Ep #50: Living a Life You’re Proud Of (Not One That Just Looks Pretty)

In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between building a life that looks good on the outside and one that actually feels right on the inside. This conversation was sparked by a powerful moment with a woman joining Peacefully Attached — and it opened up a deeper truth so many of us avoid: when our happiness rises and falls based on our relationship status, we’re not living in alignment… we’re outsourcing our fulfillment.

We explore how many of us unknowingly build lives for validation, optics, and approval — careers, relationships, routines, and identities that look impressive but leave us feeling drained, restless, or quietly empty. I break down what emotional alignment really means, why ignoring it leads to burnout and anxiety, and how learning to live in integrity with yourself changes everything — including how you date.

If you’ve ever felt like you “should” be happy, but aren’t… this episode is an invitation to get honest, come back into your body, and start building a life you actually respect.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
• The difference between a life built for appearance vs. one built for alignment
• Why emotional misalignment shows up as anxiety, burnout, and restlessness
• How social conditioning teaches us to seek validation over fulfillment
• Why overriding your intuition creates long-term dissatisfaction
• How identifying your values becomes a compass for decision-making
• Why building a full, aligned life changes the way you date and attach

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

👉🏽APPLY FOR PEACEFULLY ATTACHED HERE: https://www.mimiwatt.com/

MIMI SOCIAL MEDIA
Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) on Instagram HERE!

Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt. Hey friends. Welcome back to the Club. How are you doing? I hope you're doing really well. We have just wrapped the end of a big year for so many of us. 2025 was a very interesting year. I know for myself and for so many people that I have spoken to recently, I think 2025 was a year of big. Lessons to be learned, big sheddings that needed to be made, and really albeit painfully sometimes setting a foundation for everyone to thrive in 2026 in new ways and as a different version of yourself, as a more elevated version, a more secure, freer, fulfilled version. And this ties into what I'm talking about today. And this is something that's been sitting with me for a while, and honestly it was sparked from a conversation that I had with one of the beautiful women who is joining peacefully attached the next round in February. And she said to me on the call that. Uh, what she's craving the most is to feel like she's living in alignment, to live a life where she feels really fulfilled and in touch with her authentic self because she has a pattern of when she's. Dating someone and things are going well, life feels amazing. She's on cloud nine. Everything is fantastic. She feels ecstatic. She feels confident. She's social, she's bubbly. You know, life stresses, work, stress, ah, water off her ducks back. But then when the relationship ends or if things aren't going well, all of that joy is taken away and she feels left feeling. Really flat demotivated and apathetic. So that feeling of what's the point? What is the point of anything? And we need to pay attention to this if, if you're experiencing this as well. Because that type of approach to living your life where you are almost fooling yourself into thinking that life is so great, but really it's not, is not sustainable. For the type of joy and fulfillment that you want in the long term, this is a really common pattern and I am calling this out, not to shame anyone, but to as always illuminate this stuff with love so that we can shift and change out of it. You can have. A life that looks really good on the outside and still feel empty on the inside. Like on paper, you're doing great, you are productive, you're ticking boxes. Maybe you know, you are like quote unquote, living the dream according to everyone else, but when you're alone with yourself, there's this quiet feeling of is this it? Is this. I thought I should be happy. I have a great job. I live in a great home. I have friends around me. I have family. I have my health. Shouldn't I feel happy? Why do I feel so depleted? And no one really talks about that part. We're taught to build a life that looks impressive. But we are not really taught how to build a life that feels grounding and steady and deeply satisfying. And this has only gotten worse with technology and with social media, we've, a lot of us have grown up in the world of highlight reels and only seeing the prettiest, best flashiest things online in our face every day, all day, every day. And we've morphed into this. Species of just curating and wanting everything to seem great and look great on the outside, but it's just an aesthetic. And meanwhile, the internal world, the true substance of what it means to be alive is suffering. It is not happy, it is not fulfilled, and we need to change that. So that's what I wanna talk about today, the difference between building a life that's pretty and building a life that you're actually proud of. So let's dive in. Here's the distinction I've come to understand. A pretty life is usually built for an audience. A proud life is built for you. A pretty life prioritizes optics. So what looks good? What sounds good? What gets approval? A proud life. Prioritizes alignment. What feels true, sustainable, and honest in your body? A pretty life. Asks, how does this look? A proud life asks, can I stand behind this choice even if no one claps? Even if no one is around to. Give me the approval of this decision or to validate this decision, can I still stand? Be behind it. And listen, there's nothing wrong with enjoying beauty or aesthetics in your life. Absolutely, I love, I love a good vibe. But when your self-worth is tied to how your life is perceived, that's when things start to feel really fucking hollow. I see women doing this all the time without realizing it. Staying in relationships that don't actually. Meet them where they're at that don't reciprocate what they truly need, but maybe they look good from the outside or living in places that impress people or you are living there because there's a certain type of group of people that, that exist in that area, but really you feel drained by it or overscheduling their lives because being busy feels like being valuable. Chasing the next milestone, thinking that will be the thing that finally makes them feel settled. And again, this isn't because you're shallow or you're doing life wrong. It's because most of us were taught to build for validation and not fulfillment. We were taught to be impressive, not embodied. Some of this stems back to when we were children, how would we get love from our parents? Was it when we were perfect? When we were an A Grade student, when we were well-behaved, when we kept quiet, this stuff starts from a very young age, and then we grow up looking at magazines and then internet and social media, and we are just confronted all the time with this image, this idea of perfection. We live in a consumerist society that tells us to buy more. Eat less, way less look better, sound better, be more attractive, be more appealing. And we are in this constant striving to be better, to fix ourselves. And the ironic thing is that half the time we don't actually feel better because it's reinforcing the message that there is something to be fixed, that we are already broken, that we are not good enough. We are trying to visually and aesthetically and superficially align with the expectations that society has placed on us or the subconscious conditioning that our, our childhood or our familial relationships has placed on us. But what we need is emotional alignment. And this is something I think we massively underestimate. Emotional alignment is where your life actually supports your nervous system. When your days don't constantly require you to brace, perform, or prove. So this is when your choices feel calm in your body and when you're not constantly overriding your intuition to keep something that looks good on paper. A classic example of this is when you override your intuition in a relationship, your gut instinct keeps telling you, something isn't right here. I don't feel safe. So you are on to some degree every day. Maybe you are bracing, your body is actually bracing, or you are trying to prove or perform to hold onto that connection. But you're overriding the powerful signal. Your body is telling you that this is not right, and so that is not emotional alignment. Where else is this happening in your life? Where else are you overriding your intuition and what you know to be true in order to hold up an image or maintain an image that other people expect of you? I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and. She has been trained in interior design, and that's what she knows. That's what the industry she's worked in for the last 10 years. And she's had a bit of a crossroads in her career where she wants to make a pivot and she wants to get a different job. And now she was having a conversation with me saying how she feels like she should get a job in interior design because. That's what her skillset is, and that's what everyone else is telling her she should do. And I said, just notice that though. That's what everyone else is telling you you should do. And they're telling you that because they love you and they care about you, and they want you to feel secure and like you have purpose and you know what you're doing with your life. They do that out of love. However, they're not the ones who have to live your life. They're not the ones who wake up every day in your body. That's you. And only you truly know what feels aligned or misaligned for you, and if you continue to override that. That nudge in your gut that is telling you, I don't want to be in this career anymore. Like she gets a physical repulsion when she thinks about going into these jobs, and I'm like, and you are trying to override that. Come on. If you override that, you are asking for suffering because it's a clear misalignment with what you want. And listen, I get it. It is uncomfortable when you wanna make a pivot. Into something that's more aligned, but you don't fully know what that is yet. That is uncomfortable. That is scary. But I said to her, and I'll say to you, whenever you make a decision that you know is shifting you out of misalignment and towards the thing that feels most right and most expansive for your body, you can't go wrong. It is going to lead you down the path that you need to go on. It's going to help present opportunities to you that will give you the chance to explore something new. And so I said, you need to listen to yourself. Take everything that everyone tells you with a grain of salt. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You have to live it. So make decisions for what feels most right for you, because when you ignore. Emotional alignment for too long. It shows up as anxiety, burnout, comparison, restlessness, even illness, right? We can get sick from that misalignment we have in our body from having a truth and then constantly overriding. It can literally make you sick. It creates that feeling of always needing more, but not really knowing what even more is. Because when you are making decisions that are just to look good or to please people, it is literally like pouring sand into a bucket with holes at the bottom. You can pour as much sand in as you want. It is never going to fill, and no relationship, no amount of success can fix that for you. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is this. Am I living in a way that I respect, not admire, not envy, respect, because pride doesn't come from having the most aesthetic life. It comes from knowing you are living in integrity with yourself, from keeping promises to yourself, from making decisions. You don't have to justify. And from choosing what's right for you, even when it's not the most impressive option, even when you know you are probably going to let people down or they're gonna be confused by your decisions, let them, let them be confused. Let people be wrong about you. Let them not understand what you're doing because one day it will make sense, but if you don't give yourself that opportunity in the first place. To decide and take action from what is in alignment with your core truth. You will never find fulfillment and happiness, and this requires getting really honest about your values, not the ones you think you should have, but the ones you're actually living by right now. So I wanna ask you, what do you value in this season of your life? Is it peace? Freedom, growth, stability, creativity, adventure. What is it? What feels most aligned with, and you know, with your values, don't get too caught up in needing to know exactly what they are and have them really well defined. But if you list out a bunch of values, just notice which ones you're drawn to, which ones feel like a yes in your body. So for me, when I hear adventure, I say yes. When I hear freedom, yes. Independence, spaciousness, peace and growth. All of these things for like a yes. And then once you know those, ask yourself, where are you betraying those values to maintain an image? One for me personally is I definitely get, uh, stuck in this worker mentality of hustle, so working all the time, grinding, doing more, trying really hard, and that is definitely betraying the value of mine, of spaciousness and peace, the things that make my nervous system feel really good. I am overriding that and why, what, what image am I trying to maintain? Is it someone who is really ambitious, someone who is successful? Potentially. We need to question this stuff. We need to get curious about it because so much of our life, we are just living on autopilot without even fully understanding or knowing why we are doing the things we are doing. Where are you saying yes in your life? When you mean no, where are you tolerating situations that don't actually feel good? Where are you choosing convenience, familiarity, or validation over self trust? Your values are a compass. I truly believe that living a life that feels deeply fulfilling to you. It means you are making decisions that align with the things that you value, even if it doesn't make sense to other people. It also means sticking to those values when it's tempting to abandon them or just not care, for example, when you get into a new relationship and it's so easy to initially derive so much joy and happiness and fulfillment from that relationship. That you tell yourself that the other things don't matter, that your hobbies don't really matter. Your time with your friends, your self care, your passions. Oh, it's okay. I can just kind of like push them to the side because I don't feel that that need to maintain them because I've got this relationship in front of me. That's so good. But as we explored in the beginning of this episode, the danger with that is that if that relationship goes away. Then what? Then you feel like you have to start from scratch, rebuilding your life again, and no relationship is guaranteed. No matter how good it is. It is not guaranteed, and you cannot control another person. They might wake up one day and realize that this relationship doesn't feel right, for better or for worse, and they need to move on. And that's why it is so important for you to maintain the pillars in your life that keep you grounded, that help you remember who you are, irrespective of whether you have someone or not. So what does it actually look like to build a life that you're proud of? It looks like choosing depth over display. So, for example, that could mean you have two or three really close, amazing friendships that you pour your time into nourishing instead of having 20, you know, um, acquaintances where you never really have depth with them. You don't actually feel like they see you or know you. You just catch up for coffee and talk shit, and maybe you can have a few of those. It doesn't hurt. But what really nourishes you is those deep, meaningful friendships. It looks like creating routines that support your nervous system and not just your productivity. And this is a big one that I have to learn for myself is where are you creating time and space intentionally in your week to fill up those buckets that are, let's say, peace or wellness, calm. We need to create a routine that allows for those things instead of just bulldozing them and going gangbusters on productivity, but then burning out, it looks like saying no to things that drain you even when they sound impressive. And this one can be very subtle. We often will get these little signals in our body that say, Hmm, no. Like I actually don't think I have capacity for that thing, but. But it would be really good or, but I should practice saying no. Even, even, it's hard because that is going to help you fill up your cup energetically, that you can then pour into the things that feel like a full body. Yes. I, it looks like investing in relationships, practices and environments that help you feel grounded and whole, making decisions that you can live with, not just the decisions that get approval. Like my friends with the interior, interior design job, don't make that decision to take a job that you don't wanna do, just because you think it'll get you approval from your loved ones. Make a decision that you can live with, that you can wake up every day feeling good about. And this is the part I really want you to hear because you know that so much of what I talk about relates back to relationships, and this is really important. When your life feels aligned and full dating stops being this frantic search for something to complete you, you stop trying to build a life around a relationship. And you start inviting someone into a life that already feels meaningful, and how powerful is that? Just notice the difference there. The difference between trying to get a relationship from a place of scarcity and lack in your own life to fill you up versus already living a life that feels full, vibrant in alignment. Happy, fulfilling, and then inviting a relationship in on top of that to enjoy that world with you. You know, I used to think back in the day before, I'd done all this work on myself. I always used to try and escape my life through another person. I was not proud of my life. I didn't feel fulfilled at all, and every relationship I got into it always ended up me being in their world all the time. And when I made a declaration to myself that I was gonna stop doing that and you know, I was gonna do all this work on myself, I remember saying, I wanna build a life and a world that is so beautiful that other people wanna be a part of it. So completely flipping the script and that felt so good for me. So I invite you to take that perspective and. Really build your life first. Get it to a place where it feels so good that you don't wanna leave it. And again, when you do this, you are less impressed by surface level charm. You're less impressed or you're less tolerant of chaos because your life is such a peaceful place that you don't wanna invite chaos into it. And you're more interested in how someone feels in your body. Not just how they look next to you or the empty promises that they make. So if you're listening to this and you're single, this episode is definitely for you if you are partnered, this episode is also for you. If you post online or never post it all and you just view everyone else's stuff, this episode is still for you. I know that something I have said today has touched a nerve with you and is inviting you to challenge the way you are living your life in the best way possible. And my hope is that you step into this brand new year 2026 and begin by building a life you are damn proud of. Yeah, not just one that looks good on the outside and feels empty on the inside, but one that you wake up every day feeling so fulfilled by. And so in alignment with that opportunities and the right people just can't help but be drawn to you. Alright my friend, you have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes.