Ep #47: How She Remembered Who She Was, Broke Toxic Cycles, And Reclaimed Her Power! Emma’s Journey Inside Peacefully Attached

In this episode, I’m joined by the incredible Emma — a former Peacefully Attached client — for one of the most honest and expansive conversations we’ve had on the Secure Love Club podcast.

Emma shares what life looked like before we worked together: moving between anxious and avoidant attachment, repeating toxic relationship cycles, people-pleasing to the point of burnout, and feeling deeply disconnected from her sense of worth. We unpack how trauma, boundary violations, and self-abandonment quietly shaped her dating life, her work, and her relationship with herself — and the moment she realised she couldn’t keep doing it alone.

We talk openly about the difference between therapy and coaching, what actually created lasting change for her, and how learning to regulate her emotions, trust herself, and raise her standards transformed not just her dating life — but her confidence, career, friendships, and self-talk.

In this episode, you’ll hear:
• How Emma broke free from anxious–avoidant cycles and finally started feeling safe, grounded, and secure within herself
• The exact shift that helped her spot red flags early, stop over-giving, and walk away without second-guessing herself
• Why structure, integration, and real support created deeper change than awareness alone ever did
• What dating looks like when you trust yourself — clear boundaries, honest communication, and no more settling
• How this work transformed more than her love life, creating confidence, emotional regulation, and self-respect across her career, friendships, and daily life

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Transcript

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You are listening to the Secure Live Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the Club. I'm so excited for you to tune into today's episode because I had the pleasure of sitting down and interviewing one of my incredible clients. Emma Emma is a former client. We just wrapped up our journey together not too long ago, and she has come so far in the work that we have done together, both privately and in peacefully attached. When Emma came to me and reached out to start working together, she was really what she would describe as at a point that felt like rock bottom. It was such a low point in her life and she didn't know how to move forward and how to truly break out of the pattern of toxic relationships that had. Chipped away and eroded her self-confidence, her self-worth, and any sense of positivity or optimism that she had for the future. In such a short time, she has completely. Transformed into such a bright, confident version of herself and really instead of transforming into, she healed those wounds and those layers that were covering up her most authentic self, which I am so proud to see her as that woman today. The version of her who has reconnected with her authentic self, with the parts of her and the hobbies and the interests, and all the things that make her. Who she is. She's thriving at her job. Her friendships have deepened and she has started dating again and is absolutely killing it. She has high standards, she's setting boundaries. She's communicating like a pro. Honestly, I could go on and on, but you really need to hear it for yourself from Emma. And what changes when you stop settling for the bare minimum when you invest in yourself and you start trusting yourself again. I also want to let you know as you're listening to this, if you are thinking to yourself. This is me. Oh my God. I am ready for change. I want to have my own transformational experience. Then I'm so excited to tell you that enrollment for our February, 2026 intake of peacefully attached is officially open. Peacefully attached is my signature program for women who. Are done repeating, anxious dating patterns, and want to become secure, grounded, and self-led in relationships. It's really for you if you are just at that point where you are done dating the same person with a different face, you are tired of self abandoning, and you are ready to learn the tools and knowledge required to really call in your dream relationship. That relationship with. Someone who is a real partner and who adds to your life. It's for you if you are ready to feel secure, confident, and grounded within yourself so that you are no longer settling in dating, and you are feeling grounded and confident in your independence as well as in your dream healthy relationship. If that's calling you, you'll find the link to apply in the show notes. And as always, you are more than welcome to DM me on Instagram if you have questions or wanna talk it through. I'm in there chatting with you guys all the time. So with that being said, let's get into the episode and enjoy Emma's story. Emma, my beautiful. Emma, welcome to the Secure Love Club podcast. How are you feeling? How are you doing? I'm very well, thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. Emma, you are such a dear client to me, and your journey over the last six months has been. So profound and powerful and transformative in so many different ways, and I have just been eager to get you onto the podcast because I think that there's nothing more impactful and powerful than hearing the journey of transformation through. Personal story and hearing the ways that people, overcame their challenges and what their thought process was before, during, and after. And I, I can't wait for my audience to connect with you and hear your voice because you are just a legend around. To get us started, everyone listening, who obviously doesn't know you, can you just share a little bit about. Who you are, like your name, where you are in the world, and maybe going back to what life looked like for you before we started working together. Yeah, for sure. Um, well, where to begin, to be honest. Uh, so my name's Emma, uh, currently from, London in the uk. And yeah, I've had a. A crazy past to put it in, uh, easy words. I've been on quite a journey, as you said. I think when I first reached out to you, I felt really lost. I'd been through so much trauma in my past that I didn't feel that I was worthy of love anymore, that I had so many negative emotions about myself and what I deserved, and I didn't really know my place in. In the world of dating or even with like friends and other things and, and I just felt at the lowest point I've had. I think when I was getting ready for this call, I actually listened back to one of the verse voice notes that I sent you. And hearing how I was back then just was crazy to me. I was very depressed and I didn't know how to get out of that. And I think one of the things I said to you is I feel like I had gone through so many, or like a couple different attachment styles when I first reached out. Like I felt I was in a. Kind of a toxic, abusive relationship for a few years, for about three years, where I was very anxiously attached to them. And then when that relationship ended and I got out, I became very emotionally distant, and I didn't want to connect to anyone and I didn't know how to connect to anyone. And as soon as they. Would tell me they love me. I was very distant and I pulled away. So I was the emotionally avoidant partner. And then when I went to therapy and tried to work through some of those emotions and work through the abusive ex, I then wanted to open up again. As soon as they started pulling away the anxious attachments came back. So then that's when that toxic cycle happens that I know you always talk about on, uh, your social media and on the pod. Um, and I just, I had had enough, and I know one of the stories that you shared where you. Went through a significant breakup that made you realize and, and understand what attachment style you were. And I think that's what happened to me this past year is it was a relationship I thought I was gonna be in for the rest of my life. It was someone I thought was my soulmate. But when we looked back at it, it was me being anxiously attached to them and thinking. Of this person in my dream world, like thinking of them in a fantasy when I wasn't actually realizing what they were doing and it wasn't necessarily healthy patterns. Getting over that was a big struggle. And obviously you helped me through all of that and helped me realize that I could have self-love and I could have worthiness and things like that. But I think I was just fed up in that stage of going through the cycle of. Wanting them, not wanting them and, and that, that up and down cycle. So when I reached out to you, I was just ready for it to, to be over and finally try and find someone to help. And like I said, I had done therapy before and it hadn't always worked. And when I reached out to you, it was, it was purely because I had seen myself in some of your stories that you had shared, and it sounded like you had been through it and gotten out the other side. And there was hope there. And I was. Ready to listen to anything you said. You were ready to just soak it all up. Thank you for sharing that insight into where you were. I love that you shared, you were just at that point where you'd had enough. You'd had enough of the cycles of going round and round and, what you shared about the different attachment styles of sort of flowing in between, very anxious in your toxic abusive relationship. And then almost going the opposite end of the spectrum after that, which is really common, right? Because we have that deep fear of being hurt. We don't wanna let anyone get too close to us and so we can push people away. But then you mentioned when you then met your partner. After that abusive relationship, you thought he was the love of your life. You thought he was the person you were gonna spend your life with, but then you realized you actually just anxiously attached and maybe had him on a pedestal, and you were ignoring some of the signs in that relationship, or maybe you weren't fully aware of them. Can you share, now that you can look back in hindsight, what were some of those signs in that relationship that you can now tell? It just wasn't healthy. It wasn't right. Yeah, I mean a lot of the things were that he didn't respect boundaries that I had, so there were certain things that I was uncomfortable with or I had said, this upsets me and rather than what a sec, I now know a secure partner would do is respect that and, and ask how they can help differently or why you're feeling that way or try to understand it. It was more gaslighting of that's your past trauma. It's not my fault, or No, I'm not doing that. It's my life, blah, blah, blah. And being more forceful in the fact that my feelings aren't, they don't matter. That was always me thinking this, this doesn't feel right. Like I feel like you're supposed to have compromise and you're supposed to care about each other. And it's kind of what he says goes, but,'cause I thought I was so in love, I was like, oh, maybe he's right. Maybe I am being over the top. Maybe I am being too much or I'm asking too much. It was very simple things like. He had his ex on streaming accounts still, and he was still paying for her on his accounts. And I was like, that feels a bit weird to me. And he was like, yeah, but she might still wanna watch her shows. And I was like, you haven't been together for two years? Like, why are you still paying for her to watch your streaming account? I was like, just message her and take her off. What if I wanna go on it with you one day or something like that. And I dunno, maybe it was me like overthinking it, but. He proper was like, it's nothing to do with you, blah, blah, blah. Rather than being like, I'm sorry that makes you feel that way, let's work it out together or something. And that was only one of many examples. So just subtly minimizing your feelings and concerns and almost making it seem like it's not a big deal, when really to you, it, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel aligned, for sure. For sure. And then, and looking back as well, there was times where he was trying to change who I was slightly I'm a very competitive person, as I've, I've told you in the past when we've, uh, which we love, which we love now, but that was one of the things he said that he found really unattractive about me. So. I felt like I had to dim that side of me or dim that light. And I remember once going out with some friends and we were playing table football and I got quite competitive. I was giving the smack talk. My friends love it. I've been friends with'em for years. I know they love it. They might not necessarily give it back, but they like me, doing it. And that's like the British banter, right? And uh, we got back to the hotel room and I remember him saying to me that he found that really unattractive and that's not the type of person he wants to be with. I remember being like, but that's me. I've told you that about me for ages. And he was like, yeah, but maybe we can tone it back a bit. And I remember telling my friend at the time and she was like, why You were fine. Like it was funny. We think it's hilarious. And I was like, yeah, but maybe I am too much. Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to to start toning it down, or maybe I need to start doing this. And there was like little things like that that he would do about multiple things and. I think it started making me change who I was, which you shouldn't ever want to do that to someone you're with, you know? Mm. You should love those parts about each other and how did that make you feel? When you were starting to change parts of yourself or minimize parts of you who you are authentically? Yeah, I mean, because I had done that in my abusive relationship, like a lot of that relationship was about control and having control over my life and what I did and who I spoke to, how I dressed and how I looked. For me that the kind of was like, oh, that's what happens in relationships when you're in love. So in my head, I didn't think much about it because I was like, well, that's just what happens. You change for the person you love because you are trying to be the person they want to show off. And only after meeting you and realizing about, having better self-love and being the person you want to be and, attracting the person you want. Like you should be your authentic self. And it's only now that I feel like I can do that.'cause I think in so many relationships I felt like I couldn't be my authentic self. So I'm starting to learn how to do that and attract the people that want that side of me. Hmm. What would you say your relationship with yourself was like? Around that time just before we started working together, what was that relationship with yourself like? Mm, good question. Yeah, it was, it was very negative for sure. There was a lot of me not feeling good enough, me feeling too much, me thinking that I need to please everyone else, like I was a very big people. Please, though I didn't think about myself a lot If I was too tired or if I was sick, I would still put other people's needs first because I thought that's what I had to do. Like, I don't matter. Other people matter. I was sabotaging myself a lot for the benefit of other people, and it was not healthy and. Yeah, there wasn't much there. I remember talking to you at the beginning and you were asking me how I wanted to end, and I was like, I'm a very confident person, but I'm not confident in myself. And I wanted to have that self-confidence rather than just being confident in external situations. I wanted to go somewhere and feel confident of being like, oh, I can go for a job interview and not be anxious. Or I can go to friends and tell them, actually, I can't meet today because I'm a bit tired and, and have that boundaries that I stick to, and I never did that before. Yeah, I remember that being a big theme of the work we did was around the people pleasing tendencies that you had and the ways that you would always put other people before yourself, which at the time, was well intentioned. But I think just coming from that deep rooted place of. My needs don't matter and I'm not as important, and so I need to put everyone else first, and that's what makes me lovable and that's what makes people want me in their life. But how did that ultimately leave you feeling? I. I mean deflated most of the time because you just didn't have I, I never got much rest because I always was like, oh, I need to help this person now I need to help this person. And I sacrificed my mental health and physical health to do that. So I was pretty exhausted. I remember one of the big things that we worked on was my. My need to go to work and do overtime and do those things for the people of authority. I just always said yes, and I always did the extra hours. And then I would come home and do the extra stuff for friends and I'll do the extra stuff for family. And I was so tired. I think there was days or weeks where I was like sleeping for maybe like two hours a night, three hours a night. And it was just not sustainable. In all the relationships in your life, it's like you were at the bottom of the pile for sure. And it just wasn't working for you in your life. No, no. Like I said, when I reached out, I think that was the, uh, one of the lowest points that I've been in my life and I was actually quite scared with how I was feeling'cause I didn't know what I would be capable of and I remember reaching out to you just thinking like, I feel like you're my last resort, which is a horrible feeling to have and I'm not one who's very good at talking about my emotions and my feelings. And I think I said that to you when I first started that when I had done therapy or other things before, like sometimes people had said, oh, do this, do that, or write down your, your feelings in a journal. And I'd say that I did it, but never did it.'cause I didn't know what to say'cause I couldn't work out how I felt I just knew I didn't feel right, or I felt sad, but I couldn't put. A pin in why I felt like that, or what else I could say. And it just felt like, oh, I can't be bothered. I'm just gonna go sleep, or I'm just gonna like distract myself with watching TV or going out doing something for other people. I think that was the big thing, was the distraction of if I did stuff for other people, I didn't have to think about how I was feeling or how my relationships were doing or things like that. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure so many people listening can relate to, you know, on some level you feel bad, but really getting to the root of what exactly is that feeling and, and where is it coming from and how do I move through it and process it is a common challenge for people at the beginning of this journey Can you talk a little bit more into, so you said you'd been to therapy, you'd tried that and so many women in my community that I speak to as well are in the same boat. They're in therapy or they've tried therapy for a long time, and although it has helped maybe in some ways or it's helped boost self-awareness, they are still stuck. In the same patterns and they're not moving forward at the rate that they want to or getting the type of results that they want. So now that you have been on both sides of the table, you've been to therapy and you've also done coaching, what would you say are some of the biggest differences that you personally experienced? And what was it about the coaching experience that. Was different to therapy that you found beneficial? Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, for sure. I'm not sure if it's just, if it was your reapproach or if it was the, the coaching, but, um, some of the key differences that, that I saw was with therapy, it was very much them asking me questions, trying to get me to talk about what's happened and how I feel. Whereas with your approach, it was very much like. Getting to the root and sort of giving me, I kept quitting it. Homework. So you would give me stuff to, to work on and then I have to go away and, remember past things and write down and, tell you where I felt it, like in my gut or in my heart. What kind of things? Came up for me and, you made me really think about the past rather than just talking about how I felt in the moment and rather than just talking about my anxiety there or my anxiety when I was with someone or something. You kind of, I dunno, it felt like you could lean more in and lean more into the past and, and try and pull out of me the things I needed to say. I always feel like I'm not great at expressing myself and in therapy they kind of just. Let you blabber on. Whereas you would stop me and be like, okay, let's look at this a bit more deep. Why do you feel like that? Let's just focus on that one thing rather than you continuing going down like a rabbit hole. And I know some of the therapy I'd done, like where they had got me to do meditations and stuff, and I'm a big, I'm very skeptical. I'm, I'm an engineer, so I've got a very logical brain. And doing things like meditations and spiritual stuff were not for me. And sometimes I would. Do it and just tell them, yeah, yeah. This is how I feel. Even though that's not how I felt, or I would kind of lie to just get on with it and I just didn't wanna do it. Or I was like watching videos of like, I think it was like jellyfish going across the screen'cause it was some hypno thing and I was like, what I do? And I just couldn't, I couldn't get on board with it. And then I think with you, you are very. Down to earth. And I told you all of this at the beginning, so you were very good at being like, just trust me and lean into it. And if you don't like it at the end, we'll try something else. And eventually, when I did lean in and I did some of your methods and your reprogramming meditation, especially after a few attempts and I lent in. Oh my God. I was like, Mimi's actually onto something. Shit. Like she actually does know what she's talking about and this is working. And I think because I saw change with the way you were doing it, it made me lean in more to some of the other aspects you were doing. But I think Say more about that. Well, I think what helped was we did more about writing things down and I remember doing the fuck you and forgiveness letter, and that was the first thing that really saw a shift in me because it was something that I could physically see and do, where I could write down everything I was feeling. I could write down all the hate or the sadness or everything. And I remember you telling me to get that feelings wheel up so I could actually work out how I was feeling. I get it all down. And then the burning, it was very therapeutic and I remember that was the first shift I had. And I think once I had that shift, I was able to lean more into your other programs and other things that you were sending me, and it just felt like I could get through it easier. Yeah, I remember that moment. I remember this shift when it happened and you really, you know, and to your credit, you were very open with me you lent in and you really applied yourself to the program and to all of the work, and I think that's why you experienced such a shift because you came into the container. With an open mind ready for change ready to learn and you know, I think also having that re the right relationship with the person supporting you is so important. Having someone who you do feel safe with not just safe to. Do that deeper work and express your vulnerability, but also to say, I don't understand this, or That doesn't make sense to me. Can you explain it in a different way or can we try something else? That also attributes a lot to the healing process and throughout our work together. You also went through peacefully attached my more structured program. Talk to me about. What you found most beneficial about going through that program? Yeah, so I think I struggled with that program at the beginning just because there was talking a lot about obviously when you date again and when you get into a secure relationship. And I wasn't at the beginning of our journey, I was not even thinking about that. I wasn't ready to think about that. I was still very much hurting from my breakup and my ex. So I did struggle at the beginning to think about myself being with another person. I think I remember like most messages I sent to you were. Me saying, I feel too sick, thinking about myself with another person, or I keep having dreams about my ex and it's making me feel sick and I, I don't feel like I can do this. But I think the more I kept writing it down about what I deserved, which I remember one of the modules was about what you would want in a secure relationship and what are the red flag, green flags, yellow flags that you'd look out for in a relationship? And that made me think that I have been settling. Constantly, like all my past relationships have been me settling for the bare minimum. And I was like, why have I been doing this? And then when we got to the inner child module, that portion, and we were working out, my relationships with my brother and my family and really figuring out that the, the cycle started when I was younger helped me really shift a lot. And like I said before, me being an engineer and having that logical brain, having those module steps really helped me put into to practice of, okay, let's do this as task one. This is task two, this is task three and start working through it and ticking off so I could feel like I was kind of. Going through the journey and recovering, and I know we had setbacks and we always said that healing's not linear and you're gonna have ups and downs, which I had to keep reminding myself. But knowing that we were working through those modules week by week I think it just helped me have that guide of, okay, you are healing, you are recovering, and you are doing it at your own pace, and if you have a step back, it's okay. Mm, mm-hmm. Having it all clearly laid out for you, going through the steps one by one, and then having the integration work of like, okay, this is. The theory, this is what I'm learning that I need to know, but then having the tools to apply it to your own life and your own situation, that was helpful for you. A hundred percent. Yeah, and like I said, doing all of the, like you said, yeah, the integration work and the homework as I called it just made me feel like I constantly was doing something. It wasn't like with therapy where you just have it once a week or once every two weeks where you go and talk for an hour. This was something that I was doing regularly and having you. On the podcast and on social media and on the one-to-one coaching and the peaceful, free attached modules, it felt like I couldn't escape you, which was a great thing that I needed at the time because every time I needed to hear something, I heard that what I needed, and I know your one for. Being like the universe sends you when you need to hear the right thing. And I was very skeptical of that. But I remember you when you were on your trip to Italy and I couldn't talk to you'cause I didn't wanna disturb you, obviously. And I was listening to one of your podcast episodes and you basically said something about just get on with the day. Just do it. Just that I think you were being like. Brutal or something, which I loved about you to say that you just have to push past it and have a good day and think more positively. And I did that and the next day I was able to work through my emotions, how we had shown to do it with some of the breathing exercises or putting the music on and working through those emotions, which I've never done before. And then really seeing that. The next day that the outcome was me actually having a good day and being able to not hold onto the anxiety or the anger for a week or until it spiraled into me feeling so low that I didn't wanna go to work or talk to friends. So. You know, having all of those platforms was always great. That makes me laugh every time. I'm everywhere. You can't escape me everywhere. Yeah. I think just what really stood out is you said, you know, with therapy it's that once a week or once every two weeks, and it's just that hour that you're there with the therapist. And so those large gaps in between, it can be easy to forget some of the stuff you're working on or fall back into old habits or struggle without having that accountability to keep you on track and that reassurance that you need. And I think what I saw with you and what I see with all my clients really is the potency and the consistency of when you move into a container that is specialized and specific for this one area, and you're on those calls every week and you are connecting and talking in between those calls and you have the integration work. Like that really accelerates the journey and I think helps to build that confidence and self-belief that, as you said, you are progressing and shifts are happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think the biggest shift was like I said, when I fully lent into that reprogramming meditation, because I really didn't believe that that stuff could work. And I remember there was one day in particular, I was just. Us feeling so low. I think I'd had to see my ex at work and he ignored me. And a load of feelings came up of not being good enough and being too much being used. And I remember sitting, and I know you gave us like to do the meditation beforehand and then the reprogramming meditation and I remember just so much came up about. My ex, my abusive ex, my friends at school, my parents, my brother, like all of these things floating around in my head and I was like, I can't, I'm so self hating myself right now, and I'm saying such horrible things to myself and this just isn't. Helpful or healthy. And I just lent into that reprogramming meditation and I remember telling you about it, thinking, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. Um, but you know, there was that, it was me in my safe place, which was a beach. All my past selves with me like that had gone through all of these things of people calling me horrible names, telling me I look. Ugly. I look fat. I'm, useless. No one's gonna want me. You've been too much, you've been through too much. And all of these words. I remember telling myself like, I was physically pulling them out of my brain, out of my body, out of where I was feeling them. And they were floating around in the sky. I put them all off on this little raft and we pushed it out to sea. And then all me and my past selves, we were, we, we lit these, uh, arrows and we just. Slung him and, and set it on fire like a tribal burial or something at sea. And, uh, all these self-deprecating words all went up in flames and, I remember just feeling so much lighter after, and I was laughing at myself, which probably helped because I was like, you idiot, like what are you doing sitting in your living room thinking about burning some words in your head? But really it, it made me feel lighter it did make me feel better and I still felt a little bit of those things, but it was easier to push off and be like, nah, you don't, you are not that. You aren't too much. You are easy to love. You're a decent person. You think about others and. Stop thinking so badly of yourself and just get on. It brings me so much joy when, like the type of clients I work with, some of them are more spiritually inclined. They're more like open to the Wu side of things. Others are much more. Scientific, logical, structured like yourself. And I love when I see people like yourself go through those deeper processes that are inside the program and you actually just give yourself over to them. And then you have this shift and you're like, oh my God, did that happen? Wow. Okay. All right. There's something to this. And I remember that moment. And how did you start to feel like on the other side of that. Because that was one of the most transformative moments,, in the journey for you. What started to shift for you on the other side of that in terms of how you started to feel in your relationship with yourself and how you started showing up in your life and what that looked like? So I definitely started talking to myself a lot, kinder. I mean, it wasn't instant, like I said, I still had those days where I was a bit like, if I messed up, oh, you're an idiot. Like why did you do that? But it was quicker for me to realize I was doing that and put a stop to it and say, no, come. This is how we learn. This is how we move forward. You have to mess up to then become better. And there was times then that I was then trying to do more of my hobbies and I was going back to golf, and I was playing more sports with my dad again. And I was doing things that I had stopped doing because I just felt like it wasn't worth, it wasn't worth me getting out there. Like, no one wants me to do things, so why would I, and I wasn't feeling like that anymore. I was feeling No, go and do things you enjoy. People want to do things with you because you are fun. So I was doing that again and, and I just remember feeling more like myself and getting that confidence back. I just remember it being very transformative. talk to me a bit about the changes that you started to experience at work as well, because how we do one thing is how we do everything. And what I often find when people go through this work is you come into it with the intention of, this is all about my relationships and dating, but it then seems to trickle out into all other relationships in your life. And because you are changing with who you are internally at the identity level, you start to then see the ripple effect into all other areas of your life. So what was that like? Yeah, you're right. I think I actually ended up having the most amount of shifts in my work and my personal lives with friends. So in terms of my work life, like I said, I was very used to taking on all the overtime and not really delegating to people and being kind of controlling.'cause I kept it all to my chest and I didn't really trust other people to do things or help because I was the one who had to prove myself. I was the one who had to say no. I need to prove that I can do this so I can be the only one who does this. Whereas after we went through all of those modules and I did those shifts and I started being. More open to the help from other people and being able to talk to other people. I started delegating more. I started being more involved with other projects at work with other people and being able to share out things. And one of the biggest things with work was I had a job interview that came up and I remember telling you that I was very anxious for it, and I've never been that good at job interviews. And you telling me to do those power stances and the shaking of stuff before, and I was like, what is she talking about again? These are some weird things Mimi's making me do. But again, I leaned in, went into the bathroom before my interview, and I did the power stance. I put some music on and I, I, you know, did the shaking. I was jumping around. I was doing the breathing exercises and I went and had one of the best interviews that I'd had, and it was someone who had interviewed me before for another position. And he even said that it was the most coherent he's ever heard me I was. Very, very good. And he said it ended up making it very difficult for them to choose who got the position and unfortunately, I never did get the position, but it just wasn't right for me at that time, which I understand now and everything. But the fact that I did that and I got out there and I didn't have the anxiety that I usually have when I go into them made me realize. That the work you are doing was more than just getting me ready for a secure relationship. It was getting me ready for being the secure, confident woman in all aspects of my life. And that was just so powerful to me. And I remember, I think I screamed down the voice note to you saying, Mimi, it was the best interview I've ever had. You are an like an amazing person, and I just remember being so happy it was incredible. Oh, that memory makes me so happy. I'm almost emotional hearing you, you say those words of, becoming that secure, confident woman in all areas of your life, and that is. That's my main mission, to be honest. Like having the beautiful, secure relationship. Yes, that's the goal, but in a way it's a byproduct. It's a byproduct of the relationship you have with yourself and how that transforms through for sure. Through doing all of this work. For sure. I also know that people want to hear about the dating and the tangible shifts that have happened there. So let's talk about that for a moment, because I was actually just reading through your application before our interview because I wanted to cast my mind back to some of the things you shared right at the beginning, and you said on your application that you were like, I just can't even. Imagine getting back into dating. I just don't even know how that's gonna be possible for me. Like the thought of it is just so awful. But fast forward a few months. Give us the updates of what made you wanna get back into dating and what that experience has been like for you so far. And how it has been different. Two past dating experiences. Yeah, so I think it's been nine months since I reached out and all of those things happened. So it's been a lovely nine months of healing and I'm happy to say I don't feel sick about getting back out there to date and I am dating again. Which is scary. But fun. A little bit daunting, but that's just because I haven't done it in a while. Um, but yeah, no, it's very different to what it used to be. I have managed to see red flags a lot earlier because of the work we did in peacefully attached, where we actually listed out what I expect to look for and what I don't want and what I do want. And straight away I'm able to see no. Red flag, let's stop that. Or I voice what I need and voice my boundaries and see how they react and how they react. Depends if I want to continue dating or if I don't. So I'm very much more going in with the logical head rather than the heart. And I'm trying not to fall too easily. And after a lot of our calls, we were talking about, the gas sighting and the love bombing, and I now understand those things a lot more than I did. So I'm able to see those signs, I think I remember telling you about one person that I was talking to and. Within maybe like four days. We had been talking, we hadn't even met yet. And they were talking about me meeting their family and their sisters and, going on all these holidays together. And I was like, well, like I've been talking to you for four days. We are, we are gonna take a step back. And then they didn't and they messaged me. Really bizarre things. And I think we put a stop to that quite quickly, which was not normal for me. Like if that had happened to me beforehand, I'd have been like, oh, someone's really interested in me. They really, really want me to get involved in their life already. That's so exciting. And now I'm actually, that's, that's, you know. No, yeah. You're seeing things for what they are much more clearly and much sooner than maybe you would have in the past, and for sure. One thing that I teach inside Peacefully Touch and that you went through, as you said, is dating from your head, not your heart. In those early stages, and really being in that almost like a scientist, being in that analytical mind where you're not letting your heart take over and just going to that fantasy land and get caught up in all of the emotions, but you are really looking at. If someone is compatible with what you want. And I know that also another thing was for you being more upfront and direct about what you were wanting. Talk to us about that. Yes. Yeah, that's what I was about to say actually, that I think that was one of the biggest shifts that we had seen from me is that I'm now able to say. I want a relationship that goes into something. I want a life partner. I want to have kids, and I want to have that marriage and that kind of life, which never used to want, but I now do that. Now I'm getting to that age, that's what I'm thinking about. And rather than trying to be that person who's trying to play it casual, like, yeah, no, I'm like the cool girl. I'll just get on board with whatever you want. I don't mind if you wanna start as friends with benefits. Sure. But. I don't want that anymore. And I'm being much more upfront with that and seeing some people's responses is making me realize, oh, okay, yeah, you are just a playboy. You were never gonna try and have that future with me. Even that's what you said on your profile. I'm starting to look at it in the mindset that you say, if they wanna leave your life, then it just makes room for the person that's meant to be. And that's exciting that I'm thinking of it in that way. What would you say has helped you to feel grounded and confident in yourself and really shift from that scarcity mindset or that lack, which is what is usually happening when we're still, in the. Throws of our anxious attachment before we've really healed those wounds and that trauma. We often are in that scarcity mindset where we just kind of want anything over nothing, even if they're not compatible. But you really. Transformed into that place of you can hold your ground and you can confidently say what you want. And if someone's not a want match for that, you are okay letting them go because you are dating from a place of abundance of like, the right person will want what I want. What do you think's changed there? Yeah, I mean, saying that I do still have my slip ups, I'm not perfect yet, of course. Um, you know, so I think there was someone that I was talking to and it was like the seven week stage and I wanted it to go to the next part where we started maybe being a bit more serious and then they kind of didn't want to continue. And it did push me back a little bit and made me feel. Kind of low again, but because I already had the tools that you had shown me,, I was able to get past that quicker. And I think I remember sharing the screenshots or like the messages that I had said between us and I was so secure and confident with my responses voicing what I wanted. And if that wasn't what they wanted, then that's fine. And they actually sounded like the anxious one. So we think it was like probably a lucky, uh, escape. But I think the shift there was having that self-love. And realizing that I am enough on my own. And I, it's lucky if someone wants to be involved in that. I don't have to prove myself to them. They have to prove why they're worthy of being in my life. And having that shift was the, the power change mm-hmm. Of being like, actually. I'm a gem. What are you gonna improve in my life? Obviously not that is that, but yes. Oh my God, I love that so much. And also, thank you for sharing that. You still have slip up, so you still have moments where you go backwards because it's really important to normalize that. As you said, I harped on about it to you and I harp on about it with all my clients because. We don't wanna put this false expectation on ourselves that, once you get on this journey, then everything's gonna be smooth sailing, and it's only upwards from here. It's only forward progression. It's not the case. And that's because we are human and we are working to rewire patterns that we've lived in our entire life. So of course we're gonna have setbacks and that's all part of it. Healing isn't linear, but. What really matters is how you are coming back from those perceived setbacks or those wobbles or those moments when maybe you invest a little bit too much time and energy into someone before you realize, actually no, that's definitely not right, and you come back from it. Or you have a moment of weakness and you text an ex or you do something That is more akin to the old you and your old identity than it is the new you and who you're becoming or your secure self. Sure. And it's okay, but it's how you bounce back from those setbacks and how you, you know, one thing we really talked about a lot was tapping into self-compassion. Yeah. Rather than being so hard on yourself, having compassion for the part of you that is still learning these new ways of thinking and showing up and. Navigating relationships for sure. And I think the two things that I remind myself of and make sure I stick to are the things that I was the worst at, I guess before I met you was putting people on a pedestal. Saying the bare minimum is amazing. I think I remember saying to you that a guy opened a door for me, on one of our first dates and I was like, oh my God, he's amazing. And you're like. Emma chill. Like he opened the door and I was like, yeah, but like he's a gentleman. I never have had that before. And I was like, really? Now I have to remind myself that the bare minimum is not amazing and I need to expect more than that. And that's really nice to re remind myself of. The normalizing, high standards and not just because someone plans a date once and it's a nice date or opens a door for you or is consistent in their communication. Of course at first it feels. Euphoric because you're like, I've never had this kind of consistency or this consideration, but we want to normalize that as quickly as possible because that is the new standard. Yeah, for sure. I've just remembered what the other one was. It was the fact that I never used to be able to work through my emotions was always a big issue. Like I would bottle them up and I remember telling you, I never told my friends if I was sad and things like that.'cause I always thought that crying or being emotional was a weakness. And that was one of the things that we had to work on a lot that. Showing your emotions is actually a strength rather than the opposite. So now I'm very open with friends and colleagues, if I'm having a bad day or if something's affected me, I'm very open with it. And sometimes I don't go into full details'cause people don't need to know it. But I can just say that stays a bit of a bad day. Give me a few minutes, let me go and sort myself out and I'll be okay to move forward and learning how to process that by using your breathing exercises or, music for me has been one of the biggest helps for release, putting on a sad song to help me cry or putting on something angry so I can shout, fuck you in the car as being, you know, very therapeutic in its own way. And learning that from you and reminding myself to do that and to, to go through those emotions has been a big change. And to remind me that it's a continuing healing journey. You don't stop healing and you have to keep going back to those practices and doing those check-ins and stuff to, to make sure you keep moving forward and not backwards. I love that so much. Thank you for sharing. Yeah. How are you feeling about the future? Now, on the other side of this journey, even though it's, it is an ongoing journey as you said, but how would you describe your outlook towards your life, towards what's possible for you in relationships and, and all that now? I'm excited for what the future holds. I'm excited that I'm able to see what I want and been off the people that aren't gonna give me that and see the red flags earlier and, i'm excited to date people who have the same mindset as me and don't want to change me. I've also. I told my friends, some of the patterns that we have seen in my past and I've told my friends what to expect if I start doing this that kind of like snap me out of it. So it's not just myself when I'm, I'm having my community help me. Which is something that I never used to wanna do. Like I was very solo, had to do it all alone. And I'm excited for that. And like I said to you before. You've helped me in my work life and my personal life. Like my connection with my friends is so much deeper now because I can set boundaries and I understand how to stick to them now, and that's gonna be the same when I do meet someone that I'm not gonna let them walk over my boundaries. That's gonna be clear and. They don't get another chance sort of thing. So I'm excited to start putting that in practice. Mm. And I've got a couple dates coming up, so we'll see if I get to put them there in practice. Oh, exciting. You'd keep me updated. I'll, I will. I'm so happy to hear that. And if you could speak to the version, of you who was feeling hopeless and was feeling. Scared at the beginning of this journey, what would you tell her? I mean. I guess that it gets better. Like you can get through it. I mean, I dunno if you remember when you had, you read to me my letter that I had to send through at the beginning as part of one of the peacefully attached modules of like, what would you say to yourself at the end of this program? And I remember when you read that to me, it made me very emotional because. It was me telling myself that you will get through it. You dunno where you're gonna be in this, at the end of this program, but you're going to be stronger and you're going to understand yourself more. And. What I had said was very true and I didn't believe it when I wrote it. I remember writing it'cause it was something I had to do. I remember thinking, oh this, what is she making me do again? Like, why have I gotta write this rubbish? And then when you read it to me and I was feeling how what I had said, it was crazy to me. I genuinely feel like if I could go back like we had to do for my inner child work of talking to your younger self it would just be to say lean in and trust Mimi because she does know what she's doing. And if I had lent in from the start, I could have been 10 times more confident now. I mean, God help us. Um, but yeah, it's just to, just to tell myself it gets better and you can be your authentic self without feeling shame and without feeling like you are too much. Which is what I always came back to. And the stuff you've gone through in your past, being used and abused and horrible stuff doesn't define who you are. And it doesn't make any difference to your future. Your future is what you make it. Like reading from one of those, like self-help books, right. Powerful. No, but it, it's, it's real, you know? I feel that coming from you it's so authentic and. It just makes me so happy to hear that. Come. Come from your mouth, Emma. It's because we didn't think I was gonna get to that point. Let's be honest. I think you must remember hearing that call from me thinking what is, what a mess this girl is. Not at all. Not at all. I always knew you would get there. It was just a matter of time before you got on board with seeing it for yourself. One final question for you is to the woman listening who is resonating with your story and can see herself in so much of what you have shared today, and maybe she's on the edge of making that powerful decision to invest in herself and invest into peacefully touch and getting that support, but she's not sure. Or there's some fear there. What would you like to say to her? Now that you're on the other side of it? What words of reassurance or encouragement would you like to send her? Yeah, I mean, I get it's a big decision to invest and that was one of the things that. I struggled with for a little bit like I was on the fence with, but I just kept re-listening to your story about how you had overcome it and how you got through it, and the hope that you gave me and how down to earth you were is what made me want to join your community and see if it would work for me and. The fact it has, and I didn't think anything could help me, and I didn't believe in all of the, like I said, the meditations and the programs and the therapy. I didn't think it would work. And it has got me to a point where I can cope on my own and I can start pushing through shows that if you lean into someone who is authentic, down to earth and safe, you can get through it. And if you are in that place where you feel like you just. Can't anymore. You need something else. You need something to, to believe in. Believe in Mimi because honestly, you changed my life and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I tell my cousin, I tell everyone like, you have been a light at the end of the tunnel really to get me through, and it's a big investment and I get that. But invest in yourself. Don't think about anyone else. Invest in what you need and do the work. Lean into it and it will, it will help. And the safe space that you create makes you feel supported from early on. And I know for me, you calling me out and being that kind of person to say. You're being too much, not too much, but come on, let's, let's sort this out together. And calling me out when I was like, this isn't working. Mm-hmm. Like you do it in a loving way and it shows even more support than just someone kind of like. Passing it off. Hmm. Wow. Thank you so much, Emma. I am just receiving all of that love and those kind words, and it really means the world that you've taken, the time to share your experience and your journey, and also your words of encouragement for other women and just. Really championing that message of invest in yourself because it's the most important relationship in your life. And from there everything changes. I'm so proud of you and I'm so excited for what's to come in the future because I know that it is going to be very, very bright. So thank you again for joining us today. No, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. Thanks em. Bye. 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