began with that first hotel night and now I do it a few times a year. And here's the thing. It still feels weird sometimes. And I have practiced and trained myself to follow through because I desire a life where I feel comfortable in investing in my own rest and joy. And I know firsthand that when I'm recharged and well rested, I show up better as a mom, a coach, a leader, and a wife.

Speaker: 5:32

It doesn't have to be a hotel stay, right? It can be like An hour at a yoga class or getting a pedicure, like whatever it is, we still have these feelings. So I want you to know that that's one part of it is like, I have created a habit because that's the lifestyle that I want where I am comfortable spending time alone. Okay. So that's the first part is believing in your value and worth enough to even get alone to do this kind of thing and unplug, which is what we are talking about today. So, because that's the other thing that can be sneaky, right? It's like okay, I'm going to go away and spend this night alone. Ooh, should I like do some work? Should I get some work in? That's sometimes what I want it to be and sometimes what I don't want it to be. So today's episode is inspired by actually my own journey of trying to disconnect. So, all of this to say literally my favorite thing is hotels and spas. That's what I love for us, what I work for. That's all I want to do. I don't want to buy clothes. I don't need a handbag. Nope, I just want to fly in a plane, stay in a hotel, eat food, drink wine, go to the spa. My whole life. I'll be happy. That's what I want. And I run a very busy company, so it can be really challenging to disconnect. I don't want to disconnect from my family. I want to text with my family and friends, but when I'm intentionally trying to rest and recharge and unplug. I want to disconnect. And so sometimes when I travel, I will take advantage of the plane time. I love working on the plane. You know, when I go for a work trip, it's a work trip and I'm working on the plane. I'm getting talking to clients. I'm creating content. I'm creating stuff for you guys. I'm writing podcast episodes. But when it's just for me, I want it to be just for me. And this coming weekend, it's just for me. So because my husband knows that this is all I want in life, that's what I got for Christmas was a weekend away. Okay. Because again, I don't want any stuff. I don't need any stuff. I don't need anything. I just want to go to hotels and spas. So my lovely husband knows this and he is like, You know, for Christmas or my birthday, that's what he'll give me and he'll book it. And it's so nice. I just have to leave and go do the thing. So, he gave this to me for Christmas. It's now the end of February. I'm cashing it in, so to speak, very intentionally. I kind of kept it in my back pocket. It's been a couple really busy weeks inside Muscles Mindset, which is amazing. It's so fun. We did our coaching giveaway, which is always a lot of fun. mindset coaching course. Flow is coming up in a month. We actually just this past week surpassed our highest number of one on one clients ever inside muscles and mindset. I have, you know, a wonderful team. It's busy. Okay. So it's beautiful and it's a challenging time to unplug. And after these really busy weeks, I was like, OK I'm cashing it in. I need it. Okay. So I was kind of finding myself and I teach this to my clients as well is When I feel myself getting anxious or I'm going to those habits. I found myself scrolling again, too You know staying up too late. I don't make that mean that I'm a bad person and I suck at discipline That's a sign to me. That's like, oh Okay, my stress bucket is full. I'm going to these old self protective behaviours these habits because I've been working non stop Even on weekends, to be honest with you, I'm usually pretty good about my boundaries on weekends, but I have been working the past few weekends. So I was like, I'm cashing it in. I'm going away this weekend. So I'm going away on Friday. Okay. And because it's supposed to be for me and I need to unplug, I do want to disconnect, I want to truly unplug and disconnect, and so I'm going to teach you how to do that today. Because rest isn't actually just a, it's not a luxury at all. It is a vital part of our productivity and creativity. And that's another tricky bit is when I am quiet and by myself, I'm so creative. Like I have ideas. I have ideas for courses and concepts and group calls for my clients and posts and podcast episodes. And so sometimes I'm like, I want to have my laptop so I can just like write this all out. And sometimes I want that, but this weekend I truly just need to unplug. So if I have a great idea, it's going to be going into a voice note. I am going to deal with it next week. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you hopefully some more relatable moments and also some action steps so that you can truly unplug if you want to do this too, when you want to do this too, because you got to do it, my friend. So if you are ready to reclaim your weekend or reclaim your weeknights and leave your computer behind, grab a coffee, settle in and let's get started. Okay. So the first part of this, we're going to call the work life tightrope. And we're not going to dive deep into this today cause it's a big topic. Balance, right? I don't say work life balance. I don't know that there is such a thing. I don't even believe in balance personally. I think that we're always shifting one way or the other. And if you're listening to this in the podcast, you can picture me, you know, picture me holding the scales, right? Tipping the scales. I think the scale tips one way and that's our sign to pull back the other way. So for me, for example, I've been going hard on the work stuff. I've been working my booty off, and really upholding my health. so those things are really tipping. And then now I'm like, Oh. That's a sign in my body that we got to pull up the rest a little bit, pull up the unplug. Actually, this happened just this past Friday evening. Last week was a very busy work week. I found myself Friday night, staring at my computer, replying to emails, well past my usual working hours. I think it was probably even after I put my daughter to bed, which I never do. And, I was kind of feeling like I had to stay. I was like, it's so busy, I gotta stay, I gotta keep doing this. And then, I was like, Ooh, this is a sign. This is a sign, right? So that's why I planned my getaway this weekend. The goal for me is to disconnect and recharge. And so I'm here today to share the blueprint that helped me to take that leap. Okay. So the first thing I want you to do is set your non negotiables. What are your personal policies? And like anything, you know, I'm going to say, start small, right? Even with boundaries, we have to start really small. So. Before you fully step away from the digital noise for your unplug, the first step is to know your non negotiables, right? Think of this as your pre retreat rituals, small actions that prepare your mind and your workspace, your business, your job for a break. So the first thing that I need you to do is know like what you need to do and what you don't need to do. I have lots of friends who work in corporate and travel a lot and go on vacations. For them to be successful, they need to know what's the plan. Are we still going to work out? Is this a vacation where we work out or is it fully body rest? Is this a vacation where I'm still taking calls, replying to emails? What's at me or am I fully offline? I always share with my team. There's a couple of different levels of time off, right? So we have a time off thread in our software where we're sharing who's off and then we'll share there, this is a fully offline week. Don't message me. I'm not going to be checking my email. Most of the time. It's like, I'm just not taking calls. Can you cover me in trainerize?""Can you cover me for a client check in? I'm still going to be replying to you. I'm still going to be replying to clients. I'm just not taking calls." Or sometimes it's like"I'm fully offline." So you need to know that first. Otherwise you're gonna be in this like back and forth. Like, ah, what am I doing? Am I replying to clients or not? Like, should my team message me and like, you know what I'm going to say to have trust. You have to establish that before time. So no, like the level of unplugging that you're doing. And then the first thing that I want you to do is tie up loose ends. So before you leave, identify any tasks that might otherwise tug at your attention while you're away. This could mean sending out a, you know, whatever emails finalizing, like doing an end of week check in or simply like organizing your workspace. Right. And the idea here is not to create more work. It is to create mental space by setting these tasks aside. You're telling yourself. I'm done now and I can relax and spoiler you're gonna relax whether you do this or not. It's this is just a little tip for you So for example for me, I've planned this already into my week, so I'm leaving on Friday morning I'm going to see my daughter Thing at a thing and then I'm catching a ferry. So I actually have to be locked and loaded on Thursday So my time block my work block on Thursday morning is just to schedule my social media posts for the weekend So I don't even have to be on social and do a meal plan for next week because normally I would do that on The weekend and I don't want to come home to no groceries So I'm going to schedule my social posts Actually, I'm probably first going to do the meal plan because if I don't do that, there is no plan. And if I don't order groceries, there's no food. If I don't do social posts, I can do them on the weekend. I would just rather not. So that's my Thursday morning is those things. and then I'm unplugging so I had to look at my week to do that I'm not just gonna run into Friday and be like, oops I have all this work to do and nothing has happened and we don't have any food on the weekend So that's tying up your loose ends. The second thing I want you to do is communicate your boundaries Let your colleagues and clients know that you are offline again What level of offline are you? A simple out of office message can work wonders, right? It not only sets expectations, but it also helps you avoid the creeping anxiety of missed opportunities or like, oh, I should be doing this work. So again, first of all, you need to know your non negotiables. How available are you? Are you available? Are you available at all? and Then you have to uphold them, right? So again letting your colleagues or clients or whatever know that you're going to be offline whatever level of offline Send an email responder. And i'm generally not on social on the weekend a lot. Anyways, sometimes I am And you also have to be okay. Just like leaving it like If a client messages me on the weekend, first of all, I usually don't know because I'm not working, so I don't check it. But like, if you text me or you message me on Instagram, I'm just going to leave it until Monday. Because, not because I'm a jerk, but because I want to empower you to learn. I'm modeling, right? And many of my clients have thanked me for doing this, for modeling this for them. That like, I don't need to respond to you on Sunday morning. I'm just going to see it and leave it till Monday. It's totally cool. It's going to be fine. We're all big girls, you know? So those are the two things that I, I was really three things is knowing your non negotiables, tying up loose ends and then communicating those boundaries and non negotiables. Okay, now let's talk about the big one, which I don't always do. And it is leaving the computer at home. So when I travel for work, when I go to a conference or whatever, obviously I have my laptop. I need it. I need it. Right? Or if I'm meeting up with my team. This weekend, it's not for work. It's for me. I do not need a computer. So, I'm leaving it at home. I know it sounds sacrilegious, right? And I'm not an iPad girly. Personally, I don't even actually understand the point of an iPad. Because I am not typing on an iPad. I don't want to watch, I mean watching a movie I guess is fine. But I'm just like phone or computer. Like, I'm not writing emails on my phone. I know. I don't, I don't type shit on my phone. It's too small. I don't want to. I don't do it. I do that on my computer. So, I'm not like an iPad girly. I'm leaving my computer at home. If you're truly committed to unplugging, this is a non negotiable as well as some other things that I'm going to share with you in a moment. But we'll start with the computer. Physically leaving your computer behind is a powerful statement to yourself and it removes the temptation. Cause this is what I used to do. It removes the temptation to just check in, just see what's up, right? It creates, and there's, then there's no possibility. It's just not possible. I can't do it. In my experience, the physical art of disconnecting has a profound psychological impact. Without that constant pull of notifications and emails, which we can also talk about in a moment, your brain gets the chance to recalibrate and enjoy the present moment. Now, on the note of notifications. I do not have notifications on my phone. Anyways, I get notifications for texts for my friends, my family. That's it. No other notifications. because I am not gonna be a slave to an email coming in. I don't even have Facebook on my phone. Sometimes I have to download it if I'm like doing a work thing, I'm doing a live or something. And Instagram I would love to remove, but I use it all the time and it deletes your stuff if you delete it. but there's no red dots and there's no notifications. And if you're not doing this already on the regular, which I would recommend. Definitely do it for your unplug. No notifications. I don't even have those apps, work apps, not on my phone. You might worry. I want you to identify what the worry is for you. Cause for me it used to be, I'm, I'm missing something. Somebody's gonna be mad at me for you. It might be like something urgent is going to come up. it can wait. I always say to my team, there are no fitness emergencies. There's no fitness emergencies. If you are unplugged, this is your time to recharge and sometimes that means putting your work on pause or not even your work, social media, like if this is, if your job is not taking over your phone, I'm sure social media or Facebook is delete that shit for the weekend. I mean, delete it permanently, in my opinion, if you are not a person like me who uses it for work, but for your weekend away, get rid of all the apps. There will be no apps on my phone except for like text.

Speaker 2: 18:27

Step number four is to actually limit your phone use, it's so real and we really need to be intentional about it. I'm going to recommend two books and resources for you that really helped me. One of them is the book; how to break up with your phone. And the other one is the book Indistractable by Nir Eyal. And I'll link them both in the show notes here. They were both really, really helpful for me for this purpose. But long before this in 2020, when my company really first started getting busy, I learned to turn off my notifications for work related apps and social media apps. I moved those apps off my home screen. So. You know, the first thing I see is not a ping of a social or work urgency. And I try to keep my home screen clean and boring with like the insight timer, calm, my calendar, and texts, and music, podcasts, those kind of things, right? Creating these very small physical and digital boundaries helps to reinforce the idea that this time is for you. That all of your time is for you. That it's yours. So that's one thing. And both of those books that I mentioned will really help. I love the book Indistractable by Nir Eyal. Because he uses, he has a system. He walks you through how to clean up those external triggers, which is like leaving the computer at home and cleaning up your phone, your apps, your notifications. But then he also addresses. The internal triggers, which is what I'm often working on with my clients, right? Which is the pull, the sense of urgency, like I talked about on the podcast last week, the feeling that you have to do X, Y, and Z, and you have to do it now. Those are internal triggers that we have to address by going in, into the body. And, Just like it's easier, anything is easier. Starting a fitness journey is easier with external accountability. It's easier to deal with the external triggers first and then the internal triggers. Those are the tough ones, right? Cause that's, we're making it mean something about us. So that's the next thing is limiting phone use. And my last takeaway is to cultivate a mantra or a mental cue for relaxation. So, for many of our clients who really still believe in their worth is wrapped up in productivity, it might be rest is productive. For me, I had to learn, what were mine? It's safe to do one thing at a time. That was really, really big for me. It's safe to be present. Because for many of us, our nervous system has a belief. That something bad will happen. If we slow down, if we aren't constantly available, logically we might know it's okay and it's actually good for us, but on the level of the body, it feels scary for some reason. So practicing a mantra that really fits for you. So for me, it's still often I will practice I'm safe to be present. It's safe for me to do one thing at a time. By repeating, these mantras, you will train, you'll rewire your brain to view rest as a critical part of your success. Whenever I feel that internal trigger, that twinge of distraction or guilt, I will first come back to what am I feeling in my body right now? And what do I want to think instead because that's going to dictate how I feel It's actually safe for me to take a break. It's safe for me to be present. It's safe for me to slow down It's safe for me to leave this till tomorrow That's essentially Me planning to do my best work later to take my best care of my clients my family whoever later So it also is helpful to have sort of an image in mind of your most relaxing visual, right? So for me, I will come back to, I had a moment on one of the first day of my honeymoon, I think it was. I had like a moment of tears. I was so grateful. I was like in Bali at the ocean, watching my husband on the rocks, just like crazy. I could like cry right now thinking about it. This like crazy ocean vista. And I was like, Oh my God, I am so lucky. And I will come back to that moment of. The warmth, and him, and the ocean, and that island, and like the sounds behind me. I will come back to that moment of peace, the sun warming my skin, gentle breeze on my hair, and that's like, I practice that feeling. Cause this is, that's the environment where you can More easily practice mindfulness, right? It's not so easy here in your office with all the pings and kids and your phone. So Whether you're going away for the weekend, you're going to the spa. You're just lying in bed journaling. You're reading a book You're simply trying to soak in a moment It's helpful to visualize that mental cue for relaxation whether it is with a visualization or It will settle your mind into a rhythm of both peace and productivity because you can have both at once. Okay, so let's recap the actionable steps that I gave you for unplugging and truly embracing your rest. Number one, tie up loose ends, finish any critical tasks, organize your workspace before you leave. That will require some planning. Number two, set clear boundaries. Once you've decided what your personal policies and non negotiables are, communicate your unavailability to colleagues, clients, and family. Number three, leave your computer and probably your iPad behind. Physically remove that external trigger, the temptation by leaving work devices at home. Number four, manage your phone usage. Turn off notifications, really at all. Delete work apps for your time of unplugging. And replace them with apps that promote relaxation. And lastly, adopt a restful mantra and or visualization. Use simple affirmations like rest is productive. It is safe for me to be present to shift your mindset. These steps are not just theoretical ideas. These are real practices that you can do most of them in 60 seconds that have transformed not just my weekends and my rest time, but my life to be quite honest from a time of guilt into peace. I want my daily life. I don't want to have to go to a spa resort to unplug. I do it because I like it and it's fun and it feels good. But I really try to put that into action. So that visualization of how I felt in Bali, how I feel at the spa, the sounds that I hear, the things that I'm thinking, the smells that I smell. I try to romanticize my daily life and have those. As frequently as possible, right? I got my little clarity spray here. I got my cards, I got my Inner Calm drink. I really try to put into action how I want to feel all the time. Not just, in a weekend away. Okay, before we wrap up, I want to leave you with a little exercise. This is designed to help you commit to your digital detox, your unplugging, and truly enjoy your weekend. Okay, so here it is. Number one, I want you to do a pre retreat reflection. Take ten minutes today to jot down any lingering tasks or thoughts about work and identify the ones that can wait or be done by someone else. This is a great practice for daily life too, by the way. Number two, I want you to set up your environment, decide a specific spot at your retreat, your unplugging, your hour away, your hour in the park where no digital devices are allowed. Make it a sanctuary for you to connect with you for your mindfulness. Number three, I want you to create a personal mantra like we talked about, a simple phrase that resonates with you that you can have ready. It's safe for me to relax. Rest renews. Rest is productive. This time is for me. And I want you to remember too, I often have clients who will practice these things and then their, More anxious brain will come in and be like, you're not doing it perfectly. You're not resting perfectly. And then I want you to say to yourself, Oh, that's okay. I see, I hear you. I see you. And that's okay. I'm new at this, right? I'm learning to fully feel safe, relaxing. And then whatever your mantra is, your visualization, I want you to repeat it whenever you feel that internal urge to check in at home, at work. At the end of your experience, whether it's an hour getting a pedicure, a walk in the park or a whole weekend away or a whole vacation, just spend five or 10 minutes journaling about your experience. How did it feel to truly unplug? What did you notice about your state of mind? I challenge you to try this this weekend, do a mini retreat this weekend, even for an hour or two, commit to it and see how it transforms not just your downtime, but your entire approach to work life balance or to life life balance. Unplugging is not just about escaping responsibilities. It is about recharging so that you can show up as your best self when you thrive, the community around you thrives by creating clear boundaries and embracing the freedom to disconnect. You're not just honoring your wellbeing. You're also setting a powerful example for those around you. So I want you to remember it's okay to take a break. It's safe to take a break. In fact, it's essential. This world is moving fast, and the demands of your work can feel relentless if you don't take a break. You deserve moments of calm, reflection, rest. for me, I'm going to do it this weekend. I'm going to practice what I preach. When you do it, if you can, leave your computer at home. Even leave your phone at home. Silence the work notifications. Immerse yourself in the present moment. Thank you for joining me today for this episode of the muscles and mindset revolution podcast. I really hope today's episode inspires you to create your own disconnection and unplugging strategy that is both realistic and rejuvenating.

Speaker 5: 28:23

If you know that you need more of this in your life, more boundaries, more ease, more presence, then you need to be in flow. Flow is my new eight week mindset coaching program designed to help you implement these exact strategies so that you can finally stop feeling torn between work, family, and personal time. Use the link in the show notes to get on the waitlist for Flow to be the first to know when it drops, to get an exclusive coaching bonus, and to receive a discount. And good news, if you're in Muscles Mindset, Flow is free for you.

Speaker 2: 28:56

if you found value in this discussion, please share this episode with a friend who might need a gentle reminder to rest until next time, take care of yourself, honour your boundaries. And remember, rest is not only deserved, it is essential. Love you. Mean

29:12

it!