Ep #44: Why Low Self-Worth Makes You Chase High-Intensity Relationships

In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on one of the most addictive and confusing patterns for anxiously attached women; the chase for high-intensity relationships. You know the ones: the mixed signals, the emotional rollercoasters, the butterflies that feel electric… but end up leaving you anxious, exhausted, and questioning your worth.

I’m breaking down why those “sparks” you’re chasing aren’t actually chemistry, they’re activation. You’ll learn how low self-worth wires you to confuse chaos with connection, why your nervous system keeps choosing what’s familiar over what’s healthy, and how to finally reprogram your body to crave calm, consistent, emotionally safe love.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
• How low self-worth makes the bare minimum feel impressive
• The difference between intensity and intimacy — and how to tell the two apart
• What it really means when calm feels “boring”
• Tangible steps to rewire your nervous system and build real self-worth
• How to slow your dating pace and raise your emotional standards for love

🎧 Tune in now — this one’s going to help you connect the dots between your self-worth, your attraction patterns, and your healing journey.

💫 Ready to break the pattern for good?
Learn the full process inside my signature program, Peacefully Attached. Full details here: https://www.mimiwatt.com/ 

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Transcript

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You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hello my friends. Welcome back to the club. In today's episode, I wanna talk to you about the high intensity relationships that you may be chasing, the pattern that you may be stuck in that has been going on for years and years, essentially just. Way too long. Today's episode is speaking to you. If you find yourself constantly drawn to the types of people who give mixed signals. You know the people who say one thing, like how much they like you and how much they're into you and how much they wanna spend time with you, but then they're really inconsistent in their texting. They take two days to get back to you. They're not initiating the next time you're gonna hang out. Just mix signals all round. Or the classic situationship that feels like an emotional rollercoaster. So maybe. You are initially getting involved with people who are saying that they're not looking for anything too serious. They want something casual, and you end up going along with it because you hope that if you spend enough time with them and they get to know you, that they will just change their mind. If you are in these patterns, you probably feel a really strong sense of chemistry with these types of people and. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the chemistry that you feel isn't necessarily chemistry. It's more a hormonal reaction or chemical reaction in the body that is actually derived from a low self-worth. And I can tell you this from personal experience because I used to be that girl, that woman who was so addicted to these high intensity relationships where it was hot and it was steamy and the chemistry just felt off the charts. But I could always tell that the, the guys that I was dating, there was this sort of. Bad boy energy or something about them that my intuition or my subconscious could tell that I was gonna have to work hard to win them over. They give you just enough attention to feel special, but they also make you work for it. And I was truly. Addicted to this chaos, I couldn't get enough of it. And I repeated this pattern of dating people like this for years. Like ever since my early relationships began, probably around 17 years old. I'm gonna say for a good decade this happened. So I'm talking from personal experience and I want you to. Take this episode really not as something to feel ashamed of because my intention is never to shame you. I know that with anxious attachment, there can be a lot of shame around the patterns that we repeat because on the one hand, you do know better. But on the other hand, on a very strong hand, you struggle to actually break those patterns because it just sometimes feels impossible. So there is no shame in this. This is really about waking you up to why this pattern is truly going on and how to break it. So we're gonna go into what high intensity really means. So what does that look like in dating and relationships? We are gonna go into the self-worth link. So how is your self-worth directly correlated with chasing these high intensity relationships? We're gonna go into why you keep choosing it, even though you know better, what healthy attraction feels like, and then how to break the pattern. So I'm gonna be giving you some tangible steps, some actionable steps that you can take straight from this episode and start. Implementing into your life. So it's gonna be great. It's gonna be juicy. And without further ado, let's dive in. Let's start with defining what high intensity really means, because a lot of people don't actually realize they're addicted to intensity. They just think that they've finally met the one, or because you have so many butterflies going on, like surely this must be something special. Yeah. But the butterflies that you feel in your stomach. Cannot always be trusted. In fact, we need to be very skeptical of the butterflies in our stomach because nine times out of 10, it is not that you have met someone who is perfect for you. It's that you have met someone who feels familiar to your subconscious and your nervous system starts sprinting a thousand miles an hour because. It's like, yes, I've experienced this before. I recognize this person's type of behavior. I can sense that we are going to repeat a pattern here. And that's what I love. That's what my brain loves, is to repeat patterns. So high intensity relationships look like someone who's hot and cold. Really hot one minute, really into you being really lovey and affectionate and then they're cold the next. Suddenly they just switch and go quiet, or they pull away and you're like, what the fuck just happened? It's someone who gives you just enough affection to keep you hooked, but never enough for you to feel safe. It's someone who sends a paragraph of text one day and then disappears the next, which is just such a mind fuck. When they're sending paragraph after paragraph, pouring their heart out to you, telling you their deepest, darkest secrets, and then they go quiet the next few days, it's like emotional whiplash. It's someone who builds emotional intimacy way too fast and then pulls away like you imagined the whole thing. Which is probably one of the worst. It's the equivalent of love bombing. It's unpredictable. It's inconsistent, and it's creating that, as I said, that emotional whiplash. That your anxious attachment system mistakes for chemistry. I guess I'm just gonna say that again. It creates the emotional whiplash that your anxious attachment system mistakes for chemistry. So what you are feeling in these situations isn't attraction, it's activation. And activation is a term that we use that is, in the same family as when you're triggered. When you're triggered, you feel your body go into that high intense fight or flight. Shaky state. This is the same as what we're talking about when we say you are activated. It's your body lighting up because the uncertainty that these types of people are creating hits every single button wired into you since childhood. Or since your early relationships, those buttons that say, I need to work to be chosen. I need to earn love. And this is specifically for people with an anxious attachment because you are much more likely to be attracted to these kinds of people and more likely to be highly activated because of these childhood wounds that say, I need to work to be chosen and I need to earn love. It's one of the biggest dopamine loops that you can get stuck in. So when you are waiting to hear from them, they've gone quiet, and then you finally get a text from them. After 48 hours, you see their name pop up on your phone, and the flood of dopamine that you get through your body is like you are on a drug. It's so intense. I remember, I will never forget. When I first started dating my ex, which is the ex who was. Extremely avoidant. I was very much anxiously attached to this person, and this was the relationship that when we broke up, it was the catalyst to uncovering all of the work that I teach now. But when we first started dating, he was that one who just, the chemistry was insane, like. I was stalking this guy's Instagram 24 7, looking at pictures of him rereading our text messages like he had me hook, line and sink. And before we became official, we had been seeing each other and it was clear that we were, into each other. But then he went away over Christmas with a friend of his on this surfing, camping trip and. There was also another girl that went on this trip, so it was the three of them. You can imagine what that did for my anxious attachment style. It was amazing and. We had been texting while he was away, but he kept saying, oh, the reception isn't very good, so I'll get back to you when I can. And I was on holidays from work, so you can imagine I had all this time on my hands that I was, felt like I was going crazy. And I remember this one particular day that I was at home with my older sister we were talking all about him. I was telling her everything. Getting so excited. And she could see that I started to get really deflated and defeated because I was desperate to hear back from him. It wasn't until I would hear back that I would feel good again. And I remember it had been, I think like over a day, maybe it had been two days. And I was waiting to hear back from him, and I'm asking her for reassurance. I'm like, do you think everything's okay? Do you think he still likes me? Have I said too much? Have I done the wrong thing? And she's trying to calm me down and give me all the reassurance and I'm feeling like shit. And then she was in the kitchen, I think, making some lunch, and I was in my bedroom and. Lo and behold, his name popped up on my phone, text message from him, and the reaction I had was the equivalent of a teenage girl, like who would be obsessed with, I don't know, Justin Bieber, and then sees him lie at concert. Right? Absolutely screaming, squealing. I remember I jumped up and I was running down the hallway, like screaming out to my sister with so much excitement, so much irrational excitement, just being like, oh my God. He messaged, he messaged, he messaged, and I think I even tripped over my pants as I was running down the hallway and it was just. You'd think some something major had happened, but that's how it felt because I was so activated by this person that my mood was completely dependent on how much attention he did or didn't, or sorry, did or did not give me. So I was bonding through intensity. Not true intimacy, and it's so wild because you will know if you are already resonating with this, that the chaos feels so damn good in the moment. The chase, the hope, the fantasizing about what your relationship is going to look like when they finally choose you, it's fucking intoxicating and it gives you this hit of validation that feels like oxygen. It's almost like when they're not choosing you, when they're not giving you attention, you are starving for oxygen your self worth is really destabilized and shaky because you're looking for any bit of attention from them as a sign that you are good enough and that you are worthy. And for an onlooker, someone who's not in this anxious avoidant loop or chasing these high intensity relationships, they. From the outside looking in, we will say to you, you know, why the, what the fuck are you doing? Like, this guy seems shady, or, you know, maybe you shouldn't be moving this quickly. Like, why do you keep going back for more if they're not, you know, showing up for you the way that you deserve? And the reason you keep going back for more is not because you're deeply connected to this person, but because your body is hooked on the adrenaline that the dynamic is creating internally. Yeah, so you might think you're in love. You might be going around to all your friends telling them, I know this sounds crazy, but I literally think I'm in love. I think I love this person. No you're not. No you don't. You are in a hormonal hostage situation is what is going on, and you've probably been confusing that adrenaline with compatibility for years. Cast your mind back over your relationship history. How many times have you felt this way? Where your body tricked you into thinking that this person was so amazing and you put them up on a pedestal, and a few months later you find out that that was absolutely not the case. You're confusing the adrenaline with compatibility thinking, if I'm not obsessed, it must not be real. So you've gotten into that pattern of the obsession with someone is what makes it seem real. But meanwhile, the person who would actually treat you with care and consistency feels boring because your system doesn't know what calm feels like yet. So this is why you might've met someone who you're like, yeah, they're really nice. Like they seem like a really good guy or a really nice girl. But I don't know, it just doesn't feel, I'm just not feeling it. I'm just bored. When they might actually be an extremely good match for you and genuinely compatible, but you're overlooking these people because your body is so hooked on the feeling of adrenaline, that it's straight up just dismissing anyone who feels safe. You're like, no, no, no. They definitely must not be my person because I don't feel anything. So to sum this section up, you're not drawn to them. You're drawn to the intensity that they create inside you, and it's not a healthy intensity. This is an unhealthy intensity that we want to learn to tame and regulate and basically eliminate because it's never leading anywhere. Good. Now let's talk about the self-worth link. Let's understand truly. Why this keeps happening, and I want to define or give you some examples of what low self-worth looks like. And again, this is not to shame you. This is just to help you better understand yourself and where you are at right now in your journey. When you have low self-worth, it makes the bare minimum feel impressive. You clinging to crumbs of attention because on some level, deep down you believe that that's all you deserve, that that's the best you're gonna get. You interpret inconsistency as proof that you need to work harder. Not as a sign that this is unhealthy, this isn't what I want, and leaving. You interpret someone else's inconsistency as proof that you need to work harder to somehow win them over and win their consistency. When you have low self-worth, you will see mixed signals as a challenge. So sort of similar to the last point, not a red flag, how you take it on as a personal challenge to overcome, to get them to be consistent and to stop playing games. And you think that if you can win this person, it means you are finally enough. And most of the time this is going on subconsciously. You're not actually sitting there in your head thinking, if I can win this person over, it'll prove that I'm enough. We don't really think that way consciously, you know, 90% of the time this is happening unconsciously or subconsciously. It's your belief system and your conditioning that's running the show. And this is something, all of these things that I've just listed is something I used to struggle with a lot. It really was the, the play by play of my relationships when I had low self-worth. It meant that I, I just didn't think I was that valuable. I didn't think I was anything special or I was that great or that I could be someone who. Was worthy of having all the things that I wanted or having an incredibly loving, loyal, secure partner. I didn't see myself with enough value, and I didn't hold enough self-respect for who I am, so therefore, I just didn't have high expectations. I didn't have high standards. An analogy that I've given in the past is. Imagine yourself as a car, okay? When you have low self-worth, you might be. Imagining that you are like a, an old sort of beat up Toyota Corolla and you've got, duct tape holding some of the pieces onto the car. The indicators don't work and the seats are sort of falling apart internally. And when you have a car like that, you don't really care so much how it gets treated. Do you. If someone spills a bit of food or a bit of drink, you're like, oh, whatever, it's fine. The car's a mess anyway. If someone wants to get in the car with dirty shoes on or dirty feet, you're probably not gonna stress that much because the carpets are already dirty. There's a higher tolerance for, being mistreated or not being taken care of. Because you don't see the car you are in as valuable or worth much. But when we have high self-worth to keep with the analogy, imagine yourself as a brand new Porsche, it's top of the line. It has all the leather interiors. It's sleek. There's not a scratch on it. There's no dust on it. It's in pristine condition. How are you going to treat that car? You're not just gonna let anyone in, you're gonna make sure that they respect the car, that they're gonna take care of it. When they're in this space, you're gonna make sure they brush off their shoes before they get in. You're not gonna let them come in there with greasy fingers eating McDonald's in the car, are you? No. And you're not gonna park it under some giant tree that's gonna drop leaves and crap all over it. You're gonna take such good care of this car. Because you respect this car, because you see the value in this car. And that's sort of the difference of how we approach and think of ourselves when we have an inherent low self-worth versus a high self-worth. And so for many, many years I thought of myself unknowingly as that beat up Toyota Corolla and. I thought that chaos in relationships meant passion, which therefore meant love, which therefore meant I'm meant to be with this person for the rest of my life. And this went on until I realized many years later that it wasn't passion. It was my nervous system recreating what felt familiar. And so this brings us into. The next portion of this episode, which is why you keep choosing these types of partners and relationships, even though you know better. You are an intelligent individual. You are listening to this podcast for one. So you like to educate yourself, you like to understand your patterns, and you like to understand the type of relationship that you want to be stepping into. You know, you should be treated better, that you deserve better, and you even try to demand it in your relationships. You try to set those boundaries or have those standards, but despite all of your best efforts, it keeps happening. When you're in the moment, when it comes down to it, when you're in these dynamics with these high intense chemistry situations. It's like your patterns and your body just override everything that your logical brain knows. And there's a very good reason for this. And it's not because you are weak or you know when your friends and family say like, why can't you just get over them? Why can't you just leave them? Can't you see how much they're like, they're treating you like shit. Why are you staying? It's like, yes, I understand that, but there's almost like this feeling that when you are right in the crux of this situation, you don't know how to put it into words as to why you feel like you can't leave. So I just really wanna validate that feeling for you, if that's what you're experiencing. The reason this is happening is because the high intensity of these dynamics mirrors your childhood patterns. If you are anxiously attached, it's very likely that you had emotional inconsistencies in your childhood, maybe even physical presence, inconsistencies. So your parents being there for you both physically and emotionally. There was a lot of inconsistencies there. Maybe there was a lot of, your feelings not being validated. Not feeling seen or heard by your parents, or only feeling seen and heard when you did really well when you were a good girl or a good boy, you only get that attention if you do X, Y, Z. So it's conditional. The high intensity is mirroring something that feels familiar to your subconscious and whatever is familiar to us. Equals safe. Even if it's not actually safe in the present day when things have changed, your body's survival mechanisms will still be there by default. So this is your mistaking the emotional rollercoasters for deep connection, because when we were children, the deepest connection we had was to our parents, or at least the deepest connection we wanted to have. Was to our parents. Yeah. Their love and attention is the most important, valuable thing to us. And when we're children, we don't have the awareness yet to understand that when our parents aren't giving us love or attention, or they're not validating how we feel, they're not being present with us or don't have the awareness to understand that that's not a reflection. Of, of you and your worth. It's a reflection of your parent or that person's lack of capacity just to be there for you emotionally, or it's a lack of their emotional intelligence or their understanding of what you needed at the time, and a lack of capacity or ability to give that to you. So we don't have that as children, so we just internalize. These gaps in emotional support or in love as there must be something wrong with me. I must for sure be the problem because my parent isn't the problem. They are like, I look up to them. They're, you know, my heroes, so it must be me. And that's when the part of you is formed that believes that love is something you have to earn, not something you just receive as your birthright. When these wounds are inflicted upon you as a child, okay, so well think of all of those little moments where you didn't get the love you needed, you didn't get the reassurance, the comfort or the validation you were craving it never got resolved. Think of it as a forming a small wound. And over time, the more that this happens with your parents, the bigger that wound gets. And so. When those wounds go unresolved, we carry them into our childhood. We carry those same wounds and we are always trying to heal them through someone who feels similar to our parents. So that's why you're attracting people who also are inconsistent with you, who also maybe don't validate how you feel or who gaslight you and make you feel like you are the problem. Your subconscious is drawn to these people because you have this idea in your mind that, okay, this person, if I can just win this person over, it'll finally heal that wound. I carry deep, deep inside of myself and I'll finally. Be good enough, and because feeling loved is so crucial to our survival and wellbeing as humans, it makes so much sense that you keep prioritizing these high intensity relationships because your nervous system is just trying to do what it's designed to do. It's trying to get love. But now that we are building this awareness, we get to recognize that there is a better way to go about it. You get to recognize that you are not that 5-year-old girl anymore. You are not that child, and you don't have to self abandon in order to win over these people who are never going to give you the love that you need. There's a better way. Your brain is just choosing what feels familiar over what feels healthy. So let's go into that. What does healthy attraction actually feel like? If we think about intensity, high intensity in relationships, healthy relationships and security will often feel like the opposite. They're going to feel calm. Steady, clear, predictable. In the best way. There's going to be effortless communication, emotional consistency, slow grounded connection and attraction that grows with emotional safety instead of adrenaline. If calm feels boring to you. Hear me when I say that is not necessarily a compatibility issue. If you meet someone who. On paper is so great. They tick so many boxes. They have all the green flags. They're even attractive. But the, because they're so safe, they make you feel so safe and they're emotionally available, they are consistent. They do the things they say they're going to do. If you are finding that boring or thinking there's no, um, there's nothing special here. That is a healing opportunity. And trust me, because I know what this feels like when I, I took a year off dating after that big breakup, and I spent a lot of time educating myself and putting all of the work that I teach into practice to move away from the part of me or not to move away from the part of me, but to heal the part of me and work with the part of me. That was drawn to these high intensity relationships. I spent a whole year focusing on healing those wounds and tending to them and building my relationship with myself so that when I got back out in dating, I was going to be starting from a much stronger foundation of high self-worth. But still, when I met someone who I then got into a relationship with who this, this guy was. Secure, he was emotionally available, he was ticking all the boxes. He was consistent. Like I could not fault this guy. I could not fault him, but I remember really grappling with myself.'cause I could tell that part of me was wanting to pull away or end it before it had a real chance of anything coming of it, because it was so safe and predictable. And I thought, wait, what? Like, is, is this it? Is this how it feels? This, this kind of relationship that I've been asking for and wanting for so long, and it feels like, uh, I just, I can trust what he says and I know what is around the corner. Like I, you know, it was really bizarre and I had to, honestly, I had to have a very good talking to myself. I had to catch myself wanting to sabotage it, and I said, Mimi, this is the work. This is the kind of partner that you have wanted for so long and it's right in front of you. Thanks to all the work that you've done. You have been, you have attracted someone in who is on this level because you are now on this level, and now let's not fuck it up. Let's expand our capacity to actually hold a relationship that is safe and secure. Do not be so quick to dismiss people that feel like this. This is where we wanna get curious and break the pattern of the high intensity relationships. So let's go into some tangible actions of how we can begin to do this. Number one, and I recommend doing this, ideally, when you're not currently in one of these high intensity situation, chip or. Basically we want to do this work when we are not. In an environment or in a dynamic where we are going to constantly be triggered and reactivated. So it's like we need to remove the stimulus, so to speak, that is making us feel so activated. When we have done that. We want to raise the bar. So this is where you get to get clear on your emotional non-negotiables. Getting clear on your red flags, reflecting on. Past relationships and looking at what are the red flags that I know that I overlooked with all of these people. What are your orange flags? So your orange flags are gonna be things that aren't immediate deal breakers, but they're things that if they happen, you know, you want to catch, like take note of them and maybe address it if it becomes a pattern. So maybe the red flag is. If you are setting the intention that you want to call in a committed relationship, and they say to you, yeah, I'm just like not really sure what I'm looking for. I'm not really sure if I want a relationship. I kind of want more casual, but like maybe open to it. Okay, that's a red flag right there. I'm not even gonna entertain this person because they're pretty much telling you straight up, they don't want what you want. An orange flag. Maybe you are dating someone who does want the same things as you, and for the most part, things are going really well, but you notice that they. It kind of changed the subject subtly. When you try to go into sort of deeper conversations, like you're trying to get a bit vulnerable, you're trying to talk about your emotions, so they're not immediately dismissing you or shutting you down or anything like that, but they're not really going to that depth with you and they're kind of changing the subject. Now, this doesn't mean that you have to, end it right away, but this is something that you would want to mentally clock and just take note of. And if it happens again and again, like if a couple more times, you'd wanna address it with them, bring it up. Talk about how you're noticing this and how you would love to go deeper with them and then see how they respond. You wanna get clear on your green flags. So what are the great healthy signs that are going to tell you that this person is meeting that new bar that you have set? So what kind of communication do you wanna have in your ideal relationship? How do they make you feel when you're together? How do you feel when you're not with them? In their absence? Raise the bar and decide and define what your emotional nongo, emotional non-negotiables are. That's a mouthful. Tip number two is to slow the pace of your connections. Intensity loses power. When you're not rushing. So this is one of the best ways to set yourself up for success. To not get into a high intensity relationship, is you wanna be setting boundaries around how often you are speaking to this person, how often you are seeing them. This is critical in the early stages of dating. If you have a pattern of getting. Hot and heavy and going all in a million miles an hour in the beginning, then it's your responsibility to look at the ways that you were doing that and then set boundaries to ensure you don't repeat that pattern in the future. So looking at boundaries around the amount of communication, how often you're speaking or seeing each other, how much you are revealing emotionally, like how deep you're going and how quickly. Keeping in mind this person is a stranger, they do not, you do not owe them your entire heart in the first few weeks of dating. So slow the pace. This is also going to show you who is the real deal and who's not. Because the people who like these high intensity relationships, these toxic bonds, they're gonna get bored pretty fucking quickly if you are not giving them back the same level of intensity that they're giving to you. So it's a natural way to filter out the wrong people and to highlight the right people who also like the slow pace or the slow burn. Tip number three is to regulate before you relate. And when I say relate, this is how you be before you respond to someone or before you want to have a little check in, or if something happens where you feel activated or triggered. We need to make sure we are regulating, self-regulating our nervous system before we respond because the secure version of you responds from groundedness, not panic. When we are in that state of panic, our emotions are high and our intelligence is low. And that's often why when you react and you say something in the heat of the moment, when you're really emotional, you'll often later regret it because you weren't in a clear head headspace, your intelligence was low,'cause your emotional body was taking over in that moment. So self-regulate before you respond. Tip number four is to build self-worth outside of dating. This is one of the most important and impactful things we can do, especially as you are on your journey of going from anxiously attached to secure is really prioritizing and nurturing other important pillars in your life outside of dating. Before you're dating and also during, so looking at your friendships, are you devoting time to your friendships even while you're dating? Are you sticking to your routines? The routines that make you feel grounded and anchored and really good in your life outside of dating? So maybe that's your morning routine of going to the gym and then meditating afterwards. Maybe it's that you like to go on, a 60 minute walk a few times a week, and that helps you to remain really grounded in your life and better equipped to handle the everyday stresses of life. Is there a certain time that you know that you need to go to bed by to get enough sleep to be able to function at your optimal capacity in the day? Are there things that you like to do, hobbies that you have that fill up your cup and make you really happy as an individual? Maybe you are really into reading, or maybe you like to go surfing or like whatever it is for you. You need to make sure you are pouring into these hobbies and maintaining them. Because if we let all of these things fall to the wayside, when you meet someone that you are interested in, what's going to happen is you're going to put all of your emotional eggs into one basket. And this is when we make our emotional wellbeing and happiness dependent on the other person. Which can lead to things like clinging, latching on chasing, feeling desperate for their attention because you've made them the sole proprietor over your wellbeing. We need to make sure we are maintaining the things outside of dating that feel really good and that give you a high sense of self-worth. What are the things that make you feel great within yourself? Number five is to rewire your nervous system to recognize safety. This one's really important because if your body only knows how to respond to chaos, or if it wants to keep being in that state of emotional chaos and high intensity, then anything that feels calm. Is going to feel foreign to your nervous system. It's even can feel threatening. It can actually feel unsafe, ironically. And so this is where we need to look at what is coming up in those quieter moments. How are we working with our emotions and feeling activated without. Rushing to that person for comfort or reassurance or validation. How are we expanding our ability to stay regulated, grounded, calm, and trusting when we are in a new relationship or a connection with someone that feels safe? So rewiring your nervous system is about teaching your body that consistency, clarity, and emotional availability aren't danger. They're actually safety. And this happens through repetition. So like I said, slowing the pace of dating when naturally you want to sprint. This looks like breathing instead of reacting. Using self-regulation tools to calm your body down. This means choosing the person who shows up for you instead of the one who plays games. And over time as you do this, your nervous system stops chasing the high of the intensity, and you will actually start craving the steadiness that you used to overlook. Those people that you used to write off, you'll actually start wanting them. And so this is more, much more than just mindset work. This is literally retraining your body to feel at home with the kind of love that you want, the kind of love that your brain is telling you that you want, that you keep saying to all your friends that you want. We need to help your body catch up to feeling safe, to be able to hold that kind of relationship. And all of this that I've just listed is exactly what I teach inside of peacefully attached. This is what we go deep on, that we are focusing on this is the work that we are doing. We are rebuilding your self worth. We are doing nervous system safety, we are getting emotional clarity. We are going over your attraction patterns and we are getting you set up to be able to hold. That secure, committed relationship that you are craving. If you feel the pull to wanna go deeper and to want to prioritize that work and do it with me in real time, then that's what we do inside peacefully attached. I will leave the link in the show notes to check out more about it, and if you want to apply to join, you can submit your application now for the next intake. So with all this being said. I want to just tie this up and put a little bow on it that's going to give you a new perspective to walk away from this episode with, I want you to remember that intensity is not true intimacy. It is not true intimacy because anything that feels that intense and makes that much adrenaline course through your body surely isn't safe. It's the equivalent of when we used to be chased by like a saber-tooth tiger. Back in caveman days. Our heart is racing. We have that full on adrenaline. It's not sustainable. It's not healthy, Your nervous system shouldn't have to go to war. To feel chosen, you shouldn't have to completely abandon yourself and what you need to win someone over. Healthy relationships are hot. Okay? Despite what you might think right now, they are amazing. You just haven't experienced enough of it yet or gotten yourself to the point where you feel safe to hold it, but I promise you it is possible. Take these steps that I've given you in this episode and start putting them into practice just from this episode. If you start putting this into practice, it is going to, without a doubt, make a difference and an impact in your dating life and in increasing. Your self worth so that you stop chasing these high intensity relationships. This is the work, my friends. If you got value from this episode, and maybe you can think of a friend who you know would benefit from hearing this episode, send it their way. Make their day, give them all this value in this gold and if it made a positive impact on you, then I would love to hear about it. Send me a D on Instagram. Also, if you ever have any questions about peacefully attached, if you are considering joining one day and you just wanna talk to me about if it's right for you or you have any questions, my dms on Instagram are always open and I'm happy to answer any questions that you have. Alright, my friends, that is it for today. You have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.