The Secure Love Club Podcast

Ep #39: Dating Dry Spells, Sexuality & Feeling ‘Irrelevant’ — The Truth I Haven’t Been Saying

• Mimi Watt

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In this unfiltered solo episode, I’m taking you behind the scenes of what’s really been going on in my world — and my heart — lately. This isn’t your typical “dating advice” chat. It’s about the seasons of life where you aren’t dating, where you’re questioning parts of yourself you never expected to, and where you wonder if who you are now still fits the life you once built.

After feeling creatively flat and disconnected from my usual spark, a powerful conversation with my mentor cracked me open to the truth I hadn’t been saying: I haven’t dated in over a year and a half. I’ve been questioning my sexuality, feeling unsure about where I fit, and afraid of what being seen in this season might mean.

In this episode, I’m sharing that journey — the confusion, the curiosity, the discomfort — and what it means to honour your evolving identity with compassion instead of shame. We’ll also talk about why so many women in their 30s are exploring their sexuality, the societal shifts driving that change, and why it’s so okay if your journey doesn’t look like the polished “coach with the dream relationship” you see online.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
• The real reason I haven’t been dating and what that’s brought up for me
• How to honour your changing identity and desires without labelling or judging yourself
• Why more women are questioning their sexuality in their 30s
• How emotional safety and societal shifts are changing what we want in relationships
• What to do when your journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s and why that’s your power

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

MIMI SOCIAL MEDIA
Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) over on Instagram HERE!

Got something you'd love me to record an episode on? DM me and let me know!

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi. What. Hello my friends. Welcome back to the club. I'm currently sitting on my bed doing this recording, which is a new style for me. I would never normally do this, but I was sitting on my bed and I knew I wanted to jump on the mic today and record a podcast, but I have been feeling so. Tired today. It's either from the heat because in Melbourne it's decided to start getting hotter because we are moving into spring, obviously, and you know when the weather starts to get hot and it just really wipes your energy those first few days when you're not used to it. It could be that. Or it could be that last night I had the pleasure and privilege of going to a K class, which was hosted by. Emma who joins me on the podcast recently where we spoke all about retroactive jealousy, and Emma shared a lot about her journey with Kunin, which is a somatic dance practice, and how it helps you reestablish a connection with your body, get back into your body, out of your head, connecting with your feminine energy, and she beautifully gifted me a spot at one of her classes that she hosted last night. And this was a really interesting experience. I just wanna tell you about it quickly before we get into today's episode because it does sort of fit the theme. But I am no stranger to somatic movement and somatic dance. And when I say somatic, I'm talking about. Moving the body. So somatic just means anything to do with your physical body. And you have seen me dancing on my stories being a freak, moving around like hula hooping, all the things I'm no, uh, stranger to getting in touch with my body and letting it move me and moving emotions through it. But this experience was quite unlike anything I've done before. It was very slow. Quite sensual. The practice itself lasted for nearly an hour where Emma guided us through a series of different songs and each one evoked a different emotion. And it was a different genre. So there was sadness, there were songs that evoked anger or frustration rage, um, playfulness, sensuality, and it was. What was interesting, I should say, was that as soon as the practice started, I started crying. Not profusely crying, but tears were coming out my eyes, and I think this happened because it's so easy for us to really lose touch with our bodies and. To just be so stuck in our head in a, on a day-to-day basis where we are sitting at our desk all day, we are scrolling on social media, we are staring at a computer screen, we are thinking about the future and really there's everything's going on from the neck up and our poor bodies can get so neglected. And even though I like to think that I do a lot of somatic practice. Always can be reminded to do more and to go deeper. And so when I did this practice, I like tears came up, emotion came through because I think a part of me felt bad for neglecting my body more than I would. Like to admit. Um, but so we did the practice and then at the end there was this really cool opportunity to do something that they call, I think in Kion they call it to be seen. And it's where you essentially get to do this somatic dance or movement to a song of your choice in front of the group. Like picture a row of women just sitting against the wall. Watching you, witnessing you, seeing you staring at you, being very real, very raw, very primal, and just letting your body move to music. For the majority of people listening, you might cringe so hard because you think, I could never do that. That would be so embarrassing. I couldn't let myself be seen. But honestly. I, uh, so I did it and it was incredible. So two women went before me who have practiced Kion for a long time, and then Emma said, I wanna extend the opportunity to anyone else who might want to do this. There's no pressure, but if you're feeling called. You can do it. And I am so the type of person where in these situations I will always feel the pull to share, to get up in front of the class to be seen. But obviously I still experience the nerves. But every time that I say yes, AKA, I get outside my comfort zone and I do it. I'm so fucking glad that I did. And so she said, does anyone wanna do it? The room goes silent and my heart is racing. And I was like, oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God. Do I wanna do it? Do I wanna do it? And I said, yes, I wanna do it. And I wanted to because throughout the night, throughout the practice, I had cried several times. So I thought, okay, Mimi, there's clearly some emotion that wants to come up and out. Let's just do this. And to Emma's credit, she really made it feel like such a safe space. The women were lovely. I didn't feel any judgment. Um, I, I did feel safe to just get up there and move. And so that's what I did. I got up in front of the class and it was a really nice setting. The lights were really dim, so it was quite dark, which felt quite nice and safe. And the song that I chose to move to is to build a home. You might know that song. It is such a powerful song. It's very emotional. Um, and. Very sad, but I wanted it to be that way. I wanted it to bring out the emotion and anyway, I did it. So I moved to the song and I did not hold back. And I swear to God, it was like having an out of body experience. There was something about pushing yourself to the edge of your comfort zone where you allow other women to just watch you. Like you are, do the, the movements you're doing are weird, right? It's not like you're trying to do a choreographed dance, like you are just letting your body move however it wants to and whatever that looks like. And I just lent the fuck in and I went for it and I cried. There was like heavy sighing. It was very primal. And at the end of it, I finished and I just sat there. I sat there in silence for a few minutes, just collecting myself and collecting my energy, and the women sat in silence and we all sat in silence together. Until I was ready to come back to the room and to talk. And at the end of this practice of being seen, what they do is the women share moments of beauty that they saw in your expression. And so they reflected so many beautiful things back to me and I just got to be in receivership and receive those reflections. And that is something that I think so many women. We need to practice more of, we need to practice receiving love and admiration and praise because we don't get it enough. Or if we don't, we don't receive it. We always push it back or we, we deny it for some reason. So it was such a beautiful experience and I think that was a long-winded story, but I did wanna share it with you because it was so fucking profound and it reminded me to. Always keep pushing the edges of your comfort zone because when you feel that intuitive pull in your body that's trying to say yes to something, you don't know why, but it's saying, yes, I want to do this thing. Lean into that, whatever it is, because there's always gonna be fear that comes in over the top of it, that shrouds your judgment, that tells you why you shouldn't do it. Your ego wants to come in to keep you in your comfort zone. Try not to listen to your ego because it's so rewarding and all of this to say that it could be another reason why I'm very tired today or I I have been tired because emotional processing, especially when we do it on a somatic level. It takes a lot of energy. It's that feeling of, you know, when you have a big release, you have a really big cry, like I'm talking the ugly face cry, and you feel exhausted, but amazing. On the other end of it, it's kind of like that. So that could be the reason, and either way, I knew I wanted to get on the mic, so I thought, fuck it, I'm gonna get my mic and I'm gonna sit on my bed and I'm gonna hold it. And that's how we're recording. In case you were wondering, you probably weren't. Um, but I hope you enjoyed that story. I highly recommend trying k if that is accessible to you, wherever you are in the world, if you are in Melbourne. Um, this class was in Brunswick, in Melbourne, and it was really cool. So before we go on, I also wanted to acknowledge the fact that you guys. We hit 20,000 downloads on the podcast. Oh my God. And I just wanna take a second to celebrate it because I shared it on my Instagram story the other day, but I wanna talk about it here. I was recording last week's episode and I had this little thought in my head and I said, oh, I wonder if we've surpassed 20,000 downloads yet. And I went to my, where I concealed my stats and I checked it and it was something like. 20,050. So we had just passed it and it was just so cool to see in such a moment of celebration. Um, also because it took six months, I think it was, to hit 10,000 downloads and then only another three to hit 20. So the momentum is picking up and it tells me that you guys are loving the podcast and that the, the word is spreading about this podcast. And it just means the world to me. The more people we can get in this community and. The more people who can benefit from the value shared here is such a big part of my mission for my work. So such a big thank you to you. If you are a regular listener and you support the show, it means the world to me. And if you're new here, welcome to the community. I'm so glad to have you and let's just keep the good vibes rolling. Alright, so I wanna talk about today. Something that I spoke about on my Instagram this week. So if you follow my social media, you probably would've seen that. I posted a reel and the text on screen, the caption was, uh, what was it? Dating Dry spell singledom. Am I gay? We need to talk. And it was a very real and very honest. Conversation, if you will, uh, that I put forward to my community after feeling like something. Was not being said. There was something within me that needed to be said. And basically, I want to just talk about it a bit more here on the podcast because so many of you responded to this reel and just with your, your resonance telling me how much you resonated with it, with your love, your support, wanting to develop this conversation further. And so why not talk about it here on the podcast where we have such an intimate, safe. Space. So without further ado, let's dive in. I was on a coaching call with one of my mentors on Tuesday this week, and I was expressing to her that I felt a bit stale in my content creation at the moment, in the way that I put value out to you guys on Instagram. I was feeling as though I was sort of. Of recycling a lot of the things that I have been saying for a few years now in terms of relationships and dating and the advice that I give, and not to say that it's not still relevant and not still valuable, but I, I have been feeling like there's something missing. There is a zest that is missing here. My spark doesn't feel like it's there. And I was frustrated because I said, I feel like I don't have a journey to share at the moment. Like life, just, I, I don't feel like I have anything new to share because I haven't been dating. And she challenged me as a good coach will do. And she said, what? Excuse me? What are you not saying? What are you not saying? And I sort of went quiet for a minute and my heart starts racing and I'm like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. She said, what are you not saying? I said, oh, I'm not saying that I haven't dated in a year and a half and I feel irrelevant, and I feel like I don't have anything fresh or new to bring to the picture. Bring to the, to the stage. And she said, and why haven't you been dating? And I said. Because I have been questioning my sexuality and I've been confused as fuck. And because I'm afraid to put myself out there in this new landscape and I'm afraid to be seen. Yep. And she said, do you know how many people would be able to relate to what you're moving through right now? It is not that you don't have a story to share. It is, you are not willing to share it, and that my friends really hit a nerve and it was sort of the slap in the face and the wake up call that I needed to, to realize that. Hang on a second. I actually do have a lot more I can say and a lot more I can share with my audience with you. It's just that I've been afraid to, and to be honest, it was a bit unconscious. I didn't fully realize that this is what was going on, which is why having a coach who can point out your blind spots is so fricking invaluable. It's why I will. Always encourage mentorship and investing in coaches to support you because otherwise we can just continue living on autopilot blind to the opportunities for growth and evolution that are right in front of us. So she gave me this challenge and she said, go and talk about that. Go and talk about it. And I was like, okay, but how often do I talk about it? How many times should I tell my audience about this? What do I, she's like, no. Up shut. Shut up. You are thinking too far ahead. Just literally go and talk about it and get the ball rolling. And I said, okay, challenge accepted. So I jumped off the call. I set up my phone, I sat my ass down, and I hit record. And. Essentially what you see in that video was a one hit, one die hit record. And everything that I said just came out right away. And what I shared was that, hey, I have not dated in a year and a half. And I have been feeling that, that what I, the wisdom that I have to share is coming from an outdated. Energy, like what I have been sharing on my Instagram feels slightly outdated, and it's because I haven't really allowed myself to explore this part of myself who has been feeling confused in my sexuality, and I haven't allowed myself to do that because I have been scared and I am afraid of what that means and what that looks like. And. I don't even know. I don't know what I am, and I don't mean that we have to put labels on things, but I, you know, and this isn't fully the first time that I've spoken about this to you. I have opened up a little bit before on a previous podcast episode, but I. I don't know if I am gay, but I know that I've had a lot of thoughts about it and a lot of urges to explore my sexuality in that way. And so whilst I don't feel comfortable putting a label on myself, I also have a strong feeling that maybe there's more to what I desire than what I had previously thought, which was that I was just straight and I only wanted to date men. I also shared that I'm living in a city that is not home to me. So as you all know, I'm from Sydney. I've been living in Melbourne for the last year, and before that I was living in Bali for six months. So I have actually been in a sense, displaced from my community and my routines and all the places that I know that I'm so familiar with, like the city that I grew up in. I've been displaced from that for a year and a half. And whilst I do have family here in Melbourne, so I'm very grateful that I have that support system here. And to be honest, I wouldn't be here in Melbourne if there wasn't family here. That was why I came here to visit. Whilst I'm so grateful for that, I have noticed myself still not putting myself out there as much as I normally would. And I think that has come from this. This mental attitude or this thought that, oh, no, no, no. I'm not settling here in Melbourne. This is temporary. So I don't need to make an effort to go and make friends or put myself out there or date because I'm gonna leave soon. And maybe that was serving me for the first six months, but if I'm honest, for the last six months, like the second half of the time that I've been here, I think it has been hindering me and it has been, as I said earlier, it's been making me feel. Stale and like I'm not feeling totally lit up by life in other areas. I love my work, I love my family, but I have not been accessing the. Energy in life that comes from socializing and from dating as well, like allowing myself to experience pleasure and connection and physical touch and intimacy. I've really held myself back from it, and I guess I just wanted to talk to you about it. I wanted to open the conversation because, you know, for, for a moment in time I didn't, because as I said on the video on my Instagram, I thought. Uh, this is irrelevant to my audience. People don't need to hear this. They don't need to know this because all they want from me is what I always talk about, which is anxious attachment patterns in dating, where that comes from, what to do about it, and how to become securely attached so you can have healthier relationships. And whilst that is so valid and valuable, I. I was reminded by my mentor that that is just one part of the reason my community follows me. It's one part or one aspect, or albeit a big part of your relationship journey, but so much more than that is about the parts of you. That are emerging and evolving as you grow as an individual in life. It's about honoring when your values begin to shift. When your perspective on life and dating and relationships begins to shift when you want different things, for whatever fucking reason, I don't know why. At 30 I started to suddenly have these thoughts about dating women, and would that suit me better and would I be attracted to that? I don't know, but for whatever reason. Something got out of my way and these thoughts were able to come through and I don't know, maybe it was moving to Bali, I think it was, but whatever the reason you are going to change and evolve and a big part of being a secure woman, a secure person, is honoring those parts when they do come up and giving them the acknowledgement and the airspace and the curiosity to understand them. Give yourself the grace of understanding yourself as you evolve, and it's so important. And so with that reminder, I guess it was what I needed to give myself almost permission to open up this conversation and to say that just because I haven't been dating for a year and a half does not take away from my credibility or value as a relationship coach at. All because it's not just about what I have experienced that contributes to my ability to help you and coach you. It's also just who I am as a person. I'm someone who is deeply in touch with their emotions, who is not afraid of vulnerability, who. Can go to deep places with you because it's who I am as a person, and my journey is also part of your journey because everything that I'm going through and everything that I'm learning, I will always impart to you. I will always extract the lessons and the wisdom and incorporate it into how I support and serve you as my community. In the video, I was talking a little bit about how there seems to be this shift that has become very prevalent in society, or at least in my sphere, my bubble, where it feels like all these women who are in their thirties or turning thirties are having these revelations about their sexuality. And I've said in a previous podcast that. For me, it really came up on TikTok when I was living in Bali and I started having these thoughts. I started seeing all these bloody tiktoks come up about baby gaze and coming out later in life and signs you're a lesbian, or signs you might be queer. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And the more I immersed into it. The more I saw these women in their thirties talking about this and having a similar experience, and as I shared this on Instagram, I had so many of you DM me as well, sharing that you've had a similar experience. And then I got an interesting message from one of the kings in my community. Shout out to you, um, if you are listening to this. You'll know who you are. And he came into my dms very respectfully and he was like, I, I'd love to share my perspective on maybe why so many women are feeling disinterested in dating men. And he said that up until, you know. Pretty recently in society, women were fully reliant on men financially for their sense of security, and we didn't have, women did not have the independence at that we do have today. In today's society in 2025, women are. Extremely self-sufficient. We have all these same opportunities as men. Mostly we can make our own money. We can be fully independent. We actually, again, I am generalizing, but for the most part, we technically don't need a man to provide for us financially. And now I understand this conversation could have many, many nuances. So just take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. But we don't have to rely on men. For survival, whereas once upon a time we did. And so as this guy pointed out, he was like, you know, back in the day the bar was pretty low for men. It was like, as long as you have a job and you're not a psychopath, you ticked the boxes. And I, and it's kind of true in a way, you know, and these days as women are realizing that we don't need men for that. There's a deeper desire for a partner, be it a man to have greater emotional maturity and depth. And that is something that as women, we naturally have in spades, most women, and it doesn't maybe come as naturally for men. And so there's this shift, there's this gap where men are needing to almost catch up so that they can offer this depth and emotional, um. Emotional connection on the level at which women require it and desire it in relationships. And so whilst we're in that gap where men are quote unquote catching up, women are turning to other women to have those emotional needs be fulfilled in relationships. Now, this is obviously just a theory. This is one idea, one perspective. This is not to say this is fact. Um. It's not to like, maybe women are doing that subconsciously, or maybe consciously, or maybe more women are just queer and they're just realizing it. But either way, I thought it was an interesting perspective and I did appreciate it. And I'm curious what you think on that as the listener. Do you think there is relevance to that comment? Do you disagree? Let me know. Um, but I think it's fascinating to, to see, or, or another perspective could be that. This is seemingly happening more because of social media and because of the platforms that exist where people can speak openly about this and share their opinions and how accessible those opinions are in our everyday life. Right. When you think about before the internet, before social media, we were not exposed to the amount of opinions that we are exposed to in today's world. You can be sitting on your phone today and scroll through thousands of pieces of information, pieces of content. Insights into people's lives, into their thoughts. It's crazy and quite frankly, unhealthy, but we have so much access to it that once upon a time we didn't. So who knows what was going on. You know, we didn't know what people were thinking or feeling. And also this stuff was less spoken about. It was not as widely accepted as it is today, and a lot of it was hidden. So maybe this has been the norm all along and we just didn't know about it because it was not spoken about. As I shared this conversation on Instagram, I had so many beautiful messages come in, and one of them in particular that really touched me came from actually a past client of mine, um, who. Is the most beautiful, beautiful queen. And she sent a message that, um, I'll keep her identity anonymous. Won't say her name, but she will know who she is if she's listening again. Hello, I love you. She said quote. I love your last reel so much. I love that you're figuring out your sexuality. I am sadly still straight, but have been thinking more about it. But what I really loved about it is that I see so many relationship coaches on Insta be like, this is how I healed and then met my dream partner. And I just keep thinking, what about us girls on a healing journey who have done a lot of healing but haven't found, quote unquote the one? So I would love if you, if you took us on your dating journey. Also would love to see how an expert dates, end quote. And what I loved about that message so much is that it highlighted something very real in the coaching industry, in the relationship coaching industry is that there are so many relationship coaches on this platform or online who. Are in what looks like their dream relationship or a secure, healthy relationship, and they do use it as their main form of marketing for their business. And whilst there is nothing wrong with that, it makes sense, right? To show the end result in that way. That is. Not representative of so many people's reality and so many women's journey. There are so many of you who are questioning your sexuality, who are. Just getting back into dating after a divorce or after being in a really long-term relationship. So many of you're wanting to heal your anxious attachment and become secure within yourself, just to feel what it feels like. To be confidently independent and not need to rely on another person to feel happy in your life. You wanna just date, uh, be not dating for a while. Many of you just want to know what it feels like to be deeply connected to yourself again, right? There are so many nuances and different situations. You are all in. We are all in. And. I want to create a space, and I'm committed to creating a space where we can talk about this stuff and we can normalize it. Because the reality is, is dating is hard and dating can be a real head fuck, and it is messy and it's challenging and it's scary and all of the things, and I am the first person to say that. You know, I'm not here to pretend like dating is easy and. Yes, there are things that can make it so much easier, and there are things that will drastically increase your chances of having a more fulfilling, healthier dating life and better secure relationships. And I know that because that is what I teach inside my program peacefully attached. And these are the tools that I have applied to my own dating life that without a shadow of a doubt, have made the biggest difference in my life and have truly helped me heal. My anxious attachment style, but still at the end of the day, dating is challenging because you are not always fully in control. Right. There are so many moving parts and humans are so dynamic and multifaceted that it, it does take time to, to find the right person and then when you do find them to hold that relationship and to not sabotage it. Or, I don't know, mess it up because you're not used to having a safe relationship and your nervous system is wide for chaos, and you wanna sabotage it because you'd rather go back to a familiar chaos than an unfamiliar piece. So I'm gonna say it. Relationships are challenging. Dating is challenging. It's also wonderful and liberating and enjoyable and pleasurable, and all of the things my friend. So I hope that if you are in one of those places in your life where you are on your healing journey and you are taking steps to evolve, which I hope you are, but you still haven't found the one and you're still trying to figure it out. I hope you feel seen and safe in my community because I get it, and I'm here to support you and I'm here to share the ins and outs of my journey. With you and to, to really guide you to where you wanna get to, um, and also to continue to teach you the steps of how to go from anxious to secure. Because at the end of the day, that is my bread and butter. That is the foundation of what I do, and there's a big reason why I do it because above all else, that has been the biggest part of my healing journey and the biggest transformation that has impacted. My entire life, not just my romantic relationships, but every facet of my life. So two, my anxiously attached kings and queens, my people stick around because there is so much more juice coming to you on those topics and all of these new topics. I'm gonna wrap it up there. But I really just wanted to get that off my chest and into your ears and open up this conversation and let you know where I'm at and remind you that I'm human and I still experience all the same challenges as you. So again, if this resonates, I would love to hear your story. Come and say hi. Let's keep the conversation going. All right, my friends. Have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.