The Secure Love Club Podcast

Ep #22: Online Dating, First Dates & Ghosting: Let’s Talk About It All

• Mimi Watt

Share episode

Today’s episode is a full-on DATING DEBRIEF. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in dating burnout 🙃, ghosted someone because you weren’t sure how to say “I’m not feeling it,” got ghosted and spiraled hard, or stared at your phone thinking “Do I even want to be dating right now??” 😒 This episode is for you.

We’re talking:

  • Why online dating feels so bloody different to meeting someone IRL
  • How to tell if you actually want to date or if you’re just “should-ing” yourself into it
  • First date nerves and how to keep your power
  • The ghosting epidemic - why it happens and how to handle it.
  • Getting over the ick (yes, even when he’s wearing marathon sunnies)

AND I’m dishing out a little tough love (as always) for my friends who say they want love but can’t even tolerate a slightly awkward voice note. (That’s not an ick, that’s emotional unavailability in disguise and we need to talk.)

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

MIMI SOCIAL MEDIA
Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) over on Instagram here!

Got something you'd love me to record an episode on? DM me and let me know!

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the Club. How are you doing today? I have been spending the last three days moving house and unpacking and organizing and all the things, which has been very full on, but also very exciting because I feel like moving house is. Always, well, not always, most of the time it's pretty fun and I feel like a change of scenery is always nice, uh, for, feeling inspired in life. And I actually moved, so as you know, I was living with my mom and my sister in Melbourne and still living together, but we have moved because my mom is renovating her house, which is very exciting. And I kind of just to keep you in the, in the loop.'cause I feel like we are besties here on the pod. I did talk to you guys about how my living situation was a little bit. Inconspicuous a little bit. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just going with the flow coasting because I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay in Melbourne or not. And I'm still not sure, uh, going to Europe did not give me the clarity on that, that I was hoping. But anyway, I've decided that I'm giving myself until the end of the year to make a decision and to just actually choose to be. Supported for a little while to choose to enjoy the fact that I get to spend time living with my mom and my sister, which is something that I know one day will definitely be a thing of the past. When we're all partnered up and having families and kids and so yeah, I'm just trying to actually enjoy this time and, figure out what I want. In the meantime. So I've given myself to the end of the year, and I think the biggest decision in my mind is, will I be staying in Melbourne or will I be moving back to Sydney, which is my hometown? And I feel conflicted because it was never my, intention to move to Melbourne. I just kind of landed here after Bali. And anyway, I'm yapping, I digress. It's fresh energy. It's. Change. And what else can I tell you? What are some other updates? I joined a new gym, which is very exciting, a new strength and conditioning gym. I've been getting into my hobbies, as you may have seen on my stories. So I was trying Pilates, I'm still doing my sourdough start, which sadly is not working out as well as I thought was going to. It needs a bit of TLC. That's another update on that. And I have very recently got back into dating. Woo, after a long dry spell and, well, not really a dry spell, but more just an intentional time of not wanting to be dating. I had a change of heart, to be honest. After Europe, I came back and I just decided, you know what? I think I'm ready. I wanna get back out there and meet people. So that journey has begun and it's feeling good. It's. Really refreshing actually. When you put yourself back out there, it gives you a sense of inspiration in your life. Like with anything, when you try something new, or you do something that is a little bit outside your comfort zone, it has a way of reinvigorating you that's been really nice and it's sort of been the inspiration for today's episode that combined with a conversation who I was just having with one of my besties on the phone, who's also in her dating era after a long-term relationship, she's back out there actively dating and sharing all the stories with me, and so we thought. Why don't I do an episode on first dates and online dating because it is such a different world to when you meet someone organically in person and you are able to get to know them, through friend groups, or maybe it's through, a hobby group, like at the gym, or. Some sort of extracurricular activity and you're able to get to know that person over time, maybe over weeks and months of having that shared interest and in-person interaction. And it's just such a different game to online dating. So I'm gonna talk about that and I want to talk about. First dates specifically because if you are like me and my friend, and also some other people I know in my personal life who are getting back into dating after a long time, first dates can really spin you out, and they can be a bit of a trip. And we can really get in our heads, we can overthink it and just make it, a bigger drama than it really needs to be. So I wanna talk about that as well as some tips for how to approach a first date from a more confident, grounded, secure place. And then, let's throw in some conversations around ghosting as well, because you and I know that that is rife in today's online dating world. So sit back, relax, or continue your morning trot and let's just have a juicy gossip Ssh. You and me. Alright, let's dive in. Let's start with online dating. Now whether you're on Hinge or Bumble or Tinder or, I mean, if you're still on Tinder, really like are we still doing that? I don't know if I ever did it, but anyway. I think Rare is another one that's a bit more exclusive. Whichever app is floating your boat, isn't it Just the most bizarre experience because. Your, in my opinion, dating apps have become like another form of social media where we are using them for quick dopamine hits without any real intention of genuinely meeting a great person and building a connection. Now, yes, I am generalizing there, but I feel that this is the reality for a lot of people that I speak to in my world and in my community. If. And I think because we approach it this way, there's a really strong sense of burnout with dating. Am I right? Maybe you're experiencing that right now, and the reason you have that sense of burnout is because you are so one foot in, one foot out, you. Are going to the apps for that quick hit of dopamine for a quick bit of validation to see how many likes you got or how many matches you got. But when it comes to actually having a conversation, you are out of the building. You are not interested, you are exiting the conversation. You are ghosting. You are just no, like, the energy's not vibing. Okay? And if this is you, there's no shame here. But I think we should talk about it and we should address it because it is such. A, a leaky, it's a, what am I trying to say? It's such an energy leak when you approach online dating like this. And it's one of the reasons I specifically got off the apps during my time of being single because I decided I'm not gonna have hinge there just in the background as an afterthought at the end of my day and sort of go on it and let it leak my energy for two years so that by the time I genuinely feel like I wanna start dating, I can't even stand to get on the apps. So this is the first tip, and there's not really a rhyme or reason to the structure of this episode. I'm just going with the most prominent thoughts I have on these topics. The first thing is. Fucking decide if you wanna be dating or not. Okay. I was actually having a conversation with one of my clients, last week, she's doing amazing. She's thriving. Of course. She was very anxiously attached and we've been working together for the last six months and she is now so much more secure, really loving her independence. I think this is a big thing that happens for people when you. Do heal a lot of those anxious wounds that were causing you or driving you to seek so much external validation. When you heal those and you start to realize that the validation you're craving can come from within, you lose interest in dating. It no longer has the same appeal that it once had because you were looking at it to fill a void and now that void. Is no longer, it doesn't need to be filled by someone else because you are filling it. Anyway, so she was having this transition and she'd been talking to me about it for a few weeks and saying how she was feeling really good. Her work is thriving, she's loving, just having downtime with herself, working on herself, but she feels like she should be dating. And I pulled her up on it on our call last week and I said, hang on a second. Let me just stop you right there and reflect back to you what you just said. I feel like I should be dating and anytime we come at a situation where we should be doing something, when does it ever feel good? Never. Because it's this feeling of, it doesn't actually feel aligned. It's not what you wanna be doing, but you are for some reason telling yourself you should do it. And don't get me wrong, some things in life we should do to take care of ourselves, but other times we need to stop shooting all over ourselves. So I said to her. You need to make a decision. Do you wanna be dating or do you not? Because you can decide right now that you can just close the door on dating that you are done right now, and you're gonna completely turn off that part of your life. And just give all of your energy to the parts of your life that are feeling aligned, that are feeling exciting, or you decide, Nope, I do want a date, and you are going to prioritize it. You are going to make it a priority in your life, which means when you get on those apps, you get on there with intention. It means scheduling time in your week to go on dates. It means being intentional and present when you have conversations on the apps. And she said, no, I'm just gonna stop you right there, Mimi, when you said, I wanna stop dating altogether, that felt right in my body. That feels so good. I said, great. Yeah, there's your answer. And just like that, we turned off the tap where that beautiful energy was leaking out. Whenever you are half-assing something, or doing it from an energy of lack or from an energy of should, it's never gonna be conducive to a positive outcome or to the result that you want. So take a moment and tune in. And ask yourself, do I really want to be dating right now or not? And don't if you can. Don't make the decision out of fear. Just feel into what feels most true for you right now. Okay? You've done that good or you haven't do it later today. Once you've made that decision. Now you know where to direct your energy. So if you are in the same boat as my client and you've decided that right now you are loving your single error, you wanna be selfish in the best way, you wanna just focus on you, fabulous. Delete the apps off your phone, get them off there, and don't go anywhere near them. And trust me, I said to her, you will know when the time comes, when you want to date again. You will know and it will come from a place of desire, not necessity. So when that time comes, great, get on the apps and let's navigate that journey. Or energetically open yourself up to meeting people in person because shock you still can. Uh, but yeah, great. Get'em off your phone. So that's, you do the same. And if you've decided, you know what, I do wanna be dating again, but maybe there's just some fear coming up or some, you are projecting your potential experience of dating based on what you've experienced in the past. I just wanna give you permission to throw that projection in the bin, because if you are only ever basing your future experiences and what you think is possible. On what you've experienced in the past, you're gonna keep recreating those same experiences. You can rewrite the narrative of what dating means to you in an instant. Actually, this reminds me of another client who I spoke with last week, and she was saying to me that she does want a relationship. She does want to date, but oh my God, dating just feels like such a chore. And I said. Do you realize like how you sound, you are choosing to view dating as a chore, right? Because in every situation in life, we have the story you're telling yourself. Then we have the facts of the situation, and then we have the truth. So in this instance, I said, okay, the story you're telling yourself is that dating is a chore. It's draining. It's tiring. It's a drag. Okay. That's the story. The fact of the situation is that there are a plethora of different, unique, interesting people out there available for you to date. Okay? That's just the fact. So the truth is that dating isn't so black and white. The truth is you get to decide how you wanna approach dating. You get to decide what boundaries you wanna have in place, what standards you have, who you wanna be in dating, what it's gonna look like. And she had a moment where she was really surprised'cause she was like, oh my God, I actually forgot that I can take ownership of what I want dating to look like. I can take ownership of. Yeah, the boundaries. I wanna set the pace at which I wanna move with things the way I wanna show up in dating the people I am and I'm not available for. And she had this huge beaming smile on her face because she realized her power, it came back to her. It just got lost somewhere along the way. So check yourself, what is the story you're telling yourself about dating and online dating specifically, and decide a different story? I'm telling you, when I was in my casual dating era, uh, a couple of years ago, or maybe a year and a half ago now, and. I got really clear for myself that I wanted to date. I was very intentional about wanting to date casually, which meant for me, we have fun. There's, sex and intimacy involved, but I am not available for a deeper connection for a relationship. And I was very clear on that for myself, which made it easy to be clear with other people about where I was at. And because I made such a strong decision about what I wanted and what I was ready for and available for, it helped me to, number one, have such a more magnetic and attractive energy on the apps because people can feel when you're half in, half out and it's so boring and pe, that's when people are gonna ghost you, right? And. They can feel when you're present, when you are actually interested, when you give a shit, when you want to be there. So that's what I did. I turned my energy on. I was intentional when I got on the app and opened up chats to have conversations. I didn't just send, boring questions or like answer a question, but then not give another question back. I was very intentional about the conversations and just very upfront with what I wanted and I decided for myself. I remember saying to myself, there are so many interesting, secure, fun, emotionally available people on these apps who are just ready to date me, who are ready to have a fun time. And you know what? That's exactly what I found. Because whatever you tell yourself, you will seek out. You'll live into the story that you tell yourself. So because I was so adamant about that being my reality with online dating, that is what my brain found evidence for. So people who were, if I did, of course, I would still come across some people who were a bit, uh, half in, half out themselves. But I was able to catch that and notice it very quickly and decide to move on from those conversations. I. Right. I only entertained or gave my attention to people who were matching the energy that I was bringing to the table. Yeah, so remember that as well. You don't have to keep talking to people who aren't doing it for you or who just aren't making you feel excited about dating. You can move on from those people. Only give your energy and attention to people who are reciprocating the vibe. The next thing I will say about online dating is you've gotta give people a chance. We are so quick to discard people these days because these apps give this illusion that there's just this never ending plethora of people and because. There's just like endless people for you to swipe on you. I, I think we as a society, and I'm generalizing, but a lot of people have such a small window of tolerance these days for anything that feels like a flaw, like a seemingly small floor. I'm not talking about red flags. That's a different conversation. You need to know what those are for you. I'm talking about. You're looking too closely at this guy's photo and you think his lips are too thin and you are like, fuck no. Or there's someone who's like really into marathons and they've got a running photo with their Viper sunglasses and short shorts and you just are like, I can't handle that. Like, nah, nah, nah. And you get the ick and you just discard them. When maybe their conversation was really good, maybe they were genuinely making an effort to ask questions and wanting to initiate a date. Maybe they were a bit funny, So we've gotta really slow down and pull ourselves up on that of when you are wanting to discard someone because of something that just is a little bit of an ick to you. I mean, you are not perfect either. Okay? We are not perfect. No one is. And also when you are talking to someone on an app, you are getting, 5% if that of this person. They could be the most interesting, eye-opening cool person, and you'll never know because they had thin lips and a marathon photo. You know what I mean? Like. What was the last thing that you discarded someone over that you can look back on now and be like, Ugh, yeah, that was a little pathetic, or that was a little bit harsh. We need to readjust what we are basing someone's, uh, chances of going on a date with us are about like. Come back to compatibility, what can you sense from their profile and their conversation that they value? And does that align with you? Are they making an effort to converse with you? Does it feel, generally pretty natural to talk to this person? And if yes, can you look beyond, the bad photos or. That one thing that they said that you are kind of cringing over, or the way their voice sounded in one voice note that they were probably shitting themselves to send to you? I was actually having this conversation with someone close to me recently who's getting back into dating and she, God bless her, but she finds icks in people really quickly, or she's just. Overanalyzing people before giving them much of a chance. And I said to her, do you know what that is? It's actually a massive sign of emotional unavailability that any little thing is enough to completely throw you, is actually a sign that your nervous system is in fight or flight, and you can't handle that discomfort. So you just ride them off. Mm-hmm. And she was shook earth to her core. She was like, are you fucking serious? Are you serious? I was like, yeah, yeah, it is. And I need to tell you this stuff because if I can't, who will? And so if that's you, if you are in that boat, I urge you and encourage you to reflect on that because we can get so comfortable living our own life. And don't worry, I'm guilty of this too, sometimes. But we get so comfortable living in our independence and having our routines and the way we like to do things, the way we look at the world and show up in the world that when someone new comes along with, a characteristic or a quality or something about them that is a bit different and it completely throws you well. It's not a very good sign about your ability to adapt or compromise or, wow, I'm losing my voice, or just be open to something different. And it's generally, if we go deeper, it can be a bit of a sign of avoidance, um, or emotional unavailability. And part of dating is getting uncomfortable. It is compromising in a way, not really on standards, but just on, nuances in people. We need to be a little bit less judgmental and a little bit more open-minded because if you are not, you will never get past the first few dates, or maybe you won't even get past the chatting stage on Hinge. And I say that with so much love, but again, if I can't say this to you, who can? You know I love you and we are saying this in a safe space. So that's you. If you're a serial ick defender, and you just like get away from me with the first thing that puts you off. I'm talking to you my friend. I. Now when it comes to these first dates, uh, it's uh, a very hot topic of conversation in my personal world because as I said, a few people very close to me are going on first dates, and if you have been putting this off for a long time, you too may spiraling, shitting your pants, so to speak, about a first date. And this is very easy to do. Because we put a lot of pressure and expectation on how we think a first date needs to go. We obsess over what we should wear. We are so freaked out by what if the vibe's weird and it's awkward. What do I say? What drink do I order? What if they're a freak when I actually get there in person? And it's just a lot, right? So if that's you again. Remember, you are in control of the narrative. You get to decide how a first date can go. Now, of course, not everything is within your control because you can't control the other person or who they are or how they're gonna show up or what they're gonna wear, but you can control how you show up. And so my tips for first dates are, number one, don't think of it. As something romantic because I think with romance comes a lot of pressure, especially when you hardly know this person, especially when this is the first time experiencing their vibe and their energy. IRL. So take the romance out of it, just at least for now, for the first date. And I want you to view this as you are just meeting someone new and. Being curious about who they are. This is just a fun chance to meet someone new and hey, maybe learn something about them or learn something about life you never knew before. To share something about yourself and maybe open up their scope or view of the world. Just like you would if, let's say you went to a party. And it was your, all of your friends and there was a friend of a friend who you met and you clicked and that person said, Hey, do you wanna get coffee sometime? And you're like, yeah, okay. When you go to have coffee with that person, and I'm talking on like a platonic basis when you go to have coffee with them, you are not thinking about this being a romantic, having a romantic undertone, are you? You are just like, I kind of vibe with this person. I'm really curious to get to know them and learn more about them and share my story with them, and this is gonna be fun. That's how you wanna approach a first date. Okay. The second piece of advice is. If you are really nervous, make it a date where, make it an environment or a situation where you think you will feel comfortable. So if going on a, on a date on a Friday night to a bar at eight o'clock with drinks feels like pressure to you and it doesn't feel comfortable or safe for you, you don't have to do that. Dating comes in all shapes and sizes. You can go on a coffee date. Okay. I went on a coffee date recently as a first date, and it was great because it just really takes the pressure off. It has a pretty tight time limit on it. Like you're going for a coffee date at 10:00 AM. You're not gonna sit there for the entire day. Like maybe it's going really well and you do, but you have a pretty secure exit to that date. You know, it gets to midday and you're like, oh, I need to go. I have to go to work, or I have to go do something or whatever. You have a hard exit, and with a coffee date during the day, there's not really gonna be an expectation of needing to go home together or. Getting physical or anything like that. So choose whatever date is gonna feel comfortable for you. You can dictate that, you don't need to be at the mercy of what the other person wants to do. And if they are pushing for a date, like a dinner date or a drinks or something, and you've said that you don't wanna do that fucking red flag, exit the conversation. The first aid really is just a vibe check anyway. It's a temperature check. It's a taste test. It's seeing if you like it. It's seeing if you could see yourself. Going on a second date with someone. Yeah. It's seeing if the vibe they bring in the chat on hinge matches who they are in person. So if you can I say put a time limit on it, I like to keep first dates to maybe around two hours, three hours max. Because it's just enough to get a feel of this person and see if you want to see them again. Also without. Laying out your entire life story, because for those of you who are anxiously attached, this is a very easy trap to fall into. You go on a first date and it lasts eight hours, 24 hours, 48 hours, fucking 72 hours. Okay? I see you. I know what you do. I know you go to someone's house and you spend the entire weekend together, and then you leave thinking you are in love. Okay, no more of that. It never ends well, it never ends well. I've been there, keep a time limit on the date and yeah, take off the pressure. Be curious about the person and coming from a, wanting to be secure, securely attached. Remember, this is not about if you are good enough for them. You don't even know this person, okay? Don't give away your power like that for that person to determine your worth when you don't even know them. It's not about are, are you good enough for them? Are you hot enough? Are you interesting enough? Are you wearing the right outfit? Are your clothes the right fit? No. No. Okay. You are secure in who you are. So shift that perspective from having the spotlight on yourself, which totally takes away, your ability to be present in the moment and shift it onto the other person. Genuinely be curious about who they are. When you can tap into genuine curiosity, you're not thinking about yourself. You are actually able to relax into the moment and be present with them, and it enhances the experience for everyone involved. The last thing I'll say on first dates is it really is a muscle that you build. The more dates you go on, the more confidence you build in that arena. And. It. It will start to feel like a skill. Yeah. So you will get more confident in talking about yourself. You will learn great questions to ask people, both from the things that you wanna ask people, but also from the questions that you get asked. It can be a great inspiration for future talking points with other people and. You'll just start to realize that it's not that bad. It's not actually that scary because it's like exposure therapy. The more you do something, the more confident you're going to get at doing it, and the more you will really start to get a taste of what you like and what you don't like, because contrast creates clarity. So the more dates you can go on with different types of people, the clearer your vision will become for what you. Genuinely a really into in a person and what you're not. Okay. So those are my thoughts. Some of my thoughts on first dates. If you have more questions, come over to my Instagram and DM me. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode. But to wrap it up, a quick word on ghosting. Now, if you've been ghosted, I'm so sorry you didn't deserve that. Ghosting is the shittiest lowest form of behavior. I think it is a strong reflection of that person who did the ghosting of their emotional intelligence and their emotional availability, or their lack of ability to withstand. Difficult conversations or a conversation that might be slightly confronting or that might, indirectly upset the other person. It's a really immature thing to do, and it's not nice. Now, let's say, you've started a few conversations and there's been a few messages back and forth. Now if you just notice the conversation is dying off and you just stop talking to them, I don't really think that's. Too bad. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I don't know. It's, it's up to you. If you can just tell the conversation is going nowhere and neither of you are really putting an effort and you haven't met yet, I think it's safe to say you can just lay that conversation to rest without really needing to go into a whole conversation about how you're not feeling it and you wish them the best and blah, blah, blah. However. If you've been chatting for more than a day or a couple of days, and the other person is seeming very interested and they're making an effort, and for whatever reason you decide that you know what? I don't think I'm feeling it with this person, or maybe I thought I was ready to date, but I'm not. And for whatever reason, you don't want to continue the conversation. Or if you've been on a first date or maybe a couple of dates and same thing, you decide that it's not feeling aligned and you don't wanna continue the connection. Don't be an asshole. Okay? This is what I say to my clients all the time. Treat people. How you would want to be treated. Show them the respect that you would hope to get from someone if you were getting your hopes up about them or if you were excited about the connection. There's nothing worse than being on the receiving end of it, of being ghosted and having no idea why. Not knowing if you said something wrong or if you hurt their feelings or whatever. And it's, you know, you can really go down a spiral, especially if you have maybe a little bit of a, a wobbly sense of confidence at the moment or a low self-worth and you're ghosted, it's a recipe for disaster because you're likely to, make it mean something really negative about you or prove a limiting. Self-belief that you are not good enough or something like that. So I always say to my clients, treat people how you would want to be treated it doesn't have to be overly complicated. It could just be sending a message that says something like, Hey, X, hey name. I've had a really nice time getting to know you and, chatting with you and, if you went on a date, you could say it was lovely to meet you in person, but. It's either I'm not feeling the connection, and it's not feeling a line for me. So I just wanted to let you know, and I wish you all the best on your dating journey, or if you have decided that you're not ready to date, you can just say that, you know, I've had a really nice time getting to know you, but I've actually recently realized that I'm not in a place where I'm ready to date. So I wanted to just be upfront with you. I wish you all the best, will it sting for the other person? Probably. But that's dating. It's not your responsibility to babysit their emotions and how they receive that message. They know that like if you are getting into dating, you know, you are putting yourself in a position where you're probably gonna experience rejection. It's sort of inevitable. Don't worry about that. We're all adults, we can handle it. And if anything, by sending that message, you are actually doing the kindest thing that you can. You are putting that person's mind at ease. You are laying their concerns to rest. You are letting them know where you are at and you're not leading them on, which is a really kind act of service to someone else. So don't let your fear of upsetting someone or your fear of confrontation stop you from actually doing someone a kindness, because that's what it is. And if you are on the receiving end of being ghosted, I want you to know that it is not a reflection of your worth. I promise you that it's because the person was being lazy and just thought they could just. Disappear and whatever because they don't have to see you again, which is asshole. They are emotionally unavailable or have a really limited capacity for those types of conversations. So they actually just freaked out and didn't know how to tell you that they just weren't vibing the connection, which is fine, right? Because you're not gonna be for everyone. You can be the most juiciest, delicious peach on the tree, and not everyone's gonna like peaches. Doesn't mean you are any less juicy or delicious, does it? It's just not aligned. So just know that it really isn't about you unless you did something really bad and you actually not a nice person. And then maybe it is about you, but most of the time it's not. And I really just want you to know that, not to invalidate your experience of being ghosted, because it is painful and shit, but it's not about you. So. Lift that gorgeous chin, put those shoulders back and don't let it discourage you from getting back out there because I promise the right person is out there and they do wanna meet you and they would never ghost you. But with ghosting and with everything in dating that comes with it, the hard and fast rule where you can't go wrong is treat other people the way you would want to be treated. I think that is where I'm going to wrap up this episode. Put a little bow on it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and where you are at in your dating journey, and if this has helped you to realize that you can shift the narrative to help you realize that when you are intentional about dating and. Where you're at in regards to it and what you want, it can totally shift the game, because remember, there is nothing heavier than the weight of an unmade decision. So decide if you want to be dating or not, and direct your energy accordingly. Ghosting conversations on ghosting, right? Give people a chance. Don't let yourself be icked too quickly. Be humble. Be open, be curious on those first dates, take away the romantic aspect and it should be a much better time for you. So I'd love to hear your thoughts. And also if you have enjoyed this episode, or if you're enjoying the podcast altogether, it would really mean the world to me if you could rate and review, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple, if you can go to the bottom and. Give me a five star rating and leave a review and share what you love most about the podcast. It really helps to get this out there to more people, to get more people in the club and it would truly mean the world to me. Alright, my friends, you have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.