The Power of Honest Yeses & Nos: How Boundaries Build Trust, Ease, and Connection

In this raw, unscripted episode of The Muscles & Mindset Revolution Podcast, we explore the life-changing impact of being honest with your yeses and nos.

I share personal stories—from soul-sister friendships to coaching conversations—that reveal how direct communication and clear boundaries create deep trust in your relationships. Whether it’s your partner, your team, your parents, or your best friend, knowing when to say “no” (without guilt) and “yes” (with full alignment) is one of the most powerful self-leadership skills you can build.

You’ll learn how to:

• Use honesty as a trust-building tool (not a conflict starter)
• Let go of emotional gymnastics and people-pleasing
• Recognize how saying “yes” when you mean “no” dilutes your identity
• Navigate the discomfort when others don’t like your boundaries
• Prioritize ease, peace, and real connection—without losing yourself

If you’ve ever felt like a “puddle of yes,” this episode is your reminder that protecting your peace is never selfish—it’s sacred.

⏱ Episode Breakdown:

00:00 – Welcome to The Muscles & Mindset Revolution

00:34 – Why this episode is unscripted (and inspired by my best friends)

01:01 – What it means to be authentically direct

01:53 – How trust is built through honest communication

05:17 – Why saying “no” isn’t rude—it’s responsible

09:02 – Real-life examples of ease through clear boundaries

14:49 – When people don’t like your “no”—and why it’s still worth it

16:42 – Final thoughts + how to connect with Anne

🔗 Connect with Anne:

Instagram: @annejonesfit

Coaching & resources: www.annejonescoaching.com

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Connect With Me:

• Instagram: [@annejonesfit]

• Website: [https://www.annejonescoaching.ca/]

• YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@annejones]

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the Muscles and Mindset Revolution Podcast. The podcast for ambitious women who want to build strength, feel confident, af, and lose fat for good, without counting calories or bs quick fixes. I'm your host, Anne Jones, certified life coach, personal trainer, and mindset expert. After 15 plus years in the fitness industry, I know the real key to lasting change isn't what you do, it's how you think. If you're ready to shift your mindset, build a lifestyle you love and feel confident, af, you're in the right place. Let's dive in. Hey you guys, what is up? We are doing things a little differently today. I'm doing a completely unscripted podcast episode, and this was inspired by my best friends who I just had the pleasure of spending the whole last week with. And this was a suggestion from them. We were having this conversation last night, and then my girlfriend and I were talking about. My podcast, which she listens to this morning, and she suggested that I do an episode on this topic. So let me begin by saying I'm known to be blunt, right? I'm known to be direct. One of my clients, calls me her no BS Fitness Hype girl." shout out to Jennica. And it is true, right? I've always authentically been direct, and I had to learn to finesse this a little bit, right? To be, sometimes more compassionate, empathetic, and kind. I am a very empathetic person, but I've always been direct, authentically. I am a direct person. I like to be direct. I don't want to guess what you're thinking. I will say in the past 25 years, I didn't always do this authentically, right? So I've always been a direct person, but. There were a lot of years where I cared what people were thinking. I wondered what people were thinking about me. I didn't know how to be direct, like I would say until probably my coaching days. I finally started to learn how to do this both for myself and with others, and that's something that we're gonna talk about today. I am not a certified relationship coach, but let's be real. I've become one through almost 20 years of coaching, listening, and holding space for hundreds of patients, clients, and women in every kind of relationship scenario. My degree, my training is in journalism. Okay. I was a journalist. I have professional skills in interviewing, then I became a personal trainer, which is basically like being a hairdresser. People tell you all the things. And then I became a registered massage therapist, which people tell you even more, all the things. So, and then I became a coach, which truly coaching is not only a relationship, but you become an expert in relationships. And I did a lot of this training when I did my life coaching certification through the fit Life method. So I have gained a lot of expertise in this area. And in my most successful relationships, both personally, professionally, and anecdotally in what I see with my clients, it would actually, I don't know if it would shock you, but I talk about relationships, like romantic relationships a lot with my coaching clients. It is a hot topic. My life coaching clients, yes, but also my fitness coaching clients. And it's super relevant because the people in our lives are our biggest supporters or our biggest distractors when it comes to change, change is confronting. And when we are changing and there are people around us who didn't necessarily choose it, it is confronting for them. And there can be conflict. So obviously there's a lot that we could talk about here about relationships in general, but the concept that I'm coming back to you today and the reason that I'm telling you that I'm a historically direct to no BS person. Is because I, as I mentioned, I just came off this week with my two best friends, my soul sisters. Okay. So we met 20 years ago in journalism school and university. And we're just tight. Like we are just tight. None of us ever had a sister. My one girlfriend, we lived in the same room for two years together, like we've been each other's bridesmaids and all the things. And so we just spent this past week together after not the three of us had, I don't know how time flies you guys, but the three of us hadn't been in the same room, same place together for nine years since my wedding. Wild. And if you have a relationship like this, you'll know that what you can step back into it. It instantly, you can step back into it in like, no, no change. And I mean, we talk all the time, and you can step right back into it. And what we were talking about last night, we had just come home from being out all day. We're talking about our plans and somebody mentioned, it feels so nice to feel easy around people. Like for it to feel easy because not only can you only be yourself, and I recognize that's a huge gift, but you can be honest. And I remember, and of course I'm gifted enough to have this relationship with these two women, but I have this with other best friends as well. Yes, who I've known for a long time. But I also have this relationship with my partner, my team, my mom and friends that I have this relationship, this honest, open, no BS relationship with friends I've only had for a few years. So I just want you to know that yes, I have it in a special situation, but it is accessible in pretty much any other situation. So the first time I really remember this being brought to my attention was another very good friend of mine. Many years ago, I remember her saying something like, it surprises me when you do something that you don't want to do. I had obviously told her that I had agreed to do something that I didn't like or wasn't, didn't want to do, but she said because it's so rare, and she was right, because unless it is for the greater good or for someone I love, or to help to truly help out within my capacity, I generally don't. And that comment helped me realize that saying no is not rude, it is honest, and that honesty builds trust. since my mid twenties, my early twenties, I was definitely saying yes to all sorts of things, just to be liked and to be cool. Like for sure, for sure. I've come a long way, but authentically, I'm very comfortable with a hell yes. And to no thank you. Like that is not for me. And after this friend said this to me many years ago, I reflected on it and then I really started to understand this when I started coaching. Is that the ability to say no is actually a trust building exercise. So let me tell you what I mean. If you build trust with someone, if you have trust with someone, you can say no to them and they will know you mean it. You can say yes to them. And they will know you mean it and vice versa. So for example, if I have trust with someone, I'm just gonna assume this all the time, by the way, because I don't, again, I don't have time to guess what people are thinking. So you say no to me. I'm gonna assume that you mean no. You say yes to me. I'm gonna assume that you mean yes. If you then have regrets or thoughts about it, that's a you thing. That's you having regrets and thoughts about your decision. That's not on me. And vice versa, if I commit to something. I mean it, I mean it. And I'm gonna deal with the consequences as an adult person taking accountability. So on a friendship level, for example, you know, somebody asks me to go to, this actually happens quite frequently. I have friends with different tastes. Somebody asks me to go to a concert, somebody asked me to go to a movie. If I say yes, and then I ha I don't wanna go to this movie. And then I have to get a sitter so I can go to this movie that I don't wanna go to. And again, of course there are always instances, in which case I would totally do this if there's a friend who like has no one to go, like, really whatever. Like sometimes you're always gonna do it. It's when it's the norm for you, right? Let's use this in an example. If that friend, we then go to this movie and I'm acting tired, or she knew I didn't wanna go and I said yes. She's feeling weird about it. I'm feeling salty about it. Next time she's either gonna ask me and have the same expectation that I'll say yes, but not really wanna be there, or she won't ask me because she won't be able to trust my yes. When we are honest with our yeses in our nos, people trust you more. We can build trust. If somebody asks me to do something to get something for them in the city, cool. I am gonna be like, yep. If it's like downtown, I can totally do it. If it's like in Burnaby, I, I'm not gonna have time for that. Sorry. Because I need to be honest because otherwise I'm not gonna have the capacity. It's not gonna get done. Something else is going to get dropped. That was probably a priority because of it. Like when we are honest about, our yeses are in our nos. It builds confidence in ourselves. The other person respects that or should respect that, and then it is a trust building exercise. So let me give you some other examples of even just like this past week with my girlfriends. We're like sharing a hotel. Okay. So I'm like, I'll get the hotel, I got the hotel room. I mean that, I'm not saying I will get the hotel room. And then I'm like, Ooh, I hope like, no, I'm saying that because I literally mean it. Like I will get it. And then they're like, cool. Like, we'll get food, we'll get the ferry, we'll get whatever. Great. Everyone's on the same page. Nobody's being weird or wondering what someone else is thinking. Nobody's like, I'm gonna pay for this. But then really hope that somebody else volunteers like that is so much emotional and mental gymnastics. I can't. Even handle, or like, this is the only way I can travel with people too. It's like friend is like, I'm getting hungry. Okay. We're gonna need to prioritize eating. I'm getting tired. We're gonna need to prioritize this. This is the plan. And if two of us are done with it, we're going home, this is the plan. You have to have this kind of communication. I also have this kind of relationship and communication with my mom. We do the same thing. Like I share this example a lot. We moved here when my daughter was a toddler and my parents were so excited and you know, they wanted to see her all the time. And we had a conversation where I was like, this is gonna be amazing, and we have to agree to be honest with each other about capacity. So I will always ask if you can babysit, if I can trust. That you will only say yes when you mean it, and you will say no when you can't. And it has always worked in the past four years because I trust them to say no if they don't want to, they need a break. It's too much. I don't have the feel bads for asking because I know that I'll get a no when a no is warranted. I'll know that. I'll get a guess when it's possible and vice versa. So that's another example. But I also do this with my mom when I travel, like we need to be on the same page. I do this with my team. This is so important to me with my team, and I tell team members this from the get go. I have to be able to trust your yes and trust your, no, it's okay to, you know, if shit happens, we can. I want you to tell me if you're not gonna be able to do it, you just need to be able to tell me. I don't want to you to pretend that you can do it and then not do it. I don't want you to pretend that you have the capacity to take on a project and then take it on and be able not be able to complete it. So I am an overcommunicator if I even get a vibe. Like that someone is, not that anyone would not be honest, but like friend, family or otherwise, I'm gonna be like, I'm getting this vibe about this. Like, is this thing happening and just call it out because I do not have the desire or time to wonder. There was many years in my life where I was overly concerned about what other people thought of me, and I have thus learned that I am now more concerned about what I think about other people. Always believing in the best of others, of course, but when we are not being honest and we're not receiving honesty, that's a lot of wasted energy and time on overthinking. And then usually the result is people pleasing or over delivery, or over serving, or over caretaking. Okay. And of course, you know, we have a right to privacy. You don't need to know everything. I'm thinking, I don't need to know everything that you're thinking. It depends on the relationship. But if you truly do wanna have intimacy, so in the kind of relationships that I'm talking about, like with my friends and with my husband and my parents and my team. Honesty is required. Also, when you're completely honest, you don't have to ever worry or wonder or remember about how you presented something to someone. You know what you said you liked and you don't like, and you are also entitled to change your mind. You're allowed to change your mind about you used to like this thing and now you don't like doing that anymore. You're allowed to change your mind, and if you want honesty and intimacy in relationship, like it's so easy. If you have not heard me say this before or my client say this before. Yeah, I'm a little bit hedonistic and I'm all about ease. My clients are constantly reflecting back to me that they simply didn't know that it could feel this easy. Fitness, weight loss, relationships, their job, their career, their business, parenting. It gets to feel easy. You deserve to feel good. This is not about being a selfish, a-hole, but some selfishness is required because nobody is in. The self that you are in, no one else can decide what your capacity is or what you like or you don't like. And when you're allowing other people to dictate it, not only do you not know who you are, but nobody else knows who the F you are. If you're always saying yes, even when it is not aligned, you don't just lose time, you lose yourself. You become a diluted version of who you are. A big puddle of yes. Now, here's the part that's not always easy. Sometimes people don't like it when you stop saying yes to everything. They don't like to hear the truth. It is inconvenient for them, for you to set this boundary. Sometimes people will push back, become uncomfortable, try to guilt you into being who or the way that you used to be, or even be upset with you and honestly. That is part of the work, and it's not yours saying no or saying yes, or setting the boundary or upholding the boundary. That is your work, their reaction, not your responsibility. We're gonna do another episode on boundaries because boundaries don't always make other people happy, but they make you honest and authentic and protected. They build real trust and they help you show up fully for the people and the priorities that truly matter to you. So I think all of this to say. That one of my greatest lessons was being honest, particularly with the people. I love, knowing what I like, what I dislike, who I am, what I desire, and really taking the time. One of the most important reasons to be selfish, let's say if selfish is the word, is because when we are not, when we are outside of ourselves. We don't have a barometer for where we're at, and that is when we end up overcommitting and then taking on things and then disappointing people because we haven't had the selfishness or quite honestly, the self-awareness to check our own capacity. So we do all these things and agree to all these things fear of not disappointing others, but usually the result is disappointing others, or quite honestly worse, disappointing ourselves. We should be way more afraid of disappointing ourselves, of letting ourselves down because it was avoidable. It was avoidable, and so no shame. Let's use it as a lesson going forward. But I think what I really wanted to share today was the power that I felt and that my friends felt and that we shared and that I have, I just take for granted, quite honestly, the ease and power in being honest with my yeses in my nos and the intimacy and trust that that builds. And of course, it's a practice. Like I definitely had to practice doing this, like with my husband. I had to, I've had to practice doing this with everyone. And when you get there, it feels so good. It feels so easy. It eliminates overthinking. And you really create more space for the people, the things, the priorities that matter to you because you've gotten really clear on it, you've communicated it with everyone, and there are no feel bads or weirdness. So I mean, in a nutshell, that's really all I've got for you today, but I do think it's a very important topic. So that's a wrap for today's episode of the Muscles and Mindset Revolution podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you can get notified of the next episode if the episodes are not just popping up automatically in your app, you will keep forgetting about the show even if you really love it. So please, go ahead, hit that subscribe button. Make it super easy for yourself. And of course, if you wanna see more episodes like this one, let me know by leaving your review I know it's super annoying to do so, but it just takes a few seconds. It means the world to me and it also ensures that I can continue to keep doing this for you to provide free education and value and if you're looking for more free resources or you wanna just connect, chat, hang out, come find me on Instagram I'm at@annejonesfit over there. That is where I hang out the most in the line of social media. My friends, that's all I have for you. I so appreciate you being here. I would love to hear how this landed for you, or if you already practiced this, or if this was a breakthrough at all. I would love to see you prioritizing your own self and your growth, which you're already doing by being here. I love you and I will see you next time.