Ep #6: Life Update: Independence, Dating, and Embracing Change In My 30s

In episode six of the Secure Love Club podcast, I share a personal BTS life update on the challenges I’m facing right now as a single woman in my 30s and how I feel about dating. I discuss missing my community in Sydney, craving independence while living with family in Melbourne, and taking a break from dating due to a lack of emotional availability. We dive into the importance of accepting the current season of life you’re in and letting go of unmet expectations from our 20s in order to make the most of your 30s! Join me as I offer insights into handling life's transitions and focusing on personal growth.

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Transcript

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You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast with Mimi Watt, episode six. Hey, friends, welcome back to the club. Here we are at episode six. Oh, how the time flies. Today, I want to go into a bit of a personal life and dating update, a bit of behind the scenes. And I feel that this is a really intimate, safe, cozy space that we've created here on the pod to do that. Instagram, I do keep it real and I give you updates here and there. But. I feel like this is the space to go deeper and just give you the real behind the scenes, the real goss, the real tea of what I'm navigating right now as a single independent woman who's running a business, who's carving out her place in the world, who's trying to navigate dating and being independent and, and all the things. And I just want to share this because I want to keep it real with you. Obviously I've experienced. An immense amount of growth over the last five years within myself, within relationships, et cetera. And whilst I love sharing all of that with you, because I think it's very important to see other people growing and succeeding in the, in the ways that we want to succeed. Because when you see one person achieving that. It means it's possible for you to achieve that, right? When one person wins, we all win, if you look at it that way. So I'm very passionate about sharing the growth, sharing the wins, sharing the practical tips and tools and ways that you can up level, but I'm also. passionate, or I also value sharing the other side of the coin, because that is life and there's no faking it, right? There's no good without the bad. There's no happy without sad. There's no up without the down. And so it's really important to address the, maybe the darker side of the coin and be real so that, you know, that you're not alone in certain things that you might be navigating if it's similar to what I'm going through. And also to just. gain some hope on what is possible and how you can navigate these times too. So I'm going to go into a bit of an update around my living situation, how that's feeling for me, travel that I have coming up and thoughts I have around that, my dating life. So my thoughts on dating right now and if I'm doing that or not, what I'm actually doing with dating and talking about the season that you're in and how to navigate that and get the most out of it. And really just how to manage it all with the emotions and the challenges that come with life that are the, you know, the inevitable part of life and growth, especially when you are someone who is passionate about growing and evolving and becoming a better version of yourself. And I know that that is you, if you are here listening to this podcast, because you are my people. Alright, let's dive in. The first thing I want to chat about is my living situation. Now, I know that you may resonate partly to the things I'm going to say, maybe not to everything, but I'm going to share it nonetheless. As you may or may not know, I am from Sydney in Australia. And over the last year, I've been a bit of a digital nomad moving around. So last year in April, I left Sydney and I moved to Bali and I was living in Bali for six months, actually, if you listened to the last episode, you'll know the backstory as to why I made that move. But I went and lived in Bali and that was an amazing experience. And then I came back to Australia in November last year, the end of last year, because I just wanted a bit of a break. I wanted to come home for Christmas in Australia and spend time with my family. And then once I came back here, I realised That's, I'm actually kind of done with Bali right now and I wanted to just stay in Australia and enjoy a more peaceful life for a little while because Bali can be so hectic save some money and all the things before I go away again. at the end of April this year. It's actually crazy. It's pretty much 12 months to the, nearly to the date that I am. I think it actually is to the date that I'm flying out of Australia again, going overseas than it was last year. So 23rd of April, and I'm heading off to Europe for a while, which I'm very excited about, but so I'm, I'm sort of in this weird, like holding place, I want to say. Between having come back from Bali, knowing that I'm going overseas to Europe again, and being in Melbourne in the interim. And whilst it's so amazing that I get to have this life where I can literally live anywhere, because my work is online, and I'm, I'm so blessed, but I'm also, you know, I worked very hard to create this life for myself. Whilst it is amazing, and fun and freeing. It's also challenging. It comes with its cons, I guess. The biggest challenge I'm feeling right now is not having my community around me. Yes, I'm surrounded by family, so my mum is here, and three of my older sisters live here at the moment as well, but The community that I worked hard to build for myself back in Sydney is what I'm missing, so my best friends who live in Sydney, the routine I had, the gym that I went to, the suburb that I lived in, and the community that I felt there, I'm really missing all of that. And The more time that I have spent being single and focusing on myself and not being in relationships, the more importance and emphasis I have placed on building up those areas of my life, those core foundational pillars, if you will, that really lead you to feeling fulfilled and whole and happy in your life. Things like your friendships, your routine, the things you do on a week to week basis. Like, where do you train? Where do you go get your coffee? Where do you like to eat out? What do you do for your downtime? Where do you go on your walks? All these things that just make up your day to day life that really brought me so much joy, I am now missing. And it doesn't mean that they're gone. It doesn't mean I'll never have those things again. It just means that right now in this chapter, I am back in Australia, but I'm sort of, I'm without those things that make me feel like me, like Mimi, right? Living my own life. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm missing a bit of my independence. Yes, like I am still independent, but when you live with family and, you know, your family's all around you, it's very easy to feel this sense of like, oh, well, if my sisters are around me or if I'm around my family, then we just do everything together, right? Like we spend a lot of time together because this isn't the norm, right? Where I'm living in Melbourne. And they are as well. So, I guess just feeling a little bit of craving my independence again, craving my own space, and feeling like myself. Because when you're so close to family, your identity can feel like it becomes a bit enmeshed with the people around you. My sister, Hannah, and I, who are very close in age and close in general, we have this joke where whenever we're together, I always laugh. And I say, because I'm slightly younger than her, I say that it's like my brain switches off and I don't make any decisions. I don't decide what we're doing. I just follow her around and I'm like, yep, you call the shots and I'll just show up and we'll have a great time. And we kind of laugh because that's been the dynamic of our relationship. Since we were little, she's always kind of taken the lead and I take the lead in other areas. But anyway, we, we're very close and you know, you kind of just, you, you can stop thinking for yourself sometimes. And I find that to be challenging. I certainly have moments where I feel a bit suffocated and so does she, she said the same thing and you just, yeah, you want your own space. You want your own life. I mean, I'm a 30 year old woman for Christ sakes. Of course I want that. But I do know that this is a temporary chapter and so I do try to bring my focus back to that and be grateful for this because I know that in six months time or 12 months time, my life could look very different. Or even one day when we're all settled and maybe there's kids involved and whatever, we're not going to have as much free time as we have right now to just hang out and talk shit and cook dinner together and, go to yoga or whatever we want to do. Life is going to be so busy and full on. So I do try to remind myself of that and Enjoy this time while I have it. My dad and stepmum were in Melbourne visiting over the weekend, and we went out for dinner on Saturday night, just the three of us, it was really lovely. And my stepmum said to me, oh, you know, like, have you made any friends here, like, in your time in Melbourne, and I said no because I haven't, well, not really, because I haven't been intentionally putting myself out there because in my mind my time being here does feel so temporary and I think after having a lot of stimulation and socializing and all that going on in Bali when I came back here to Melbourne I just thought, all I want to do is focus on myself, focus on my work and my business, my health, and just kind of settling into a nice, peaceful routine. And my thoughts were that I'll just do that, and then I'm going to Europe with one of my best friends, and that's going to be an amazing experience. And then I'll come back to Australia, and figure out where I want to settle and where I want to be. And then I will, um, Prioritize making new connections again and making friends. This sort of translates into dating and how I'm feeling about dating right now. I have taken pretty much nearly a full 12 months off of dating. Right before I left Sydney last year, there was some dating going on. I was still sort of in my casual dating era. I was really enjoying the company of different people and just having fun and getting to know them with no strings attached. And that was really fun. But when I went to Bali, actually this was interesting. I thought that I was going to be dating a lot. I remember my stepsister planted this seed and she said to me, you are going to be dating so much in Bali. You're going to be having so much fun. That's the place to be if you want to be dating. And so I kind of, had that thought in my mind when I went over there. But then to my surprise, I actually had no desire to date. I just, I don't know, I just had no desire to date. I just wanted to be with myself and enjoy my experience in Bali. And If the desire came up, then I could follow it. But if it didn't, then I wasn't going to force it. And it just, it didn't really come up. And I sort of still feel like I'm in that place. And a part of that, that I think contributes to that lack of desire to date, also comes from feeling a lack of emotional availability to date, I know that if I was to get on the apps and start building connections with someone that it probably wouldn't be fair because I think I would be half arsing it and I'd just be doing it out of curiosity, but knowing full well that I don't, I'm not really in a place right now where I have the extra emotional availability or capacity to give someone what they deserve from me if I'm deciding to date them. And the other part being that I'm just feeling quite ungrounded in my living situation. I mean, I don't know if I'm going to end up staying in Bali, uh, sorry, in Melbourne. I'm leaving in a couple of months to go overseas to Europe for a few months, I think. Then I'm coming back and I don't know if I'm going to stay here or if I'm going to go to Sydney. And it just feels, Like, I don't have my roots intact, and so anything that I might start now may be pointless, in a sense. Like, it may not have the ability to evolve into anything or to go anywhere, and I know myself, and I Don't want to do a long distance relationship. I just don't think that is something that feels good for my nervous system. Even with all of the tools and knowledge I have in knowing how to manage my emotions and be more securely attached in relationships. I just don't think that's something I want if I can avoid it. Right. Who knows. Maybe I'll meet the love of my life over in Italy or Greece and that'll be a juicy story for another day. But for now, I just know that I'm not feeling ready to open myself up to potentially be invested in someone whilst I am in this transient chapter. And I, don't get me wrong, I have been tried and I've tested to see how I'm feeling by downloading the apps and going on there to see how I respond. I often find this is like a good way to test if you are wanting to date. What is your natural bodily reaction when you go on the apps? Is it, there is an interest to want to connect and have conversations? Or do you just notice that instantly you feel, drained, or you just don't have the emotional capacity. And for me, that's a good indicator that yeah, no, it's not the right time. Uh, and I have that. I have a previous experience to compare that to, right. When I was in my casual dating era and I knew that's what I wanted. I was really invested and I had the emotional availability. I had the. energetic capacity to be dating casually, to be involved with several people at a time and, managing conversations and feelings and keeping everything in integrity. I knew I had the availability to do that and that's why I can feel with great clarity that for where I'm at right now, I don't. So I don't know how long this will last, but I'm absolutely okay with it. And I think this sort of leads into the conversation I wanted to have around having acceptance for the season of life you're in. I see a lot of people suffering and feeling unhappy with their life because they feel like they should be doing something that they're not or they feel that they should be achieving in one area when they're really wanting to focus on another or just trying to spread themselves too thin. And, falling into the, into the comparison trap of like, Oh, what's this person doing or what are they doing? And are they better than me? Are they further ahead in life than me or this or that? But something I've really come to recognize lately is just having acceptance for the season you're in. And for me right now, honestly, the season of life I feel I'm in is Building my business and setting myself up, setting my life up the way that I want it, getting myself to a point where I feel extremely financially secure and financially independent and I'm not reliant on anyone for support, so that I can make choices about what I want for my life. I can decide where I want to live. I can decide how I want to live, what my lifestyle is, you know, when and where I want to travel. I really, that is my focus right now. And I think there's a lot of emotional relief that can be found by just having acceptance for that. Instead of sitting here trying to focus on that wholeheartedly, like if I was to be sitting in this season and tell myself, well, Mimi, you're 30, you know, you should be out there dating and you should be meeting someone because that biological clock is ticking. If I was doing that, I would be getting nowhere fast. I wouldn't be advancing in my business and career the way I want to. And I probably wouldn't be advancing in dating and relationships the way that I want to because there's this unnecessary. divide this unnecessary tension and stress that I'd be putting on myself that just isn't serving me. So maybe think about that for yourself right now. Like what season of life are you in? Maybe you're in a place where you are really happy with where your career is at and you feel Strong in that area. You feel like, yep, I've worked really hard. I've gotten myself to a good place. I'm financially secure. I know what my future looks like. I know what I need to focus on. You've got that on lock, but maybe your romantic relationship side of things isn't where you want it to be. And so what have I, direct my attention into that area and step into that season where you decide for yourself that I'm going to do everything I can to advance myself in the area of relationships. And maybe that looks like working on yourself first, if you are still very anxiously attached and you know there's some work to be done to become more secure, Before you get out there and start dating again, maybe it's investing in a program, hiring a coach to support you to accelerate your growth in that area, in that journey, or if you feel good about where you're at emotionally, it's actively putting yourself out there to date. It's having multiple conversations with people and being curious about getting to know different people and maybe even opening up to the idea of, yeah. I want a relationship. I want a long term relationship. And I want to meet someone who I can really build something with and not being ashamed of that and just owning it 100 percent and going after it. Or maybe you're in a season of life where your health is your number one priority. Maybe you've been hustling really hard in your career and your health has been put on the back burner, or maybe you're in a relationship right now and you've gotten quite comfortable and, to no fault of your own, maybe you've let, You gotta let that side of yourself go a little bit and you're not feeling as good as you could feel and so, deciding this is the season I want to be in right now is taking care of my health, my physical body, my mental health and making that a priority. Whatever it is for you, the lesson here is Own it. Own whatever season you're in and stop getting distracted by unnecessary things. Stop getting distracted by what you see all your friends doing on Instagram or that person who you admire, what they're doing on Instagram and making you doubt yourself and feel conflicted in what you know is right for you. Don't get distracted because that's when you give away your power and you just leak all your energy and you slow down your progress and your timeline of where you are now and getting to where you want to be. So what are you focused on and how can you own that season of your life? Something that's been coming up for myself and some of my good friends lately, and even clients that I work with is the biological clock. If you're of a similar age, maybe you're feeling this too where you're getting into your thirties, maybe it's early thirties, mid thirties, late thirties. And you're starting to really feel that pressure of, I should be settling down. I should be meeting the love of my life, getting pregnant, if that's what you want and having babies and progressing. And I just want to validate that that pressure is very real. I get it. And you should not feel bad for one second, if you are feeling that pressure, because you are not. it's real. I mean, as women, if you have a uterus and you want to get pregnant, you do have a certain biological clock and it's hard, it can be hard to navigate that feeling of isolation or loneliness when you see your best friends or your people who are close to you getting pregnant, getting pregnant with their second child, getting engaged, right, progressing in that area. And. I get it. I am definitely not immune to feeling that sense of comparison. And as I said, my dad and my stepmom were here for dinner on the weekend. We went out and we were having a chat about this. And, I said to them, because my stepsister is the same age as my, as me, And she's in a long term relationship. Her and her partner have been together for eight years, I think. And they live together in a house and, they're probably going to get engaged soon and they know they want to have kids. And, and I said to them, I'm like, yeah, you know, part of me sometimes does pair, or. look at what they've got, look at their life and feel like maybe I'm behind because I don't have that yet. Or question, am I behind? Should I have that? And when am I going to have that? And all these things. But I also said to them, I know that timing is everything and everyone has a different timeline. And I also know that the grass is greenest where you water it. And I chose to. this life that I'm in right now. I chose to become an entrepreneur. I chose to start a business. And there's a lot of work that has to go into that as a lot of dedication and devotion that goes to that. If you are serious about it, which I am. And I said, you know, I chose this and I choose it every day. And I'm actually okay with where I'm at. I'm okay with the season of life that I'm in, but I'm also okay to acknowledge that I have those thoughts and that I have those feelings actually came across this. really amazing post the other day that one of my best friends sent to me after we were having this conversation about being in your thirties and feeling that sense of comparison and the timeline and looking left and right at what everyone else is doing. I actually want to read the thread to you on this carousel post because I found it to be extremely spot on and very comforting and reassuring. And I think it might help you. bring that to you as well if you're feeling this way. This was a post by, I'm probably gonna butcher her name, uh, her name, I think you pronounce it, is Chika Uwazi, I believe. And the thread that she had written says, The scariest part of your 30s? Realizing you have to grieve the life you thought you'd have. No one prepares you for this kind of loss. Let's talk about it. In your 20s, you create a vision of what life should look like. The perfect career, the dream relationship, the milestones that are supposed to happen on time. And then, reality happens. Maybe you thought you'd be married by now. Maybe you assumed you'd be thriving in your dream job, living in a certain city, or feeling more sure of yourself. But instead, you're looking at your life, wondering how you ended up here. No one talks about the grief that comes with unmet expectations. It's a silent, unspoken loss. The version of you that never was. And it hurts, because it makes you question if you made the wrong choices, wasted time, or failed yourself. You scroll through social media, seeing people who seem to have figured it out. The engagement photos, the career wins, the picture perfect milestones, and suddenly, your life feels like it's lagging behind. But here's what I wish someone told me sooner. Grieving the life you thought you'd have is part of stepping into the life you're meant for. The more you resist it, the more stuck you'll feel. Your 30s aren't about catching up, they're about course correction. You're shedding the timeline that was never truly yours. The dream job that wasn't actually fulfilling. The relationship that wasn't meant to last. The expectations that were rooted in who you used to be. It's okay to feel the sadness, the confusion, the frustration. It's okay to let go of the life that didn't happen. But don't stay there too long. Because the life in front of you, the one that you're actually meant for, needs you to move forward. Your thirties aren't about clinging to an old script. They're about writing a new one, with wisdom, with clarity, and with a deeper understanding of what truly matters. Let go of the timeline. The life you're building now is still worthy, still meaningful, and still yours to claim. I thought that was such a beautiful and well put summation of this feeling so many of us experience. What I really loved about what Chica said is this sense of shedding what is actually no longer serving you. I think we all go through our twenties trying to fit some image or some idea of who we think we should be. And by the time you get to your thirties, you realize that. Actually, that was never meant for me. Maybe it's a relationship you were in for 10 years, in your entire 20s, you were with someone who you thought you were going to marry, who you thought was the love of your life, and then you hit 30 and you realize that you're no longer the person you were when you met them and you've outgrown each other and as sad as it is you just know that you are not going to be able to evolve into who you're meant to be whilst you're in that relationship and so it's about letting that person go. Maybe it's that you spent your entire 20s Working really hard to earn a career that you thought was going to be good for you, you thought was right for you. And then you get to that more independent, self assured version of yourself and you realize, Damn, this is not what I want to be doing with my life. I do not want to be doing this for the next 20, 30, 40 years. and you have to face that difficult and scary decision of do I continue because it's more, it's secure and I know what I'm doing with this job now or do I make a change and do I take that leap of faith and go after what I'm actually passionate about, starting again at 30. Maybe it's your friendships. I know I've definitely experienced this and I'm going to do another whole episode on talking about managing the changes in friendships that happen as you grow and evolve, because I definitely experienced this and maybe it is that, you know, letting go of friendships that you've had for a very long time, but that no longer serve you in becoming the person you know you want to become, whether that's your interests, your values, the way you look at life, the way you gossip or don't gossip, right, the things, the petty things that you don't entertain anymore, and needing to let go of those friendships so that you can evolve into the most authentic version of yourself. I think your 30s are the most perfect time for that. powerful time of unbecoming. Unbecoming everything you thought you needed to be, to be successful and loved and winning in this life. And so if you take anything from this, I want it to be a giant permission slip to do whatever it is that you want to do. You can literally change your mind Today, in this very moment, about who you want to be, the way you want to dress, what you want to do for your career, how you want to show up in the world, the people you want to surround yourself with, and the relationship you do or don't want to be in. You are on your own timeline, and that is a beautiful thing. And never forget that there are parts about who you are, there are parts about your life and what you're doing, that other people are looking at and wishing they had. They are aspiring to have what you have, just like you are aspiring to have parts of what other people have. No one has it all figured out. No one has it, has the perfect life with no struggles, no doubts, no issues. It's just not real. So let this also just be a snap back to reality, because we all get caught up in the highlight reel of Instagram thinking that everyone else is crushing it hitting those big milestones and you're not. But it's just not the case. Another thing that came up in the conversation at dinner on Saturday night was my stepmom said to me, you know, things are rarely as they seem. And she's right. We only know a fraction of what is actually going on in people's lives, in how they feel within themselves. We don't really know. So the best thing you can do is stop looking left and right and wondering if someone else has it better than you. Bring the focus back to yourself and say, am I happy with my life? Am I happy with where I'm at? Am I happy with where I'm going? Am I happy in this relationship? Do I really want this career? Do I want more for myself? And it's okay to want more. I encourage you to want more for yourself, especially when it comes to relationships. And speaking of that, I know that when the time is right, the relationship I'm going to have next will be perfect for me. Because one of my biggest values and priorities is living my life in integrity with what is important to me right now. And by practicing that, I am ingraining that into my identity, which means that when I'm ready to go back out there and start dating again, it's only going to be more obvious to me of who's right for me and who's not, because I know who I am. I'm so grateful to my past self for putting in the work to understand myself, to heal my anxious attachment style, to learn the tools of how to manage my emotions, whilst, I mean, not just whilst I'm single, it's important while you're single and in your relationship to know how to comfort yourself and to find security within yourself. And I am so grateful that I put in the work to learn how to do all of that over the years because now, yeah, sometimes I get lonely. Sometimes I get emotional. And I think about, who's going to be the love of my life. And what's that relationship going to look like. But I'm so okay in the void. I'm okay in the waiting because I know how to take care of myself. And I have a beautiful life that I've built and that I'm grateful for. And that is a good thing. A huge reason of why I do the work that I do, why I help my clients in one on one coaching and also in my program Peacefully Attached, is because I want to help you to empower yourself to become your greatest source of comfort and security, so that no matter what life throws at you, whether it's an unexpected challenge, you lose your job, you're made redundant, you experience a death in the family, you lose someone you love, a relationship turns out to be what it wasn't. Whatever it is, you can handle yourself. That is my greatest wish for you and that is why I do the work that I do. And of course, so that when you are out there dating and when you are in a relationship, you know how to handle yourself. You can back yourself. You trust your intuition. You know how to act on it. You know how to advocate for yourself. You have high standards, and you know that your needs and your wants are worthy of being met, and you know how to ask for them, and you know how to walk away when someone isn't right for you or can't meet them. That is why I do what I do, and I'm so excited to continue this work, not only on myself, but with all of you. All of my clients. And we're actually about to head into round four of peacefully attached my signature program. And I already have an amazing group of women who have signed up and said yes to investing in themselves. The door is still open and the invitation is there for you. If you are feeling. that this is the time to put yourself first and the season of life you want to go into is prioritizing your personal growth when it comes to relationships and moving away from those anxious dating patterns and becoming more secure within yourself so that you can attract healthy love and also navigate life from a more empowered, confident position. then the invitation is here for you to join us. This is a seven week group coaching program where you will get my peacefully attached formula, which is a three step process. you will get a new module every week that takes you through exactly what you need to know and exactly what you need to do to implement the learnings. And we also come together. Every week for a live Q and a call where you will have your burning questions answered, you will have one on one support from myself via hotseat coaching, and you'll just be surrounded and uplifted by the other amazing people in this group who are on the same journey, who want to see you win, who want to see you succeed. And it's going to be a fricking vibe. I'm so excited. We are kicking off live on Tuesday, the 11th of March, 2025. So if you're listening to this and it's before that date. The link is going to be below in the show notes. If you want to join, if you have questions and you just want to make sure it's right for you, please come over to Instagram and send me a DM. I'll also leave the link for that below. And if it's after that date and it's close to it, you can still join. Let me know. Otherwise there will be future rounds coming in the future. All right. I think I'm going to wrap it there. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope it wasn't too scattered or jumping all over the place. I feel that this was a real like smorgasbord of just what's real for me at the moment. The thoughts I'm having, my views on. Dating and relationships, living situations, the biological clock, and all of the things and just managing life as, as a woman in her thirties, and I hope that it has brought you and I closer. I would love to hear your thoughts. If you had insights or reflections from this episode on your own life, please come and share with me. I love connecting with you in the DMS and just to hear how it lands and how it resonates and also to hear what you would love to hear more of. Come connect with me and remember that you're amazing and you've got this. And I believe in you. And I thank you for being here and giving me your time. All right, my friends, with all that being said, have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.