Stop Apologizing: The Powerful Phrase Swap That Changes Everything

Are you constantly apologizing for not replying fast enough? In this episode, Michelle Vande Hey dives deep into how our rushed, capitalist-driven culture conditions us to prioritize others over ourselves — and how this subtle habit of over-apologizing reinforces oppressive dynamics.

Discover why saying "I'm sorry for the delay" may be doing more harm than you realize and how a simple phrase swap can empower you and others. Learn how to embrace a mindset that fosters peace, freedom, and joy while breaking free from the hustle culture.

What You'll Learn:

• Why over-apologizing reinforces oppressive power dynamics
• How hustle culture keeps us in a constant state of stress
• A simple phrase swap to replace "I'm sorry" and reclaim your time
• How to prioritize yourself while maintaining compassionate communication

Links & Resources:

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Transcript

  📍 If you can stop saying I'm sorry to this one thing that you're saying you're sorry for almost every single day, it's going to be one of those things that really helps you to shift everything.  This has been so ingrained in us with our capitalistic society that we don't even realize that we're doing it and the harm that it can be causing not only yourself but even the people you're apologizing to.

Words are so important and they matter and when we can adjust this one phrase and kind of flip it we also start shifting our mindsets and that's how we become anti oppressive in the process. And stick around to the end because I know some of you are going to be

   📍  📍  After a lifetime of prioritizing everyone else's needs over your own, do you feel like you don't know who you are anymore?  You may be moving into this next phase in your life.  Going through major life transitions with different family dynamics, your career, or maybe partner relationships are changing, and you're saying to yourself, Who am I?

Who am I now? You are not alone.  It is time to prioritize yourself and and power your mission. It's time to love your life on purpose.  I'm Michelle VandeHei, certified holistic life coach and compassion fatigue specialist to mission driven leaders and people all around the world. Let's explore who you are and discover who you want to become because you are worth it.    📍 

Stop apologizing for not getting back to people right away.  Are you guilty of saying any of these things? Sorry, I didn't text you back sooner. Sorry, it took me so long to reply to your email. I get these things all the time. And, you know, it surprises me sometimes when people send me a text saying Oh my gosh, sorry, I forgot to text you back and they texted me back a few hours after I texted them and I'm thinking  How, how soon were you planning on texting me?

Like, it's totally fine that it took you a few hours to reply. Especially  it's during the day. You might be at work or even at night. You're with family.  We're so ingrained to think that we need to respond to people right away. It's so easy to, right? We have our phones. It's so easy to respond to people right away that when we don't, we feel like we're failing.

We feel like we're not being good enough  and giving enough of ourselves when we're taking quote unquote too long to get back to someone, too long to reply to an email. This needs to stop. And I know that you're saying, well, Michelle, what am I supposed to do? What if I actually feel bad and I wish I could have gotten back to them sooner?

I'm gonna share with you how I flip this for myself that helps me to feel better and can help you feel better at the end. So stick around to the end. Think about when you're apologizing for taking too long.  When you say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, That I didn't respond back to you faster. 

What are we telling that person? What message are we sending when we say, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you fast enough? We're not only saying that we expect ourselves to respond to people within the hour, or in less than 24 hours, we're also telling them we expect this, I expect this of you too. 

And this is how this becomes this societal norm that we should be responding back to people. Right away. Obviously, there are some situations where we do need to respond  relatively quickly. I'm not talking about those situations. I'm just talking about the run of the mill conversations, the run of the mill emails that don't require an immediate response.  📍 

When we are rushing, when we are hustling, that equals oppression. That equals this capitalist idea that we always need to be doing, that if we're not doing, then we're not good enough. And we want to break that down, because when you're not feeling good enough, you're not loving your life.  Whether you're saying it out loud to yourself, or you're feeling it internally, that's what these subtle messages are sending.

That's why words are so important, and rushing also creates more stress, and it can even affect power dynamics, because if I'm saying, I'm sorry, , I didn't text you back sooner. That means that, , you have power over me all of a sudden.  When we can stop apologizing for taking our time to respond to someone, that helps to actually balance our power dynamics, which is anti oppressive, which is also trauma sensitive, which is also compassionate, and really the way that I would love to see society go  to have this compassion culture.  And, , it's funny because I actually haven't heard this saying in a long time, but have you heard the saying, haste makes waste,  think about anytime you're rushing, let's say you need to get to work or you're trying to get your kids to school, or you're trying to actually get to a meeting or an event and you're running late.

Until you start rushing, and you're like, oh my gosh, I need to grab my water bottle. I need to grab a snack. I need to, you know, put a coat on. I need to do all these things, and you're rushing.  Are you more prone to drop things when you're rushing? Are you more prone to forget things when you're rushing?

Are you more prone to reacting to someone? Maybe you start yelling, maybe you get kind of short with people because you're rushing. You're in this mindset of , it's almost like a fight or flight type of your nervous system is, is on overdrive and you're trying to go so fast that you're not taking the time to actually make sure you can hold all the things you're holding to double check.

What do I need now? Don't get me wrong, I still forget things every once in a while, but I'm more often to forget things when I'm trying to rush, when I'm being hastY. And I'm definitely more reactive. Like, I think whenever I'm rushing, I'm so much more reactive with my daughter  and with really people in general.

And so if we want to be less reactive, which helps our relationships, if we want to be less forgetful, and we want to have this, feeling of peace and calm, then When we can take a moment and say, okay, I don't need to rush, what's the worst that can happen? Think about being late. What's going to happen if you're late?

 Let's say you are rushing because you don't want to be five minutes late.  So you rush and you get in your vehicle and you drive and you're speeding and you're going faster and let's just say you make up the five minutes and you get there on time. 

And then when you show up, is your heart racing? Are you like ready to be present? Are you still kind of flustered when you get there,  but you made it there on time. So that's great. Or what if you say, okay, I'm running five minutes late. What's the worst that can happen?  What is the worst that can happen?

Am I gonna get fired?  If the answer is no, then it's , okay, it's going to be okay. Think to yourself, what is the worst that can happen? And I bet if you take a moment to actually slow down and say, what's the worst that can happen? It's going to be okay. I'll get there when I get there.

Nothing detrimental is going to happen. Then you're going to have more peace and calm. And you probably will actually end up getting there not that much later.  And, a lot of times, Nothing really bad is actually going to happen. 

So we shifted a little bit from talking about  saying I'm sorry for not responding  quickly and kind of moved into this getting places late, but it's the same concept,  it's the same idea.  So when we can take time to not feel so rushed and stop apologizing, then that's going to help us to feel more peace.

And when we feel more peace and more calm, it's easier to feel more freedom, right? That we don't have this power dynamic of someone trying to control or the time trying to control us. And then when that's the case, we feel more joy and we feel more love and you can love your life on purpose.  So before we get to what you can say instead of I'm sorry,  I want to help you to shift out of this hustle mentality, this capitalistic culture.

And it can be hard when it's everywhere we look. It is everywhere. And that's one of the reasons why I created my community for mission driven, badass people just like yourself. It's a place where we are not in a rush, where we cheer each other on, and you have a place to feel supported, and a place to not be stuck in these societal norms.

So if you'd like to join us, Go to LoveYourLifeOnPurpose. com to join the Love Your Life On Purpose community. Myself and or one of my  team members are excited to welcome you there after you answer a couple questions and I can't wait to see you there.  So you might be saying to yourself,  I do sincerely feel bad.

My reply was actually late. What do I say instead of sorry? My go to is Thank you for your patience. It's thanking them instead of apologizing. First, why this matters is this is a positive statement instead of a negative statement. So just the energy around the statement is better. And then you're also, you're actually praising the person, you're thanking the person for their patience.

Even if on the other end they may have been like, oh my gosh, why hasn't this person responded?  That's going to help break down those walls and be like, you're right, I am patient. If someone sent me a message and said, thank you for your patience, it'd be like, oh my gosh, yeah. I'm, I'm pretty great. I'm a patient person.

Think about how someone might receive that.  of praising you and then also like when someone says they're sorry for not getting back to me I also think like oh my gosh Was I putting pressure on them to get back to me sooner and  I don't want them to feel pressure either  So when you can say thank you for your patience, it's not only a positive statement, but you're praising the person and showing that you value patience as well, and you value not being rushed. 

 You're also validating that they may have been waiting for you,  and that you also have other priorities. That the other person on the other side isn't your Number one priority all the time and that it's okay for us to have different priorities. It's okay for you to prioritize yourself It's okay for you to prioritize the people that you're with as opposed to the people on the other side of the phone  so validating both your and their priorities is one small and powerful way to tell yourself and others that prioritizing yourself is important.

And when we can start getting this message out there that prioritizing yourself and powering your mission can coexist,  that's how we create really big change around the world and that's how we create this peace, freedom, and joy for everyone.

And the other piece of that is that you Won't be upset when they prioritize themselves too, right? You're sending them the message that hey If you need to take care of something you can do that before you respond to me And how freeing is that for them to know that? This is one example of why words are so important and  this is one way that this one phrase swap from I'm sorry It took me so long to thank you for your patience, is one way to start shifting your own mindset and beliefs away from oppressive, self sacrificing beliefs into compassionate beliefs.

And that's what I want for each and every one of you.  If you're watching this on YouTube, you are welcome to subscribe, to my channel for more videos like this on loving your life on purpose. And if you're listening to it on the podcast, feel free to Follow the podcast. And as always, thank you for listening and always remember that you are worth it.