Ep #14: Hot, Healed & High-Performing: The Power of Discipline, Devotion & Self-Leadership With Dijana Djukicc Artwork

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The Secure Love Club Podcast

Ep #14: Hot, Healed & High-Performing: The Power of Discipline, Devotion & Self-Leadership With Dijana Djukicc

April 29, 2025 • Mimi Watt

My friends… this one is a soul shaker. If you’ve been waiting for a sign to stop tolerating the bare minimum — from yourself, your life, your relationships — and finally take radical ownership, this is it. Today I sat down with the powerhouse that is Dijana Djukicc, and you’re about to get your entire mindset rearranged in the best way.

Dijana is a coach, personal trainer, nutrition practitioner, and the woman behind a multiple seven-figure business that helps women become hot, healed, and high-performing — without the burnout. But what makes her so magnetic is that she’s not just preaching the work, she’s lived it. Her story of transformation — from trauma, binge cycles, and emotional dysregulation to deep healing, powerful love, and massive success — is raw, real, and ridiculously inspiring.

In this episode, we talk all things:
• What true self-discipline really is (hint: it’s not punishment — it’s self-devotion)
• How discipline, regulation, and self-respect are the holy trinity of transformation
• Her full-circle journey from trauma and toxic coping to a wildly fulfilling life
• How to catch yourself in your own BS and stop outsourcing your power
• The difference between productive vs unproductive shame
• What most people get wrong about femininity, and why her version triggers the internet
• How to navigate old patterns and triggers without sabotaging your future
• Why radical honesty (with yourself and others) is the real flex

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

🔥 CONNECT WITH DIJANA
Follow her on Instagram → @dijanadjukicc

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Got something you'd love me to record an episode on? DM me on Instagram and let me know!

0:00

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the club. I have just sat down with Deanna ic, who has the most powerful story. Like I can't tell you how much I was just absolutely engulfed in Deanna's story, what she has gone through and what she has overcome. To become the person she's today is incredibly inspiring. Deanna is someone who blends discipline with deep self-awareness in a way that is quite unique, I would say, in a way that I haven't really come across in quite a long time. She is very unique in who she is. She knows who she is, and most of all, she's not afraid to admit that. She's not afraid to be who she really is unapologetically, and because of that, she has an extremely powerful message. Deanna is a qualified personal trainer, a rua therapist and functional medicine and nutrition practitioner known for helping women rebuild their body's mindset and standards from the ground up. With over eight years of coaching experience, a multiple seven figure business and thousands of lives changed. Deanna has become the go-to mentor for women who want to be hot, healed, and high performing without burnout. Her work teaches women to self-regulate, lead themselves with integrity and stop outsourcing their power. This was a conversation that. Truthfully made me sit up and really pay attention because Deanna powerfully highlights all of the ways that we play small, that we hide in our lives, that we lie to ourselves, the ways we manipulate ourselves, and justify our excuses because it's more comfortable staying in. The familiar chaos that we live in, rather than taking radical responsibility to move through the discomfort required to become the person we say we want to become. And you will learn through Deanna's stories that she is someone who doesn't just talk the talk. She doesn't just. Preach this. She has fucking lived it. She is a true embodiment of what it means to be self-disciplined, and she shares her own version of what self-discipline is and the different ways that we can have discipline. And it's, it's just honestly so powerful. So if you are walking through your life and you feel like you're not really living. You're not truly living the way you wanna live, but you are maybe sitting on the sidelines of your life. You're watching everyone else live the dream life that you wanna live, and you're feeling stuck, and you're feeling frustrated and sick of your own shit. This is the episode for you. This is the wake up call you have been looking for. Through the work that Deanna talks about in this episode, she has completely transformed her life. I'm talking a full 180. Just some of the results that she has created through her work has been completely repairing her relationship with her mom, with her family, transforming her body physically and mentally. She's getting ready to run an ultra marathon. She has grown a multiple seven figure business from the ground up. She is a healthy, happy, fulfilled, grounded, grateful human, something that I know we all aspire to be. So get ready, buckle up, prepared to listen to. Everything. Self-discipline, self-regulation, self respect, self-love, true femininity, and so much more. I can't wait for you to hear Deanna's story. I know you're going to absolutely love this episode, and at the end of it, when your mind is blown, reach out to both myself and Deanna and let us know what landed with you and what you're gonna go and integrate into your life. Alright, my friends, let's dive in.

Mimi: 4:29

Deanna, welcome to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm so excited to have you on today. Thank you for those pleasure. For those who might not know you yet mm-hmm. Who are you and what's the mission you are here to lead?

Dijana: 4:46

Big question. Mm-hmm. It like from, from the get go. So, I'm Deanna Juki and I am a coach of eight years. Um, I'm a qualified personal trainer. I'm a qualified Arua therapist and a functional medicine and nutrition practitioner. But at call, my mission is to teach women how to lead themselves and bring them back to self-respect, self-discipline, self-regulation, um, and like. Someone gave me this word the other day of like, dignity. Like you help people like move with dignity. Um, so that's like that I really landed with that word. Um, and I guess over this podcast, you guys will figure out who I am and my mission and I'll be able to kind of, you guys will be able to figure that out because putting it into one sentence absolutely doesn't make sense. Um, but um, yeah, that, that's my mission to be honest. Mm-hmm. I want women to feel, I just want'em to feel it all, do it all, um, and do it all in a way that truly aligns with their value system. Like, that's something that is so important to me is values. I gritty. Um, you know, an ethos I have in my world is I want you to look at yourself, but ass naked at the end of the day. I want you to like who you are as an individual, not just what you see. Yes, that's a bonus, but I want you to lack the person that you fucking are. Um, and that's my mission, to be honest. Yeah.

Mimi: 6:22

That's so powerful. Especially in a world where we are just flooded with so many different conditions of who we should be and how we should look and the things that we should do. I think the world needs more. People like you who are helping women just strip all that shit back and come home to who they really are. That's so powerful. What is, or how do you define self-discipline? Like, what does that mean to you beyond the surface level?'cause I know that's a big theme in the work that you do. What does it really mean to you personally?

Dijana: 6:54

Yeah, so discipline is what I help people do. I help them build self-discipline. Um, but to me, and to actually give you the definition of what discipline is, it comes from a Latin word that. I'm not even gonna try and pronounce it. It's like dis a plus or something like that. Which the Latin word originated from the word student. So it's to be a student of yourself and life. Right. And that is what discipline is to me. It's like complete devotion to your vision, to your standards, to your health, to your healing,

7:28

to who

Dijana: 7:28

you wanna be. And I think a lot of people hear the word discipline and they think of David Goggins, right? They think of that really like harsh, just shut the fuck up and get it done. Which I love David Goggins, right? I got nothing against David Goggins. He absolutely changed my life. But that's just like one element of discipline that is, that is what the surface level is or that is what modern discipline would be. Um, but to me, at its core discipline is the gap between who you, who you are, and who you want to be and what will get you there. Is discipline, right? It's the doing. It's the being. It's the action. And for me, that's, that's what discipline is. Um, it changed my fucking life. Um, it's not force, it's not punishment, it's not, um, disassociation. It is not being robotic. It's none of that. It's true alignment to your values. It's true alignment to who you wanna be. Um, and like I said, being someone at the end of the day looking yourself in the mirror and being like, do I like who I am? Did I, did I actually live in alignment with my values today? Even though it was so hard, even though it was boring, even though no one was there watching me and clapping for me. Right. And to me, discipline is the highest, highest, highest form of self-respect. And when we break discipline down, there's, there's so many different kinds of discipline, to be honest. There's physical discipline is, which is what we know, right? That's what we think of when we think of the word discipline. We think of the physical side of things. We think of going to the gym when we don't wanna go to the gym. We think of, um, doing the reps when we don't wanna do the reps. We think of going for the walk when we don't wanna go for the walk. And that that is a big part of it. Yes. Um, but there's also mental discipline. It's having negative self-talk and having the discipline to catch it, challenge it, and change it. It's having the mental discipline to focus. It's having the mental discipline to choose delayed gratification of instant gratification. You know, like in a, let's say for example, in a relationship.'cause I know that's your thing, it's having the conversation even though it's so fucking uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. Being the woman that I say I wanna be, because that's what's right for my partner. You know, like that's what's right for me. That's, that's what's right for who I wanna be. So there's also the, the mental discipline. There's the emotional discipline, which is so underrated. Um, and this is one of my favorite topics at the moment, is just, um, the three pillars I live by is self-discipline, self-respect, and self-regulation. Mm-hmm. And that's what emotional discipline is. It's the ability to regulate your state when things feel uncomfortable, and choosing to regulate yourself, your state, when things feel uncomfortable, it's not reacting out of your triggers, it's not dumping your shit onto somebody else or a staff member because your nervous system is activated. It's having the discipline to go, Hey, I'm triggered and this is my responsibility and I need to do something about that. And I can't just bleed onto the world, you know?

10:45

Mm. There's

Dijana: 10:46

spiritual discipline. It's the discipline to connect to your vision, your god, whoever, whatever it is. But it's the ability to stay anchored in a higher mission when life is fucking lifeing. To be honest, when choosing quitting over faith is so easy, um, you know, and there's just little, little pockets of discipline that I think are just so underrated and definitely there's definitely not enough education around what it actually is and how it can actually change your life. Um, and it's not just going harder in the gym because sometimes the dis discipline is the opposite of that. It's knowing that you shouldn't go harder and you need to not go harder, and having the discipline to not even do that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I think that's a, a big misconception that I get where it's like. Uh, I get a lot of, um, a lot of girls come in and they're, they're super hesitant. Like, yeah, I, oh, but I don't wanna burn out. I I don't wanna burn out again. I've burnt out before. I'm like, you're not gonna burn out. You're not gonna burn out. This is not what we do around here. Um, and when you master discipline, truly, like you actually master it, you don't just change, you fucking evolve into someone that you never thought you could be. And that was my journey, you know? Mm. Like, I did not think that this was possible for me. I, and, and this probably wasn't possible for me the past that I was, um, you know, five years ago, six years ago, um, this, this was not on the card. I was supposed to live a very different life. But because I chose to discipline my mind, discipline my body, discipline my thoughts, discipline, my nervous system, you know, um, my life changed. Yeah. And. That's what I want for people to, I want people to understand that it's, it's not something to be scared of, it's something to lean into.

Mimi: 12:40

Mm. Thank you for sharing all of that. It's, um, the, there's so many, so much I wanna unpack there and the self-regulation being one that I will get into with you in a little way because it's a definitely a big pillar in my world, in the work I do with relationships and mm-hmm. I'm sure as you'll know, learning to self-regulate is one of the like, core things we need to do to improve our relationships. Yeah. But before we get into that, can you take us back? Who were you before you became this woman and what was the moment or the season that really cracked you open to wanna start taking that radical ownership over your life?

Dijana: 13:23

Yeah. So before I did this work and built discipline, I was someone who I would say struggled and really suffered at the time with pt, A lot of PTSD. Mm-hmm. Um, a lot of night terrors, a lot of depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, um, addicted to caffeine, uh, binge spending, binge partying, binge eating. Um, a lot of binging and purging cycles. Um, who I was before this is, I was, I was mean. Like, I just, I wasn't a nice person. I hated my body. I hated my reflection. You know, I, the reason why I want you to look in the mirror and, and like who you see,'cause I remember looking in the mirror and being like, I actually don't like you. I don't like who you are. I don't like the way that you act. I don't like the way that you treat your parents. I don't like the way that you lash out at your partner. Um, you know, the way that you treat your older brothers, it was like, I just, I wasn't a nice person. Um, and I wasn't nice to other women. Like, I was so jealous and I was so judgemental, and I was so sharp and, um, like all I did was talk shit, um, and complain and bitch, and moan and bitch some more. And don't get me wrong, there's, there's so many parts, there's so many reasons why, right? I was liked the way that I was. Um, and I think the catalyst for me changing and the big moment was, um, when I was 19, I went through something very, very traumatic. I lost someone to suicide, and it was, it was a whole thing that I don't very, I don't share that openly, which I don't feel like I'm ready to share. But from that moment, which is where like my life really started to spiral and I became not a good person. Um, and just like really struggled, like my mental health was really, really, really going downhill. Um, and at the time I was working with therapists and doing what I thought I should be doing, but I wasn't making any progress. And, um, in that, what I will note is like if you had looked at me at that version of my, if you had saw me at that time of my life, you wouldn't think that anything was wrong. Mm-hmm. Because I was also the girl who presented very well. I was on social media, I was the hype girl for girls. I was the Woo girl. I was the girl posting all of the empowering quotes. I was the one saying like, advocating for, for women. But I was, I was so, like, I'd be the one sending people stories around and, you know, talking shit about people. Um, I. I just had this really good facade going on in my life at that time. And my current mentor, who's completely changed my life and introduced me to this work, she was my PT client. So I was personal training at the time, and I'll never forget the moment. It felt like it was yesterday. And she was on the booty builder and I was like, all right, do your reps. And she was really into this work. Like she was, um, qualified in NLP and done a whole bunch of shadow work and all this kind of stuff. And she looked at me just a little bit longer than probably what she should have looked at me. And she just said to me like, I can't remember where, what she said, but she said, you know, DIA, I can help you. And I just went cracked because it was like someone saw right through the facade. Because at this moment of my life and at this time of my life, because I had gone through something, something so traumatic, I was so excused. Nobody challenged me. Nobody. Nobody pushed my buttons. Nobody pushed me to be better because it was like, you've gone through X. Like, it's like, let's just leave her alone. Let's just her behavior. Like she'll write it out. Maybe. Is it a phase? I'm not quite sure. And no one was gonna challenge me. Why would you challenge me? I'd just gone through something so traumatic. You're not gonna say anything. It's like the, it's the pregnant lady theory of you don't say something to a fucking pregnant lady. Mm. Right. You've got your mouth and you just support her. Right.'cause you don't know. You don't know. That was my journey was, yes, I'd gone through something, but I'd all. I didn't know how to cope with it. So then I, I didn't turn into the nicest person post that until someone saw through it and challenged me. Um, she said, you know, dear, I can really help you. And I started crying and she said, come to my house, sat on Saturday, um, at 1212 or whatever, and I went to her house. And, um, she's been my mentor ever since, but she was the only person who ever fucking challenged me and the only person who was willing to be honest with me, and the only person who was willing to push the boundaries. And it was not like we haven't had the best relationship in five years. She's been my mentor for, um, five or six years. And there's been moments where I'm like, fuck this bitch. Like, you can't say that to me. You, I'm traumatized. I've got this and I've got blah, blah, blah. But it's like. I kept leaning in and I kept leaning in and I kept being curious. And I think that's one of my best strengths is I'm, I'm very persistent and stubborn and curious. So, um, yeah, five years later my life changed and I think that was like a really big catalyst, but I've had a lot of little ones like that was the start.

18:42

Hmm.

Dijana: 18:43

Um, and then a couple years later after that, I, I was working, I was changing my life and this is one that really rocked me. And I think, I think from that point moving forward, I was just like, okay, cool. You need to pull your finger out of your ass and just change, like you need to do what you said you were gonna do. Um, one of my clients, she was my longest client, she was a PT client and, um, she passed away and she got hit by a car while she was walking on the street with her friends. And her passing at 19 was just like. She was like perfect. Like she was the nicest girl I'd ever met. Like she, she was that p like she was my client where she would bring me flowers because she thought like, Dee's going, like Dee's going through a rough time. Like she was so sweet and she was one of my longest clients. And I remember when she passed and her mom called me. I'll never forget the phone call. She called me. It was a Sunday morning, I was with a client and I got a DM and she said, Hey Dia, can you please call me? It's an emergency. It's about, um, Libby. And I said, oh, sorry to my client. I said, oh, I've just got a call, um, whatever. And she, she had told me, but the way that she told me right, was, Hey, DIA, I know you've been through so much and I didn't want you to find this from, find out from somebody else, but Libby had just passed. And in my head I thought your daughter has just passed away and you are thinking about me. Finding out about somebody else like that to me was just like. Holy fuck. Like there is, there is so much that I need to unpack here. And I think her, her passing was the biggest wake up call of my life. Um, and then a couple years later it was in a really bad car accident, which was also, you know, these, these really crazy, um, these really crazy moments. I'll never forget it. It was the day before. This is such a crazy story, but I just signed a client for, she signed for a whole year and she was like, I wanna pay in full the whole year. And she really randomly said to me, I know this is a really random question, but what happens if you die? And I thought, I've never really thought about that before.

Mimi: 20:53

That's a big question.

Dijana: 20:55

Um, I don't know. I was like, I've never really thought about that, but yeah, you,'cause she thought, okay, if I pay in full and something happens, like, am I gonna, anyways, really, really random question to ask. That next morning at 7:00 AM I got in like the scariest car accident of my life. So I think that it also just woke me the fuck up. Like, whoa, okay, shit. Fuck, okay, I've gotta do something. Like just these really big moments of my life. And there's also a lot of really little moments, but those are the ones that definitely stand out to me, um, that rocked me at my core and changed me. And, um, yeah. That's, wow, that's catalyst.

Mimi: 21:40

I'm just like lost in your story right now. That is so huge. And yeah, I had like shivers as you were saying that I think to hear you say like, it just really woke me the fuck up really lands with me because I think so many of us are living on autopilot. Yeah. In these. Old patterns that don't serve us and we are just living like, we're just tolerating so much and we are just getting through the day on all of these, you know, short term,

22:10

yeah.

Mimi: 22:10

Coping mechanisms, instant gratification. In that moment when it really like woke you up, what was the realization that you had, like, I know you said, okay, I need to change, but what was the thought that came to you? Like, what did you need to change?

Dijana: 22:26

Oh, so much. I think, you know, when I had the car accident, I remember like touching my body and going like, like my arms, my legs, and I was just like, holy fuck. That could have been it. It was a Saturday morning at 7:00 AM like, it was just, it happened so fast and I remember just walking out being like that. That fully could have been it. Would I be happy with my life? Like, would, would I like that? Was it that, like it could have been done done so, and like so many people had, have had that. For example, my, my client who passed Libby, and, um, I think what I needed to change was like going after it. Like you, you want the business, you want the impact. Like you want the body, you want the fitness. Like get outside, like live your fucking life. Dia um, yeah, like the love, the connection. It was just like, open up your heart, stop being so cold and closed and like just lean in, like, lean into it All, every, everything that life has to offer. And I think that, that, that was the wake up call. It was like, you, like, is that what you wanted? Your life to be like this half-assed maybe. Like, yeah, you're in a good relationship, but it's not like love, it's not deep infatuation. It's like, yeah, you've got a good business, but it's not at the capacity that you want it to be. It's like, yeah, you've got a relationship with your parents, but it's not at the depth of what you want it to be like. Mm-hmm.

23:52

Yeah. You are,

Dijana: 23:53

you are healthy, but you're not fucking living, you know? Um, and something that I say to my clients all the time is like, I used to be someone who watched people live their best life. Like I was obsessed with the vlogs, the vlogs of people running the vlogs of people, um, building businesses, the vlogs of people doing things. I remember I watched a vlog, um, a three hour vlog of someone trail running, like someone living their life outside. And it wasn't until I was just like, go and do that for yourself, DIA. Like, you can, you can do it. Like go, go after it. And I, I remember being. I remember just like even just being online and sharing my story online, I was so palatable. I wanted, I just, I wanted to everyone to like me. I didn't want the cool girls in the industry to not like me. And, um, I didn't wanna hurt anyone's feelings. And I just, it was just, I had that moment of like, do it dear. Do it the way you wanna do it. Do it all,

24:57

live it,

Dijana: 24:58

breathe it. You know, and that's something that for me, that's, that's what discipline is to me. It's like, I always say this to my girls, we're so happy to sit there and read romance novels about someone else's crazy sex life. Create it and you'll stop reading the books. Trust me. Like go and create that sex life for yourself. Go and create that love story for yourself. Go and create that electricity for yourself. It's clearly something that you desire. You are, you are, you're, you are, you're reading it, you're into it. Like, do the work, build the discipline, build the self-regulation. Have that for yourself. So it wasn't just like I needed to change one thing. It was like my whole, my whole life needed to go from good to great and something that I know and like I had my life was good. It was never shit. Right? Yes. I'd gone through some really, um, traumatic things and it, it, it definitely threw me and, and did, did its work on me, but I had a good life, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, and I think that that's also what rocked me was. You know, I come from two immigrant parents who sacrificed everything their entire life. They fled to come to Australia with no money, no English, uh, a suitcase and two kids, and had to figure it out. And it was just like, you've got a fucking chance. Like this is something that I, I believe it's, I have a chance at a really good life.

26:22

And

Dijana: 26:22

generations of women before me didn't, like, absolutely didn't. There wasn't, there wasn't even a, a glimpse of, a chance of what I, what I have. So it was like, take it, run with it. Live life in every, every aspect, live it. All live the like. Just do it all, live it all because you can, you know? Um. Mm-hmm. And that's, that's, that's what changed. Yeah.

Mimi: 26:46

So fucking powerful. Mm-hmm. Why do you think so many people avoid discipline and avoid going after these things that they want? Like, and I, I speak to women all the time similarly, who say they want the relationship, they want the career, they want this, that and the other. But all they ever do is talk about it. And I'm guilty of this too. Like I'm definitely not immune to this, right? Yeah. But why do you think people avoid discipline even when they say they want to change?

Dijana: 27:15

Because in the process of doing the thing, the wounds that you are pretending are not there will resurface, and I'll give you a really surface level example of this. Mm. Everyone wants the million dollar business, but in order to get the million dollar business, you have to face some of your, the shittiest parts of yourself. But. You have probably already convinced yourself that you've worked through that thing and I don't wanna work at it anymore. So for me, one of my core wounds was not good enough. Right. I had a very, I would say, colorful relationship with my mom, and I did like your basic, um, work on myself. And I was like, yeah, okay. I am feeling good enough. And I did the, the basics of it right. And felt good again, and I was confident. And then I got into business and then holy fuck did I have to feel not good enough on motherfucking steroids. It wasn't just like this little thing, it was like mother like, feel that shit and you're gonna feel it again and again and again and again and again. Mm-hmm. So that, because in the process of the action you have to meet parts of yourself you don't wanna meet. So, and that's like obviously if you are someone who identifies as a confident person, right. And then you do something or you go, you have to discipline your mind to do X or you wanna change whatever, and you start to realize, fuck, I'm not that as confident as what I think I am. You will backtrack because there's two people, person number one sees the wound, runs away from it, makes chasing the goal, the problem. And this is what you see now on social media.

28:57

Mm-hmm. It

Dijana: 28:57

is. Oh, you know, chasing the business. Just like, it just, you know, and like, I got swept up in the hustle and the bustle and the dah, dah, dah. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. What happened was you started going after it that revealed a lot of things about yourself that you don't like, and that you didn't wanna feel, and that you didn't wanna process, navigate whatever it is. So you made the goal wrong. You made the business building wrong. Mm-hmm. And you see this with people who run the marathons, right? It's like. In the process of training for a marathon, you will see the shittiest parts of yourself, right? You will see how you're lazy. You will see how you are very dysregulated. You will see how all of your, you will actually hear the real self talk, not the self talk that you, um, hide from. Because in your day-to-day life, nothing really triggers you. And then when you start running for a marathon, you start pushing edges and you get triggered all that, right? You get uncomfortable, which means your, um, self-talk, your true self-talk will start to come through. And what people will do is be like, see, the marathon was so unhealthy for me. It's like, no, the marathon revealed what was already inside of you. It woke what was inside of you. And because you're on autopilot, you don't feel these uncomfortability. And that's why people avoid it, is because through the process of achieving the thing that they wanna achieve, they see parts of themselves that they don't wanna work through and they don't wanna face. And it's easier to just continue on in autopilot. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and that is the, the most common one, you know, and especially nowadays, and here's a really good example, right? I just, um, I just finished my functional medicine and, um, nutrition certification.

Mimi: 30:42

Congrats. And

Dijana: 30:43

when I started it, I felt myself avoiding it and I was like, Hmm, I don't know, like something's happening here. And like, I don't know, I was like, I'm busy and whatever. I don't have time. And you know, it's a bad time of year. I'm enrolled right before Christmas and New Year's. I'm like, it's a bad time of year and whatever, whatever. Until one day I sat with myself and I was like, okay, dear, you, you have to study. You've got an exam coming up. Like, what the fuck's going on? And I was like, Ooh, I feel dumb. I, I don't feel confident. There's a lot of science and I'm, it's throwing me and in my business, right, I own a multi seven figure, um, company. I'm fi I'm healthy, I'm the go-to person. I'm confident, I'm loud. I'm, you know, there's, there's nothing that really shakes me over here.

31:27

Mm. And it was

Dijana: 31:27

like the moment that I got shook, the moment I started to feel my body start to retrieve and come up with all these justifiable reasons. And then I started to think about it further and I thought,

31:37

Hmm,

Dijana: 31:39

wouldn't it be convenient? Let's say, for example, I, I believed my ego. Mm-hmm. And I, but I didn't want to see that, like, I wanted to believe my excuses. It would've been so convenient for me to say something like this. You were like, dear, how's that course going? And I go, yeah, um, it's going well. I, but you know what I realized? I realized that I was feeling like it was the back end of the year and I was not really feeling that confident. And I thought another certification was gonna make me feel worthy of being a coach and worthy of being a leader. So I just enrolled into it. But I realized like, I'm worthy without the certification. I'm worthy without the thing. And are you gonna challenge that? No, you are not, because you're gonna be like, yeah, dear, you are worthy without it. But really what was happening was I felt dumb. I didn't feel confident over here, and I feel confident in every other area of my life. So I started to avoid it, and then I started to backtrack and talk myself out of it. And then I started to use really colorful, uh, trauma informed, self-help therapy, fucking social media language. And then everyone believed me. You know, and that's, yeah, that's what I see. That's what you start to see why people avoid discipline is their excuses have now become so justified, so smart, so intellectual that we now are quitting on ourselves. But it's not a tantrum and like a, I'm over, I'm quitting. Like it's not big. It is small, it is lucrative, it is sexy, it is smart. And no one's gonna challenge you anymore. And that's what's happening. It's, and no one feels confident to challenge people anymore because, Ooh, are you gonna say that? Are you, are you gonna Who so true.

Mimi: 33:21

You know?

Dijana: 33:22

And that's why I get a lot of slack. It's because like, I'm the one saying it. I'm the one, you know, putting my, opening my mouth because I was that person, you know, I was that person. And I can still find myself being that person if I don't choose to discipline my. My mind and d discipline my emotions and be really curious about myself. But you know, I know how to quit and I know how to word it really fucking well. And a lot of people do.'cause we're, there's so much information out there nowadays, which is amazing, but it's come to our detriment. It's come, it's now the reason why we're not following through and not living the life and not living in alignment with our values. Um, and people have themselves so convinced and fooled. And it's not until someone, and this is again, this is something that I live by. It's not until someone a little bit more conscious than you who sees straight through it challenges you that your life will change. But until you go and hang out with someone like that, because what the other thing that we do is we cur, we curate our environments perfectly. So we don't get challenged. We curate, we, you know, you have a fight with your partner to, to go back into relationships and you call your mom.'cause you know what your mom's gonna say. You know, your mom's gonna validate the shit out of you. You know, your best friend's gonna validate the shit out of you, but you don't call that friend who you know is gonna challenge you. Do. Uh, do you, you know? And, um, yeah, that's, that's why that damn fuck Deanna's

Mimi: 34:47

bringing the heat.

Dijana: 34:48

Yeah. And it's like I have a rule with myself. It's, um, if you're gonna talk about, like, you can only talk about your problems with one person. One person only. You are not, and it's not gonna be your best friend, and it's not gonna be your mom, and it's not gonna be your partner. Oh, my partner fucking calls me out. Like, bless his Scott stocks. He will, he will say it as it is. But my mentor, you know, like my mentor is someone who I trust to give me an unbiased and a logical, um, response to my problems. You know, there was once a time where, and to give you more relationship, um, to give you more relationship, uh, articulation. I remember I was like, to her one day, Jessie and I had gone through my partner of six years now, had gone through a really rough time and I, I dmd her, I sorry. I vmd her and I was like, I'm done. Like, I'm actually done with this relationship. I can't do it anymore. I'm fucking over it. Um, and she literally responded with like, no, you're not. Oh my gosh. Like, no, you're not, you're gonna go to his house and you're going to, you're gonna do this. And like. She and I, I always say,'cause we went through a really tough time. He, he struggled a lot and whatever, whatever. We kind of went through our evolution together. But if it wasn't for my mentor, I would not be with my partner Jessie today.'cause it was someone who didn't tell me what I needed, needed to, didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. She told me what I needed to hear in so many scenarios, and don't get me wrong, like she validated me and, and all that kind of stuff. But there's been so many moments where I've come to her with a relationship problem and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Like, she's like, you're being so selfish. If this was Jessie, what would he say? And I'm like, Hmm, that's so true. You know? Um,

Mimi: 36:33

yeah.

Dijana: 36:33

So that's why people don't build discipline anymore because how can you, when you've got yourself fucking fooled and everyone believes you, and no one's gonna say anything'cause we're all too scared,

Mimi: 36:43

it's so, so true. Like this is just slap me in the face with the how do you know? Okay, so. I have two questions. The first one is, is it possible to catch yourself in those subtle manipulative ways that you lie to yourself to justify your excuses? Do you think it's possible to catch that? And if so, like how do you do that?

Dijana: 37:08

Yeah.

Mimi: 37:09

Or do you think it's only possible with the help of someone externally?

Dijana: 37:13

Yeah, I think it's definitely possible to do it yourself, but in the beginning, if you've gotta have someone to help you out. Mm-hmm. Um, something that we do in my membership discipline base is every week we do a self audit. And so you guys are listening to this is gonna thing like, fucking hell. This, this bitch is fucking crazy. But every single week we do an order of like, what situations did you manipulate this week and why? Where did you lie and why? Who did you talk shit about and why? And we then get everyone on and you're like, what did you do? And you and, and women are like this, like women in my community. You can say it like, all right guys, now first question is, what situations did you manipulate this week to get what you want? And you skewed the story to fit your narrative. And they're all just like this, da, da, da. Like, they're all writing you, everyone you fucking know, right?

38:01

Yeah.

Dijana: 38:02

I'm like, all right, who's gonna share? And someone's like, you can see it. And then someone just puts their hand up, you like, what happened? And they, they say it and you're just like, okay, cool. No shame, no judgment. What are we gonna like? This is what I would do next time in that situation. And like, I actually help them and coach them and give them the tools that they need to, to navigate those scenarios and navigate the situations. But it's definitely possible to do on your own. But in the beginning, I, I do believe that you need help, like I do. And, and something I believe is like the reason why so many people aren't getting the results in their healing journey is because they're doing it alone. We're not supposed to heal alone. We're supposed to heal with people. And the reason why you're getting away with so many shady shit is like no one knows you're healing. No one knows you're doing the things. No one knows you're trying to do X, Y, and Z. And that's why you keep getting away with it. So, um, in the beginning I would always advise, yeah, have someone help you. And then it becomes second nature. And then, you know, we have conversations in my, in my community now, and it's like, all right, who walks away from a situation thinking like, why the fuck did I just do that? Why did I say that? Like, and you, and it's like, it's so conscious now. It's like, because we focus on it so much in my community. Like we just, every single week, right? We have calls every fucking Wednesday and every Wednesday we, we drill the same audit. That because it's so conscious, you can't unsee it. It's that when you do do it, you're just like. Why am I doing this? Like it's, it feels it's almost funny and it's laughable and we can have a bit of a giggle. We always have a bit of a laugh because when people say, like, the situations that they manipulate, it's funny'cause we're just like, wow, aren't we so interesting? Yeah. Aren't we so fascinating? So we, we always make a laugh of it and I think that also helps as well. It's like, don't go down the shame spiral. There's no point shaming yourself. Um, you are only doing it to self-protect at the end of the day and you're only self-protecting because you're not addressing the core and the root wound. Yeah. Which is something that I always also really preach is like, too many people are addressing the presenting symptom, not the root problem. Um, which is why they're looping as well. Yeah.

Mimi: 40:08

Yeah. So huge. It's like you're just constantly holding a, a mirror up to yourself. Like you can't Yeah. Run away from yourself. Like when you're asking yourself these questions every week. Yeah. You know. And I think what you touched on about the shame, it's so important to be in an environment where you can be radically honest. Yeah. Free of judgment and free of shame. Yeah. Because that's what keeps these things hidden, isn't it? Yeah. It's the shame that we are afraid of feeling or the judgment.

Dijana: 40:33

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And don't get me wrong, like some things, there's productive shame and there's unproductive shame, right? Mm-hmm. The productive shame is like, you know, you looking in the mirror and being like, I don't, I don't like who I am. I don't like how I treated this person. And there's truth to that. Like the matter of the fact is there's truth to it. And the reason why, you know, I, I always, something I teach in my world is emotional intelligence, right? Not even just emotional intelligence, emotional endurance, because it's one thing to know about emotions, it's another thing to be able to hold the emotions. So the endurance in your body somatically to actually feel and hold shame. When you look at the emotional wheelchair, how many emotions are there? There's fucking heaps of them. But the. The self-help world only wants to feel the, the light, the love and light ones. No, no, no. We gotta learn how to feel grief, shame, um, jealousy, all these different things and not spiral, not numb, not do this. So I do think there is a place where there is actually such thing as that's productive shame, which is a moral compass for you. It's something that's inside of you saying that's not in alignment with your values. That's not in alignment with who you know you can be, that's not in alignment with, um, like the vision that you have for yourself. And that's really uncomfortable. And it might not be shame, it might be a mix of guilt or it might be a little bit of shame, but then there's the unproductive shame, which looks like you are a piece of shit for doing that deal. Mm. It's like, no, I feel guilt or shame about doing it, but it's not that me doing the behavior, like I'm not my behavior. I, I just did a behavior. So I think that's where it becomes unproductive is when you make it mean something about you. When you make it, um, like. Absolute like this, you are now a piece of shit. Yeah. Where it's like, no, that's not actually true. So, um, yeah, if you can that, and that's why environments, again, we shouldn't be healing alone because usually if you're trying to do it alone is when you fall into the shame pit, when you're doing it in a community of women. Um, and we all like, you say something and then everyone's just like, yeah, yeah, me too. You realize like, oh, okay, cool. I'm not alone in the fact that I've just, I manipulate myself or I lie often. Um, a lot more people lie than what they realize. And you can, you can laugh about it. Do you know what I mean? And, um, you can, you can do the whole me too thing, but not in a way that's like, we're gonna stay here. It's like in a, okay, cool. We're all moving forward. And for me, I have a rule inside of db, it's like, we're not gonna be hype women. It's you win. So I win. Because that's the only way that you're gonna help me is if you just keep winning and you keep doing and you keep being and achieving. And like, if you are just telling me what I wanna hear, that's not helping me, I'll, you know, it's like the parent who says the right things to the kid but doesn't embody it. The kid's still gonna end up exactly like the parent no matter what they say. That was my mom. Right. Um, but the parent who embodies it is where the kid will learn. So, like through our community, it's, it's, we have this ethos of true sisterhood is actually, you fucking get after it. You do what you know you need to do. You be who you know you need to be, and that's gonna move me forward.

Mimi: 43:47

So a little less conversation, little more action.

Dijana: 43:49

Yeah. We, we have, like, I run a retreat, we have um, we have like no talking rules, no validating rules. Like you're not allowed to validate anyone at the retreat.

Mimi: 43:58

Wow. Interesting. Say more about that.

Dijana: 44:00

Yeah, because like. I'm teaching, I, we, we wanna set you up for success and we wanted to set you up to self validate more. So like we have, like, you're not allowed to talk in the mornings, you're not allowed to,'cause you go to retreats, right? And it's like, it turns into this like really beautiful sisterhood thing where everyone's like, oh my God, me, I'm like, you're so amazing and you're so this and you're so that. And like you get flooded with all this love and light and then you walk out of it and no one in your real life is saying that to you. Mm-hmm. Um, and you get this false perception of what's true Sisterhood actually is when true sisterhood is. We are in the depths of it. And I'm, I'm choosing to move forward. So you can choose to move forward. Um, and I'm not gonna tell you that you're doing amazing. I need you to tell yourself, I need you to know that for yourself. And by you doing the thing, it's gonna motivate me to keep doing the thing. So it's like this really beautiful rule. Um, and we have like what's called brag circles. Um, but no one says anything. Like you have to brag about yourself and no one's gonna validate you. No one's gonna say that. Wow.

Mimi: 44:57

Oh my God, that is so radical. I absolutely love that. That yeah, our, our

Dijana: 45:02

retreats are intense, but they're intense for a good reason.

Mimi: 45:05

It's just like, it sounds like you're really just removing the fluff because there is so much fluff in this, in the personal development space. And I think it can be, in a way, if there's too much fluff and too much over validating and all of this stuff, it can almost, in a weird way, like enable people a, to just stay in their patterns or like rest on their laurels or just think like, yeah, I am amazing. But it's like, but are you really doing the deep work? I, we can just get puffed up, right? Yeah. So I fucking love that. I wanna know. A little bit about what have been the biggest shifts you've experienced in your life. So you were in a really tough place, you went through quite a lot of trauma, you weren't happy with the person that you were, and you had these experiences that woke you up. What has changed in your life? Like mentally, physically, emotionally, you know? Yeah, all of that. What have been the biggest shifts?

Dijana: 46:04

Yeah. So I think the biggest shift is like every aspect of my life is something that I didn't think they would ever be. For example, like my mom and I's relationship was awful. I was adamant that the day I turn 18, this bitch is outta my life. And sayara, I'll never speak to you again. You are cold hearted, you are fucked. I used to say to her like, do you even have a heart? Like what is wildly wrong with you? And two years ago, I took my mom on an all expenses paid trip all over Europe for her first holiday because she'd never been on a holiday before.

46:34

Wow.

Dijana: 46:35

My mom and I actually, friends, we text, we call, um. She's someone that I, I deeply respect now, I would, I would never say those words about her. Um, but there was once a time that I man, like, say one more thing to me and I'm, I'm gonna throw it jab you, you know? Like I couldn't even, uh, it was so just, you are so, like, you are the problem, you know? Mm-hmm. So there's that. My family and I have never been closer. We have, uh, I have the most beautiful relationship with my older brothers, um, and their, their partners. You know, I used to have the biggest sisterhood wounds and now my sister-in-laws are like my best friends. Like, they're, they're probably the closest people to me. Versus like, there was a, there was a time that, that probably would've never been a, um, potential. These people aren't perfect. Like my brothers are two tradies. They're not perfect, but they're still people that I admire and I love and they teach me so much every day, you know? Mm-hmm. So to be in a position where my brother who's a concreter is still probably one of the most impressive humans of my life, is a pretty cool place to be because be in your personal development journey. You think you're better than everyone, really. Mm-hmm. And for me to be able to drop my ego so much and be like, he actually has so much that he can teach me, you know, he's the most fearless person I've ever met. I should probably learn some stuff from him, you know, so just to even be in that position I think is, is a really cool place. Um, my partner and I. We are in just the most amazing relationship, um, mentally, physically, sexually, all the different things. Um, he, he and I have had a colorful relationship, so to even still be together, even though we went through so much at the beginning, like so much really heavy stuff, um, I think is a pretty amazing place. He struggled with a lot of addiction at the start of our relationship, and for me to be able to even forgive him and still be with him, I think is, is a, is a big part. Um, I've been able to build a really, really successful business, a multi seven figure company, which is thriving and growing rapidly and helping my staff. And I actually ended up hiring my friends versus staff members because I fucking, it's my business. I can do whatever I want, you know what I mean? Um, I went from someone who had chronic fatigue to now I'm healthy and I'm fit and I'm training for an ultra marathon right now. And, um. I'm using an ultra marathon to connect deeply to myself and my breath, and to God, and to be out in nature and, um, all these beautiful things, you know, like I've, I've created a life that I didn't think was possible. Um, I'm calm, I'm regulated. I have a very, like, chill, sort of. It is what it is, mentality. Like I'm, it's things that used to rock me, don't rock me. Um, I used to hate my body. Now I love my body. Um, I used to think that. Even with my body now, I, I have a bit more of like an athletic body. And that was, that's obviously by choice. And I used to look at athletic women in, in admiration versus at the start it was shame'cause it's like you're probably obsessed with your body and have an eating disorder. But it then turned into admiration'cause I was just being toxic as fuck and didn't wanna accept the fact that maybe they're just doing more than me, but whatever, we won't go there. Um, and, and then now to have an athletic body and to, to train like an athlete, like, I didn't think that was possible for me. Um, I didn't think owning a a seven figure company was possible for me. I didn't think, um, living in a beautiful apartment was possible for me. And being able to travel and work at e even work full-time online. You know, I, I, I recently signed up to the gym that I used to work at and I'm like, holy fuck, I'm living the dream That personal trainer did. Dreamt of, like, she used to be like, what do you guys do in the middle of the day? Why aren't you at work? Like, I'm out here fucking working, where, why isn't everyone working? But it's like, oh, I live that, that, that's my life. So it's, it's created the craziest life I could have ever expected. But just like, I really also just like a life full of love, you know? Um, I spend every weekend with my family every single weekend. I, I had a, my boxing coach who's been my coach for a couple years and last weekend he said, what are you doing this weekend? I said, to be honest, I'm waiting for someone in my family to put their hand up.'cause someone's gonna have a barbecue and we're just gonna like, congregate into someone's home. And yeah, just like I've, I just live a fucking happy. Chill life that's full of love and appreciation for the people around me. Yeah. Which there was a time that that wasn't, that wasn't the reality. Like, I didn't wanna hang out with my family. I didn't wanna, you guys were losers and like mm-hmm. And all everything else.

Mimi: 51:23

It's really incredible, your story and just the absolute 180 that you've taken with your life in all these areas. And I mean, it is really incredible. And with the, with the business and, you know, the body and the health and all this stuff, like over how long of a time period did you create all of this?

Dijana: 51:42

Well, I hired my first mentor five years ago, so I, and she wasn't helping me with business at the start. It was just personal stuff. Um, and then I would say with my business growth, I literally went from. I fuck what was my first year of online coaching? It was, so I was a personal trainer. Then I moved full-time online and I, um, ran my first group program called The Naked Project, which was, I want you to look but Ass Naked in the Mirror. Um, and it had to do with a lot of, you know, I was working on the gym floor, helping women feel confident in their bodies, but I realized you guys are losing weight and you're still insecure as fuck. Like it's anything. It's making it worse. So then I brought out The Naked Project, which is helping people heal their relationship with food, sex, and body, which is like iconic, right? Mm-hmm. Um, so that year, my first year of business, I think it was like a 300 k year. Um, and then literally it went from like 300 to like one point something. Like, it was just, it was so quick, um, because I'd done so much work on myself, to be honest. Um. And I kept leaning in and I kept fucking doing the scary thing. And I, I really, really challenged myself. Like I, I really wanted, um, I wanted the success. I, I really, and I was willing to do what was required for me to have the success both, um, physically and emotionally. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. So it, I would say my journey has definitely like doing the, the work five years. Yeah. Easy. Because even with the body, like, there was a time where I was, I had a six pack and I looked like an athlete, but I was also the person who I didn't like that I, the, the abs didn't give me anything.

53:33

Mm-hmm. So then

Dijana: 53:33

I had to go through the journey of like, I need to reheal my relationship with food. I need to start intuitively eating. And then once I got comfortable with that process, I then, um, reintroduce losing weight. And then I had to do it from like a holistic and, and a wholesome lens, and I had to be able to hold it. So I think, um. Yeah,

Mimi: 53:54

yeah, yeah. Congratulations, by the way. Thanks. Because that success is so amazing. Yeah. And something to be so proud of, like that, that type of business growth is not the norm, you know? Yeah. So I think it really is a testament to the work you did internally, because anyone, myself included, who is an entrepreneur who works for themselves, you will know that it just brings up so many shadows and so many blocks, and it's like, it can really hold you back and keep you looping for such a long time. Yeah. I, I could honestly talk to you all day. There's just so, so interesting. Can we talk quickly about self-regulation

54:29

Yep.

Mimi: 54:30

And what your relationship is with self-regulation, and what does that really look like? Like if you could take us behind the scenes into a moment where you are, like, something's triggering you, something's really difficult for you. Mm-hmm. You wanna slip back into an old pattern, you wanna self sabotage, you wanna make the excuses, how do you self-regulate to help yourself keep pushing forward outside that comfort zone.

Dijana: 54:53

Yeah, this is awesome. I think I wanna give you guys a real, a really real, um, example.

55:02

Mm-hmm.

Dijana: 55:04

But there's, there's so many different ways. So let's say for example, my mom trigger me or something that I wanna give you a really, really example, like, my mom's just like doing my head in. I love you, but you're doing my head in. Um, I will, I will. The, the way that I self-regulate is I obviously say to myself like, it's all right dear, but I will, what I will honestly do is, is ask myself, like, have the most generous interpretation of her. Why, why do you think she's acting like this? Like, not like, like truly, you know? Um, and my mom's someone who, she triggers me when she keeps saying the same thing. She'll say something like 50 times and it's like, I heard you. I literally heard you. And you know, then when I see the little girl in her, I'm like, okay, cool. The reality is. My mom doesn't feel heard at call. She's, she's a very wounded lady. When the war broke out, her parents, her parents left. So she never feels heard, which is why she repeats herself so much and like immediately, boom. Drops, drops the, the trigger.'cause it's like, I can see why you are doing this. I can see the, the, the heart, I can see the hurt. I can see, you know, my mom's, I would say she's more on the manipulative side of things. Mm-hmm. Um, she, she can be, she can be, be right. And there was a time where I, I, you know what, this is, this is a crazy story.

Mimi: 56:30

Bring it.

Dijana: 56:31

So when I, I'm having all the stories come through, when I bought my mom the ticket to go to Europe

56:36

mm-hmm.

Dijana: 56:37

I, this is, you guys are gonna be like, shit, her mom's fucked, but have some grace. Stay with me to the end of the story.

56:46

Mm-hmm.

Dijana: 56:48

I bought her a ticket to go to Europe, and I was like, I, I remember I'm either, she was sitting, um, on the lounges and I was sitting on the dining table and I'd just booked like flights, um, interconnecting flights, fucking all, all of the above accommodation just, or everything was paid for. I said, Hey, mom, like everything's paid for, like, we're going to Europe. And she literally said, about time I died, I was like,

Mimi: 57:19

oh my God.

Dijana: 57:20

So I went in the shower, like I didn't, triggered, I didn't react. I was like, I'm going to the shower to cry. Um, and my partner was there and he was like, shook. He was just like, he was really taken back by it. And I was like in the shower crying because I was like, fucking hell, is it ever gonna be fucking good enough for this fucking bitch? Like, fuck me dead. And just duh. Like, I was so upset. I was crying. I was crying. I was crying. And. I said, I didn't take it out on her because I'm like, you know, Dale, you know, the mental and the physical and the discipline, like the discipline to hold your tongue. Like I'm, I, I'm, something that's something that's I'm really strict on myself with is like, bite your tongue. Um, be the bigger person. Like that to me is something, a really big value of mine. Um, because I used to be so mean and I to be so I, I used to sense things that, um, just once I, I used to be someone who would black out rage, like black out and say all this stuff and like I didn't mean it. Right. So that was a big part of my work. So like bit my tongue went to the shower, had a cry, whatever. A couple days later I was sitting with it a little bit more and I was like, you know what? She only said that because she can't receive a gift that big. She's never received a gift that big, no one's ever done anything for her. She's been in survival her entire life. She has literally came to Australia, no money, kids, worked, worked, worked. Like she's been, go, go, go. Her parents left her, her parents gave her nothing, and it was like, she can't receive this, you know? And she kept saying, like, she kept saying before we went, like, I'll believe it when we go, I'll believe it when we're on the, like, she couldn't, like, she couldn't believe that it was true. But then when she was over there, like she was like a little kid. Like she was so happy and she was so thankful, but she just couldn't even hold it. So I think that for me is like in relationship specifically, when I'm feeling triggered by somebody else's behavior, I see the human, not the behavior. Right, which there's, there's nuance to that conversation. Obviously, you've gotta set boundaries, not just let people walk all over you and blah, blah, blah, blah, like, whatever. Um, that diffuses me very quick. Um, and again, my, my part, my, my mother-in-law, she complains all the time like she is a chronic complainer, love her. And I'm someone that like, I have a rule, don't complain. Like, I just don't complain. Not about the weather, not about anything. Like unless you are wanting a solution. Like there's a difference between an acknowledgement and just a fucking complaint. Like you're just complaining and you're just saying it to say it. And she, all she does is complaint, right? And Jessie, my partner's so mean to her, and I'm the only one that listens to her. And I, and I have the conversations and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Jesse's like, I don't know how you do it. And I'm like, she just wants to be heard. I'm not making it mean something. I'm not, I'm not hearing the complaint. I'm just hearing her. I'm seeing her, I'm spending time with her. Does that make sense? So, mm-hmm. Let me have a quick sip, but yeah,

Mimi: 1:00:17

go for it.

Dijana: 1:00:20

I, um, yeah, so I think like seeing the human behind the behavior I think is really important

1:00:27

in,

Dijana: 1:00:28

in the moment, um, and will help you self-regulate, will help you kind of drop your guard. Um, when it comes to like, certain things, like, let's say for example, example, an example outside of that is, I dunno, you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed and, um, an old pattern wants to come up.

1:00:47

Mm-hmm.

Dijana: 1:00:48

The, the first thing you need to do in that situation is not act surprised. Like, I think a lot of people like, why am I doing this? It's like, of course, I always say to my clients, of course you're doing that. Like, some, some clients will say to me like, yeah, I, like, on a Wednesday night, a couple weeks ago, one of the girls jumped on the call and was like, I, I just keep snacking. Like, I don't know what's going on. Like, I'm just, I can't stop eating. And I'm like, Delara, you have so much going on, you're self soothing. And she was like. Wow. True. I am self-soothing. Yeah. I was like, you are literally, like, you've got this apartment stuff, this work stuff, this stuff. Like you're attempting to self-soothe. And she was like, oh yeah, I feel that. And I'm like, so what are we gonna do? Self-soothe? Yes, yes. We're gonna actually self-soothe because it's not, um, it's not actually self-soothing. So I think one of the biggest things for me is not acting surprised when a behavior or a desire to scroll more comes up a little bit more. I always say to myself, of course this is coming up. I'm anxious, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed, I'm triggered. I feel not good enough. I feel insecure, I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm failing. Um, whatever, whatever. So all, uh, all an old pattern or a self-sabotaging pattern is, is an attempt to self-soothe. Right. Gotcha. It's, it's a way for you to go back into old, old ways that you knew that worked for you. But you need to understand is. In order for you to get to be who you wanna be, that old pattern doesn't work right. And you know, it doesn't work. It, it either keeps you numb, it either just makes the situation worse or whatever. So I think, um, that's a huge part. Mm-hmm. And I think self-regulation is a massive conversation. Like, you, you obviously know this and your girls listening to this, who, who are into your work, it's a big one, right? Yeah. It's like there's so many different components to how to self-regulate, um, how to just be a regulated human so that when you are triggered, you know what to do or you just don't get triggered as much anymore because you are not operating from a constant state of dysregulation and stuff like that. So I think for me, um. When I am dysregulated, I own it. Right? Something for me. And I, I do it in a, in my relationship is like, and I tell my girls to do this as well, it's like, access the robot in you. And we always, like, if Jessie, uh, if I'm feeling insecure or whatever, I will literally go, Jessie, Jesse, I am experiencing insecurities. I, Jesse don't, and I have like these really big pauses.

1:03:31

Mm. Because like,

Dijana: 1:03:31

my ego doesn't wanna say it, it wants to be reactive, it wants to be, um, like make him the bad guy. But it's like, if I'm being honest, I am really insecure. And it's a skill. Self-regulation is a skill and I think that a lot of people don't accept that it takes mastery. Um, that for now, now I'm in a position where I know. When I'm insecure and I will just say, I'm, I'm insecure. I feel insecure in this moment.

1:03:59

Um,

Dijana: 1:03:59

or if I am angry, I will say like, I'm experiencing anger and a lot of anger. And Jessie would be like, why? And I said, and I would say something like, um, you know, my mom used to do this to me. It's, it's really triggering me. So I just, I, I need to go out and self-soothe. Like, I just need a moment. So, you know, in those moments, I either splash myself with cold water, I go outside, I breathe, I get fresh air, I go in nature, I, um, I journal, I rage, I, I do anything but scroll. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, it's anything but scrolling'cause Oh, um. Any form of escapism. So like, um, the, the romance novels, like put'em down like when you are triggered, don't pick up a romance novel.'cause that's, that, that will be a form of escapism, right? Like, feel it work through it, do what you know you need to do. So, um, yeah, it's a big, it's a big conversation, self-regulation. But I think that, um. Yeah.

Mimi: 1:05:01

Yeah. Thank you for sharing all of that. It's, it's really like, what I'm hearing from that is what really stood out is that it is a skill. Yeah. And a skill is something that we need to work at. We need to refine over time. Because I have a lot of women, um, some that I work with, some I speak to who will struggle with patterns of self-sabotage when they're trying to heal their anxious tendencies and relationships and become more secure, trying to move away from toxic partners. Yeah. And, you know, tangibly some of that might look like, um, like social media, stalking. Yeah. Going onto their profile, who are they following, what girls are they looking at? And going down these rabbit holes. And, um, you know, one client comes to mind and it's just this default pattern. Yeah. And I said to her, I'm like, in that moment, you're just looking for relief. You're just, you are literally just looking to soothe. Yeah. And it's so funny because. How strong these patterns are. Like she has said to me so many times, I'm just, I'm, I'm done. Like I don't wanna do this anymore. I hate this pattern. It's so low vibrational, it's so yucky. It's so disgusting. I don't wanna do it. But it's like in those moments when the urge comes up, it almost just, you know, gets its hooks into her and she's really, yeah. And I think. So in that situation, I think,

Dijana: 1:06:11

yeah, in that situation, what I would actually do is, is, um, I dunno if you've done this, but something that I would, the way that I would take this is not actually focusing on the moment of the trigger. Who is she outside of the trigger?'cause if you are naturally a pretty disconnected person, you will feel out of control when it starts to come up. But if you're a really connected person and you live, like something I have rules for my girls is like, you're not allowed to eat with screens anymore. They're over done, say goodbye. Mm-hmm. Um, like 10 minutes of silence is a, is an absolute nonnegotiable every day. So when you become a more regulated person or connected person outside of the trigger, you will feel like you have a little bit more control. But if you are someone who lives on autopilot and then you get triggered, like of course you're just going like, you get sucked into it. That's such a powerful, and I think that is a really important thing to understand is like. For example, um, in, in my, in my world, I'll say to my girls, who you are in the gym is so important, right? I had this contract, I'll actually pull it up. It's like, um, um, boot camp contract. Here it is. Okay. And it's so important'cause like, obviously fitness has obviously been a huge part of my brand because I was an XPT and then naturally whatever. But I have this, um, ethos of, um, okay, it's okay. I commit to building my character rep by rep, set by step because who I am in here is who I am in life. I choose growth over discipline. I choose to regulate my mind and body and command my nervous system, not react to it. So if you skip reps at the gym, you, um. Skip your ab workouts at the end of the gym and you're like, nah, I don't need to do it like CB, F. Or you eat distracted, you scroll, like you, um, you drive and scroll. Like you are naturally a pretty distracted, uh, person who doesn't follow through on the smallest things yet. Of course, when something big happens, you can't control it. But if you are someone that, like you feel the temptation to skip the last few reps in the gym and you go, I'm gonna do it anyways, or you feel the temptation when you're eating to put something on to distract you and you go, no, I'm gonna be present here and I'm gonna discipline my mind in this moment. You naturally build more control. You, you, you develop the skill outside of the trigger. Because I trying to be conscious during when you are triggered is the worst thing to do. Mm. Like, it's like, don't even try and self-assess when you're triggered, like build it outside the trigger and then naturally you will start to course correct. This is why self-respect to me is one of the highest things that people need to build. They need to stop quitting on themselves. They need to follow through. If they were, they need to build, they need to go to the gym, they need a, um, if the program says 10 reps, you are doing 10 reps and you're gonna do them as best and as good as you can, not just half-assed. Because these things build self-respect, which naturally helps you course correct the moments when you are really triggered. Right. Um, down. So true. Which I think is really, really important, you know? Um, and also in that it's like understanding that, like you kind of said, it's the behavior is giving you something we either want significance. Connection or safety. Mm-hmm. So it is giving her either a sense of significance'cause she feels not good enough. Right. The trigger is it at attack, uh, it triggers her not good enough wound. Mm-hmm. So what does she do to kind of, um, I always look at it as like a pendulum bring the pendulum back up. Is she, then she shits on somebody else, so she, she does something nasty. So it's like, okay, now it's an even playing field, you know? Mm. Um, or that's, that's, and I, we do that a lot in my world as well. So it's, it's understanding what does the behavior give you in that moment? Because it's either giving you safety, it's giving you connection, and it's giving you significance because you are feeling the opposite to that. You're feeling unsafe, you're feeling insignificant, or you're feeling disconnected.

Mimi: 1:10:07

So powerful. I love that. Yeah. Really looking at who are you outside the moment of activation, who are you outside the trigger? Yeah. Okay. Got you. And looking at like how that is going to inform the person you are when you are activated.