From Burnout to Harmony: The Lesson I Learned in the NICU

Have you ever questioned if you’re truly qualified to do the work you’re doing? In this episode, Michelle Vande Hey shares a deeply personal story about her time in the NICU with her son—and how that experience revealed the foundation of everything she teaches about burnout, harmony, and self-leadership today.

You’ll hear how intentional breaks, community support, and mindful structure helped her navigate an incredibly challenging time without burning out—and how those same tools can help you show up fully for your mission while honoring your own needs.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why “balance” isn’t the goal—and what to focus on instead
• How to lean on your community without guilt
• Simple ways to create harmony and prevent burnout
• The truth about what makes you qualified
  
  

The Thoughtful Three + 1 Bonus:

1. Schedule your breaks (even short ones count!)
2. Lean on your community—let others carry what they can
3. Focus on harmony, not balance 

Bonus: Be intentional with your time

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Transcript

  📍  Do you find yourself questioning if you're quote unquote good enough or qualified , for doing the work that you're doing? I know sometimes. I question if I'm good enough or like, who am I to be doing this work? So in today's episode, I'm going to share an epiphany I had recently about what makes me qualified for the work that I am doing, ,

and then. Stick around to the end because the lessons that I learned through this. I will leave you with the thought thoughtful three action steps plus one bonus action step for you to move forward to help you to create harmony and protect yourself from burnout.

After a lifetime of always prioritizing everyone else's needs over your own, do you feel like you don't know who you are anymore? You're moving into this next phase of life, and maybe you're saying to yourself, I'm lost, or Who am I? You might be feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and still wanting to make the world a better place.

But you don't know how to do it. You are not alone. It is time for you to prioritize yourself and power your mission. It's time to love your life on purpose. I'm Michelle Vande Hey, a conscious leadership and embodiment coach, speaker, author, and advocate helping. Change makers, caregivers and mission-driven leaders reclaim their energy, their voice and authentic power without sacrificing their wellbeing, creating more impact without burning out.

Let's explore who you are and rediscover who you want to become because you are worth it. 

A few weeks ago, I was messaging with a friend who has a baby in the nicu because I have a son that was in the NICU for about three weeks and we were having conversations. She was asking for advice, especially when it comes to, you know, lack of control, the unknowing and the   I feel like I wanna be there all the time, but yeah, I can't be there all the time and.

Just like with caring for herself, and as I was giving her advice and sharing about what I did, I realized in that moment, oh my gosh, this is part of what makes me so qualified for the work that I'm doing. Sometimes because I haven't experienced like corporate burnout, 

and I haven't necessarily directly been affected by compassion fatigue or vicarious trauma in a way that made me have to stop doing my work. I have, however, been affected  by PTSD, by anxiety and by depression, and all of those things can show up in very similar ways, and so I wanna share today, today a little bit about when my son was in the NICU and how I realized that  this happened back in 2018  years before I even considered becoming a coach.

And how the things I was doing back then are very similar to how I coach my clients right now to help prevent burnout or recover from it while still being able to power their mission forward. So when my son was in the nicu, I was there about 16 hours a day. , the nurses were on 12 hour shifts and they were usually there at 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM or 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM and I realized very quickly that I wanted to be there for the nurse. 

Shift change and the beautiful thing is the hospital that we were at, even though I personally feel like it wasn't necessarily the quote unquote nicest hospital,  especially because we are blessed to have a children's hospital.

Less than 30 minutes from our house, and this was two hours away.  But those nurses and the staff there really empowered me to be part of his care team. And a big part of that was that I was also two hours away from home.  The lessons that I learned and the what I will share with you is possible for most people in most situations, and it's adjusting it in a way that makes sense for you in your life.

And so. Like I was saying, I was there, so I was typically at the hospital. I would get there between six and 7:00 AM and then I would leave between nine and 10 o'clock at night. So I was there for 15 to 16 hours a day and anything else that I would've done in my life for 15 to 16 hours a day on a consistent basis without any break. 

I would definitely burn out from, and this was one thing that I didn't, and I'm gonna share a little bit of why. First I took, I made sure I took intentional breaks. I would get there first thing in the morning and be there for the shift change. I would also be there for rounds and then, and to feed my son and do all of those things.

And then after all of that stuff was done, I would take a breakfast break and this wasn't just like, oh, quick hurry, eat, and then come back as fast as possible. I took my time because one, I knew that he was being taken care of and I didn't need to be there for every single minute.  EV even during the day. 

And so I would go to the hospital cafeteria, would get some breakfast, and then I would grab a coffee and I would go outside for a walk. And that walk was so grounding for me. So helpful for me for so many reasons. First, it made me grateful to be able to move my body to have a coffee that I really enjoyed.

Secondly, it helped me to get myself out of the environment, out of the physical environment of what was happening like to me, and being able to take back some of that control and move into a different environment. I had more choice in what was going on around me. And also before I would even get there,  I would drive, and on my morning drive I would usually be driving while the sun was rising.

And , there's something about a sunrise that I absolutely love sunrises. There's something so magical and amazing about them. And so every morning I would just drive into that sunrise. Thank God for what I had to be thankful for. Like  not had to but like what I had and to be thankful for that  and that gratitude practice alone was very powerful as well.

'cause it helped me to focus on.  The good and not only focus on the bad or the stuff that was out of my control. So I took intentional breaks, the breakfast break with the walk and my coffee in the morning, and then I would take a lunch break and then some sort of dinner break as well.  And again, those breaks weren't just like a rush quick and then come back as soon as possible.

I was taking time for myself second.  I really leaned on community and support. Obviously the nurses and they're at the hospital. But again, I was two hours away from home and I was lucky enough, again, this comes from a, a place of having a lot of privilege that my husband would come to the hospital for a few days, go back home for a few days because we also had an older daughter, and so he was taking care of her.

He was working. My mother was taking care of my daughter. My mother-in-law was taking care of my daughter. Everything was being taken care of as best as possible without me. But that's because I fully leaned in on embracing, having my community support me in that way. And I'm lucky enough to have that.

And that is so important, is having that community. And sometimes we have to build it ourselves and sometimes it's already around us. And hopefully maybe there's a little bit, you have a little bit of both depending on what you're going through. And then I also created. , as much control as possible in a situation that felt a little bit chaotic and very much out of my control.

I made a point to have conversations with the nurses to be there in the morning before the night nurse left and be there at night before the night nurse came in, and then be a part of my son's care team. And

they wanted me to be a part of the care team, not only for empowering me for when he was able to come home, but to also say like that it was really important and that they cared about what I said, and that was just more than I could have ever imagined. Those nurses,  they still seven years later, hold such a close place in my heart.

They were the most amazing nurses I've ever worked with.  . So even though all of those hours and all that time there, I wasn't burned out and be because I was intentional with my energy and my time and my care for myself.

 One thing that I've learned. That none of us have to do this alone. When we allow our community to support us, it gives us space to show up fully. If you want a place to connect with other change makers who are le learning to prioritize themselves without guilt, you're welcome to join my Facebook group.

Love Your Life On Purpose is a supportive space to share, learn, and get encouraged from other people who get it. The link is in the show notes. And in the caption here,  so here's what really hit me, the strategies I used to take care of my son, which was prioritizing myself, leaning on my community, and creating harmony are the same ones that I now guide my clients to use.

And that's the difference between striving for balance and creating harmony.  Balance implies equality, that you have to have an equal time at work and equal time with life, and an equal time with your  partner and an equal time with your children, and an equal time with your friends and all of this.

Equal, equal, equal, and life rarely works out that way. Harmony, on the other hand, is about flow, and it's about knowing when to show up fully, when to step back, and how to care for yourself so you can show up for what matters most.

Okay, so let's wrap this up in a beautiful bow with my thoughtful three takeaways. These are some actionable ways that you can start creating harmony and protect  yourself from burnout. And then I have one bonus. One. So number one, schedule your breaks. Even short ones can help you to stay grounded and recharge.

I mentioned that. I wasn't rushing back to the NICU when I would take my breaks and I would take probably 30 minutes to an hour of a break. Let's say you only have five minutes. Take that five minutes and really be in the five minutes. Don't think about.  I need to get back as soon as possible. Think about, oh my gosh, I have five whole minutes to be with myself.

So schedule those breaks, even short ones are so important. Number two, lean on your community. Allow others to carry what they can so you can focus on what only you can do. Not trying to control everything. Let go of some of that control and lean on your community. And sometimes the community is about holding space for you and not necessarily doing things for you, and that's where , you're welcome to join my free Facebook group. 

Love Your Life On Purpose. Number three, focus on harmony and not balance. Show up where it matters most, but honor your energy and your limits. That you don't have to strive for balance, because balance feels like something we're constantly having to strive for, doesn't it? And doesn't it also feel like if I'm not in balance, then I'm failing, or  it's just something that I'm constantly working towards, but it, it almost feels impossible.

So why not let go of this idea of balance and allow us to focus on harmony? And with that, before we get to number four, the bonus tip, if you want a simple guide to make self-care and creating this harmony, something that you can do even on your busiest days.

I've created a self-care cheat sheet, which has 25 minute. Self-care habits that you can do. It's full of practical quick ways for you to protect your energy and stay in harmony so you can show up fully for your mission without burning out. You can grab your free copy in the link below. Number four, the bonus tip.

 Be intentional with your time. Burnout doesn't always have to be inevitable. When you create harmony, prioritize yourself intentionally and allow your community to support you. You can show up fully for what matters most.

For me, it was my son. For you, it might be your mission, your work, your family, but the principles are all the same. Take care of yourself and you'll be able to power what matters most in your life. If this message resonated with you, feel free to like this video. . It is free and anonymous to do subscribe for more videos about prioritizing yourself, about burnout and  creating long lasting sustainable impact.

 If this message made you think of someone, I encourage you to reach out to them and say, . I was listening to this and it made me think of you and I wanted to share it with you. That can be so powerful and impactful, and I truly believe that anytime we are thinking of someone, especially when we're listening to a message or reading an article, that it means that they are looking for that message.

So be the messenger that they are looking for because it might just be that one spark that they need. I. Sending you all light and love and always remember that you can prioritize yourself and power your mission because you are worth it.