The Secure Love Club Podcast
Your go-to space to break free from anxious dating patterns, find your confidence, and feel secure in love, with dating & relationship expert, Mimi Watt.
The Secure Love Club Podcast
Ep #17: Get Unstuck & Into Alignment Using Human Design With Hillary McVeigh
In this episode of the Secure Love Club podcast, I welcome special guest and Human Design expert, Hilary McVeigh. Hilary shares her journey from being a burnt-out lawyer to a guide helping people reconnect with their authentic selves through human design. We dive into what human design is, how it can help you understand yourself better, and how you can align your life and relationships with your true energy. Hilary opens up about her personal experiences with hitting rock bottom and the transformation that led her to where she is today. We also discuss the different human design types and how each type can thrive both individually and in relationships. This episode is packed with insights and tips for anyone looking to live more authentically and in alignment with their true self. 🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
CONNECT WITH HILLARY! You can connect with Hillary on Instagram, stream her Designed As You Podcast, and find out more about working together here.
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You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the club. Today we have such a special guest on the podcast. I am recording this intro right off the back of the conversation that I've just had with the one and only Hillary McVay. And Hillary is a human design teacher, retreat facilitator, certified coach, and practitioner of IFS and Breathwork. She's a former burnt out lawyer and she now helps people reconnect with their authentic selves. Trust their inner wisdom, break free from conditioned patterns and create lives of deep fulfillment and freedom. She teaches her own empowered method in the advanced Human Design certification and works with clients globally through a blend of spirituality, psychology, and somatic healing. Her integrative approach supports people to access, clarity, confidence, and purpose, and to step fully into who they were always meant. To be. This conversation took so many beautiful twists and turns. Hillary and I spoke about what human design is, how to step into the energy that you were born to step into, how to use human design to understand yourself better, who your authentic self is, the way that you can make changes to really show up in the world in a way where you feel. Aligned. You feel like you are doing what you're meant to be doing. You have the right people surrounding you. You know what to say yes to and what to say no to. We ventured into all things career and purpose, your relationship with yourself and your identity. And then of course, we went into romantic relationships and how each energy type can improve their romantic relationships by not only understanding. Themselves and the way that you best show up in your energy type, but also how you can deepen your connection with your partner by deepening your understanding of who they are as a person and the ways that they naturally thrive. Through understanding their human design. Hilary has just such a wealth of knowledge on human design and spirituality, and she so beautifully shared her journey of where she hit rock bottom in her life and went through a serious dark night of the soul and quit her job as a lawyer. She ended her relationship. She moved overseas for five years. And she really talks about the process of shedding and letting go of the things and people who no longer serve you at a time in your life when you just know that you need to change, you know that there is a deeper truth within you that you need to follow even when it's scary. She is a truly powerful and resilient woman, and whether you are. New to human design. You're a human design expert or you're somewhere in the middle. I know that this episode is going to have some serious golden nuggets and tangible takeaways for you, so this is an episode you do not wanna miss. With that being said, let's dive in.
Mimi:Hilary, welcome to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm so excited to have you on. How are you feeling today?
Hillary:Good. I'm very excited to chat. I loved our conversation on my podcast, so I'm so excited to continue where we left off.
Mimi:Yay. I'm so excited. I have to give Hilary a little shout out because for those of you who are enjoying listening to my podcast each week, Hillary was a huge part of me finally getting my shit together and getting the podcast out there. I was lucky enough to be on her podcast, um, a few months ago and at the end of our conversation, you stayed on the call with me for like 45 minutes of your time just talking me through the podcast, like how to get it set up. You gave me so many helpful tips and so I'm really grateful for that push because, um, it's such a, a fun thing to do and I love having these conversations and going deeper.
Hillary:Yeah, you were ready.
Mimi:I was what?
Hillary:You were so ready. You just, we just needed to have a little conversation, a little bit of like, it's this easy and then you, you just took it off. I feel like within a week or two weeks it was launched and I remember just watching being like, look at that. Go.
Mimi:I know it was like full guns blazing when you gave me that push, so I'm so happy that you did. Um, okay. The reason I wanted to get you on the pod today is because in our conversation, I mean, you're obviously an expo in human design and many different things, but you were talking to me a little bit about MyChart and the way that from what you read, my who I am and what I do are so wonderfully aligned and. Even just from that like little bit of information you gave me, it was so validating and interesting to hear that, that like, okay, yes, what I'm doing is meant for me. It's, it's based on my human design. Um, and so I just wanna take that conversation deeper and like learn more about it and understand everything I can. So can we kick off for someone who's never heard of human design or maybe they know a little bit but they wanna understand it better, how would you explain it to them, um, in a way that makes it feel approachable?
Hillary:Yeah. And that's the most important thing. We really, whenever we learn these types of modalities or um, ways to deepen our understanding of ourselves, I think the more that we can just make it practical and approachable is important. And so what I love about human design and is exactly how your experience was with it. It is this big, fat permission slip of understanding who you are, what you are here for, how to make that happen. Because a lot of us are so confused and lost and frustrated of like, why is things not flowing for me? You know, we can look around and wonder why it works for other people, or why doesn't it feel good for me? And we all have our own energetic blueprint, and really what human design says, it's like, this is how you use your energy. Um, and we're all really different. I had a similar experience where I, I found out about my chart, I found out about my design and what, for me, it realized how unaligned I was living. So a lot of people, they can either. Learn it and realize how unaligned they're living. And really, we already know. Your body's already telling you, I was already chronically stressed and you know, lost my period and wanted to quit my job. All these things. But I was telling myself, no, I, if I just try harder, if I just do more, and this is a time when I was working as a lawyer. And then I learned about my human design and it made me realize, okay, it's not that I'm wrong, it's what I'm forcing and what I'm trying to, to do is wrong for me. And understanding my chart was like, okay, this is how my energy works. This is the gifts that I'm here to give. These are the things that I care about. This is my life's mission or purpose. And I remember when I looked at your chart and your incarnation cross, which is your life theme, is vessel of love. And I just couldn't get over it. I, you know, I love when I, I open up someone's chart and they're just. So you, they're doing exactly their thing. And see, I think it's a very human experience and trait that we can even doubt ourselves, even if we're on the doing the thing that we feel good doing. There's always gonna be those moments where we're like, oh, am I making the right decision? Especially when you're just stepping out of your comfort zone. There will always be doubt, there'll always be that little inner critic voice that is, you know, trying to keep you safe. Your subconsciousness is trying to keep you safe. And so what human design can do is that you can see yourself clearly. I like to see it as like your blueprint of your highest self, that when you forget it can just reflect back to you who you truly are. And for you, your experience in where you are in life was like, okay, I'm on the right track. Let's keep going. And by having that awareness and that understanding, it's just gonna affect your behavior. You know, if you have that. That like permission slip of, okay, keep going and keep trusting for you, your gut as a generator and give to your community as a two, four, what naturally comes to you in this realm of love and like helping people understand that they are love and that, you know, this natural ramification when you come from that high wealth, high self-worth place. Um, yeah, you can keep moving, but, and my example was of like realizing how unaligned I was and how I could start from there and start shifting and changing, and then I started to, you know, make decisions based on that.
Mimi:Mm. So interesting. And I definitely want to go deeper into your journey, but what, okay. When I look at human design, I see these charts and they're like very intense. There's lines everywhere, there's numbers everywhere. So like, literally, what is it? And okay. Where does it even come from? Like mm-hmm. How do, yeah. How do we dumb it down?
Hillary:Yeah. So
Mimi:understand
Hillary:there's different ways you can go. I can explain it either the very spiritual Wu way or the more scientific way. I'll go a little bit of both. Where, um, it's a combination of ancient wisdoms, including the Kabbalah, the itching, the tree of life, the chakra system, astrology, um. And it's all basically, I like to think it's taken the best of all worlds into one blueprint. So what it measures is the energy that you were born in. So if you have a look at your chart, and we can put a link below of like getting your free chart. You're gonna have red bits, black bits, lots of different shapes and colors and formations. And what it's basically showing you is the energy that you came in, in order to be the person that you're here to be and the um, what you're here to do. So the idea in the scientific terms, and this is what scientists are starting to more and more discover, is what's called neutrinos. And neutrinos is basically data or intelligence that's in energy. And we even can think, and really again to dumb it down, like wifi, we wouldn't be able to understand how like information is being collected or being transferred through wifi. We can't see it. So we assume if we can't see it, then it's not. It doesn't exist, but then we see that it works. So it's a similar idea around that is that you came in with this energy to be the person that you're here to be, to do the things you're here to do. Because really nothing is by accident. You're not by coincidence, nothing's random. All ancient wisdoms talk about this, that you, you came here as a sense of purpose and you are your purpose. And so we're gonna have things that we're here to correct. We have things that, you know, lots of different wisdoms call it the, your karma, your tycoon, what you're here to evolve through. And we see it because life will reflect that back to us, either through a person or through situations where we are being asked to learn something or we are being asked to uplevel into something. So the whole point of us being here is not just to have the good business or the perfect relationship and all the things. It's who you evolve and grow as a person. So human design is showing you that this is your highest self. This is who you truly are for when we forget, because psychology talks about how we are conditioned, and I'm sure your audience know, knows about this, about how we can be conditioned from when we're kids all the way up till now, where we are just receiving messaging and belief systems that can then create our life and the stories that we run our lives by. And so human design says, this is who you actually are. So anyway, long story short, A um, his name was Ra, who he channeled it. He doesn't call it channeling, he called it a chi. He received a transmission in the eighties and just dedicated the rest of his life. Developing the system. Um, and look, I am the biggest skeptic known to mankind. I am such a skeptic. I, when I came across this, I was like, this is such a crock of shit. I used to turn my nose up at every spiritual thing. I had a very spiritual auntie. I thought she was the weirdest woman ever. Oh my God. I had so much shame when I discovered this. I was like so spiritually in the closet being like, this is so embarrassing. I, I even like, broke up with my partner at the time and moved overseas and like went on this big spiritual journey and I was so embarrassed if anyone in my hometown knew about it. And what I couldn't deny is how much it helped me. I couldn't deny how much I see it help thousands and, you know, so many people afterwards. And so, yeah, I kind of just like can't explain where it comes from, can't explain how, how well it can just like dissect you as a person. And I just like take it for what it is of, it's a way that it can really help and can really empower you.
Mimi:That's so interesting. And I think, you know, for all the skeptics, it's when you say you can't really explain it, but it's one of those things where when there's so much undeniable evidence Yeah. That understanding your chart and your human design, and then when you apply that to your life, the results that you create are, you know, remarkable. So it's very interesting, and I love what you said about how it's, it's about the energy. You said you were born with a certain energy, you're meant to step into like a mm-hmm. And. I almost feel you said earlier, like that's a huge permission slip. It feels really validating because we are born into such a society where we feel like we need to blend in and we need to fit in and we need to have the same, I don't know, like achievements as other people. We have all these expectations that are just shoved onto us by parents and society, et cetera. And I think a lot of people can feel so isolated within themselves if they feel like they don't fit in or they feel like they're not doing what is expected of them because it feels so, you know, wrong and misaligned and that can cause a lot of unhappiness for people. So thank you for sharing that. And I'm curious, can you go into a little bit more about what was like, was there a rock bottom or a moment? I mean, you just said you like moved overseas and stuff, but that a real, like a real curiosity that pulled you into human design and what was going on at that time in your life.
Hillary:Yes. And before I do that, I wanted to touch on what you were just saying because it's so important is that we then cultivate this sense of self shame or that we're doing something wrong. And when we realize that, you know, it's not, it's not that we're failing ourselves, it's more that like our conditioned beliefs are failing us. And so we're seeing it. People, especially now, it's like this collective waking up and this collective, especially after covid of just being, you know, like, I'm not willing to sacrifice my life anymore. I'm not willing to, you know, just carry out these stories or these narratives that I inherited because it doesn't feel right for me. But as kids, we grew up learning that, well, parents. Society knows more than I do, and so then we outsource our power. So yeah, it's just a coming home.'cause you already know it. Most people, when they find their human design, they're like, oh yeah, that's right. It doesn't always feel revolutionary. Most of the time it doesn't. It shouldn't. And so like, oh, that's why I feel like that, oh, I'm not wrong. Oh, it's because this thing and then it just, it wakes you up.
Mimi:So it's like a validation.
Hillary:Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Mimi:Yeah.
Hillary:Um, so rock bottom, absolutely. I've had, I've had multiple, multiple, I can choose, choose. No. But the really big one was, yeah, when I was working as a lawyer and I started to, you know, I, I finished my studies and at the time, like I loved the university aspect of it. I, I'm a one line in human design, which means I love to learn for the people that, you know, if you have a profile, one in your, in your chart, you love to learn, you love to get to the bottom of things. So I love that process. But then once I actually got into the line of work, a couple of years in, it just started to drain my soul, drain all the life force energy out of me. And I started to have panic attacks. I felt like I was wearing this mask and I felt like I had this identity that I had to like almost. Brace up for the day when I would wake up and it was almost like me. I had to like fight against the world. And it got to a point where almost as I said, my health and everything just got to a big rock bottom and I would just be so emotional at the drop of the hat. I still remember I was at a family wedding and my uncle just asked me, how are you? And I just started hysterically crying and he's not even that close of an uncle. I just said, I'm not good. And I just, it was in that moment I realized that something needed to change. And so this is where I started to get curious. And actually podcast was a big thing for me where I started to look for answers because I would look around and everyone was just doing what I was doing. So I felt like, why am, why is this doesn't feel okay for me? And so the rock bottom really was a panic attack as well, um, at the law firm. And I just sprinted to the bathroom and was hyperventilating. And I'm not someone that had had a panic attack before. Um. So that was when I started to discover human design. So if you are ever in a rock bottom or if you're ever in again, we are all gonna have many in our life. It's just, it's not if you have a dark night of the soul, it's when, um, because so much good comes from it. So much good change, so much ever evolution and life will always present you with clues or things to help you. And when we just have to be open to it, whether it's often like that person that comes into our life or that idea or that mindset shift or that, you know, that modality, whatever the thing. So when we're open to it, you know, most people that have had a big change or transformation in their life have had that rock bottom. So that was one of them for me. Mm-hmm. Um, and then, yeah, it inspired me to move overseas. I quit my job. I broke up with my partner at the time, who I'm now with now. We reconnected later. Oh
Mimi:wow.
Hillary:Yeah. Um. And yeah, I lived overseas for five or six years and it was actually scary for me to come back to Australia because I felt like I'd changed so much and I didn't know how I would be to come back to this, like, to my home environment. Uh, but I felt called to come back and then
Mimi:Mm. Where did you
Hillary:live? I was living in Berlin for two years. I lived in Spain for a year. I lived in Mexico, Costa Rica. Oh my gosh. And it all during, all locked, like, it was during all the Covid, um, at the end there. So that's when I went to South America.
Mimi:Yeah. Mm-hmm. Huge. Oh my gosh. Okay, so. You have this huge breakdown. Mm-hmm. You're literally at work having a panic attack in the bathroom. Yeah. Mm-hmm. A very strong sign that there is some serious shit out of alignment here. Yeah. Like something's not right. And so was it really then discovering human design that was the catalyst for you to have this dark night of the soul and like, quit your job, move overseas, end your relationship. Or was it like, was that the catalyst or was it a part of the journey?
Hillary:Um, it was part, so the other part was just real. It helped me see myself clearly. So what I realized was that I was just living on autopilot and I was doing what I thought I wanted, but it was nothing what I wanted. I was just doing what I thought other people wanted from me. So human design helped me connect to my intuition. So I was like, oh, is that even a possibility? I didn't even know that that was honestly a thing. Like I. I had never even thought about, you know, honestly, at that time I didn't really hear people talking about a gut or it wasn't in my, in my world. And so even just this understanding of, oh, okay, so I have this internal navigating system that is telling me and showing me right now through its awareness, through its nudges, through its constriction right now through the panic attacks, that something is off. And what I started to do was doing the self-inquiry of like, how did I get here? Where did, where did it, where did it all go wrong? Basically what, who am I trying to make proud? What am I trying to prove? And it was this moment where it was like my whole identity was unraveling. So I honestly, with the partner, with my partner at the time, I didn't believe he would love this person that I was changing or like who I was coming into, right? So again, it was a fear of like, I need to push you away because you're not gonna like this person that I'm becoming. This is how shameful I was. But I knew deep down that I needed to. Needed to connect with myself. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to, in that period of time. Like that was where I was at in the current environment. I was, so, I did a lot of inner child, inner child work, a lot of subconscious work, a lot of shadow work. Um, and it was all just like, I just worked it out myself. I would just constantly pick up all these tools as I would go again, I would find it through podcasts and then I would like go and do like a little course on that or a little thing on that. I just really, and first time I saw a therapist, um, so I just let myself, like, as I went, it was like, you know how they say the onion layer, the peeling back. So every time I would see something and I would notice my body respond and this feeling like I needed to validate or prove or have shame, I would just get curious then. And then you just start to unravel. I remember I took about a week of, it was, it was just, it took a sick leave. It was stress leave. Um, and I just looked myself in. Apartment at the Gold Coast, and I just did all this work for a week straight. I would just come out and go for a walk in the morning and I would come in and it was full on. It was like a boot camp. I put myself on. I know, again, I had no idea what I was doing, but it worked. Like it started to work. When I got back, I quit. Um, and I think the whole time, all of it, I was scared. Whole time. I was scared. I was scared. When I quit my job, I was scared. When I went overseas, I was scared when I, you know, started my business, I was scared when I studied the things that I was studying, but each way I just was like, okay, next step, next step, next step.
Mm-hmm. And had
Hillary:no idea what I was doing. It was just walking into the unknown a
Mimi:hundred percent. I feel like that's how the journeys that are the most aligned always unfold. I know it's been that way for me too. It's, it's, your intuition is so powerful and when you just listen to those little nudges that it's giving you and you have like an inkling of like, okay, I think I should go in this direction. I think I should do this thing. And if you just allow yourself to take the first step. Then the next step will reveal itself. And the next one. And the next one. And that's, I'm glad you said that, that you were afraid the whole time because I think people, there are people listening who have something they want to do, whether it's they wanna start a business, they wanna leave their relationship, they wanna move overseas, but they, and they see other people doing it, and they might think like, oh, it's easy for them to do it. They're just so confident. Or they just have this natural talent. And it's like 100%, there is fear for every human. Like unless you are a psychopath and you don't experience emotions, everyone is afraid to take these steps outside their comfort zone. But the, the life that you are seeking, it really is through on the other side of that discomfort, the way the alignment is wanting you to go. And I think the more that we suppress that intuitive nudge. The more toxic our life becomes and the more suffering we all experience. Absolutely. Right? Yeah,
absolutely.
Hillary:And I think even with this, it's like, because when we desire more, I think if I, you know, the life will send us these challenges or these discomforts or fearful situations because we say that we want more. For example, if I said, no, I'm, I'm okay with being in this law firm for the next. 60 years, whatever, 50 years, and I'll stay in this exact type of relationship. And or even if you said like, okay, um, it's okay if I don't meet my soulmate for another 10 years, or it's okay that I don't make any money for another 20 years. If, if you say that you won't get fear, you won't, like, you'll just stay in the same place. But when you desire more, there's gonna be like these initiations you need to move through. There's gonna be some form of fear. You're stepping outside of your, your zone of norm normal. And so when we just. As you said, like it's so important to know because I think we see people and we think that, oh, it was just, it happened overnight. Oh, it must have been so easy for them. And it actually really grinds my gears when I hear someone say that. When I hear being like, if it doesn't take off instantly, then it's wrong for you. And I remember that used to be something really hard for me. There was a mentor, there was a woman that I really looked up to in the human design space and she said, oh, the second I decided to do human design readings, it took off. I had a wait list for a year and a half and I have five readings a day. And I would compare that and think, well, am this not the right thing for me? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's like you, you gotta create the foundations. You have to have a nervous system to hold the things you wanna hold and you gotta be like you, you're growing to become that person. So yeah, if anyone that's feeling like I'm afraid or I have doubts, good. That's the whole point. This is your expansion. Yeah, it's, it's what happens.
Mimi:Yeah. It's so true. I love that you said that. And it's. Yeah, the fear, the doubts, the, you know it. And it's almost like as well, when you, when you feel, okay, this is what I'm meant to be doing, this is the, this is what feels aligns. And I remember feeling that when I first got into coaching. Yeah. It's like, yeah, as you said, just because you feel that it doesn't mean there's gonna be, not gonna be tests and hurdles and challenges you have to overcome. And I almost feel that like the universe will send you those challenges because in a way, or my experience of it, it's always been like, how badly do you want this? Like, are you gonna prove to yourself that you are this person who can hold this and who wants this? And for me personally, there's just like never been a backup plan. Yeah. Since I've really felt in alignment, I was like, this is it. Yeah. Like there is no plan B, like to this day I can't see myself doing anything else. Mm-hmm. And. Just on that last night, I was, um, I'm currently reading Let Them by Mel Robbins. Yes.
Hillary:Um, my mom loves this. She goes, yes, my mom is not into stagnant nothing like this, that she, you know, she supports me. And just recently she, she was telling me a situation. She goes, but Hilary, I said, let them Yes mom, let them Hillary and let them,
Mimi:I love when your parents who like aren't interpersonal development, start getting into it and they like, share one little thing and you're like,
go now. Yes.
Mimi:So good. Um, I'm really enjoying this book. And no was talking about when she wanted to get in, uh, she wanted to advance her speaking career and get into public speaking and she was talking about how there was a chap, it was a chapter on comparison and how when we see someone else doing something that we want and if it really activates you and makes you, there's a lot of anger or jealousy or, um. Yeah, those emotions coming up for you, it's a sign that that's something you want and you're actually angry at yourself for not having taken the steps sooner to do it because you actually know deep down you are capable of doing it. Mm-hmm. And she was saying that, she said like 1000%, the secret to her success and to getting to where she's today literally comes down to consistency, determination, and was it persistence? Anyway, those three things, and basically talking about how it's the mundane sort of everyday things that you've gotta just keep doing and keep grinding out that eventually lead to this overnight success, right? It's like posting every day on Instagram or showing up to record that podcast every week in the moment you might think, fuck. Like, when am I gonna make it big? Or is this really what it's meant to feel like? But. You do that consistently for a few years and then all of a sudden that momentum and success is gonna compound. And I think there's just so many people that don't stick it out because as you said, they think that it's meant to just happen overnight and it couldn't be further from the truth,
Hillary:couldn't be further, it couldn't.
Mimi:So all just thank you for sharing that.
Hillary:Yeah. And even with what you were sharing with in the, the piece about like seeing someone else's light, it's basically showing your subconscious that it's possible for you and will only be envious of something where. There's a desire within it. You, it's like their light turned on your light and it's activated something in you. So I have the, I think exactly the same. So when I see that, I'm like, Ooh, there's something that I wanna do. In that realm, it's not about taking from them. It's never about like, I need to take that energy from them. It's that it's showing you that it's possible and you have your own light to share with that. So it's like expanding, you know, that's what that term of expanders and, um, yeah, I, I couldn't agree more about just like, showing up consistently, but also just from such a place of devotion. I see it as devotion of, I just feel so devoted. It's like, it's, what else would I wanna spend my time doing? Like, it's so exciting and it's so fun. Make it like, make it as this devotional practice rather than, oh, I have to do that thing. Oh, I show. Like, that's part of it. You gotta, if you don't, you know, it's not, it's not something that you're a victim to.
Mimi:That's such an interesting point. How do you shift if you ever catch yourself in that sort of victim mentality of like, Ugh, I've gotta sit down and record another podcast. How do you pivot yourself from victim to devotion to get yourself back into a place that feels good and it's gonna put the right energy behind you to do the things you need to do?
Hillary:Yeah, firstly, I always have to get into good energy before I do anything because I know that I will just literally spread shitty energy through a podcast or through a post because of the energy that I'm in. So I think firstly, you gotta be doing something you love. You gotta be doing something you're passionate about. Like that's, that's, and this is what human design says, and it helps you connect with that. So it has to, like, firstly, we have to have the foundation of like, what's the thing that gets you going? What's the thing that energy is moving through? Because again, that's not by accident, that's not random. And so once you're, you have that, then I would say you're gonna have days where you don't wanna show up. There's days where I don't wanna show up. Absolutely. And like, I'm a projector, so I have very tired days. I can have days where I don't have the energy, but what I do is that I channel a higher energy. So I always say like, okay, I'm gonna be in this position. Like, use me as your, as your vessel, like channeling and energy through you that it's more than you. So, um, and what does that look like? Yeah. How would you do that? So I would, I, I love to, well, I meditate in the morning, but at the same time, I actually find it more effective to go on a walk in the morning. I know you love your walks in the morning. I do, honestly. My love of walks in the morning is just, it's a bit embarrassing. My partner was like, I wish I could one day find something that you get as much joy. I get as much joy out of as you do with your walks,
Mimi:but I just like have a I know, don't you agree? Oh, it's the best. It's the best. I get so much joy from it. Like those morning trots. Mm-hmm. I mean, bar this morning, this morning was a weird one'cause the weather was gross, but, so yeah. I'm with you. I'm with you. So it
Hillary:is just like my, like connection to self and connection to universe. So I just. I get into a good head space, and what I find is that just showing up. So I will just show up to the reading, I'll show up to the, the, like the teaching session, or I'll show up to the podcast and channel a better energy. So what I'll say is just like, I'll literally, as I'm signing on and I did it before this, whatever is needed to be said, let it use me as your vessel. Just channel through me, because it's not me anyway. It's not, it's just like, let it just move through you. If I really don't feel like it, for example, a podcast, I'm not, I won't record it, I'll just do it another day. Um, but things like a session and, and if people are counting on me. I don't need to feel great. It's not, I don't need to, I can just show up, but I can do the things that help me. So, meditation, eating well, uh, morning, swim, shower, all these things like we're never a victim to anything. We just get stuck in our shitty moods. And I used to really get stuck in my shitty mood. I'm like, I'm not available for that. Next, next, I'm wearing this out. I might dance. I might put a song on and dance. So I feel like the more that you can just see that you are the creator and you have the choice, and you can always just come back.
Mimi:I love that. I do a similar thing at the beginning of all of my coaching sessions. Um, I, I'm obsessed with incense and it's become a bit of an anchor for me. So every time I'm doing a client call or even a podcast, um, anything where I'm giving of myself, I always light it and I say little mantra as I'm lighting the incense and it's, it's not scripted, but it's always something similar. Yeah. And one of the parts of it is I am connecting to my higher self, to the universe, to my spirit guides. And I sort of say, allow me to be a vessel for you to flow through, because I agree. It's like you're put on this earth to do something. There is a message you're meant to show up for. And I do believe it's kind of, it's being guided, it's coming through a higher place. So I do that as well. Just try to open myself to it and just trust that whatever is meant to flow through will flow through. There's so many, so much evidence that you're meant to be in this seat doing this. So like, and then I always find once you get into it, it's great. That feeling goes away and it feels great. And then you come off the call you and you're like buzzing. You're like buzzing. You're like, yes, I feel so good. Which I think is also,
Hillary:oh, sorry. Go on. That's the thing. It's like when you are in your that zone, exactly how you said, it's like it will give you energy. And when we kind of as like when we take the pressure off, I actually find that some of my best readings or my best podcasts or best things is when I'm actually in a lower energy place because I'm really just channeling them. My ego, my nothing is in the way I am just really just letting it flow and letting it rip. And it's definitely, I've noticed one of the better ones almost when we're like kind of even, I don't know, it's like now I've thought that when I'm almost too or not too energetic and it's not even as good, so I just like let it be. And there's always gonna be things you get off and you can wish other things, but I just always trust that what was said was meant to be said. If it wasn't said, it wasn't meant to be said.
Mimi:Yeah. And also you can't control how that's gonna land with other people. Or you might say something and not think anything of it, but to the person receiving it, it could be the sentence they needed to hear to like shift their entire day. I, um, recorded a podcast the other week on breakups and Heartbreak and I sat down to record it and I was in like a bit of a funk and in a bit of a somber mood. And I was like, this weirdly kind of matches the mood of the, of the topic. But I recorded the episode, it was fully just like intuitively guided. And I remember coming off thinking, I don't think that was that good. Like, I feel like I didn't do that justice anyway. And then the next week I signed a new beautiful one-on-one client and she said to me,'cause she's going through a breakup, and she's like, I have listened to that episode every day for the last 10 days. And I was like, oh my God. You know? And she's like, it gave me so much comfort. So that was a, just the, the reminder that like. You just show up. You do what's in alignment and trust that it will land, how it's meant to land. So huge. Um, okay. I wanna pivot into sort of talking about self-worth and identity because I really do wanna speak to the women listening to this who are struggling with. Really overgiving in their life or in relationships who are self abandoning, um, and just not feeling good enough in their life and in relationships. So for that person, how can human design help them to start to like rewrite their story and start to change their relationship with themselves?
Hillary:That's a big question. No, it's a good question. Um, so I can, I can share how it has helped me specifically. There's different aspects within your chart where you definitely have, some people do have this like journey here where they are about coming back to self-love and to self understanding, and I used to hate the word self-love. I just like hated it. I think I, I was so far removed from that. I've had like a very tumultuous relationship with self, especially through my teens and early twenties. And what I found that human design helps with is that you have a hundred percent self-acceptance through understanding your design. The thing that you see, you're like you, you almost have this reflection back to you. So you see yourself clearly. And when you do that you can also, yeah, you see your shadows, you see the things you maybe can hold you up, but it fosters this full self-acceptance. And what I found that when I accepted myself, it was then that there was less judgment, there was less. Feeling of lack. There was less feeling of I needed to yes, overgive or prove myself, and it showed me, and like that then developed into a sense of love. So from acceptance, I then got a lot of understanding for myself. And then that led to love because before it was just so much of this ridicule and I was so believing that voice that was saying that I was not enough and. In human design speak, you have, if you have your chart, a lot, a lot, lot, a lot of people have an undefined heart. Let me see your chart. If you have an undefined heart, yeah, you have an un If you have a fully open heart. So it makes so much sense that you are coaching people on this. And then why, why, why? Because we check, we, we, um, transform my paint to purpose. So you have gone through a big experience of outsourcing, sense of self-worth or feeling, um, that you did need to prove yourself or that you had to morph yourself and you've come out the other side. I often think where we are open or where we are undefined in our chart is our biggest life. Learnings like your soul chose to l need to learn that in this lifetime. How do we learn? True unconditional love. We have to have an experience of conditional love. We have to have an experience of not feeling enough, not feeling, um, worthy. And so in that, you have, like, you cultivate that for yourself and that will be a big journey in your lifetime. And where we have moved through a big life experience, we become a teacher in, especially you as a generator. Like you, you become excited and um, uh, a teacher in that space. When you are, you feel passionate about it. So a lot of people, like honestly, most people have, have a open or undefined. And I really believe that is where we have this self-worth problem in society. And so what it helped me understand was, okay, that voice is gonna be there, that voice can show up, but firstly, choosing not to believe it and also not to create behavior around it, like to then, you know, follow and react to that. The voice of
Mimi:criticism.
Hillary:Yeah. That voice of criticism, that voice of I need to prove myself, that voice of, uh, any form that you need to prove that you are lovable. Prove that you are desirable. Um, and I think, and I know because this is your bread and butter, it's like when we are in relationships or we're dating, it is the ultimate mirror of where we need healing. And so all our shit comes up when we're dating, especially like, God. Oh my, I was like, I thought I'm evolved past this when I was, oh my gosh. And it's like, that's what, that's what humans are for. That's what these relationships are for. And you are basically picking that person to show you that thing. And I see it so much when I do relationship readings within the human design, what one person has, the other person doesn't have, like in an energy wise. So it's so much about opposites attract or this like chemistry that happens with that. And this is where we almost mirror each other. And so I digress. But when it comes to self-worth and, uh, self-worth, and coming back to that knowing of self, I've always just found that it comes from self understanding.
And so when
Hillary:you realize that you're actually not lacking anything, when you realize that you have everything you need, and there's all different aspects that can show you that, you start to not so much focus on the, the I don't have, and you focus more on what you like, what you're here, like who you genuinely are. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mimi:Yeah. I love that. So powerful. The, I think a lot of women have a similar relationship to the concept of self-love because it can feel so far from where they actually are, that it can feel like this really just fluffy. Thing that's out of reach and how do I even do that? Like I, I'm so far away from self-love that like, I just can't even wrap my head around it. And so I'm glad that you brought in the concepts of self, like understanding and then self-acceptance and how that leads to love. Mm-hmm. And that's something that I talk about with my clients as well is around, if we look at it from a relationship standpoint, if your partner is like, let's say they're coming at you really aggressively, they're angry, they're reacting a lot. And if you don't have a true understanding of why that's happening and where that's coming from. You are, you are only gonna continue to grow further and further apart because you're taking that behavior at face value and taking it personally. But if you can put your ego aside and endeavor to understand like what is the pain behind the fear that's coming through here? What have you been through, what have you experienced that is causing you to show up in this way? Then maybe I can have, uh, more compassion and empathy for your experience, which can, you know, lower the, the fuse and help us to just come to a place of understanding one another and then acceptance and then that evolves into, into a deeper love, like with others and with self. So. That's so beautiful. And how did that, if you, if you're open to sharing, how did that come up in your relationship? Because you said you left your partner and you're now back together.
Mm-hmm.
Mimi:What shifted and evolved for you in that time apart and then like how did you guys come back together and what was different and,
Hillary:yeah. Uh, okay. So what happened was, I, for most of my twenties, I definitely felt like I was in this identity that I felt like other people wanted from me. And so it got to about, I think I was 26 or 27, and I had this moment of realizing that and had this moment of, wait, this isn't me. This isn't actually who I am. And so I had it while I was with this, my partner with my boyfriend at the time, and there was this moment of. Not actually understanding what was mine, what was anyone else's, this feeling of like such unlovability, I come, you know, I have a past of eating disorders, like bullying. Um, never feeling really like I ever let people in. I always felt this fear of betrayal or fear of like, if anyone, God forbid, they actually knew who I was, they would run the other way. And so I always felt like I was just constantly like morphing myself to whatever that person needed from me. And. I realized, I realized, and so I didn't have the awareness or the understanding while I was in the relationship. He loved me so much and I loved him so much. And, but it was like, but is this like, does he love the i, the, the, this fake identity of me, or is it actually me? And I didn't know. And so I, I just, I, like, I left the country basically. And looking back, I definitely, he was so beautiful about it. He was like, I love you enough to let you leave, like to let you go. Um, and we didn't speak for a couple of years and he was always really supportive. But we broke, like we broke each other's hearts. He went on his own journey. He went on his own, like, he then went and created a business. He moved to where we both live now. He moved, um, cities. He went on his whole transformation on his own. And then I did the same. I knew deep down, I knew that we had to do it separately and. I knew as well that we couldn't continue our relationship. How? It was not like anything was wrong. It was more a thing of like, I can't keep living like this. I can't keep pretending. But I was never really pretending with him. It was pretending with my life, like I was partying, I was doing this law thing, I was with friends that maybe I didn't really actually connect with. So it was almost like I kind of had to like plot myself out of my life. And I have what's called the gate of extremes in my chart, so it can be a bit extreme.
Ooh.
Hillary:And sounds laughing if I have to. Let's see If you have a, you actually will have it if you have that. Yeah, you have it as well. You vessel. It's in your subconscious though. Like you either go all in or you're all out. Okay. And for me that looked like moving overseas. And so, yeah, we didn't speak for a couple of years and then I came back and we reconnected. He reached out and we always wished each other the best. And when I met him, it was like we just re-met as two different people. I had nothing to like, I was who I was. I felt like I was who, like I felt like myself. Again, it couldn't put that into words. It was just a feeling. And he had gone through his whole thing and then we just reconnected and started dating as though we were like dating from day one. Obviously we were very, um, you kind of fell back into, uh, like there was that familiarity there and like a safe place. He was always like my safe place and yeah, he never like, gave up on me. And so it was like, it was just a nice like returning. Um, but I had to earn back his trust, uh, because I was basically a flight risk. Um. Uh, I was in a position now where I actually could be in a relationship. Properly before I was like, again, trying to be something I'm not.
And you'll never
Hillary:connect properly with people. And you're like that. It's like you're both our masks were like falling in love. But you know, and at the end of the day as well, he even said to me, he was like, all these things you thought you're hiding from me. Like I knew. I knew you were. He's like, never hide all those things.'cause I would, I tell, I'd tell'em, oh, I used to do all this and I was hiding this from you, blah, blah, blah. It's like, Hillary, I knew you were like, I knew you were like spiritual. I knew you were you, you always. And I actually remember when I was overseas, I started, and this was a very scary, scary thing for me to do, was when I started my business Instagram page again, how I said I was so shameful and so embarrassed of it all and I blocked every single person from my hometown. Like I reckon I had 500 people blocked on that. Even people that wouldn't, oh my god, people wouldn't have given two shits at all. But I was like, that was what made me feel safe. So that's what I had to do. And anyway, I remember I got to the point where I was like, okay, I'm gonna slowly unblock people just for me, like to know that I didn't need to be scared of that anymore. Like it was um, uh, like a self reclamation piece. Anyway, he was one of the people unblocked and just straight away he sent me a message,'cause I must have popped up in the suggested. And he was like, I'm so proud of you. You always made me question my happiness and like what I wanted to do. And I remember that was like such a wink from the universe of like, you're good. Keep going. Even the person that I was so ashamed of if he ever saw it, um, yeah. And so he accepted you. Yeah.
Mimi:Wow. Thank you for sharing that. That is such a beautiful story and I feel like with that, it just goes to show that the right love, like is so resilient and the right love will always come back to you. And I know that for a lot of, um, the women I work with who struggle with anxious attachment, there is such that need to feel like you have to hold on and you have to control and emotionally manipulate just to get that person to stay and to maintain that connection. And it's, you know, it's, it. It's never gonna work like that because when you're coming at it from such an energy of like fear and scarcity and lack, you will continue to just be activated and reflected back what's not whole within you. Yeah. So I think your story is so brave. Like the fact that you were able to walk away from someone who you loved so much and you know, you knew you had to go and do this thing for yourself, and the fact that it came back together and you're together now is like, you know, more of who you really are is so, so beautiful. Um, can you talk a little bit about, so there are different energy types in human design. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So what are they, and I guess because some people listening might know what their human design is like, I know I'm a generator, but I don't know much too much about it. So with each one. How should each person in that energy type, like what's one thing they should know that would help them to show up as like a more authentic version of themselves in their life and maybe in relationships as well. Cool.
Hillary:Yeah. Do you wanna, would it be best as like in a dating relationship context or just general life? Ooh, I could It better both.
Mimi:I mean, I guess, oh, good question. Why don't we go with. Themselves first. Mm-hmm. To understand the self. Mm-hmm. And then if we have space, we can go into the relationship. Okay. But let's, yeah, let's focus on like understanding. I can really
Hillary:do it quick. I can do it quick.
Mimi:Okay.
Hillary:So generator. So what you are Mimi, gut instinct. Your gut is constantly showing you where to go and what, like, which direction to go in. And so when it comes to relationships or within, um, dating, really trusting your gut intuition around things, it's gonna be where you feel a surge of energy, of like, you know, feeling, um, expanded by the potential of who you are in that relationship and who like the energy that it brings out in you. And not like this is a full self-responsible aspect, but it's also about seeing that, you know. Any time that you try and force or do things that don't feel in alignment with you, it will just suck the energy dry out of a generator, whether it's a job, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a friendship, and it's just being curious where your energy does feel quite drained in a situation or with a person. And again, it's not got nothing to do with them. It might be that you are people pleasing in that relationship. So that's what's sucking you dry. It's about getting really curious of what is the exact, um. Aspect of how you're using your energy that is, you know, making that you don't wanna like show up for it or don't wanna show up for yourself. So, okay. The most important thing as a generator, you are responding to the world from your gut. But a lot of generators are overthinking with their mind and then wondering why they feel frustrated and lost. When you realize that gut response and it's about creating that connection with that, it's there. Sometimes we just don't listen to it or our mind overshadows it or is really manipulative and, uh, persuasive. So when it comes in the dating, you really need to remember as well that I. Your energy, like what you bring to the, to the dynamic or the relationship is important. If you are coming in constantly frustrated, if you are like in this like shitty place, it's so important for you to make sure that you are feeling good and that's gonna come from your life decisions and way how you're using your energy, as I said, because it deeply affects other people. Like a generator could shift the energy of a room real quick.
Mimi:Okay, so make sure I'm very in alignment with my life. How I'm feeling about myself, what I'm doing. Yeah. Like that's very, very important to affect the health of a, a romantic relationship. Absolutely.
Hillary:Absolutely. And it's for you, like at the end of the day, do it for you. It's, yeah, they, they get a bonus by it, but do it for you. Like you are here to be this satis the satisfaction, this life satisfaction that comes from a generator when they're in their flow, doing what they love, what brings them joy. And I know that that's a bit Pollyanna when we hear that, but it's, it's more than that. It's really seeing that when the challenges happen, as you said Mimi, like we're always gonna get challenges. And especially when you are expanding and growing and doing things that are like pushing the envelope, you will get challenges. Like the most successful people get, the craziest challenges they get. You know, whether it is. Something embarrassing is on a newspaper or whether they get a lawsuit or whether they, it's not like these people that are really successful, they have no challenges. No, they actually have the biggest challenges, but they get through them because it's, it's meeting you at your level. So when you have a challenge, but you get through in them in a way that feels satisfying, like you've moved through them and it's, it's moving towards a goal that feels satisfying. You don't want just challenges in the shitty place that, uh, there's no reward from it. That's where we can start making decisions for you to. Shift your, where your energy's going, your priorities. Uh, okay. So manifest. Fascinating.
Mimi:Okay. Yep. So that's generator. What's next? Generator
Hillary:manifesting generator. You also have this really strong gut instinct, but it's gonna shift and change a lot. So a lot of manifesting generators have lots of different hobbies, lots of different interests. They have things that don't go together, but they can often judge themselves for being really flaky and really inconsistent. But they need to see that they're kind of like, they bring the best of all worlds and they bring it together in a way that we won't understand until they do it. So an MG in a relationship or in dating, they need life, excitement, adventure, constantly meeting and getting to know each other. So if you are an MG, it's like being with someone again that you feel like a gut, a gut excitement around. And this is very different to the trauma bonding. Mm-hmm. This is very different to, um, that anxious feeling. No, we're not talking anxious. We are talking about this, you know, this like. My energy is uplifted by being with this person, you know, and in from a sustainable place. From a, from a nourishing place. Not this like I got the butterflies and like no, there's not about like feeling safe at the same time. Yeah, feeling safe. You're just feeling like I like the person that I am with this person. Gotcha. You know, I think sometimes we fall in love with people because we think it's them. No, half the time it's because as well, obviously, but also it's because you like who you are in that dynamic. You like what? It brings it out on you. We can, this is so what people think. It's like that person gave me love. No you are love and that person mirrored back what you already are. That person like helped you. My god. That energy
Mimi:that's actually giving me goosebumps. I've never heard someone. Say that or explain it in that way.
Yeah.
Mimi:That it's not so much about like you love that person, but it's about the love they bring out in you and how ignite you deal with that person.
Mm-hmm.
Hillary:Shivers. And that's important to remember if you're in a breakup, you know, if you're in a breakup and you think that person was the reason I felt like that they loved me or I loved them, no. Like they ignited the love that's already within you. You can, I like you can get that right now that's, that's available to you right now. It's just, we almost like become more loving in a relationship in the sense that like, it invites it out more for us. Or even like with your pet or your sister or your relationship you like so true. You feel it moved through you, but it's you. It's your emotion, it's your feeling, it's your truth, it's your energy. You are love. And it's just been like reflected and ignited because of this external stimulus. Like that person is a neutral stimulus. So just
Mimi:quickly on that then. Yeah. What would you say to someone who's going through a breakup and the person they were going through that they were with, didn't treat them well? Mm-hmm. Like broke up with'em in a really horrible way. Um, and it's causing the person to feel like they were not good enough for that person who hurt them and who left. Like, what would you say to them? They're not good enough.
Hillary:Attracted that person in the first place. So that person, say that again.
Mimi:Their
Hillary:feelings of feeling not good enough attracted that person in the first place.
Mimi:Mm-hmm.
Hillary:So we have to remember that people are always teaching us or showing us, we attract these people as exact little remembrances. And look, I've had, I've had plenty, I've had plenty of them. What I started to notice was, wow, I, right from the get go was in a maybe low self-worth place. I was waiting for them to respond. I was attaching to every outcome. I was in this like,'cause people feel that energy. And how I see it is that when people, like when we are connected to ourselves or connected to the universe, we're connected to light. We are not attached to any outcome. Like the universe is not attached to any outcome. And this is so happening on such an energetic level where when we have these dynamics or these things where people are treating us shit or people aren't like there's poor behavior, we really have to say like, okay, firstly, why am I in this relationship? Like, why am I even here? But secondly, what part of me, and I know this is hard, but what part of me attracted this? We have to take such accountability for it. What part of me attracted this? And I would, I, when I was dating, especially, I remember when I was overseas in Berlin, I was a attracting like people that just didn't give a shit. Like I'd gone one day and never hear from them again. And I was like, what is happening? Like, I'm just getting ghosted, one after the other. And I was really in like a, a un, like I, there was not a time to be dating firstly, but I was in this like validation seeking place and um. I think when it's never to excuse poor behavior, but it's also about seeing like, okay, this person has shown me something. It has activated something within me often again, through a challenge of, okay, I feel like I'm not enough right now. I feel really bloody shitty. I feel like, um, undesirable. There is a reason why that was ripped away from you because you need to find that yourself. If you are getting all your validation and all your sense of desirability and all your sense of being enough by this person, again, it's like, it's just a mirror. So it's reflecting back that you, you, there was a lack there and so it has to be ripped away. It has to, like that person is doing your service. It's doing your service. Yeah. Yeah. Like they're not the, the devil. That literally person, the universe directed that person to come to reach out to you on Hinge or on Tinder to take you on the day to then ghost you. And then like, it's literally like they are directed by the universe. To, to be like, I need to show this. So when we can really see it and it's hard, it's hard to like look at it. Um, so yeah, with that, if you are really feeling like that sense of love for that person, again, it's still the same thing. It's still your love, it's just you wanted to give it to someone.
Mm-hmm. It just
Hillary:wasn't the
Mimi:right person in that moment to give it to. Absolutely. I think it just drives home that, yeah, the reality of healing and doing this work is that it's not gonna feel good. But the sooner you can sort of take those rose colored glasses off where we are attaching to this person because they're, you know, they're activating a pattern within us that feels familiar, that we've maybe carried since childhood. If we can take that, those glasses off and see it for what it is of like, yeah, what you said, what attracted me to this person? What void do I carry that I was hoping this person would fill, but deep down, I knew on some level they would never fill, because again, that's what I'm used to. And just getting really honest with yourself and then. Yeah, going through that journey. Thank you for sharing that. And it's
Hillary:also could just not be a person. Like I think sometimes we instantly feel like, okay, this person, it's I really getting on with them or, but it could have just felt, it could have been complete. And there's also that, that lesson even just needing to learn when they leave and how you respond to it. So I think in all those moments it's like, okay, where am I like fully letting go of the situation, but also not like trying to take energy from that in. What I mean by that is like, we can go down that spiral or we can go down of like stalking them on social media or whatever. And really just seeing that like that is in as a reaction to the, the lack or the low self-worth. And when we can catch ourselves, when we're in the behavior that connects with that and come back to like, no. We're good. I mean, I am like, I am love and I will connect with the person that will really appreciate that and come back to yourself. Always.
Mimi:Always. And would you say it just takes consistency?'cause I know for those, like those patterns of behavior, like if it is theto, the social media stalking and going down that rabbit hole, it can feel like such an addictive, uh, almost like coping mechanism to do. And it's, it can be very repetitive'cause it's like you feel activated. Okay, let me go to stalk social media so I can try and find answers, try and find evidence for what's actually going on. Therefore I'll be in control and I won't be blindsided. Yeah. It's like such a. It's such a powerful pattern.
Hillary:It's so, it's addictive. And what it is, is that it's similar to like, we're just taking energy for a moment. So it feels good in that moment. We're like, oh, I take it and like I get this energy hit, or I get this like dopamine hit, or I get this like weird satisfaction or whatever. Um, we get it for a moment. Like we get this access to energy really quickly, but then we feel shitty after, or then we stay in the same cycle with it. So really seeing that the actual way that you take or receive energy in a better word is like, okay, coming back to what makes me actually feel good. Where do, for example, maybe you go with a friend or where you go ring a person or you do the work that you love or you go for that, well, whatever way you can actually get, give soulful energy and you just have to like. Stop yourself. You just really have to stop yourself. Yeah. Block them. Block them. Yeah.
Mimi:I'm blocking. It's, I mean, it's, it's like coming off a drug. Like you, you, you have to go through the withdrawals. It's not just gonna, there's not gonna be like a magic pill that you take that all of a sudden it's gonna be easy to stop doing that thing. It's about getting, I always,
Hillary:yeah. Go. I always think like the pause, just pause for a moment when you pause, when you go to do it, stop for literally a second and then you, you're creating space for yourself to be able to choose different. When we're just constantly like, we're reacting constantly and you're just moving without even thinking, taking a moment, pause, stop. Okay, what's the, why is this showing up for me right now? And then choosing different is so it's easy, but power, it's simple, but not always easy. But it can be powerful'cause you can actually choose different,
Mimi:it's the work that needs to be done. Okay. So we've gone through manifesting Generator. Generator.
Hillary:Mm-hmm.
Mimi:Then we have. What's the next one? Project Projector. Projector.
Hillary:So projectors are often named the guides, the seers, the people that, um, are here to direct energy and they're often people that like to be advisors or consultants or coaches. Uh. Again, if you're a generator, manifesting generator and you coach amazing, it's because you're passionate about it. It's not that only projectors do this, but they often are like a lot of projectors are very burnt out because they're trying to do so much. They're in this high achieving role, and it's important for them to firstly follow their curiosities, like what they're interested in, because they're meant to be an expert in that thing. And then share their insight. Share what they see, share their guidance. You're here for that. They're people that can really see deeply either into a person or a system, and that's what they're here to share. Not how many hours they can work or how productive they can be, which a lot of projectors get stuck in. And then they're. Missing out on their actual gifts. So in relationship, they need to be where people, where it feels equal. So many projectors are over giving. So many projectors are, love me, love me, I'll do everything for you. I'll solve all your problems. Let me be your relationship. Let me be your therapist. Let me be your coach. I'm a projector. I remember even dating, I remember one day it was actually in Berlin and he had just had a breakup. And I remember I just coached him through his whole breakup and he, we talked, talked for hours. And see the thing is, is projector. You kind of like it. Yeah. You're almost like, oh, I'm helping this person. And like we're really, and I didn't like him. I was just kind of, you know. But at the end he was like, I feel like I should like pay you for that therapy session just now. And after that I was like, I will never. Be a therapist or coach
because you
Hillary:can so easily slip into that, even in your, especially in your romantic relationships. So I draw, like I never, for example, with my partner, he also, he's also a projector, but we, neither of us try and coach each other, neither of us try and be a therapist for each other because it ain't sexy and it's, you don't wanna be someone's, um, it's just not a very, um, enlivening energy. We'll say that. So, but you do need to have people that you feel like an equal energy with because mm-hmm. Projectors, as I said, see people very deeply, but they also wanna be seen in a very deep way. Um, so there are often projectors are with projectors, but not always.
Mimi:Um, okay. So be careful not to, if you are a projector, don't dip into that coaching therapist space as much as you want to. Yeah. Don't go there in a relationship, don't
Hillary:you? You're gonna see it. You're gonna tell them what you think that they should do, and you could, you will, but. The, the strategy for a projector is wait for the invitation because not everyone wants to hear it. Wait for the invitation. I never give advice if someone hasn't asked me. I just, um, like it doesn't land. There's no point. Um, that's a big important thing for a projector.'cause also I love that. Why do we, we don't know anything that they, you know, that they can't access.
Mm mm
Hillary:Um, okay, so the last one is reflector. Oh no, sorry. We have reflector and manifesters. Reflector. They are 1% of the population, so they're really wear rare. It's so important for them to be attuned to the people and their environment because they reflect, as the name suggests, the health of where they are. So a lot of reflectors can, are very empathetic, very, very, um, intuitive, feel deeply of energies around them. And in a relationship they need to be a hundred percent in a relationship that brings out the best in them that they feel seen by, that they don't have to shift and change for that gives them space to like. Be something different every day. A reflector feels different every day.
Mm.
Hillary:Uh, so because they're reflecting their partner massively, like they literally reflect their partner. They need to basically choose someone that they wanna reflect. So
Mimi:interesting. Okay. If you don't,
Hillary:if you don't like, you need to really like the person that you are with and want to, um, you know that saying of you are the five people that you surround yourself with, that's really important as a reflector. Really important. Okay. So
Mimi:maybe for a reflector, would it be that, like you don't want someone who's an opposite? Like you say, you say opposites attract. Mm-hmm. Would they want, is it, would they want someone who's opposite? Yeah. Or should they have someone who's like, more like who they really are, but just brings it out more?
Hillary:Yeah. Such a good question. Technically seeking a reflector is such a blank spike that there is no opposite.
Mm. So technically
Hillary:everyone is an opposite to them. So they have basically, you know, when you look at your chart, they have nothing colored in. Like they have gates, they have little lines, but they have none of the centers colored in. So if you think about it, they're just absorbing the energy around them. So everyone will be opposite to them unless they're with another reflector. I haven't ever seen that before with too reflect what happens
Mimi:there. I dunno
Hillary:that you have no idea what's gonna happen. Yeah, well you're always gonna be your environment. Um, so you always have your own energy as a reflector. I think that's a bit of a misconception with human design. You always have your own energy, but yeah, it's just the one that brings out what you enjoy to experience and it's just gonna be the one that feels nourishing, the one that feels like you feel like a homecoming and you feel deeply accepted in. Uh, but yeah, such a, I've never thought of it like that. It's, yeah, everyone's gonna be opposite to them. Everyone will be.
Mimi:Yeah. That's
Hillary:so interesting.
Mimi:Yeah. Ref reflect. I feel like a reflector is one that I don't hear of too often. No, I feel like I always hear. Manifesto, generator manifesting generator. So there's so manifesto, that's the one we haven't covered, right? Yes. Manifesto
Hillary:is a second rares and they need freedom and independence in their relationship. They are an independent soul. They're here to march to the bit of their own drum. Uh, like really create and be. In a world where it's deeply inspiring for them and they're here to like activate other people. They're here to bring newness. They're here to start movements, and it doesn't have to be big or massive. It can just be in your corner in the world or your home that a manifester had like really needs to be unapologetically themselves if they're feeling any form of micromanaging or control or that they need to. People please. It can really like crush and manifest a spirit. They're meant to have like quite a big energy and a big purpose. What can happen is that they can feel like they're too much and it's really important for them to know that you're never too much, especially not for the right person or you know, right person in quotation marks with the people that fully accept you. But you need to show who you truly are. It's more important probably for people in a relationship with a manifesta to understand them more. And that's why I always like, recommend, look up your, your kids also your parent, uh, sorry, your partner, um, also your parents. But'cause what can happen, especially if you have a manifesta child, you are like, why do I have this wild child? Why is this,'cause what is often said is that a manifesta, um. They, the creator of human design, he said that manifesters aren't even really meant to be parented in the way that they actually know how to parent themselves. Wow. So, for example, they're not gonna ask permission. It doesn't make sense to a manifester to ask permission. So a manifested child will like see a butterfly outside and will go and cross the road and just be playing and not even think to like, tell mom that it's, they're going, it just doesn't compute. And so in a relationship it might not compute to like tell your partner that you are wanna go on a trip summer, or you wanna go to the shops later and they'll just go. And if you're in a relationship, it's just important to not take that personally with a manifesta. And really you can't tell a manifester what to do. Mm-hmm. And this is what people love. They love that free spirit, the energetic, the energy that comes from a manifesta. So again, self-acceptance and, and sorry, acceptance and understanding of. Your relationship is just as important as understanding yourself.'cause we can't expect them to accept ourselves fully if we're not accepting them fully.
Mimi:Mm. That's so good. I didn't think of that. I was just more thinking about using human design to understand yourself better. But it just, I guess it takes that level of understanding the people around you that layer deeper of like, what is good relat their natural energy type. Like who are they as a person and Yeah. In what environment do they thrive, like, exactly. And how can I help facilitate that? So I love that so much. This is so interesting. And this makes me wanna do like a full human design reading to understand myself more, um, in terms of integration and embodying this. Mm-hmm. Once someone has their chart
mm-hmm.
Mimi:How do they start, like, living it rather than, rather than just understanding it? Um, yes.
Hillary:Yeah. So good. You ask great questions. Uh, I love your questions. Uh, the practice like experiment. So human design was said to, is said to be an experiment. And what I love about that, it's like, don't just take my word for it. Don't just take my, don't listen to this crazy lady on podcast or the random man that channeled human design. No, we're actually just gonna practice or see, just see and experiment. See how it feels to, to live your strategy for a couple of weeks or one week. So when you look at your chart, and so for a generator or manifesting generator, responding with your gut, you are constantly moving through the world and just seeing like how does your body respond to things? You, you, your body is can't not respond. You, you hear a bird chirping, you expand and there's like a pleasant sound. Or you see something on the ground that's dis you dislike, you'll feel a constriction in your body. You hear something on a podcast, you hear a friend talk about something you. See some food you like. You are constantly responding with the world around you and how you know where to go in life is to take each step as it presents and as your body expands or gets excited or you feel, um, a surge of energy to move towards it. So just try like, and, and see how uncomfortable it feels to say no to the things that are actually a no to that dinner on a weekend that you don't wanna go to, or that client that is really pushing on your boundaries right now and asking for really lots of free stuff. Or your parents keep calling you every single moment or every single day and it just drains the living energy out of you. Like notice these things and start to say no to them or like create different, like create boundaries around it and just to see like how does your body start feeling and does things start to shift in your world? Do different opportunities come in? I think where, when we're not aware of. Life around us, we can then just get stuck in our own pity party. And when you can see that like life is always giving you these options and you just kind of need to go forward and grab it. If it's a yes in the body, if it's a no, it's gotta be a no and start to start to say that. It doesn't mean you have to go and burn your whole life down, but just start small. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, just practice it. And then with a projector, it's really seeing where you are overgiving over trying to prove yourself. Are you living? Like, do you feel deeply seen and appreciated in your relationships, in your work? If not, okay, like, how can we start making different decisions? Are you trying to get people to see that you are valuable? That's a common thing for a projector. It's like, just tell me I'm, tell me I'm helping. Tell me I'm doing a good job. Tell me that you love me, or tell me that you value me. And whenever we're coming from that place where we're not coming from the light, we're not coming from our truth. We're coming from lack and from fear. So follow your curiosities as a projector. Like share your insight, um, manifesters, like follow your creative urges, see what happens. And reflectors, like really looking after your body and your, um. Like being in those environments and those places that make you feel alive. Mm-hmm. So just look to your strategy. It's always hard because there's so much more in that strategy, authority in decision making.'cause that's the most important piece. So start with that. Start with your strategy and authority.
Mimi:Okay.
Hillary:Like, literally chat, GBT it if you don't wanna get a reading and have a look and then start practicing it. Got you. Um, and then you can continue, like, that's the most important bit. So just, just test it. Literally Test it. Yeah.
Mimi:Yeah. Okay. I love that. Just like play with it. Get experimental. Just get curious. Mm-hmm. See how it feels. Start to notice if some shifts are happening in a positive way. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And also maybe knowing that it's, it may feel uncomfortable for people. Yeah. If they're very ingrained in a certain way of living and being.
Hillary:It'll feel uncomfortable if it goes directly against your conditioning. So your mind has beliefs that it has, as we said, has been ingrained. When something goes in direct opposite to that, it's gonna feel unsafe. So, for example, a lot of generators and manifesting generators are like so deeply afraid of being a bad person. If I do something that's right for me, or if I say no, I'll be a bad person. So it can be so uncomfortable to say no, because it's not just that you're just saying no, it would mean that you, it would be a bad person. And so. Then what would that mean? I wouldn't belong. People wouldn't want me around. I could. And then it can, it can get bigger and bigger and bigger. So really coming back to like whether you're a good person or not was never up for question. And you're just starting to create safety in your nervous system as you start to decondition. So this is the whole point of human design. It's like you're slowly starting to decondition as it comes up and you're choosing your inner authority, not external authority. You're not going around and asking an opinion, shopping of what do you think I should do? All the things. No, it's just trusting yourself and like as we said, still do it scared and start like, breathe, calm yourself. Come back to this certainty of knowing that, um, you are safe and that where you're feeling called or this response is actually something to be follow and listened to and um, yeah, be so kind to yourself in the process.
Mimi:Mm. I feel like that is such a beautiful note to sort of wrap this up, this conversation up of finding your inner authority. Yeah. And knowing what that is and starting to tap into that because so many people, majority of us, we live our life being driven by an external authority and always seeking that validation and approval from people outside of ourselves, which we know is like being on a hamster wheel because it's, you know, it's just super hard to get that from people all the time. So learning how to derive that and cultivate that within you. So Hilary, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Is there any final message or anything that you wanna share to the people listening that is on your heart?
Hillary:Uh, I think because you just mentioned this of if there's any form of. Doubt or mental resistance or fear, really like see that this is showing up because you can handle it. Right now. We'll never receive anything that we. Can't hold. And so it's a testament to you if something is coming up because your body knows that there's another option. And oftentimes the mind will go in direct opposition to what your soul knows.'cause it's trying to keep you safe. It's like no other thing, but it's trying to keep you safe and protect you from the unknown. So really seeing that if any form of that is coming up for you to like breathe and move through that. And what I mean by that, it's just like. Being like, it's okay. It's okay that I'm doubting. It's okay that I have fear. It's okay that even, especially in a dating aspect, I remember like so much fear came up even just with my current partner of like opening my heart again. Mm-hmm. And so you can have these conflicting desires of like I desire, love, and also have a desire of like, oh no, I wanna be fully independent and I don't want anyone. I remember being like, I don't want anyone to ingrain on my spiritual practices now and this life that I've created now. And we have to really see where we're conflicting in our areas and coming back to like, you are safe. It's safe to desire, it's safe to open your heart, and it's safe to have doubts and still keep trusting yourself. Like it doesn't matter. Like it's not a bad sign if you're doubting as you go, or if you're afraid as you go.
Mimi:So beautiful. Take that fear with you. For everyone who is loving this conversation and wants to connect with you more, where can they find you? What platforms are you on?
Hillary:Yes, I have. Um, I also have my own podcast as well and called the, designed as You podcast Instagram websites. I, I teach human design, so that's what we've just, we're currently enrolling for the Advanced Human Design Certification, otherwise, yeah. Is that where you teach
Mimi:people how to become a reader of human design?
Hillary:Yeah, but you don't even have to become a reader. I have a lot of people that just come to learn it. Uh, it's, it's definitely a self-development journey as well. It's six months, so it's very deep. And then so people have their own self-transformation and then they become a reader at the end as well, or a practitioner. I don't like the word reader.
Mimi:Okay. Practitioner. Yeah. So cool. Well, we will leave all of the links for that in the show notes so everyone can come and find you and absorb your work and connect with you further if they want to. Thank you so much, HIL. This has been such a pleasure. Thank you.
Hillary:So, such a pleasure. Thank you.
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