Ep #48: Doing Things Differently (When the Old Way Doesn’t Feel Good Anymore)

In this episode, I’m inviting you into a powerful reflection on what happens when the way you’ve been living, working, dating, or showing up no longer feels good — even if it once did.

Fresh from a deeply activating session with one of my mentors, this conversation is about recognising where you’re living on autopilot, clinging to familiarity over fulfilment, and repeating patterns simply because they feel safe. We explore why change can feel so uncomfortable (even when staying the same hurts), and how shifting your life doesn’t require burning everything down, just the courage to choose differently.

If you’ve been feeling bored, restless, drained, or quietly asking yourself “Is this it?”, this episode is your permission slip to pause, reflect, and start updating your life in a way that actually feels expansive!!

In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why familiarity often keeps us stuck, even when it’s no longer nourishing
• The subtle signs you’ve outgrown a phase of your life
• How nervous system safety influences your ability to change
• Why choosing differently in dating, work, or life can feel uncomfortable at first
• How real change happens through identity shifts, not just mindset or behaviour

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

MIMI SOCIAL MEDIA
Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) on Instagram HERE!

Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi. What. Hey friends. Welcome back to the club. Today's episode is all about doing things differently than you have always done them. And this is coming from a very powerful session that I did recently with a business mentor, one of my mentors and friends who is also an expert in human design. And I did a one-off session with her because she's an expert in how you're directing your energy in your life and what ways that is serving you or not serving you. And I've been wanting to sort of clean up a few things energetically and create new approaches to the ways I'm operating in my life. And the session was so. Fucking powerful. It felt like there was such a weight lifted off my chest and off my shoulders from having her illuminate the ways that I've been doing things that are not serving me and giving me. Almost like a permission slip to make changes and to decide what feels good for me moving forward, and that it's okay to step into that change. And it was so powerful that I want to bring the tone of that conversation to you today on the podcast and help you to reflect at where in your life are you no longer feeling lit up? Where are you not feeling happy? Where are the routines, the relationships, the thought patterns, the whatever you want? Where is that making you feel drained and like it's just something you're doing because it's what you've always done and you're living on autopilot, but you're not actually feeling good in those things anymore. So we're gonna dive into this today. It's going to be. Potent. We are gonna have some good reflective points and I think it's a great time to do this coming to the end of 2025. but it's really important that we pay attention here. Okay. Your life doesn't. Change or you don't change your life because it's necessarily falling apart, but sometimes you change it because you can feel that you've outgrown it. You can feel that you are starting to. Not fit in this box that you have carved out for yourself, whether it's in your job, in your friendships, in your romantic partnership, in where you live, in the ways you are addressing your self-care, your hobbies, whatever it is. We can notice that things just aren't feeling good anymore. They're feeling like a bit of a wet blanket. Why do we repeat things that feel this way? Okay. It might be easy to say, well, if things don't feel good, just change them. Have you ever had that? Someone in your life is like, well, just do this, and it's so much easier said than done. It's easier when you are. The outside on the outside looking in at someone else's life or someone else's situation. And you can easily say, oh yeah, you just need to change this, this, and this, and then you're gonna feel great, or This is your problem, just solve it. But you and I know that when it's your life and you are the one navigating these feelings, it can be much more challenging than just clicking your fingers and saying you want to change. And the reason for that is familiarity. Is what our brain clings to. It loves to do the least amount of work possible, exert the least amount of effort, and just do what it's always done because our brain is lazy. It's literally designed to just keep us alive and to survive. And so it wants to focus on only that and the best way that it knows how is just keep repeating what you've always done. Keep repeating the same routine, eat the same food. Go to the same cafe, wear the same clothes, have the same conversations, complain about the same things, right? It's just we live so much of our life on autopilot. However, familiarity does not necessarily equal fulfillment. We know this. We clinging to old habits, old roles, old relationship dynamics, old ways of coping, even when they're no longer nourishing us. And I think that word nourished is really key here. We do not feel nourished or alive. We do not feel fulfilled. We are just getting through the day and. This also comes down to nervous system safety, right? Your body will always lean into or clinging to what it feels most safe in, and we know that the familiarity is what feels safe or we clinging to the identity of this is just who I am. This is just the way that I've always done things, so therefore I need to keep repeating, doing them this way, or we have a fear of regrets. Or disruption. Okay. There's that fear of the unknown. Well, what if I change and that's scary? Or what if I try something new and I feel really uncomfortable, or I don't like it? But staying the same can feel safer than becoming someone new, even when staying the same hurts. I'm gonna say that again. Staying the same can feel safer than becoming someone new. Even when staying the same hurts, and I understand this statement so well, I'll be the first to raise my hand and say, I understand this. There are many ways I think I've been operating in the last year that have been from an old identity and an old way of doing things, and I haven't changed them, even though on some level I've known that I've needed to because it feels safer than stepping outside the comfort zone, and I am no stranger as well. I'm no stranger to pushing myself outside my comfort zone and doing the things required to grow, but I'm also human and there are. Always opportunities for growth. So let's look at some of the quiet signs that you maybe aren't aligned anymore in your life. Number one, you feel bored, but guilty for feeling bored. You keep saying, I should be grateful. I should be grateful for the life I get to live for the job I have for what I get to do. You are going through the motions on autopilot. You fantasize about change, but don't act things that once excited you now feel heavy. You keep asking yourself, is this it? Or you just feel a general sense of boredom, feeling drained or restless and frustrated in your life. One example, I'm just gonna. Ground this with an example. For me personally, I started my business five years ago because I wanted to live life on my own terms. I wanted to live a life of freedom, both financially and location wise, like physically. I wanted to have the freedom to use my time in my days, however I want to use it. However, I have pretty much for as long as I can remember. Just subscribed to the old mentality of work time is Monday to Friday, nine to five, because that's what society had conditioned into me. And so I've spent my days for a very large part, working nine to five, Monday to Friday, sitting at my desk just doing, doing all the things I need to do, but also probably finding more work for myself to do that maybe isn't necessary. And. It's been burning me out. I'm not gonna lie. It hasn't started to not feel good. It started to feel draining in my body. And when I had this breakthrough call the other day, Hilary was talking to me and she just asked me, does that feel good for you? And such a simple question. And I said, I don't think it does. It feels like I'm just trying to draw out my energy across the week for the sake of it, for the sake of, oh, this is the times that I'm meant to work, so therefore I need to sustain my energy to work all those hours and across those different days. And I understand that this is a luxury to be able to ask this question and that not everyone is in this position, but we just use using this for the example's sake. And so. She said to me like, what would it look like to change that? You know, maybe it's you work four days a week, or you work five days and on two of those days you work a half day. Maybe you work three days a week. What would actually feel really good for you? Where have you been? Overexerting yourself out of a should mentality. And I just think when someone presents the opportunity for you to actually take a moment to step back and reflect, it's really nice to give yourself the, I don't know what you call it, just the opportunity to do so. We are so As, as a, as a race, as as humans, I think we are so subscribed to just. Following the leader, doing what we're told, doing what we should do, that we forget that we have free will and that we can actually make decisions that serve us. And so it was really nice to, to reflect on that and also. To get to redefine what high quality work means for me. Sometimes doing less, but doing what, but the stuff that you do do is more potent and powerful. Sometimes when you have less time, you. A forced to cut out all of the fluff or the stuff that isn't really that important isn't gonna move the needle and just focus on the needle moving tasks, the things, the things that are most important. And when she asked this, it was, it reminded me of a mentor who I have looked up to and followed since the very beginning of when I ever wanted to become a coach and. This woman is extremely successful. I'm talking making$50 million a year in the coaching industry, and she grew her business working three days a week, consistently, three days a week. And I remember when I first heard that and I thought, what the hell? Like, how do you do that? But when I had this conversation with Hillary the other day, I reflected on it and I thought maybe there's really something to that. Because when we constrict the amount of time that we have to do something, maybe you are way more focused and much more intentional, and your productivity and your output is higher because you are given yourself less time to get things done. So that's something that I'm really reflecting on and considering how do I wanna change my approach to work next year also so that I, so that I can incorporate more play and more fun and more time for just living my life, you know? But back to you. So I want to invite you to self-reflect, and I'm gonna ask some questions that you can write down or you can just ponder on these as I ask them now, and just see if anything pops up. Just notice if you're subconscious, plops something in your brain. So the first one is, what am I doing out of habit? Not desire. Next one. Where am I choosing comfort over aliveness? What am I tolerating because it's familiar and what version of me created this life and who am I becoming now? So I'll just repeat those. What am I doing out of habit, not desire. Where am I choosing comfort over aliveness? What am I tolerating because it's familiar and what version of me created this life and who am I becoming now? I really invite you to reflect on these, maybe even do some journaling later. And remember that this isn't about needing to burn your whole life to the ground and change absolutely everything, although you're welcome to do that if you feel you need to. This is about, think of this as updating your life, just updating the things that are important to you and doing them in a way that feels refreshing and exciting and draws you in. Rather than makes you wanna just pull away and not do the things that are important in your life. This also ties back into, of course, dating and relationships. Looking at the pattern of the types of people we are choosing, because that's just what we've always done. So choosing the people who are emotionally unavailable, you know, same person, different face, choosing the people that maybe make you feel. Like there's a heightened anxiety. You feel all giddy and there's butterflies and you feel like your whole body's on fire. You feel electric. It feels exciting. Yeah. No, that's not necessarily a good thing. That is your anxious attachment at work, my friend. And we, we need to look at where am I just continuing to choose the same thing. And then acknowledging why. Obviously we know that your anxious attachment is, it goes deeper than just the conscious mind, and we do need to do work to rewire it, but also looking at, well different can feel boring and wrong at first, especially in relationships when we're going from health, uh, unhealthy to healthy relationships or the dating avoidance to dating someone secure. It can feel really boring at first. It can feel like nothing much is happening, and that's a good thing because there's no drama. Things are just consistent and calm and predictable, which at first, your nervous system is not going to feel familiar with. It's going to feel very weird. You're not gonna feel safe with it, but there's an opportunity to lean in to create that safety within yourself to be able to hold that secure relationship. So just acknowledging, okay, well, choosing different does feel maybe a bit boring at first, but that's okay. And I'm going to go slower in dating, right? This is the choosing differently. Maybe I'm gonna choose to go slower. I'm going to say no earlier on when I can tell that person isn't a good match for me, or they are part of my pattern. I am going to choose someone who is stable, calm, and consistent over someone who I feel an intense amount of chemistry with. Maybe it's choosing to let yourself be single longer than you had planned. Maybe it's choosing that right now. You don't want to be dating and it actually hasn't been feeling good for you, but you've just been doing it because you think on some level you should be and you should have a partner. And if you're single, that means you should be looking for that next person to date. Does it actually feel good for you? One of the women in peacefully attached, we had this conversation earlier in the, in the first month of the program, and she came to me with a dating scenario with this guy who had asked her out on a date and she was saying, she was saying like, I just don't. I don't really think that I want to, I don't really think I'm over my ex. I kind of feel like I need to focus on me, but you know, he, he seems like a really nice guy and maybe I shouldn't miss this opportunity. And I invited her to focus on the truth that was underneath all of those shoulds that actually it sounds like you don't want to date right now. And that's what feels aligned in your body. And it's completely okay if you don't date. And I said, what would it feel like if you just gave yourself permission to fully stop dating and just focus on your relationship with yourself right now, knowing that when you want to date that inclination will naturally return when it's supposed to. And she was like, oh my God. That feels like a full body. Yes, that's exactly what I want. Thank you. And so she made that decision and, uh, we had our, we actually had our closing call for peacefully attached yesterday as I'm recording this. And this particular woman was, I was inviting them all to share and reflect on how they're feeling now that they're at the end of the journey. And she said, I feel like I have my spark back. I have joy again. I literally wake up every day excited to do everything that's in my day, and it just gave me full body goosebumps to hear that because she did not have her spark when she first started the program. And. Throughout, peacefully attached. She's really gotten herself back into alignment with what feels good for her at this stage in her life. And when we shift into alignment, that is when our energy is just overflowing and life feels so good again. So I just wanted to share that because it's a relevant example and it was such a beautiful experience to witness from her. The key to making these changes in your life though, is not just behavioral. In fact, it's, it's actually much bigger than that. The change has to happen from an identity level. Because you can't live a different life with the same self-concept. So the self-concept is how you view yourself, how you think of yourself, who you believe yourself to be as an individual operating in the world. We need to shift our self-concept. So for example, with the work that I did with Hillary, it was about recognizing that this. Shift that I feel I need to make is an invitation to step into a new level of authority in my work, to see myself as the woman who decides what feels good for her, what makes her feel most energized and available to serve at the highest level. And then from that identity shift and making those changes, the whole world and my whole world and yours rearranges and shifts around you to match that new self-concept and that identity. But we need to start looking at ourselves in a different way. And there's discomfort in this for sure, right when we are. Trying to step out of someone we've been for a long time into someone who we, uh, want to be. There's a gap because you're not who you were, but you're not maybe fully who you're becoming yet, and that's a normal part of the process. I just want to normalize that in case you try to shift into the way you see yourself and you feel like it's hard or. Maybe you grieve the old version of you. And that's a very real thing too. When we have to let go of an old version of ourselves, it can feel heavy, it can feel hard, it can feel sad because the version of you that got you here is still a big part of you. And they did the best they could with what they knew at the time. But we need to let that go. We need to let go. To let in, as I always say. So to begin making this shift, I want you to pick one area of your life and just ask what would different look like here year? If I could do anything, if I could run my business. Any way that I desire, and it would still be successful if I could show up in my friendships in a brand new way that was better than before. What would that look like? If I wanted to improve my self care and the way I connect with myself, what would that look like? What could, what could different look like here? And then just choose the smallest action possible. Maybe it's setting a boundary. Maybe it's one new standard for yourself. It's one change to your schedule. It's a pause before you do certain things. Just choose that one thing and let that be the first step in. Reshaping all the parts of your life that you want to change. Let yourself lead with excitement. Ask yourself, what would feel expansive for me to change? Notice what feels constricting that makes you want to constrict and shut down. And what would feel expansive instead is the, the differences that you're making here don't have to be dramatic. Okay. They can be subtle and consistent, but the most important thing is that you act on them. We don't wanna get stuck in this place of just thinking about this. Thinking, thinking, thinking, and looping, but not acting. Because when we get stuck in that place of just, oh, I need to think about this more, I need to think more, I need to think more. It's really just your brain's way of trying to sabotage the action you want to take. It's your brain's way of keeping you exactly where you are. In the patterns that are familiar, so your brain doesn't have to get uncomfortable and do or learn new things. So really catch yourself. Where are you telling yourself? I just need to think about it more. When actually what you need to do is make a decision and take new action. Notice one area of your life today where you want to make a change and make it. You don't owe loyalty to a life that no longer fits. You owe yourself honesty about where you wanna change what's not feeling good anymore and how you want to live your life moving forward. Alright, my friends, I hope this has given you an injection of energy and excitement. Remember that you have the free will to live your life however you wanna live it, and I'm excited for what you're going to shift and change and create as we step into. 2026. If this has given you a little breakthrough, I would love to hear about it. Come over to Instagram and send me a DM and let me know what you are going to be shifting and changing that is different to how you have been doing things up until now. Alright, my friends, you have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.