[Sunday Spill] Why High-Achieving Women Abandon Themselves Under Pressure

A little Sunday Spill for you.

In this bonus episode, I’m sharing some behind-the-scenes life updates from the last couple of weeks, finishing The Morning Show, getting sick during and after travel, getting back to working out, going to yoga, laughing at YouTube trolls, and thinking out loud about what I’m building inside Back to You.

But underneath all of that is the real conversation:

What do you do when life knocks you off your rhythm?

Because most high-achieving women do not need more information. They already know what to do. The problem is that when life gets stressful, urgent, or messy, they override themselves.

In this episode, I’m talking about self-abandonment, nervous system patterns, criticism, consistency, and the real skill of learning to return to yourself faster.

If you’ve ever thought, “I know what to do, so why can’t I just do it?”, this one is for you.

Free Self-Trust Experience

My team and I just finished creating a free 3-email experience to help you start noticing the exact moment you abandon yourself.

https://link.annejonescoaching.ca/self-trust-email-series

Feeling capable, but still falling off when life gets loud?

This podcast is for the woman who knows what to do, but keeps disconnecting from herself under pressure.

Around here, we talk about staying with yourself when motivation fades, building real capacity instead of pushing harder, and creating a life that feels steady, regulated, and yours, even in chaotic seasons.

No hustle. No performative discipline. No starting over every Monday.

Start here:

• Free Guide: The High-Achiever's Guide to Losing Fat Without Obsessing Over Food or Workouts: [https://www.annejonescoaching.ca/free-guide-your-body-your-way]

• Deeper support + essays: Join my Substack: [https://annejonesfit.substack.com/]

Work with me:

• Website: [https://www.annejonescoaching.ca/]

Connect With Me:

• Instagram: [@annejonesfit]

• YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@annejones]

Love This Episode? Share & Review!

If you found this episode helpful, take a screenshot and share it on your Instagram stories, tagging [@annejonesfit] so I can say thanks! Don’t forget to leave a review on your favourite podcast platform—it helps more women discover the show and start their transformation!

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Transcript

Speaker 0:00

All right, friend. Welcome. This is a little Sunday spill bonus episode because the last couple of weeks have been a lot and I didn't get a regular episode out on Monday because I was traveling and then we all got really thick and honestly, I just didn't have it in me, which is actually kind of the point of this episode because a lot of the work that I'm teaching right now, what I'm working on with my one-on-one clients and what I'm building in my upcoming course back to you is about what you do in the moments where life knocks you off your rhythm. Not the normal or ideal days, but the real ones. So I thought I'd just walk really quickly through the last couple of weeks, what they've actually looked like behind the scenes. First, completely trivial, but I finally finished watching the morning show. I started watching the morning show when we got Apple tv, and I was really into it. Like the first season was so good and then I kind of fell off and then I just stopped watching TV altogether, Matt and. Stopped drinking and started gonna bed really early and I just stopped watching tv. but then we had these long flights to Florida and I picked it back up again, and then I got super into it and I just finished it last night. So I finished the morning show last night, which if you've watched it, you know is one of those shows where every episode makes you go, wow. Like humans are super messy, but it's in a real enough way that it's not completely ridiculous and unrealistic. I mean, it's unrealistic, but it's like believable seeing these people's thoughts. Oh, there's so much ego. There's so much power, fear, so much fear, ambition, people trying to control outcomes, but in a believable way mostly gets a little crazy at the end, but it's honestly such a good reminder that. Even the most powerful successful people are just humans with nervous systems reacting to fears and pressure. And that is something I think a lot about with the women who I work with. We think that we're the only one who thinks like this, who act like this, who's having these fears and problems. And one of the greatest gifts from coaching and working with women is. I have the pleasure, the gift of working with highly successful women who are, TV personalities and university professors and entrepreneurs and teachers, working in the film industry, working on King Street in Toronto, and, really respected in their communities and really successful at home and at work. and we're all thinking the same things, like we're all struggling with the same things, which has just normalized it for me. So this is something I think a lot about about the women I work with. High achieving women are incredibly capable. That is not up for dispute. But capability does not mean that you simply don't get overwhelmed. It doesn't mean that you don't. Get reactive. It doesn't mean that you don't abandon yourself sometimes. It essentially doesn't mean you're perfect just because you are capable and successful. But the difference is not that regulated people never get triggered. It's that they know how to notice it faster and then come back to themselves faster. That is the skill. So. The morning show kind of demonstrated that for me. another small update. I finally got back to working out yesterday for the first time in literally two weeks. I worked out two Fridays ago, was on vacation. Super sick. Finally yesterday, so nothing dramatic. Just like my usual strength workout. It actually felt really good. And then today I went to yoga, like my Saturday morning yoga. And I just wanna say something about that because I think this is where a lot of people screw themselves over is when you fall out of rhythm. My clients, my fitness clients used tell me all this all the time, right? Oh, I'm having such a hard time getting back on track after being sick. I'm having such a hard time getting back on track after vacation. It is like they fall out of rhythm and your brain wants to make a big dramatic comeback story. Okay, Monday I'm back on track. And then if that doesn't work out and they're not well yet or whatever, then it becomes a thing. Okay, new program, I'm gonna do five workouts. But honestly, the real skill is just returning. It's like I literally put no pressure on it. I trust myself, I'm gonna. Hit that workout when my body's ready, when I'm ready, I trust myself to do it. It becomes not a big deal. It's not punishing myself. When it should just be a thing that you do anyways working out, not a punishment or an overcompensation. Just coming back one workout, one yoga class. This is actually the entire philosophy behind what I taught in muscles and mindset for years and then what I'm teaching now outside of the fitness context in back to You, which is coming at the end of the month. Because consistency isn't about never falling off. It is about how you return. Okay. Now I wanna talk about something funny because I'm essentially just having coffee with you, telling you about my life. a previous person to me, but I'm like, who cares? But, but the response always that you love this, you love having coffee with me, you love hearing about my life. But it's funny because people who are not in my audience, I don't read the comments on my YouTube because they're usually just creeps or trolls. And I had this one particular guy show up. It's like he watched all my videos of in the past month and then commented on all of them. And about like, who cares? Like, who cares about your life? I shouldn't have trusted this long video. You talk about your life for 24 minutes and then you, there's one minute of advice and it's like, why? Like, why do you keep watching them? I just don't respond. But I just think it's hilarious because it's like, well then, then don't watch it. And like, my people are, that's what they wanna hear. So if you don't wanna hear it, take it somewhere else, you know? But. It is just fascinating to watch nervous system react.'cause even when you've done a ton of mindset and nervous system work, your body still has a moment of, wait, shit, am I exposed? That's how it feels to me. Like when I get a negative comment, I'm like, am I? It feels like exposure. Like this guy's, like nobody cares about what you have to say. And then you read it again and your brain is like, oh, this person clearly has no idea what you're talking about. And then you have a laugh about it. but I just laugh because if you're creating anything me meaningful on the internet, people are gonna project their stuff onto you. Always, always, always, always. And the real question is, do you abandon yourself the second someone disagrees with you or do you stay with yourself? That is the work, because definitely when I first got into business and online. I was so easily swayed by other people's thoughts about things. Like I, I had this story about like, I'm new at this. Like I don't know what I'm doing, although I had been already been a fitness professional for years. So, if somebody didn't like something, I would immediately make it mean that there was something wrong with the thing or how I did the thing. And this isn't to say that I stopped taking feedback. I always want feedback, and it doesn't always mean that I'm gonna do anything with it. You know, I believe in being open-minded and receiving what people have to say, and I always want to hear about your experience. And at a certain point you begin to trust that this is what I've created and this is the way that I wanna be. And I so appreciate your feedback. And if it's not for you, like that's okay. It doesn't have to be for everybody. I don't have to be for everybody. This is the work, right? Because I honestly think a lot of women online are terrified of criticism and understandably so. It is a jungle out there. And so they're not afraid of criticism because they're weaklings, but because they've spent their whole lives up until this point, being rewarded for essentially being agreeable, being a good girl. So the first times someone pushes back nervous system goes, abort, abort mission. But this is actually part of becoming the woman you want to be. And I see this in coaching my clients of all ages. Whether it is receiving others' feedback and opinions about what you want to do with your life or going through a career pivot in your fifties and receiving, you know, your partner's feedback about it. rather than aborting someone has a different opinion is part of becoming the woman who you want to be. It's becoming so. Unshakably confident in who you are, what you want, and what you desire. And we can't do that unless we actively spend time getting quiet with ourselves and doing it. And most of us don't. Like we're not taught this, right. We're not taught how to be able to tolerate someone else not liking you or what you have created. It's a skill. So speaking of what we've created, I wanted to talk for a moment about. Back to you, which is my new live course that is coming out in the spring. And a lot of you have been asking what it actually is. And actually just in yoga this morning, I had what I think was a genius idea for it and for continuing on that I have my best ideas in yoga. But the honest answer about, about back to you, what I'm creating is it, I'm building it. I'm building it very intentionally. It is like my greatest hits. So to speak. For seven years I ran a very structured fitness program and business and muscles and mindset. It helped literally hundreds of women rebuild their relationship with food, exercise, and themselves, increase their strength, lose body fat. But over time I realized the deepest work, the biggest wins weren't actually about workouts and nutrition. Workouts and nutrition are just tools. But the, the biggest results in the deepest work was about this moment, the moment where a woman knows what she needs, but overrides herself because of her stress, because of someone else's reaction, because she feels urgency, which I talked about last week. And so back to you, is about interrupting that pattern and learning how to stay with yourself. Because honestly, that's the answer to all of it. Whether your desire is to lose weight or make more money or have a amazing relationship, and this is the work that I have been learning for the past several years. And honestly, I wish I had learned it before because I spent years thinking the problem was me and or my discipline. Mostly probably just that there was something wrong with me when really the, the problem was self abandonment under pressure, which is similar to what I just spoke about, about YouTube, right? Abandoning what I wanna say and what I wanna do because of someone else's opinion or pressure. And I see it all the time in women. Another thing I really wanted to normalize for you is that my life right now is not a perfectly optimized productivity machine. It never is, but honestly, it feels really, really good. Some weeks are great. Some weeks I'm so sick. Oh my god. I was, we were so sick, you guys. I, I experienced a sickness like that in years. If ever some weeks I'm traveling. I love to travel and get out in way sometimes weeks. I'm just a homeschool mom figuring out what we're doing on the weekend. Like right now, like right now, I'm considering taking Sophie to see Hopper this afternoon. If I haven't already, by the time you hear this, I would love to hear if you guys have seen it, and honestly that might be the highlight of the weekend, or it might be walking to the beach or going to my yoga class. And I think that that's just another lie that women get sold online is like your life should always look like some aesthetic productivity montage, but the truth is your life is just made of these small moments. You know, yoga on a Sunday, watching a show with your partner, taking your kid to a movie, playing Lego, like reading a book. These are the moments that your nervous system actually remembers as joy and safety. And we can, we can set goals and move towards them, but it's not always about like big goal setting and big dramatic numbers. these are the moments that your nervous system remembers is safety. Here's something else that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Something that's been on my mind a lot lately is, especially as I'm creating a, a very intentional course, right? Women, I know this to be true, working in fitness and nutrition, most women do not need more information. You guys are, you know how to collect information. All the information is out there. If that was it, everyone would have whatever it is that you want because all the information is literally there. problem. Women don't need more information. They need more capacity. You already know what you should eat. You already know that you should strength train. You know that sleep is important, but when life gets intense, you override those things. Not because you were lazy, but because your nervous system has learned that urgency and doing and probably doing for others is safer than slowing down. So you push through, you override, you abandon yourself, and you think the problem is discipline or it's you. There's just something wrong with you. And that is really the cycle that I'm trying to break in this next iteration of my work and something that I've been experimenting with personally is just noticing when my body feels that sense of urgency, which after this much practice of working on my nervous system, it almost never does anymore to be honest with you. But when I do feel that sense of urgency, do move, not fixing it, just noticing it because urgency lives in the body. Not just the brain in the body. It's that tight feeling in your chest. It's that fidget in your fingers. The feeling like you need to check and answer the email right now. The urgency that lives in your body is like to make the decision right now to get back to them right now. And most of the time you don't have to. It's not actually an emergency. Most things are not emergencies, but our nervous systems have been trained to treat them like they are. And so if you are listening to this right now and you feel like you're in a messy season, I just want you to know something. Messy seasons are normal. They're seasons falling out of rhythm, normal. The skill you're building is not perfection. It's returning to yourself faster over and over and over again, and it will get easier. That's it. One workout, one breath. Putting your phone down hand on the doorknob. One moment where you choose not to override yourself. That is the work. All right. That's it. That's my Sunday spill. Very unpolished, very real life. if you are curious about my upcoming course back to you, I will be sharing more about it soon. And if you want a really simple place to start, we just finished my team and I creating a free three email experience about self-trust. That I will give to you at the link in the show notes. It is short, it is practical, and it'll help you start noticing the exact moment where you abandon yourself, because once you see that moment, you can start to change it. Alright, enjoy your Sunday, enjoy your week, and I'll talk to you soon.