Ep #27: Even the Confident Girls Get Social Anxiety (Here’s How I Handle It)

You know that moment where you get invited to something amazing — a room full of women you know you’d vibe with — but your body starts screaming, “Nope! Stay home, it’s safer on the couch”? Yeah… that was me last night.

In this episode, I’m bringing you behind the scenes of a beautiful women’s networking dinner that totally cracked me open. What started as excitement quickly spiraled into social anxiety, fear of being judged, and a resurfacing of my teenage sisterhood wounds — you know the ones: feeling not cool enough, not chosen, and like the odd one out. If you’ve ever felt that way, this one’s gonna hit home.

I walk you through:

• The exact fears that were spiraling in my head (and body) before the event
• The inner child memory that got reactivated and what it taught me about rejection, bullying, and old emotional residue
• The tools I used (the same ones I teach inside Peacefully Attached) to work with my anxiety, not against it
• How I turned this emotional rollercoaster into a healing, expansive, deeply connecting night with incredible women
• Why group healing is so powerful — and how vulnerability can instantly shift the energy in any room

If you're someone who…

• Craves connection but gets overwhelmed or anxious in social settings
• Struggles with the fear of being seen or judged by other women
• Has ever wanted to back out of something you know would be good for you
• Is learning to re-parent yourself and rebuild your self-trust after years of feeling not good enough

…then you’re going to feel so seen in this ep.

I also share one powerful question that I always ask myself when fear tries to take the wheel — a question that could completely shift how you show up for yourself this week.

This one is raw, real, and a reminder that even the most confident women still get wobbly. What matters is how we show up for ourselves in those moments.

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

MIMI SOCIAL MEDIA
Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) over on Instagram here!

Got something you'd love me to record an episode on? DM me and let me know!

Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the club. I have just come home from my beautiful morning trots. I went to the gym this morning, went on my morning trot, and as you know, I am obsessed with listening to podcasts and I was listening to a podcast walking along in my flow, and I just had this. Immediate drop in, which you probably know what I mean when I say that, but in like the business world or in the creative world, we say like when we have a drop in, it means we just kind of get this download of inspiration or an idea and you have this strong impulse to need to birth that idea into the world and create it straight away. Anyway, I get these on the reg and I had one this morning on my morning trot. And I wanted to race home and jump on the mic and talk to you about the experience that I had last night, uh, and. How I was experiencing quite a bit of anxiety, um, going to this event that I was invited to and how I managed that anxiety and just the fears that came up for me because as you know, I'm all about keeping it real with you, and I'm a human just like you. And I have anxiety and challenges and fears that come up and it's. One of my highest values is to remain in integrity and make sure I am practicing what I preach. And I want to share with you how I navigated this situation in a way where I didn't let my fears stop me from doing something that I ultimately knew would be a positive experience, how I navigated that and what the result was coming out the other side. So this is gonna be for you if you. Experience, let's say some social anxiety because this was a social situation. This is not necessarily to do with dating or being in a relationship, but in my mind, they're all intertwined and the anxiety that comes up can often be related to relationships of all sorts. So I still believe this is gonna be deeply valuable and insightful for you. Um, maybe if you have some fears around. Being seen by other women. If you have what we call like a sisterhood wound, then this is probably gonna be valuable for you too. So I know I've kept this pretty vague and I haven't given you the full tea of like, what the fuck actually happened? You're like, Mimi, what was this event? What did you do? Anyway, let me dive in and divulge all the tea. So without further ado, let's dive in. So, being in the online space, in the online world, I've. Actually had many interactions with different women who I've met online, where we've started to build and establish a sort of parasocial relationship. So it's that experience where you follow someone, you interact with their content, maybe you chat in the dms and you begin to feel like you know this person. And it's an interesting experience because I think in this day and age, so many connections and relationships are. Built and formed in the digital world as opposed to IRL. It can almost seem like a foreign concept sometimes these days of, oh, I met this person in real life at this random, in this random situation, and we became friends, or I met this person IRL, and we got into a relationship. It's almost become rarer for that to be the experience than meeting people online in the digital world, whether it be. Platonic or romantic. So for me personally, uh, because a large part of my life is on social media, I have had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with so many amazing women and establishing friendships from that foundation and. One particular friendship that is blossoming, if you will, began about six months ago-ish. This really cool woman on Instagram, um, her name is Mon, and turns out we both followed each other. So I was following her on TikTok and loving her content. She owns a really cool fashion label called SBI, the Label, and is also a model and an influencer, and she was sharing. You know, bits and bobs about her life and her business on TikTok. And I was following along for the tea, like it was really entertaining. And then my sister actually sent me a post of hers on Instagram, which I hadn't thought to look her up on Instagram. Anyway, I got the post, went to her Instagram and I was like, oh my God, she's already following me on Instagram. So followed her back and then I was like, let's establish a bit of a connection here. So I think I replied to her story one day and we just started chatting. And then over the last six months we've chatted here and there, followed each other's content and you know, it feels like a sort of loose connection that you have. It's not close, but you're aware of it and you sort of have the vibe that you would like to get to know this person more because you have similar things in common, or, uh, you are like-minded. So a few, how long ago was this? Maybe about six weeks ago. I got an invitation in a group message on Instagram and a DM where Mon had decided to start a group for women in business who are based in Melbourne and. I was in the group, I was invited. And so it was like a once a month situation where we get together and it's a potluck situation. So we bring some food, we come together, we connect, we share what we're going through in business. Um, it's a place for sharing vulnerabilities and connecting and offering support and, um. Uh, also like a skill share swap situation, which is really cool. So anyway, I got this invitation and my first reaction was, this is fucking amazing. This is so up my alley. It's not funny. I'm so flattered that I was included and invited and I'm really excited. I. Genuinely love connecting with other women who are in business, who are ambitious, who are chasing their dreams, who are going after things, and just trying, you know, in a world where there's so much fear around putting yourself out there, especially in business and in the online space, I just, it's my jam like speaking to women who are doing it, come at me. Um, so I was really excited. Anyway. I noticed as we were getting closer and closer to the date of this dinner, this connection, this sharing circle, I was growing more and more anxious in anticipating this event and I sort of didn't pay too much attention to the anxiety at first.'cause I was like, eh, it's fine. Like it's just a bit of nerves. You know, you're gonna be meeting lots of new women and that makes sense that you're a bit nervous, but you'll be okay. And then it got to Yes. No, about two days before. So this event was last night, so it was about two days before and I started to. Notice the anxiety really ramping up. I had thoughts of, I don't want to go, or I hope this gets canceled or postponed. Like I would rather just stay at home and be in my little routine and get into bed and have my comfort zone and call it a day. And I started to say to myself, okay, I need to address this of what's going on here because. It's not really like me to get this nervous or anxious about this type of event. Like I've done this stuff before. I'm pretty comfortable in social situations. I am an extroverted introvert. I know how to ask people questions. I know how to be interested in other people. I'm naturally curious in nature. So I love learning all the intimate things about people's lives. Um, so I thought, okay, Mimi, what is going on here? Why are we feeling so nervous? We need to address this. And when I gave myself some time to ask those deeper questions and look at what was coming up for me, it related back to my teenage self. So. I'm sure a lot of you listening can relate. I mean, I think, I think majority of people experienced some form of bullying or criticism when you were a teenager or in high school. I certainly did. Now, I actually experienced some bullying from like early primary school. I'm gonna say starting around year three. All the way up to year 12, like all the way up to graduating high school. I was the, uh, the target for, for bullies and I don't know why. Maybe, I think actually upon reflection it's because I've always been a more sensitive person. Um, a deep feeler, very empathetic. So maybe girls in high school saw that as an easy target and they just wanted to kick me down so they could feel better. I don't know. Anyway, I, um, I was thinking back to a specific memory that came up for me, which was when I was in year. Seven. I had this best friend from primary school, like we were thick as fucking thieves. We would do everything together. We would spend every weekend together, every lunch. We were obsessed with each other. We just wanted to talk and hang out all the time. And when we moved into high school from primary school, she, I, I started to notice that there was this, the popular girls, as they always are. And they kind of saw her and wanted her to be in their group and. Over a course of a few months, I began to notice that she was pulling away. She was less available, um, spending a lot more time with the popular girls and I was not so much taken to their fancy, I don't think they necessarily wanted me around, and I could feel this starting to happen. And then I remember this one time. We, we'd all, we were all hanging out one weekend and we got on this bus to go, I thought we were all going to this one particular girl's house for a sleepover, and we were on the bus and we were sitting in a four seater. If you guys remember those old school buses where you have, um, there's like two double seater seats facing each other. They're like at the front of the bus when you get on. And so we were sitting in one of those four seaters, and it was me and three other girls, one of them being my, this, my best friend at the time. And they were all looking at each other and snickering and texting on their phones. And as they were texting, their phones were like going off. And so I'm sitting there looking at this thinking, fuck, I think they're talking about me. And I'm, I'm literally sitting right here and. I kid you not, we're sitting in this four seater and instead of saying this to me, they texted me and said, we don't want you to come to the sleepover. Now you can just imagine I still, I get full body shivers even thinking about this to be, I think I was maybe 15, 14 at the time. And that type of rejection at such a tender age where you dunno who the fuck you are, you're going through puberty, you're trying to find your place in the world and you're trying to fit in, was so horrible. And I, I think I just sat there and like cried. Not obsessively, like not, um, profusely crying, but. I had just like those awkward tears strolling down my face where you're trying, you're trying not to look like you're crying, but you are. And it was so awkward. Like for the rest of the bus ride, we are all just sitting there, there looking at at each other, sort of laughing, like being like, obviously this is so awkward. And I was sitting there feeling utterly rejected, embarrassed, so hurt. And that experience along with other. Negative experiences with girls in high school really left a deep scar. That is something I've had to do a lot of work on over the years, and you know that I always say healing is not linear. So you can have done so much work on yourself in one area and a particular event or situation can arise and it can still trigger that wound. It may not be to the same. Um, intensity as it once was, but it can still definitely be triggered. And when that happens, it's about not beating yourself up for thinking far out. Why am I still feeling this way? I thought I had healed this part of myself. This is bullshit. I shouldn't have to feel this way instead of doing that, because that is not productive, like shooting all over yourself and being. Being cri, uh, critical and judgmental and harsh on yourself is no better than what those girls were doing to you or what they were doing to me. So when these emotions come up, if you are activated or triggered by something that you thought you had worked through and should be over by now, please be compassionate with yourself. Be so loving and compassionate, like picture that version of you that was bullied and rejected when she was 13, 14, or 10, however old. And think about being like the protective, older sister that would wanna come in, in that situation and defend her and take care of her and love on her. That is how I want you to approach yourself in these situations. So I realized that this is the wound that was being activated, and I think. The reason it felt exacerbated is because I haven't done a lot of socializing with new people in the last six months. As you know, as you probably know,'cause I've mentioned it a few times here on the podcast. I'm currently living in Melbourne and this is not my usual home. I'm from Sydney. Then I was living in Bali for six months, and then I came to Melbourne on a bit of a whim. To visit my mom, um, for Christmas at the end of last year. And then I just decided to stay because I was enjoying myself and it felt like this really beautiful reprieve and chance to just take a break from the intensity. That is beautiful Bali. Um, I think when I landed here, I realized that my nervous system was just probably very activated over there. And when I arrived in, in Melbourne where it was. Quiet and peaceful, and I didn't really know anyone in the area that I'm living in. I started to just land and anchor into this piece and Serenity, and I've been using the last six months as a bit of an opportunity to be a hermit and go all in on my business growth. I am in a, a big building phase with my business right now where I'm implementing new things. I am learning from coaches and mentors. I'm investing in myself and upleveling, and I don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it. Like this shit is my bread and butter, and I'm so grateful that I am aligned. I, I, I know that what I'm doing is fully in alignment with what I'm meant to be doing. So grateful, but I, like everyone, have fallen into a bit of a trap of getting very comfortable with not socializing that much. I still, you know, talk to my close friends, but they're back in Sydney and I haven't made a big effort to make new connections and friendships here in Melbourne because I still don't know if I'm going to stay here longer term. You know, like I said, it was never my intention to be here, and so. But after spending time here, I'm dabbling with the question of do I want to actually give this place a chance and experience something different and live here for a year or a couple of years, or do I want to move back to Sydney? I still haven't made a decision, which is okay, but because I'm in that place of indecision, I. Thought, well, you know what? I might not even be here in a few months, so I'm just gonna keep focusing on myself and my work and my routine and be selfish for a while with my time and not make friends. But, um, I also, you know, there's a, there's a POS pro and con to everything in life, and the downside of this is that. Whilst I am focused and somewhat distracted all week by, by working when it comes to the weekends and I'm taking a break from work, I notice that absence of community, I notice the absence of friendship and socializing, and it is challenging for me. Um, I think we all need community and like-minded people around us in the world. To be able to relate to one another, to help make sense of things that we're going through and to be supported. So this is the kind of downside anyway, so when I got this. Uh, this intense anxiety coming up. I thought, okay, there's an old wound here that's being activated. There is a fear of being seen by other women. There is a fear of feeling judged, and this is amplified because I have not put myself in social situations with new people in a substantial amount of time, like six months. And actually, no, I have. I have done that in the six months, but it's been few and far between. So once I gave myself a chance to understand where the feeling was coming from, then I had to ask myself a question, and I want you to ask yourself this question. If you are coming up against any situation in your life and there's anxiety and fear there, I want you to ask yourself. Will my life be better or worse on the other side of this experience? If your initial answer is it will be better, then it's a sign that we have an opportunity here to work with ourselves to help ourselves to feel safe enough to move forward and progress through the situation and through the experience. And notice I said safe enough. Because anything that is outside your comfort zone is never going to feel entirely safe and secure. It's always going to require some amount of discomfort because if your life is going to be better, that usually indicates, uh, that there's going to be some sort of growth that's going to happen through this experience, and we both know that. Unfortunately, growth happens outside your comfort zone in that. Sticky, uncomfortable place where it's, it's dark and scary and uncomfortable. But anyway, we know that on the other side of that is light and expansion and evolution. So focusing on will my life be better on the other side of this experience? If it's a yes, great, let's get to work. So when I knew that it would be because. Let's be honest, I told myself it will be a healthy thing to have some, to, to socialize. You will get to meet interesting, diverse women. You will have connection, intimacy. Um, there'll be great food. It'll be a fun time. And you know, it's, it adds zest to your life. So then I use the tools that I have in my tool belt and that I teach my clients inside peacefully attached to work with my emotions in the body and to process them to the point where I felt safe enough to get myself in the car, drive over there, and get inside that house. So. With this, the first thing that I did was ask myself, okay, which part of me is feeling afraid and anxious here? Because it's never gonna be your entire being. It is a part of you. It's usually some, some version of you from the past who still thinks she's eaten the present day when that traumatizing experience happened. This is how trauma works and lives in the body until it's fully processed. It still thinks your nervous system can still interpret a present day experience as back when that traumatic event happened. So you need to recall, okay, which part of me is afraid here? And when I asked myself that question that, you know, 13, 14-year-old version of me came to my mind, and maybe this will come to you in. A visual memory, like a memory will just come up and you'll see it. Or maybe it will be a, just a thought will come into your mind and you'll be like, Ooh, I think it was maybe when I was in high school, or I think it was my 13-year-old self. And when that comes through, you just gotta trust it. Don't question it, because you usually, the first thing that comes through is the quote unquote right thing or the most accurate thing. So she came online and then I gave her some airspace. Gave her some time to just tell me how she's feeling. I asked her like, what are you afraid of here? What's the fear coming up for you? And she told me that she's scared of being judged, scared of being, uh, not one of the cool girls or the popular girls not being cool enough to be in this space with these other women not being good enough. Uh. All those kinds of thoughts and it's so important to just hold space for those fears to come through to simply acknowledge and validate that. So that's what I did. I sat with it and I said, I hear you. I totally understand why you'd be feeling that way. You've had challenging experiences with women, with girls in your past, and I can totally understand and see how this experience would feel scary for you, and that's okay that you feel scared. When we do that and we give that acknowledgement and validation, it helps to just reduce the charge that that part of you has around that fear and anxiety. Right. Think of it like when I just said that, that's okay. I fully understand why you feel that way. I would feel that way too. It's so comforting and reassuring. It's reassuring that you are not crazy. You are not overthinking this, you are, you are completely valid for feeling this way. It's just like when a, when your best friend or someone really close to you. Does that for something you are going through, it's so comforting and it helps you to relax a little bit so that you can think more clearly about, okay, now that we've acknowledged this fear, how do we wanna approach this situation? How are we gonna rise and move forward? The next step is to ask this part of yourself what they need to feel safe enough to. Step forward to do the thing that you ultimately know is going to be a benefit to your life on the other side. And so I said to her, what do you need from me to feel safe to take the next step? And the answer came through as I just need to know. You'll protect me. I need to know that if I'm uncomfortable or if something does not sit right with me, if I feel like I'm not safe, that you will take care of me, that you will back me and be my protector. And I said, I can absolutely do that. So I, I was sitting there talking to myself. I literally said out loud to myself, I have got you. You don't need to be afraid because I'm your protector. If anything makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to stay. If, um, you know, if there's conversation going on that you don't align with, you do not have to be a part of it, no matter what happens, I will protect you. And this is part of the re-parenting process, is understanding that you get to be the secure, mature, safe adult. Or older sister, if you like that that younger part of yourself needed when that original experience happened and when this wound was first formed. You get to be that person now, and that is your job and your duty as you are learning to become more secure in relationships, and this applies to every type of relationship, especially romantic. We need to be the advocate for that part of ourself that is scared. And the way that we process and heal these wounds is by being there for her or for those parts and showing them that we can handle it, that we've got them. Showing them they can trust us. This is part of developing self-trust as well, is going into a situation that scares us and navigating it and coming out the other side. Seeing that we did that is a huge way to develop self-trust. Once I gave this part of me that reassurance, I felt safe enough to go. So I got in the car, I put on some pump up music, some vibey music, and I just. Tried to remain very present in my body the entire way over there. Tried to be very grounded, regulated, and just self-assured. And I also reminded myself of all the reasons why this would be a really positive experience. I always say to my clients, it's okay to hold space for and validate the neg, you know, quote unquote negative emotions. You're feeling like the fears and doubts. But you need to give the positive emotions or the positive potential outcomes, as much airtime as the negative. So I said, okay, why would this potentially be an amazing experience? And I said, okay, because I know these are all women in business. They're all doing kick ass cool things. That's really exciting to me. I get to meet like-minded people. I get to make friends with women who are around my age, and maybe that will give me some further insight into what life in Melbourne could look like. I know that there's going to be an opportunity to share vulnerability, so I'm not gonna be the only one feeling vulnerable. Everyone's gonna have a chance to do that, and I know that that brings us closer together. Um, it's going to ensure that I don't fall deeper into a pattern of avoiding social situations. It's gonna almost like reignite that flame for me. It's gonna be fun. So give that side as much air time. And once I focused on that, I was more excited. The other thing I did was I reminded myself of why I am a valuable member of this group, reminding myself that I was chosen to be in this room, that that means that this person who created this group has handpicked and selected people who she sees great value in and wants them to be in this room to be a contributor to the space. And I had to remind myself of that. I said, you have so much that you bring to the table. You are a good person. You are a kind person. You are warm, you are open. Trust that, trust that energy. You're not in high school anymore. You know, we are not in high school as much as my nervous system thought we were, I had to say we are not in high school, babe. And this is probably gonna be a really positive experience now. Safe to say it was a fantastic experience. The vibe was so open, so warm and mon who facilitated this night, just did an amazing job at making everyone feel safe and. Iterating that you leave your ego at the door. There is no judgment here. This is a safe space. Um, you know, what we talk about here is not to be taken out of context and shared elsewhere. And I think when you have someone who is aware of that and grounded and understands the importance. Of setting those boundaries and uh, structure in this type of space, it just makes it that much more inclusive and helps you to feel safe to let your guard down and settle in. So it was absolutely beautiful and I met such interesting, diverse. Amazing women in this group. And the cool thing is we were all doing things that were so uniquely different. Like I'm a relationship coach. There was a beauty founder. Um, a couple of the women have their own jewelry brands. A uh, Mon has her own cool fashion label and she's in modeling and influencing. Another one is a makeup artist who works in London and Paris in Milan on Fashion Week. Another one has just started her interior design business. I mean, talk about. A divi, a diverse group of women. It was so cool. And we did this sharing circle where Mon asked us to journal on a bunch of different questions, talking about challenges and the pros and cons in business, how we're navigating things, um, you know, milestones, both business-wise and personally. And then we got to go around one at a time and answer these questions and share with the group. And there is just, I have like full body shivers saying this. There is just something about being seen, heard, witnessed, and validated by other women with so much love when you are sharing a vulnerability that just brings you together in a way that nothing else can and is so nourishing for your soul. Which is why I know that the power of group healing is so important. You know, this is why I have my group program peacefully attached, because to learn all of the tools and the methodologies that I teach in that is one thing, but to be implementing it and facing the challenges of personal development and growth and being held by women who get what you're going through and hold space for you is. Deeply healing and nurturing. And this was the experience I got to have with these women. And to take it a step further, I, one of the things we had to talk about was, um, one of the biggest challenges we've had in the last month and. I ended up choosing this experience to talk about and share with them and open up, because I know that vulnerability is the fastest road to connection. And so I shared with them and told them basically what I've told you here today on this podcast, but in a shorter version. Of how I was anxious to come tonight and I was nervous and, um, you know, coming into a room full of women, I don't know can, it can be intimidating. And yet just shared from the heart and shared openly about how I'd felt, but also how I was very, very grateful to be included. And I'm grateful that I got myself here. And you know what happened after that sharing circle? A handful of women came up to me and said, thank you for saying that. I felt exactly the same way. And it just goes to show that sometimes we think that we are the only ones going through something, and it turns out it is so much more common than you think. And even. So many of the challenges and lessons and struggles that we all shared in business were so common, and I really, you know, on my way home when I left last night, I was reflecting on, on it and I just reminded myself, you are so not alone in this life. You are not alone. In the challenges you are facing, they are so common and everyone goes through them. Even women who you would look at and think, they must just have it all together and their life must be so easy breezy and they're so fucking confident and self-assured and secure, and they would never face the fears that I do. It's not true. And if you've ever thought that about me, it's not true. Of course, I have fears. Of course, we have self-doubt, but it's about how we navigate those fears, and it's about putting yourself in rooms with people who fucking get it, who get what you're going through, and who can support you and see you and validate you in ways that people who aren't doing what you're doing never could. So. That's on that. The takeaway I want you to have from this episode is to notice in your life where you have opportunities to grow and expand, and where the fear and anxiety is arising that may be wanting to sabotage you from stepping into that experience that's going to benefit you. Asking yourself the question, is my life going to be better or worse on the other side of this experience? And if it's going to be better using tools that can help you to feel safe enough to take that next step, to have that experience Now, this is in relationships. This is why I have my program peacefully attached. Not only learn the exact tools and methods that I use to heal my anxious attachment and fully break free from anxiety riddle dating patterns, and earn my secure attachment and experience amazing, secure love and feel the most confident and the highest self worth I've ever had in my life. But you also get to do that with like-minded women who are on the same journey as you. Who understand what you're going through and who will witness you and cheer you on in those moments when you want to divert back to old patterns, or you want to go back to that person who you know isn't good for you and will hold you accountable to the vision. That you have set and to becoming the person and the woman that you know you want to be. So that is why I have peacefully attached. If you are interested to learn more about that, you can reach out to me on Instagram and just send me a dm. The next intake is in October, this year in 2025, and if you are listening to this and it is well past that date, then. It's highly likely I'm still running this program because this is my bread and butter. This is my, my life's work, uh, and I run this program cyclically about three times a year. So if you have any questions, just reach out and we can chat about it. But other than that, I hope that this episode was so, so valuable for you and that you took something away from it. And if you did, if this hit home for you, I'd love to just hear about it and hear what you got from it. So please come over on Instagram. I'll leave the link in my bio in the description note below. To come over on Instagram and just connect with me and tell me how this resonated with you. And if you think this would be beneficial for one of your girlfriends or someone in your life, a sister, anyone who would benefit, um, please share this with them. And yeah, it would mean the world to get the message out there more. So my friends, I'm gonna wrap it there. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.