Ep #69: YOU ARE THE CATCH

In this episode, I’m coming in hot… because sometimes you don’t need another gentle reminder, you need a wake-up call that snaps you back into your power. 

This conversation was sparked from a moment that hit deeper than expected… being told “you are the catch” and actually letting that land. Not as a cute affirmation, but as a standard you live by. Because there’s a big difference between saying you know your worth, and acting like it when it actually matters. 

I take you inside a recent dating experience where things started strong, felt exciting… and then slowly shifted. And instead of spiralling, overthinking, or waiting around for clarity, I chose something different. Not perfectly or without feeling it, but from a place of self-respect that didn’t negotiate. This episode will challenge the way you approach dating, especially if you’ve ever found yourself prioritising potential over reality, or shrinking in moments where you should’ve spoken up.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why knowing you’re “the catch” means nothing if your actions don’t back it up
• The subtle ways you still pedestal people and how that keeps you stuck in anxious patterns
• What it looks like to advocate for yourself in real time (not just in theory)
• The difference between someone’s potential vs who they’re showing you they are right now
• Why cutting things off early is often the most self-respecting (and attractive) move you can make

🎧 Tune in now! And if this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram — I’d love to hear your biggest takeaway.

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Come say hi 👋 (or DM me your biggest takeaway) on Instagram HERE!

Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Secure Love Club podcast. I'm your host, Mimi Watt Hey friends, welcome back to the club. I'm so excited to be sitting down on the mic today because you have got me at a time, in a moment, on a day where I am fired the fuck up to deliver this podcast episode to you. Now, the title of this episode, You Are The Catch, was inspired by a new friend of mine who I made on my recent breathwork retreat in the snowy mountains that I went on a couple of weeks ago. If you've been following along my Instagram, you would have seen me talking about it, posting about it, and telling you how much of a profound, transformative experience this breathwork retreat was. As you know, I've been studying breathwork because I am now facilitating it in my work, in my program, in Peacefully Attached, and it's absolutely life-changing. It's changed my life and it will change your life. And I went on this retreat to further develop my facilitation skills, to have a deeper experience and understanding of breathwork, and it really is incredible. And as a side note, if you're interested in studying to become a breathwork facilitator or you want to just learn it for yourself as a tool, send me a message on Instagram because I can tell you where to go, who to speak to, and give you all the info. Anyway, so I went on this retreat and I made this new friend, and on the way back from the retreat... So we were driving, we had a carpool situation going on, and we were driving from the retreat back to the airport. There was five of us in the car, and we all got into this conversation around feminine and masculine energy, specifically in relationships. Now, you probably know this, but when we talk about feminine-masculine energy, we're not talking about gender. It's not that if you are a woman or identify as a woman that you should only be in your feminine energy and men should be in masculine. No. We all have both feminine and masculine energies. They're both very important, and I believe that we are living our best life when we know how to flow and dance in between our feminine and our masculine. And I asked the group in the car, we were talk- I was like, "I actually am really curious. I want your perspective and feedback based on what you know of me over the last four days. Would you say I'm, I have feminine energy?" And the, my friend whom I'm talking about gave me some really interesting feedback, and he said I definitely think you have a balance of both. I think you are very warm, you are very nurturing, and loving, and open, and that's very feminine. And you also have this grounded confidence, like you can hold your own, and that comes across more in your masculine." And he said, "But I have this feeling like you are There is like this floodgate of feminine energy that wants to come through. However, you're waiting for the right person who can hold that masculine frame in order for you to feel safe to soften into your feminine energy." And that was really interesting. I said, "Okay." And he said to me, "You need to remember, though, that you are the catch. Not him or not them. You are the catch. You are the one that gives permission for that person to step into your life and hold that masculine frame so that you can fully open up yourself, open up your heart, your life, your energy, to give them your beautiful feminine energy, because it's a powerful thing. You are the catch, not them." And it just Something about hearing him say this, hearing a man say this in such a convicted way towards me really struck a nerve with me. And it gave this concept of, you know, know your worth and like you're the prize, it gave this a whole new meaning to me. And since then, I've been really embodying this on a new level, and I went through a recent dating experience that I wanna share with you some takeaways from. And I want this episode to just be a wake-up call, a, a reminder, a permission slip for you to step into the energy to remember who the fuck you are, to know your value on such a deep intrinsic level that you do not settle for anything or anyone less than you deserve. Because you set the tone. You are the motherfucking catch. You are the prize. So with that intro being said, let's dive in. We're living in a time in the world, in a time in this crazy life that we all have where we're l- literally spinning on a giant ball in the middle of space. We're at a time in our evolution where men are no longer the prize, okay? Now, this is not, let me preface this by saying, this is not an episode to shit all over men or to, hate on men. Absolutely not, we can love men, and we can recognize that we as women have never been more empowered and equipped and resourced To be self-sufficient, to live an amazing life, to be financially independent, to build a incredible relationships with other people in our lives. We've never been more independent than we are today, and we've never had such a plethora of opportunities than we have today. Once upon a time, this was not the case, and so men were the prize, right? We needed a man to provide for us. That's what marriage was all about. It was a business deal, essentially. We were looking for the most eligible man or bachelor who was wealthy, who would provide for us, who would look after us, because women didn't have jobs. Women were just the caretakers. Women were just at home raising the babies and putting food on the table and cleaning the house. So yes, in essence, men, and I know I'm speaking through a heteronormative lens here, but just take what you will from this, men were the prize, so women had to sacrifice their standards, had to sacrifice their needs and their desires in order to fucking survive, in order to be taken care of. However, that is not the case anymore. But I do believe that most people, and most women who are straight and desiring a man are absolutely still conditioned to believe that men are the prize. And this is not your fault, because we live in a society that is so patriarchal and where it's, it's a man's world. That's the way the world has been designed, and men still think that they are the fucking prize, and we need to change this because it's not helping us. It is not empowering us. And for my beautiful women listening who have an anxious attachment style or your, your patterns are that you are more anxious in relationships, if you have a pattern of self-sacrificing, self-abandoning, minimizing yourself, making yourself small, this is really important for you to listen to this because I have been there. You know that I've been there. And it takes strength to s- turn the... steer the ship in a different direction, because when you have an anxious attachment, you are conditioned to really seek and crave and get a partner's approval and validation, I need you to listen up and pay attention here. Whilst we all want partnership, we want love, we want affection, and yes, on some level, we want to feel chosen, and there's nothing wrong with that, you quite literally don't need a man maybe you need their sperm if you wanna have a baby, but you don't need a man to survive. So I invite you to start looking at relationships and your life from this lens of, okay, I have every opportunity at my fingertips. Now, whether you choose to take advantage of these opportunities or not is your prerogative, but you have the opportunity to build and create such an incredible life where your emotional needs are met, you are fulfilled, you have purpose, you have rich friendships who fill up your cup. You can have hobbies. You can have creative outlets. You can have emotional support from people, right? You can go out and have fun. You can have casual sex if you want. Like, you can get your needs met. So if your needs are met, we need to be looking at, okay, if I'm gonna invite a man or a partner... Okay, it doesn't have to be a man. It can be anyone. If I'm gonna invite someone into my life and give them access to my life, to my heart, to my giving nature, to my empathy, my love, my affection, what are they bringing to the table? Because when you get your life to such a fantastic place and when you build up your self-worth so high that you genuinely believe and see yourself as someone who is highly valuable, who is a great person, who has a lot to give, what is that person bringing to the table? We need to be looking at relationships not from the lens... Like, when we are dating people, we need to be looking at this not from, "Oh my God," like, "are they gonna pick me? Are they gonna choose me?" Because you've put them up on some pedestal. You need to be looking at this of, like, what are you gonna contribute to my life? How are you gonna show up for me in a way that is so consistent and in integrity that it just enhances my lived experience? Because I am the catch here, my friend, not you. This is what you need to be saying to yourself. You are the catch, and you are the prize. You absolutely are. And a lot of people are gonna be intimidated by this kind of energy, by a woman who knows her worth, who does not settle for s- for crumbs, and who speaks up about what she wants, speaks up about her boundaries. A lot of people are gonna be really turned off by that and really intimidated. And you know what? Let them. In the words of Mel Robbins let them be turned off by that, because they are not your person if they are turned off by that Now, I wanna give you a few takeaways from a recent dating experience without going into all of it, because unnecessary. So I was recently dating a person, and in the beginning, in the first couple of weeks, this person was extremely enthusiastic. They were, I would say, putting me on a pedestal. They were being very enthusiastic, being so consistent, following up, being, proactive. They were planning the dates. They were telling me, how much they liked me, what a great person they thought I was, how amazing I was. And of course, it feels nice to receive that kind of attention. However, you need to have your wits about you if someone is being almost overly enthusiastic here. Okay? It was, like, verging on love bombing. But I was giving this person a chance because I was like, "Hey, they're only human." Okay? You're dating me. You're only human. You're gonna love me. No. So I was... I had my wits about me, and I even said to this person, "Hey, it's so nice that you are saying all this stuff to me, but don't put me on a pedestal." Because in a way, like, yes, I wanna date someone who respects the fuck out of me and who admires me and who adores me, absolutely, but I also want that person to know their worth, too. I don't need to be put on a pedestal. I need... I can be on even playing, on an even playing field, as long as the treatment is right, and so I'm like, "Don't put me on a pedestal, but treat me right, you know?" That's, that's, uh, simple, simple as that. Anyway, so I'm like, "Yep, I'm remembering I am the catch, but I'm also investing time and energy into this person, getting to know them." And after the first few weeks, I noticed a bit of a shift in their energy. And maybe it was around the time that they realized that I was into them, like, "Yeah, I like you. I'm into this." And so maybe on some level, they realized, "Oh, maybe I've, like, won her over here. Maybe I don't have to chase anymore." I don't know what it was, but I noticed the energy start to shift, and the frequency of texting... We, we were still speaking every day, however, there was a change in their level of enthusiasm. The time between responding to messages started to get further and further apart. The effort into the texting conversation started to slowly dwindle. Now, this is where you need to not gaslight yourself into thinking that you're going crazy and you're overthinking it when there is a change in conversation, in dynamic. Because most of the time you're not overthinking it, and you are... Your senses are right, your intuition is right. And so, you know, he did say to me like, "Look, I'm having a really busy day at work or time at work, and my communication is not very good when I'm really busy at work." And I said, "Oh, yeah, you know, I did notice that the tone had shifted a bit. Thanks for letting me know." And then that night he gave me, a longer text and was giving me insight into what his days can be like. And, he's like, "Yep, I'll always tell you though so that you know it's not you." And also on the first date, this person was telling me how important communication was to them, how much they valued it. And naturally, I'm a very good communicator. Actually, not even naturally. I've put a lot of work into becoming a very good communicator. So, I'm communicating very directly, very openly. I'm giving reassurance where I feel that it's needed. I'm not leaving him hanging ever or leaving him in the lurch questioning what's going on. And he noticed that, and he's like, "I fucking respect you so much for the way you communicate, and it's so refreshing. It's such a turn-on." I'm like, "Yeah, amazing." And he was giving me the same energy at the start. Anyway, so I start to notice this shift. And then we go on a third date. We're having a really fun time, great date, and then the next day don't hear from him until the afternoon. I'm like, "Okay." And he tells me he's having, like, a really bad day. And I said, "Oh, no," like, "Talk to me. What's happening?" And the text I get back was very just one-sided, like, oh, just shit day, you know, this happened and this happened. Um, and I'm like, "Oh, I'm really sorry. That's awful." And he said, "I, I just need time, okay? I just need time." Now, this is where I want you to remember that, yes, someone can be going through challenges in their personal life. They can be having a stressful day, a stressful week even. That is not an excuse or a reason to not give you the basic respect and the time to send a message that gives you clarity, context, and reassurance, okay? Because if you like someone and you care about where this connection is going, you would do that for them, right? You would wanna reassure them that it's not you. You'd probably tell them what's going on. You'd be very clear about what you need, and you'd give reassurance because you don't want that person to be wondering if you like them. You want them to know. And so when I received this very unclear message, I thought, "Right. Okay, this doesn't feel good for me because this is not- Matching up with how you were in the beginning and with the things you said are important to you, AKA clear communication. So this is where we need to advocate for ourselves, and we need to speak up, and it's hard, okay? I will preface this. It is not easy in these moments. It takes strength, but we have to remember, you are the catch. You are the catch, not them. So I said, "Can you be a little clearer? What are you referring to specifically?" Or something like that. And then he said... What did he say? Hang on, let me think. No, sorry. Okay. So I said, "Is everything okay?" after he told me he had a horrible day, and he's like, "Yeah, I'm all right. I just need time." So I said, "Can you be a little clearer? What's it in regards to?" And then he listed off three things that it was in regards to, like very short text, and I said, "That sounds really stressful. I'm sorry you had an awful day. I'm here if you need to chat." Okay? So I'm just acknowledging, that's stressful. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here if you need me, but I'm not pressing. Okay? First of all, no response to that message, which felt a little bit rude. Like, okay, you can acknowledge that I'm here for you. You know, you can... If it were me, I'd be like, "Thank you so much. That's really kind. I just need a day or so. I'll get back to you tomorrow." Not hard. Anyway, so no reply. Then the next day, middle of the day, I get a text that says, "I'm just gonna take the week to myself." Yeah. Now, how would that make you feel? If you've been having daily conversations with this person, an amazing connection, and then all of a sudden they just go, "I'm just gonna take the week to myself." Not great, okay again, no context, no reassurance, no clarity. This is where you need to decide what you're gonna do in these moments. Is this good enough for you? Now, a past version of me, honestly, probably would have said nothing, and I would have spent the entire week riddled with anxiety, not knowing what's going on, waiting on them, waiting on this man to get back to me and tell me what's up. But I'm the catch, and I am the prize, so I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm not gonna silence myself sitting around waiting for you to give me the clarity that I know I deserve when I'm literally the catch, and there are so many other people out there who would be... who would love to date me. So listen up. This is what I said back, "hey, it's all good if you need some space. However, I would have liked if you gave me some context." "The way you're communicating right now makes me feel pretty left in the lurch. As you know, I really value open and clear communication, and I know you do, too. Please be upfront with me as to how you're feeling and if your mind has changed about this. I understand if it has, but I'd rather know now than wait a week to have clarity." So what I'm doing in that message is I'm not being aggressive. I'm not trying to pull shit out of him. I'm not over-explaining or over-justifying. I am being someone who knows their worth, who knows the things they value, who knows what they're available for and what they are not, and I'm saying it directly. So maybe you already do this, and if you do, fuck yes, more power to you. If you don't, I want you to take this as permission that you can do this too, because you are the catch, and we need to be operating in dating from an energy of I'm not going to silence myself or minimize my needs out of fear that I'm gonna push you away or I'm gonna lose you. Because my person, the person I'm meant to be with, number one, they're not gonna treat me this way. Number two, when I do speak up and say, "Hey, come correct," they're going to sit up and pay attention to that, and they're going to respond accordingly because they care about me, and they care about this relationship, and they want it to work. This is the level of certainty that we need to be embodying. So I send this message. Six hours go by, no response. So I send one more follow-up message and I say, "Have I said or done something that upset you?" Okay, because I want to give him an opportunity. If I have, I don't know if I have. If I have, you can tell me, right? Anyway, that was like my final olive branch. Then an hour and a half goes by, no response. And I'm speaking to one of my besties because what are girlfriends for? So I call my bestie, she knows me so well, and I'm talking to her about this situation. And she reminds me, 'cause we all need a reminder sometimes, she says, "He has 1,000% seen these messages. 1,000%, and he is not replying. And you need to decide for yourself right now, is that good enough for you?" And the simple answer is no, it's not. Now, I also said to her, and I want you to know that this still happens in my brain, that my brain wanted to... It was grasping at straws. It wanted to find any possible reason or justification why this could still work, why I should give him the benefit of the doubt longer, why I should just wait and sleep on it and see what he says. I wanted to do that, or a part of me wanted to do that because when you open yourself up to someone and you've been going on dates, it's natural that you start to feel excited about a potential future. You start to form these micro-attachments. It doesn't matter how secure you are. If you are opening yourself up to someone and becoming emotionally invested more and more as the weeks go by, you care. You start to care, and you start to form these micro-attachments. And so to actually sever those attachments feels really hard, and I want you to know that I experience that too, and it takes strength. Like, fucking strength and grit to put yourself first and to cut ties with something that is not good enough for you. And this is where we need to not fall for people's potential because this is probably one of the biggest pitfalls that I see most people falling into, and I have been there so many times myself, when we are clinging to someone's potential. We are dating them not for who they are right now, but for who we hope they will be, the... who we imagine they could be based on this story that we put together in our minds from little bits and pieces of what we've seen from them up until this point. But nine times out of 10, when we date someone's potential, we are literally just delaying the inevitable pain that's going to come. So this is when we need to make a decision. Do I want to go through pain right now, discomfort in the short term, if it means taking care of my future self and avoiding, an even greater pain if I let this drag on for another month, three months, six months, a year? Or do I wanna make the difficult decision now to advocate for myself and do what is in my best interest and get over it quicker, and then make myself available for someone who can be what I need and who will show up for me the way that I need them to? I wanted to sleep on this. I wanted to leave this open to see what he would say. But my friend also reminded me, based on his last few messages, the way that he's communicating, you will... I can almost guarantee you're not gonna get the message that you want. So you can either wait and be disappointed, or you can take matters into your own hands, decide that this is not good enough for you because you know it's not, remember that you are the catch, you are the prize, and end this connection. So I sat there for a few minutes. I let myself feel what I needed to feel, and then I made the decision that is in alignment with my most secure, most valuable self, and I sent one simple text I said, "Based on this communication, it's pretty clear where you're at, and this isn't working for me, so I'm going to end this connection here. I wish you all the best." I'm gonna read that again. "Based on this communication, it's pretty clear where you're at, and this isn't working for me, so I'm gonna end this connection here. I wish you all the best." Take note of how simple, clear, and direct that is. Many of you, or most people, and I know this because again, this was me I know there are many of you who are still in this phase, will want to send long essay texts explaining why that person is in the wrong, why you deserve better, what they have done wrong, trying to be- You're trying to be right. You're trying to be- feel justified, validated. You want them to know that they hurt you. You want them to know what they're missing out on and what they're losing. We are not doing that because all that does is give your power away. All that is doing is saying... Y- you're just giving them more of your attention. If you're someone who fully knows that you are the catch, you know that it's their loss, not yours, and you don't need to overexplain it because your absence in their life is going to say more than your essay-long texts ever could. So you be direct, you say what you need to say, and you move on, I ended it there, and I won't go into what he said in response, but his response was extremely lackluster, and it basically proved me right. Proved me right. And you know what? I woke up this morning feeling so fucking proud of myself, like an absolute badass, that I made the decision that I knew in my gut was right, and I get to start my week on a positive note. I get to start my week in a powerful, empowered energy, knowing that I listened to my gut, I stood up for myself, I stood up for what I know I'm worth and what I deserve, and I acted on it. That is empowering as fuck. That is what builds your self-worth. That is what builds your confidence. When you do not make yourself small, minimize your needs, gaslight yourself, or let someone else gaslight you into thinking you're crazy or you're too much or you're asking for too much, no, you're not. No, you're absolutely not. You are still going to feel disappointed because, trust me, I still felt- Still feel, of course, really disappointed because I really liked this person. I was into them. And I haven't felt genuine attraction and interest in someone in a while now. So yeah, I'm disappointed. Yes, I was thinking about where this could go. Sure, I pictured what it might be like to be in a relationship with this person. I was getting emotionally invested, so I'm disappointed, and I'm only human, and so are you. You're going to feel disappointed, and that's okay. You're going to feel disappointed, and you can still move forward with your life. Don't you dare let someone who does not treat you like the catch you are derail your life. Don't let them derail your week. You've got shit going on. Now, listen, this morning when I woke up, the alarm went off. I was lying in bed, and for a good 40 minutes, I didn't wanna get up. I was lying there. My brain was ruminating. I was thinking about this whole situation, and I felt a bit demotivated. I was like, "Fuck, I don't wanna get up and go to the gym. I don't wanna get up and go for a walk. I have stuff I've gotta do today for work, and I don't really feel like doing it." And then I reminded myself, "I'm sorry, you're not gonna give your power away to this person. You're not gonna let them derail your shit. You got stuff to do. You have a life. You have responsibilities. You have purpose. You have meaning. You have other people that are interested in you as well. So we are not gonna lie here and let this situation take over our whole day. Absolutely not." So I let myself lie there, of course. I soothed myself. I tended to myself, as you do, and then I said, "Let's get up." I got myself up, I got dressed, and I went on a beautiful walk, and I got my head straight, and now I'm here talking to you. You can tell I'm fired up, but this is the energy we need sometimes. We need this potent, powerful injection of energy to remember who the fuck you are. Remember that you are the catch, and anyone who cannot see that, anyone who is not going to go above and beyond to make you know that they see that in you and that they want a piece of you, they wanna be in your life, is simply not worth your time. The way that you embody this is not by talking about this constantly with your friends- For weeks on end, talking about how you deserve better, talking about how this isn't good enough, whilst you're still seeing someone who disappears for a week, who takes two days to get back to a text, who doesn't do the things they say they're gonna do. You cannot be the person who knows they are the catch while still entertaining someone who clearly does not know that you are. So the shift comes in the action that you take. That is how true embodiment is formed. When your actions and your words or the things you say about yourself and who you believe yourself to be align. That is when you become unstoppable. That is when you naturally start to repel the wrong people and you become magnetic to the right people. The people who see your value, who know your worth because you know it, and we communicate this energetically, right? People sense energetically if you believe you are someone of high value, you have high self-respect, high self-love, high self-worth, they can feel it. They can see it in the way you carry yourself, in the way you talk about yourself, in what you put up with, what you absolutely don't put up with, how you communicate for yourself. That's what... That is what communicates your value far more than the things that you say. So let this just also be a reminder to keep your wits about you and to not get swept up in someone absolutely blowing steam up your ass in a dating situation. Because people can say all of the things to make you feel like the most special, beautiful, incredible person in the world, but what truly shows you who a person is, is in their consistency in times of stress, and conflict. 'Cause how someone... You can have stress in your life, but you can still treat me with respect. This is often why, you'll get really caught up in something that's intense and amazing in the short term, and then a few months in, you're like, "What the hell? Everything changed. They're not treating me the way they used to," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, because when life gets hard, when shit gets real, people's sh- people's true character comes out. So you need to slow the pace, stay grounded, let people show you who they are. Believe them when they show you who they are, just like I did last night. He was showing me who he was. He was showing me his capacity, his care, and I decided it's not good enough for me. And so the sooner you cut that off... And, and I'm not saying- to not give people a chance or to discard them the moment there's like a little inkling that something could be off because I did not do that, okay? But there was enough evidence, it got to a point where I was like, "I can clearly see now that this isn't good enough." So when you see that, this is where you need to have the strength and the courage and conviction in yourself to cut these ties loose because you are the catch. You are the catch, my friends, and there is someone else right around the corner who would be dying to date you, who would not for one second let you question how they feel about you, who would not leave you in the dark, who would never want you to be confused. That person is available to you, but they cannot come to you and be in your life unless you are embodying the person who knows they are worthy and deserving of that. All right, my friends. I'm gonna leave this here, but I want you to listen to this episode as many times as you need to, when you're dating and you're having self-doubt, you're not sure, I want you to listen to this episode and remember who the fuck you are, and I want you to share this episode with your girlfriends or with your friends. Go and spread this episode far and wide because everyone needs to hear this. Send it to your friends. Tell them to listen to it so that they can remember who they are as well, because we need to lift each other up. All right, my friends. Send me a message on Instagram if you loved this episode, if it fired you up, if you got something out of it, and I will talk to you soon. Have a beautiful week, my friends. Bye-bye. If you enjoyed today's episode, hit that subscribe button and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Share this episode with your friends and come find me on social so we can hang out between episodes. All the links are below in the show notes