Ep #45: How to Believe Your Dream Relationship Is Actually Possible For You

In this episode, we’re diving into a question almost every woman on the anxious-to-secure path quietly struggles with: “How do I believe the partner I truly want actually exists… and that I’m not delusional for wanting it?” This conversation was sparked by a powerful question from a Peacefully Attached client who had just finished painting a beautiful, detailed vision of her ideal partner, and then immediately felt like it was too good to be true.

If you’ve ever felt that too? You’re in the right room, my friend. I break down why your brain resists believing in healthy, aligned love, how past evidence from anxious dating patterns distorts what feels possible, and why your job is never to figure out how it will happen, only to become the woman who can hold it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why your brain resists believing in healthy, secure love, and how cognitive dissonance shows up when you raise your standards.
• Why you don’t need past evidence to desire (or receive) the relationship you want.
• How to embody the qualities you’re calling in and become an energetic match for aligned love.
• The difference between grounded self-belief and “delusion,” and how to stay committed when fear tells you to settle.
• How to trust timing, release the grip on the “how,” and let dating feel calmer and easier.

👉🏽Join my free training EMERGE here: https://www.mimiwatt.com/emerge-masterclass-opt-in-landing-page

This is your final free training of 2025, and I’m taking you through the exact framework to break self-sabotaging patterns, raise your standards, and become the secure, self-led woman your future relationship needs.

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Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) on Instagram HERE!

Transcript

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You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hi friends. Welcome back to the Club. I hope you're having a beautiful morning or evening whenever you are listening to this today's episode. I want to address a question that one of my beautiful clients actually asked me during the week. So she's been doing a lot of work on clarifying her ideal partner, which is one of the modules we cover in peacefully attached, and she posted in our community portal and she said. I didn't have any trouble writing it down. It actually seems like I know very well what I want and I can get very specific. The problem is that when I put it into words, it seems almost too good to be true. If I look at each point individually, it's fine, but when I put them all together, like pieces of a puzzle, creating this vision of my future partner, it feels impossible for me to believe that I can attract someone like that. Or that a person like that even exists. It feels too good to be true. It feels like my standards are too high, like I'm lying to myself like I should lower my desires and expectations because otherwise I'll never meet anyone. She asked, how can I feel safe in my desires? How can I feel safe believing that it is possible to attract a person like this? And this was just such a great question, and I'm sure you are probably nodding your head as I'm reading this being like, mm-hmm. Tell me, tell me how I feel safe in believing that this is actually possible. Because it's very valid that when you are. In this phase of growing, out of your anxious attachment and you're becoming secure within yourself, there is gonna be this chapter of time where you do struggle to believe that the ideal partner and the ideal relationship that you are spending time getting clear on is possible for you. So actually, I sent an answer to her in the portal, but I wanna riff on it here on the podcast today and ex. Band on my answer for her, but also for all of you listening, because I think it's a conversation that's gonna be really valuable for you and, give you that bit of inspiration and hope and assurance that you need to not lower your standards and to not settle for less than you deserve. Okay? Because we are not about that. But before I go into. The bulk of the episode, I do just wanna let you know that in two, no, tomorrow when you are listening to this, tomorrow I'm hosting a brand new free training called Emerge, and this training is the last free training that I'm running for the year 2025. And I'm putting it on because honestly, the energy that. Was surrounded and that came from the free training that I did a little over a month ago now called Integrate, was so fricking powerful and fun and amazing, and you guys loved it so much that I decided, you know what? Fuck it. Let's go out with a bang for 2025, and I'm bringing another free training. And this one is all about how to break free from self sabotaging patterns that really block you from calling in the type of secure relationship that you want, and how to step into. The secure self-led woman, your future relationship needs, and this is critical because you know, you've probably heard me say this before, that the relationship you have with yourself, the way you are leading yourself, the way you are showing up in your life, the energy you are carrying, the decisions you are making, the mindset you have, all of it. It is the foundation of the type of relationship you are going to call in in a romantic partner. And if you are looking to level up the type of person you call in, if you wanna attract that person who is on your level, who gets what you're about, who wants to meet your needs, who anticipates what you need and can meet that who goes above and beyond, not just for some short term three month situationship, but who genuinely wants that long term committed relationship. A relationship where you feel safe and secure and confident and fulfilled. You guys are laughing. The sex is amazing. You just have that deep connection. If you want all of that, then we need to get you stepping forward as the secure version of you, the person who is self led in your life. And you can probably hear the passion coming through my voice because this is everything my friend. This is everything, and I'm going to be taking you through my proven framework in this masterclass that is required for you to become this secure version of yourself and attract healthy love. In the masterclass, are going to uncover the everyday habits that are quietly pulling you out of your power in dating. The ones that you rarely notice, but that heavily shape the way that you show up in dating and relationships. So there's a whole plethora of these sneaky, subtle self-sabotaging patterns and, and, uh, habits that many of you are doing in your day-to-day life right now. And we need to call them out and put a spotlight on them so that you can stop them because they are getting in the way of the relationship you want. We are also going to uncover the deeper forces that are keeping you stuck in the anxious avoidant loop. So what is the deeper reason why these self-sabotaging patterns are going on in the first place? Which is essential to know because if we don't uncover these deeper forces, then. If we are only addressing those more superficial self-sabotaging habits, it's kind of like a bandaid over a bullet wound, right? So we're gonna get to the crux of what is really keeping you stuck in these loops. You don't wanna be in, in dating, and you're going to get the proven step-by-step framework required, as I said, to become secure within yourself and attract healthy love. It's gonna be fun. It is gonna be interactive. It's going to be live on the 3rd of December. 2025. So it's literally, if you're listening to this, the day that this podcast comes out, it is tomorrow and it is at 6:00 PM Australian Eastern Daylight time. There's many of you in my audience who are actually in the UK and the last masterclass I did was at 4:00 PM my time, which was 5:00 AM your time, and so many of you wanted to be there live, but you, it was just a little bit too early. So I have heard. I've heard your requests. I have listened and I'm delivering, so I've pushed it back two hours my time, so it's gonna be 7:00 AM for you if you're in the uk. I'm sorry. I dunno. All the other time zones off the top of my head, it's not my strong suit, but it is 6:00 PM Australian Eastern Daylight Time, and I would love to have you join us for this final training of 2025. It's going to be amazing. And for those of you who register and join us, there is also going to be an incredible special bonus offer that you. Do not want to miss. So I'm gonna leave the link for you to sign up and secure your spot in the show notes below. Alright, now that that's outta the way, let's get into the bulk of this episode. Circling back to the question that my beautiful client brought to me during the week. So we're talking about when you start to paint a really clear picture of the type of partner that you ideally would like to be with, the type of relationship you would like to co-create, and then being hit with this brick wall of a feeling or a thought that says. How the fuck is this even possible for me? I don't know if I can actually believe that there is a person out there like this, let alone that they would choose me. And I first off, just wanna validate how normal this is, that you feel this way. Because any time in life when we are trying to. Up level or reach a new goal, reach a new level of success, which this could be described as a new level, right? An upgrade in your relationships. We are going to experience what is called cognitive dissonance, which basically means there is a gap in between where you are right now and where you want to be, and your mind is having a hard time. Grappling with the gap in between. And the way that our brain works is when we're, look, when we're working with our conscious brain, it loves to operate based off evidence. If you have been operating from a certain. Mindset, a certain standard in your relationships. Up until now, you've likely created a shit ton of evidence to support the thought or the belief that, relationships aren't that great for you, or you get mistreated in relationships, or you always have to chase the person that you want a relationship with, or you know, X, Y, Z, whatever it is for you. And you've created a lot of evidence to support that because you've been operating up until now with an anxious attachment style that has been running the show and. When your anxious attachment style is in the driver's seat, you are obviously going to be chasing emotionally unavailable people and therefore having pretty lackluster relationship experiences. And so everyone that you are dating or have dated is likely going to be proving this perception of relationships to be true. When you have this shiny new theory in front of you of, oh, this is the relationship I want to call in your brain is going to challenge you and say, oh yeah, show me the fucking evidence. This is what your brain is gonna be doing and it's going to feel confronting and you're going to feel there's a struggle there.'cause you're like, well. I don't, scu none. I don't have any to show you. So yeah, I don't really know what to say. And then in that moment, what the most tempting thing to do is, is to go, well, it just must not be possible. So I'm gonna lower my standards and. Cross a few things off this list that I would really want or that are really important to me, and I'll just settle for something that's mediocre, because that's probably more likely to happen, or it's probably more possible than this amazing person who I've written about over here. This is a very black and white way of thinking. It's a very all or nothing way of thinking and approaching what's possible for you in your life. Now, you've probably heard people talk about, I think there was a bit of a trend going around. I don't know if it's still a thing, but we should bring it back where everyone on TikTok and Instagram was talking about this theory of being d Lulu. be delusional with the things that you want. And it sort of pertains to the, this idea that sometimes in life the best way to approach things is almost with a sense of delusion, with this energy of let it not make rational sense. Because I'm sure there have been experiences in your life where things have happened in the most random. Unexpected, illogical way, and you might have said to yourself or to a friend, I never could have imagined that this is what would've happened in my life. Like looking back now, if I had told myself a year ago that, oh, this happened and this happened and this happened, I would not have believed it. For example, when I moved to Bali, I didn't know that that was gonna happen until five weeks before it did. And before then, I had never even thought about moving to Bali. It was never even a construct in my mind. I'd never previously had the desire, but it came into my reality. And when it did, I was like, oh, fuck yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. It made sense then. And that's just one example of so many things that have happened for me personally in my life where I couldn't have a. Guess it was going to happen and it, these experiences have ended up being some of the best, most rewarding character shaping, fulfilling life changing events. When you open up your mind from needing something to happen in a very, particular way. When we can shift out of that one dimensional thinking, what happens is you open yourself up to all different possibilities and ways as to how your desired result or relationship in this case can come into fruition. But when you're so attached to, it has to happen this way. Or if I don't meet this person in the next six months, then this is all bullshit and it's never gonna work and blah, blah, blah. But if you can open yourself up and say, I am open to this person walking into my life in whichever way it's meant to happen. And if you are, I don't know for you personally listening if you are. If you have a sense of, um, spirituality or maybe you don't and there's no right or wrong, but I personally am actually quite a spiritual person. I'm not sure if I really talk about that much or if you get that vibe from me, but I'm definitely a spiritual person and I believe that things happen for a reason and I believe they happen at the right time when they're supposed to, and that nothing is a coincidence. I think everything is synchronistic and if you open yourself up to things happening in, in any which way they're going to, life gets so much more fun and interesting, and you also can remove this grip that you might have on the rational or the logical way of things happening. And so this brings in a bit of the laws of manifestation, and I said this to my client. I said, when we are trying to manifest anything into our reality, your job is the what and the why, and the universe's job is the how. So I said to her, you are already doing your part here, which is getting crystal clear on exactly what it is that you want in a partner and a relationship right down to the details covering the head, heart, and physical intimacy checkpoints, which is what we do in peacefully attached. So getting crystal clear on what it is that you want and why you want it, why is it important to you? Why now in your life, what is different about this time in your life as opposed to all the years in the lead up to now? Getting clear on the what and the why. Setting that intention with your mind and your energy and your heart. And then releasing, letting go, saying to the universe, I surrender and I put my trust that you are going to sort it out and you are gonna deal with the how and our paths are gonna cross when they're supposed to. If you can open yourself up to the spiritual side of things, let go of the how it is not your job. It is not your responsibility to know how this ideal partner that you have in your mind is going to come into your reality. What is your responsibility? Because you do have a role to play in this co-creation, and that is about taking aligned action. With manifesting or becoming a match for something energetically. It's not about just saying what you want and why you want it, and then changing nothing about how you are actually showing up in the world. No, we need to start showing up and behaving and making decisions and taking action as the person who already has that result. So one of the things we do in this module in PA is we look at what are the qualities and characteristics of this dream partner, and then how can you begin to embody those same qualities and characteristics in your life today. So for example, if you want a partner who is very, expressive with how they feel. They have amazing open communication skills. They are comfortable having difficult or vulnerable conversations. If that is what you want in a partner, then it is your responsibility to look at how is my communication showing up in all of my relationships? And this is not just romantic, because how we do one thing is how we do everything. So How are you communicating to your family members when there's conflict? Are you looking for resolution? Are you hearing their perspective as well as sharing your own? Are you having patience or are you just reactive and you storm out and you shut down the conversation? If you have a conflict with one of your friends, and maybe they cross a boundary, are you reinforcing your boundaries or even setting boundaries to begin with? Where in your relationships could your communication skills be developed and improved? If you want a partner who makes you feel seen, who is present with you, who wants to make you happy and help fill up your cup and be supportive with you, how are you doing that for yourself? This is really important because a lot of my anxiously attached friends, and this used to be me, have this idea that, oh, when I meet my dream partner, then everything will be fixed and everything will be perfect, and I will finally feel safe and calm. No, that is not how it works. You need to be creating that sense of love, safety, and presence within yourself first, because if you are waiting for a partner to do that, number one, you're just not gonna be an energetic match for that type of partner. But number two, if you do happen to meet someone and you, they are secure and they're healthy or whatever, you meet someone. You get into a relationship, you are going to end up feeling more isolated, more unseen, and more alone in that relationship than when you were single because the downfall and the devastation of having this idea that, no, my partner is gonna make me feel amazing and they're gonna fix everything. And then when of course they don't'cause that's not how it works. You are like, what the fuck? That was my one hope. That was a thing that I thought was gonna solve all my problems, and that hasn't. Now what you see, how much more devastating that's gonna feel. So who you are being outside of your relationship is only going to be highlighted or exacerbated in a relationship. How are you showing up for yourself? Are you constantly avoiding and buffering your own emotions through scrolling 24 7, overeating? Binging Netflix all the time. Never taking a moment to have zero distractions. Are you giving yourself white space? white space being you literally are not consuming anything, doing anything. You are just being and tuning into how your body is feeling today. Are you giving your inner child some attention and asking them what they need? And then how are you meeting those needs? Are you showing up for yourself? Are you prioritizing your boundaries? Your downtime, your self-care, how are you filling up your buckets? This stuff matters. Then when you're going back into dating, how are you setting and maintaining standards? After you've done all this work inside pa. You are going to take this all out into the world, and either you're dating during doing this work or you're taking a break and then you're dating later. But either way, when you are actively dating, how are you applying and maintaining all of the changes that you have made? When you start dating someone you like and all of a sudden 10 red flags pop up. Or your gut says to you, something isn't right here. Maybe I can't describe it or put my finger on it yet, but something is not right. Are you listening to that? Are you paying attention? Are you acknowledging those red flags and taking them seriously, or are you ignoring them and bypassing them and saying, no, no, no, it's, it's all good. It's gonna be fine because your actions are going to say. Everything about the type of relationship you are truly ready to have. This is where some self-sabotage can come in and there's no judgment or shame. If you do have a little slip up and let's say you date someone for a little bit longer than maybe you know, you should have, but then you quickly realize that and you end it. That's okay. That's okay. As I've said in one of my previous episodes, we were talking about. Up. One of the key ingredients for success long term in having healthy relationships is consistency. And it's not consistency in being perfect or never having a slip up. It's being consistent in picking yourself up, learning from your mistakes, and getting back on track with the as, as the secure version of yourself. How are you being the type of person that you want to date when you are actively dating? One thing I always say is treat people the way that you want to be treated. If someone is not for you and you're not vibing, don't ghost them. Don't just go silent without an explanation. Be upfront and let them know the truth. Hey, it's been really nice getting to know you, but I'm actually not feeling enough of a connection for wanting to continue this. I really wish you all the best. Not that hard. It's uncomfortable. Yes. But if you would like someone else to give you that grace and give you the truth so that you don't sit there wondering what the hell happened and having no idea going crazy, then don't do that to someone else. All of this to say is that you do have a lot. Of power in becoming a match for the type of relationship that you want to call in. Absolutely How you are self-soothing, how you are regulating your emotions, how you are meeting your own needs, the relationship you have with your inner child, the standards you are maintaining for yourself personally and in all other relationships in your life. You have so much control. But when it comes down to it, when it comes down to how is this amazing person going to come into my life, you don't need to know that because you can't possibly know that. So focus on yourself. Focus on your journey, your life, your happiness, and your peace. And the right person is going to come in when they're supposed to. The last thing I wanna say on this is when you arrive at this point where you've done a lot of the work, you are really starting to shift into your secure self. You have a decision to make, and this is a decision, and that decision is, you can decide that. Okay, because maybe I can't see this person in front of me. I'm gonna decide to lower my standards and settle for something mediocre or against a relationship of this caliber yet, and I can't see this person yet. I'm going to choose to believe that it's out there and it's available to me. It is a choice, and whatever you focus on, you are going to find more evidence for. Okay. You'll hear me say where your focus goes, energy flows, and let me give you a little quick example to prove this theory. Right now, I want you, wherever you are, I want you to look around your environment. Maybe you're in a room, you're outside, and I want you to find everything that is the color brown. Have a look. What is brown? What can you see? Brown. Brown. Keep looking. I want you to find brown wherever you are. Brown. Okay, great. Now, did you see any red. No. Now I want you to look around your environment, wherever you are, and I want you to find everything that is the color red. Okay. You're seeing red. There's some more red, having a look around. Great. Did you see red? Yes. Because what you tell your brain to look for. You'll find evidence for, and I bet you when you were looking for the color brown, you maybe saw some beige and you told yourself, oh, that's brown. Because you wanted to feel successful in that task. You probably saw something that was maybe cream, but you told yourself, yeah, that's close enough to brown. Or maybe when you were looking for red, you saw some burgundy and you said, yeah, that's red.'cause you were looking for evidence to, to feel successful. See how powerful your mind is. Be very careful what you decide to focus on. If you focus on mediocrity and low standards and shitty partners, that is absolutely the experience you will attain if you focus on high caliber individuals, people who are fantastic, who are present, who are loving, who are emotionally available, who tick these boxes on your list, or who are even better than you could imagine. Those are the types of people you will spot, you will notice, and you will want to interact with and fight into your world. Hear me, feel me when I say this because it is absolutely true. Think about some of the amazing things that you have in your life, and at one point in time. Maybe you didn't believe that it could have been possible for you to have that thing or have that relationship or whatever. Of course, there was a time you didn't believe it because when our brain doesn't have evidence in front of it, it's gonna challenge you and it is gonna find it hard to believe it, but now you have it, and I promise you it's going to be the same for your relationships when you do this work. Visualize this relationship. Show your subconscious, this person feel into what it feels like to be in a relationship with them. How are you showing up? How are you spending your time together? How are you speaking with one another? Get visual. Experience it as if it's already here, and then start showing up as that version of you. You have got this, my friends. And again, if you are ready to go deeper and you want to get the step-by-step framework for exactly how to do this work, I invite you to join me at my free training. The 3rd of December, 6:00 PM Australian Eastern Daylight Time. My free training called Emerge. I'm gonna leave a link in the show notes for you to sign up and secure your spot and be there with us live. Okay, my friends, I hope this has been valuable for you and that it has hyped you up and got you feeling expanded about what is possible for you. You have a beautiful week, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.