Ep #1: From Anxious To Secure: My Story And Path To Coaching

Welcome to the debut episode of the Secure Love Club podcast! In this first episode, I share my personal journey from dealing with anxious attachment to becoming a confident and secure woman and dating and relationship coach. Drawing from real-life experiences and struggles, I recount my childhood in a blended family, the development of my anxious attachment style, and the transformative process of discovering attachment theory. Delve into the highs and lows of my past romantic relationships, and learn how I eventually found peace, independence, and secure love. I also discuss the birth of my coaching business and the joy of helping others navigate the challenges of relationships. Join me in this intimate and heartfelt conversation, and discover that secure relationships are within reach. Let's dive in!

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Transcript

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You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast with Mimi Watt, episode one. Hello and welcome to episode one of the Secure Love Club podcast. This is a very long awaited moment. I have been wanting to start this podcast for a good few years, but sometimes we're not ready until we're ready. And today is the motherfucking day. I couldn't be more excited to be connecting with you in this way. Whether you've just stumbled across me for the first time, or you've followed me for a while on socials, I am thrilled to have you here, and you could probably hear the big cheesy grin across my face. This really is an exciting moment. I want this podcast to be a safe space where you and I can chat about all the ins and outs of relationships, of navigating life whilst you're single, and really of becoming the best version of yourself. This is a never ending journey full of ups, full of downs, and I can't wait to share everything I know to share personal stories and to hopefully bring you more of what you want. So if you follow me on socials, you will know that all of this is my absolute bread and butter. This is what I talk about all day. every day, but now we get to do it in a longer format, in a more intimate setting, with me in your ears every week. And I'm fucking thrilled. So I'm currently coming to you from Melbourne, Australia, which is where I'm residing, originally from Sydney, but in Melbourne, spending time with my mum, who recently moved here. And in the last year, I've actually become somewhat of a digital nomad after having lived in Bali for six months and heading off to Europe at the end of April. So it's currently January 2025, leaving in a few months, kicking off in Italy with one of my best friends, and then to Greece solo. This will be my first time in Europe. And holy shit, I am so excited. On today's episode, I'm sharing my journey of going from anxious to secure, and how I became a dating and relationship coach. And I'm sharing this so that you can get to know me better, and trust that what I'm dishing out isn't just stuff I've read and regurgitated, but honest, real life experience. And my hope is that in sharing my story, you feel less alone in your struggles with anxious attachment and know that there is hope to heal and change your relationships for the better. All right, let's dive in. Let's take it back to the beginning and tell you about my childhood and upbringing. And don't worry, I won't ramble on here for too long because how interesting is someone else's childhood? But I think it's important to set the foundation of my story. I grew up in a blended family. So my parents divorced when I was three years old and I was one of four children. My mom and dad had four daughters, of which I am the baby. When I was five, my step mom and step sister moved in. And my step sister and I are the same age, so we were both five years old. Then, a couple of years later, my dad and my step mom wanted to have a baby, and they ended up having another girl. So, six girls, I have five sisters. Which is Amazing, dramatic, all the things as you can imagine. And this really was a very tumultuous time for everyone involved. You know, my dad navigating divorce and then having a new partner with a child of her own, raising his own four children, and then having another child, That's a hell of a lot to deal with. My stepmum obviously went from being the parent of one child to then six children, can you imagine? My mum going through her own journey and struggles with all of this. And all of us children trying to understand what the actual fuck is going on here. Why is there so much change in the world? Such a short amount of time. And I personally had a lot of separation anxiety in this stage of my life, especially at nighttime. I remember so viscerally when it would hit about midday to early afternoon, the anxiety that would come online in my body was so intense. So overpowering and strong because nighttime was the worst. And nighttime as a child is hard enough, right? Trying to learn how to go to sleep and to not be scared of the dark and to feel safe, but throw a divorce into the mix. And this. And you've got yourself a really tricky situation, especially for a very sensitive soul. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a deep feeler. And when my parents divorced, we stayed living with my dad, and then we would shuffle back and forth in between. My dad and my mom and every second weekend we would we would stay with my mom and this is one memory I will never forget. It was one Sunday Mom took me to the movies in the afternoon and we were sitting there and I literally couldn't concentrate on what the movie was about because my My little body was so consumed with anxiety, thinking about five o'clock when dad would come to pick us up and take us home. Because I knew that's when the bedtime routine would start and my nightmare would begin. And this time in my life was the worst. I remember my dad had to lie with me every night to fall asleep, and bless this man. He would be so tired from working full time, trying to support the family, and then at night I would need him to come in and lie with me to soothe me to fall asleep. And often he'd be there for hours, and a lot of nights when he'd be there, think I was asleep and he would get up to leave. I, you know, suddenly wake up and wouldn't let him leave and grab him. And he would just give in half the time and lie back down and just fall asleep in my bed. So nighttime was really difficult for me. And, you know, with so much going on in this new family dynamic, My emotional needs weren't always met. I often felt a real lack of emotional stability because sometimes my parents were really comforting and soothing and then other times I'd get yelled at for crying so much and for being difficult. I mean, I kind of get it, like raising, trying to raise six children, you know, it would be super hard and stressful. But because of that, this is where my anxious attachment style was born. And as the years went on, as I got a little bit older, I remember being told that I was too sensitive. Being told to go to my room and not bring others down because no one wants to be around someone who's sad and crying and too sensitive. And over time, I really internalized this idea that there was something wrong with me. You know, surely I must be the problem here, right? Because everyone seems to get mad and cross when I express myself. So it must be me. And I became hypersensitive to subtle changes and fluctuations in people's energy. and mood. I was very sensitive to those changes and what I ended up doing was, as obviously a self protection mechanism, I ended up morphing myself into whatever I thought they wanted me to be so that I could protect our connection and be loved. And that often looked like people pleasing, so doing anything to appease my parents, doing anything to make others happy and comfortable so that I wouldn't ruffle any feathers or rock the boat. But really what that meant was abandoning my emotional needs. If I was upset or feeling anxious, instead of just voicing that and asking for the support that I needed, I would internalize it and sort of suffer silently in order to keep everyone else happy. So, let me just take a sip of water here. What's important to say is I don't want to villainize my parents here. I know that they were doing the best they could at the time with what they knew. But, This was my experience and I want to be really open and honest about that. This is the dynamic that I learned and took into my adult relationships, which brings us to the second segment of this journey, which is romantic relationships, which began at 17 for me, other than a few, you know, things where you think someone is your boyfriend when you're like 13, 14, 15. But my first real relationship. was at 17 with a boy who I met at the sailing club of all places. And this was just your typical first love, absolutely obsessed with each other, do not want to be separated, pissing our parents off, sneaking around, taking the car to drive over to his house at nine o'clock at night on a Monday because we just had to see each other. And I don't remember this one being particularly bad or anxiety inducing. I think it was just that puppy love. But then, after that, as I got a little bit older, I do remember from then on, I was in a string of back to back relationships. And I never allowed myself to be single or alone because I tied my worth to having a partner and was so reliant on their validation and approval of me to be happy. I was constantly outsourcing my confidence self worth, ability to feel happy and fulfilled in my life. So it's really no wonder I couldn't allow myself to be alone. I, I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the knowledge or understanding of how to take care of myself from an emotional standpoint, because I don't believe I was really properly taught that when I was younger. a child, you know, between the ages of, I don't know, 18 months to five years old. And because from a young age, I was always looking to make sure, you know, am I doing the right thing? Am I being who others want me to be to protect the relationship? Because I was doing that, this is what I brought into adult relationships. And they were honestly really fucking difficult. They consumed me totally. And with each new person that I got into a relationship with, I just became obsessed with trying to control the outcome, trying to control the dynamic and always watching myself to make sure that I was being, you know, quote unquote, perfect. Whether that was the way I looked, my hair, my skin, my outfits. I was so hyper fixated on this because I thought I just have to be perfect and then I will be loved. And then I will be accepted. And I cannot let my true self slip out from behind the mask. Because if I do that, I'll be rejected, and then my boyfriend won't think I'm hot. He won't want to be with me. He won't love me. Alongside feeling like I always had to wear this mask, I felt that I was too much. And of course, this narrative came from my childhood of being told that I was too emotional, too needy. And so I was afraid to be vulnerable. Instead of telling my boyfriend at the time that I needed a bit of attention or reassurance, I would just play games to get his attention. And this is what we call protest behavior, where you're doing things Unknowingly, in a way, to emotionally, emotionally manipulate your partner to get their attention. So, you know, the classic toxic relationship where you sort of push your partner away in a protest manner in the hopes that they're going to turn around and chase you and want you to come back to them. Or telling them you're fine when you're not. I used to do this a lot, like when I was actually pissed off or really, you know, underneath the surface, I just wanted to be loved and have some reassurance I would act all cold on the surface and be like, I'm fine. I'm fine. And obviously acting extremely not fine, acting very cold. And I would do this in the hopes that they would just keep digging and digging and digging, come closer and closer, until they finally pulled it out of me and I got what I wanted, which was the emotional need of attention. I mean, you know, so all of these bids for connection, basically, that I was trying to get but couldn't. And again, I just didn't know any other way. And this is what I did as a child, right? When I was upset or anxious, I would cry and have these breakdowns. And then through that, I would get attention from my parents. So hopefully by now you're starting to see the connection here. Like how much your childhood relationships, the dynamic in your relationships with your family, your parents or caregivers is so informative of the dynamic you will recreate. as an adult, often subconsciously until you do this work to recognize what your patterns are and where they're coming from. So back to my adult relationships, I was always attracting people who were emotionally unavailable and avoidance. And of course, at the time, I didn't know this is what it was called. I just knew that every guy I was in a relationship with Made it so difficult. And the closer I tried to get, the more they would pull away. And it was always this up and down, emotional rollercoaster, hot and cold, wanting more than they can give. And because they weren't available and pulling away, it only made me want them more. Because again, In my childhood, if I wasn't, you know, when I couldn't get the emotional connection validation I wanted from my parents, it just made me work even harder to get it. So again, we're repeating that dynamic here. My relationships were constantly a triggering environment. So that was reaffirming the belief that relationships are really difficult, that I have to work very hard to earn my partner's love and approval, that I am too emotional, and that guys don't like vulnerability, or that vulnerability in general is not safe. And if you even dare speak up about your emotions or ask for a little bit more from your partner, you're too needy. And I curse that word. That word has such a bad rap and stigma associated with it. And if you've ever been called too needy from someone, you know how much shame is attributed with that. And I really don't think that anyone is too needy. I think it comes from having unmet needs. And often, if more of our basic emotional needs were met, then you wouldn't feel that triggered. You wouldn't feel like you needed more and more from your partner. Okay, so if you're resonating with this so far and you do feel that way, just know that it's not because there's something wrong with you, it's because you've been with or are with someone who cannot meet your most basic emotional needs. So, you're starving for love and attention. And when we're starving, we don't always act in the most rational of ways, do we? You think about when you go to the grocery store and you're starving, your stomach is growling, what do you do? You run straight to the sugar, to the carbs, to the confectionery aisle, to the food that's going to give you that quick hit, that quick hit of dopamine. You buy all the wrong things, you gouge yourself. And then you feel really sick and terrible afterwards. You're like, why did I do that? You're not acting in your best interest. And the same is in relationships. If you are starving for your emotional needs to be met, you're probably going to act in a sort of irrational manner. You're going to be double texting, triple texting, Instagram, posting something on your story as this weird, you know, cryptic message, hoping that they'll see it. And. grab their attention, giving them the cold shoulder, all this stuff. Okay. You're going to have these maladaptive coping mechanisms because that is all you know. And that is all I knew. And this went on until I was about 25 years old. So I'm currently 30. And this is when around this age back in 2020, this is when I had my big sort of come to Jesus moment as they call it my big revelation. I was in a a very toxic relationship. So I was very anxiously attached at this time. I was with a highly avoidant partner and it was in 2019 through to 2020. And this was a very significant relationship for me. I still to this day know that the love with him was very real and we had a very special connection. We're actually still, you know, we're friends to this day. We're on good terms, but. When we met, he was extremely avoidant, very sort of, you know, mysterious, emotionally unavailable, but also still interested, and of course, to someone who's anxiously attached, this is like crack cocaine. It is so addictive and tempting and had, oh my god, the chokehold this guy had over me. It was hot, it was intense, it was very passionate. And that passion period lasted, I mean, it lasted several months, you know, and of course I got swept up and I thought in the beginning, you know, oh my God, this is real love. But looking back, it was probably just a lot of lust and like trauma bonding that was going on. But yeah, it was a very tumultuous dynamic between us. And I remember at the beginning of the relationship, there was a lot of times where I was. often left wondering, you know, like, what's happening here? When am I going to see this guy next? Because he would say he wanted to see me, but then he'd leave it really open ended and often I wouldn't know what was happening with our plans until the very last minute. And I would leave myself totally available. Like I wouldn't make social plans. I would just honestly be sitting around on the weekend, anxious as fuck, wondering when I was going to hear from him. And hence why you become obsessed with your relationship, because we as humans hate uncertainty. So you're always trying to figure out what's going on, and anyway, this went on for a while, then we became exclusive, we got into a relationship, and honestly, it didn't really get any easier. I remember so many fights and arguments where, you know, over just stupid shit that shouldn't be a problem in relationships, but Things where, you know, we'd be chatting in the morning and then he'd say like, Oh, I'm really busy, I've got to get to work, I'll text you I'll text you in a couple of hours about what we're gonna do tonight, or something. And I remember this one time, actually, this happened, and I didn't hear from him for about ten hours or so. And, of course, I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing for work, I was just checking my phone obsessively, Is he gonna message me? Is he gonna message me? And then, of course, because you're Needs aren't being met. What happens is you build up this resentment inside of you and then you end up sort of exploding and you know, being aggressive or really angry at your partner or being passive aggressive when you speak to them. And of course, that's what I did after, you know, I hadn't heard from him. It was like seven o'clock at night and I was going to be seeing him got really pissed off. And then because I did that. He then lashed out and, you know, implemented his defense mechanism and just told me that I was being ridiculous and that he was just busy at work and what's my problem, like, why, why are you so needy, all this stuff, and it was just awful, you know, and this is the thing, if he had just let me know but given me that one little check in, that one point of connection in the afternoon or whatever to say, hey, I'm really busy. I know I said I'd call you, but I'm in the thick of it. Can I give you a call after work at six o'clock? If I had just gotten that message, boy, would that have changed how I was feeling. And to some of you, you might be nodding your head right now being like, uh huh, absolutely. Amen. Like that is that too much to ask for. And. I will tell you right now, no it is not, but for some people, it is. For some people, like avoid people who are highly avoidant, who highly value their autonomy and independence, just that one request can feel like too much for them. So, it's not you, it's just the type of person you're with and their capacity to hold your emotional needs, okay? And, If I had had that, it would have allowed me to relax, to feel at ease, and just get on with whatever it was that I was doing, you know, without needing to obsess or obsess about what was going on in the relationship. So fast forward to about August of 2020, Our relationship finally came to an end. And I think at this point, the writing was just on the wall and I fully knew that it wasn't right. I think we both knew for various reasons as to why this relationship had to end. And when it did this, this was a really pivotal part in my, in my journey. I had a full on existential crisis. I'm telling you. This breakup cracked me so wide open that I finally stopped myself and said, this has to change. Something has to change. I cannot continue going on in relationships like this for the rest of my life because it is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. And surely, there's a solution, because I would look around at other people in my life, whether it's a sister or a friend, who would be in these seemingly healthy, secure relationships, and I was always so confused. I, I would think to myself, why is it that they can have that, but I can't? What am I doing wrong? And this is when I had to have a really good, honest, hard look at myself in the mirror and realize that I was the common denominator amongst all of these relationships. It was me. And so with that information, I realized I need to do some digging. I need to dig into my patterns of behavior, my beliefs around relationships and love and figure some shit out. And The beginning of understanding why I was the way I was, my patterns, actually, I have my sister to thank because my eldest sister, Dominica, had been telling me for a few years to read this book called Attached by Emile Levine. And for several years, I just palmed it off, brushed her away. And I was like, you know what? I don't need it. I'm fine. I'm fine, like I know what I'm doing, I'm in control, and honestly I was just in denial. And I think there was a very little part of me that knew there was something to it, but I just wasn't ready to change or to acknowledge the truth until this time in 2020 when I felt like I had no other choice and I said, fine, give me the damn book, let me read it. And I'm not kidding you when I say that I, I didn't read this book. I inhaled this book. I could not read it fast enough because with every page that I read, it was like a puzzle piece was being put into place. This puzzle that was my life and relationships. Understanding attachment theory for the first time was like coming up for air because I realized that there isn't anything wrong with me. fundamentally as a person. I'm not damaged, broken, or too much. I'm not too needy. This, it, it, it almost makes me emotional saying this and I'm sure that if you're going through it right now you will feel this emotion because the sense of validation it gave me was insane. And so with this new insight, it allowed me to understand why I kept attracting the same kinds of people. The same kind of guys who would say one thing, then do another. Who would not follow through on things, who would pull away the more I tried to get closer to them. Who were vague, who would shut me down, gaslight me, get angry when I cried. And when emotions came into the conversation, you know, all the typical avoidant behaviour. I understood, for the first time in my life, why. And with knowledge comes so much power. And this revelation led me down a giant rabbit hole. I was like, I need to know everything there is to know about attachment styles and my anxious attachment and how to heal it. So I was reading books. I hired a coach. I went through their program. I was practicing everything that I was learning. And this time of my life went from being an existential crisis to one of the most transformative chapters in my life. It became an amazing year because once I realized that I had been chasing external validation and approval from partners, I realized that, wait, what if I can actually give that to myself? And so this year in 2020 was the first year that I moved out of home. So actually in that, in 2020, From like the beginning of 2020 up until this was about August I think, I'd kind of been bopping around. This is when in the midst of COVID. So I was staying with my sister and then I actually moved in with this ex for a while and So I was bopping around, anyway, I finally moved, when we broke up, I moved into my first apartment that I was renting in Bondi, in Sydney, with two amazing housemates, Rachel and Ben, and Rachel and I became really fast friends, you know, those people you meet and you just instantly instantly click, and you're like, yep, we're going to be best friends. And to this day, she is one of my best friends. And she is the one who I'm going to Italy with in April, which is amazing. I'm so excited. But yes, this is when my life really began to open up because I just moved out of home. I had my independence. I had this new sense of autonomy over my life. I'd just gone through this breakup, and had gained so much hope and excitement about the possibilities of what I could do with my life moving forward. And this is where it just began. I absolutely transformed as a person. I threw myself into hobbies. I learned how to surf. I met so many amazing people through surfing. We went on camping trips and surfing was just the most amazing outlet for me. I joined an outdoor boot camp. I was learning how to set boundaries in my life with family members, and I was growing my coaching business, which at the time was general life coaching, and this time really began to set the tone for the person that I am today. I spent an entire year from that point not dating anyone. I just wanted to, honestly, I wanted to just get to know this new version of myself. And I wanted to heal, gain as much knowledge and tools and understanding about what it means to go from anxiously attached to securely attached. Before I got back into dating. Because I really wanted to set myself up for success and basically change the narrative of what relationships were to me. And I really attest gaining those secure dating tools to getting into my first secure relationship. Which happened in November of 2021. I met a guy on Hinge and it was wild for me to see my external reality and the type of person who I had attracted in to see that shift as a result of the work I had done on myself in that year leading up to it. It was wild. And so I remember from the get go when we started chatting, it was an entirely different experience because. I was showing up so differently to what I had in the past. I remember feeling so confident in myself, not ashamed of myself at all. I knew my worth and in conversation, I wasn't overthinking everything I was saying. I was unapologetically being myself. And you know, I'm a pretty deep person. I love to talk about emotions, relationships, all that good jazz. I love it. So I was just myself in these conversations and because I was so secure, I had called in someone who was also very secure and who was able to match my level. So when you are acting in that secure, confident version of yourself, you're going to be Attractive or unattractive to certain people. So obviously this person could sense that in myself. He could sense my comfort with being open and genuine and vulnerable. And he was at the same place in his life where that's what he wanted. And that's what he was embodying. So it was this, it was a match, right? And the conversation was flowing and After about a week of chatting, he asked me out and we organized a date to have coffee before work one morning. And I remember I was so excited to meet him. And then a day before the date, he messaged me and said, I'm really sorry. I need to reschedule our coffee date because I have this work thing. And then I'm going away over the weekend with some friends, but I'll message you Monday morning and we'll tee up a new time. And you know, I was like, Oh, that's a bit disappointing, but okay. Like at least he's being really communicative. Come Monday morning, first thing, 9am, I receive a message from him. And it was something like, Morning sunshine, how was your weekend? When are you free for coffee this week? And it was such a beautiful first step in experiencing integrity in a guy. actually doing what he said he was gonna do was so refreshing. So we organized a date and had our first day in Bondi at Depo. Shout out to anyone who's in Bondi and knows Depo, my absolute all time fave. And the whole experience was so positive and just lovely, you know. I remember that one of the most visceral shifts was I wasn't obsessing over how I was coming across or what he was thinking about me or if I felt good enough. I was just present and interested in him and getting to know him and assessing, you know, does he feel good enough for me? Do we feel compatible? Is this someone I could see myself wanting to get to know better? And that was a massive difference in the anxious version of me and the more secure version of me. We spoke about what we were looking for in dating and relationships, what we were passionate about, and it really started this journey of, yeah, experiencing what it was like to be with someone secure. And what is important for me to say here is that, you know, up until I made the decision, when we both sort of made the decision that we wanted to be exclusive in the time leading up to that point, I definitely did feel some resistance. Because he was so emotionally available and predictable that, I mean, I'd never experienced that before. And so it was a totally new normal for me. And there were definitely a few times where I thought, is this boring? Like, is this, is this really what it's meant to feel like? And I had to constantly check in with myself. To not sabotage that new connection, because the old me was used to drama. I was used to waiting on a guy, not knowing when I was going to hear from him, and feeling that really highly charged sort of energy. And, you know, the other thing was, I knew, like, there was attraction, but I wasn't feeling extremely attracted to him, you know, like physically. But I also knew from the knowledge I had learned that that was okay, that was part of the process and there were so many green flags that were going around. in him, that I said, I'm going to lean in. I'm going to give this a chance to develop. And I'm sure that if it's meant to be, that the physical attraction that will, you know, strengthen and get more intense over time. And of course it did. Okay. So this, yeah, this relationship, this stage, you know, when you're first setting someone secure, there is a bit of trial and error. It can be tricky. But, just be very gentle and compassionate with yourself, you know, and give the other person a chance. Even if it seems boring at first, lean into it and know that that chemistry or physical attraction, if it's not there, or if it's like a very faint glow and it's not burning super bright in the beginning, it will definitely evolve. You know, and you need to remind yourself when you do meet someone like this, someone where, You actually just feel very calm and at peace and safe in your body. This is what you have been asking for. Okay. Remind yourself of that. Do not run in the opposite direction. Do not instantly, you know, cast them aside because you're like, nah, I'm just bored, you know, so it mustn't be a good match. Give it a chance. So we got into a relationship. And we were together for about a year and three months, I think. And this relationship was also very significant for me. It changed me in so many ways. It changed the way I now know that I deserve to be treated. The standard that I have for relationships moving forward. The validation I've always needed to, to know and to feel that, you know, having emotional conversations and just being real is, for the right person, a massive turn on and it is not difficult. And, you know, this relationship is, it's probably going to be, I might go deeper in it in another episode because, you know, There's so much I could say about it, but I just wanted to let you know that, you know, this was an important part of my journey, and without this relationship, I probably wouldn't be here today, doing what I do for work, being a dating and relationship coach, and chatting to you right now. So our relationship ended at the very beginning of 2023. It was pretty much Bang on New Year's. And some of you might be thinking, Oh my god, like if it was so great, why did you break up? And again, you know, I might go into that in another episode, but sometimes these relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes they are meant to come in for a season of your life, to be a huge teacher, and, you know, teach you the valuable lessons that you need at the time to evolve into the next version of yourself. And I know that that's what this relationship was for both of us. It was a huge catalyst of growth for him and for myself. So after the breakup, it's safe to say it took me a good six months to heal and grieve that relationship. And I did that in a very healthy way, you know, allowing myself to feel it all. And then midway through 2023, I entered my casual dating era. And, you know, I'd always wanted to be that person who could casually date a few people at a time and just do it for the fun of it. and not get deeply attached and invested, but I never could because I was so anxiously attached that I just clung to the first person I met. But at this time in my life, that's exactly what I did. I set my intentions very strongly going back into dating and I had the time of my life and I did it whilst being in integrity. I was very open and honest with everyone and I was with, you know, seeing a few different people. I was open with them about what I was looking for. What I was available for and what I was not, and I was essentially just this entirely different person. I honestly, sometimes I'd look at myself in the mirror and be like, who are you? I'm obsessed with you. This person who is confident, empowered, who knows what she wants, who isn't afraid to ask for what she wants, wasn't afraid to walk away from red flags when, you know, I wasn't being treated right. Like I wasn't putting up that shit anymore because I knew my worth. So I was just, you know, if I saw that, I'm like, I'm out of here. And it was just, it was like fucking day and night between who I am and who I used to be. And then towards the end of 2023, I was building my coaching business back up after taking a break. So I've been coaching for about five years, I think. And I started off as a general life coach. Then I went into business coaching for a time. Then I took a break from my business due to other circumstances. And then I was coming back into it and I wanted to figure out what I should coach on because general life coaching and confidence is great, but I wanted to be more specific. And one of my best friends who is also in the coaching space, I was talking to her about it. And, you know, she said, what comes naturally to you now? Like what do you do that people tell you is really impressive or they would find difficult and you just tend to do it really naturally. And I thought about it. And I had these flashbacks to, you know, when I was living in Bondi, some of me and my closest friends would often go for coffee and like a walk along the promenade, and especially in this casual dating era, I would give my friend updates on everything that was happening and the way I was communicating, what I was asking for, what I wanted, and stuff. And I remember this one friend, shout out to Adelaide, if you're listening and she would often just be, you know, in awe of what I was telling her and she'd say, How the hell can you say that? How can you just come out right and say that? I could never say that to someone in dating. Oh my god, I could never, I could never do that. And I'd sort of be like, What? Why? Like, are you serious? But, you know, I had to kind of realize that me being this way naturally now is the result of a lot of fucking work that I had to put in. To become this version of myself. It wasn't always like this. And so with this realization, I said to my, my friend, I said, I think it's actually around relationships and dating. feeling secure. And because, you know, this is probably the biggest transformation I've had in my life. And I think I could really help people with it. And so thus begun this journey. I started posting on Instagram about relationships and anxious attachment, towards the end of 2023. And it was the first time I experienced feeling so embodied in what I was sharing. and teaching on and creating content on poured out of me. It came so naturally because everything I talk about is so embodied. It is again, not something I've just read and I'm trying to regurgitate and sound authentic. It is who I am. And obviously this came across very strongly to people in my audience. On Instagram, people who are interested in this content. And I went from about 1, 200 followers to just recently hitting 100, 000 followers in 12 months. It's been a wild journey. And I know without a shadow of a doubt, I am absolutely living my purpose. I am doing what I was put on this earth to do. Which is to help you find your sense of self, your inner self. inner confidence, find that security to live your life on your terms as you want to live it. to be a happy, thriving, independent person and to have those healthy, secure, fulfilling relationships that you want and that you deserve. And this is what the work that I do through coaching, both in my group programs and one on one private coaching. And honestly, I feel like we are just getting started, and this podcast is a beautiful addition to the way that I can serve you. So, I think I'm gonna wrap it up here. This was quite a beast of a first episode, if this story resonated with you, please come and let me know. Jump over onto Instagram, I will leave all the links below in the show notes. And yeah, tell me if this resonated with you, feel free to share what insights you gained from hearing my story and also what else you want to hear from me. I'm very open to taking on your ideas and suggestions of what you want to hear and bringing that to you in other episodes. To summarize, to tie this all together, the main takeaway is to know that your attachment style, the way you are in relationships right now, is not fixed. for listening. You are not hopeless and there is so much opportunity. There is a secure, healthy version of you available to you if you are willing to put in the work and take accountability for your healing and becoming that secure version of yourself and attracting the love that you deserve. So with all of that being said, have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, let me know by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on socials so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.